Reasons why the stock market and everyone who is so optimistic on the whole economy might be taking a turn down the path of unhappiness once again:
-Companies reporting earnings numbers based on cost cutting (layoffs/office closures) vs. top line revenue growth. You can slash and burn a lot of things, but if you continue to lose revenue (in a lot of cases a 70%+ year over year difference) sooner or later there won't be any revenue to pay the employees you have left. A growing economy is not one that continues to cut it's workers to make (or beat) analyst's estimates.
-10% unemployment or more in 15 states as of today. And soon many unemployment benefits will expire. Think of all the workers who have been living off unemployment, slowly running out of time to find a new job. Soon enough even their $300 a week will be gone too. Then it becomes a matter of survival. What do you pay for? Food is always first. Everything else is not necessary. More houses become vacant. More credit cards unpaid. Less revenue generated for "luxury" goods - in even this case anything that is not edible. And what do we get from this?
-Downward spiral with commercial mortgages. Every day I cringe at the sight of the big "FOR LEASE" signs. All of those strip malls out there. Heck, even all of those actual malls. Those were big investments for someone - for some company. And when that domino effect starts (which it already has begun), watch out. Let's take one of your local malls. I'm sure plenty of us have them near us and know what kind of stores are in them - many of which you've always wondered how they remained in business. Guess what? Some of them may be out of business soon if they are not already out of business. Mrs. Field's cookies become a luxury. No one sees the point of pretzels from Auntie Anne's (and actually can find the recipe online). iTunes, Amazon and even Walmart continue to dominate stores like FYE, Gamestop, Barnes and Noble, Borders. And those last two companies take up a lot of space which costs them a lot of money in the form of a lease. And as soon as that rent stops getting paid, the owner of the mall cannot continue to take the loss on their multi-million dollar property...who's going to be left holding the bag on that one again?
Probably us, the tax payers. Which brings me to my last reason why this isn't close to being over yet...
-Politicians still unable to agree on anything - we're seeing the same old gridlock as we always haev in the past. In my opinion nothing has changed except the talking head on TV. The stimulus is a joke. I laugh every time I see an ad for Cash for Clunkers - although for at least the last month things will look rosy just because of an incentive that tax payers are paying for anyway. Driving down to Charleston I saw a lot of "stimulus projects". Lots of roadwork. Yes, many of the roads we drove on needed a little work. But were they bearable? Absolutely. Couldn't this money have been spent somewhere better? I don't think I-90 needed to be completely repaved. The whole health care situation is a mess. States like California are basically bankrupt - I heard a story where they were considering releasing thousands of inmates to cut their budget. Absolutely hilarious. I can already sense the wave turning on all that "Hope for Change." Things could get ugly in regards to our talking heads pretty soon.
-Statistics lie. In June there was a .5% increase from month to month in the Case Schiller home price index, (meaning that home prices actually increased from June to July) however if you really drilled down on that number there was actually a 17% decline in prices since last July. So you're telling me that across this nation that homeowners lost almost 20% of the value in their homes? Some homes out there which have already lost that much over last year? Some homes (like my parent's house) which was completely paid off and they just continue to lose that equity? How must each person who goes to the market to offload what is now a depreciating asset - how terrible must they feel to take a loss on something they've dumped years of hard work in to? Sickening.
-Inflation hasn't even hit yet. All of these dollars to "stimulate" the economy have to go somewhere right? I give it 3-5 years assuming we continue down this path. Imagine gas over $6 a gallon. The oil companies have to continue to make their money too. And yes - I forgot, there is "alternative energy", but remember it's much easier to build/service a solar panel/wind farm than it is to constantly be mining for coal or drilling for oil. More jobs lost (although we've been told that this green revolution will create more jobs - I'll believe it when I see it).
-Of course all this bad news sets us up for what I'm assuming will be the worst retail Christmas ever. Because that is what counts. What happens when you have an economy based off of 70% consumers - meaning they actually consume things - who back off their spending by even 10%? Disaster. I even looked around at Old Navy today and saw 3 moms shopping with their kids for what I'm assuming was back to school stuff. 5 years ago I would've had to squeeze past shoppers in the aisles, wait for a fitting room and then wait once again to purchase my old navy performance fleece. Now? *crickets*
Currently I'm still in the mode of "cautiously optimistic" for the US. However, over the next few months (possibly until late 2010) the ugliness is more than likely going to continue.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Saturday, August 08, 2009
Sweet Sorrow
I can't say it any better.
So I'm just going to steal it.
In less than 48 hours I am going to be starting the long journey that is driving across the country once again.
Unfortunately for me, there were no sweet enough offers for me to stay. But, in all reality I never really tried as hard as I should have.
I think it was the combination of knowing that we were more than likely going to be leaving once again and also the terrible state of the economy that contributed to my lack of drive for finding something in Seattle. I hope it doesn't carry over - but I don't think it will.
I'm sitting right now in what is basically an empty house. They took everything we needed - furniture, housewares, clothes. And now I am living out of a suitcase. In my own house. I'd love if we could get on the road right now, but I've got some extra things to do before we leave. Unfortunately family wasn't available to say their last goodbyes and I've got 2 more softball games I'd like to play in to basically end my Seattle summer.
And that's another sad part about leaving. Everything is always, "Last" - for at least the next 6 months. This is the last time I'll eat teriyaki. This is the last time I'll play basketball with this group of guys. This is the last time I'll be taking the dog on a walk through our neighborhood.
When you put a spin like that on things - everything becomes important. Intense. More beautiful than you've ever seen it before. You recognize things that for the past 9 months you just would walk by. Suddenly the leaves rustling in the breeze have now become art to you. Because you know it's going to be some time before you see them again. I hold on - I savor it as much as I can. Take it all in.
Because once I'm on that road again - all I've got are pictures and memories.
I honestly thought I would be much more excited to leave than I am right now. Maybe it's the lack of job that's hurting me. Or maybe it's the memories of all the good times I had back home while I was here.
Life keeps moving on, so I'll try my best not to frown on great times from the recent past and be welcome to new opportunities sure to come my way.
So I'm just going to steal it.
In less than 48 hours I am going to be starting the long journey that is driving across the country once again.
Unfortunately for me, there were no sweet enough offers for me to stay. But, in all reality I never really tried as hard as I should have.
I think it was the combination of knowing that we were more than likely going to be leaving once again and also the terrible state of the economy that contributed to my lack of drive for finding something in Seattle. I hope it doesn't carry over - but I don't think it will.
I'm sitting right now in what is basically an empty house. They took everything we needed - furniture, housewares, clothes. And now I am living out of a suitcase. In my own house. I'd love if we could get on the road right now, but I've got some extra things to do before we leave. Unfortunately family wasn't available to say their last goodbyes and I've got 2 more softball games I'd like to play in to basically end my Seattle summer.
And that's another sad part about leaving. Everything is always, "Last" - for at least the next 6 months. This is the last time I'll eat teriyaki. This is the last time I'll play basketball with this group of guys. This is the last time I'll be taking the dog on a walk through our neighborhood.
When you put a spin like that on things - everything becomes important. Intense. More beautiful than you've ever seen it before. You recognize things that for the past 9 months you just would walk by. Suddenly the leaves rustling in the breeze have now become art to you. Because you know it's going to be some time before you see them again. I hold on - I savor it as much as I can. Take it all in.
Because once I'm on that road again - all I've got are pictures and memories.
I honestly thought I would be much more excited to leave than I am right now. Maybe it's the lack of job that's hurting me. Or maybe it's the memories of all the good times I had back home while I was here.
Life keeps moving on, so I'll try my best not to frown on great times from the recent past and be welcome to new opportunities sure to come my way.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Just Like That...
It was over.
It was like one of those hate/love relationships. One where you would fight often, but keep coming back to it because it was the only thing available. Or so it seemed like. But all of a sudden over the past few months things had been getting worse and worse and you both knew things were coming to an end.
But as soon as it was said, "It's over. I'm sorry." It felt real this time. It felt like you were never going to see them again. And just in knowing that - that's when it hurt. In your stomach, in your heart - in your throat. You couldn't cry though because it had been coming for so long.
That's what it felt like yesterday when the movers came out to pick up everything. My monitor, my PC, my phone. It was so quick. Packed it all up in a box and shipped it back to the office. Thursday was my last day of work - of living the dream. Working from home, getting overpaid for something in the back of my head I knew couldn't last (but had hoped would).
I think one of the hardest parts about it is the pity party. Almost every person I've come in contact with that's known about my lay off has had an immediate, "I'm sorry" look on their face - if not also saying it and then wishing me, "The best of luck" followed up by something like, "You're young, I'm sure you'll find something." Just like the movers yesterday - telling me that I was lucky that I was still young enough to find something.
I just always think it's easy for them to say when here they are actually working still. Still pulling in a paycheck. Still, in some way, feeling useful.
Today, I went in and signed my severance papers. There is no better way for me to describe it other than, "Wham, bam, thank you ma'am". There was no ceremony, no fanfare. My exit interview and question period didn't even last longer than 5 minutes. Almost 4 and a half years and the best I got (other the severance) were a few firm handshakes and more "good lucks".
So, this is the start of unemployment. Luckily for the next few weeks I'll be busy getting some loose ends tied for the move to Charleston, and then getting settled. But after that, how I feel is anyone's guess.
It was like one of those hate/love relationships. One where you would fight often, but keep coming back to it because it was the only thing available. Or so it seemed like. But all of a sudden over the past few months things had been getting worse and worse and you both knew things were coming to an end.
But as soon as it was said, "It's over. I'm sorry." It felt real this time. It felt like you were never going to see them again. And just in knowing that - that's when it hurt. In your stomach, in your heart - in your throat. You couldn't cry though because it had been coming for so long.
That's what it felt like yesterday when the movers came out to pick up everything. My monitor, my PC, my phone. It was so quick. Packed it all up in a box and shipped it back to the office. Thursday was my last day of work - of living the dream. Working from home, getting overpaid for something in the back of my head I knew couldn't last (but had hoped would).
I think one of the hardest parts about it is the pity party. Almost every person I've come in contact with that's known about my lay off has had an immediate, "I'm sorry" look on their face - if not also saying it and then wishing me, "The best of luck" followed up by something like, "You're young, I'm sure you'll find something." Just like the movers yesterday - telling me that I was lucky that I was still young enough to find something.
I just always think it's easy for them to say when here they are actually working still. Still pulling in a paycheck. Still, in some way, feeling useful.
Today, I went in and signed my severance papers. There is no better way for me to describe it other than, "Wham, bam, thank you ma'am". There was no ceremony, no fanfare. My exit interview and question period didn't even last longer than 5 minutes. Almost 4 and a half years and the best I got (other the severance) were a few firm handshakes and more "good lucks".
So, this is the start of unemployment. Luckily for the next few weeks I'll be busy getting some loose ends tied for the move to Charleston, and then getting settled. But after that, how I feel is anyone's guess.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Unemployment
I promised I'd write about my journey towards unemployment.
And I'm sure there's people out there who might read this and maybe gain some insight in to what they might expect. Or maybe might be feeling the same as I am right now.
For me, this is a pretty big blow. I think I've mentioned this in a previous post, but every time I think about it, it hurts a bit. And it hasn't really gone away over the past couple of months.
It sucks knowing that my peers are out there succeeding while I'm looking to start over. I hate knowing I will more than likely have a commute in the future - that I'll have to get dressed every day. That I'll lose my 5 weeks of vacation, and what little history I had built with my company.
I just feel like I don't want people to think I'm lazy - I feel like I got unlucky.
I also think that although they publish the unemployment number at almost 10% I think it's probably close to double that. I'm sure there are people out there who have given up on looking for jobs. Or they've just decided to cut back everything and live off of one income (if they're still lucky to even have that).
It's also hard to keep my head up when everyone else around me who is getting laid off is welcoming the lack of work with open arms. They can't wait to take this extended vacation. I am not one of those people. I think being without a job is embarrassing. I was hoping I would get over that feeling by this time, but I haven't. I think doing work is doing your part in this world and gives life a nice structure to it (even though many of us may hate our jobs). Also the benefits of being employed typically exceed the benefits of not being employed.
And yes, the money will be good for almost half a year. I'm going to receive a nice payout for the vacation hours I never used and then receive another 11 weeks of severance where they continue to pay me as if I was still working for the company. On top of that the amount of money I'll be receiving from unemployment was much higher than I had originally imagined.
Originally I figured that unemployment would be about 2/3rds of what I was earning while I was working. Either that or half seemed like the right amount to pay someone on unemployment.
For me, I will receive almost $2300 a month. This seemed like much more than I was going to get because I never calculated in the money that I never saw from my paycheck. I was maxing out my match to my 401K by contributing 7% a year. I was reporting "0" to the IRS because I always figured if I had it I'd spend it. I was paying towards a few benefits which I rarely ever used. And because of all that the unemployment amount will be enough for me to easily survive off of.
So you may have some questions for someone that's been through it, like I had before I gone through it.
Q: How do I apply for unemployment?
A: For Washington state residents go to http://www.go2ui.com and you can apply there.
Q: What do you have to do to continue to receive unemployment benefits?
A: After applying they require you to make 3 job "contacts" per week. To me, that means applying for 3 jobs a week. The unemployment office does have the ability to audit your applications so I have kept a record of all the jobs I have applied for. Also, you must file a weekly claim which is basically a set of yes or no questions which can also be done through the same website.
