Gender Speak

First off, I am not apologetic about anything I write here.

If you are offended, or feel that I am generalizing, stereotyping or just plain stupid that’s fine.

The fact that I am starting my blog post like this should be enough by itself to warrant your further reading or not.

Ok, now that the disclaimer is over (can’t believe I even write stuff like that, but whatever) I can continue on with my post.

I honestly can’t believe I haven’t written anything about this before. However, I didn’t read through all of my random notes, but I definitely know I have thought about this, and expressed it to plenty of people before.

This post came about after 2 things happened today. First off, this hilarious article from The Onion:

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/bro_youre_a_god_among_bros

And secondly, a discussion I had with a female coworker regarding one of her female friends.

She was complaining about how she hates to hang out with this female friend of hers because the friend dominates the conversation. And how she always interrupts my coworker as soon as she starts to say something.

So I told her that she should say something to her about how she feels. And she said she wouldn’t do it.

Which brings me to the point of this post, my theory about men and women – at least men and women near or around my age group.

I believe that in a majority of social groups today, in the 18 to 30 year old category, I find that the glue that holds together these small social groups together is the men of the group. In almost every “friend circle” I have been involved in (not many) and the other ones that I have seen (again, still not that many), the men of the group are the originators – and the women kind of just tag along. They are either girlfriends, or friends of one of the men, or maybe you’ll get that one instance of the girl like PJ from the show “My Boys” (love the show) where she’s just “one of the guys”. In my opinion though, becoming “one of the guys” takes a lot of time and history – it requires a lot of history probably, and more than likely being a tom boy during developmental years. (Not a bad thing).

Some of you may be wondering why I have this theory about social groups, or may be agreeing with me about how social groups in our age range are formed. I think my female coworker provides me with a perfect example of why groups of women more than 2 rarely work.

Well, actually before I get to that, maybe I should just dish up the prime rib before I get to the mashed potatoes and grilled asparagus…

Gender speak was one of my favorite workshops I’ve ever gone through. And go figure, it was all done while I was at work.

Gender speak was a workshop which was supposed to teach us how to successfully deal with the other gender in the workplace. Want to know the only thing I remember from it? And as another disclaimer, I’m not even sure if this is right, but here we go:

Women create a level playing field. At it’s most basic, let’s take Barbie dolls. Little girls play with Barbies and they share. I can just see my sister now (who wasn’t a big fan of dolls – she was actually the tom boy and still today doesn’t get along very well with other women) trying her best to share with a neighbor girl all of her Barbie dolls.

One of them could be Barbie while the other one was Malibu Stacy (was this a Barbie product? Sorry Mattel – lead killer – if not) and guess what? They could ride in Barbie’s hot pink convertible to the mall to talk to Ken! Everything was happy go lucky and everyone was on an equal playing field and as long as things were in balance and harmonious then there was nothing to worry about.

On the flip side, we have the men (boys). The boys my age played with transformers. G.I. Joes. He-man characters. And for each “good guy” there was always an opposite (and now that I look back on it equally awesome) “bad guy”. The decepticons. Snake. Skeletor.

And if you had more than one boy playing, you could never both be on the good side. One had to be He-man on his mighty cat and the other had to Skeletor fighting over the castle of greyskull.

And dependent upon who argued the best, or maybe who got hit with a rock in the head first and went crying home to mommy, that’s who won.

See? Obviously I didn’t learn much. But here’s what I garner from what I remember: Men (boys) need that kind of structure to their social life. They need to know where they stand or rank in a hierarchy of people. Women (girls) need that structure too. However their structure is more flat and they don’t mind if Malibu Stacy wants to drive the convertible back home from the mall instead of Barbie…even though it is her car.

So how have I applied this to my professional career? No idea.

But just looking around at the guy friends I have, I realize that nothing really has changed since we were little kids. But for women, I think they’ve lost their way a bit (which is why I think that men are the glue that holds most of our social groups together).

Let’s start with the men - since I think I am one – and since I know our subject matter the best. By saying that “nothing has changed since we were little kids” I mean that instead of Transformers we have Fantasy Football. Instead of G.I. Joes we have how many shots of alcohol can you throw down in a night without puking?. Instead of He-man and all the other action figures we now have all the toys in the world – gaming consoles, huge TVs with surround sound, fast cars…you name it; I’m sure at least 2 guys are competing over how much one has of it over another guy.

And it’s not even that it has to be materialistic. I’d like to think that I know where I stand with my guy friends and what they all think of me. We all have our different strengths and weaknesses and at all times we’re pointing them out to each other. One may be exceptionally good at baseball, while the other basketball, while one excels at academics and the other is great with the women. And the thing is, we all, as a group of guys, understand this. So that when one of us steps out of line and thinks a little too highly of themselves (which I tend to do often), the group can come together and knock them down a notch – therefore restoring order to the male group hierarchy.

And that hierarchy is what holds it together in my opinion. The things we compete at are just the fillers to continue to hold those spots in order. Because without the order, you have a bit of chaos, which is what I feel women in our age group have gotten themselves in to.

Before I continue on with the women, I’d like to say that men’s position in the hierarchy is not defined in stone. At any time they may move upwards in a certain aspect of their lives, however it will first take a lot of work on their part as an individual, and second it will take the acceptance and recognition from the group that the individual has changed and raised (or lowered) their status. Without both – chaos again.

Now women. We live in a world where comparisons are constantly being made. And in the world that I live in, because of these comparisons, it breeds a better “comfort” zone using the social hierarchy that men adhere to. But remember, little girls wanted things to be fair and equal. Everyone on the same level. But what happens when the levels are strikingly different? What happens when one girl starts to wear Marc Jacob’s sunglasses and citizens jeans? At some point at least one of the women in the group will end up smarter, more beautiful, or have more things than the other women in the group.

And unlike the men, who would typically confront this outlier with verbal barbs and blatant taunting – they tend to just sit back and listen…and smile...and avoid confrontation. Which is exactly the reasoning why groups of women can’t really work in the long run – or why they can never feel “close”. I’m not a woman, but I believe I’ve seen this happen so many times. For women in my age group, it’s almost required that you dump on your so-called “friends” behind their backs. Because it would rude to do it to their faces right? How on earth would you get closer to the “friend” you really want to be friends with unless you share a common thread? The common thread of knocking on another girl because she’s obviously tried to raise her status within the group without really notifying the other girls.

Everything else being equal (in a woman’s world) the only thing left is to differentiate you from the others. Because there are still women out there who are willing to play like girls, and women that have moved on and created their own hierarchy, like the men. And since not all women subscribe to the same thoughts of their social group, you’ve got a real disconnect.

What used to be such a close knit group of girls in high school (or even junior high) has now split in to 3 or even 5 groups of friends – in as small of groups as 2. And the ugliest part of it all is that you’ve got them all smiling and lying through their teeth whenever they all get back together.

