So I didn’t get a chance to do my “weekly Sunday night” write. They are usually worn, tired, crazy and possibly delirious, depending on how late in the night it is. Last night, I didn’t write. Today, I decided to write. I figured, let’s try a whole post from work, possibly? Unless I’ve done that before? I don’t know.
Last night I washed all my dress pants (well the ones I typically wear, which amounts to THREE of them) and let them sit in the dryer. They’re probably wrinkled. And because of that, I didn’t pull any of them out this morning and iron them. Because I am somewhat lazy, and I have other business casual attire that will suffice. So they’re probably sitting there, all alone in the dryer, wrinkled and cold, wondering when they’ll see the light of day, or at least the dark warmth of my closets and all their friends. ( “Why hello there striped shirt!” ) Ok, we’re having a potluck at work today and I’ve ate way entirely too much sugar. Also, I’ve had my first taste of caffeine since Friday night. What am I? Mormon? Sheesh. Either way, I’m probably going to crash (hard) in about 30 minutes, or be up and running around until 2 am tonight.
What was I talking about? Oh yeah, my pants. So, all things considered, I am having trouble breathing right now. Unlike my counterparts here, I have gone back 3 times to the potluck to grab more food. I am skipping my lunch and leaving it in the fridge so I don’t have to worry about it tomorrow. Hopefully no one else here at work eats it, although they’ve been SUPERBLY good about not eating anyone else’s food. Side note: There has been 4 different Sobes of 4 different flavors sitting at the bottom shelf of the fridge for the past 3 months. I want to scream. They are unopened, and no one has claimed them, nor have they drank them. I wonder, does someone drink one of them, but immediately replace them and make sure they are in the same order as before? I don’t think this is the case. No one is THAT anal, and if they are, it’s crazy that I would even THINK they would be like them. To get to the point: I want to drink them. I want to drink at least one. It SEEMS LIKE NO ONE IS GOING TO DRINK THEM! Three months! I mean, c’mon, at least move them or something. Get them out of the fridge and away from my wanting eyes, my pining eyes…such sweet carrot juice…elixirs of life. Part of me wants to believe that some social studies major is running some sort of experiment on relationships at work and has placed these Sobe bottles in major traffic area fridges around the nation to see how certain workplaces react and how respectful they are.
When I used to work at Eddie Bauer, my lunch was stolen about once every 2 weeks. It was disheartening. I would always complain to my manager who would also get angry. It got to the point where I was thinking that I could put my NAME on my bags of food and no one would eat them. You know what the FREAKING worst ever was though? When I was working at WAMU and dropped off HALF of my leftover Teriyaki. Someone…some DEVIL had the audacity to eat JUST THE CHICKEN, and leave the rice. Remember, this food was HALF EATEN already! I couldn’t believe it! I was shocked.
And I always said to people that would laugh at my misfortune: “If these people would just ask for some money, I would go and DRIVE them to the teriyaki place/store/etc. and BUY them the food, since they’re so BROKE and hungry they OBVIOUSLY have to eat mine”. Since that point, I’ve wanted a job where my lunch was stolen so I could secretly POISON it with laxatives, and other dubious (does this word make sense here?) items. These moochers would pay. But, until then, I’ll thank my lucky stars that most everyone I work with makes ENOUGH money to bring their own lunch, or at least buy it.
Tangent: It’s snowing up in the passes now. I talked to someone named Christine Burton today also. Burton is a snowboarding company, they made my snowboard pants. Snowboarding is coming very soon. Check back for updates about how people tell me I should be a professional snowboarder but I am content in them just telling me so. End tangent.
So, this bird flu thing. That’s kind of scary. Here I am, eating my breakfast this morning, and the news is telling me that if it comes to the states, TWO MILLION PEOPLE could die? 2 million? Ummm…doesn’t that mean one of those people could be me? It always could be me I suppose. But I hate how they use these scare tactics…and now, I’m washing my hands after going to the bathroom. Look at how the news has changed my life! *sarcastic* I’m worried about eating Turkey this thanksgiving, chicken…and maybe even pork, since it’s “the other white meat”. Wouldn’t it be funny if it was the pig flu? *chuckles* No, it wouldn’t be. And those that laughed at that joke don’t understand how much we, as 60% (or whatever it is, 95%) overweight Americans rely on pork. Those that laughed should be ashamed of yourselves. Hang your heads.
I drink one gulp of sprite, and chase it down with water. That is weird, but I like it because I feel it washes that sugary aftertaste down my mouth and prepares me for another sip of POP.
Ok, so I didn’t really get to touch on the things that I really wanted to talk about: Finally paying for the engagement ring, the great time I had at a couple’s party on Friday night, and how much of a pain moving is…but maybe when I feel like complaining and talking about things that we feel like we SHOULD be interested in, I’ll let y’all know. Until then, remember that drinking sprite out of a straw is better for you because it doesn’t touch your teeth. Unless…you’re one of those weird people that swishes it around in your mouth like Listerine. Because there are definitely those people out there. Just try not to be one of them.
