30 Minutes

Of free writing.

Ready, go.

I've been reading blogs for the past 30 minutes. And when I do that, I like to write in my own. Or maybe I had a feeling that I wanted to write something tonight, but instead I sat down and read other blogs instead.

When I read other blogs sometimes I get jealous. I think to myself, "Damn, I sometimes think that too. Why didn't I write that?"

But I don't write it because I feel like it would partially be plagiarism even though I would try to write it in a way that would sound like I was saying it.

I've been told that before. That I write like I speak. Or at the least that people can hear my voice when they read my words. I find that interesting. Maybe it's because I'm saying the words in my head as I am typing them?

Maybe.

I wanted to write for 30 minutes because I didn't want to sleep yet. I have been tossing and turning lately when I go to bed, even though I might be physically exhausted. Ever since I got back to Washington my right eye has been twitching. I wouldn't say I'm under a lot of stress, but maybe it's just a lot of little stresses that are messing with me. I wanted to write "stressers" or "stressors" but neither of them are actually words. Dumb.

For example, our garage is full of our crap right now. Or at least crap we haven't figured out where to put yet. When we left for Charleston I don't remember thinking we had packed that much and yet we had come home with more. Or at least it felt like more. Or at least when I got home I felt just fine with the things I had when we got here, then another 700 pounds of crap showed up one rainy night.

Oh I love the rainy night such a beautiful sight.

Not really.

So with all the crap in the garage we get to fit one car in there, and of course the brand new car goes in the garage so mine gets to sit outside...and I get to scrape off the frost tomorrow and freeze my hamstrings off tomorrow morning. See, little things.

I check the weather in Charleston every day and day dream about walking the dog (sad) down to the river.

Instead I get to walk her up to power lines that run to the substation almost a mile away. And have to cover my hands and ears with clothing because I am afraid they'll fall off. Not really, I'm being dramatic.

I try to rub the stress out of my twitching right eye but it doesn't work. I looked up causes and solutions to it but the internet - as it is probably about a third of the time I use it, was not completely helpful.

I mean, when was the last time any of us said, "I know for a fact that X". Where "X" equals something you know stone cold and hasn't been disproven (which blogger says isn't a word). I can hardly say it. I have to preface things with, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure that X". Why? Because Wiki will probably provide us with the answer. Who needs a brain (or Jeopardy?) when you've got wiki? And yes, I know even wiki can be wrong.

Wow, 9 minutes and I feel like I've gone down the wrong path on this post. I want to make a u-turn but I don't want to go back to what I originally was writing about.

We completely redesigned my "office" this past weekend. Paint. New shelves. Movement of furniture. New track lighting. All assuming that I'll be moving home with my job soon. I got a pretty sweet graphite or dark sand looking paint color in my room. I added this gold fleck to remind me of that dark sand color - sometimes you'd see the sand sparkle in the sun/moonlight when I was at the beach.

I was just thinking before I wrote this post - and as I was reading all the different blogs I follow that there's just too much out there. There's too much information available to us every day. Too many TV channels. Millions of web sites. So we put blinders on, or we try to condense as best as possible. It has almost become a chore for me to keep up on things I "enjoy". I don't think it's supposed to be that way. Jeez - that sounds like one of those questions that people ask you in regards to depression. "Do the things that you would normally enjoy not seem fulfilling any longer? Depression doesn't hurt just you, but it also hurts those around you."

I like to think that this is going to prevent the tossing and turning tonight. I like to think that all of the thoughts that keep me up at night I can throw out on this. I like to think I'll wake up tomorrow feeling refreshed. I like broccoli.

16 minutes. And at least 2 of them wasted looking down at the keyboard and trying to listen to my thoughts.

I am thinking that I wish I had written in the earlier part of this post about how some bloggers have this way of writing about things outside of themselves. How they do such a good job describing things and including very little about their own thoughts. I was thinking about how my blog is not even close to that - although sometimes I try. I was thinking how I didn't want to write this at this portion of this post because reading this now makes it seem like I'm scatterbrained. Which at times I can be.

For the past 4 days I've meant to call my dentist. For the past 8 years I've meant to give them my phone number instead of my parent's phone number. Then again, my parents could always give my dentist my phone number too. But maybe they like that little portion of parenting they have left. Every 6 months they get to call me and remind me that I've got a dentist appointment coming up. I get along with my dentist because 1) He is Asian (albeit Japanese) 2) He went to UW 3) He loves the Seahawks and actually helps track stats at every home game for them.

So like every good man to man relationship, we can always talk sports. Or, at least I can try my best to talk while my mouth is open. I wish I could get a cleaning every other week instead of once every 6 months. Within a couple days I feel like my teeth have reverted back to their old dirty ways (not really, I floss every other day and brush twice daily).

I've turned around a couple times because I see the reflection in the TV that's sitting on the desk in front of me. I think someone is creeping up behind me. But really it's just the movement of my fingers typing.

And then for some reason I was thinking about watermelons talking while I was writing about my dentist. I don't like to eat watermelon and people think I am crazy. I don't like the taste or the texture. It's kind of like a flimsy pear that was injected with water to me but with not that great of flavor. Give me an apple any day please.

But can you imagine walking in to a Top Foods (random store I know) and going in to the produce section and all of the watermelons were just chatting it up. All they had were mouths and when they talked you could see in to what I guess would be their throats. I would be creeped out seeing people throw watermelons in to their carts. I wonder what they would say when they were separated from the others.

Pretty good for 25 minutes so far.

Now on to the home stretch.

I have way too much crap that's got sentimental value. I wish things would be like this blog. Full of interesting stuff (for me to read) and it doesn't take up any of my own space at all. Like I wish I could send in something like my Bear Stearns Squeeze Bear which sits proudly atop my office desk - send it in to some company where they crush whatever you have way down to something that's maybe a millimeter thick and they place it in to a lock box for you. You pay a yearly fee of something like $25 and they just hold your compressed crap like that. Maybe someday you're thinking to yourself that you'd like to bring back some good memories by looking at your sentimental stuff so you go to them, pick out the things you'd like to see and they, I guess, reanimate them for you. Bring them back to actual size.

And when you're done having a jolly reminisince you can tell them to crush it back down to size and keep it for later.

I'm going to spend the next 1 minute reading back through this post.

Yes, I never denied being weird.

Home Sweet...Weird

You know that weird feeling...

When you run in to someone from your past

And they look oddly familiar to you

But you can't place them

And here they come...up to you...shaking your hand, giving you a pat on the shoulder, remembering your name and asking you how someone significant in your life is doing.

Yet you can't figure out their name. You can't figure out where you've spent time with them before. But you know you have.

And yes - how crazy it is that we run in to each other here of all places! Ha ha!

And finally you give in. You don't want to walk away from this conversation not knowing who this person was that was familiar.

Sometimes it completely clicks. You put it together. They've changed their hair! They've lost weight. Or maybe a complete wardrobe makeover.

Or, sometimes you're still at a complete loss. They try to explain it to you further. C'mon! Don't you remember me from summer camp 1997? Remember how we got stuck in that tree that we were climbing and we had to get a counselor to get a ladder? Hilarious right?

Still nothing. You're searching your memory.

That's how the past few hours have felt for me. I walked in to a house that I've spent a great amount of time in in the past. Things looked perfectly familiar, but in the slightest ways either they had changed or my memory never took proper pictures of them. More than likely the latter.

Things that weren't in my memory now confused me.

I don't remember the toilet bowls being so round. And small. I thought they had plastic handles, not metal. And the flushing is pretty weak. Do I remember them being this weak? Maybe. But it seems like so long ago.

The carpet is thinner and not as soft as I remember. When I was playing with the dog I got down on all fours and touched the carpet with my hands for the first time today. It looks the same, but it feels completely different. Is this my house or is this a copy of my house? That's exactly how I felt.

The couch sunk a lot. And I'm not sure if that was our renter sitting in it way too much, or maybe how I had sat on a very hard microfiber couch for the past 6 months. I asked the wife to look in to re-stuffing it when 6 months ago I didn't have one problem with it. In fact I specifically remember thinking how great it was to just throw my fat ass in to it after work.

The sink is shallow. Or maybe is it because the sink in Charleston was so deep. These are the things I can't decide. Did I think the sink was shallow before I left? Because I don't remember it being this shallow.

The pantry slides faster than I remember. When I opened it this afternoon I almost broke one of the folding doors because I slammed it up against the wall. Wasn't it harder to open this when I left? Did our renter grease the tracks? It was the same thing with the fridge. Almost as if the fridge had gone on a diet and lost weight while I was gone. It was scary how easy it was to open one of the fridge doors - and no I have not been lifting more than often.

The paintings and pictures that hang on the wall are crooked to me now. It's almost as if a minor tremor had shaken them from their spots - of what I remember. But did I ever notice if they were off-center before we left? I don't remember thinking that I should adjust anything that we had hanging.

The garbage. Wow, we have to separate out our garbage again. Washington State has curbside recycling pick up. And not only that, but instead of just bringing my trash bag to the garage to dump off I've got to put it in my trash can which has to be rolled to my curb once a week. It's amazing that I had forgotten about this after bringing the trash to the curb since I was a teenager. And if you knew how far away my curb was from my house you would know why this is somewhat shocking to me.