Q: How was your benefit amount calculated?
A: You can read through this website (again for WA state residents) to calculate your benefits.
Q: How quickly do you start to receive unemployment payments?
A: As soon as I received the announcement that I would be losing my job someone mentioned that it may take up to 6 weeks to receive my first payment. Knowing this, I applied for my unemployment benefits a month before my last day of work. After speaking with someone at the unemployment office supposedly the longest I would wait after applying for benefits would be 1 week. I am not sure if the 6 week time frame is true or not but I didn't want to test it.
Q: How long will you receive unemployment for?
A: The initial period is 6 months. They give you a maximum dollar amount for unemployment for those 6 months so if you do somehow make more money during a certain week (while you are unemployed, for example doing a side job or week-long only job) they will not pay out the unemployment benefits. You can apply for extensions for the unemployment benefit up to 2 years.
Q: Will your unemployment payment decrease after the initial 6 months of payments?
A: No
Q: Will my income be affected by taxes once I start working again because I've received unemployment money?
A: No
Q: If I move out of state to try and find a new job in a new location (or move in with relatives/family/friends) will I still continue to receive my unemployment payment from Washington state?
A: Yes
Q: How do taxes work on money that is paid to you for unemployment?
A: The application gave me the ability to let the IRS take 10% of what unemployment is paying me. I believe I answered that I don't want them to take it (sad I don't remember) since I have so many deductions at the end of the year that usually I need that income to write it off against (not even sure if this makes sense). I don't really have the answer to this question until I file my taxes next year - and God willing I'll have a new job by then.
If you have any further questions please let me know. I've got a total of 7 working days left, 1 of which I only have to sign my severance papers and the others I don't really want to work. So I'll definitely have time to do some research.
After over 4 years and so many changes I've gone through in my job, it'll be weird to wake up Monday morning, August 3rd 2009 and not have a job. I'll just have to cross that bridge when I get there.
And I'm sure there's people out there who might read this and maybe gain some insight in to what they might expect. Or maybe might be feeling the same as I am right now.
For me, this is a pretty big blow. I think I've mentioned this in a previous post, but every time I think about it, it hurts a bit. And it hasn't really gone away over the past couple of months.
It sucks knowing that my peers are out there succeeding while I'm looking to start over. I hate knowing I will more than likely have a commute in the future - that I'll have to get dressed every day. That I'll lose my 5 weeks of vacation, and what little history I had built with my company.
I just feel like I don't want people to think I'm lazy - I feel like I got unlucky.
I also think that although they publish the unemployment number at almost 10% I think it's probably close to double that. I'm sure there are people out there who have given up on looking for jobs. Or they've just decided to cut back everything and live off of one income (if they're still lucky to even have that).
It's also hard to keep my head up when everyone else around me who is getting laid off is welcoming the lack of work with open arms. They can't wait to take this extended vacation. I am not one of those people. I think being without a job is embarrassing. I was hoping I would get over that feeling by this time, but I haven't. I think doing work is doing your part in this world and gives life a nice structure to it (even though many of us may hate our jobs). Also the benefits of being employed typically exceed the benefits of not being employed.
And yes, the money will be good for almost half a year. I'm going to receive a nice payout for the vacation hours I never used and then receive another 11 weeks of severance where they continue to pay me as if I was still working for the company. On top of that the amount of money I'll be receiving from unemployment was much higher than I had originally imagined.
Originally I figured that unemployment would be about 2/3rds of what I was earning while I was working. Either that or half seemed like the right amount to pay someone on unemployment.
For me, I will receive almost $2300 a month. This seemed like much more than I was going to get because I never calculated in the money that I never saw from my paycheck. I was maxing out my match to my 401K by contributing 7% a year. I was reporting "0" to the IRS because I always figured if I had it I'd spend it. I was paying towards a few benefits which I rarely ever used. And because of all that the unemployment amount will be enough for me to easily survive off of.
So you may have some questions for someone that's been through it, like I had before I gone through it.
Q: How do I apply for unemployment?
A: For Washington state residents go to http://www.go2ui.com and you can apply there.
Q: What do you have to do to continue to receive unemployment benefits?
A: After applying they require you to make 3 job "contacts" per week. To me, that means applying for 3 jobs a week. The unemployment office does have the ability to audit your applications so I have kept a record of all the jobs I have applied for. Also, you must file a weekly claim which is basically a set of yes or no questions which can also be done through the same website.
Q: How was your benefit amount calculated?
A: You can read through this website (again for WA state residents) to calculate your benefits.
Q: How quickly do you start to receive unemployment payments?
A: As soon as I received the announcement that I would be losing my job someone mentioned that it may take up to 6 weeks to receive my first payment. Knowing this, I applied for my unemployment benefits a month before my last day of work. After speaking with someone at the unemployment office supposedly the longest I would wait after applying for benefits would be 1 week. I am not sure if the 6 week time frame is true or not but I didn't want to test it.
Q: How long will you receive unemployment for?
A: The initial period is 6 months. They give you a maximum dollar amount for unemployment for those 6 months so if you do somehow make more money during a certain week (while you are unemployed, for example doing a side job or week-long only job) they will not pay out the unemployment benefits. You can apply for extensions for the unemployment benefit up to 2 years.
Q: Will your unemployment payment decrease after the initial 6 months of payments?
A: No
Q: Will my income be affected by taxes once I start working again because I've received unemployment money?
A: No
Q: If I move out of state to try and find a new job in a new location (or move in with relatives/family/friends) will I still continue to receive my unemployment payment from Washington state?
A: Yes
Q: How do taxes work on money that is paid to you for unemployment?
A: The application gave me the ability to let the IRS take 10% of what unemployment is paying me. I believe I answered that I don't want them to take it (sad I don't remember) since I have so many deductions at the end of the year that usually I need that income to write it off against (not even sure if this makes sense). I don't really have the answer to this question until I file my taxes next year - and God willing I'll have a new job by then.
If you have any further questions please let me know. I've got a total of 7 working days left, 1 of which I only have to sign my severance papers and the others I don't really want to work. So I'll definitely have time to do some research.
After over 4 years and so many changes I've gone through in my job, it'll be weird to wake up Monday morning, August 3rd 2009 and not have a job. I'll just have to cross that bridge when I get there.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
As Old As Cain and Abel
"Just plain old jealousy".
One of my favorite lines from one of my favorite movies. Remember the titans.
Ever since I've dealt with relationships with the opposite sex, I've always been jealous.
Sure, it's gotten a lot better as I've grown older - and hopefully wiser - but I will still admit it's there.
Maybe it's because I tend to date out of my league. Always going for women I feel are better than I am - maybe it's their looks. Maybe it's how they are as a person. Maybe overall they are just a better person than I am.
And I realize that - and become insecure. Realize that the woman I am with probably deserves better than me, and how I fooled her in to staying with me is kind of beyond me. In my opinion there is always going to be some guy out there that is better for her. Better in all aspects than me.
So I can't help it. I always think that that guy is going to come waltzing in to her life and sweep her off her feet making her realize what a bum I actually am.
This doesn't happen very often with the wife. I would say it definitely happened more often in college than it does now. In college I dated girls that I always thought would find better than me. Because it was college, and there are plenty of fish in the sea. It's easier to meet people in college because of all the social activities.
So I've been alright - and still am right now. But I wanted to write about something that really blew my mind. I think I've only written about my dreams once or twice before on this blog, but what really amazed me was that one of the dreams that I had last night actually taught me something.
Which, if you stop and think about it, is really odd. It is my subconscious trying to tell me something. And I woke up this morning at 3:30 AM right after I finished that dream and had a hard time getting back to sleep because I had a hard time accepting the fact that one of my dreams made me change my mind on something.
A little backstory first: The wife has been having some issues working out lately and not being able to drop the weight like she would like to. This being the case she met on Monday with - what I'm guessing - is an old friend of hers from high school who is now a personal trainer.
Not to be gay or anything, but the guy looks good. I can admit it. After all, his profession is in personal training and he didn't start out with bad looks to begin with. So knowing the stigma around personal trainers and understanding that there are vulnerable women out there who like to see results and love the support from an attractive male - it's not hard to see where my insecurities might be coming from.
Regardless, here's the best I can do from recalling my dream last night:
It started out with me walking in to what felt like a gym. The weird thing was, they had those blue pads down on the floor - you know the ones they use for gymnastics in junior high or put up behind basketball hoops to soften the blow. The weird part about it was the gym was split in half with a giant wall down the middle. On one side of the gym they had their weights and the other side they had the cardio equipment.
I walked down what was a sloping gym (another weird thing about it) and picked up a curl bar and starting working my biceps. As I was lifting I looked through one of the windows to the other side of the gym and there I saw my wife riding a bike and working hard...with who else next to her but the personal trainer I had mentioned earlier.
Ok - I was fine with it, but I was a little irked at the time because she hadn't mentioned anything to me (I was thinking this in the dream) that she was going to be working out with him that afternoon.
I remember sinking my feet in to the floor padding as I was curling the bar. And I was curling, there she was, now leaving the gym - soaked through her workout clothes because she had worked hard. I thought to myself that I was in the clear because all she had done was worked out with him, and now she was leaving. Unfortunately I was wrong. As she was walking out the door - she didn't even see me there lifting - she turned around to give the personal trainer a hug. And it wasn't just any sort of friendly hug - the ones that are short lived and maybe include a pat on the back and a quick pull away. It was a hug that lasted an eternity in my dream. One where she arched her back and leaned back a little and he leaned in to her.
Watching it broke me. In my dream I leave the gym hurt and feeling that pang of jealousy. Suddenly we are walking together down a asphalt trail through a large grass park. It is her and me and 3 younger people, one of which was interested in renting our condo we have in Northgate. For some odd reason in my dream we are walking to the condo now.
When we get there we open up the front door to the entrance of the condo and we find that since there were so many retired tenants living there (this is actually true) that the homeowner's association decided to hire full time live in nurses and turn the complex in to a retirement home. Seeing all the nurses walking around brought back terrible flashbacks to the girl who had happily agreed to come check out the condo and possibly rent it and she bust out in to tears. Unstoppable and an agonizingly loud sob - and there was nothing we could do about it.
I apologized to the girl checking out the property as she walked away, completely disturbed by what we had shown her. We decided to leave after another failed attempt at trying to rent out our 2nd property. For some reason, the wife and I arrived separately so I decided to go for a run first in that area before heading home. In my dream I thought I hadn't run around that area since going to college so I should get in my work out to help me avoid traffic on the way home along with checking out all the changes that the area had gone through since I was in college.
In the next part of my dream I am running under what looks like the aurora bridge. Except it is curling upwards, almost like a multiple on and off-ramp of one of our major freeways. During my run I am running with high knees (for no reason really other than a harder workout) and I am jogging through an almost empty parking lot. I run past a few of the cars in the lot when I see that one of the cars is running. From a distance I can see that there are 2 people sitting in what is an older light blue Saturn.
I run past the car and see one of my aunts sitting in the driver's seat and my neighbor decked out in suit and tie in the passenger seat. They are talking to each other but both are in a very somber mood and my neighbor looks like he is going to cry. I find this very odd - not that they are talking and are in the same car together (because they've never met) but because they are both very sad about something.
I run past the car trying my best to avoid eye contact. One of those times where you recognize someone but hope they don't recognize you. I run to a winding set of concrete stairs which supposedly leads to one of the freeway on ramps. As I am running up the stairs I hear the voice of my neighbor yell out for me to stop.
I stop a few steps up and look down to him. I can see that he is visibly crying and has been for some time because of his swollen eyes and red running nose. In his hand he holds a small brown ceramic pot which looks to be filled with ashes.
I ask him, "What's going on? Why are you so sad?"
"Do you know who's ashes are in this pot?"
My mind starts to race. I can't believe it. Someone in my family has died and now I have to guess at who it was. In my mind I am thinking it is someone in my Aunt's family because she was in the car next to my neighbor but didn't come out to talk to me herself.
So I guess at who's ashes they are starting with her family.
"Is it Tony's ashes?"
"No."
"Kyle?"
"No."
"Oh my gosh. It can't be Ally is it?"
And that's when I realized it. At that moment in my dream I figured out that my neighbor for some reason couldn't be that sad unless it was my wife he had the ashes of. And I stood there in a state of shock. In my mind I kept thinking it can't be her...please don't let it be her. Anyone but her.
And my neighbor took the pot in his hand, and dumped the ashes over the railing we were both standing over on the staircase.
"Actually Seth, what was in the pot was just sand." He said as he emptied the contents in the slight breeze that was blowing under the freeway. "But what's amazing to me is that you were willing to give up other's lives - those in your family who were much younger than you just to make sure these ashes weren't your wives. You were actually hoping this was their remains instead of hers."
And as soon as I had that realization I woke up. It may be a bit confusing after reading through all this, but in the end this dream helped me realize how important my wife was to me - and how I'll have to try my best from here on out to get past all the petty jealousy that has ruined my past relationships, and even destroyed lives like in the story of Cain and Abel.
It was a moral story within my own dreams. And while I was sleeping I've become a better person. I've never had a dream like that, one where I woke up with a bit of an epiphany. But I am thankful for it and impressed by the power of my own mind.
