The South Has Changed Me

After being here more than a month (I know - such a long time - psych) I am already beginning to notice changes in myself which I didn't think living in another area of the country would actually do to me.

This is going to be a short post because I don't really feel much like writing. I just kind of had a "moment" at Costco (of all places) when I realized the South was starting to morph me in to something the Seattle version of me wouldn't realize.

At Costco as we were shopping for our random items that we need a LOT of - namely paper towels and toilet paper - we passed the clothing area which they so perfectly place in the middle of everything. And the clothes are so damned cheap too. It's hard not to pick up a $20 polo or $15 pair of cargo shorts.

But what caught my eye this evening was...boat shoes. I know. Only people over 50 wear them. Like my dad. But, I was thinking to myself - it's hard to look somewhat dressy in shorts and a polo. I mean, I've got my rockports. But I have to wear socks with them. And just the image of shorts, black socks and my rockports makes me cringe. Then I've got my flip flops and my trainers. Too casual.

But boat shoes. They are perfect.

And if you're not sure what I'm referring to, here are the ones that I bought tonight.

They really hit the go between - not casual, but not dressy. Perfect for an evening out for dinner downtown in 90 degree temps.

And I don't mind if people laugh at me - they're just like my old people sunglasses. It's part of my "charm".

Another thing the South has changed about me is that I have now watched a full episode of "America's Most Wanted". Why? Because I have driven through the cities that these criminals might currently be in. I could be the lead eye witness to catching someone that has been running from the law since late 2007. You never know.

The food down here spoils so quickly. I think it is the heat. Or the humidity. In the Northwest you can keep your cereal, bread, bananas and all that good stuff out for almost 2 weeks. Here that 2 weeks is cut down to 4 days or less. You know how most bagel bags come with 4 to 6 bagels? I'm now opting for the 4 bagel bags because by the time I get to that 6th bagel it'll have mold on it. And instead of buying my bananas in a big bunch of 7 like I normally do, I now buy them in bunches of 4. I was surprised at how quickly things turned down here. I guess not everything is slower down South.

All I want to do is play golf. Take golf lessons. Go to the driving range. In fact, I was just looking at a set of clubs at the Nike store tonight. Expensive, but awesome. I've only played one round of golf so far, but after being out in that heat and playing my heart out (shot 40 over - ouch) I am excited about hitting the links again. In Charleston since they have so many courses out here the green fees are minimal. $12 will get you a round of 18. If you go during the heat of the day or late in the afternoon it can be cut down to $7 or less. Which is pretty ridiculous when you're spending about 3 hours out on the grass.

I've always liked golf. But right now it is my #1 sport. I'll have to convince the wife that I need a set of clubs over the next month...

The European Experience

For the past 2 weeks I have traveled across much of Western Europe with 50 other people. In a bus.

It was an amazing time.

We started in London, went through Belgium, the Netherlands, Germany, Austria, Italy, Switzerland and finally France.

Near the beginning of the tour, our tour manager had mentioned the “European Experience”. I can’t remember exactly what he said, but it came across this way to me: Anytime I had that “wow” moment – and for me specifically it was, “wow – this is different from what I’m used to” that was a European experience.

Now, most of what I write here may seem negative – or like I’m bashing the European experience. It’s partly cause I am. I am a snob who grew up in America and like to be as comfortable as possible and get everything the way I want it as soon as I want it. And for free.

But over a sushi dinner tonight (go figure in Charleston – and it was excellent) I was describing a few of the things I found different about places in Europe than we had here in the states.

I think the first thing that really caught me off guard was the rest stops.

In the European Union, commercial drivers cannot drive for longer than close to 4 hours without taking a 45 minutes break. I don’t think this is the case in the US – for us if you can drive safely – you should continue working (but I’m not sure because I’ve never talked to a semi truck driver about his work).

Given this rule, it makes for some pretty amazing rest stops. They are basically what would happen if 7-11 and something like an Arby’s slept together and had a baby. Well not really, because it would be about 6 times their size.

I couldn’t believe their rest stops. I mean Europe really caters to their drivers I guess. Hot food, cold food, all the magazines and books – travel items, candy, chocolate, drinks (even beer and wine!).