I honestly would hope that men aren’t like that. If I don’t like you, you’ll know it. Shit, I don’t even really like some of my guy friends, and that actually makes for a better relationship between us. But for the guys I am really close with, I think we all have a general idea of where we all stand at a given point. Order and peace.

Anyway, I could go on with this subject, maybe I will at a later time. For now, I’m just going to end it abruptly here. I think everyone reading either gets what I am saying or thinks I’m a complete idiot. For you women out there, look at your social groups and try your best to figure out what’s going on. It might help you avoid social turmoil (if that’s not your bag). For the men: $20 bucks says I can beat you at a round of 3 par at Greenlake. Holler. (I can’t believe I ended a post with that - /dork)

Allergic to Retail

I hate the mall.

I have plenty of allergies. Dust, pollen, peanuts…and you know those people who claim they are “addicted to retail”? I am their opposite.

Flat out hate. Literally it puts me in a bad mood whenever I come close to it; know I’m going there, or worse have to sit around while someone is shopping.

And it’s not that I really hate shopping that much. It’s just that I hate the malls around here. They lack imagination. They lack originality. And the people are just disgusting.

I just love to look around when I’m there (which thankfully is on average less than once a month) and imagine all the financial standings of everyone around me. I like to think that at least 30% of the people I’m looking at are shopping with money that isn’t close to being theirs. The type that can only afford the minimum interest payment on their 24% APR Nordstrom’s/GAP/Banana Republic/etc. visas. Or less! And they think they’re getting somewhere.

These people talk as if they will die if they don’t get a certain style of jeans. Or the newest fall line, or this year’s hottest accessories. I have to admit - at the least they are keeping this capitalistic economy afloat. All the billions of dollars companies are spending on marketing to them is obviously working.

While living in Fremont before taking the bus downtown, I’d always look at this graffiti that has stuck with me for years. It read, “Consume less, live more”. And I’ve honestly tried to do that. And I hope that there are a lot of people out there who try to live by that same statement. If I purchase something it’s typically for utility. And I agonize over every discretionary purchase. Recently it took me almost a month to purchase my laptop because it took me that long to admit to myself that I needed it enough.

I still wear clothes from 6^th grade. Back then, all the rage (at least from what I saw/what I wore) was to get things oversized. Guess what? All that buying of extra large clothing fits me now. And I’ll be the first to admit - I have more clothes than I need. But the only clothes I do buy? Shoes. When the soles wear down, or there is a hole in the shoe, it’s time for me to get new shoes. When was the last time I made some major purchases of clothing? April of 2005. More than 2 years ago. And what was I buying? Business casual for work. I didn’t have any. And my job required me to wear it. And more than half of my stuff that I have that is considered business casual is hand-me-downs from my dad. The other half? Christmas and past birthday presents. My parents are very good about buying me the necessities – underwear and socks. Since I’ve got what I need as far as clothing is concerned, I never feel the need to keep up with “style”.

This is all based on the fact that I’ve always thought that if someone is going to like me for my material possessions, then that’s probably not a relationship that will be lasting very long. However, I will admit that at times I do feel a bit “out of style”. But as soon as I see those price tags in the stores I’m reminded why I’m so cheap, and why I refuse to buy anything without analyzing the cost/benefit of the product. And most of the time, there is no benefit. I’m not trying to impress anyone right now, and really I shouldn’t have to (nor will I).

While waiting on a mall bench the last time I was there (and I suppose the main reason for this post) I heard a group of teenagers talking together as they were walking. They looked about 13 or 14, and the subject was cars.

One of them said, “Well, I want a BMW.”

“You can’t have a BMW – I wanted a BMW!” the other friend responded.

“Ok, well fine I guess I’ll just go for the Mercedes then”.

Seriously? I couldn’t believe it. I honestly think that there are just so many people out there like this. Maybe it’s just the kids? Naw, I think there’s more people out there like that. Anything to own the car of their dreams. Living with mom and dad at 27 and 3 maxed out credit cards in order to lease the latest 5 series. But they’re happy right? For their sake, I really hope so. I just wanted to stop every single one of them and ask them about their goals/plans for life. Ask them how they were doing in school (if they even cared about school) if they had a plan for higher education, and what they were going to do once they got out. How in the world they were going to make all this money so that they could afford those cars. Sure, they were probably just dreaming aloud, but since there was no laughter within the conversation I only have to assume that these kids really thought they would own these cars soon. For their sake, I am hoping that mommy and daddy won’t be so kind. In my opinion giving children everything they want sets them up for failure later. They’ll expect to just get things without actually working for them…

Maybe I’ve just learned to think a lot differently regarding material wealth than others out there. Or maybe I’m an early adopter to semi-minimalist ideals. There’s a certain point at which I look at people and realize that maybe they’ve got some major money backing them up. When I see exotic cars, classic cars, or just anything top of the line luxurious – I have to draw the line at that point. At some point a person doesn’t front about how much money they have or how much they make. But for every person like that, in my opinion there are 7 or 8 people doing the exact opposite. Putting on a complete front. Sucking up every last dime to hopefully fill some sort of void.

And to those of you who are doing that, the mountain of debt you’re building has a peak. Good luck to all of us over the next few years as this credit crunch might really hit us hard. One of these days, those 0% APR for 12 months, $0 transfer fee cards is going to run out. And when it does there’s going to be plenty of people scrambling to get rid of things they thought they needed. I hope you’re all able to either return the stuff you’ve purchased or pawn them off on Ebay. So that the next time it seems like there’s free money to go around you’ll have learned from this time around and use more discretion in the future.

Consume less, live more.

I’m trying.

Happy Anniversary

In less than a week it’ll be one year that I’ve been married.

Wow.

Now I know how our parents, and their parents made it 40, 50 or even more years as married couples.

Because it flies. And yes, at times it crawls. But on nights like these, you tend to wonder what happened to a year.

I was looking back over my blog for what I wrote in September…nothing. Well done myself.

It’s ok – I’ve got enough pictures from that month and the wedding to fill up volumes (and they do).

I don’t claim to know much about how a successful marriage should be, or should work, but I think I’m trying to teach myself a few things, or maybe learn things from myself from writing them out here. I don’t really have any other way to lay them out properly…eh…anyway.

Advice, Comments, General Sharing of Self Experience and/or Knowledge:

When people ask me how married life is, it’s really no different. Especially if you were living together before you were married. And honestly, I wonder what couple doesn’t live together before they get married. I would actually find that kind of weird…I mean, I would want to know how my future spouse lived in close quarters with me before I could decide whether or not I could spend the rest of my life with her. Wouldn’t you?

