Lent and Self Over-Analysis

Well, today is Fat Tuesday. Some people are getting drunk. Others are getting fat…ter. Some just gave up on their new year’s resolution. Others are disappointed in the way their Valentine’s day went. Some are angry that others got the day off for a non-holiday. Some people, including me, laughed hysterically at a President’s day sale at Levitz’s commercial that included a Levitz truck backing up to the front door of the White House and our President, fearless leader and commander, repeatedly saying the word “So-fa”. (I searched for about 2 minutes for a link for everyone, but if you missed it, sorry. Definitely the best commercial since I’ve seen the Superbowl – not that there were that many good commercials anyway).

So even though I’m not Catholic (really, do I know what I am? This question is obviously meant for many many many more blog posts) I still “occasionally” celebrate Lent. It’s fun to give up stuff you think you need and test your will power. Burgers. Alcohol. Gambling. I’ve done it before. And I won’t go in to all that mumbo-jumbo over what Lent is and how it came about. Everyone reading this either should A) Know what it is B) Know how to run a google search C) Side note – with the appearance of sites like Wikipedia and ehow.com will anyone within walking distance of an internet connection ever have the ability to ask an actual question (that obviously has an answer) without being responded to with an annoyed, “I don’t know, why don’t you GOOGLE it?”

I’m afraid for our generation. All of our technological advances, and rarely can I find someone refreshing that has anything to say anymore (go figure, I’m writing in my blog instead of yucking it up over a beer – yum beer)

After much run around, let’s get to part of my point. I am giving up impatience for lent. Should lent be capitalized? My spell/grammar check doesn’t come up with anything. I prefer it capitalized, like God, even though the jury is still out on whether or not a higher power(s) really do(es) exist.

After much stress over the past year of me wanting to fast forward to next year, to next week, to the next paycheck, to next May, to the next 3 day weekend per pointless holiday (but a good cause for a great furniture commercial!) I am starting to realize that it’s all going to come in due time. There’s no point in wanting to rush it because it will come. I’ll be here. Even though I was slated to die by 25 (and even I thought this and still 35% of me does – yes, you read that right. I am honestly 35% scared I will die in the next 7 weeks) I don’t think I will. I think I’ll be that old angry bastard that outlives everyone. And has memories to prove it.

Now here’s where the “over analysis” section of this post comes in. Don’t you like how I make sure to partially stay on topic? I was obviously a terrible essay writer in college/high school/junior high…not really though.

I am part of a generation that cannot be defined. Sometimes for fun though, I like to label my peers. I like to label myself. Again, for fun. Because sometimes, it just fits.

And in doing so, I’ve come up with a few things in relation to my desire to give up impatience for the next few weeks. And that is that I feel that I am a part of two groups. One is the “instant gratification” group. Everyone knows this. Everything is so much faster. Everything is so much more accessible. Shit, I wanted to go buy Jim Cramer’s book tonight. Hell, I could do it online right now with the gift card I won for being such a “good little employee” in the 4^th quarter. And with that money, I could have it shipped overnight to make sure a FedEx (love the logo BTW guys) truck is ringing my doorbell tomorrow by 3 pm.

OR, I’ve got my car. I’ve got my gift card. Barnes and Noble is open I believe until at least 10 pm. I could’ve taken 25 minutes out of life, driven down and picked it up. Anything I want. Anytime I want. As long as I have the desire, it is mine. I can’t even imagine what it was like for people back in the 50s to wait for a letter from family. Within an hour of a baptism I can see pictures of my Godson (notice G) and forward it along to everyone that was there. Imagine how long it would take me to send 1 picture to one of my cousins in NYC via Pony Express? Hell, some Indians might even shoot the damn carrier down if he got unlucky (not that I know this occurred in the past, just trying to make some light of the situation, err dark?)

And not that there’s any problem with this. For the most part, I like the availability. My dream in this area is to have everything open 24 hours. I need to know that if I have a craving for a sandwich from Fred Meyer on a Wednesday morning at 2:23 AM that they’ll be there for me (unfortunately they’re not and probably due to FDA regulation bullshit they have to take all the food that isn’t purchased and chuck it).

But the thing is, all this speed, and all the availability leads to burn out. This leads me to my 2^nd point label of my generation as the “everything sucks” generation. Things are hot for a MAXIMUM of 5 years. I think even that lifecycle is getting shorter and shorter. Think of things since you were 13. Tell me how many of them are still “cool”. Even things that lasted longer than 5 years still fell off. Still struggled after that 5 year breaking point. Things grow for 5 years, things are “hot” for 5 years while the speed carries everything around and then it sucks. Suddenly just that 1 extra person found out about Jason Mraz and now he sucks. He’s overplayed. He’s not as talented as I once thought he was. Please, by all means use MySpace as an example. Heck, use this blogger. I guarantee within 5 years traffic on both of these sites will be cut in at least half.

The backlash within the “everything sucks” generation is tremendous. The hatred with which the American public/media can come at a celebrity could be unbearable. I’m amazed that more of them don’t go absolutely berserk or commit suicide. Most celebrities/things just fall away and then are discussed 9 years later through coworkers with the discussion ending in “No, Angelica Huston played that creepy metal thing with weird arms in Captain EO, here, look at the link to Wikipedia” (and your coworker emails you the link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Captain_EO)

So how does this all pertain to me? A good portion of our debt will be done May of 2008. That’s roughly 1 year and 2 months away. We’ve already finished about 20% of it…all obviously on no interest financing (I feel very smart for doing this) and it feels good to be done with part of it. I’ve gotten a little “taste” for what it feels like to have some cash just floating around, smiling at you and saying, “How would you like to spend or invest me today?”

And just the thought of knowing that raises will come. Tax returns will grow. Equity in our home will build. Bonuses and stock options will be given. Knowledge about everything will multiply. Memories will be made and shared. Life will change for the better. The future looks so bright, I want it to be here now. I see things like stocks from China going up 97% over the past 2 months. And I think to myself, if this had been 5 years down the road and I had had $50K invested it would now be $100K…and how suddenly dreams of being a millionaire…a multi millionaire…aren’t so far away.

And I can’t wait. Because waiting sucks. Remember, if I don’t get my “instant gratification” then “everything sucks”. But tonight, when searching for something to give up for Lent, this is what I came up with. I can wait. The next year will be great. Heck, we’re only 3 months away from the beginning of warmer temperatures. And I shouldn’t be pushing through each day, killing to get to 7-10 years down the road. I’m newly married, in a year I’ll be surrounded in more liquid funds than I’ve ever seen in my entire life and really won’t know what to do with it. Here’s praying at the least I’m smart about it. And if you’re thinking to yourself that I may be a little obsessed with money, that is probably true, but to me, it’s really the only worry I’ve got on my mind right now. And honestly, I feel extremely lucky to be saying that.

But until the weekend, until next may, until retirement and beyond, each day is working towards that point. And I want to make it a point for this Lent season to stop a little bit when I start to feel myself rushing. To take a deep breath when I notice my daydreaming start to excite me about my future. To take Wednesday for what it’s worth and not wish I could be at Friday already. There’s a reason I’m here tonight writing this and a reason as to why I’ve got to sit through another 3 days until I’ve got another weekend. I should be savoring this time instead of wishing I was further along. I don’t want to look back at 40 and say I wish I hadn’t hurried so much.