Now it's back off to dreamland.
One of my favorite lines from one of my favorite movies. Remember the titans.
Ever since I've dealt with relationships with the opposite sex, I've always been jealous.
Sure, it's gotten a lot better as I've grown older - and hopefully wiser - but I will still admit it's there.
Maybe it's because I tend to date out of my league. Always going for women I feel are better than I am - maybe it's their looks. Maybe it's how they are as a person. Maybe overall they are just a better person than I am.
And I realize that - and become insecure. Realize that the woman I am with probably deserves better than me, and how I fooled her in to staying with me is kind of beyond me. In my opinion there is always going to be some guy out there that is better for her. Better in all aspects than me.
So I can't help it. I always think that that guy is going to come waltzing in to her life and sweep her off her feet making her realize what a bum I actually am.
This doesn't happen very often with the wife. I would say it definitely happened more often in college than it does now. In college I dated girls that I always thought would find better than me. Because it was college, and there are plenty of fish in the sea. It's easier to meet people in college because of all the social activities.
So I've been alright - and still am right now. But I wanted to write about something that really blew my mind. I think I've only written about my dreams once or twice before on this blog, but what really amazed me was that one of the dreams that I had last night actually taught me something.
Which, if you stop and think about it, is really odd. It is my subconscious trying to tell me something. And I woke up this morning at 3:30 AM right after I finished that dream and had a hard time getting back to sleep because I had a hard time accepting the fact that one of my dreams made me change my mind on something.
A little backstory first: The wife has been having some issues working out lately and not being able to drop the weight like she would like to. This being the case she met on Monday with - what I'm guessing - is an old friend of hers from high school who is now a personal trainer.
Not to be gay or anything, but the guy looks good. I can admit it. After all, his profession is in personal training and he didn't start out with bad looks to begin with. So knowing the stigma around personal trainers and understanding that there are vulnerable women out there who like to see results and love the support from an attractive male - it's not hard to see where my insecurities might be coming from.
Regardless, here's the best I can do from recalling my dream last night:
It started out with me walking in to what felt like a gym. The weird thing was, they had those blue pads down on the floor - you know the ones they use for gymnastics in junior high or put up behind basketball hoops to soften the blow. The weird part about it was the gym was split in half with a giant wall down the middle. On one side of the gym they had their weights and the other side they had the cardio equipment.
I walked down what was a sloping gym (another weird thing about it) and picked up a curl bar and starting working my biceps. As I was lifting I looked through one of the windows to the other side of the gym and there I saw my wife riding a bike and working hard...with who else next to her but the personal trainer I had mentioned earlier.
Ok - I was fine with it, but I was a little irked at the time because she hadn't mentioned anything to me (I was thinking this in the dream) that she was going to be working out with him that afternoon.
I remember sinking my feet in to the floor padding as I was curling the bar. And I was curling, there she was, now leaving the gym - soaked through her workout clothes because she had worked hard. I thought to myself that I was in the clear because all she had done was worked out with him, and now she was leaving. Unfortunately I was wrong. As she was walking out the door - she didn't even see me there lifting - she turned around to give the personal trainer a hug. And it wasn't just any sort of friendly hug - the ones that are short lived and maybe include a pat on the back and a quick pull away. It was a hug that lasted an eternity in my dream. One where she arched her back and leaned back a little and he leaned in to her.
Watching it broke me. In my dream I leave the gym hurt and feeling that pang of jealousy. Suddenly we are walking together down a asphalt trail through a large grass park. It is her and me and 3 younger people, one of which was interested in renting our condo we have in Northgate. For some odd reason in my dream we are walking to the condo now.
When we get there we open up the front door to the entrance of the condo and we find that since there were so many retired tenants living there (this is actually true) that the homeowner's association decided to hire full time live in nurses and turn the complex in to a retirement home. Seeing all the nurses walking around brought back terrible flashbacks to the girl who had happily agreed to come check out the condo and possibly rent it and she bust out in to tears. Unstoppable and an agonizingly loud sob - and there was nothing we could do about it.
I apologized to the girl checking out the property as she walked away, completely disturbed by what we had shown her. We decided to leave after another failed attempt at trying to rent out our 2nd property. For some reason, the wife and I arrived separately so I decided to go for a run first in that area before heading home. In my dream I thought I hadn't run around that area since going to college so I should get in my work out to help me avoid traffic on the way home along with checking out all the changes that the area had gone through since I was in college.
In the next part of my dream I am running under what looks like the aurora bridge. Except it is curling upwards, almost like a multiple on and off-ramp of one of our major freeways. During my run I am running with high knees (for no reason really other than a harder workout) and I am jogging through an almost empty parking lot. I run past a few of the cars in the lot when I see that one of the cars is running. From a distance I can see that there are 2 people sitting in what is an older light blue Saturn.
I run past the car and see one of my aunts sitting in the driver's seat and my neighbor decked out in suit and tie in the passenger seat. They are talking to each other but both are in a very somber mood and my neighbor looks like he is going to cry. I find this very odd - not that they are talking and are in the same car together (because they've never met) but because they are both very sad about something.
I run past the car trying my best to avoid eye contact. One of those times where you recognize someone but hope they don't recognize you. I run to a winding set of concrete stairs which supposedly leads to one of the freeway on ramps. As I am running up the stairs I hear the voice of my neighbor yell out for me to stop.
I stop a few steps up and look down to him. I can see that he is visibly crying and has been for some time because of his swollen eyes and red running nose. In his hand he holds a small brown ceramic pot which looks to be filled with ashes.
I ask him, "What's going on? Why are you so sad?"
"Do you know who's ashes are in this pot?"
My mind starts to race. I can't believe it. Someone in my family has died and now I have to guess at who it was. In my mind I am thinking it is someone in my Aunt's family because she was in the car next to my neighbor but didn't come out to talk to me herself.
So I guess at who's ashes they are starting with her family.
"Is it Tony's ashes?"
"No."
"Kyle?"
"No."
"Oh my gosh. It can't be Ally is it?"
And that's when I realized it. At that moment in my dream I figured out that my neighbor for some reason couldn't be that sad unless it was my wife he had the ashes of. And I stood there in a state of shock. In my mind I kept thinking it can't be her...please don't let it be her. Anyone but her.
And my neighbor took the pot in his hand, and dumped the ashes over the railing we were both standing over on the staircase.
"Actually Seth, what was in the pot was just sand." He said as he emptied the contents in the slight breeze that was blowing under the freeway. "But what's amazing to me is that you were willing to give up other's lives - those in your family who were much younger than you just to make sure these ashes weren't your wives. You were actually hoping this was their remains instead of hers."
And as soon as I had that realization I woke up. It may be a bit confusing after reading through all this, but in the end this dream helped me realize how important my wife was to me - and how I'll have to try my best from here on out to get past all the petty jealousy that has ruined my past relationships, and even destroyed lives like in the story of Cain and Abel.
It was a moral story within my own dreams. And while I was sleeping I've become a better person. I've never had a dream like that, one where I woke up with a bit of an epiphany. But I am thankful for it and impressed by the power of my own mind.
Now it's back off to dreamland.
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
A Hairy Evening
Getting older is pretty bad.
I think one of the worst things about being a man and getting older is what happens to us physically. Specifically - going bald.
This afternoon I wanted to head out to the driving range after my terrible showings the past couple of outings on the course. It's been getting a little bit better with some practice, so I'm happy about it.
However, what I wasn't expecting was to see a previous acquaintance from high school working the front desk at the range.
I walked up, didn't even look twice until he took my name down for the membership verification.
"I thought you looked familiar" he said after I handed him my credit card.
And that's when I really stopped and looked at him.
Do you ever really look at the employees if nothing about them really strikes you as "different"? I don't.
"What's my name?" he asked me as he covered up his name tag.
I took what seemed like 5 seconds before the name tumbled out of my mouth.
"Pete!"
"Yup."
"I didn't even recognize you."
"..."
Then we talked about how he's been doing, what I've been up to, etc. And he did his job, getting me my bucket of balls, talking about golf, etc.
But why didn't I recognize him?
This guy had a lot of hair when he was younger. One of those guys that even when his hair was short it even had a wave to it because there wasn't enough room to fit on his head if it was straight.
But looking at him now, it was almost like he was a shell of his previous self. He seemed shorter (he always was somewhat short), and less filled out almost. Like he had shrunk over the past *gasp* 9 years since I had last seen him. And it was all because of the barren wasteland that now was his head, left with only tumbleweeds - not even a memory of what his hair used to look like.
And it reminded me of another friend from college I saw a couple weekends ago who had gone completely bald up top and all he had left was on the sides. I couldn't help but feel sorry for the kid.
But as I was getting my hair cut tonight I was thinking of both of them. In the past I've always said that balding was a sign of age, and hopefully in my case, more wisdom and therefore should be embraced and respected.
Now after seeing 2 guys my age really lose a lot up there (almost everything in 1 case) I'm starting to reconsider my foolish pride.
I don't want to lose my hair. With as big of a watermelon I have on these shoulders it will look absolutely terrible when I lose my hair. Yes, I have had my head completely shaven in the past, and no I don't have a problem with it, but even then I still had a quarter inch of hair on every part of my scalp. Having no hair is completely different.
So, I've decided to make an effort to keep my hair. I've noticed my hairline receding (or maybe thinning) I'm not sure. Maybe I've just been a little paranoid about it recently. But I plan on using a special shampoo I've been given (before it's too late) and if it comes to it even looking at certain types of surgery that can be done to keep my head full of hair. Because although when I do get older seeing bald men my age won't be as surprising as it is now, I still think I'll look like less of a man without my hair.
27 years and still doing well. Maybe I'll change my mind if it starts falling out at 40. Until then, worrying about it can only speed up the process.
I think one of the worst things about being a man and getting older is what happens to us physically. Specifically - going bald.
This afternoon I wanted to head out to the driving range after my terrible showings the past couple of outings on the course. It's been getting a little bit better with some practice, so I'm happy about it.
However, what I wasn't expecting was to see a previous acquaintance from high school working the front desk at the range.
I walked up, didn't even look twice until he took my name down for the membership verification.
"I thought you looked familiar" he said after I handed him my credit card.
And that's when I really stopped and looked at him.
Do you ever really look at the employees if nothing about them really strikes you as "different"? I don't.
"What's my name?" he asked me as he covered up his name tag.
I took what seemed like 5 seconds before the name tumbled out of my mouth.
"Pete!"
"Yup."
"I didn't even recognize you."
"..."
Then we talked about how he's been doing, what I've been up to, etc. And he did his job, getting me my bucket of balls, talking about golf, etc.
But why didn't I recognize him?
This guy had a lot of hair when he was younger. One of those guys that even when his hair was short it even had a wave to it because there wasn't enough room to fit on his head if it was straight.
But looking at him now, it was almost like he was a shell of his previous self. He seemed shorter (he always was somewhat short), and less filled out almost. Like he had shrunk over the past *gasp* 9 years since I had last seen him. And it was all because of the barren wasteland that now was his head, left with only tumbleweeds - not even a memory of what his hair used to look like.
And it reminded me of another friend from college I saw a couple weekends ago who had gone completely bald up top and all he had left was on the sides. I couldn't help but feel sorry for the kid.
But as I was getting my hair cut tonight I was thinking of both of them. In the past I've always said that balding was a sign of age, and hopefully in my case, more wisdom and therefore should be embraced and respected.
Now after seeing 2 guys my age really lose a lot up there (almost everything in 1 case) I'm starting to reconsider my foolish pride.
I don't want to lose my hair. With as big of a watermelon I have on these shoulders it will look absolutely terrible when I lose my hair. Yes, I have had my head completely shaven in the past, and no I don't have a problem with it, but even then I still had a quarter inch of hair on every part of my scalp. Having no hair is completely different.
So, I've decided to make an effort to keep my hair. I've noticed my hairline receding (or maybe thinning) I'm not sure. Maybe I've just been a little paranoid about it recently. But I plan on using a special shampoo I've been given (before it's too late) and if it comes to it even looking at certain types of surgery that can be done to keep my head full of hair. Because although when I do get older seeing bald men my age won't be as surprising as it is now, I still think I'll look like less of a man without my hair.
27 years and still doing well. Maybe I'll change my mind if it starts falling out at 40. Until then, worrying about it can only speed up the process.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Tips and Thoughts on Golf
Over the past year I've played more golf than I ever have before.
A few things contributed to this: Visiting my wife's grandma often down in Florida where she lives in a retirement community which main attraction is it's 3 golf courses, and having clubs to play with which were provided by her grandpa (RIP Lee) and then when I returned home my dad provided me his old set.
And since my dad loves golf so much, and just lived through his first day of retirement, I figure now would be the time to really start working on my game.
Believe me, I wish I had started earlier.
I'm not a very good golfer. At times, I can be downright terrible. But in comparison to everyone - those that play golf and those that have only played once or twice...or never, I consider myself to be above average.
Currently, I am shooting roughly an average of 108 per round of 18. That's about 36 shots over par, or basically double bogeying every hole (2 shots over par).
But, I am working on it. I haven't really seen any growth in my game, but I think I've learned a few things from getting out there that might be helpful to those that aren't so experienced.
Tips
-Be comfortable. Golf, or so I've heard - is relaxing. So in everything you do, especially in regards to your swing, should be comfortable. It shouldn't hurt. Find what feels good for you and work from there.