I honestly don’t understand the guys who are single in to their mid to late 30s. What is wrong with you guys? I worry about the guys who are in their mid to late 20s and in no hurry at all. I worry they’ll become those mid to late 30s guys. Guys, marriage is not the prison you make it up to be. Unless you marry the warden or prison guard. So choose wisely. Or maybe it’s because nobody wants to marry you? I suppose that could be a possibility too. I’m not going to solve that problem…

Michelle is my 2^nd mom. Thank God. Sometimes I can feel kind of useless because I used to do everything myself when I lived out in Seattle on my own, but her cooking is better than my micro waving so I do my best to be gracious.

Marriage takes a lot of work on both sides. Sure, I wrote it. Do I follow it enough? No. I’m working on it. It’s going to take time. Luckily I’ve got a lot of it ahead of me.

Do I get scared sometimes that this is forever? Absolutely! Do I give shit to other guys about to get married? Definitely! Would I be worse off still living with a roommate or my parents? Exactly. Having someone there…(by law – heh) is always great. Which brings me to my next point…

It’s not going to be puppy love, hot and steamy, I’m going to die without you need you here with me now - all the time. It’s just not realistic. Especially in a household with two working parties and schedules. To try and keep it fresh all the time is just trying too hard in my opinion. Can it get boring and routine sometimes? Yes. But (being the pessimist that I am) think of all the bad things that could go wrong. I could be struck down with lung cancer after only smoking one cigarette in my lifetime. Then what? Then I’d be wishing I was more grateful for those days that we just went to work, then came home and sat around – and were healthy. It’s all about perspective. Something I’ve got to remind myself of sometimes. And being out and adventurous and on the road gets tiring. Sure, a few weeks away from home a couple times a year? Great…wait…does that mean I’m really converting to home body status? Uh oh…

One of the best things about marriage is that you can set goals for the both of you. You can work together to achieve things, and the synergy (woot! Go vocab) that’s created between your partnership does so much more than if you had been working separately (even on the same thing! Confusing…). Having someone there to support your endeavors and dreams however far fetched they may be is one of best things about having a partner “in crime”.

And on that note, Michelle and I are building an amazing base. We’re accomplishing things I wouldn’t have thought would be possible until we were more financially secure. Sometimes I look at us and am blown away by how well we are actually doing. I honestly can’t think of one couple who is doing better (even adjusted for inflation for older couples :p), although I know of one who is close. And of course I’m tooting my own horn (or ours) but I’m just excited about the launch pad that we’re building ourselves…to of course rocket us in to the future. (cheesy) We’re young enough to really shape the direction of our lives and take risks where if we had had kids already or were in more demanding jobs we couldn’t have done these things. It really makes me proud that we are learning together and bettering ourselves. I can’t ask for much more right now.

I started to write advice for other married couples or soon-to-be married couples but then realized I completely flipped from talking about me/us to getting up on the soap box. I don’t feel like preaching that much.

It’s getting pretty late, and I know my posts have been short…but I literally feel like I am so inundated with things right now that I don’t have a clear enough head to write. I’ll try my best to keep pounding these out though…if only for my own sake of reading these later on.

Here’s to one year. We made it. And I guarantee a lot more where this one came from.

Love you darling.

Balance

One of the key ingredients to a healthy life I’ve decided.

Too much of a good thing (or a bad thing) can really ruin you. Make you lose your sense of reality.

Without pain, there is no joy.

A few years ago, sitting in my philosophy class (which was a huge waste of time) we were discussing this machine that would give you any experience you wanted. Any experience ever felt by the human brain.

You can read more about it here (it’s the first google link I found):

http://www.bu.edu/wcp/Papers/Valu/ValuRive.htm

In the class, I was one to argue for plugging in. To give myself the ability to experience things I’d probably never experience in this lifetime. That alone was worth the ability to plug in.

But just recently, my view point on being for plugging in changed. Of course there were the kids in the class who felt they should live their own lives, and they’d prefer their own lives over plugging in. However, from what I recall of the class part of their reasoning was that they would know it wasn’t real life; it was just your brain fooling you in to these experiences.

I had a good enough imagination, so I didn’t go along with what they were saying. If you were stuck in a machine and didn’t know any better – how could you have known any better? You wouldn’t know what real life was like because you had been attached to the machine. Our example was based off of being attached to the machine since birth – not given the opportunity to get plugged in after living in the real world for some time.

But now I’ve realized that I would miss out on all the pain. All the bad things in my life that affected me – changed the person I am – if I had plugged in. Why would anyone in their right mind, hooked up to the experience machine choose a bad experience? One that caused them physical or mental pain?

Over the past few weeks, I’ve felt minor physical pains. I know this is silly, but whatever. About 3 weeks ago, I got this huge cold sore on my bottom lip. Thinking back, I don’t think I’ve ever had a larger cold sore. And it was painful. And annoying. I am a lover of citrus and salt unfortunately, and every time I’d eat something of that nature I was cringing. After using some hydrogen peroxide over the past week it’s finally subsided and I can eat normally again. I was chewing on my right side only for some time – or avoiding foods that I normally love because of this stupid cold sore.

This past Thursday I slid into 3^rd base abnormally during our softball game and received the biggest raspberry on my hip that I’ve had since either 3^rd or 4^th grade. I’ve been hobbling around since then and every few minutes I’ve got to pull my boxers off of the wound because they start to stick together. And every time I do it’s about half as bad as pulling a band aid off. It’s hard to sit, I’ve had to lay only on my right side while I sleep, and getting in and out of cars is the worst.

And because of these two things, I’ve realized how grateful I am to be in such a good condition (only compared to myself in minor pain). My mouth is almost fully healed now. Tomorrow I’ll be able to drink orange juice and brush my teeth without cringing. I’ll be able to eat foods with barbeque sauce on them, or even French fries with salt without it killing my mouth. So I learn to appreciate – and be grateful for the state I’m in because of that pain.

I’m sure by next week my hip will be healing nicely, and I’ll be back outside and running again with full motion of my leg. There won’t be pain when sitting down, or while I’m riding in the car around corners. I won’t have to pull my boxers off of my oozing wound and will be able to toss and turn in my sleep normally.

And that is exactly what I am getting at. In the machine I would never choose pain for myself. But in the machine how can I really understand joy and pleasure when I would never choose pain and sorrow? The steak would not taste as good, the emotions I felt would not be as strong, and I would never feel as grateful as I do for the things I have – or how I am after what my real life has put me through.

So I’ve changed my answer now. The machine sounded good in theory and still to this day I’m a bit of a hedonist, but I’m beginning to realize now in life that both sides of the coin are needed to have a fair toss.

Reap What You Sow

Warning: I am only writing this for my own memory’s sake. I wanted to include this in my blog so I can remember it. And it’s about the financial world for anyone reading. So if you want to stop here, great. I can’t guarantee there will be any interesting or new information as I’m sure everything I’ve read recently I’ve ripped off a little bit from multiple sources. I am only including it so that when I read through this again, years down the road I can remember what I was thinking at the time. Just like how my dad always says to me about how those “rotisserie chickens at the grocery store used to be a dime”.