Our stove and microwave suck. The set up we had in Charleston was much better. Bigger. More technologically advanced. I didn't realize how spoiled I was to have a "reheat plate" setting on my microwave. Through 5 days of being back home I have had to either stop the microwave because of exploding food or reheat something because I didn't warm it up for long enough. The wife is already shopping for a new range.

The first time I needed silverware I looked in 3 different drawers before finding them. I could not believe it. I kept saying to myself, "Now, if I were me, where would I logically put the silverware?" I was embarrassed in my own house at the gap that was in my memory.

The house is much colder than I remember. And yet we have the heater on at 68 degrees while we're home. Just like we had it before we left. Is it because it's not 80 degrees outside? Is that why I'm so cold?

It took me about 3 weeks of living in Charleston to get used to our living space and where everything was. And since we just received the shipment from Charleston of all of our household goods I'm assuming it will take me just as long now that I'm home. I've stashed away a lot of things today that I am sure I will need within the next 3 to 6 months. Then I'll sit there and scratch my head and wonder if I lost it in Charleston or if it's buried deep under my pile of crap somewhere in the corner of a closet that hasn't seen any action in the last 3 to 6 months.

But when that time comes, I'll deal. And until then, I will require time to readjust - get reacquainted. It was kind of tough for me to come home to such fanfare and celebration - because I don't feel comfortable here yet. And I don't want it feel like home just yet.

For those reading - I'd recommend looking around at the place you call "home". What are things that you just don't even recognize where you are? The color of the walls, the placement of furniture or art. The characteristics of your appliances. These are things I just kind of expected. Nothing I ever paid any attention to until now. I guess there wasn't enough room in the brain for it all, and I am afraid I've already pushed out some of Charleston to make room for Bothell.

I guess the best way to put it would be that it feels comfortable - but in a sense like a 4 or 5 star hotel. The realization that I might be here for a solid amount of time still hasn't sunk in yet. I'm waiting to get that email that says, "Want to go back to Charleston?"

And I might be waiting for a long time.

I Remember - Charleston Style

It's crazy to me that 6 months ago, I was on the road driving through a lot of states I had never seen before. And in a couple days I'll be doing the same thing, but this time heading to a place I've been my entire life.

So knowing that, I wanted to write about a few things that stuck out in my mind before I leave. Things that hopefully I will remember forever (regardless of how random they are) but if not I can come back to this blog and read about it again.

I remember:

-The first night we finally got to Charleston. Of course I got to see my very first Southern storm. The rain in the south is not like the rain I was used to in Seattle. Even when the wind whips around in Seattle that rain isn't as hard as it is in Charleston. It was almost like the rain drops were bigger than I was used to. And I remember driving to our hotel that first night, barely being able to see out the windshield and suddenly hearing this loud CLAP and BOOM immediately afterward, seeing as how a bolt of lightning had either just struck the car, or had hit somewhere very close to us. I thought it was a fitting welcoming party.

-Trying to unpack that night. Trying to pull all of the luggage and everything else out of the car in a downpour. Only to check in to a hotel we absolutely hated and moved out of the next morning.

-Losing my ass in the market during the drive out to Charleston. Only to make back everything while trading from a hotel room at the Residence Inn in North Charleston. Sitting there, waiting to move in to our house which still had renters in it. I remember the free beer and free food they had at the Residence Inn. I guess this is something they did at most of the hotels down here. Free breakfast - and not just your standard bagels and muffins, but actually pancakes, waffles, bacon, sausage and eggs. And free happy hour dinner. Free keg of beer, and typically a BBQ dinner.

-Taking the dog on a walk around the hotel and her getting bitten by ants. At that point I realized I had to take the "critters" down here a lot more seriously than I did at home.

-Going to the most empty Costco I had ever seen in my entire life. Granted, it was during working hours, but the parking lot was almost empty. I remember sitting in the car and eating a Costco hot dog (which wasn't as good as back home) and a salad in the sun and feeling that nice breeze.

-Getting my car shipped to the hotel and driving to the house we'd be living in for the next 6 months. Windows rolled down, blasting the music and driving through the gorgeous lowcountry. That turn off of the 526 to Daniel Island surprised me the first time. It was almost a 90 degree turn that I thought I would be run off the road by.

-Going to the Isle of Palms for the first time. And looking around and thinking to myself, "This is what a Carolina beach is supposed to look like. I can't believe we live so close to this." And immediately understimating the power of the sun and getting burned. I remember swimming in that ocean - tiny waves but still a lot of fun. Cheaping out on an umbrella that would constantly fly away on us.

-Sitting by one of the many community pools on the "DI" and reading my book. Wishing I was retired down here.

-Being so scared the day I left for Europe. Which was only 10 days after moving in to our new house. It was storming throughout the morning and the wife was so afraid to be alone in a new place.

-Having my cousin that had lived down here for a few months introduce us to all his favorite places to eat. Jim and Nick's, Sushi Hiro, Home Team BBQ. There were so many great places to eat in Charleston - Tsunami, King Street Grill, Fatz, Huddle/Waffle House (not really), Five Guys, Dog and Duck, Gene's Haufbrau, Virginia's on King, Joseph's, Seabiscuit, Boulevard Diner, Bookstore Cafe, Sweetwater Cafe and Fulton Five only to name the restaurants I can think of.

-The food down here. Collared greens. Shrimp and Grits. Fried Chicken...and waffles. Fried green tomatoes, pickles, and okra.

-Downtown Charleston. All the shops. All the old homes. Battery Street. King Street. East Bay Street. Calhoun. The frustration from the lack of a grid system and too many one way streets in the wrong places. The bar scene downtown off of Market and the way people dressed up down here to go out. Walking across the Arthur J Ravenel bridge. The Farmer's market they held every Saturday morning. The crepes, the mini-doughnuts, the live music, art and fresh farm produce. All the churches and graveyards, the cobblestone drives, the government buildings that had survived generations. The ghost tours - one on boat and one by foot.

-Going to Florida multiple times to visit the wife's Grandma. Realizing each time how much better a city Charleston was than Tampa Bay. But happy to play golf for free. Watching an old projection screen TV each time until we conviced her to go out and buy a new LCD. Being stuck to leather couches in a house that was 82 degrees. Swimming in an outdoor pool that wasn't much better.

-Discovering the surrounding areas and all their small town Southern charm. Hilton Head, Beaufort, Savannah, Columbia, Folly Beach. It's nothing like where I'm from. Each town has it's own character. That's something I'll definitely miss coming from the land of strip malls filled with Quizno's, Target and Starbucks circa 1990s. There are buildings and houses down here that are centuries old. There's something about knowing that generations of people have walked the same path as I have. New buildings definitely have their benefits but after seeing what history has to offer I just think they lack soul sometimes.

There is definitely more memories in this head of mine. When I get them out on paper I'll post them up in October.

Recession Preparedness

The market is typically early to the party. My guess about 6 months early.

Which means that recession is headed our way. A true, defined recession of at least 2 quarters of negative GDP. We haven't been involved in a technically defined recession yet, but I feel like it's been slow to come on, and we will definitely be slow to come out of it. In my opinion the economy has been in recession since about February of this year.

Knowing this, it's important that we all be prepared. I by no means am prepared and the questionnaire I'm writing is more for my own enjoyment (partial daydreaming or thinking about how much worse it could be for me). Also, given the current economic landscape I feel a calling towards financial planning for people who have gotten themselves in to trouble. I haven't seriously looked in to a position like that though.

Below is the questionnaire. Score along if you'd like to see how you stack up. You may need a calculator and your bank and credit card statements to help you out.

Question 1:

When I add up all of my necessary monthly bills which I need to pay in order to live (mortgage/rent, utilities, food) they equal which percentage of my monthly income?

A) 20% or less
B) 35%
C) 50%
D) 70% or more

Question 2:

Assuming the possibility of a 10% unemployment rate (or higher) the likelihood of me losing my job is:

A) Highly Likely or already lost my job
B) Likely
C) Unlikely
D) Will not happen or I am my own boss and wouldn't lay myself off

Question 3:

When someone asks me about my health I say:

A) I eat well and exercise regularly. I am almost never sick, have a good family history and am drug and disease free
B) I try my best to eat well, but time constraints make me cut corners and skip workouts
C) I don't watch what I eat and walking up the stairs in my house is enough exercise for me

Question 4:

When I look at the things I pay for on a monthly basis which are not necessary in order for me to live they equal what percentage of my monthly income?

A) 10% or less
B) 20%
C) 30%
D) 40% or more

Question 5:

If I were to pay off all of my credit cards right now - allowing your bank account to possibly go negative - how long would it take to get back to your current financial standing?

A) I feel that I could never get back if I paid off all of my credit cards.
B) It might take me two to three years.
C) One year or less.
D) I don't have any credit card debt to pay off.

Question 6:

My savings habits look like the following:

A) I am barely scraping by making minimum payments on my credit cards and might possibly default on my loans. It is not possible for me to save a dime.
B) I set up this thing called a 401K through my employer. Not sure what that is though.
C) I contribute the amount my company will match to my 401K and have started an IRA for anything extra I can afford to save.
D) I contribute the amount my company will match to my 401K, max out my IRA every year and put the rest in to a cash nest egg to be used for emergencies only.

Question 7:

The amount I have saved (non-retirement):

A) I have enough cash to afford my life for a year or more without any income to supplement it.
B) I have enough cash to afford my life for 6 months without any income to supplement it.
C) If I really cut back my spending lifestyle and sold a few things I might be able to survive 2 or 3 months without any income.
D) You mean you have more than $0 in your bank account?