Now is a great time for me to take advantage of my situation. The anticipation of what’s to come is just icing on the cake of what is the present.

And jokingly, for those that really don’t know what Lent is: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lent (link is serious)

Bittersweet Symphony + Extraordinary

"I'm tired of being ordinary".

Someone told me this once. Complaining that their lives were sham. That there was no point.

That what they did on a day to day basis made no difference whatsoever. That if suddenly they were to die, sure their small group of friends, family and acquaintances would all miss them and die, but what would their legacy to the human race be? None really.

"Well do something that makes you extraordinary then."
"Like what?"
"I dunno."

On the road home, stuck in 50 minutes of traffic for 12 miles...a song came on the radio that absolutely spoke to me.

And I know it has spoken to me for sometime. It just didn't come through as clear as it did that June afternoon. 92 degrees and hundreds of cars in front of me...stuck.

Trying to make ends meet
You're a slave to money
Then you die

I'll take you down the only road
I've ever been down

All struggling to get home. Faces on hands. Listening to the radio.

Just to be home to sit on the couch and watch the TV.

Well at least, for most, it's a lot easier than "work". It's a lot more comfortable than sitting in your business casual and crappy office chairs from the 80's.

And you're free to do what you'd like at home. I guess that's the comfort of it.

But how do we all continue on? How do you find purpose in your life? Are the distractions of "shiny objects" or the daily rumors about so called "celebrities" enough for you to hold on to?

Sure, those with children, I can understand. You have children. You have lives that are your responsibility. I can see the purpose in a parent's eyes.

But what about me? Where does my purpose come from? No other lives truly depend on mine. And the difference I make in this world when I'm all said and done will be very little, if at all any.

So what. I want to be extraordinary. How I become "extraordinary" is up to me though. And that's the tough part. I want to be a good force in this world. I want to do more good for it than I do harm. And I just want that to be a portion of who I am, because no matter what, I have to be selfish in the end. Even though I feel like I've got to take care of things outside of my control, I've also got to take care of myself. And making myself a better person doesn't immediately translate in to making this world a better place.

And it's all "wants" and there's very little "do"s. And that's why this is my blog. Because I get to write things out on paper that I've been thinking of. How punching a clock makes me really sick sometimes. But how other people are going through the same thing and somehow they push on day after day. Yet, some people never have this same realization that I do. And that I have this feeling every couple of months...

But I'm doing just fine. A change isn't required. Most people would say I was doing better than fine. But sometimes good enough isn't good enough for me. Ugh, I've been thinking too much today.

Happy President's Day.

Running and Goals

I’m not sure what happened to me.

I’ve been a runner ever since cross country in high school, but ever since high school I’ve been running sporadically. Maybe once a week during the summer, and not at all during the winter.

I figured I had enough running with the long hours I used to spend at the IMA playing basketball. And I was fit. So it’s not like I needed the extra workout. But then alcohol came along. And Dick’s at 3 in the morning, or maybe A pizza mart. Extravagant (not really) trips to whistler that included eating out every 4 hours on top of a drink with every meal. Work. Work happened.

And somewhere along the line, I went from being a “skinny” 190 lb kid to a “beer bellied” 205 lb guy. And I know. I know it’s not that big of a difference. I know that people would look at that and say, “Well I know X guy who’s gained 100 lbs since high school”. But I’m not that guy.

So I set a few goals for myself. By 2008 I will be dunking with at least 1 hand. I’m working on my vertical leap (I only need to add about 3 inches – sounds a lot easier than it actually is) and I want to run the Seattle Marathon. What the fuck, this will be my “quarter life crisis” since I’ll be turning 25 in April anyway. Run 26 miles to bring on the 26^th year in my life? Sure. Sounds like a good idea.

What started it all: I’m back in the gym. Sports is the reason why I work out. Some people work out to look good. Others just do it just because it’s “something to do”. Some people set resolutions for themselves to “lose weight this year” but I wonder the percentage of people still sticking to their resolution by March 15^th? This is partly the reason I stayed away from the gym for most of January…to avoid the “non-regulars” the “seasonals” as I like to call them.

With Michelle introducing back in to organized basketball in the Boeing league, I’ve got a reason to be in shape. I don’t want to be the guy getting left when someone charges hard from 25 feet out to the key. I don’t want to be the guy, during playoffs that’s bent over on the bench, almost about to puke from running so hard. I’ll admit, our team isn’t in the top division, but even in the lower divisions over the past 2 seasons (past 2 quarters) we’ve barely been about .500. I’ve wanted that to change. I’ve wanted our team to run hard, play tough D and win. I don’t claim to be the reason we’ve done so well this season, but I’ve felt much better during our games and we’re off to our best start ever, 4-0.

Running is an interesting thing for me. It’s like “optional work”. I don’t know if anyone feels like I do almost every morning, but every morning I wake up, I say to myself, “I don’t really want to go to work, but I have to.” So I do. With running, it’s completely my choice. Maybe I should say it’s more like a college class. I don’t really have to go if I don’t want to, but wouldn’t I feel better about spending my time learning in the class room setting taking advantage of the money that was spent to pay for that tuition?

Just getting started is the hardest part. Gathering up my running clothes, getting changed, setting up my nike+ (my new favorite toy!)…and mainly just having so many different excuses to not go running is the hardest part about running. Getting out and going there. And when my schedule isn’t the same every week, that makes it tough too. The schedule is this: Lift at least twice a week. Run at least twice a week. Basketball once a week.

The problem with the schedule? There’s no set time or dates for any of it. It’s all very “free form” because it is my “free time”. I just wish I could have that feeling every time I finished. I wished I could know that feeling immediately as I began running. That feeling of accomplishment. The feeling that I pushed myself.

And it’s weird, because I know that feeling. I’ve felt it many times. It’s just having that desire to get to that point that holds me up.

But once I get started (when I do get started) that 30 minutes of running that I do is great. The first 10 minutes I usually spend clearing my head. I’ve constantly got about 3-4 things on my mind. Bills I’ve got to pay. Jobs I’ve got to apply for. Something mean that someone emailed to me and why it affected me emotionally…But once I hit that 5-10 minute mark, it’s clear. My mind is “clean” for lack of a better way to describe it. My focus suddenly shifts.

It shifts to my breathing. The rhythmic in and out of my breath. My foot strikes. Am I using too much toe? Am I rolling my left foot from in to out too much? What’s my speed like right now?

By the end of my run, my focus turns to muscles burning. Which muscles are hurting me right now? My calves, my thighs…can’t stop now…more than halfway finished…here comes the hill, push hard until the top and then you can coast down the back end. This is me hustling to the ball faster than them. This is me out lasting them. What was that sound? Imagine that dog barking is chasing you…run faster…

It’s all very weird self-talk shit that I put myself through. You get a lot of silence (I don’t listen to music when running) when you’re out there on the road in 30 degree weather by yourself for 30 minutes. My neighbors probably think I’m crazy because I typically end my runs with a half-sprint where I come in to our cul-de-sac looking half dead and stripping off my clothes while stretching out.