Just like that.

Sub prime. AKA, Sub slime. AKA housing bubble. AKA this post. Reap what you sow.

Thinking back over the past 12 years, it’s been kind of creepy. We’ve been building ourselves up - our economy on very little. In 1995 it was tech. Everything was tech. Sure, some value was added, but the stock market went shooting up like a sky rocket in dot coms that were worth nothing with ridiculous valuations in to the thousands. And people who were smart enough got out before it all when to shit. Others that didn’t got hurt. Bad.

And by the end of 2001 and in to 2002, things were looking terrible. Which is when the Fed decided to cut rates to “their lowest point in SO many years”. What did a lower rate mean? It meant borrowing cash became cheap. Suddenly those that couldn’t afford a 30 year fixed at 8.5% were magically able to afford it at 5.5%. Look at all the interest they were saving!

So all that money that wasn’t being made in the market had to move somewhere. How dare we expect people to earn less than 10% a year on their money. Is part of your American dream being wealthy beyond your wildest dreams? Mine’s about halfway there.

So people borrowed. And borrowed. And borrowed until they were so heavily leveraged that paying principal became a thing of the past. Because now everyone could afford a home. In fact, the housing market got so hot that new products were popping up everywhere. Balloon mortgages, 1 month ARMs and negative amortization loans. All for $0 down! Can you imagine that? Oh, and what’s that? You and your wife don’t have a job either? Well, we’ll put you on a stated loan that says that you’re a doctor and she’s a lawyer and together you make upwards of two hundred and fifty thousand dollars a year.

Sure, I got caught up in it. And I still am. My wife got in to a condo at the right time, in 2004 just as the housing market was peaking. I threatened leaving her because Issaquah was “too far” for me. Little did I know I’d love it out there, and it’d be one of the best investments of our entire lives thus far. But she put a little amount down, on a stated loan and paid PMI on a 80/20 split loan. Luckily we were able to get out of there while things were still hot.

Because builders saw it. They saw the wild buying. People outbidding the asking price just to get in to a property as soon as possible. Because a 20% return on even a $300K property is a lot of money in a year.

So they built more. And more. And buyers kept scooping them up. Because “property isn’t as risky as the stock market – you actually own something FEASIBLE – that you can touch – when you own property”. It’s amazing how hearing this now, 3 years later makes me cringe after it was pounded in to my head so much…

But now, there’s more homes than there are buyers. Back in 2002 was when that first 5/1 ARM at 5% or whatever ridiculous rate was out. And everybody saving hundreds of dollars a month by just paying their interest every month is having a hard time either refinancing in to another loan – because they’re not going to give you “interesting financing” on your property now. No. Too many people out there over the past few years have screwed the lenders over and vice versa.

5 years ago you moved in to a property you had no right affording. Expecting that your home value would appreciate enough that you’d have a good return on investment as soon as your ARM/balloon/negative amortization loan was up. And you were broke the entire time, but it was OK, because as soon as you sold the house, you’d make back everything you put in. Right?

Well, little did you know that the builders kept building. And as soon as inventory started piling up, suddenly 5 blocks down the street they were selling a brand new house that was bigger and had more upgrades than yours and they were selling for the same price. Who was going to buy your house?

So you had to reduce your price. And reduce it further. And maybe you were going to rent it out…but it was crunch time and the lender was breathing down your back. Maybe putting nothing down and not getting a fixed rate wasn’t the best idea in the first place. It seemed like a good idea at the time…such a small monthly payment…

But at the same time there were those out there (just like me in the past month) who realized that the market has been on a tear since 2005. It seems like at that same moment in 2002 someone realized that they could take a second mortgage out on their home, or leverage something they had to invest it in the stock market. In another property. In something. Wouldn’t that make sense? If you were paying 6% on your 2^nd mortgage and you were earning an average of 12% on your S&P 500 fund, why in the heck wouldn’t you bet the house to earn a little extra cash? If another property was going to earn you a 20% return on your money, why wouldn’t you do it?

So I made it a little bit late to the party. So what. I’m still going to fight and struggle and do my best to succeed.

But for the rest of the people out there in a lot shakier positions, I’m sure there is guy X out there who just did the same thing as me. Except they pulled out more. And over this little stock market correction we’re experiencing over the past 2 weeks they’ve lost everything they’ve made. Or there are the people that bought 3 more properties. And suddenly that value in those homes they were holding onto has just dropped out of the bottom. The sure thing didn’t seem like it anymore…

And now the only out for them is bankruptcy. You couldn’t afford it in 2002, what makes you think you can afford it 5 years later when the rates have gone up and unfortunately wages haven’t really followed.

So here we stand. One of the slowest “shit hitting the fan” sequences I’ve ever seen. I saw my first sub prime lender go bankrupt in February of this year. And that was the red flag for me. Debt was cheap, so we threw it around to whomever felt they could handle it. Americans love debt. Unfortunately not all of them have the right mind about them to control it properly. In fact, to the tune of about 7 million home owners.

7 million. Can you imagine that? 7 million families, people, friends, neighbors literally just walking off of their property and claiming bankruptcy because no one will provide them with a loan to which they can afford their property any longer? I can’t. My neighbors actually seemed proud that they put nothing down on their property. Like they were almost getting some sort of deal.

It is the perfect storm at it’s finest. And unfortunately everyone that bit off way too much are going to reap what they sow. And they’ll bring the rest of us with them. I just hope it hurts a lot less than I think it will. I’ll keep my fingers crossed, but it’ll require a lot more than that to fix what’s coming down the pipeline.

The Fed meets tomorrow. I can’t wait to hear what they’re going to say. Either they’ll go along the lines of my blog post. Everyone can just tank because none of you read the fine print or expected less than 28% year over year growth in the value of your properties.

Or, the Fed can bail everyone out by cutting rates and possibly restarting the whole cycle again.

For the short term, I like the idea of a rate cut. Or at least the acknowledgement that something has gone terribly wrong when a person making $28K a year can suddenly afford a $300K house with nothing down.

For the long term though, I’d love to see us suck it up. Just like the ridiculous valuations in 2000 of high flying stocks with worthless underlying companies, we’ve got people who gambled with the worst possession they could…their own homes.

At the least, it’ll be interesting to see what happens between now and 2009. That’s when the big lenders say most of the “interesting loans” will either be refinanced or defaulted by.

One of the best rules I’ve continued to follow is, “If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is”. Unfortunately so many people are going to get burned by not remembering this rule. We’re on shaky ground right now, and end of this seems so far away…

Until this whole mess is over, I’m praying that the bad apples don’t spoil it for the rest of us.

The Gamble of a Lifetime

Well the first one at least.