-Physics. Remember that class you took in High School? That's all golf is really. If you hit the ball with the bottom of your club you'll hit a grounder. Get under it and you'll send it skywards. Turn the club head in or out will send the ball that direction at impact. Think about how your club head is hitting the ball every time you swing and understanding that little amount of physics, adjust.
-Learn how to hit it straight consistently. I still haven't figured out how to do this. But once I figure out how to do this, I'll be able to aim my shots much better. As soon as you know how to hit it straight you can adjust your footing, your body alignment and make the ball go a little left or a little right dependent upon what you want. Power is nothing without control.
-Practice. Hit the driving range with one club and learn it inside and out. Learn your distances. When you're 130 yards out from the hole which club should you be using? With practice at a driving range where it lists the yardages you can learn which club to use. Practice enough that it becomes muscle memory when you hit with your pitching wedge from 75 yards out.
-Constantly be making adjustments. No 1 shot is ever the same. The grass is always growing, changing, drying or dampening. There is always a different slope or hazard in play. Your shots may have been tailing left for a few holes. How can you adjust your swing to straighten it out? Your putts have come up short when putting uphill. How will you approach a downhill putt? Always be thinking about how the way you're playing is currently being received by your ball and the course. Because that's the only thing you can change about the game.
-I heard this on a commercial during the US Open, but it is perfect: Every stroke counts the same on a scorecard. Whether it's a 300 yard drive off the tee, or a missed 3 foot par putt. It doesn't matter. Take advantage when you get the chance. Take your time, really assess where you are and make the most out of every stroke.
-No hole is ever over until your ball is in the cup. Don't give up - a few bad shots should make for a good save. Don't let your emotions get to you if you make a mistake; play the ball as it lies and make the best of you've got.
Thoughts
I used to be in the camp that thought that golf was boring. In fact, to this day I still turn it on TV to help me fall asleep if I want to take a midday nap. But lately I realized what getting out and playing really means to me - and probably a lot of other people.
Golf gives you the chance to get out and really enjoy the outdoors. Most of the courses out there have great views, if it only be of the course and the holes themselves. But if you think about the amount of effort that went in to making your fairways short and playable and the different types of grass and lengths of the rough, fringe and green, it's really quite amazing the type of "field" you get to play on as a golfer.
This evening I watched the sun set over a pond of the 18th hole of the Lynnwood Municipal Golf Course. That alone was almost worth the price of admission.
Respect. There's a lot of respect that goes in to playing golf. Respect for yourself by acting responsibly on the course and dressing appropriately. Respect for the people you're playing with and the other golfers playing around you. Respect for the course by following cart path rules and replacing divots. It's rare to see that much class out on the street at any time - but you can find it at most courses and it's very refreshing.
Quality time. There's no reason to rush on a golf course. Tonight our round lasted almost 4 hours. Which is about normal for me. But even if it went long and went 5 or 6 hours, as long as I had daylight I'd be happy.
Going out and golfing with your friends and family is about face time. These days where I talk to my friends more via email and text message, it's nice to have friendly competition but at the same time tons of face time. You may look at a wait on each tee of the hole as a bit of annoyance, but don't. Spend some time catching up with your buddies. You're in a relaxing environment to do so and all of you should have set the time aside to enjoy the round so there's no need to rush.
Golf gives you the ability to do something that other more strenuous sports might not offer - and that's the ability breathe deep, relax and try to have some fun.
See you out on the links.
A few things contributed to this: Visiting my wife's grandma often down in Florida where she lives in a retirement community which main attraction is it's 3 golf courses, and having clubs to play with which were provided by her grandpa (RIP Lee) and then when I returned home my dad provided me his old set.
And since my dad loves golf so much, and just lived through his first day of retirement, I figure now would be the time to really start working on my game.
Believe me, I wish I had started earlier.
I'm not a very good golfer. At times, I can be downright terrible. But in comparison to everyone - those that play golf and those that have only played once or twice...or never, I consider myself to be above average.
Currently, I am shooting roughly an average of 108 per round of 18. That's about 36 shots over par, or basically double bogeying every hole (2 shots over par).
But, I am working on it. I haven't really seen any growth in my game, but I think I've learned a few things from getting out there that might be helpful to those that aren't so experienced.
Tips
-Be comfortable. Golf, or so I've heard - is relaxing. So in everything you do, especially in regards to your swing, should be comfortable. It shouldn't hurt. Find what feels good for you and work from there.
-Physics. Remember that class you took in High School? That's all golf is really. If you hit the ball with the bottom of your club you'll hit a grounder. Get under it and you'll send it skywards. Turn the club head in or out will send the ball that direction at impact. Think about how your club head is hitting the ball every time you swing and understanding that little amount of physics, adjust.
-Learn how to hit it straight consistently. I still haven't figured out how to do this. But once I figure out how to do this, I'll be able to aim my shots much better. As soon as you know how to hit it straight you can adjust your footing, your body alignment and make the ball go a little left or a little right dependent upon what you want. Power is nothing without control.
-Practice. Hit the driving range with one club and learn it inside and out. Learn your distances. When you're 130 yards out from the hole which club should you be using? With practice at a driving range where it lists the yardages you can learn which club to use. Practice enough that it becomes muscle memory when you hit with your pitching wedge from 75 yards out.
-Constantly be making adjustments. No 1 shot is ever the same. The grass is always growing, changing, drying or dampening. There is always a different slope or hazard in play. Your shots may have been tailing left for a few holes. How can you adjust your swing to straighten it out? Your putts have come up short when putting uphill. How will you approach a downhill putt? Always be thinking about how the way you're playing is currently being received by your ball and the course. Because that's the only thing you can change about the game.
-I heard this on a commercial during the US Open, but it is perfect: Every stroke counts the same on a scorecard. Whether it's a 300 yard drive off the tee, or a missed 3 foot par putt. It doesn't matter. Take advantage when you get the chance. Take your time, really assess where you are and make the most out of every stroke.
-No hole is ever over until your ball is in the cup. Don't give up - a few bad shots should make for a good save. Don't let your emotions get to you if you make a mistake; play the ball as it lies and make the best of you've got.
Thoughts
I used to be in the camp that thought that golf was boring. In fact, to this day I still turn it on TV to help me fall asleep if I want to take a midday nap. But lately I realized what getting out and playing really means to me - and probably a lot of other people.
Golf gives you the chance to get out and really enjoy the outdoors. Most of the courses out there have great views, if it only be of the course and the holes themselves. But if you think about the amount of effort that went in to making your fairways short and playable and the different types of grass and lengths of the rough, fringe and green, it's really quite amazing the type of "field" you get to play on as a golfer.
This evening I watched the sun set over a pond of the 18th hole of the Lynnwood Municipal Golf Course. That alone was almost worth the price of admission.
Respect. There's a lot of respect that goes in to playing golf. Respect for yourself by acting responsibly on the course and dressing appropriately. Respect for the people you're playing with and the other golfers playing around you. Respect for the course by following cart path rules and replacing divots. It's rare to see that much class out on the street at any time - but you can find it at most courses and it's very refreshing.
Quality time. There's no reason to rush on a golf course. Tonight our round lasted almost 4 hours. Which is about normal for me. But even if it went long and went 5 or 6 hours, as long as I had daylight I'd be happy.
Going out and golfing with your friends and family is about face time. These days where I talk to my friends more via email and text message, it's nice to have friendly competition but at the same time tons of face time. You may look at a wait on each tee of the hole as a bit of annoyance, but don't. Spend some time catching up with your buddies. You're in a relaxing environment to do so and all of you should have set the time aside to enjoy the round so there's no need to rush.
Golf gives you the ability to do something that other more strenuous sports might not offer - and that's the ability breathe deep, relax and try to have some fun.
See you out on the links.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Always come in 3s
Is what I've been told about "bad things".
And since I'm a gambling man, I believe in these types of things.
I am superstitious. Because even the scientific haters can't hate on hot streaks. Sure, they can try their best to explain away, and yes there may even be scientific reasons as to why at certain times we perform the way we do - but this isn't a superstitious post...
It's about the bad news I received tonight in regards to our rental property.
We thought everything was going great.
Hardly a peep almost 9 months through a year long lease.
We were excited, thinking we finally had a set of renters that would renew their lease past a full year. They were taking great care of the place, they weren't complaining about anything, they liked us, and most importantly they paid on time.
And then we got the email, informing us in no short order that they weren't sure they could continue making the payments throughout the rest of the lease.
But they also were requesting that they not be evicted. So I'm not sure how this is going to work out. Already we are going to be scrambling again for new renters for the condo. And we always prefer someone we know. Sure, for 9 months these random tenants we found on craigslist worked great. In fact, if they wanted to vacate at the end of the lease I would've said they were the best renters we've ever had.
But I don't know if they can make it.
So chalk that up as "bad thing" #2. #1 being my unemployment that comes in a little over 30 working days.
Before I wrote this post I was trying to think of what #3 would be. Would it be my trip to Vegas where in the 5 large tournaments I played in, 4 of them I got all of my chips in as a 90% favorite and lost each time? Out of a 52 card deck in 4/5 tournaments the person I was up against caught 1 of 3 cards (or less) and was able to beat me. Talk about running bad.
I'm hoping that's #3 because I'm not sure if I could handle something worse than not being able to cover the mortgage on our rental property. Because yes, with my normal working income we could cover our rental property. We wouldn't be saving much, but we could cover it. But once I start receiving that unemployment income we won't be saving at all, and will be coming up hundreds of dollars short every month. Which means one thing - drawing from the savings/retirement accounts. One thing I hadn't planned on, even during unemployment (assuming I do go on unemployment).
*sigh*
So we've got a month and a half to figure out our rental situation now.
This isn't how it's supposed to work. I'm not supposed to keep moving backwards and getting kicked on the way down...
And since I'm a gambling man, I believe in these types of things.
I am superstitious. Because even the scientific haters can't hate on hot streaks. Sure, they can try their best to explain away, and yes there may even be scientific reasons as to why at certain times we perform the way we do - but this isn't a superstitious post...
It's about the bad news I received tonight in regards to our rental property.
We thought everything was going great.
Hardly a peep almost 9 months through a year long lease.
We were excited, thinking we finally had a set of renters that would renew their lease past a full year. They were taking great care of the place, they weren't complaining about anything, they liked us, and most importantly they paid on time.
And then we got the email, informing us in no short order that they weren't sure they could continue making the payments throughout the rest of the lease.
But they also were requesting that they not be evicted. So I'm not sure how this is going to work out. Already we are going to be scrambling again for new renters for the condo. And we always prefer someone we know. Sure, for 9 months these random tenants we found on craigslist worked great. In fact, if they wanted to vacate at the end of the lease I would've said they were the best renters we've ever had.
But I don't know if they can make it.
So chalk that up as "bad thing" #2. #1 being my unemployment that comes in a little over 30 working days.
Before I wrote this post I was trying to think of what #3 would be. Would it be my trip to Vegas where in the 5 large tournaments I played in, 4 of them I got all of my chips in as a 90% favorite and lost each time? Out of a 52 card deck in 4/5 tournaments the person I was up against caught 1 of 3 cards (or less) and was able to beat me. Talk about running bad.
I'm hoping that's #3 because I'm not sure if I could handle something worse than not being able to cover the mortgage on our rental property. Because yes, with my normal working income we could cover our rental property. We wouldn't be saving much, but we could cover it. But once I start receiving that unemployment income we won't be saving at all, and will be coming up hundreds of dollars short every month. Which means one thing - drawing from the savings/retirement accounts. One thing I hadn't planned on, even during unemployment (assuming I do go on unemployment).
*sigh*
So we've got a month and a half to figure out our rental situation now.
This isn't how it's supposed to work. I'm not supposed to keep moving backwards and getting kicked on the way down...
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Lacking Options
I promised I'd stay up to date in regards to the lay off.
It's still coming.
It hasn't been prevented.
As much as I wanted to write a letter to the CEO on how it doesn't make financial sense to lay us off, pay us severance, hire and train completely new people in the same position but in a different area of the country - I didn't.
It's just too late now. And from what I understand they've already made the selections or are in the process of hiring my replacements.
Sick.
So, I've half assed the application and interview process. And the reason being is because I haven't found a job in my "sweet spot". I haven't found something that 1) Has a good commute 2) Pays me a similar amount as to what I am earning now (or a little less) 3) Gives me a solid work life balance (meaning not working over 50 hours a week) and getting off before the sun goes down every night.
And the other reason why I haven't put my full effort in to it is the high likelihood that we'll be relocating down to Charleston during the 2nd half of this summer.
It's hard to take anything seriously when you know that in a couple months you'll probably be leaving anyway.
But the tough part is - if we do end up going to Charleston (which looks like it's 80%+ going to happen) I don't know if I'll have a job down there.
South Carolina was ranked 3rd or 2nd highest in unemployment. That doesn't bode well for an Pacific Islander from out of state. When we lived down there I'm pretty sure I counted 4 other Asian people that I saw. And I am also pretty sure that at least half of them were tourists.
It's not that I have an offer up here. Yes, I have had a few interviews. And now I'm just in the process of waiting. But anything I do get an offer on - if I do get one - I already feel luke warm about. They're jobs that I can't even feel good about - jobs that I'd only be working to pay the bills.