But I love it. And the fact that it’s good for my body makes it all the better. If I could just help other people with my running, people in need, it would be the perfect act. Wait, I can run marathons and have people sponsor me per mile to donate to good causes right? My life is over…

The idea of running a marathon – and doing well, not having the ambulance drive me across the line as many have proposed – seems like a very daunting task. I was reading up about training for it and some of the web sites suggested running 10 miles in the morning, 10 miles at night. TEN MILES. My normal run right now is 3.2 miles, and that’s still a bit tough for me. My hope was to build up to 10 miles by this summer, have the ability to run 10 miles and just GO, and then do that every other day during the week. After running those every other day, I want to run the full marathon amount (~27 miles) over the weekend.

But just thinking about that makes me kind of freak out. 27 miles? Seriously? I don't think I've ever run that far over 10 miles...and that was in High School...

And I was thinking today about caloric intake. 27 miles would be more than 4 hours straight of running. Right now I run 3.2 miles in 30 minutes and burn 500 calories. Multiply that by 8 and you've got a burn of 4000 calories. A dieter's dream...so I was asking my doctor today (I got a physical) and she said that my "body would adjust" and would try to balance out everything I was burning.

Just for that fact alone, I am interested to see how I do at running 27 miles. And I've got 9 months and counting to properly train. Everyone's been telling me that I need at least a year to train properly. I think that I can usually accomplish tasks (when I dedicate myself to them) at a much faster rate than the average person...

I hope I don't get hurt/injured...

Values

I love to read.

Rarely do I get to read anymore. Last year, I read a lot. The year before that I was reading a lot. From my count about 8-10 books a year. And then the 4 years before that I was just reading text books mainly. Maybe one “for fun” book during the summers. Just as of this past year I stopped reading. Maybe it was because I was reading so much online. So many emails. Web forums. Articles on almost anything, everything you could find on wikipedia. Linking from one subject to the next, taking on pointless little tidbits I’d figure would be useful the next time I was in a bar. Or maybe something to mention to the wife during a silent moment in the car.

And I’d say I had stopped reading since about this past March. I don’t know. Things got busy. Owning a house is a lot of work. I can’t even imagine doing this with children, let alone children and a dog. But finally, since I’ve got some time and I’m working on a few things (about myself), I got back in to reading. And admittedly, (and I’ve always known this) I feel more wholesome reading. I feel more calm. I feel excited about the person I am or motivated to do things to change my part of the world. And I believe that wholesomeness is created by the TV turning off. By me avoiding worthless games where I defeat enemies that were programmed long before I even shot them down, and will be there, waiting for me whenever I want. And avoiding, sadly, the internet. Something I already spend 6 hours a day on at work.

And I enjoy reading things that change my mind on subjects. That challenge my thoughts. Because even the smallest tinkering of my mind is still better than me learning about the background of Justin Timberlake’s latest film “Alpha Dog”. In the scheme of things, something like that is so miniscule it’s ridiculous we waste our breath, or even my writing on it. I used to read “brain candy” books. John Grisham, Wilbur Smith, and yes I even got in to Dan Brown. But rarely did I learn anything from those…

So, of course, I’m hanging from Obama Barack’s nuts now. More importantly, I’m hanging from Oprah’s…I guess…nuts…well, something I’m hanging off of from her. Ever since “Poisonwood Bible”, I’ve been buying up her book club stuff for years. Shit if books had a stock value to them I’d be throwing my entire net worth in to any book Oprah endorsed. Because it is excellent stuff. And it gives me the much needed motivation and excuse to read. And the reason for my title tonight? Something that I’ve thought about a lot lately, but just wasn’t able to write out as eloquently as Obama, from “The Audacity of Hope”:

“When I was a community organizer back in the eighties, I would often challenge neighborhood leaders by asking them where they put their time, energy, and money. Those are the true tests of what we value, I’d tell them, regardless of what we tell ourselves. If we aren’t willing to pay a price for our values, if we aren’t willing to make some sacrifices in order to realize them, then we should ask ourselves whether we truly believe in them at all.

By these standards at least, it sometimes appears that Americans today value nothing so much as being rich, thin, young, famous, safe and entertained.”

This rung so true with me it was ridiculous. This is the part where I get excited. When someone nails me right on the head when I knew I was doing something that wasn’t working just right, but could open my eyes up to something I could possibly start changing about myself.

What do I value? Entertainment. Safety. Money. Looks.

Earlier in the “Values” chapter he goes on to talk about all the stuff we like to “talk” about…but rarely do any of us take any action.

None of us like that fact that many inner city school children cannot read at a 2^nd grade level when in the 6^th grade. But how many of us have actually taken the time to volunteer and help those kids out? No one wants to be in the inner city…remember, “Safety”.

So people look to the government. They say, “Hey! We want you to fix our schools and we don’t want to pay another dime in taxes!” I look at my retirement accounts every day. And I’ll fight tooth and nail to get as high of a raise as I feel I deserve. Did I ever fight this hard when it came to anything else? “Money”.

Instead of keeping quality teachers in Washington state, or providing better technology to help our children compete in the future against other countries which are either 1) Quickly gaining on us or 2) Already surpassed us in intelligence/work ethic, we are looking to spend millions of dollars to build another arena. You know, that thousand dollars you spent on season tickets to the Hawks, those thousands of people that did…If each of them had put even a quarter of that money in to their local schools I’m sure it would’ve made a huge difference. “Entertainment”

And lastly, what do I see when I turn on my TV? When I sit and listen to people complain? It’s about how fat they are. It’s about how they wish they could change themselves. It’s about how in a few years they’ll be considering plastic surgery. And sure, I run and workout every other day, and yes, part of it is for my health. But mainly? I’d rather have a six pack than the six pack of beer I’ve got sitting on my gut right now. “Looks”.

So for me, it’s time for a self-audit. And it’s almost kind of sick to be excited about something like that. But as I mentioned before, it’s self-development. Growth. And of course the cynical side of me will still battle with these thoughts. I mean sure I may feel like I’m progressing, but what am I progressing towards?

But really, that’s a lot deeper than I’d like to get in for right now.

Random Rambling Post

Sometimes I wish everything that I wrote had meaning. Or had a point. Or had a direction I was going in. But sometimes I feel like not being so serious and just writing. Hopefully this can be one of those types of posts.

Last night I had a dream that I got a weekly report from my assistant manager that I was doing “medium”. I woke up this morning feeling kind of uneasy because as of the past year I’ve been the “all star” which isn’t that hard when your department is 8 people large and not growing.

Medium. That’s kind of funny. That’s not even a real rating. It’s more of a size. Maybe that’s what kind of bothered me about it.

Before going to sleep I was laughing pretty hard because I was thinking about Michelle’s phone conversation with sears earlier on in the afternoon. While calling a Sears “appliance specialist” the phone rang through to the sound of people talking in the background and someone typing nearby. Since I’ve worked on the phones basically all my life, I know this was basically someone not paying attention to their phone ringing. The phone automatically picking up, and them leaving the headset somewhere on their desk.