No one but me knows how much I’ve been dying to write this post. How much I’ve been thinking about what I was going to say, what I was going to write, how long it was going to be, what I was going to include in it. If there was going to be screen shots, or pictures, or if I was going to save other things for other future blog posts.

But enough of that – of course everyone that writes in these has to put some thought in to it. That is the beauty of writing – hopefully you are thinking while you are doing it. Thinking at least about something.

The only thing that kept running through my mind was Rounders. I don’t know if you’ve seen that movie yet. I’ve seen it roughly 80 times. And mainly because I used to go on those long online poker binges where just the sound of it running in the background was soothing. And I’d watch it 5 times in one day and not really notice.

Near the beginning of the movie Mike McD says, “If you’re too careful, you’re whole life can become a fucking grind”.

For me, that really hit home. Even to this day, after working a quote un-quote “real job” (yes I actually wrote that out AND included the quotes) I still think I don’t have to grind out an 8 hour a day job M-F in order to retire when I want to. I still think I am smart enough to find money outside of working for an actual company. For a while there I thought I could make it at poker. I knew it wasn’t going to be a long term thing – because what would’ve been the reason of going to college? But it was nice for at least 3 years. And I still play pretty regularly; just now it’s not my only source of income. When I make money playing, great, when I lose it, oh well. It’s not like I’m playing to live now.

Another quote that sticks out from Rounders is when Knish says to Mike, “You’re making a run at it aren’t you? Rolling up a stake and going to Vegas”. This line has been playing over and over in my head since about May. Even though I thought it was “heading” instead of “going”. But the internet says, “going”. And I can’t get it to go away. It’s still playing in my head right now. (The “heading” version) And it’s not that I’m annoyed. I love it, in fact.

Here’s the thing: It’s not poker. It’s the stock market. I increased the line of credit on our house and I’m betting the house (literally) that I can make at least some extra money in the market on top of what I’m currently making at my job.

I wanted $100K. I’ve gone in with a friend and we’re splitting it right down the middle. I don’t feel ready to handle $100K worth of risk. But for some odd reason, I felt $50K was the right amount. Double the amount required to day trade and just enough to not end up going bankrupt if I lose it. Enough to make a decent amount of money over a year. Enough money to where a 10% gain isn’t chump change – to me at least.

And it’s funny. Because everything I’ve read about the market so far and building the bankroll in order to trade says, “Don’t finance the money you trade with. Don’t trade with money you can’t afford to lose”.

But for some reason, I know that losing might happen. And I’m ok with that. I think everyone says not to play with borrowed money because if you’re playing with borrowed money you’re more than likely a bit older than me and have less time ahead of you to make a comeback if you in fact lose.

And that was the beauty for me. For those of you questioning my actions – this huge risk I am taking on, just hear me out. I am young enough to pay off any debt that I might incur because of this. Yes. It might hurt. We have plenty of debt right now, and it hurts a lot. In fact, we’ve got negative cash flow until at least next February. Yes, believe it or not, we are spending more money than we make. But that’s just because we financed everything. No interest financing is the best – and in case you were wondering about that too: We financed $10K in upgrades to an investment property that we bought. So no. We are not dumping our money in to a depreciating asset. Thanks for asking and possibly assuming though.

I’ve just been thinking a lot lately – that the truly wealthy see opportunities and they take advantage of them. They apply their talent at the right moment and they never once look back. While the other 98% of the population grumbles every morning having to wake up, drive to work in order to pay the bills and feed the kids. Actually scratch that. I think a lot of people out there think that there’s just no other way. You work, and hopefully you save enough to retire. There is only one way to make money…I suppose luckily for the rest of us we realize there are plenty of ways to make money. They just require the extra time and effort outside of work.

One of my dreams is to work for fun. And work because I want to. So I want to get ahead. Yesterday I wanted to get ahead. The day before that I should’ve been far enough ahead that yesterday I could’ve maybe taken a little break since I was already ahead. Can you tell I’m impatient when it comes to this stuff?

And the reason I wrote this post tonight is because I just finished watching Say Anything, which I admit I thought was a great movie. The writing between the two love birds along with it being taped in Seattle made it perfect for me. Near the end of the movie, Diane turns to Lloyd (WTF Lloyd? I guess the name fit him though) and she says, “Nobody thinks it will work, do they?”. And he looks at her and says, “No. You just defined every great success story”.

So I’ve got $50K to play with. Since April 2006 I’ve made a 34% return in my retirement accounts. And since I was able to do that, I figured I could apply the same sort of strategies to my real trading account.

And this Friday marked day 2. I’ve had $50K of my own property’s equity floating out on the stock market for 2 days. And although I feel like I’m jinxing myself (mainly since the market has had it’s largest sell off in 5 years over the past 3 days) in 2 days I’ve made almost ten thousand dollars. A ~20% return in 2 days. It’s not realistic at all. And it doesn’t feel real. Until I have the cash in hand – heck it may even be in my bank account this coming Wednesday if I were to withdraw the money and pay back my share of the loan – but it still wouldn’t be real to me.

And I knew how I was going to do it. And it worked almost to perfection. If I had made $4K more I would’ve been out of my mind. That’s the number I was really shooting for. But because of the market sell off I fell a little bit short of what I was hoping to make. In 2 days.

But that’s what I love about these zero sum games. Poker and the market. Now I understand that both of these might not be considered zero sum games…but I like to think of them as such. It really helps with the mindset.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zero-sum

For me, I’ve found that poker has a lot more randomness involved in it than the market does (at least I’ve yet to see the 7 of spades hit on the river for the other guy to hit the inside higher straight flush when all he’s got is the 8 of spades in his hand…over my straight flush in the market) but I’m still new to it all and sopping up as much information as possible. (Constantly reading up about it, talking about it and getting ideas from so many sources). I am a very “results oriented” type when it comes to money. I believe everyone should be paid based on output and merit. And poker and playing the market gives me that. They reward for good and smart play. They punish mistakes and crush you even further if you’re not paying attention and miss all the signs.

So really, that’s it. That’s what I’ve been wanting to write about for 2 months. And it was jumbled and I didn’t really make any of the points I wanted to strong enough…or maybe the better word I should’ve used is “eloquently” - but they’re there.

I’ve been very scared and very stressed about this whole ordeal. For a little over 3 weeks my right eye was twitching. And I know it’s a heck of a risk taking this large of a shot. But at least now I’ve got some breathing room. I’m extremely interested to see where I go from here and I promise to be content as long as I’m not losing any money. Hopefully someday I’ll roll up my stake and head to Vegas again too, maybe next time with some real cash to burn.

Rando Notes for July "Oh" Seven

I know.

I know that you’ve been dying for one of these. Well maybe not you specifically. Maybe you haven’t been following along. But if I know like I should, literally I think maybe five people follow what I write. So to those five out there, what you’ve been missing for the past two months…my lovely rando posts where I let my ADD run wild on MSFT Word to your moms I came to drop bombs I got more rhymes than the bible got psalms.