Final Question, Question 8:

How concerned are you with the current economy and the economy over the next 2 to 3 years?

A) Don't know, don't care. Ignorance is bliss.
B) I read the news every now and then, hasn't affected me personally and therefore I have not changed my lifestyle.
C) I have educated myself on what is happening in the economy and have taken the necessary steps to insure I avoid any future financial stress.
D) What the media has been saying has made me very nervous. I have taken all of my money out of the bank and stashed it under the mattress. Here comes the next great depression!

Scoring Key:

Q1: A.4 B.3 C.2 D.1

Q2: A.1 B.2 C.3 D.4

Q3: A.4 B.3 C.1

Q4: A.4 B.3 C.2 D.1

Q5: A.1 B.2 C.3 D.4

Q6: A.1 B.2 C.3 D.4

Q7: A.4 B.3 C.2 D.1

Q8: A.1 B.2 C.4 D.1

Scoring Guide:

8-16: You are in a deep world of hurt and may know this, or may have just ignored it for too long. Take a serious look at your current financial standing and take action. Make a plan to take control over your own financial well being or consult a professional who can help guide you through the economic turmoil.

17-25: You are doing better than those that are really hurting out there. You are financially stable but if you or your partner were to lose your job for a few months it would really hurt. You are trying your best to save but it always seems like a struggle just to have enough in order to enjoy the money you work for every now and then.

26-32: You are recession proof. A financial all-star. Kudos. Somewhere along the way either you figured it out or someone who has lived through hard times before pointed you in the right direction. You have very little to worry about financially, and even if there is an issue that arises you've got enough padding for a very soft landing.

Author's note: Personally I scored a 22. Which puts me in the middle to upper range in the 2nd category. I am alright with being there - but obviously it can be better and I will continue to push to get to "recession proof" status. Good luck to all of us over the next few years as we navigate these rough economic waters. And by luck I mean when excellent recession preparedness meets the possible coming recession.

30 days

I can't believe it.

Really I've been counting down since 45 days, but who does that?

I do.

But, it would seem kind of weird to post 45 days out (although I did want to).

We had some friends visit us from Seattle - they actually had come to visit us about a week before we left for Charleston too.

And it's so weird to think, that just 5 months ago I was sitting in my living room thinking about what Charleston would be like. What it would be like to drive across the country and pack up most of our stuff and have it shipped 3,000 miles. What the weather would be like and whether or not I'd feel comfortable out here.

And now, with 30 days left, I don't want to leave. And sadly, everyday I feel like I do this place a little injustice by doing the same things I've done the past 5 months. Work Monday through Friday, 9:30 am to 6 pm. Take the dog out on long walks in the morning and the afternoon. Enjoy great food at restaurants we've never eaten at - and possibly may never eat at again. It's like graduating all over again. You do everything in your power to hold on to that last little bit of time - you write out your memories hoping to relive them through your words and take pictures to remind yourself what it looked like - but the whole time you're trying to hold on, to create more memories, it just goes that much faster. I honestly think I might cry when I leave this place - having to return home after seeing what a beautiful part of this country has to offer.

I've already talked to the wife about coming out here maybe 5 or 10 years from now for vacation. To see what's changed. What's different. Or what's still the same. But just like 6 months ago how I couldn't imagine what October would look like - here I sit not being able to imagine what 5 years from now will look like.

So, I'm a little depressed. But it's that sad type of smile that's on my face - to know that I was lucky to have the financial freedom to take a trip like this. And looking back on the last 5 months - everything was better than I ever expected it to be. Once again the beauty of being a pessimist (but leaning towards more of a realist).

Here I am. Continuing to count down. Times like these I wonder why I had ever wanted time to move faster. I could hear nothing better right now than we were staying for maybe another 2-3 months. But I know I'd just be fooling myself. Like the high school senior couple that's breaking up because one of them is going to college out of state. That one extra kiss will just make it that much more painful to go.

29 days starting tomorrow.

And then it's on the road again and back to a familiar gray.

This month is definitely going to be hard on me.

Millionaire Daydreaming (Part 2)

So making the money is maybe half the fun.

The other half is deciding how to use it.

When you hear about people winning the lotto or a large sum of money, you usually hear about the things they buy immediately afterward.

I have also heard of the depression or suicide that may even come after a large windfall like that. This usually results from poor money management. Those who didn't know what to do with their money before they won the lotto usually aren't going to know what to do with the money after they win.

But they mostly do what they would think people who had just won the lotto do: Spend. Keep spending. New million dollar-plus house in a nice neighborhood chalked full of all the most expensive furniture, cookware, electronics. New cars. A boat maybe. Jewelry. Brand new wardrobe.

And by the time they look up, they've got all the best stuff, but now most of the money is gone - and maybe the emptiness inside arises from them not feeling like they deserved any of this. And of course they've quit their jobs because what was the point in making a mere fraction of what they had just won?

Well, this would never happen to me.

Mainly because I don't buy lotto tickets. But assuming I had made that ridiculous overnight win of over $1.4 million in a Goldman Sachs option, here's what I would do:

-Wake up the next morning and check my "Total equity" statement. Check my "Day trader buying power" which allows me a 4:1 ability on the funds in the account. Be amazed by both of the numbers.

-Immediately withdraw $1.2 million of it leaving the account with $250K to trade with. The ideal amount I've always wanted. Enough to keep my standard of living currently for a few years without going broke (in the market).

-Of that $1.2 million I would take $400K of it and put it in a 6 month CD yielding 4%. I would do this for tax purposes. By putting the money in a CD it would guarantee that I didn't touch that money until at least March of 2009, when I could take it out and make sure it went to the IRS. Thanks a lot for almost nothing in return by the way.

-The next thing I would do is handle my loans. We currently hold 4 loans in order of size: Our main 30 year fixed mortgage on our primary residence. A 5/1 ARM on our rental property. Our HELOC. And finally our car loan.

-Of the $800K I would take $100K to pay off our HELOC. This would allow me to refinance our primary residence mortgage. I would take another $150K to apply to our 30 year fixed mortgage and refinance it to a 15 year fixed. This would provide us not only with a lower monthly payment on our house, but it would also insure that with at least one of us working that we could afford the mortgage. We could also get the mortgage paid off sooner with a shorter loan time frame. I understand that paying down your mortgage isn't the smartest thing to do with your money, but given the times we're in right now I want to be safe.

-I would take another $50K and apply it toward our rental property's mortgage. I would also refinance that property in to a 15 year fixed loan. This would make for a much smaller monthly mortgage payment than we are paying now. We could then drop the rent on any future renters (or even our current ones assuming they stay after their year lease is up) and as long as we kept tenants we could make a nice profit over the next 15 years - even assuming we didn't sell at the end of 15 years.

Still keeping up? We're down to $500K now. Money goes fast when you're spending it.

-I'd take care of the cars. My dad always talks about getting his BMW 540. Well the 540 is no more, but we can get him a brand new 535. Out the door we're looking at around $65K full loaded. I imagine driving it home to him one day, red bow on top and all. Personally I've always dreamed of driving an Audi S4. It has been my dream car for the past 8 years. But then again I've never test driven one before - don't want to tempt myself because I can afford one - I just couldn't afford any gas for it or the insurance. But now that I've got cash available, why not? Out the door I'm looking at another $55K.

-Since I got the car, and the wife already had a nice car previously, we're going to keep her car. But of course we're going to have to spend a good chunk on her too. Only fair right? I'd allot up to $50K to her, but I'm sure she'd even have a hard time spending it. Or maybe not. You never know until you put someone in that sort of situation. I'm sure she'd get all the upgrades she wanted on the house. That is if I was able to talk her in to not getting a new house entirely. Notice how I was happy paying off the house we currently own? And not taking $300K of this money and putting it down on a million dollar home near the water? Yeah, that would be her blog post of how to spend a million dollars...not mine. Anyway, I'm sure she'd get the hard woods in most of the house (which is mostly carpet), upgrade the kitchen (our microwave sucks) and probably find more furniture. Also, she'd be free to spend at all the designer places that charge way too much for everything - without any guilt. Don't even get me started on the possibility of jewelry...

-Of course I can't forget my mom(s). Plural now. We'd have to find something nice for both of our sets of parents. They're all pretty frugal so I'm assuming they'd be happy with spending about $25K for each of the sets of parents. We could probably do a nice big family cruise with all of us.

-Split up another $100K to siblings. $50K to my sister and $25K each to the wife's brothers. I'd like to see the money spent properly though. Almost like mine - sure take a little off the top for a little fun, but save or invest the rest.

$180K to go now. We're almost there...all of this spending is getting tiring. But I definitely would not mind having to make these decisions.

-I would of course throw a huge party for all of my friends. Take them all out. But I don't have hundreds of friends. So at the most I think we could ever spend for a ridiculous party would be maybe $5-$10K. What I really want to do for them though is I want them to share the same love for money making that I had. I want them to hit it big like I had. Or at the least give it a shot. So for 4 of my friends - whoever wanted to, I would give them the ability to trade my money. I'd dole out $30K to 4 different people. Allow them to lose 20% ($6K) on me - which would drop them under the day trading requirement amount anyway. Once (if) they lost that $6K they could give the money back to me, no hard feelings. Anything they made though would be there's to keep, but once they had doubled their money, I'd like my initial start up capital back. If they never doubled it, no big deal. Just having them trading with me would be a lot of fun - having the ability to bounce ideas off one another, making a mini-competition of it, hopefully all becoming wealthy together. That is another place where lotto winners go wrong. They give out the money to friends and just like the lotto winners, those friends blow that money and come back looking for more. I want my friends to make money off of the money that I give to them.