The best part of it was Michelle trying to get the attention of anyone there. Just the way she was half yelling, “HELLO!” in to the phone without being too loud, but loud enough…the “Is anybody there? Is anybody working?” And finally after 5 minutes of this and me chuckling to myself, she finally hung up. The annoying thing is; they’ve got the automated voice response system. You know, the woman who asks how she can help you? And then she says, “If you need help with appliances say, ‘Appliances’”. And then when you say, “Applian-“ she cuts you off and says, “I’m sorry, I don’t understand. For more help you can either say…”

Grrr…frustrating.

After getting married, Michelle changed her last name to mine. You know what I find annoying? The women who have to hyphenate their last name. If your name is so important to you, why not just keep it? Are you trying to show balance between your name and your husband’s name and that’s why you’re hyphenating it? And your children…you’re going to force them to include that hyphen all their lives? And what happens if you have a son who marries a woman that wants to hyphen their name? Does it become name-name-name? And whose name comes first? If the reason you are hyphenating your last name is to show “balance” (really I don’t know the reason why, I guess I could wiki it) then who’s name goes first? And if a name shows up first wouldn’t that create an “imbalance” between the names? Why not create a hybrid name?

I mean, I’ve heard of the people with 4+ names in their name, but don’t you think it’d get a little tiring? Then again, I’m the guy who thinks most people should just have 1 syllable first names. Yes, I am that lazy. But obviously not lazy enough to ponder stupid shit like hyphenating last names.

http://www.king5.com/topstories/stories/NW_011607WABmarthalakeKC.49c1e46b.html

The winter takes another life.

Interestingly enough I’ve been wanting to walk out on my pond…definitely not as deep as Martha Lake (probably 5 feet at the deepest) since I used to walk out on ponds when I was a kid after a few weeks of freezing temperatures. And interestingly enough, I used to throw rocks on to the ice to try and break it or poke holes right next to where I was standing to see where the water was. I’m glad we didn’t get any fish or coy for the pond…they would’ve been long frozen by now…

Frustration: When you have “friends” or “a friend” who doesn’t respond to 3 different forms of contact. Over a week period I have left 1 voicemail, sent 2 texts and sent 1 email. Wouldn’t this be enough for someone to realize that you were trying to get a hold of them to ask them something? The only way I see this not working as valid means of contacting someone is for the following reasons: 1) They are in a remote location or on vacation and left all contacting devices at home. 2) They have no way to contact you because they have either 2a) Dropped their cell phone in to a hot tub/ocean/bath tub/etc. 2b) Lost their cell phone completely 2c) Haven’t had access to their email for over 2 weeks. 3) They’ve read through your texts/emails and listened to your voicemail but just got too caught up in other things to answer your question/request.

How likely that is for these people to be in one of these situations...or all three at the same time? I’m thinking very unlikely. Which leads me to another point. Let’s say I never responded to emails or phone calls or texts. Would anyone still talk to me? Maybe I should start following other’s examples and just either ignoring their calls or texts or just “forgetting” to call back? Who needs flaky friends anyway?

On a less serious note, I think one of the most simple yet satisfying things a person can do is to pick a big booger. I love to pick my boogers. Especially the ones that you don’t grab on the first “pick”. You’ve got to go back in there and dig around until you grab it. And then BAM…when you pull that sucker out…sometimes it’s so large that it’s actually impressive (to me). And I feel better that I was able to get something that large out of my nostril. And yes, of course I think boogers are gross. Unfortunately sometimes I’m proud of mine…

The Worst Winter Ever

Ok, so it’s only January 11th, 2007 right now. And I know, there’s probably still a couple months ahead of us until The Worst Winter Ever (TWWE) is over. And honestly? The only thing I think could change my mind about this winter? Was if a tropical wind blew through here and all of a sudden it was Hawaii. Yes, not Hawaii like weather. Not just 82 degrees and humid, but the darn thing actually brought the beaches, waves, and how about some of the luaus too? That would nice for those of us who have witnessed first hand TWWE.

There may be some people that might question me in saying, “how is it possible that this was the worst winter ever?”

Let me go through and point out some of the differences between this winter and winters past:

October:

October had nothing wrong with it. Everything was basically normal. I really had no complaints. We did drop below 30 degrees a few times. Not unheard of. This is your so called “calm before the storm”. You can’t really include October in the winter months because I consider it as one of the fall months. So, I’m not really sure why I included it here. Maybe I just want my blog to be as content-happy as possible. Or keep up with my preset standards of writing way too much to explain basically nothing.

November AKA “Rain”:

The rain didn’t stop. And it wasn’t just “Seattle rain”. Because Seattle rain is nice. Seattle rain is mid 40s to mid 50s in temperature, and a light drizzle or mist. The rain is so unaffecting it’s like when you get caught at the grocery store in the produce isle and they decide to “wash” the vegetables (supposedly to keep them fresh or clean, or maybe both – how that works, I have no idea). People can function in that rain. Sure it’s a little gloomy, and yes, now the days are starting to get shorter, but everyone is excited for Thanksgiving and the coming holidays. This year was different. Instead of that nice, light mist, we received down pours. Yes, plural. It was like God was doing his dishes, cleaning out one of his pots he used to make soup for all of his children, (or maybe just one hungry one) and was filling it up with water to rinse and he dumped it on all of us, Seattle. God’s in-sink-erator. By the 15th of November I was thinking to myself, “this has got to be some sort of record”. And sure enough, by the 16th it was. Not even barely past half way through the month and we had already broken the record for the wettest month recorded in Seattle history.

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2003433002_weather16m.html

(Article to rain record on the 19th of November)

But the weather doesn’t know records. I understand that records are meant to be broken. But typically records are just barely edged out. This one was crushed. In my lifetime, I’m unsure if I’ll ever see this again. Just as a little excerpt, I thought this was interesting: “Forks, annually the wettest place in Washington gets an average of 17.72" in November and currently has 28.24". (http://climate.washington.edu/events/2006NovRain.html) Only 6 inches off of double what they normally receive. And everyone knows what almost 1” of precipitation per day can do to an area…flood it. There were plenty of people who had to evacuate their homes because the water from the surrounding rivers had come up too high. What usually were puddles on the streets had now become ponds. Back when I lived out in Issaquah, I remember driving through carnation and thinking how it would a total swamp if that place ever got enough rain. And sure enough, on the news, there was carnation. People traveling by boat on what used to be roads…

Grisly death story: A woman was trapped in her basement while it flooded. She screamed for help as the basement filled with water until it filled to the ceiling. Water pressure kept the door to the basement closed on her so she was not able to get out. Neighbors heard her screams and called 911. They tried to resuscitate her when they finally got to her, but were unsuccessful. Drowning in your own basement? Ridiculous.