I don’t feel like notating each new point with a dash. So for this post I will just separate them by spaces. Here we go…

In the summer of 2005 I got sun burnt. At the time, I was shaving my head with the 1/8” guard (I believe the smallest guard I have available on my trusty Remington) so of course my scalp got burnt too. Embarrassed I avoided wearing black or dark colored shirts. Why? My scalp began to peel in nasty little dry skin increments – shut up I couldn’t find a better word for it. Since those days in 2005 I have used a dandruff preventing shampoo, T-Gel by Neutrogena. Even though it wasn’t even dandruff to begin with. And I didn’t even have dandruff nor have I ever had it. For those of you who disagree, my head was more than likely peeling at the time. I have never had dandruff since. But the funny thing is? I am afraid to switch back to some other shampoo. Pert, head and shoulders, even Michelle’s girly stuff I am afraid to go to for more than one day in fear of seeing that one flake again on my shoulder. When I go on vacation and use the hotels shampoo (that doesn’t even foam WTF?) I am scared I will return home with dandruff. Sometimes you just get used to a product and you just continue to go with it. Other times you continue to go with a product out of fear of the unknown.

Flying a redeye for more than 2 hours by yourself has to be one of the loneliest experiences in the human life. Well maybe I’m exaggerating that. But if you’ve got any luck like me you’ll get placed next to the huge black guy that falls asleep immediately then starts snoring and then across the aisle from you will be the nursing mother whose baby obviously hates to fly. Now, I’ve never flown a redeye by myself. But I have flown by myself before. And I did alright. But knowing how I’d feel in that dark cabin, surrounded by strangers, me and my ipod and book…cramped in that confined space with recycled air…The thought alone makes me kind of sick. And for me, I think that is the ultimate loneliness. I felt that; sometimes in the city during one of those summers that I basically lived alone. Being surrounded by so many people, but not knowing one lick about any of them. And most of them feeling the same way you do…maybe you just ignore everyone else and they won’t bother you. I hope they get the fact that I’m buried in my book and rocking out to my music that they won’t ask me anything.

Because maybe the big fear is that people can’t carry on a conversation for more than 10 minutes. Ever had to have a conversation 1 on 1 with someone for more than 10 minutes? Someone you don’t know? It’s hard. And on a plane you really just can’t get up and walk away. That is your seat.

I wish there was a way we could just say to another person, “No offense, but I’d like this conversation to end and I’d like you to think good thoughts of me”. That would be such a life saver in those situations. I’d love to use that line at work too. Maybe we could come up with some sort of hand signal for it? Maybe?

I think that these rando posts are so good for me because first of all, I’m very scatterbrained. And second of all, I day dream a lot. And not necessarily about unrealistic things either. About simple things like that hand signal I previously mentioned that would mean, “Ok, I’m done talking now”.

Ever since moving up to the 2^nd floor in my building there has only been one thing I’ve loved about it. And that sadly enough is: the men’s bathroom. And it’s not even the bathroom itself. It’s the door to the men’s bathroom. Somehow, the men’s bathroom door handle got broken – I’m assuming from a disgruntled 2^nd floor working male. It’s now bent so that no one ever has to touch the handle – the door is always slightly ajar. To go in you push. To leave you pull a bit. And for some reason touching wood with your fist or elbow seems much more sanitary than grabbing a metal handle with your hand. This is my OCD hard at work.

I am sadly attempting a “pho”-hawk. Yes. Pho. Well, maybe not. I am not that Asian. So we’ll leave it at “Faux”. Even though I am not French. ARG! So confusing. Let’s just say a mound of hair that comes to a point in the middle of my head. Very posh and beckish…or maybe just becks. I saw my dad’s picture from the 70s and he looked badass like Bruce Lee in his tight denim button up shirt and corduroy bell bottoms. To finish off the look? Hair almost to his eyes. Now I’m pretty sure I couldn’t pull the look off. But I’m going to at least try. For a few months while I grow my hair out it’ll be in that weird point where it’s not too long and it’s not too short. And I hate to gel my hair so it’ll just look like I just rolled out of bed every day. Not that it already didn’t look like that.

I take off my wedding ring every now and then. When my fingers are skinny enough to take it off. When I’m doing yard work, working out, taking a shower, or even when sleeping. I guess sometimes I feel more comfortable, or “hand agile” when I don’t have it on. But sometimes I forget it. I leave it in the car after going to the gym. I leave it at home when I go to work. And I freak. I freak out for hours. I know exactly where it is, but I know that one of these days when I know exactly where it is, it won’t be there. And on that day is when I’m going to get castrated. I should just not run the risk and wear it all the time. I should. I love operative words.

It being almost August, I should really start on my marathon training. It is one of my new year’s resolutions, so I should really at least complete half of them. I’m worried though because of my shin. Randomly it’ll just start hurting. I promise I will go get it checked out. And I promise to run less hills than I was running in the past. They say you need 16 weeks to train for a marathon. Guess what? This weekend marks the start of week 1 of 16. And I haven’t gone to see the podiatrist yet. I should’ve done that last month. I should’ve.

New friends are good. However, it’s a complete feeling out process for the first few months. You have no idea where you stand with the others, and if you get a little bit too comfortable it might get uncomfortable. Sometimes I wonder about groups of friends. I have a hard time hanging out with one person from a group of friends, however when the group is together I feel just fine. Of course I could look deeper in to this, but I’m not going to.

Cutting your toenails is so weird. Think about the position you sit in when you cut your toenails. Some people do it ass on the ground, toes pointing away from them, chin on knee, arms reaching out, one to stabilize the toe and the other to cut. Sometimes I sit in a chair and cross my legs like a man (this is stupid, but I can cross them like a woman too) – but cross them a little bit further. Other times I do the same thing, but sit Indian style while on the floor. I was thinking about people who are very flexible. Or even contortionists. I bet they have a much easier time cutting their toe nails. In fact, I would wager that their feet are better cared for than an un-flexible person like myself since I’m sure they spend more time with their feet…closer to the proximity of their face at least. Or at a minimum they have the ability to just reach out and touch them at any point. Speaking of cutting your nails, I make it a point to cut my right nails first, since my left hand isn’t as skilled with the nail clippers – or skilled in general as my right hand. Therefore, I’m always leaving the easy stuff for last.

Nike’s Dri-Fit clothing is my favorite stuff right now. I just bought another shirt and I love it. The only down side about them is I “nip-out” in them. Because the fabric is so thin that you can see my giant pointy nipples. I heard that in the UK the longer your nipples are the sexier. Probably not true at all. Probably someone just making fun of me. And then when I got to the UK I’d just want to move back after they laughed at my long nipples. Yes, they are long. Freaking glass cutters. Anyway, Nike: Please make me an entire wardrobe based off of your Dri-Fit material. I am willing to pay a good amount. I understand that you make dressy golf polos, but where are the socks and pants? Some of us work during the day too. We can’t all be playing sports all the time.