After driving across the United States – this was amazing to me. Because I thought a nice rest stop meant it had a nice patch of grass next to a few disgusting toilets. As far as rest stops go, Europe definitely destroys us.

But here’s the kicker: Good luck finding a public rest room that you can use for free.

That was another shocker for me. Every time we would pull over to use the “Wash Closet” and yes – that is what they are called – we’d have to either tip the women who were working in the bathroom (I guess they live there?) or we’d have to pay a fee to an automated machine like when you get on the subway.

It was 50 Euro cent every time! Roughly 81 US cents! And since most everyone reading this right now knows how strong my bladder is – that can really start to add up.

Knowing that I had to pay to use the bathroom now made my bathroom trips much more strategic. I would wait as long as I could at those rest stops – to insure I didn’t have to go twice. And I’d also wait and eat hoping that shoving food down my pie hole would make waste come out the other end. Because paying almost a dollar to use the Wash Closet to go number 2 would definitely be worth it.

And while we’re on the topic of doody I’d like to share a few related European experiences regarding it.

The rest stops in Italy did not have toilet seats. Actually, looking back on it, a lot of the “public” toilets didn’t have toilet seats. Luckily I only had to lay cable twice in the presence of a porcelain king without a crown. Much respect to the other ladies out there that squat. I was in defensive position for about 5 minutes and thought my thighs were going to break. Yes. Break.

After my first experience squatting I came out of the Wash Closet sweating. And thinking aloud to my friends that I would become a wealthy man in Italy by selling them these things called “toilet seats”. They ensure that your everything doesn’t touch what’s in the toilet.

Which brings me to my next European experience. I guess they are fine with falling in every time they go to the bathroom…because…they have the bidets! I was afraid of the first one I saw in London. But as soon as I got to Italy I was ready for it. Or at least I thought I was.

My initial thought on the bidet was that if I was ever that dirty, I would just take a shower. And, unfortunately for the bidet, my initial thought was right. After my first time using one (mainly for fun and just to try) I stood up, soaked from the back to my balls to my inner thighs and dripping on to my boxers thinking, “Great, I just took a shower only in that portion of my body”. And to my horror I still grabbed a piece of toilet paper and wiped back there…the bidet had done nothing by leave me with wet undies. At first it was pretty cool though. I think the feeling that a bidet gives you alone is worth using it. I was like a little kid who finally learned how to ride his bike without training wheels. Except I was a grown man splashing water on his ass in the bathroom. So I guess they’re not even close.

And that again almost segues perfectly in to my next few European experiences. They don’t fool around with their water temperature there. A few times I had to pull my hand either out of the sink, shower or ass out of the bidet because the water was almost at boiling temperature. Here in the states I believe we have a “max hot” point. At a few of the hotels we stayed at in Europe, I think they just let that fire boil that water. Maybe this stems from the plague? They want to make sure they kill all of your germs while giving you 3^rd degree burns every where else? I don’t know. Anyway, I was shocked at how hot the water got in some parts of Europe. And surprised that more people didn’t burn themselves with the tap.

To go with the hot water, I think out of all the hotels we stayed in, only about 20% of them included shampoo. So I was sitting questioning myself…Alright, how am I supposed to wash my hair? And for about a week I washed my hair with the bar of soap. And after using just that normal soap my hair started to get crunchy. I remember in Germany I reached up to scratch my head and it was more like my hair was scratching my hand instead. It was definitely not the smooth afro I was used to. After that I stole Pol’s pert plus and used it the rest of the trip. I figured he didn’t need it since his head was shaved anyway.

Air conditioning. I believe we had one night of aircon in Europe. And you’ll never believe where it was. It was in the BEST WESTERN in Florence. Yes. I had to stay in an American based hotel in order to get my air conditioning. The rest of the time I was sleeping in my boxers on top of the sheets and hoping for the cool night breeze to come. Which it did a few nights (thankfully). Earlier today I was talking about how I wished we had gone to Europe during the mid to late summer. After writing this I’m actually glad we did not. Maybe it’s some big sort of conspiracy? Maybe the locals have air conditioning but they want the tourists to suffer? That could be a possibility. Before we left for our respective areas of the US – we were sitting the Charles De Gaulle airport sweating our asses off. I don’t think I have sweated more on a “vacation” than I have on this past one.