December AKA “Snow and Wind”:

Near the end of November is when we started getting the snow. Snow around here typically isn’t that bad. I’ve seen some bad snow before, but back then to me it was, “AWESOME SCHOOL CLOSURE SNOW!!!” The snow isn’t really that mentionable, seeing as I received at the most 6-8” at my house which is almost laughable to many other states/countries during winter. However, the cold front that moved in immediately after the snow was no fun at all. All of that snow turned to ice on the road ways + All of the transplants from California + All of the native idiots from here in their big bad AWD/4X4 SUVs who think they can tackle any weather? Rubber on ice is rubber on ice. No matter what car you drive. Anyway, it makes for interesting times on the road. I remember reading in the Times about a guy who stayed in his ’98 Mustang for 18 hours overnight because he got stuck on a hill…just so it wouldn’t get stolen – and laughing hysterically about it. 1) No one wants your car buddy. 2) If they wanted your car, do you think they could go far in these conditions?

Normally I can handle myself quite well in the “cold” with just my fleece coat, thick pants and my leather shoes. Not this winter. I remember going on to weather.com in early December and seeing that it was 8 degrees outside. But it felt like ZERO. And that wasn’t just my opinion. It was stated on weather.com.

By mid December, that was done and gone. And finally I was thinking that we might have some “normal” winter weather. You know, the stuff I mentioned earlier. We had gone about 8 days without any problems…until the giant wind storm hit. And yes, again, (hopefully you’re getting the theme by now) every winter we get wind. Sure, we may lose power for a day or have the lights flicker…but we once again, broke a record. It was the highest wind gusts ever recorded in Washington state history. 69 MPH. If you read through the following link, there are just ridiculous things in there: Planes damaged by high winds. PLANES. Cop cars damaged after roof flies off of dealership. And it’s kind of odd how blatant and boring they write what would normally be interesting stuff.

http://www.komotv.com/news/local/4921736.html

Grisly death story: A couple was driving down a heavily wooded highway when they stopped because a large branch was blocking the road. While the man was out of the car trying to move the debris out of the roadway, another tree fell (from the high winds) and crushed both of them. Sometimes it’s just your time to go.

And my personal story? Wind knocks down trees and sends branches (and other debris) flying. Which in turn knocks down power lines, which in turn means that I have no power or heat. Me and a million and a half other people were in the dark. In December I was without power for 6 days total. 4 of which were right after this storm. I have never had my power out for more than 3 days. And the best part of it was? Literally 200 yards from where I lived, those people had power after 2 days. So those extra 2 days were excruciating. When you sit in a house that’s 40 degrees you realize how lucky you are to have power. And being without power those 4 days? Got me sick. Well I suppose it didn’t help that I was still going about my life normally as if the power wasn’t out. Taking a shower and then jumping out of the tub to a freezing house can’t be good for your health. Playing football in the frozen mud in 30 degree temps can’t be good for your health. And the unfortunate thing? It wasn’t a 24 hour sickness. Almost a month later, I’m still coughing from it. Oh and Christmas? Both Michelle and I were sick. New Year’s? Michelle was still sick. I got my dad and my sister sick too. Overall, a successful sickness. *sarcastic*

January AKA “Ok, this can stop now”:

I’m sitting here, at work. It was 23 degrees coming in to work. 2 people out of my 8 person department are not coming in today because of the snow and ice on the roadway. Already 10 days in, I’ve been without power for 3 of them. When you pay almost $150 a day to live in your own home, it’s extremely frustrating to have to stay with family in the guest room because it’s just too cold to stay in your own house. With most winters, I’m ready for them to end by February. Move this one to today, January 11th. I am ready for this winter to end now.

Where’s that Hawaiian breeze? One of the managers here wrapped his cube in posters of Arizona to make himself feel warmer while he was at work. Sometimes, the mind and body can only take enough…

Being Useful

Yesterday afternoon while relaxing after work, I was flipping through channels. Usually I’ll flip through the first large networks to see what they’ve got on…ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX. I stopped at NBC because Oprah had a guest I was interested in. Someone I was interested in listening to and getting a little background on: Barack Obama. Hopefully, in my eyes now, the next US president. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barack_Obama

He’s well spoken and a great writer. He’s handsome. He’s half black. He’s well educated and is optimistic about our future. Other than Denzel Washington or Oprah herself, I’m not sure how we could get a better person to lead this nation. I’m not registered to vote, so I know that some of you may point at me and say, “You have no right to say anything on this subject because you didn’t contribute to the entire election process”. And all I have to say to that is a few things. First of all, in the past, I didn’t care. My vote wouldn’t have made the difference between Bush and Gore or Clinton and Dole. I wanted Clinton (right about the time I started to realize how much a president affects this country), and he won. I wanted Gore, but in my opinion, the guy lost the election for himself.

And the only law that I felt strongly for? Was the indoor smoking ban we passed here in Washington roughly a year ago. And it passed by a large margin. Really, would me having taken a few hours of my time during election season have changed any of these things? No. It wouldn’t have. And the smoking ban was all I cared for. Now obviously this is a problem. Not only do I feel this way, but I am sure there are millions of other Americans that feel the same way. How can we call our government a “democracy” when over half of it’s constituents don’t even participate?

And this is the problem. Just like the corporate world, employees of large corporations (at least here in my company) have completely lost the sense of ownership, or pride over what their company, or their country in this instance, stands for. The gap between someone like myself and our CEO is so large that there’s no way I could relate, or even possibly have a normal conversation with her unless I somehow was able to schedule one. But even then…what would we talk about? That emotional disconnect, the apathy…that’s what is occurring in this country. And it’s been happening for years now. People just don’t care anymore. And in turn, it creates selfish, fearful creatures who won’t even wave to their neighbors in fear of offending them or getting shot. Does that sound like a place you want to live in?

I really hope that Obama makes the run for the presidency. He’s leading most democratic polls for who the presidential candidate should be, barely inking out Senator McCain. (Thanks CNN for your lovely graph). But after only watching 1 hour (42 minutes sans commercials) of him and his wife with Oprah, the emotional attachment was there again. Here’s a guy I think a lot of Americans who are tired of the cynicism can latch on to and hopefully swing their thoughts more towards hope and a brighter future.

The most interesting part of the interview (other than the laughs and awesome family anecdotes) was when Oprah asked Obama what he thought was the most important question for Americans to ask of themselves. And he responded with something like this: Are you being useful? Are you contributing to your community instead of just thinking of yourself? And he continued on saying how much better this country would be if everyone would step up and consider more than just “what’s best for me?”

And although I’m not a fan of new year’s resolutions, I wanted to try to implement this question in the coming year, and hopefully for the rest of my life. This was part of the reason for this blog. It was for personal growth and reflection, even though at times it may have just been my outlet to vent or share certain events in my life. It is giving me the ability to challenge my own thoughts/ways of life on paper to help me make a more concerted effort to evolve in to a person I love and respect (not that I don’t already, I’m just continually on the look out to better myself in any way).

So Senator Obama – If you do end up being a presidential candidate, you’ve finally driven me (after 6 years of having the ability to) to register and vote. And in the near future hopefully I won’t be forgetting your question.

Am I being useful?

Cynicism – Office Style

One of my favorite shows right now is “The Office”. The main reason is because it reminds me of where I work. And it basically makes most of my darkest thoughts while I’m in my office come true. The show lives on a constant barrage of racial slurs, “un-pc” terms and actions, and the fake enthusiasm that abounds from the higher ups but always seems to fall on deaf ears when it gets to those on the ground level of the company.