-With the last portion of the money I would max out a 529 account for none other than myself. In the near future I'll be getting my MBA, and of course that's going to cost a good chunk of money. Why get my MBA when I had made so much money? Almost a million and a half dollars is a nice chunk of change for a guy in his mid-20s, but it's definitely not enough to retire comfortably for the rest of my life (obviously given what I would do with the money). In fact, although I might call in sick for a couple days after making that trade to celebrate, I'd still willingly go back in to work afterward. Nope, unfortunately to retire comfortably right now I'd need $5 million. It's never enough is it? Well maybe someday it will be.

After reading through this you might be thinking that I didn't do anything fun with the money. You're exactly right. That's where previous big money winners in the past have gone wrong.

But if I were to do something completely different I'd consider starting my own hedge fund and be open to accepting OPM (Other People's Money). Or I could launch a set of Five Guys franchises in Washington. I could go out and pick up 3 or 4 foreclosed homes on the cheap and hopefully sell them in 5-10 years. There's obviously so many things I could do, but I like to live like my parents - allergic to payments, intolerable of debt.

At the least though, it's nice to dream.

Millionaire Daydreaming (Part 1)

A lot of people say, "If I just won the lotto - it'd be so nice".

And they like to daydream about what they would do with all the money they won.

How they'd quit their job, buy their dream car - the works.

I have the same dreams, but unlike the lotto ticket winners I see the big money in the market. Every once in a while I'll see trades where I say to myself, "Wow, if I had put in a few thousand dollars in to this trade I would've made a lot of money." Of course that is all backwards looking - which is the beauty of it all. It keeps me daydreaming.

Recently I saw one of the largest pops I've ever seen from a trade. But I'm going to be as realistic about it as possible. In my wildest dreams the amount of money I could have made from this trade is roughly $4.4 million before taxes.

But I've only caught the bottom and top in a trade a few times. And never at that magnitude.

I was having problems posting to the blog and since this is something easy for me to write I decided to go with it.

Last week was one of the most volatile weeks I've seen in the market since I've been following it. Financials were getting crushed. Goldman Sachs (the company that this trade is on) had fallen from an average price around $140 a share to around $100. On Wednesday, September 16th I mentioned to my friends that I couldn't believe that GS had fallen below $100. It was a great buy then. I don't know what the options movement would've done but someone could've made a quick chunk of cash as GS closed easily above $100 on that day.

Thursday was worse. Down, down, down it went.

The low it hit on Wednesday was $97. So I would've gotten in around $95 on the $100 call option. I usually wait until a stock breaks below a previous low to jump in. I think a lot of people do this - they wait to see an imaginary support line broken before they make their move. And I would have, putting in about $2500 in to the $100 call option at $1.25. 20 contracts.

And yet the stock continued to slide. Over the next 50 minutes GS went from $100 to $86. My option went from $1.25 to a low of $.40. The way I buy options though is I like to average in when I'm losing. And I average in by doubling my positions at lower costs. For some reason I like to double my option postion after I've lost 20% on it. The option would've blown through my $1.00 limit order and left me cringing down $500 on the trade and 40 contracts deep.

And once I get that deep I like to reach for whole numbers in contract size. Chalk it up to my OCD. I know it's weird but it just looks better to me. The contract then moved through my "half point" at $.70 and I'd pick up 60 more contracts now to give me a whole number of contracts at 100 and down $1700 on the trade. At a contract price this small I sometimes continue to double because it's not much further from $.70 to $0.00.

So throw on another double of my contracts to bring the total to 200 at $.55 and then another 200 contracts when I can't believe my bid gets hit at $.45 and the bids go as low as $.40. At this point I cannot believe I am in this deep. I am sweating in my chair not focusing on anything else other than the tick movements on the stock, miniscule moves of $.13 up and down and whispering profanities under my breath. I just sent the wife an email telling her that I am losing my ass and I am looking for guidance.

The world has gone numb to me and everything just is just a bit more muted. I am now in to the $100 GS call GSIT for 400 contracts at an average price of $.72 a share. In the option now for a total of $28,700 and down $8,800 on the trade. I've got my finger on the sell trigger ready to get rid of 100 contracts at $.35. Just hid that bid and I'll get out.

And suddenly everything starts to turn.

Goldman starts to lunge upwards...Suddenly we've blown through $90...then $94...$96...oh it seems to be cresting a bit.

I've hit the "positions" button to check my option again. In a span of 20 minutes the option's tripled from $.40 to almost my original buying price of $1.20. Wow. I'm up almost $20K on my 400 options. Got to get out...have to reduce exposure. But I'll wait. I'll wait for at least a double before I let some go.

I check back to my watch list and GS is at $98.

I can't believe this. I rode it all the way in to the bottom and stuck it out. I want out of 50 contracts. Maybe 100. Maybe I'll wait until I'm in the money. Yes, I'll do that. Get me out of 50 contracts when I'm in the money.

And there it went. It moved so quickly upwards that I ended up selling 50 contracts at the market for $2.65 a contract when GS flew through $100 up to $101.38. Sold for a profit of

There I was. Shocked at what I was doing. Just locked in profits of $9600 before taxes and still had another 350 contracts profiting me another $65K.

And yet the stock continued to rise. $105...

And closed at $108.

The option closed at $8.90. I had 350 contracts that had gone from being worth $25,200 to now being worth $311,500. I couldn't sell. I didn't know what to do with myself going in to the close. It moved so quickly from $30K to $100K that I was stunned. I kept hitting the preview order button and the option wasn't keeping up with the underlying price...the ask kept going higher.

I couldn't focus on work. I wanted to run and scream about what I had done. The dog didn't understand so I had to wait until the wife got home so I could show her. I told her I had a surprise for her and she didn't understand when I was pulling out the laptop and signing in to Zecco. I couldn't even mask my excitement.

So we went out for dinner. We dressed up and went to the nicest Seafood place in town - Hank's. Or at least that's what we had been told. We both got market priced dishes and felt pretty ridiculous knowing that on paper I had just made $300K dollars. Enough to live off for a long time. We didn't talk about anything else but that and when I got home on a full stomach and almost a full bottle of wine I still couldn't sleep.

Of course, given the weeks movements in the market I was definitely worried about what was going to happen Friday morning. But at the least I knew I could pull out of this making at least $80K. I hoped.

I finally got to bed around 1:30 AM that night, but I still tossed and turned. I don't remember what time I ended up falling asleep but I remember thinking I'd like to pull out all the money in one dollar bills just to feel that enormity of cash in my hands. It seems silly, but for a kid who's never seen that much money before - you've got to understand.

The next morning the first thing I did was to turn the TV on to CNBC like I normally did. The wife ended up working from home since we had a late night the night before - and she wanted to see what happened with the money this morning too.

I screamed.

"Honey!"

"What?"

"You're not going to believe this."

"Oh jeez...what?"

I dropped the remote. My jaw dropped with it.

On CNBC they had announced that this morning the SEC had come out and announced a ban on short selling of almost 800 different securities. A majority of them financial. And one of them was mine. I watched GS scroll by on the ticker at the bottom of the screen. GS 300@$139.40 +31.40.

Someone just short covered my stock up to almost $140. I could not believe it. An overnight move of more than 30%. How did what happened yesterday get that much better? How is this possible?

I signed in to Zecco to make sure I still had the 350 contracts and it wasn't some mistake or I hadn't sold all of the contracts with the first 50. No. They were still there...and still worth $311K. Seeing that much green next to the +1236.11% number made my cheeks hurt from smiling so much.

And still the opening bell was 2 and a half hours away. The market was going wild, up over 400 points and it seemed like shorts couldn't cover fast enough.

"Want to go out for breakfast?" I asked my wife. So we ended up as one of the first couples to arrive at one of our favorite breakfast spots - Seabiscuit, a small family run place about a quarter mile from the atlantic.

After an excellent breakfast we went to walk on the beach because I still had time before work - and before the market opened. We didn't say much. Just held hands and walked through the waves that washed up on the beach.

On the way home we talked about what we would do (more on this in part 2). As soon as we arrived I was signing in to Zecco - about 20 minutes early. And I watched as all the financials were popping. Everything across the board that had been beaten down were now part of a short covering rally. Overnight from trough to peak GS had moved over 60% and my option was going to move at least another 4000%.

In the background the TV was blaring CNBC. Every day I have it on - mainly just for the noise - but this time around I had the volume turned up - making sure to catch the opening bell. Then I heard the countdown...and the bell rung.

Usually options take 3-5 minutes to get trading. Sometimes after big news the option markets open up immediately. Given what had happened overnight as soon as that bell rang and I hit the "positions" button my option changed. I had a plan for selling. I wanted to get most out right away. GS had opened up at $142 so I knew my option had to be worth at least $40. I typed in my limit order to sell 200 contracts at $40, I placed the order and it immediately filled at $43.50. An overnight profit of over $850K on those 200 contracts.