I love Jim Cramer. He is on CNBC and is a stock guru. At first I was very skeptical of what he did. But now that I’m almost finished with “Real Money” and I’ve watched more of his show, “Mad Money”, I find him to be completely entertaining while he educates. I didn’t really want to pump him in my rando post, but I didn’t also want to spend 3 pages pumping him either. So here’s what you get President of Cramerica. A paragraph. You’ve helped out a lot of us little guys immensely. I hope to see your show still on in at least 3 years. I was planning on buying a bobble head for my desk because I don’t think many people know who he is at my work. And being “in the know” vs. people who have no idea what you’re talking about is an awesome feeling. Kind of like acorn socks.

Some POW (Pearls of Wisdom – Old school) from my Ninong Ramon from this weekend: “The large print giveth and the small print taketh away”. “Don’t work hard for your money, make your money work hard for you”. Words of advice from one of the richest people in my extended family. Not very helpful – since I knew this stuff already, but still from someone who’s been there done that – I’m not going to stop him if he wants to lend a guiding hand.

I am worried about earthquakes. So much so that I might call our insurance company tomorrow and see how much earthquake insurance is. Recently, there was a large earthquake in Japan, and within 3 days there was one in Oakland. For some reason I felt it was moving up the coast – and in all honesty I think the “big one” if we ever have it, could destroy this region. Seattle is built on top of old Seattle. Everything would crumble. And if I don’t have earthquake insurance, this investment that I’m sitting on right now could be worth nothing. Just thinking about what would happen if a huge earthquake hit us scares the heck out of me. It could possibly cripple all of Seattle. I am thinking Katrina-like disaster here…would we all end up in Vancouver BC or Portland? Would there be a mass exodus from Seattle while it was getting rebuilt? Could people ever come back to this area if they had lost loved ones? There are so many questions I’ve thought about because I honestly think we’ll have the big one soon here. And I’ve been through 2 puny earthquakes in my lifetime, and each time I was just amazed at how unprepared we all were…what makes me think we’ll do any better when something of real magnitude hits us…I’m not really sure how I’m going to end that sentence. Regardless, I hope/pray it doesn’t come within my lifetime. But just seeing that large earthquake in Japan followed by the one in Oakland just made me open my eyes a little bit to the possibility…Sometimes I feel like I can be lulled in to a sense of security when nothing bad happens for awhile…If earthquake insurance is $200 or less than it’ll be worth it for me. I should call…should.

Bare Buns Fun Run 2007

I streaked up Tiger Mountain with hundreds of other people.

And I was sober.

I got 3^rd place in the 20-29 group. I have no idea how I did that.

And it was awesome.

I’ve never felt so physically self-conscious and then within an hour felt completely fine.

And I was getting burnt.

The run was the hardest 5K I’ve ever done. Literally half of the run was basically straight uphill.

And I was tired.

It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. The nudist colony is definitely all older people.

And it’s too bad more young people aren’t as comfortable with their bodies. Or maybe they just didn’t know about it?

It was a lot of fun. I’m not sure if I’d ever do it again.

And an old fat woman wanted me to come back next year and the year after that. Gross.

Side story: One girl wrote on her body, “Happy Birthday!”. When asked who’s birthday it was, she replied, “It’s EVERYONE’S birthday! We’re all wearing our birthday suits!”

Totally weird, totally out there and at the same time totally refreshing. But not in the sweaty balls type refreshing.

It’s almost unfortunate that the weirdest day of this summer has now come and gone. Like all new experiences, the hours flew by.

I wanted to keep this short. I wanted to write down that I did it. Obviously I’ve got the shirt and 3^rd place plaque to prove it. But if I ever make a book of my life, I wanted this to be one of the pages. It’ll be hard to forget for sometime.

Now what next…

An Open Letter To Weeds

Weeds,

This is a letter written to you, to all of you, to cease and desist.

We’ve known each other for a long time. Back when I was 11 years old, I was introduced to your terrible attitudes, unwavering persistence and all the pain you cause. And for a time there, I didn’t mind at all. Because I was rewarded at the end of your lives. A movie. A dinner out. $10 to spend however I pleased.

But that was because my mom had experienced the hatred for too long. And had to pass that hatred along to me. For those summers, I went along with it, because Nintendo games, Magic cards and Janet Jackson’s CD can’t just wait for Christmas time. Money is something that I didn’t have, and you were part of the answer.

So I worked under the table. Pulling you. Digging you out.

Back then, my young back and arms could handle your de-beautification of our walkways and our flower beds. But today felt like the last straw.

Oh, and I know it won’t be. You thought you were getting off that easy? Maybe after two summers of experiencing my wrath you thought I would give up?

I know you’ll be back for more. And when you are, I’ll be just as unready and unwilling as I was today.

Now, the reward at the end of pain is gone. The only satisfaction I get from tearing your little legs out of the ground is just that. Knowing that in your little weed like ways, you’re screaming. But I can’t hear you. I can only hear the cool breeze on my neck while I think to myself, “Yeah! WHAT! Don’t you be comin’ back around now ya hear?” While I wrap both of my hands around your leaves and rip you apart. Piece by innocent piece.

And don’t think I don’t see your little white roots you weeds. Just like the snake – you only chop part of it off, it’ll grow back. No. I am going to dig my fingers in to the ground until I get every last inch of you. And yes, that’s you flying across the yard in to the blackberry bushes. To be strangled by thorns thrice your size or picked up by a bird and used to create a nest. I hope they shit on you. Oh, and make room for your mom, dad, and all your little brothers and sisters – your cousins too. Just like you did, they will all fall.

The weed and feed seems to be working somewhat. Or maybe it was that dry scorching heat that I haven’t given you any reprieve for. But today, you were easy. You were enjoyable. The ground couldn’t hold you down. It became dust. And I bet you saw that bag of fertilizer and thought that it meant that we were going to be feeding you. My my, were you ever so wrong. You browned out while my beautiful lush, green and controlled grass grew up strong all around you.

And what did you do? You tried your best to spread – to crawl like the coward you are. But you didn’t make it far enough, fast enough. And now you’ll be like a broken branch. Or the bones of someone 4 times my age. Dried, brittle and praying that God have mercy on your soul when you meet him.

For you, I can’t say. But for now, you’ve got at least 2 more months of scorching hot hell while you lay atop the canopy of what real plants should look like. I hope you serve as an example for your brethren. But you’re like me, I understand. You’re stubborn. And really, I know you can’t read so I have no idea how this letter will affect you at all.

But if could read this - just know for now. If you’re looking for a death wish, please be my guest and stop by. I promise I’ll make your stay as uncomfortable as possible. Just make it easy on both of us and die from fear.