And everyone has their own reaction to how things occur in “The Office” and also in my office. There are the people that just aren’t there. The people who do their jobs, and just shrug off everything else. They are neither excited nor offended by anything that occurs in the office. On the complete opposite side of the spectrum, you have people that are the brown noses. Those that suck up to their direct manager hoping that their good office “relationship” will in fact get them somewhere in the near future. They try their best to always show themselves in the best light. Mindless drones that follow commands like my dog does for treats.

Then, there’s the group I put myself in. The cynics. The people that sarcastically laugh in the face of both of these groups (more of the 2nd type though). I take my job as it is. I do not exert more effort than is required. My job does not define who I am and my job is not my life. Now if my job was actually interesting, or if I had some sort of larger responsibility to this company (read: power, more specifically the power to change things) then just possibly the job might mean more to me. But until that point, I’m just going to cross my arms and laugh.

Let me give you an example of something I sat through today:

http://www.the212movie.com/

We were sent to an hour long meeting, half of which was pointlessly wasted on this. My hope is that many of you find this hilarious. Because really, it belongs in some sort of comedy skit. And the reason why it is funny to me? I can just imagine the guy working on this animation. Having an entire script he’s got to include on it. Making sure he’s using photos that aren’t copy written…all that hard work just so that I could give an over emotional clap at the end of it. 212 degrees. You know what else water does at 212 degrees? It burns your freaking hand. Why didn’t they show the guy in the ER with the burn blisters on his hand from spilling boiling water on himself while trying to make a bowl of chicken noodle soup? Why did they go the route of the locomotive?

I’ll tell you why: Because they’re trying to motivate us. YOU. They’re yelling at YOU. NOW is the time. YOU must take control of your destiny. I MUST HOLD IN MY LAUGHTER UNTIL THIS VIDEO IS OVER. Luckily one of my coworkers busted up first…a fellow cynic. I just followed and then continued on with the *almost* standing ovation at the end of it. Seriously, it almost brought a tear to my eye. So vague. So generic. So riveting.

And me? The cynic? PFFFTTTT…I’ll be here the same time tomorrow. In fact, I was here right after that meeting. Did that video evoke any sort of emotion from me to do better in my job? Nope. I’m doing the same job I was before. Except now I have something to add to my blog. And to continue on with the theme:

Near Thanksgiving a mass email was sent (they are all always getting sent to me about “Spirit!” and things like, “Having a Positive Attitude!”) only saying one thing. Names have been removed to protect the innocent. I am such a blatant cynic that I confront those from other groups and laugh at my conniving ways. The first email sent starts at the top:

Sent: Tuesday, November 21, 2006 1:57 PM
To:
Subject: *** 516 ***

The number 516.
You'll find out tomorrow what is special about this number!

From: Q, SETH
Sent: Tuesday, November 21, 2006 1:59 PM
To:
Subject: RE: *** 516 ***

I just heard from my doctor that I’ve only got until midnight tonight to live

Can you please tell me what this means today?

From:
Sent: Tuesday, November 21, 2006 3:05 PM
To: Q, SETH
Subject: RE: *** 516 ***


Oh my, don't kid about things like that.
If you won't be here tomorrow, I would be willing to reveal to you in email…
but only if you wont be here tomorrow!!

This is the kind of stuff I deal with on almost a daily basis. I’m glad my office can provide such great entertainment for me. And of course, I understand the root cause of all this cynicism…but that’s all too deep of stuff for me to be talking about for today. For now, just enjoy the stuff I’m sure most of us have to sit through each day…and hopefully you can laugh at it instead of hanging yourself…

Rando "Holiday" Thoughts

Since I haven’t had a post in a while, I figured I’d write one. I’d like to get out 4-6 of them before this month is over, since I only wrote 2 (2 right?) last month.

And since I haven’t had a random thoughts post in a while, I’d figure I’d go that route.

Every morning that I work, I set my phone alarm for some time between 5:30 and 5:55 am. In my phone, you can name different alarms. One says, “Vegas!”. Others say, “Lose 10 pounds bitch!” or “Time’s up”. The one I use every morning says, “Grateful”. I am in constant flux with myself, always trying to change my thoughts – adjust my attitude. I’m not sure if it’s working. And I’m not sure if even trying like these little notes to myself every morning that my alarm goes off is worth it. The unfortunate thing is, I don’t feel like changing my alarm to, “The Same”. Because I want to be grateful for today. I want to live my life like I am lucky to have today. But wanting and doing are always different things.

In the Boeing employee basketball league, we went in to our first playoff game as huge underdogs, having lost twice during the season to the team we were to face in the first round. Expecting to lose, I was surprised to see us winning with less than 2 minutes left to go. The whole thing felt very surreal. Even after we went down by a point with a minute and 30 left I knew it was over…but we hit shots like we were supposed to. We played with heart that wasn’t there during the season…and we pulled out the victory. Both sides were shocked. It was the best I’ve felt in a long time. Tonight is our next playoff game. This time an even larger underdog than before. This time I am truly expecting to lose. And just like last time, hopefully I won’t be able to sleep tonight from how well we played.

It is hard to run in the pouring down rain. Having very short hair and shoes that are not waterproof doesn’t make for a very good experience. Rain is always getting in my eyes, and my socks are soaked by the time I get home. I set a goal of losing some weight and getting more cut this year as my new year’s resolution. I’ve got 20 days left to do it. It’s not going to happen, but I’ll make a semi-effort which will obviously not be good enough, but at least I tried.

As a gift to us from Safeco, everyone where I work has had the ability to wear jeans since Thanksgiving until the end of the year. Because of this, I’ve had some problems as far as clothing goes. I have more business casual wear than I do jeans wear. The reason being is because the jeans wear is the “in between” section that I’ve no longer been attending to. All I have now is business casual and sweats. Neither of which would be fitting during the “jeans” month. My life is obviously a lot harder than anyone else’s. *sarcastic*

The condo (except for 2 things) is done. It’s taken us 10 days longer than we wanted, but after yesterday, we don’t have to go down there anymore. Or at least we don’t have to go down there every afternoon after work now. It was fun for about 2 weeks. Then after that it got tiring. I’ll share some photos on here once I get the time (or get home).

Since we don’t have to go to the condo anymore. I’m excited to get back to the gym. Even twice a week will be nice. I’m involved in a bet right now where I have to lose a greater percentage of my weight. I figure that working out hard 30 minutes every day and making a concerted effort to eat less and healthier instead of working out every other day for 40 minutes where I don’t try that hard, and eating as much as I want to…*breathe – run on sentence*

During a discussion this weekend with a coworker I heard that after a 2 year radiology program, most come out averaging over $60K a year. In this instance, the person coming out of school was earning $90K a year. I am obviously in the wrong profession. But then I wouldn’t get to write awesome blog posts like this while working (/inflated sense of self-worth).