150 contracts left and I knew I wanted to get out at a lowest $35. I watched GS top near $145 and immediately start coming down. The rush of people wanting to get out at that price was huge. And suddenly we broke $140. And that's when I knew I had to get more out. I hit a market order for another 100 contracts. Executed at $39. A profit of over $380K on those 100 contracts.

Already GS had fallen off it's highs and continued to tumble. We were through the major move in GS for the morning. It was 10 AM and I was sitting there thinking about what my purchasing power would look like tomorrow morning. Over 2 million dollars in buying power would look ridiculous to me. I kept saying that to myself again and again to hopefully make this try and sink in. Not that I needed to. I'm sure as soon as the euphoria wore off the reality of having made that much money would sink in.

I sat back, and set a stop limit (which I hate because they only work for me about 30% of the time) at $35 for my last 50 contracts. Then I immediately canceled it when the option easily "jumped" my price down to $34. Get out get out get out I was saying in my head as I was typing in the option name and hitting preview order for a market order...crap, $33.50 now bid..."send order" - executed at $33.20.

And that was it. It was all gone. I no longer had any dollar signs or green percentages on my screen. Just a blank slate staring back at me almost mocking me in a way that said, "Nothing really just happened here."

But it did.

I started the morning making a little over $9,500 from the night before on my sale of 50 contracts.

For the rest of the 350 I sold for profits of $850K on 200 contracts, $380K on the next 100 and on my last 50 contracts a profit of $160K. All in total a smidgen over $1.4 million dollars. Overnight I had become a millionaire.

I wondered to myself if many of the "successful" traders had gotten their start this way. How many of them had had one HUGE day and then had the confidence to just trade with that money from there on.

I had so many plans...so many things I wanted to do with the new found windfall. I'll be sure to map them all out for you in Part 2.

(Author's note: This post was not proofread. Therefore, if I've switched tenses or points of view or made any sort of error, I apologize.)

No posts for September

I've got the posts lined up.

I promise I'll put them up - there will be at least 3 for September. Blogger gives us the ability now to post in to any time we'd like to so people with a minor case of OCD like myself can have their posts spread properly throughout time.

And this will kind of be a throw away post.

But I wanted to mention something that's always bothered me about this blog.

Around 6th grade or so I started to keep journals. I wanted to let my thoughts out - because I had a lot of them. I don't think I thought more things than the average kid did - It just felt better to have them down on paper.

And they're still sitting in a drawer somewhere in my parent's house. Waiting to be read again. I picked up one from junior high a couple years ago and remember the girls I wrote about and all those awkward moments in the hallways. I wrote in those journals up until I started this blog. Every night I tried to write at least a page. Handwritten. And unlike this blog, I typically had something to fill that page with. And it was because I was free.

The whole "self-censored" aspect of this blog was kind of a dig against online public blogging. Specifically blogging about your own life, or things that you experience. Because no matter how private I made this blog someone out there had the chance of reading what I wrote. Heck, I even removed my last name from the posts because I didn't like the idea of my blog posts appearing when doing Google searches for my name. I even dropped the wife's name and only refer to her as "wife" now in my later posts. If people knew about me or were close to me they can definitely feel free to read my blog (I would hope everyone feels this way). I partially write to keep them up to date with my life or provide them some reading material. But even for them I censor what I write. I have never been 100% open with the words I put on here.

And that is bothersome.

Because there are those deep, dark thoughts that I think all of us have. And the last time I let any of those out was with a pen on a college ruled 3 hole punched piece of paper. In a way it's kind of sad - but it has to be done in order to keep just that - order.

And if you're reading this and thinking that I've got some big secret to hide, I don't. It's just the stupid thoughts that we all have about anything, that if we ever said out loud (as I tend to do more so than others IMO) we would be looked down upon. Or judged. Vehemently disagreed with or even shunned. Or maybe you don't think like I do. How can I know? I'm not in your head.

It's just like any normal conversation we have. Do you say any thought that pops in your head to the person or people you are speaking with? No. You filter out your thoughts and (hopefully) find the most appropriate things to say to keep your environment in that safe zone and as sanitary as possible. That quiet ignorance of other's true thoughts and feelings that we all enjoy.

So this is the post where I want to be able to write anything. But I don't. And so it goes in all my posts on this blog.

Maybe this should've been post #1? I think I touched on it a little bit in that post too.

This post has got me thinking now though (shocking and/or ironic) about what life would be like if we played with our cards facing up. What would happen if everyone knew exactly what other people were thinking at any time. How would our relationships change? How would the world change?

I'll end with this: For those that are reading this, take some time to think about how much censorship you are placing on yourself and what your motives are for doing so. Seems like the perfect mind fuck to me.

Short Story

I didn't want to go to sleep yet. It is too early.

Plus my allergies are acting up so I'm going to stay awake until I feel like I've got them under control.

Besides, if I go to bed now, assuming my normal 7 hours of sleep I would be waking up at 6 am tomorrow. And I don't want to wake up at 6 am. I want to wake up at at least 7:30 am at the earliest. But I know that won't happen. I'll probably be up at 7 am. Ah well, what's another 30 minutes?

And I am going to post this in August. Because I didn't get a chance to write my 4th post in August because of the vacation I took.

So here goes my imagination...

Murphy stood there, hands grimy from all the oil and car parts he had been working with all day. On his hips, they smudged off a bit of the crap on to his uniform. Looking across the garage and out in to the world he could see the storm front rolling in. And when he looked up again it was like God had tipped over the bucket and was trying to create another river where his business stood...or maybe an ocean.

Damn this hurricane season he thought to himself as he shook his head in disgust.

The storms down here in Georgia had been frequent, but luckily not as strong as they had seen a few years ago. In a way he kind of enjoyed the fact that a few more storms and hurricanes would be rolling in over the next 2 weeks because he knew what it meant for his business. Plenty of flooded engines. Damaged cars from falling trees, hail storms and just plain old bad weather driving.

22 years ago he had taken over the business from his father - rest his soul - after he had come down with lung cancer. And even to this day Murphy was still trying to break the habit himself.

Guess it's time for a smoke break.

Looking behind him standing under the section of the porch that somehow didn't get wet in even the craziest sideways rain he smiled and thought about how this business had grown from just helping out a few friends and neighbors with their vehicles to now the largest and most reputable car service company in town. They did everything from oil changes and tire rotations to full on body work and engine repair. He understood he was a big fish in a little pond, but he liked it that way. People knew and respected him in town and he wouldn't have had it any other way.

"Hey Murph!" shouted a voice from behind him.

"Yeah?"

"Hey bud, think I'm gonna be headin' out of here before the road washes out." Jim said to Murphy as he pulled on his coat and patted him on the back. "Don't you think you should get goin' yourself?"

"Yeah, just wanted to see if this wall of water was going to break any time soon..." his voice trailed off as the drops beat down harder on the pavement almost in mocking fashion of what Murphy had just said.

"Alright buddy, I'll see you maybe tomorrow then?"

"For sure. Oh and don't bother coming in if it's like this tomorrow too. I'm sure we'll have plenty to do when this weather clears up."

"Can't wait." Jim said chuckling, knowing full well if he wasn't going to come in tomorrow there was going to be some overtime to make up for it.

Author's note: I can't decide how I want to end this short story. I can end it like it is...almost as if it's just an open ended story. Normal end of work conversation.

I was thinking I could end it like this:

Alternate ending: Little did Jim know that those were the last words he would ever say to Murphy.

Author's note: But I think that was a little bit harsh - plus I think even I would want to know what had happened to Murphy in that storm on the way home. And really, I'm not a big fan of trying to come up with something that seems normal yet interesting enough. And the story could really go from a short one to a medium one given that I continued writing. So to prevent that I'll leave it open ended.

A Mediocre Life

...Is not one that I want to live.

And yet I can't help but feel that I've fell in to that comfortable - somewhat mediocre life.

Yes, I suppose I could make the argument that I've got a very good life. I'm healthy, I have a lot of fun and I don't have any other major issues in my life.

But what's been bothering me the past week are a few things.

I recently read a questionnaire given to hundreds of elderly people in retirement homes.

And they continued to see the same recurring theme in each of the answers. It wasn't that people regretted anything in their lives...but that they regretted not doing more. Not doing what they always wanted to with their lives. Not following their dreams.

So I've been questioning myself over the past week (like I've been known to do). Am I pursuing my dreams? Am I doing everything possible in my life to make it my best life possible?

I am uneasy about the response. But that stems from the fact that I'm not sure what my dreams are.

I have the early retirement goal. Which is definitely an ambitious goal and I feel that I am doing my best to complete it.

But other than that? What do I see as my "dream life"? Anything that I would want to do for the rest of my life, even given the assumption that I could anything I wanted to - somehow ends up down the road of mediocrity. I am definitely a creature of routine. Routine is my comfort though. I seek it out. And really the day in, day out is something that actually is part of my dream life - I just haven't realized it yet.

I think about the people I know and love. I can only think of maybe 1 or 2 people who are "living their dream". But it's not even really that. It's more that they had a career goal growing up or going through college, and they've seen the career through to fruition. Are they really enjoying their life that much more than me? That's arguable.

So that's where I sit right now. The question might be too large for me right now. But it might be a question for everyone reading this right now. What are your dreams? If you could have any life right now what would it look like? I am unsure about mine - and I am not sure if I will ever be sure.

The Moosey Star

Thump Thump Thump Thump Thump Thump

BOOM

Thump Thump Thump Thump Thump Thump

BOOM CRASH

This is the sound that I hear throughout the day. Sometimes well in to the early morning.