But that's what people like me do when we have bills. We find something that will pay them. And I can always find a way to focus on the good parts of my job too.
So that's it. That's where I stand right now. I almost don't want to get any offers on positions up here because I don't want to make the decision any tougher. Either way I know I'll be back to Seattle sometime in 2010 if we do go to Charleston, however whether or not I'll have a job is another story.
The ideal situation would be if I could find a job with the wife's company down in Charleston and when we get placed back here I could continue working for that company. However, I've also thought of the possibility of finding something up here before we leave and being able to work from here while she works in Charleston. Yes, it's not ideal but it shouldn't be longer than a year and I can take a trip every few weeks to visit her.
Everything is a bit of a mess right now. If I get to thinking about it too much it becomes a bit of a drag, especially knowing that the economy is hurting too and a lot of other people out there in much worse situations than mine are going through the same thing.
I'm sure I'll have an update for everyone over these next 6 and a half working weeks. Yes, that is the amount of time before my lay off day - July 31st. It seems like just 2 weeks ago I received the announcement. Time flies even when I'm not having that much fun.
It's still coming.
It hasn't been prevented.
As much as I wanted to write a letter to the CEO on how it doesn't make financial sense to lay us off, pay us severance, hire and train completely new people in the same position but in a different area of the country - I didn't.
It's just too late now. And from what I understand they've already made the selections or are in the process of hiring my replacements.
Sick.
So, I've half assed the application and interview process. And the reason being is because I haven't found a job in my "sweet spot". I haven't found something that 1) Has a good commute 2) Pays me a similar amount as to what I am earning now (or a little less) 3) Gives me a solid work life balance (meaning not working over 50 hours a week) and getting off before the sun goes down every night.
And the other reason why I haven't put my full effort in to it is the high likelihood that we'll be relocating down to Charleston during the 2nd half of this summer.
It's hard to take anything seriously when you know that in a couple months you'll probably be leaving anyway.
But the tough part is - if we do end up going to Charleston (which looks like it's 80%+ going to happen) I don't know if I'll have a job down there.
South Carolina was ranked 3rd or 2nd highest in unemployment. That doesn't bode well for an Pacific Islander from out of state. When we lived down there I'm pretty sure I counted 4 other Asian people that I saw. And I am also pretty sure that at least half of them were tourists.
It's not that I have an offer up here. Yes, I have had a few interviews. And now I'm just in the process of waiting. But anything I do get an offer on - if I do get one - I already feel luke warm about. They're jobs that I can't even feel good about - jobs that I'd only be working to pay the bills.
But that's what people like me do when we have bills. We find something that will pay them. And I can always find a way to focus on the good parts of my job too.
So that's it. That's where I stand right now. I almost don't want to get any offers on positions up here because I don't want to make the decision any tougher. Either way I know I'll be back to Seattle sometime in 2010 if we do go to Charleston, however whether or not I'll have a job is another story.
The ideal situation would be if I could find a job with the wife's company down in Charleston and when we get placed back here I could continue working for that company. However, I've also thought of the possibility of finding something up here before we leave and being able to work from here while she works in Charleston. Yes, it's not ideal but it shouldn't be longer than a year and I can take a trip every few weeks to visit her.
Everything is a bit of a mess right now. If I get to thinking about it too much it becomes a bit of a drag, especially knowing that the economy is hurting too and a lot of other people out there in much worse situations than mine are going through the same thing.
I'm sure I'll have an update for everyone over these next 6 and a half working weeks. Yes, that is the amount of time before my lay off day - July 31st. It seems like just 2 weeks ago I received the announcement. Time flies even when I'm not having that much fun.
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Rando Post June 2009
Here are my random thoughts for June.
Or at least the first 9 days of it.
For this time around, every thought will start with, "I believe..."
-In the power of prayer. And if not prayer, then at the least a positive mental attitude. The power of self talk and that voice inside your head that won't let you give up.
-That people who take pain killers for your standard every day body aches or headaches are more likely to feel pain than those that just accept those every day pains and allow the body to fight them on their own.
-That we aren't supposed to live to or past the point where we can no longer support or control ourselves.
-That calendars and time were originally created as a way to organize people. And that we are driven like slaves by them now. I believe in my body's natural clock but am forced to live in a world which is run by an unnatural clock.
-That my dreams are trying to tell me something. And that if I wake up in the middle of the dream and I continue thinking about the dream and can fall back asleep my dream continues at the point at which I left off.
-That our ex-boyfriends and girlfriends think about us as often as we think about them.
-That our lives are run too much by fear, greed and guilt. And we need more confidence, generosity and forgiveness.
-That one of our greatest strengths as human beings is the ability to adapt.
-That the media has grown ever larger, while real conversation has grown ever smaller. At first I think the media (TV, Movies, Music, Internet) served as a bit of a distraction from our every day lives. Now we can't live without them and avoid interaction by using them as outlets.
-That every overweight person has another smaller, healthier person inside of them waiting to get out.
-That there are truly beautiful women out there. Women who don't need anything artificial but still look stunning.
-That more efficiency means less jobs. And in a world where almost everything we need is provided and everything we could want is automated how will we differentiate ourselves? I believe that individualism is beginning to be a tough sell.
-That working for my food - planting and growing fruits and vegetables, hunting, fishing and farming - instead of working to pay for my food seems like a much more rewarding lifestyle.
-That a few drinks every so often is healthier for me than not drinking at all.
I think this list had "too large" of beliefs on it. I think my next "I believe" post will have smaller ones on it.
Or at least the first 9 days of it.
For this time around, every thought will start with, "I believe..."
-In the power of prayer. And if not prayer, then at the least a positive mental attitude. The power of self talk and that voice inside your head that won't let you give up.
-That people who take pain killers for your standard every day body aches or headaches are more likely to feel pain than those that just accept those every day pains and allow the body to fight them on their own.
-That we aren't supposed to live to or past the point where we can no longer support or control ourselves.
-That calendars and time were originally created as a way to organize people. And that we are driven like slaves by them now. I believe in my body's natural clock but am forced to live in a world which is run by an unnatural clock.
-That my dreams are trying to tell me something. And that if I wake up in the middle of the dream and I continue thinking about the dream and can fall back asleep my dream continues at the point at which I left off.
-That our ex-boyfriends and girlfriends think about us as often as we think about them.
-That our lives are run too much by fear, greed and guilt. And we need more confidence, generosity and forgiveness.
-That one of our greatest strengths as human beings is the ability to adapt.
-That the media has grown ever larger, while real conversation has grown ever smaller. At first I think the media (TV, Movies, Music, Internet) served as a bit of a distraction from our every day lives. Now we can't live without them and avoid interaction by using them as outlets.
-That every overweight person has another smaller, healthier person inside of them waiting to get out.
-That there are truly beautiful women out there. Women who don't need anything artificial but still look stunning.
-That more efficiency means less jobs. And in a world where almost everything we need is provided and everything we could want is automated how will we differentiate ourselves? I believe that individualism is beginning to be a tough sell.
-That working for my food - planting and growing fruits and vegetables, hunting, fishing and farming - instead of working to pay for my food seems like a much more rewarding lifestyle.
-That a few drinks every so often is healthier for me than not drinking at all.
I think this list had "too large" of beliefs on it. I think my next "I believe" post will have smaller ones on it.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Vegas
It's been much too long.
The 3 year ban has been lifted.
The last time I was in Vegas was August of 2006 for my bachelor party.
And after the physical, mental and financial abuse I took I swore it off.
Here we are, May 2009 and I've made it. Sure, I had the opportunity to go. Plane tickets were always cheap.
But I wanted there to be a reason to really go back.
And now I have it.
Starting Saturday, May 30th at noon will be Event #4 of the World Series of Poker. It's my first time playing the World Series of Poker and I am so excited.
I'll be going with my dad too, who amazingly is a pretty good poker player. I have visions of us meeting at the final table on Tuesday and having a ridiculous time.
I plan on getting 4th in the tournament which should pay at least $150K. Don't ask me why I'm shooting for 4th, for some reason it just has a nice sound to it. Almost as if winning the thing is too hard. Like 4th out of 6,000 people isn't hard enough.
But at the least, it will be a great way to spend some of my vacation and hopefully my dad or I can beat the masses (preferably both).
Hopefully you'll be seeing us on ESPN in a few months.
May all our straights be flushes.
The 3 year ban has been lifted.
The last time I was in Vegas was August of 2006 for my bachelor party.
And after the physical, mental and financial abuse I took I swore it off.
Here we are, May 2009 and I've made it. Sure, I had the opportunity to go. Plane tickets were always cheap.
But I wanted there to be a reason to really go back.
And now I have it.
Starting Saturday, May 30th at noon will be Event #4 of the World Series of Poker. It's my first time playing the World Series of Poker and I am so excited.
I'll be going with my dad too, who amazingly is a pretty good poker player. I have visions of us meeting at the final table on Tuesday and having a ridiculous time.
I plan on getting 4th in the tournament which should pay at least $150K. Don't ask me why I'm shooting for 4th, for some reason it just has a nice sound to it. Almost as if winning the thing is too hard. Like 4th out of 6,000 people isn't hard enough.
But at the least, it will be a great way to spend some of my vacation and hopefully my dad or I can beat the masses (preferably both).
Hopefully you'll be seeing us on ESPN in a few months.
May all our straights be flushes.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
I hate effing losing
Can't stand it.
Absolutely terrible feeling.
And the worst part about it is that almost everyone has to lose.
When it comes to sporting events that have a playoff structure, at the end of it all there can only be 1 winner.
That means everyone else that has played has lost. That's not very good odds for everyone else playing.
And even knowing that, I still haven't come to grips with it.
Sure, I've gotten better over the past few years. I don't fly in to drunken rages and take it out on the nearest bystander. No, now it's just a matter of taking a few hours to myself - thinking about the things I did wrong, the things I did right, and promising myself to do better next time.
But that's still a problem. A few hours.
The thing about playing in rec leagues is they usually only play once a week. Which means that when you lose you have to wait an entire week - sometimes more with the holiday weekend coming up - to redeem yourself.
One of the basketball teams I'm on has been on a bit of a losing streak. Sure, we've played some of the strongest teams in the league, but at the same time we've lost a few of the games on shots that were either made or missed in the last 5 seconds or less.
Just absolutely heart breaking.
And I can't help but blame myself. I can always point to plays I made when we lose by 3 or less and say, "This game was on me. I let my team down. I let myself down." And that kind of mentality is so hard to break from.
I've woken up the next morning after games and still been in a funk. That's how bad it is for me. And people have told me, "It's just a game." Yes. It is just a game. But it's a game I look forward to all week - and the day of the game it's all I can think about. And a few hours before? Nervous energy sets in. Nothing is right until I'm out there sprinting...sweating.
Also, I've always said, "Losers lose and winners win." Why is that? As soon as you start losing you start to point fingers. You question things that worked before while you were winning. You retool, you rebuild, you try your best to change. Whether or not it works is always questionable - but as soon as that seed of doubt is planted your head starts to hang a little bit lower and the ball just doesn't seem to bounce your way. This is why in every type of sporting event we see amazing runs of streaks. When a team continues to lose they keep digging themselves further in to that hole.
And maybe being so hurt by losing makes winning that much sweeter? I think that's definitely possible.
Another bright side to losing is the strong motivation for me to get better. When I lift, when I run, when I practice I think about "the other guys". How we lost because the other guys beat me to the ball, because they out hustled and out worked me. How I wasn't ready for them.
No, I'm not going to let any more people embarrass me.
I've found that there's nothing better than self talk when it comes to helping me work out. Just that image in my head of the losing score up on the board is enough to drive me to exhaustion.
I understand that losing is part of playing.
Doesn't make it any easier to stomach.
So the losing stops now. Time to turn it around.
Absolutely terrible feeling.
And the worst part about it is that almost everyone has to lose.
When it comes to sporting events that have a playoff structure, at the end of it all there can only be 1 winner.
That means everyone else that has played has lost. That's not very good odds for everyone else playing.
And even knowing that, I still haven't come to grips with it.
Sure, I've gotten better over the past few years. I don't fly in to drunken rages and take it out on the nearest bystander. No, now it's just a matter of taking a few hours to myself - thinking about the things I did wrong, the things I did right, and promising myself to do better next time.
But that's still a problem. A few hours.
The thing about playing in rec leagues is they usually only play once a week. Which means that when you lose you have to wait an entire week - sometimes more with the holiday weekend coming up - to redeem yourself.
One of the basketball teams I'm on has been on a bit of a losing streak. Sure, we've played some of the strongest teams in the league, but at the same time we've lost a few of the games on shots that were either made or missed in the last 5 seconds or less.
Just absolutely heart breaking.
And I can't help but blame myself. I can always point to plays I made when we lose by 3 or less and say, "This game was on me. I let my team down. I let myself down." And that kind of mentality is so hard to break from.
I've woken up the next morning after games and still been in a funk. That's how bad it is for me. And people have told me, "It's just a game." Yes. It is just a game. But it's a game I look forward to all week - and the day of the game it's all I can think about. And a few hours before? Nervous energy sets in. Nothing is right until I'm out there sprinting...sweating.