The autobahn. I watched cars fly by us at at least 100 mph. Mercedes mini vans for Christ sakes. And everyone out there drives either a smart car or what I would consider between a golf and a Volvo station wagon. All very odd people carrying cars. Of course I saw a lot of Ferraris, high end Mercedes and BMWs and heck, even the Fords and Toyotas that they had in Europe looked nice.

Bikes. I have never seen so many freaking people riding their bikes in my life before. I believe the Netherlands holds the record for the largest bike rack on earth. It was at least 4 stories. And amazing. The land is so flat in parts of Europe that people can easily get around just riding their bike. It’s healthy, good for the environment and fun to do. Sounds like a win all around to me. But here’s the thing about those areas: Where the pedestrian gets the right of way in the States, that’s not the same in some parts of Europe. I was nearly run over a few times because I wasn’t watching. Yes! It was my fault for stepping in front of a bicyclist. Wild.

The drinking age. I believe the drinking age in Italy was 16. But they had some crazy rule about how 16 year olds could only drink beer and nothing hard until they were 18. Tell you what – if they had that same sort of law in the states I would’ve looked 18 by the time I was 14. It was pretty amazing to me while I was sitting at a bar in Venice singing the Italian futbol theme song when I turned around to here some kid who was almost half my age correct me on how I was singing it. I have a cousin who is turning 16 this winter. I can’t imagine him sitting next to me at a bar and pounding beers with me in the next few months. These kids – that’s what they were. Just kids. Yet another one of those “Wow” moments.

And that right there is almost three and a half pages of writing about the tiniest differences between the States and parts of Europe. But for me they made all the difference. I’m sure there is a lot more that I thought of and wanted to write, but am forgetting…but this post is long enough already. If I come up with more I’ll make another post because I’ve got 2 more to go in less than a week!

(This post was not proofread out of laziness)

The Re Low Kay Shun

I started writing this post 2 weeks before we left for Charleston. We have now been here for a week on Tuesday. So if it seems a little bit out of order, it is. It took me 3 different attempts to finish this post - and reading through it I definitely know things are chronologically confusing.

Wouldn’t it be weird if every thing we wrote was spelled out phonetically? It would be. It would also be weird if I had written out every thing in this blog post that way. But I’m not going to. Because it’s too tough/annoying. And I’m blogging from work, so I want to write as quickly as possible so I can finish this before I’m on my way home.

Over the past 2 months the wife has been offered a few relocation opportunities. The company she works for (BA) is having trouble with their newest product line – go figure. They outsourced a lot of the work and of course they’re having issues. So now they’re scrambling to send people abroad – not that I honestly think it will help much.

She’s been offered Italy and Japan. And both times we had to decline. Mainly because they were not offering us a full year relocation – which meant that we weren’t going to be receiving the extra perks associated with relocating to another part of the world – mainly having the home you currently own paid for by the company while you live abroad – on top of them paying for your current place of residence.

And the only way we were going to survive is if I got a job in Italy or Japan – and since I don’t speak either of those languages, I don’t think it was going to fly.

The offer came through 2 weeks ago for Charleston, South Carolina. Given that it’s in the states and I might be able to work remotely out in SC (and will start working remote this week), we’re going to go ahead and pick it up.

I’m sure this post will be the first out of a multi-part series based on the relocation. There’s plenty of details I can hash out later on – and I’m sure I’ll be blogging more as soon as I get there (oh the things I’ll see!).

But for this post I wanted to write about the things I’m going to miss while I’m out in SC. Right now the assignment is 6 months – but I can almost guarantee that if provided the option (and maybe extra pay?) we might stay another 6 months (or longer) dependent upon whether we like it out there.

This is all happening so quickly. So it’s hard for me to adjust emotionally (such a wuss) knowing that I’ll be driving across the country in 2 weeks.