This is the sound of the Moosey Star.

Moosey Star: Noun. A tall woman with big bones, typically overweight. See Belgian Womens Volleyball Player.

The Moosey Star is amazing. I am not sure if she works at all. I am sure that she is insane. I forgot what it was like to live in a multiple unit building. It sucks. She lives right above my office our bedroom and our main bathroom.

The Moosey Star likes to pace around her house. I think she has wood floors and wears steel heeled boots. Yes. On the heel. To ruin her wood floors.

She likes to "pace" back and forth. And by "pace" I actually mean march around her house, waking me up at 2 in the morning and annoying me throughout my work day.

If there is ONE thing that I hate about living out here, it is her.

I have a few theories about what she is doing though.

-She has a very strict work out/cardio regimen which requires her to work out every 4 hours, even if that means waking up at 2 in the morning and bouncing around.

-She has a lot of cockroaches in her house that she enjoys stomping on.

-She is like Adam Sandler in the movie "Reign Over Me" constantly redoing one of the rooms in her house. Because there are times where I hear her thumps followed by a large CRASH almost as if she had dropped a large table.

-She has OCD and cannot do anything properly without taking the same steps throughout her house over and over.

-She is terrible at jump roping and is not getting better. She falls every time after 5 or 6 jumps. But one day she'll make it to 10 in a row. She'll show all those kids in school that made fun of her.

-She has a mild form of dementia where she is always looking for something and thinking she left it in the other room. Only to turn back around to think she left it in the room she just left. Frustrated, she bangs her feet in to the ground each step she takes.

-She had her feet cut off in a freak roller coaster accident (or maybe while she was a prisoner of war?) and has to move around on stumps. The sheer weight of her 250 pound body pressing down on such a small surface area creates the BOOM noise every time she steps.

-She is trying to memorize all the steps from "Stomp the Yard". Her favorite movie of all time.

-She is part of a Native American tribe and is constantly practicing. But that I have actually heard before (amazingly on a floor above me) and it sounds nothing like this.

-She likes to annoy us.

So on nights like tonight where she has been stomping around for the past 2 hours (and I'm sure will be going on well in to the night) I've decided to take it upon myself to give her a little wake up call from below the next morning.

It gives me a little satisfaction. In my passive aggressive ways...

When I hear that she is up at 2 and 3 in the morning, I make sure to wake up with the Wife at 6 AM and blast the TV. And when the TV is too loud for me I turn on the music. And I let it run for a few hours. I take the dog for a walk for about half the time the music is blaring and the rest of the time I'm downstairs (and like MY MUSIC LOUD) so I don't mind it so much. Sometimes I let my phone alarm just ring...and ring...and ring...because it is the loudest and most annoying sound on my phone, and doesn't stop until I turn it off.

I've heard her stomping around...more forcefully than usual when I've got my volume up. And in my own little twisted way, it gives me satisfaction. I hear her sometimes during the day, sometimes in the middle of the night. I've begun to think that she doesn't work...nor does she ever leave the house. A normal person does not move around their house that much. I would say in a 30 minute period she will move back and forth across her house about 50 times. Yes. It is that bad. What person does that? Who doesn't sit down and take a load off? You're supposed to relax when you're at home...Or at least that's what I do...

This Moosey Star is definitely a head case. Some days and nights are worse than others (isn't that what they say about people with mental illness?). If she was at her worst every day? I'd probably be up there banging around with her and lose my mind as well.

Love thy neighbors? How about making each of us as miserable as possible?

Tomorrow is going to be another Rage Against the Machine morning for me it sounds like...I wonder if she likes it? I shudder at the thought...

"Largest Up Move in 4 Months Time"

Warning: This post will be about the market.

If you find that boring, or don't want to read about it, or have no idea about some of the things I'm talking about then I'd recommend going for a run. I heard the weather's supposed to be nice wherever you are.

Today the Dow was up over 330 points, the S&P was up almost 30 points. Almost all of the US indices rallied 3%. It was a huge day.

And I did nothing but lose money. Almost $2K to be exact.

Now that doesn't seem like much, and I've definitely had a lot bigger losing days in the past, but it's capped off a pretty bad week for me where I've lost a nice chunk of change swinging from profitability this year to negativity.

And the emotion from losing can snowball sometimes. Especially because after the market closed I imagined my dad calling me about it (because he knows I follow the market pretty closely). My mom actually did end up calling this afternoon, but she didn't mention anything about the market.

Here was my imaginary phone conversation with my dad:

Dad: Hey boy!

Me: Sup

Dad: You see that market today?

Me: Yeah

Dad: Well? Did you make any money?

Me: No, I actually lost $2K

Dad: What? How?

Me: You wouldn't understand...

Dad: Ayyyeee...well you'll get it back

Me: I hope so


The shift was slow in coming. And I'm not really sure if the "shift" has completely taken place yet. It was the rotation out of commodities and back in to other things. Tech. Financials. Retail. Anything that had been beaten down with the rest of the market. And it was time to beat up the things that hadn't. So while the market was rallying my favorite stock of the past 6 months - Potash - was falling off a cliff once again after a big down move yesterday.

And there I was, catching the falling knife the entire time. Just 2 weeks ago, and for months before that, I was catching the falling knife on it, never knowing if it would break it's trend line. Luckily for me it never did. But as I sit here right now, the thing is broken. I had to get out. I had to take what I could.

Tomorrow I'm going to start over and try my best to rebuild. I've faced a similar situation to this a couple months ago. And I rebuilt it all only to see it disappear again.

So writing this out is almost acting like a bit of therapy for me. Stan from SB used to tell me that there are opportunities everyday. It's just a matter of finding them. And I also have to remember that it's a marathon. Not a sprint.

I just want to be rich yesterday. I want to have cash to burn because I've never been in that situation before. And I know that investing my money is one way to get to that point.

So I'm going to keep my head up, look back on this week as the point where I completely missed the sector rotation and got burned for it, and hopefully be more aware in the future so I can catch the next wave.

Back to work tomorrow.

The Awesomeness That Is My Life

As I was sitting there scraping off the fried coconut/batter that made up over half of what were microwave reheated coconut shrimps I was thinking to myself about how awesome my life was.

There I was, 10 minutes ago, 11:30 pm on a Tuesday night sitting at a dinner table alone in the middle of a retirement community in the middle of Florida...eating leftover red lobster. Leftovers that weren't even mine to begin with. I only like coconut shrimp when I can barely taste the coconut. So most of the coconut shrimps? I don't like too much. This was one of those cases.

I was thinking to myself how I must be a disgrace to those that came before me because I'm sure they loved coconut. My parents love it. I'm not a huge fan of the taste. Just like watermelon. People think I'm crazy not to like watermelon. Well I think some people are crazy for not liking to eat meat with the bone still in it.

We're down here to help support my last surviving grandma. Well, she is a grandma by law to me, but still I consider her family.

Her husband passed away on Thursday morning. Which was a bit of a blow to me because we had just seen him the Sunday before.

And I was kicking myself after hearing that news.

The guy had seen a lot. And due to cancer in the past he had to eat through a tube and that made it hard for him to talk. I'm sure he would've loved to share a lot of his knowledge with me. From what I had heard from the rest of the family, he was a great investor, and to this day even after his death he still has money outperforming the market. I wanted to pick his brain for a good 30 minutes at least on what he thought of what was going on. And now I'll never get the chance to.

So if you think I was being facetious regarding the whole coconut shrimp bit, I wasn't. Life could always be worse. Or life can be over before you know or expect it.

Sometimes I step outside of myself - this may sound odd - but I almost look at it if I was being taped as part of a reality show.

-Here's Seth reading his book in bed...

*stomach rumbling*

"I'm starving. This is what happens when I eat dinner at 5 pm."

*Seth stumbles through the dark looking for the light switch in a house where he is not familiar with the placement of furniture and more importantly light switches. He touches a glass framed painting and has a moment of panic when he realizes that the painting could fall to the floor busting the glass in to shards and cutting up his feet. He brings it a step further and imagines his wife and her grandma in the local emergency room, looking over him and sighing as a doctor is stitching up his foot. They are surrounded by other senior citizens suffering from similar ailments. What a clumsy bunch. Finally he finds a light switch...woops wrong light...and finally...*

So the grandma has a thing with leftovers. You could say that about me too. I love leftovers. I will eat things up to about a week and couple days later. And I'll still think they're good. Something about leftovers hopefully reminds you of when you were first eating it. Or maybe not.

Well, "grammie" as they call her is the exact opposite. She would rather chuck it down the disposal than box it up and put it in the fridge. I think since we've been down here on Sunday, it's been the first time she's had leftovers in the fridge. How can that be possible you might ask? Lots of sandwiches.

So the wife tells me to "eat those shrimp so that grammie can stop complaining about them tomorrow". Hunger + food available = no more hunger.

Luckily for me there was also a baked potato from the red lobster meal that could serve as my carb. Unluckily for me while I was microwaving the whole bit the shrimp started popping and I had to shut the whole thing down. And what did that mean? Cold ass potato. So the whole time I'm struggling with trying to cut the coconut breading off of this shrimp the dog comes out, nose in the air, wondering what the eff I'm doing up at this time...but I'm eating so she's interested.

Unfortunately I couldn't even pawn off the cold potato on her either.