Also, I've always said, "Losers lose and winners win." Why is that? As soon as you start losing you start to point fingers. You question things that worked before while you were winning. You retool, you rebuild, you try your best to change. Whether or not it works is always questionable - but as soon as that seed of doubt is planted your head starts to hang a little bit lower and the ball just doesn't seem to bounce your way. This is why in every type of sporting event we see amazing runs of streaks. When a team continues to lose they keep digging themselves further in to that hole.
And maybe being so hurt by losing makes winning that much sweeter? I think that's definitely possible.
Another bright side to losing is the strong motivation for me to get better. When I lift, when I run, when I practice I think about "the other guys". How we lost because the other guys beat me to the ball, because they out hustled and out worked me. How I wasn't ready for them.
No, I'm not going to let any more people embarrass me.
I've found that there's nothing better than self talk when it comes to helping me work out. Just that image in my head of the losing score up on the board is enough to drive me to exhaustion.
I understand that losing is part of playing.
Doesn't make it any easier to stomach.
So the losing stops now. Time to turn it around.
Thursday, May 07, 2009
I Always Feel Like...Somebody's Watching Me
I don't want to sleep.
I'm tired. But I don't want to go. I am so tired that it seems more tiring to me to have to stand up - actually back up - log out of my google profile, close my laptop, put the laptop on the table, stand up, get my phone, turn off the lamp, walk upstairs, brush my teeth, and then get in bed - all of that seems harder than actually writing this post.
I like staying up late on Thursday nights. I'm energetic on Fridays because I know I don't have to save any energy for the weekend. Not really though because weekends are pretty tiring too. But at least I'm not sitting in a freaking computer chair all day on Saturday and Sunday. I can be sitting on the couch instead. And rarely do I have to focus. So the anticipation, the excitement, whatever it is. It seems to balance out with how late I stay up on Thursday nights.
And sometimes I think that being really tired throughout the day - not tired enough to just fall asleep - but enough to struggle actually makes the day go by faster. You yawn a lot, you're so tired that you just don't think about much and don't put much effort in to anything. It's nice. I've had that theory since college. Never confirmed it with anyone else though as to whether or not it works.
I have really tried to cut down the time on my showers. It's not working. I know what my problem is. I like to shower too much. Sometimes I'll just sit around trying to get cold before I take a shower. Because I like to take a hot shower. Even in summer. But that's the worst. Maybe not the worst, but it's pretty terrible. Taking a shower to clean off all the sweat that's been baked on you from the day's heat only to get out of the shower sweating because for some reason you took a really hot shower even though it's still 87 degrees inside your house. Cause God knows the cold showers don't really work either - you're cold and miserable while you're in the shower but once you step out it's still a freaking sauna in your house.
Sounds like someone needs air conditioning.
Today I ate crap. 2 eggos for breakfast. Leftover mexican food for lunch...combined with mash potatoes and gravy and fried chicken from KFC. Not really combined, but uhhh...as a side dish? I really didn't have enough leftovers from either meal to make a total meal - so it was a mish mash hodgepodge of sorts. Then, when the wife got home we were trying to think of what to do for dinner seeing as how our grocery shopping over the weekend had once again failed us and we really only had enough food for about 4 meals, half of which I ate during the week for my lunch.
I suggested "Burger or Asian food". I really wanted asian food. Anything. Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Mongolian. But it's a rare day when she's up for it. I should've taken her up on the Mongolian request last weekend. Bad choice on my part. She of course chose burger. So throw a burgermaster burger and fries dipped in tartar sauce on to my "crap I ate today" list.
Previous life me would've never thought twice. Would have never kept this food journal in his head. Would have never felt a twinge of guilt. In fact, previous me would've laughed and said, "Have a few beers to wash it down! Then let's go get 4th meal."
In fact, my stomach is growling right now. Guess I shouldn't have stayed up.
So
Embarassingly, I did step aerobics through On Demand. Yes. Comcast offers excercise TV On Demand. And previously I had only used it for the ab workouts - which are killer because my GD core is so GD weak.
I wanted to go play basketball at the local court but I didn't want to leave the house (swine flu). I really wanted to hit the punching bag and jump rope. But that would mean I would have to move the car out - and hitting the bag like I do makes some serious noise. Even without my "I will destroy your face" music blaring in the garage. Then since I didn't do the boxing thing I wanted to go for a run...but the sun had already set and I hate running in the dark. Always excuses.
So there I was, marching in place to the TV, learning a whole series of movements to get my "heartrate up and melting away that fat!". Never understanding how trainers can yell out directions on what to do next through a set of smiling pearly whites.
Seriously - I had to stop. About 20 minutes in to the 30 minute program, I imagined someone watching me do this and immediately felt ridiculous. I had also barely worked up a sweat since the moves weren't that challenging either. I guess "cardio fat burn" meant, "If you're really fat here is some (quote unquote) 'cardio' that you can do which is so much better for you than eating those pork rinds in bed" but they just didn't have enough room to put that in the description of the program. I guess.
I know I am doing the right thing by my body. Watching what I eat and feeling guilty about not working out. But there is a certain line that I might have crossed over tonight...I feel like the guy who wears a speedo out to the beach for the first time.
Not really, but maybe someday I'll know that feeling. We all have dreams right.
Until then, just say no to step aerobics.
I'm tired. But I don't want to go. I am so tired that it seems more tiring to me to have to stand up - actually back up - log out of my google profile, close my laptop, put the laptop on the table, stand up, get my phone, turn off the lamp, walk upstairs, brush my teeth, and then get in bed - all of that seems harder than actually writing this post.
I like staying up late on Thursday nights. I'm energetic on Fridays because I know I don't have to save any energy for the weekend. Not really though because weekends are pretty tiring too. But at least I'm not sitting in a freaking computer chair all day on Saturday and Sunday. I can be sitting on the couch instead. And rarely do I have to focus. So the anticipation, the excitement, whatever it is. It seems to balance out with how late I stay up on Thursday nights.
And sometimes I think that being really tired throughout the day - not tired enough to just fall asleep - but enough to struggle actually makes the day go by faster. You yawn a lot, you're so tired that you just don't think about much and don't put much effort in to anything. It's nice. I've had that theory since college. Never confirmed it with anyone else though as to whether or not it works.
I have really tried to cut down the time on my showers. It's not working. I know what my problem is. I like to shower too much. Sometimes I'll just sit around trying to get cold before I take a shower. Because I like to take a hot shower. Even in summer. But that's the worst. Maybe not the worst, but it's pretty terrible. Taking a shower to clean off all the sweat that's been baked on you from the day's heat only to get out of the shower sweating because for some reason you took a really hot shower even though it's still 87 degrees inside your house. Cause God knows the cold showers don't really work either - you're cold and miserable while you're in the shower but once you step out it's still a freaking sauna in your house.
Sounds like someone needs air conditioning.
Today I ate crap. 2 eggos for breakfast. Leftover mexican food for lunch...combined with mash potatoes and gravy and fried chicken from KFC. Not really combined, but uhhh...as a side dish? I really didn't have enough leftovers from either meal to make a total meal - so it was a mish mash hodgepodge of sorts. Then, when the wife got home we were trying to think of what to do for dinner seeing as how our grocery shopping over the weekend had once again failed us and we really only had enough food for about 4 meals, half of which I ate during the week for my lunch.
I suggested "Burger or Asian food". I really wanted asian food. Anything. Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Mongolian. But it's a rare day when she's up for it. I should've taken her up on the Mongolian request last weekend. Bad choice on my part. She of course chose burger. So throw a burgermaster burger and fries dipped in tartar sauce on to my "crap I ate today" list.
Previous life me would've never thought twice. Would have never kept this food journal in his head. Would have never felt a twinge of guilt. In fact, previous me would've laughed and said, "Have a few beers to wash it down! Then let's go get 4th meal."
In fact, my stomach is growling right now. Guess I shouldn't have stayed up.
So
Embarassingly, I did step aerobics through On Demand. Yes. Comcast offers excercise TV On Demand. And previously I had only used it for the ab workouts - which are killer because my GD core is so GD weak.
I wanted to go play basketball at the local court but I didn't want to leave the house (swine flu). I really wanted to hit the punching bag and jump rope. But that would mean I would have to move the car out - and hitting the bag like I do makes some serious noise. Even without my "I will destroy your face" music blaring in the garage. Then since I didn't do the boxing thing I wanted to go for a run...but the sun had already set and I hate running in the dark. Always excuses.
So there I was, marching in place to the TV, learning a whole series of movements to get my "heartrate up and melting away that fat!". Never understanding how trainers can yell out directions on what to do next through a set of smiling pearly whites.
Seriously - I had to stop. About 20 minutes in to the 30 minute program, I imagined someone watching me do this and immediately felt ridiculous. I had also barely worked up a sweat since the moves weren't that challenging either. I guess "cardio fat burn" meant, "If you're really fat here is some (quote unquote) 'cardio' that you can do which is so much better for you than eating those pork rinds in bed" but they just didn't have enough room to put that in the description of the program. I guess.
I know I am doing the right thing by my body. Watching what I eat and feeling guilty about not working out. But there is a certain line that I might have crossed over tonight...I feel like the guy who wears a speedo out to the beach for the first time.
Not really, but maybe someday I'll know that feeling. We all have dreams right.
Until then, just say no to step aerobics.
Sunday, May 03, 2009
4 years ago
4 years ago - not to the day, I started writing on a computer.
I started writing in notepad - because it was something to pass the time while I was at work. There is only so much you can talk to your coworkers and sure, there's plenty of web surfing I could do, but that's looked down upon. Not considered, "Business use." And because of that, I started writing.
What came of all that writing was this blog.
It was a way for me to ramble on about my life, a way to pass the time, and many times served as a way to calm myself down. Get out all my thoughts before bed, or clear my head during a stressful time.
Now, soon to be without that job, I'm not sure if I'll be writing anymore. Can I really keep this blog when my day to day activities M-F aren't the same? My routine will be changing a lot (I'm assuming) in the coming months.
I wanted to turn this in to an unemployment blog. The things I'm thinking. How I felt cheated after I actually put effort in to my position.
How I feel helpless now, but a majority of the time I forget about what's happening and just continue living like I have over the past 4 years. Always knowing that when I wake up tomorrow morning on Monday that I've got a job to do, that will continue to pay the bills. It's not that I forget, it's just that I can't continue thinking about it. It's pointless.
I wanted to write about how all of the resumes I've sent in, all the applications I've filled out - how I honestly feel like they'll all end up in the trash somewhere. Virtual trash. And knowing that is very disheartening. That I'm not valuable enough to be head hunted (or not laid off at least) and that there are plenty of other people out there just as hungry for those jobs as I am if not more.
I don't want to go through signing up for new benefits. I don't want to have to change my schedule. I don't want to commute. I don't want to lose my 6 weeks of vacation. I don't want to learn all about my new coworkers wives and husbands and their hobbies. I don't want to have to wear a tie. Or a suit.
But I'll suck it up and do what needs to be done. Because adults take care of their responsibilities.
And I have been an adult for some time.
But the past few weeks have been tough.
I don't know if this happens to you or not, but sometimes while I'm reading a book I might be thinking about something else. My eyes move over the words on the page, but they don't mean anything to me. They're just a sequence of words. And I have to read that paragraph, or that entire page over again to really focus and understand what I just read.
That's what the past 2 weeks have felt like at work. Just going through the motions. Working only because of the slight chance I might continue working for the same company. Working only because they'll continue to pay me. Working only to keep my severance at the end of July.
Eyes glazed over. Nothing processing. Completely turned off upstairs.
Back to the void tomorrow morning.
I started writing in notepad - because it was something to pass the time while I was at work. There is only so much you can talk to your coworkers and sure, there's plenty of web surfing I could do, but that's looked down upon. Not considered, "Business use." And because of that, I started writing.
What came of all that writing was this blog.
It was a way for me to ramble on about my life, a way to pass the time, and many times served as a way to calm myself down. Get out all my thoughts before bed, or clear my head during a stressful time.
Now, soon to be without that job, I'm not sure if I'll be writing anymore. Can I really keep this blog when my day to day activities M-F aren't the same? My routine will be changing a lot (I'm assuming) in the coming months.
I wanted to turn this in to an unemployment blog. The things I'm thinking. How I felt cheated after I actually put effort in to my position.
How I feel helpless now, but a majority of the time I forget about what's happening and just continue living like I have over the past 4 years. Always knowing that when I wake up tomorrow morning on Monday that I've got a job to do, that will continue to pay the bills. It's not that I forget, it's just that I can't continue thinking about it. It's pointless.
I wanted to write about how all of the resumes I've sent in, all the applications I've filled out - how I honestly feel like they'll all end up in the trash somewhere. Virtual trash. And knowing that is very disheartening. That I'm not valuable enough to be head hunted (or not laid off at least) and that there are plenty of other people out there just as hungry for those jobs as I am if not more.
I don't want to go through signing up for new benefits. I don't want to have to change my schedule. I don't want to commute. I don't want to lose my 6 weeks of vacation. I don't want to learn all about my new coworkers wives and husbands and their hobbies. I don't want to have to wear a tie. Or a suit.
But I'll suck it up and do what needs to be done. Because adults take care of their responsibilities.
And I have been an adult for some time.
But the past few weeks have been tough.