The only thing about Christmas that I’m excited about is arisaldo (sp). It’s a chicken-rice soup that my mom cooks after we go to church on Christmas Eve. It’s a tradition. That and baking rolls in those Pillsbury cans. Other than that, I didn’t help out with the tree. I haven’t purchased any gifts yet. I change the channel when a Christmas song that I don’t like (about 80% of them) comes on. I guess you can say it all started when 106.9 started playing Christmas music even before Thanksgiving. Since that point, this “season” hasn’t been the same. I hope I can get in the Christmas mood in the next week or so. Otherwise, it’ll pass me by and I’ll be miserable until summer…

Sad to say, there really isn’t anything else floating around in my head right now. Usually there is. But for now, I suppose I’ll save those for later.

War of Terror

This is my favorite song right now. It is a song by John Mayer entitled “Belief”.

I’ll just include the lyrics since they speak for themselves.

Is there anyone who

Ever remembers

changing their mind from

The paint on a sign?

Is there anyone who

really recalls

Ever breaking rank at all

For something someone yelled real loud one time

Everyone believes

In how they think it ought to be

Everyone believes

And they're not going easily

Belief is a beautiful armor

But makes for the heaviest sword

Like punching under water

You never can hit who you're trying for

Some need the exhibition

And some have to know they tried

It's the chemical weapon

For the war that's raging on inside

Everyone believes

From emptiness to everything

Everyone believes

And no ones going quietly

We're never gonna win the world

We're never gonna stop the war

We're never gonna beat this

If belief is what we're fighting for

What puts a hundred thousand children in the sand

Belief can Belief can

What puts the folded flag inside his mother's hand

Belief can Belief can

Just reading the words alone, it is pretty blatant what John is getting at. However, this song changed my thoughts on the war, amazingly enough. I’ve been completely against the war in Iraq since the beginning. I pointed out to Michelle how it was completely pointless to go after Hussein when Osama was the one who orchestrated 9/11. (Or so I believe). The whole time I was saying, “We’re going after the wrong guy!” And Michelle can definitely remember the argument we had about it.

But our nation’s leaders said, “WMDs! WMDs!” And once again the American public was duped. But I don’t even know how many people were actually duped. How many of them were like me and just shrugged it off and said, “Bush is finding a way to justify this vendetta”. Funny how we didn’t have a “war” with Clinton in office (against Iraq), and yet Bush finds a way to push another one on us...

Which brings me back to this song. Everyone has their own thoughts on it. There are some of us who try to change other’s thoughts on it but it’s not going to work. We think like we do for a reason. And what makes sense to us necessarily isn’t going to make sense to another person. And yet trying to force the “other side” to think likewise is what is causing this horrible struggle…or the apathetic nature of some of us (me included). The thought is: Why try? What’s the point? Why discuss/debate with anyone else when nothing will change? There’s so much (obviously) that I’d like to say about the situation over there…but it’s pointless. What I say is not worth anything.

Do you ever remember when someone surrendered with their life on the line? This is a line in the song that is sung in the background. It wasn’t included in the lyrics attached to this post but it is the truest line in the song. Imagine if a foreign army invaded our country and tried to take our President to trial? We wouldn’t give up an inch. Every single one of us would fight back for what was ours. Why do we think that mentality changes when we apply it to other countries? So many dead for nothing…

We're never gonna win the world

We're never gonna stop the war

Inflated Sense of Self

Something I’ve been struggling with lately. Self worth. I like to think that I am worth something. Anything. I also enjoy thoughts of “deserving” things. My logic on it is that actions A, B, C correlate to rewards of D, E, and F. And by already taking those actions (for example doing well in school to get in to a good college and take a specific major that was in demand) would get a quality job which would in turn pay for the rest of my life. And so, over the past week or so, I sat here, waiting to apply for a higher up position, that I definitely felt “qualified” for and in a sense also “deserved”.

Heck, the pay was better, the hours were better, the commute was the same (which is perfect), and the job itself was more challenging. To describe it best, I am the tree currently. If I got this job, I’d be working with the forest. But after a stern “no” from a phone interview with an HR person who didn’t even know what the job was, my life/emotions caved in on itself. So much optimism. So much excitement. Such a feeling of, “Great, I deserve this…I’m moving up…I’ll be making more…every step I take up this ‘ladder’ is going to bring me that much closer to my ultimate goal of retiring early”.

But now I sit, 2 days after the phone interview, scratching my head and knowing exactly what went wrong. I didn’t have the previous experience in the position. That’s what they were looking for. Someone with previous experience. I can’t blame myself for this. In that department, this was a “2nd tier” position out of 3 tiers. What I was told is that someone like me who was outside of the department should maybe consider starting in the 1st tier instead of jumping straight in. What I was told was obviously right. But at the time, and still till today, it stings. But the only reason it does sting, is because I was so hyped up on taking this position. Everyone in the department told me I’d be a good fit. Heck, even my manager did.

Maybe this is the backlash from not getting something I desire? The only way my brain can handle itself is by punishing itself after things like this. I am definitely the type to beat up on myself after failure. With the declination through the interview process, I kept thinking to myself, “Why did I feel like I deserved that position? I did almost nothing to earn it, and yet I felt like it was supposed to be mine?” This is the inflated sense of self that I am referring to the aptly named title of this post. And I was thinking more of this last night.

What we project out to the rest of the world around us is the person that we want everyone to think we are. Yet, how many of us are faking it? And I know this has been over so many times with other writers…through songs…through movies…but what we do and what we own should not define us. But on Monday, I was falling in to that trap. “Wow, if I get this job I’m a step down from becoming a DBA…that’s what I’ve wanted to do since I learned about it in college…2 years out of college and I’m already on my way to doing what I really want to do”. And I’d define myself like that.

“Hi my name’s Seth”
“Nice to meet you Seth, name’s Charlie”
“Same to you Charlie”
“So Seth, what do you do for a living?”
“I’m actually a DBA for a large Insurance Company”

And that would be it. And the rest would speak for itself by the clothes I wore. The car I drove to the house that I lived in with the large TV that I watched. I would never have to say anything because I can just let those things define the person I am. The tastes I have. And here is where my conflict has come up. I don’t want to let any of this define me. I want to decide what defines me. I don’t want to lose the person I am to these things…to my job. And I don’t want to act the same way towards other people. Here is an example of my coworker, my assistant manager, and I jokingly (but halfheartedly serious) doing this yesterday, and it just irks me a bit now that I look back at it.

Coworker: You know that shoe store next to the Best Buy in Lynnwood?
Me: Yeah, ummm…Famous Footwear?
CW: Yeah, that’s the one.
Me: What about it?
CW: Oh, I was just planning on heading there to buy some boots and maybe some heels tonight.
Me: Sounds like a good plan.
Assistant Manager: You’re going to go to Famous Footwear to buy shoes? *incredulous*
Me: *laughs*
CW: Yeah, what about it?
AM: Well, usually they sell cheap, name brand shoes there for about $50 or less.
Me: Yeah, why don’t you spend like $120-$150 on shoes like AM and I do?
CW: Well, I just wanted some cheap boots to wear in this horrible rain.
AM: I’d recommend spending $175 on a high quality pair that will do really well in the rain.
CW: Usually I buy my shoes at target and within a year they’re falling apart.
Me: Of course, that’s the difference between a 3 year old in China making them, and a 5 year old in Thailand. That’s what 2 more years of shoe making experience will do for you.
AM: *laughs* If you come in tomorrow with your famous footwear boots, I will laugh at your lowly peasant shoes.
CW: *laughs* I can’t wait to come in tomorrow after I get my lowly peasant boots.