And yes, I was too lazy to put it back in the microwave. 'Tever, I wasn't that hungry after trying to throw down a few shrimp (with ketchup nonetheless!) anyway. Hah - and the best part of this post? The whole reason I am writing it is because I have this whole deal about eating and then going straight to bed. I feel like food won't digest as well (and I have read things about eating before going to bed - and how we shouldn't) since I'm in a horizontal position. So I stay up for at least 30 minutes after eating (just like how I don't go swimming for 30 minutes after eating) to make sure everything is OK before hitting the sack. That is unless I'm wasted. And if that's the case sometimes I'll catch myself sleeping on the toilet.

And that is why my life is awesome. I find this almost inexplicable joy in thinking about my thoughts or thinking about how ridiculous I would seem doing things that feel normal to me. Yes. All this from a plate of leftovers.

Summer Breeze

Makes me feel fine...

When it's summer in Seattle you know it.

Down here in Charleston you can't really tell. Or at least I can't because I haven't seen the winters down here. Almost every day I've been down here it's been in the mid 80s to as high as 100 degrees. I can count the number of overcast days (not even raining all day like it does in Seattle) here in Charleston on 1 hand.

And you know, honestly I was afraid that being in the sun every day (like some parts of this country) would be oppressive. Especially with the humidity down here. I thought it would get old after a month after seeing how I felt about Vegas on day 4 of a "vacation". But it hasn't been bad at all although I think it would a lot worse if we were further inland.

The reason I'm writing it this post is because this afternoon was the first time I looked around me and really felt "summer".

One of my defining moments of each summer - and I understand it might seem silly to others - is getting that moment when the sun is about halfway down, around 6:30 or 7 pm...it's in the upper 70s to lower 80s and I'm driving with my windows down, sunglasses on and music up. Given gas prices these days it's rare that I feel like I could just drive with no destination. Regardless I took my time coming home from running an errand this afternoon.

I'm sure I could've felt this way earlier when I was here. But since I work from home and everything we need is in walking distance on this island, there hasn't been any reason for me to really drive anywhere. One of the most amazing things about working from home is that I haven't filled up my gas tank in my car since...dramatic pause...April. Yes - it's true. It'll be 4 months since I've filled up my tank on the 28th of this month. And I've still got about 70 miles left to drive on this current tank before I need to fill up again.

I think I'll strive to only have to fill up twice while in South Carolina. I kind of get confused in regards to oil changes because they say, "Either 3 months or 3,000 miles". But really, do I have to go in to get my oil changed when I've only driven my car about 10 or 15 times (a total of 200 miles!) in the past 4 months? I guess I'll have to research that.

Every Wednesday night the restaurant down the street from us, Brewer's Bistro, has live music. And since the river is about a quarter mile from our front door the breeze off of the water floats the music down to our porch. The amazing thing about the music is that the wind usually blows in gusts. So standing on our front steps you can suddenly hear the music as if it was 30 feet away and then just as quickly as it hit your ears it's just a faint inkling of sound in the distance.

Every week that I've heard the music I'm always surprised. Hopefully after this week I'll remember that they're having live music next week. Every week that I hear the music I take the dog on a peaceful evening stroll with the Jason Mraz/Jack Johnson type music in the background as our soundtrack. The island is so quiet at night that the music can carry really well. Usually they don't start with the music until about 7 pm and they play well on in to the night. I love walking to the Bistro at dusk when the music is playing because everyone is sitting outside enjoying each other's company along with the cool breeze. Women sitting in their sun dresses and men in their button ups...the sun slowly falling beyond the horizon and painting the clouds that dot the sky a dark purple. The flicker from the gas lanterns dances on the glasses of wine and beer. For a moment I find peace.

And I know it sounds cheesy, but tonight I just had to sigh and realize I'd be leaving here probably sooner than I would like to. Which was probably the original intention of this post. I'm already missing being down here and I'm torn because I'd like to stay but at the same time I miss home and my family just as much.

So for now I'll just recognize that I've let this place in - I've let it affect me. And I'll try to take advantage of the rest of the time I've got down here.

Sweet days of summer...

Can't Sleep

I can't ever sleep.

I don't remember the last time I slept for more than 8 hours.

Even this morning, hung over after 6 hours of drinking last night, I woke up, wide awake, still drunk at 6:40 AM. Came downstairs, tried to nurse a headache and a stomach that wanted to rid itself of sickness...

Only to try and go back to sleep 2 hours later, with no luck.

Luckily the hangover wore off around 11 and I've been fine for the rest of the day. And I got an hour long nap around 1 pm and here I sit now. Almost 1 am and I can't sleep. Because of the nap. Or maybe because I didn't work out today? My body should be tired. I've been laughing since about 8:30 tonight.

I've read 3 different blogs before writing in mine. Nick, you seriously need to update yours. Your life is interesting enough to write about right? I think in our own little ways all of our lives are...maybe not bestsellers...but a handful of people would gladly read them. I read Pol's blog through once after our vacation last summer. I went through the whole thing again and about died from laughter from a few things I haven't thought about recently. Especially the whole apple incident at the CVS.

Stat: The top 40 US Taxpayers for 2007 made an average of $214 million.

Sick.

You know what the worst part about not being able to sleep is? Well, scratch that. When I go to sleep I sleep just fine. Only sometimes do I wake up in the middle of the night, wide awake at 3 am. Anyway here are some bad things about going to sleep later than you want to:

-You get less sleep for the next day, which will probably require a nap again thus continuing the terrible sleep pattern...ever spiraling downward and never making a new deposit to the sleep bank...only withdrawals.

-I don't know about everyone else, but I get hungry. Every 3 and a half hours or so. Even today for example. Today's been a pretty long day for me. So far I've been up 19 hours and counting. So divide that up by 4 and you get...yup...4 meals. I have eaten 4 meals today. And I'm starting to crave my 5th. It is hard for me to sleep on an empty stomach. And there's nothing good to eat here or at least nothing that I want to cook because...

-I want to keep quiet because everyone else is sleeping. Sure having your "quiet time" is great and everything, but I get plenty of quiet time going to sleep later than most people and waking up earlier than them too.

-They say get your "beauty rest". I am one ugly mofo. Last summer when I scrunched my eyes together at a bar and asked a couple (who looked like they were about 18) how old they thought I was she said, "34?". We were all shocked because she hit it right on the head. Maybe that's why I don't hang out so much in the party scene anymore? Maybe because people think I'm about 5 or 6 years too old to be out in it?

-Getting comfortable. When you get in bed with someone who is sleeping, it's hard to get comfortable because you're worried about waking them up. So, you toss and turn and try to relax...try to shut off your mind and you try to do so without making too much noise. Rarely does it ever work though.

Really I wrote this post hoping that writing about sleep would make me tired. I read somewhere that reading words related to "sleep" will actually make a person yawn. I've yawned about 4...nope 5 times while writing this. Maybe I am getting tired. But I could definitely go for some waffles and an omelet right now. And here's what I've always wondered...

Why do breakfast places never give you those options? It's either the waffles or the pancakes. Why not both? Or give me the biscuit AND the toast. Or maybe - and this might blow your mind - maybe instead of giving me 2 eggs with my breakfast, how about giving me an omelet? Oh yeah, with all the fixings. And how about a sausage patty and sausage links! All in the same meal? Someone call the crazy house...we've got a new applicant.

Hah! I have to stop writing about food. It is making me energetic and making me fantasize about a 1 AM run to Denny's or IHOP. Damn you power of suggestion.

Firsts

I was sitting here on the couch this evening, after a perfectly timed 4th of July weekend thinking to myself about how many "firsts" I've experienced in only just these past 3 days.

-I celebrated the 4th of July outside of the state of Washington. Thinking back I don't think I've ever done that before. And I walked down to our pier a few blocks down the road and watched 4 different fireworks shows light up the sky over the river. It was amazing.

-I've cooked a lot of steaks in my life and for the first time I felt like the steak that I cooked was perfect. Sometimes it's too bloody, sometimes I burn it too much. But for dinner on the night of the 4th? Just right. Throw in a couple beers, corn on the cob, salad, baked beans and rice and you've got one hell of a meal.

-For the first time I drank beer from Brazil. I believe it was called "Xungi". It was excellent.

-I met a guy named "Rhett" for the first time. Perfectly Southern.

-I had shrimp and grits. For breakfast. It was spicy. I had tried grits down here previously, but I felt that with the spicy gravy on the shrimp it was a perfect complement for them. I now understand what the big draw behind the shrimp and grits is.

-I played golf in an area that is famous for it's golf. I didn't play on any special course, but for the first time I feel like I'm in control (as much as I can control) on the course. I used to just try to hit the crap out of the ball and not know where it was going. I am confident now that I can solidly hit the ball 280 yards and hit it somewhat straight. Now finding the ball after hitting it? That's another thing. And don't even talk to me about putting. *sigh* For the first time I've wanted to purchase my own clubs. Craigslist and ebay here I come. Also, in the past I have been against drinking and playing sports. I had 3 beers while I was on the course. I felt that I was able to play better after drinking. Go figure.

For the wife's birthday I went through a few firsts for her:

-I got my first ever pedicure. I've always thought that pedicures were for the feminine...male. It wasn't as great as I had hoped, but my feet do look good. For the money I'd rather poney up some extra bucks and get a sports massage. I can cut my own nails, scrub my own feet and lotion the whole bit for free. Unless I'm getting a pedicure for free I don't think I'll be going back.