I don't know if this happens to you or not, but sometimes while I'm reading a book I might be thinking about something else. My eyes move over the words on the page, but they don't mean anything to me. They're just a sequence of words. And I have to read that paragraph, or that entire page over again to really focus and understand what I just read.
That's what the past 2 weeks have felt like at work. Just going through the motions. Working only because of the slight chance I might continue working for the same company. Working only because they'll continue to pay me. Working only to keep my severance at the end of July.
Eyes glazed over. Nothing processing. Completely turned off upstairs.
Back to the void tomorrow morning.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Redefining Freedom
When I think of the word freedom, I think of the freedom of speech. The ability to move about freely and do whatever I would like to (typically within the law) without facing any hassle.
I never looked at having a job as freedom.
I thought I was giving up my freedom in return for money. In turn giving me the ability to enjoy much more freedom once I could be financially free, or to enhance the time that I had to use my freedom when I wasn't working.
On Friday afternoon, a day after my 27th birthday, I found out that the company I had given my first few years out of college to was getting rid of me. As I sit right now my final day with the company is July 31st. After that I have a few more months of severance pay and whatever else I have left saved over from the vacation I haven't used. I was shocked. Dumbfounded. I kept wondering if the announcement I had just been a part of had really happened.
And in an instant my definition of freedom was permanently altered.
For some reason I figured I was safe. The acquisition had cleared and those that were set to be laid off had already received their notices.
Also, I thought the company would need somebody in my position. I thought I was working in a necessary role. I thought.
But, it was a "business decision". I knew our office was closing, I just figured I could continue working virtually, or if I had to, I could relocate to a new building.
Instead they decided to chop us all off with an axe.
I had it all planned out too. There were people in my department that had worked the same job for years - many more than I had put in. Never wanting to move, or possibly wanting to and not having the ability. But really, how tough was my job? How bad was it that I could continue to receive raises and project my financial life out over the next 3, 5 or 10 years from now?
I had drawn a parabolic line. One that gradually rose over time never stopping to think it could all come to an abrupt end.
Sure, in my mind I had run the risk of disasters. Flood. Fire. Health problems. Debilitating car accident. Life is completely random and I don't plan for these types of things, but as an adult I understand they happen and I can try my best to deal with them when they occur.
But do you see something missing on that list? What about unemployment? I never thought twice about it because I've never not had a job. From the moment I needed money, I worked. And it was just something I did.
So maybe that's the reason why this hasn't hit me like a wheel barrow full of bricks yet. Because I know that I'll be able to find something - hopefully soon - that I can live with as my next job. That the imaginary line I have in my head doesn't have to have a big break in the middle of 2009. Every few hours though I'll get to thinking about it too much and it's like the knife continues to turn and stab away at my insides.
I've told friends and family not to start worrying until 2010. A full 7 months from now. Which by then, if I haven't found a new job, will be time to panic.
The wife is extremely optimistic, which is interesting to me. She spins a completely different perspective on the issue - that this will be an opportunity for me. And that it was time for me to stop slacking off. Not that she said that, but it's how I feel.
So this is how I am redefining my freedom. I am including security and stability. Having that steady income. That paycheck every two weeks. I see more freedom in a job now than I ever did. Because when I have my finances taken care of - when I am comfortable with that imaginary line again - when I can plan my vacation dates 9 months from now and not worry whether or not I'll have a job at that time - that's the next time I'll feel free again.
I never looked at having a job as freedom.
I thought I was giving up my freedom in return for money. In turn giving me the ability to enjoy much more freedom once I could be financially free, or to enhance the time that I had to use my freedom when I wasn't working.
On Friday afternoon, a day after my 27th birthday, I found out that the company I had given my first few years out of college to was getting rid of me. As I sit right now my final day with the company is July 31st. After that I have a few more months of severance pay and whatever else I have left saved over from the vacation I haven't used. I was shocked. Dumbfounded. I kept wondering if the announcement I had just been a part of had really happened.
And in an instant my definition of freedom was permanently altered.
For some reason I figured I was safe. The acquisition had cleared and those that were set to be laid off had already received their notices.
Also, I thought the company would need somebody in my position. I thought I was working in a necessary role. I thought.
But, it was a "business decision". I knew our office was closing, I just figured I could continue working virtually, or if I had to, I could relocate to a new building.
Instead they decided to chop us all off with an axe.
I had it all planned out too. There were people in my department that had worked the same job for years - many more than I had put in. Never wanting to move, or possibly wanting to and not having the ability. But really, how tough was my job? How bad was it that I could continue to receive raises and project my financial life out over the next 3, 5 or 10 years from now?
I had drawn a parabolic line. One that gradually rose over time never stopping to think it could all come to an abrupt end.
Sure, in my mind I had run the risk of disasters. Flood. Fire. Health problems. Debilitating car accident. Life is completely random and I don't plan for these types of things, but as an adult I understand they happen and I can try my best to deal with them when they occur.
But do you see something missing on that list? What about unemployment? I never thought twice about it because I've never not had a job. From the moment I needed money, I worked. And it was just something I did.
So maybe that's the reason why this hasn't hit me like a wheel barrow full of bricks yet. Because I know that I'll be able to find something - hopefully soon - that I can live with as my next job. That the imaginary line I have in my head doesn't have to have a big break in the middle of 2009. Every few hours though I'll get to thinking about it too much and it's like the knife continues to turn and stab away at my insides.
I've told friends and family not to start worrying until 2010. A full 7 months from now. Which by then, if I haven't found a new job, will be time to panic.
The wife is extremely optimistic, which is interesting to me. She spins a completely different perspective on the issue - that this will be an opportunity for me. And that it was time for me to stop slacking off. Not that she said that, but it's how I feel.
So this is how I am redefining my freedom. I am including security and stability. Having that steady income. That paycheck every two weeks. I see more freedom in a job now than I ever did. Because when I have my finances taken care of - when I am comfortable with that imaginary line again - when I can plan my vacation dates 9 months from now and not worry whether or not I'll have a job at that time - that's the next time I'll feel free again.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Perfection
I think my posts are getting shorter because of twitter.
Suddenly, I don't feel the requirement to write for at least 30 minutes.
In fact, I feel like twitter is counting my number of characters down...slowly coming down to a negative number and not allowing me to update because I've gone over the max number of updates.
This afternoon, the sun came out to greet all of us.
It felt like a Friday.
I got off early from work. It is so beautiful to not have to put in 8 hours of work. Only 4. To go to lunch but realize you don't have to go back.
How do you beat that?
Maybe calling in sick the next day. Maybe.
But I was worried about the clouds. The rain. There was 30% chance of rain today, but I never felt a drop.
Completely the opposite. The skies opened up. And we looked for parking.
China town. Under the viaduct. Sodo. Back to China town.
Sure it was frustrating. But at the same time we were driving around with the sun roof open an enjoying the sites. Or at least I was.
Then, the beer. Multiple beers. Beer, sun, and just cold enough to not sweat.
Then, finally, surrounded by great friends you watch opening day. The 10th inning. We come through with a walk off error.
Buzzing. Happy. Sitting in the sun.
Nothing but smiles and jokes.
Perfect opening day.
Go Mariners!
Suddenly, I don't feel the requirement to write for at least 30 minutes.
In fact, I feel like twitter is counting my number of characters down...slowly coming down to a negative number and not allowing me to update because I've gone over the max number of updates.
This afternoon, the sun came out to greet all of us.
It felt like a Friday.
I got off early from work. It is so beautiful to not have to put in 8 hours of work. Only 4. To go to lunch but realize you don't have to go back.
How do you beat that?
Maybe calling in sick the next day. Maybe.
But I was worried about the clouds. The rain. There was 30% chance of rain today, but I never felt a drop.
Completely the opposite. The skies opened up. And we looked for parking.
China town. Under the viaduct. Sodo. Back to China town.
Sure it was frustrating. But at the same time we were driving around with the sun roof open an enjoying the sites. Or at least I was.
Then, the beer. Multiple beers. Beer, sun, and just cold enough to not sweat.
Then, finally, surrounded by great friends you watch opening day. The 10th inning. We come through with a walk off error.
Buzzing. Happy. Sitting in the sun.
Nothing but smiles and jokes.
Perfect opening day.
Go Mariners!
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
Fuck It
Today was going alright.
Just fine.
Until I got home from a meeting with a Key Bank retirement specialist and realized that I was disappointed and partly angry.
So I popped open a couple beers.
And drank to let out a little bit. Lately, I can't be fucking angry without having a few drinks. I bottle it up while I'm sober, never let go, until I feel like I can let loose a little bit.
We're looking at a majority rollover for my dad.
My dad, who, over 40 years of working has put away less than $2500 per year. And yes, that even includes a match from his company that is giving away free money, matching dollar for dollar up to $15,000 a year.
Thank God for my mom. She's going to keep working to keep the family afloat. Because without her my dad would run out of money pretty quickly.
As I'm assuming many of the baby boomer generation will be doing here shortly. Sure, you can retire. I mean, yeah, you're over 60. Good for you, you've worked for 40 years or more. But what do you have to show for it? Can you live off of social security alone? I'm not so sure.
So I had a few drinks. Ate dinner. Held it in.
And now?
I feel like a masochist.
Every so often, I think about burning it all down. I'm not sure if anyone else has the same thoughts.
Leave the life. Forget about the mortgage and the rest of the bills. Withdraw the entire retirement fund and head to Vegas.
Drink exorbitant amounts. Make a mess of myself. Lose it all and get back to reality amidst a fog of shame. Even still, I might have felt like I had "cleaned the slate". Give myself a chance to "reset".
But I don't have the freedom to do that. I mean, I guess I do. But would I ever do it? Probably not.
What is the point though? Is the point to, nearing the "Golden Years" of your life, be sitting in front of a banker offering you a 3% return on your money for the rest of your life? Is that the point? After all those years - all that time spent busting your ass in your so-called "career" only to be basically given a number that you're supposed to "enjoy" for the rest of your life?
I had a hard time not taking it out on the wife and the dog tonight.
Venting on here has helped though.
But in the end?
Fuck it.
Just fine.
Until I got home from a meeting with a Key Bank retirement specialist and realized that I was disappointed and partly angry.
So I popped open a couple beers.
And drank to let out a little bit. Lately, I can't be fucking angry without having a few drinks. I bottle it up while I'm sober, never let go, until I feel like I can let loose a little bit.
We're looking at a majority rollover for my dad.
My dad, who, over 40 years of working has put away less than $2500 per year. And yes, that even includes a match from his company that is giving away free money, matching dollar for dollar up to $15,000 a year.
Thank God for my mom. She's going to keep working to keep the family afloat. Because without her my dad would run out of money pretty quickly.
As I'm assuming many of the baby boomer generation will be doing here shortly. Sure, you can retire. I mean, yeah, you're over 60. Good for you, you've worked for 40 years or more. But what do you have to show for it? Can you live off of social security alone? I'm not so sure.
So I had a few drinks. Ate dinner. Held it in.
And now?
I feel like a masochist.
Every so often, I think about burning it all down. I'm not sure if anyone else has the same thoughts.
Leave the life. Forget about the mortgage and the rest of the bills. Withdraw the entire retirement fund and head to Vegas.
Drink exorbitant amounts. Make a mess of myself. Lose it all and get back to reality amidst a fog of shame. Even still, I might have felt like I had "cleaned the slate". Give myself a chance to "reset".
But I don't have the freedom to do that. I mean, I guess I do. But would I ever do it? Probably not.
What is the point though? Is the point to, nearing the "Golden Years" of your life, be sitting in front of a banker offering you a 3% return on your money for the rest of your life? Is that the point? After all those years - all that time spent busting your ass in your so-called "career" only to be basically given a number that you're supposed to "enjoy" for the rest of your life?
I had a hard time not taking it out on the wife and the dog tonight.
Venting on here has helped though.
But in the end?
Fuck it.
Thursday, April 02, 2009
The Home Run Ball
The league average of home runs per at bat is roughly 4%.
Sounds about right.
In every life there is a chance at the home run ball.
But the only way to get there is to take a step up to the plate.
I've been fouling off a lot of balls lately. And sure, I'm solid with a single or a double here and there. But just as often I've been caught looking with men in scoring position - or have been seen hitting in to an easy 6-4-3 double play.
Where's my home run ball? I feel like I've been thrown some meaty pitches, but never had the guts to swing away. Or I was early and pulled it foul, maybe swung too low and hit a towering pop up.
But for some reason I continue get back in the box and dig my toes in. Thinking that maybe this time around I'll hit that walk off.
It's all I know how to do, even though sometimes I feel like just riding the pine while everyone else gets all the glory.
I want to be part of that 4%.
Sounds about right.
In every life there is a chance at the home run ball.
But the only way to get there is to take a step up to the plate.
I've been fouling off a lot of balls lately. And sure, I'm solid with a single or a double here and there. But just as often I've been caught looking with men in scoring position - or have been seen hitting in to an easy 6-4-3 double play.
Where's my home run ball? I feel like I've been thrown some meaty pitches, but never had the guts to swing away. Or I was early and pulled it foul, maybe swung too low and hit a towering pop up.
But for some reason I continue get back in the box and dig my toes in. Thinking that maybe this time around I'll hit that walk off.
It's all I know how to do, even though sometimes I feel like just riding the pine while everyone else gets all the glory.
I want to be part of that 4%.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Rough Day
It's weird.