Your death dealer and sworn life enemy,

Seth

The Losing Streak

Being the competitive person I am; I cannot win at all things, all the time. It wouldn’t be a competition if I didn’t lose some of the time. In fact, I consider myself a winner even though I’ve probably only won 60% of the things I normally compete in.

However, sometimes it gets out of hand.

Usually, it isn’t that bad. Maybe a week or two, and I’ve even experienced a little bit longer than a month long losing streak, but this one has become unbearable.

As of today, July 2^nd, 2007, I am currently looking at a losing streak of 2 months. Since the beginning of May I have lost everything I have played. I can’t win. I can’t piece it together. This is the worst losing streak I have ever experienced I believe in my entire life. I mean, sure I’ve been part of teams that have been defeated – as in didn’t win one game. But that was just one team. In other aspects of my life I was winning. But not in this streak. This streak is attacking everything that is me.

And before I go in to detail on each portion of how I am losing, I’d just like to talk about everything that goes with losing. Especially mentally and physically. Because I know these things about myself – but in order to change then – I’m not sure how to do so at this point.

And the reason I’m writing this? Is because until next Monday (unless something competitive arises before then – which I’m sure it will) I am on break from my current “major” sports right now: Softball and Basketball. The other reason was that I was part of a weekend – yesterday and the day before it – that basically solidified it’s standing of the worst losing streak I have ever experienced. Thank goodness for the holiday week and everyone wanting to take this week off. I’m not sure if I could take the beating any longer.

For those of you who have never experienced a losing streak – lucky for you. But for those of you who have, let me share part of what my experience is like. My whole mentality changes when I realize I’m in the midst of a streak. The realization starts about 3-4 days in after the initial loss.

Typically the first loss is the hardest one. Either an embarrassing blow out or a heart breaking buzzer beater defeat with the whole team riding on your shoulders to make that shot. It sticks with you. It keeps you up at night. If I had caught that ball we would’ve been going to the championship game. It angers you the next day at work. People on the team are nice to you, and nice to each other, but everyone knows who screwed up. And even then, it might not even be me. (I will admit to it being my fault that I let my entire team down in certain games – they still haunt me to this day).

But that mentality starts to drag on you. The next game you play you try extra hard not to screw up, but instead you just screw up worse. Things that came natural when you were not in your losing streak you are now fumbling with. Adjusting mechanics. Over thinking everything. Not being calm enough to wait back on that pitch…suddenly the basketball court is a foreign place to you and you feel completely lost.

You start every game expecting to lose. You know the refs and umps and everyone else and their mom is against you winning this game. You start to ask yourself what’s the point of even trying anymore – then it happens. The shoulders start to slump. The eyes glaze over. That competitive, passionate fire? Gone. And other players like yourself who can see this eat it up. They notice your body language and they start to dominate.

For me, it’s been one long swing of momentum all the way down to the sewer.

And the worst part of it is? The impending doom. You might be winning by a ridiculous amount. 12 points with 3 minutes to go in the game in basketball. 4 run lead at the bottom of the 7^th with no men on. 2^nd place in chip count with 7 people left before you’re in the money. A two touchdown lead with 7 minutes to play.

And then you start to feel it. The other team starts to surge. Suddenly shots that weren’t going in all game are now swishing from NBA range. You’ve got bases loaded from a single followed up by 2 back to back walks and now their two power hitters are up. You go card dead or start to play reckless. That long hailmary pass freakishly tips off of your fingers and in to your opponents for the touchdown. You let off the gas because you figure you’ve got the game in the bag.

It becomes a blur. The moment at which you can stick the dagger in to finish off your opponents is there for your taking but the killer instinct just isn’t kicking in. You frantically search for it and by the time you find it you’re looking up and the clock is reading 0:00. The ump is calling “Game”. People on the other team are high-fiving and not believing that they pulled off the comeback. And you’re shaking your head and wondering what just happened. What went wrong? And on your way home in your car you question everything. You try to find where you could’ve done better. And you promise yourself for next week you’ll do better.

And usually, you do. You do fine.

But not now. Not these past 2 months for me.

After starting the season with 4 straight wins, my basketball team has dropped 6 in a row. We have not changed the roster, I have not seen us play any more or any less talented teams. And yet, we just couldn’t put a win together. A majority of games we were close, and then we just let it slip out of our hands. And we got embarrassed in some of the games.

Before the losing streak, my softball team was 5-2. We ended the season with 6 straight losses to end the season at 5-8 including losing the “play-in” game to the team we were tied with for 4^th place. The team we had to beat to get in to the playoffs. And we couldn’t do it. Two of the must win games in order for us to avoid this “play-in” game we lost in the bottom of the 7^th inning. In those two weeks I experienced back to back walk-offs by the other team. As a competitor it is one of the hardest things to watch another team celebrate at home plate while you wait for them to shake hands and inform them that they played a “good game”.

Because really they didn’t. They didn’t play a good game. We just let them back in when we should’ve slammed the door shut.

And I think one thing people might not realize is that there is only 1 game per week for each of these sports. So if and when I lose, I have to wait a whole week to get back out there and hopefully “redeem” myself – but for those 7 long days I basically get to stew about how poorly I played.

I’ve tried poker unsuccessfully three times during this losing streak. Out of the three times I’ve played – they’ve all been tournaments and I’ve been close in 2 of them. 7 people out of 200 close. All I had to do was sit back and wait in order to make some nice amount of cash. But instead I wanted to take everyone out. And I got greedy. This was one of those times where I had the dagger in hand and I was just trying to end it for everyone in sight. In order to shut the door multiple times you have to open it back up too. And sure enough, I was gone in 17^th place.

And what solidified the losing streak? Flag football this weekend. The guys I’ve been playing with recently are a great group. Sadly enough, I’m one of the fastest out of the group, which should give me a nice advantage in the sport and should produce wins correct? Wrong. In the two games we played on Sunday the team I was on was ahead near the end of the game. And of course in both games the other team came back and won the game. And the kicker? I even switched teams (supposedly to the other team that beat me the first game) and we still lost. Stuff like this really wears on me because I can only point to myself and say, “I must be the reason that we lost”.

The sad thing is, I don’t feel I’ve hit rock bottom yet. Because as soon as I do – there is only one place to go from there. And although some of you who may be reading this might think this post is kind of ridiculous – I think it’s ridiculous to lose at so many different things for such a long period of time. Given the law of averages you have to win at least a PERCENTAGE of the time. But over the past two months? My win percentage has been a giant goose egg.

I’m really hoping that writing it out might fix things. But I’m sure it won’t. (See? Loser’s attitude). Even if I could just win at something I put at least 80% of my effort in to I’d feel so much better. For now though, I get to rest and wait until next Monday. God, Buddha, luck…something, anything help me out here please…this might ruin my “winning” life if it continues.