-I went shopping for a good amount of time without complaining. Yes. That was actually one of the gifts I provided to my wife. She drags me along to shopping all the time. And I absolutely hate it. This time I shut my mouth, smiled and gave my opinions on what she was trying on.

Rando Post June 08

Today for lunch I ate rice with a leftover calzone from the weekend. And it was awesome. I never thought that eating something like that (pizza tasting) with rice would be good. But it was. Maybe it was because I filled the calzone with red pepper flakes. So spicy.

Today for the entire day for the first time since I was in 6th grade, I wore whitey tighties. I decided it was time. It was a bit uncomfortable, but at the same time pretty supportive. You want to know the main reason I switched to boxers? Because in 7th grade, it was the first time we had locker rooms. We had to change for physical education instead of running around in our clothes. Yes...we had awesome PE uniforms that we ran the mile and a half in. And played volleyball. And wrestled, and square danced. PE was good times. And I'm sitting here laughing about how it took me a good 3 months at least when I was a "sevie" to figure out why girls got red shorts and why guys were only offered the grey ones. Anyway, I was so embarrassed the first few times I was taking off my jeans and whoa - there were my whitey tighties - it was like me and 4 or 5 other guys out of the 60 of us in there that had them - that I told my mom that we had to go get some for me. And within a couple weeks I was used to them.

There was an article today about how people in the Netherlands think that the world will end in 4 years. I have been to the Netherlands. I can see how they think the world might be ending for them. But to be able to say that I've been there before the world ends? That's a pretty awesome feat IMO. Well, at least for a guy that had only previously been to places in North America.

Writing about Europe reminds me that I love this word:

mi·ser –noun
1. a person who lives in wretched circumstances in order to save and hoard money.
2. a stingy, avaricious person.
3. Obsolete. A wretched or unhappy person.

I heard it on my current favorite investing show, "Fast Money" and had to throw it in here. Europe reminds me of being a miser because I was given the "talk" which I knew I would get sometime during the trip. Mainly the talk of "quit being such a cheap ass". Or "quit complaining, this is a once in a lifetime trip". It was just hard for me because I kept doing the currency conversion. While in the Netherlands I paid 4 Euro for a bottled water...which in US dollars comes out to be almost $7. I could buy a 24 pack of bottled water (good water!) here in the states for $7! Sheesh. Are the richest people you know the ones that spend the most? Or the ones that complain the most about spending? I think that's an interesting question to ask of ourselves.

The wife's golden birthday ends on the 26th of this month. Can you guess how old she is going to be? Hella old. We'll be checking out Hilton Head this coming weekend and I promised that I would go shopping with her all weekend (and not complain) and that I would also get my first pedicure (per her request). Wow. It's going to be an interesting weekend for me. And talking about her birthday, my mom just called and told me that she sent her CASH IN THE MAIL for her birthday. *slaps forehead* If all we get in the mail is a card I'm going to just shake my head and sigh...and know she loves us.

Daniel Island is almost a perfect place for me and the dog to live. There are sidewalks and trails that lead everywhere on the island. Everyone loves to ride their bike and go running around the island and the afternoon weather is perfect for it. I am getting in some of the best shape of my life because I take the dog out at least 6 times a day, and on at least 2 of those walks we go for almost 3 miles each time. I run with her until she wants to stop running. And some days she'll be the one that wants to keep running and I want to stop. In a previous life I am pretty sure she was a race horse. I read somewhere that to calculate the amount of calories you burn per mile take your weight and multiply it by .50 for walking and .75 for running. That's pretty solid - not that I need to diet or anything, just being in good shape is great for me.

And without the dog, I'm not sure what I'd do with myself here at home. Having her here with me keeps me from being too lonely. Plus it gives me something to take my mind off of work, along with something to do during my lunch break, because I never use my full amount of time eating. I'm amazed that we've already been out here for 2 months. It's going to be hard going back during the dead of winter, especially if I can't work from home when I get there.

I am currently watching the NCAA world series. This is my thing you know. Turn on the tube, watch for about 30 minutes to an hour of something that I DVR. Pay full attention to what I DVR for about 20 minutes and then go grab the laptop and have the TV on in the background. The University of Georgia and Fresno State are playing and the score is 18 to 10 in the bottom of the 8th inning. Christ. It's like watching one of my softball games. I just expect each batter to get a hit. I guess that's what happens when the guys are using metal bats...I really miss softball. My buddy was telling me how he's probably going to be in 3 different leagues this summer. I just want to be in one right now. Just one night a week on the field and I'd be happy. I have to wait for the new leagues to start up in August.

I'm going to end this post with a quote.

"The reason a lot of people do not recognize opportunity is because it usually goes around wearing overalls looking like hard work."
-Thomas Edison

8 and 5/6th days

Is how far I made it.

Weak willed.

But I think that's the longest I've gone for years.

I just couldn't see the point of it anymore. This is not like something that is unhealthy for me. If it was something like smoking or drinking - then yeah, I would definitely try a lot harder.

I gave it a shot, I hated it. Maybe when I get older I can try again - in fact, when I am older I'll probably do it without knowing it. Scary.

On completely unrelated notes (cause there's really not much else to say about giving up the 30 day challenge), the Lakers are down 3-1 in the NBA finals now. Which are actually playing on the TV in front of me.

I woke up this morning at 1:54 AM. And I couldn't sleep until about 4 AM. Now I am exhausted. But I'm going to stay up just to see if the Celtics pull off the NBA championship. Damn you Boston.

You already had the Patriots. Then you got the Red Sox. And now you're going to pull the Celtics on us too? Ridiculous. Seattle's last real championship happened before I was born. Great. I'm just going to keep my fingers crossed for ONE big three championship in my lifetime.

Tomorrow marks expiration week in the market.

It should be interesting times. I'll check in again when it's over.

Day 7

I've made it this far.

And I wouldn't have posted if it hadn't been so challenging.

This morning I really felt like giving up. In fact, by this afternoon I had basically decided with the wife that I was going to bow out of the challenge.

But - after dinner, a little shopping, and a long walk with the dog, there wasn't really time. I mean, there was time. But I felt a little guilty giving up this early. In fact, I felt a lot guilty. And when it comes to this sort of thing, I feel like women can be so fickle.

With men, it's a switch. With the flip of a switch we are ready to go. But whatever.

In an hour I've made it to day 8.

And I want to turn it off. I want my switch to be turned off and I don't want to think about it at all. I am angry with myself about how I haven't been able to shut down. I should have the will power to not only go for 30 days, but for as long as I want. Maybe I should resolve to do that. To completely give up craving the flesh.

I want to go from "loving on" to "loving off" starting tomorrow. And I think I've got a bit of anger on my side now to help out.

But of course there's always going to be this reocurring thought in the back of my head that really this is all so stupid...

The 30 Day Experiment

Well more of a challenge.

After reading through the Style Diaries, I felt like it might be something I could try.

I haven't gone more than 5 days without it.

And that is...going.

Not like the daily going. Well, I guess it is - was daily for me - but more like the kind your body doesn't require.

So 4 days ago on June 4th, 2008 a few guys and I took the plunge. So far I don't think anyone has given in.

I think for myself, I wanted to see what happened. To see if my will power - my mind - was stronger than my physical needs. And I'd like to say that they are. But I'm only 4 days in.

And in those 4 days, I have already had a hard time. It honestly wouldn't be so tough if I was living in Seattle. The weather back home is terrible. 50 degrees and cloudy and raining. No bikinis. No beaches. No 95 degree and blue sky weather.

So, I'll be doing updates throughout the 30 days. I'm going to try my best to make it. I've been testing myself already - putting myself in compromising positions to see how I hold up.

And after 4 days, I'd like to share what I've learned and what's happened to me:

-Some of the things I do are out of pure habit. I do it because it's normally what I do in the morning or at night. So breaking this habit should be just like any other habit. Once I pass the first hurdle of stopping myself from my habit then it should be smooth sailing from there. I just never thought I was a habitual...goer.

-I have loved on the wife a lot more during this time. And by "loved on" I mean a lot more affectionate. Way more kissing, hugging.

-My balls sag a lot lower than I thought they would. Or maybe that's all in my head that things are starting to get "heavy" or "weigh down on me".

-I've noticed a lot more skin on TV than before. Especially in movie trailers. Like I wonder how many people will go to see Angelina Jolie's latest movie because it shows the upper half of her exposed back. A week ago I wouldn't have really cared about seeing something on TV like that. But tonight I really noticed it.

-I feel like the kleenex boxes in the house are taunting me.

-I suddenly had a huge craving for pop. I wanted sprite. I wanted root beer. I went out and bought all three versions of the democracy but have only drank two of them so far. But then I realized it wasn't just a craving for carbonated sugar water. It was a craving for all things sweet. I bought chewy chips ahoy. I bought a cinnamon roll. I bought 2 kinds of ice cream and even got a scoop of ice cream at the local shop. Is this me replacing one habit with another? Maybe it's just me over thinking it. I hope this craving for sugar stops within the next couple days though. I don't want my body to take too much more of it.

And other than that, really there hasn't been that big of a difference in my life. Yet.

But I'm watching the Celtics beat the Lakers in Game 2 of the NBA finals partly due to poor officiating. And instead of continuing to think about the 26 days ahead of me, I'm going to pay full attention to that. Expect more updates - even if I do fail.