Last night I vacuumed the house (I hadn’t vacuumed in about 2 months – I usually do so once a month) and as I was vacuuming I realized this would be the last time that I would be vacuuming the house for some time. Not that I would miss vacuuming – but the fact that I wouldn’t be doing this act – along with mowing the lawn, taking out the trash, washing and putting away the dishes...so many of the daily things that we all do - that really I think we kind of don't recognize as being something special - because they are so routine.

On the drive out to the East Coast, about 2 days in, the wife and I were talking about things we were going to miss most about being in our house for the summer.

And for me, it was this:

We have the pond in our backyard. I get a good view of it from my office. I will have no view from my new office - but oh well.

Over the summers (the hot nights) I can't sleep until the weather has cooled down a bit. Which is usually around 10:30 or 11 pm or so.

So what I'll do is take a cold shower (not because of the reason you're thinking) around 9, come out, put on the basketball shorts and cutoffs and get a glass of ice cold water. This reminds me - I'm going to miss our French door fridge. It is pretty great when the temperature is getting up there to open up both doors and basically just stand in the 30 degree fridge. (Because you have to at our house in order to get ice and water). Anyway, I'll head back upstairs with the glass of ice water in hand, and I'll set up the fan aiming directly at my back.

I'll open up the window in front of me as wide as it will go, and listen to the chorus of frogs and crickets sing the night away.

And there I'll sit. While I cool off from the summer day. Whether it be blogging, or reading the net, or playing my Xbox - that's probably some of the best "me" time I get every summer night.

I don't know if I'm going to get that this summer. It seems like air conditioning is a requirement down here. And after spending a day out in the humid 87 degree heat today, I can understand why.

Just like up in Seattle how we keep our windows and doors shut to the outside to keep the heat in - I'm sure we'll be doing the same down here but instead to keep the heat out. But at least we're not the ones paying for the "heating" bill down here. But air conditioning to me just makes the air so stale. I suppose it will take some getting use to over the next few months.

I'm obviously going to miss my friends and family back home.

It's already hard for me to talk on the phone to my parents. I know they miss us. I definitely miss them. There's such a security blanket - which I knew was there but am only now beginning to realize how much I relied upon it. My parents were less than a 10 minute drive away from me at all times. Now I really don't have anyone to turn to. My family and a few friends - they were automatic. In a phone call we could be together. And now that's obviously not the case. Puts a knot in my stomach.

I'm going to miss the softball. Last year was my first full summer of playing softball. I had played baseball until my early teens and played some pick up baseball and softball whenever possible - but last summer I played from mid April to September. And I realized how much I had missed the fields - throwing the ball around - hitting and fielding.

The BBQs are another thing I've just come to expect while living out in Seattle. Everyone getting together, having a few beers and throwing some beef on the grill. Or maybe oysters. Since we just finished building our fence before we left I was thinking we were going to have a pretty solid back yard for entertaining purposes. I even replaced the propane tank so I was prepared for 3 or more stupendous months of grilling. And don't even talk to me about all the drinking I'm going to miss out this summer without all my drinking buddies.

I'm going to miss Husky football. Husky sports alone should have it's own post dedicated to it.

And although there is plenty of water around me - it's definitely not the same as what I had in Seattle. I'm going to miss Lake Union, Lake Washington, Greenlake - the San Juans, Alki...IMO those things are one of the major reasons Seattle residents put up with so much crap...Because anywhere you are in Seattle - you're only minutes away from a stunning view.

I already am missing the food. Tonight we went to a local grocery store and they didn't have either of the kinds of rice I like. I'm sure the rice we bought will be just fine, but if it turns out poorly, I'll know why. There's definitely no teriyaki out here. There's Chinese, but it's all Americanized crap. No Thai. No Mongolian. No modern/fresh mex. No good sushi. No Costco for 100 miles. No Taco Time. No Mcmenamin's/McCormick's or any other place that we loved to go to happy hour. But I have already found a few good places to eat after only a week of being here - so I'm hopeful I'll fill up that roster again.

I think that's good enough for now. Maybe I'll write another post like this come October and see how my thoughts have changed over the few months that I'll be here. We've finally moved in to the house we'll be staying in until at least Halloween. Crazy - I'm sure the kids will be dressed up and knocking on our door before I know it.