See? This is the kind of crap that I am talking about. Although we were joking about it here, deep down there is an ingrained mentality that the clothes you wear represent the type of person you are. Sometimes I wonder why I feel like “dressing up” when I go out. Then I think of all the years of my parents telling me not to look like a bum and realize it’s more of a habit…that judgmental side in all of us that’s been passed down…

Ummm, yeah, I had a lot of points I wanted to make…but since it’s so early in the morning, I’m not sure if I touched on any of them. To say the least at this point, I am a bit conflicted with some of my thoughts. Hopefully some of this made sense…

Halloween 06

Halloween is here.

Here is a picture of my awesome pumpkin. I make pumpkins that 5 year olds can make.

Because my artistic skills got left behind at about kindergarten...



And we are now the proud owners of a rental property.

Wow. We've got a lot of work ahead of us.



Everything needs replacing except for the walls. Well even some walls need replacing so scratch that. Basically everything but the kitchen sink has been there since I believe before I was born. Ironic isn't it? It's going to be a very interesting November.

And unfortunately, just like September and basically all of October, expect less posts...due to a busy time in my life. Investment property...wow...somehow I feel like I'm doing a very good thing with my money...and while giving my sister a place to live! Her very own condo...

Did I talk about the death of Online poker? Maybe you've read about it. Anyway, Party Poker died for me on the 13th of October. My favorite President of ALL TIME signed a bill that basically cut one of my "leisure time" activities out. Now I have to play at a casino with people I don't like. Seeing 100 less hands per hour. Playing in tournaments with 3 to 5 thousand less people for the same buy in. Having to pay ATM withdrawal fees.

And since I'm the addictive personality when it comes to gambling...I found an old passion of mine...something I dabbled in back in my, "I'm good at blackjack and craps" days. Sports betting. No more poker online? Ok...then sports betting. Christ. Just this past weekend, I had close to $100 spread out over 12 different NFL games, 14 different college games, and even the freaking World Series...and now the NBA starts tomorrow night? Oh my achin' back...thank God I've got other hobbies...otherwise I'd be stuck in front of this monitor betting that Dwayne wade would score more than 7 points in the 3rd quarter on the road against the Nets since Richardson had switched off of him...tuned so intently in to TNT...or ESPN...or whoever the fuck is showing it live...

And that's another thing. Poker used to take a lot of time from me. When I was doing well with it (not as a profession) I was playing 2-4 hours a night. Now I've replaced that with screaming at the TV for letting me miss a Fifteen Grand parlay off of five bucks when New Orleans gets destroyed and Philly can't score a freaking touchdown to save their lives. For that Donovan, you don't get to go to the playoffs.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure I've stayed up long enough for that brownie to not give me nightmares. Hopefully I can get some picture updates (or at least words since obviously I'm now picture happy) on the condo while we work on it. Total time spent working so far: 3 hours. (not including travel time of course)

It's been a long time

“We shouldn’t’ve left you, left you without a dope beat to step to”.

Not really.

For some it might have been an eternity. For others, maybe I just skipped a month? Writing in here suddenly became so hard to me. I wanted to write about things that were awesome, exciting…interesting. But I had nothing really to say. And every time I wanted to rant about something, or express my joy towards something…I just never found the time to put it in writing.

So here it is. Here is some of it. Here is the best I can do with my keyboard and my mind trying to translate what I am saying in to words.

Joy is having the best wedding of the summer. Joy is surpassing some of the best weddings you’ve ever been to but being better in the ways you wanted it to be. Joy is taking weeks off of work to travel the coast. See things I’ve heard about or seen a million times on TV but never taken the chance to see them in person. It is like the Golden Gate bridge. I have seen it so many times on TV…in movies…but until I came around that corner and saw it…until I drove over it…that was an experience I won’t forget. Joy is very hard for me to express. And I had this same frustration with music. As I’m sure most other artists have had. The medium that restrains me may have prevented me from sharing anything…everything…because words were too little. To write it out would be great to read years from now on, but even still it can’t really capture the whole of it.

I ran in to the same thing back when I was composing music for the piano. Yes, I wrote music up until about my sophomore year of high school. I became delusional with it after I wanted to make something that broke through, only to realize that every note ever played has already been played. More than likely, every chord progression has been progressed through. What is original is not and is actually just a transposition of previous compositions. People compare. They make similes. They’ve seen or heard things before. They label. How does one say a professional basketball player is like two previous basketball players mixed in one? How do people apply this notion to music? And to writing?

It must be truly frustrating for artists who try to be completely original. This is my work. This was created with my own hands. And although I do have my influences, those created who I am. Yes, these words have been used before. And of course I have read and heard them at every turn. But it is the medium in which I must communicate and therefore it is the best I can do. It’s almost a feeling of being imprisoned by knowledge…

Really though. What am I saying. I’m just getting lost in my own late night drabble.

To get on to things less serious…Online poker as we know it will now be gone in the next few weeks, months…gone. On October 13th, 2006 a bill was signed that made it illegal for any US resident to place an online wager…at least in the state of Washington. And lucky me, I live in Washington. Since before the wedding I hadn’t really been playing much as I had played a TON on the bachelor party and really if I can get a good weekend session once a month I’ll be held over just fine. But now, almost 2 months later, I sat here and looked at a blank Google screen wondering what the fuck I was going to do with myself. I traded shifts with a coworker for one day. Which means that I get to wake up 3 hours later than normal.

Lucky me. That also means if I would like I can stay up 3 hours later than normal. So that’s what I’m doing. Normally, I would’ve been asleep at the latest 30 minutes ago. I definitely feel tired enough to do so…but how many chances will I get like this of staying up and being able to wake up late? Regardless tomorrow will suck. And the day after that will be about the same. Along with every day there after. Sometimes I really wonder how people carry on. Even the most stressful jobs have their monotony…their “grind”. And I don’t understand why I’m feeling like this. I mean, I do, but I don’t really want to fight it. It just seems like a lot of the corporate culture I’ve experienced is that you’re there for the paycheck. You’re not there to change the world. Use the money you make to make yourself “happy” outside of work because obviously for the 8 hours your there, you’re just shuffling…pushing paper.

To completely change the subject…because I’ve been doing that tonight obv…I wanted to share pictures. Pictures that meant the most from my honeymoon. And I won’t include captions. You can just look at them and think what you will of them. Make up your own caption for them…whatever…but shit I’ve got to resize them for that to work. And I want them to be below this post…so that means I’ll have to post them first. *sigh*

Anyway, that is my first post back from a somewhat confused and frustrated with blogs hiatus. I mean, in my journals I used to keep with pen and paper sometimes I would just doodle and write randomly throughout the page to keep my mind working…on this computer screen I’m really enclosed to just this line…and that’ll end it. Hopefully I’ll be back.

Honeymoon Pics 3

Honeymoon Pics 2

Honeymoon Pics 1

Honeymoon Pictures