Thursdays used to be my favorite day of the week. Mainly because I still had the UW business school mentality: Fridays off. 3 day weekends.
And I was able to pull that through the past few years. Every now and then I'll bump in to a bad one though. We all do.
So, [vent]
This morning I woke up 40 minutes before my alarm went off, even after not being able to sleep until about an hour after I usually go to sleep. I've been sleeping in the past few days so I guess one day without much sleep isn't that big of a deal. I hope I don't make it 2 in a row tonight.
Anyway, I wake up yawning. A lot. I hate that.
Sit down at the computer to call Countrywide. My home lender for the investment property. After 15 minutes of a hold time, I finally get through to Josh. Yes. That is his real name. I didn't get his lats name unfortunately, but he was a condescending dick.
I was just calling to check the rate on investment properties. All I wanted was the rate for a 30 year fixed. And kept throwing numbers at me. Left and right. Telling me that if I had an "interest and principal payment"...WTF? What kind of loan are you referring to? I'm only looking for a 30 year fixed. Then I get in to an argument with him about rates in regards to the fed buying up the t-notes. Awesome.
Anyway, the end result is that I find out that the rate is a bit higher than it was a month ago when I last checked them - which makes absolutely no sense to me seeing as how the fed is buying up the t-notes. I come to find out that instead of a $140 difference in my mortgage a month later I am being offered a $60 difference. A difference of $960 a year.
Dicked.
All while this conversation is going on, I am thinking of selling out of my UNG. Nat gas April options. I had done well, buying in at $15 and getting ready to sell if we broke over $18...again. See, it had broken over $18 last week, but unfortunately I couldn't sell any of it because I was on my way to the first round of the big dance. In a car. Without internet access.
Why was I thinking of selling? Because they were going to reporting inventory numbers today and I knew I shouldn't hold through it. I got effing greedy. And because of that, I paid. It hurts to lose more than a paycheck in a day. A lot.
Top that off with me shorting the market throughout the day and not working? Yeah, that was a lot of fun.
And work today was a bitch. I mean, really, it wasn't. But why, on my worst days, do I have to end the day with the most frustrating of situations? Why can't I get that before lunch so I can take lunch to cool off? It's murphy's law.
So I finally get off work. The plan was to drink a few beers and watch the game. The beers fell through. I had placed a few bets on the games and just like the rest of my day the first game was fucking me over.
The lid was on the hoop for Purdue. I had a 4 way parlay that would've paid me some of my monthly paycheck back that I had lost earlier in the morning...that missed by 3 points because of STUPID Purdue. Well UConn too. But they did their part by putting up 72. I only needed 63 from Purdue. But NOPE.
Luckily I made 4 other separate bets, of course, 3 of which hit so sportsbetting it was only a down $10 day. No biggie. Still, it should have been a much more successful day sportsbetting than it actually was.
Cringing from the ugly first game of UConn/Purdue I decided to go shoot some hoops. Control my own play.
Something must have happened throughout the day. The day had gotten to my head, in turn affecting my shot. Every shot was short. I considered myself lucky when shots would go in. I played against a guy with long fingernails and he scratched the hell out of my arm.
I left before everyone else from the gym with my tail between my legs. What a freaking embarassment.
[/vent]
I lost the battle today. But tomorrow is another day. And to make things even better tomorrow is Friday.
I still have my health and everyone that is most important to me does too. And that's what counts that most. Sometimes it just seems like the worlds out to get you and you need to type...furiously.
I feel much better now though. I think I may even crack a smile before I go to bed.
Thursdays used to be my favorite day of the week. Mainly because I still had the UW business school mentality: Fridays off. 3 day weekends.
And I was able to pull that through the past few years. Every now and then I'll bump in to a bad one though. We all do.
So, [vent]
This morning I woke up 40 minutes before my alarm went off, even after not being able to sleep until about an hour after I usually go to sleep. I've been sleeping in the past few days so I guess one day without much sleep isn't that big of a deal. I hope I don't make it 2 in a row tonight.
Anyway, I wake up yawning. A lot. I hate that.
Sit down at the computer to call Countrywide. My home lender for the investment property. After 15 minutes of a hold time, I finally get through to Josh. Yes. That is his real name. I didn't get his lats name unfortunately, but he was a condescending dick.
I was just calling to check the rate on investment properties. All I wanted was the rate for a 30 year fixed. And kept throwing numbers at me. Left and right. Telling me that if I had an "interest and principal payment"...WTF? What kind of loan are you referring to? I'm only looking for a 30 year fixed. Then I get in to an argument with him about rates in regards to the fed buying up the t-notes. Awesome.
Anyway, the end result is that I find out that the rate is a bit higher than it was a month ago when I last checked them - which makes absolutely no sense to me seeing as how the fed is buying up the t-notes. I come to find out that instead of a $140 difference in my mortgage a month later I am being offered a $60 difference. A difference of $960 a year.
Dicked.
All while this conversation is going on, I am thinking of selling out of my UNG. Nat gas April options. I had done well, buying in at $15 and getting ready to sell if we broke over $18...again. See, it had broken over $18 last week, but unfortunately I couldn't sell any of it because I was on my way to the first round of the big dance. In a car. Without internet access.
Why was I thinking of selling? Because they were going to reporting inventory numbers today and I knew I shouldn't hold through it. I got effing greedy. And because of that, I paid. It hurts to lose more than a paycheck in a day. A lot.
Top that off with me shorting the market throughout the day and not working? Yeah, that was a lot of fun.
And work today was a bitch. I mean, really, it wasn't. But why, on my worst days, do I have to end the day with the most frustrating of situations? Why can't I get that before lunch so I can take lunch to cool off? It's murphy's law.
So I finally get off work. The plan was to drink a few beers and watch the game. The beers fell through. I had placed a few bets on the games and just like the rest of my day the first game was fucking me over.
The lid was on the hoop for Purdue. I had a 4 way parlay that would've paid me some of my monthly paycheck back that I had lost earlier in the morning...that missed by 3 points because of STUPID Purdue. Well UConn too. But they did their part by putting up 72. I only needed 63 from Purdue. But NOPE.
Luckily I made 4 other separate bets, of course, 3 of which hit so sportsbetting it was only a down $10 day. No biggie. Still, it should have been a much more successful day sportsbetting than it actually was.
Cringing from the ugly first game of UConn/Purdue I decided to go shoot some hoops. Control my own play.
Something must have happened throughout the day. The day had gotten to my head, in turn affecting my shot. Every shot was short. I considered myself lucky when shots would go in. I played against a guy with long fingernails and he scratched the hell out of my arm.
I left before everyone else from the gym with my tail between my legs. What a freaking embarassment.
[/vent]
I lost the battle today. But tomorrow is another day. And to make things even better tomorrow is Friday.
I still have my health and everyone that is most important to me does too. And that's what counts that most. Sometimes it just seems like the worlds out to get you and you need to type...furiously.
I feel much better now though. I think I may even crack a smile before I go to bed.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Too Serious
Don't have much time to write.
But that's OK. Because sometimes I don't like to fit my standard blogging style. Some reason I feel like I have to make some sort of point. Or maybe write enough to try and reach that point. So that I don't waste a post.
That's ridiculous.
And lately, I've been much too serious. I don't know what my deal is. Really I think I'm a happier - or more light hearted kid than this blog lets on.
So knowing that, I'd like to move on.
Tiger Woods is on sportscenter right now. For some reason I feel like I look like him. My mouth isn't as wide. Shockingly. My eyebrows aren't as curved, but I'm sure he gets them done. I guess my hair isn't even close to his. But I did buy a red nike golf polo for my golf on Sundays. Hats don't really wear well on me, so unfortunately I can't go for the full look. But I've got the black slacks and the black nike golf shoes. I think I've got Halloween lined up for next year now...
I had to change from the Travel Channel to ESPN just a few minutes ago. Why? Because I have a really hard time watching food in HD. What was on tonight was "Man vs. Food". The food channel kills me too. I ate more than enough for dinner tonight, and yet we've got "Man" (cause I can't remem...oh wait, it's Adam Richardson right? Awesome there goes a childhood memory...) traveling around North Carolina...and eating BBQ.
These people hate us. Anthony Bourdain. Rachel Ray. Paula Dean. Adam Richardson.
They travel around the world, eating excellent food and getting paid for it. You might be asking, shouldn't we hate them? No. Maybe. They thumb their noses at us and lay it all out there like boastful pigs in HD. That's how much they hate us.
Anyway, I got up and headed to the pantry to see what we had to solve the growling of my bowels (plural I guess? Hella smart) after watching pigs that were cut in half die a second grusomely tasty death over a bed of hot charcoal. Growl bowel. I saw cereal bars. Cereal. Canned fruit, beans, some sponges, sauces and chips. Uhhh, cereal bar it is I guess. And I can't help but sit here thinking about how stupid I look drooling over my BBQized TV and munching on a 90 calorie special K cereal bar. Douchetastic.
Do you ever talk shit to the TV? I do. I'm skeptical of everything. "Knowing" is the #1 movie in America. #1 at what? There is no disclaimer on what it is #1 on. Does anyone actually go see a movie because it's #1? This never has worked on me. Sure it might have bolstered my viewing opinion after I had seen the movie...I might think, "Hey, I helped to make that movie #1!" at what though, I'm not sure. This movie is #1 in America for Filipinos with the first name of "Seth" that live in Washington. See, they just leave everything after "for" off. I don't think anyone overthinks things like this. This is exactly why sometimes I have trouble sleeping. Thinking about whether or not I bought Scott's turf builder for my lawn because of the price at Costco or because of the commercial...
The guy on the Saturn commercial says, "Not a day goes by that someone doesn't ask me, 'What's going on with Saturn?' Well, let me tell you what's going on with Saturn, we're still here." Well shit guy. I hope you are. I don't know where you would go to. And honestly, I'm not sure if you'll be here for much longer. Sad. Seriously though? What the eff kind of marketing ploy is "We're still here." Is it like a "just in case you were wondering" sort of deal? Because I don't know many people who wonder that.
I really wish Obama would do stand up.
And his wife could play in the WNBA. Omg perfect.
On that note, it's time to sleep.
But that's OK. Because sometimes I don't like to fit my standard blogging style. Some reason I feel like I have to make some sort of point. Or maybe write enough to try and reach that point. So that I don't waste a post.
That's ridiculous.
And lately, I've been much too serious. I don't know what my deal is. Really I think I'm a happier - or more light hearted kid than this blog lets on.
So knowing that, I'd like to move on.
Tiger Woods is on sportscenter right now. For some reason I feel like I look like him. My mouth isn't as wide. Shockingly. My eyebrows aren't as curved, but I'm sure he gets them done. I guess my hair isn't even close to his. But I did buy a red nike golf polo for my golf on Sundays. Hats don't really wear well on me, so unfortunately I can't go for the full look. But I've got the black slacks and the black nike golf shoes. I think I've got Halloween lined up for next year now...
I had to change from the Travel Channel to ESPN just a few minutes ago. Why? Because I have a really hard time watching food in HD. What was on tonight was "Man vs. Food". The food channel kills me too. I ate more than enough for dinner tonight, and yet we've got "Man" (cause I can't remem...oh wait, it's Adam Richardson right? Awesome there goes a childhood memory...) traveling around North Carolina...and eating BBQ.
These people hate us. Anthony Bourdain. Rachel Ray. Paula Dean. Adam Richardson.
They travel around the world, eating excellent food and getting paid for it. You might be asking, shouldn't we hate them? No. Maybe. They thumb their noses at us and lay it all out there like boastful pigs in HD. That's how much they hate us.
Anyway, I got up and headed to the pantry to see what we had to solve the growling of my bowels (plural I guess? Hella smart) after watching pigs that were cut in half die a second grusomely tasty death over a bed of hot charcoal. Growl bowel. I saw cereal bars. Cereal. Canned fruit, beans, some sponges, sauces and chips. Uhhh, cereal bar it is I guess. And I can't help but sit here thinking about how stupid I look drooling over my BBQized TV and munching on a 90 calorie special K cereal bar. Douchetastic.
Do you ever talk shit to the TV? I do. I'm skeptical of everything. "Knowing" is the #1 movie in America. #1 at what? There is no disclaimer on what it is #1 on. Does anyone actually go see a movie because it's #1? This never has worked on me. Sure it might have bolstered my viewing opinion after I had seen the movie...I might think, "Hey, I helped to make that movie #1!" at what though, I'm not sure. This movie is #1 in America for Filipinos with the first name of "Seth" that live in Washington. See, they just leave everything after "for" off. I don't think anyone overthinks things like this. This is exactly why sometimes I have trouble sleeping. Thinking about whether or not I bought Scott's turf builder for my lawn because of the price at Costco or because of the commercial...
The guy on the Saturn commercial says, "Not a day goes by that someone doesn't ask me, 'What's going on with Saturn?' Well, let me tell you what's going on with Saturn, we're still here." Well shit guy. I hope you are. I don't know where you would go to. And honestly, I'm not sure if you'll be here for much longer. Sad. Seriously though? What the eff kind of marketing ploy is "We're still here." Is it like a "just in case you were wondering" sort of deal? Because I don't know many people who wonder that.
I really wish Obama would do stand up.
And his wife could play in the WNBA. Omg perfect.
On that note, it's time to sleep.
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