Monday, October 31, 2005
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Hump Day
That's right ladies and gentlemen. No tooth brush for me! No sir. My girlfriend basically thought the idea of me borrowing her tooth brush was "gross". And that brushing my teeth with her toothbrush was more gross than me doing so with a finger. I just want to let you all know, for those that haven't tried it yet: It doesn't really work. The paste gets all over your lips, your teeth, you don't really feel clean, your finger is sticky even after long rinsings. Yeah, it's not that great of an idea. The toothpaste doesn't even foam up! I mean, how can you get clean just by "applying" toothpaste to your teeth? I don't know if you can or not. Which sucks, because I have a dentist appointment next Tuesday, and of course I've been doing a great job of flossing, brushing for at least two minutes (and trying to do so softly) and also using the rubber pick to strengthen my gums. My teeth should be in the best shape of their lives as I usually floss about once a month maybe, instead of the once to twice a day I've been doing for the past month and a half now. I mean, honestly after this whole flossing hoopla I can successfully say that I floss my teeth “every couple of days”. That’s right. 1 month straight of flossing once to twice a day makes up for the rest of the year not flossing. Gross. I know that’s what you’re thinking. I don’t care. There are people in this world that don’t even take showers…let’s not even talk about dental hygiene!
Today I played in a multi table tournament for $30 on Party Poker. I placed 32nd out of 720 people for a whopping $118.00. But, it sucked almost 4 hours out of my day and I felt completely drained and emotionally wrecked. That’s what “going deep” in MTTs (multi-table tournaments) do to me. You have to be on the ball 100%. 1 misstep in a no limit tournament and you’re gone. That’s what is so stressful about it. I definitely made a few errors, raising when I shouldn’t have, folding when I should have called, but somehow I still made it in to the money. Skilled players can make it to the money. Skilled players who have luck on their side can make it to the final table. That is the difference.
The only reason I am writing tonight is because I am not tired. I thought I was tired, but got a second wind. I guess all these nights of staying up until
Ok, now I remembered what I really wanted to talk about. I always used to say, “There are no absolute truths in life”. Someone corrected me by saying, “Yes there is, it’s death”. So, I stand corrected. The only absolute truth in life is death. Everyone that is living right now will die. What you do between the moment you are born and the moment you die is more or less up to you. Having said that, the inevitability of time was quite disturbing to me as I was lying in bed and not being able to sleep tonight. I thought to myself, “God, the last time I worked was more than a week ago. What happened to 7 days? Why is it that when I’m working the week seems to move ever so slowly, yet when I’m free to do as I please, here I am, 7 days later with not very much to show for it, but at least more to show than if I had been working? 7 days.” Just yesterday I was thinking about how well the Seahawks played and how excited I was to have 3 more days off. Just yesterday I was eating Applebee’s with Michelle and telling her how nice it will be to have 5 days off. Just yesterday I was discussing with my manager how much time I could take off. You won’t believe this, but they gave me the option of a month. They’d only pay me a week, but still, I could take a month off. That would definitely be nice. So, I took what they would pay me for. Any drop in income right now would hurt a lot. And that’s what is scary about not having a job to me. Every month we’re going to basically have $1000 between Michelle and I after the mortgage and bills. Somehow we’ve got to build up some sort of nest just in case one of us loses our jobs…has some sort of mental breakdown…has to buy a new car…enough to get by while we’re scrambling to find something basically…this is scary to me. Definitely one of those “high risk high reward” type of deals. Something I am used to I suppose.
Wednesday is hump day. I didn’t do any humping today. Definitely with the brushing of teeth with finger, but definitely not with the humping. For those that haven’t seen it, NYC beats
Did I mention I was on the road to losing weight and getting “cut”? Yeah, that’s happening by new year’s eve. I’ve cut out a lot of drinking over the past few weeks (even though it was already at an all time minimum) and I’ve been working out at least every other day, and worked out a lot during this vacation. I’d like to get rid of the gut first, but it’s shrinking very slowly. I guess it’s a lot easier to put it on then get it off. I’d like to end tonight’s post with something memorable or at least witty. On this desk there is stationary with fish on it and a cat swimming with the fish with scuba gear on. The title reads, “Fishy Business”. I laughed that “one laugh” at it the first time I saw it. Like that one “Hah!” you let out when you see something like that. Wish me luck at my next two days of work, I’m sure they’re going to suck.
Monday, October 17, 2005
Sunday nights + Random
The Sunday nights are always the toughest. Always the loneliest, always the longest, shortest, most dreaded. The only thing I can hear is typing. Quiet whine of the computer beside me. I’m starting to learn that I lack focus. That I can do great at things if I just keep my mind focused and driven. But sometimes those thoughts sway, my mind wanders. And for that split second that I’m not paying attention, things that could go wrong…can. Not that I’m saying that they do. I’m just saying that suddenly things swing against me that I can’t control…bah, it’s not all bad at all. The only reason that I write in here is out of sheer, complete boredom.
Let’s see, what to talk about this week: I’m about halfway through my bereavement vacation. It’s been nice to have some time off from work. I definitely have taken as much advantage of it as I’ve wanted to. The past few nights I definitely wanted to go out…well out more than I did, but not doing so is better for me. I’m on a mission to cut 5 pounds by the end of this month, and get more “cut” (period) by the end of the year. That was my new year’s resolution, I slacked, sure, but I’ve still got time left. BAH. The typical mind of the procrastinator. Either way, the past few days, now that I’ve had time off, I’ve been doing 2 and 3 hours of working out, and not just cardio…but cardio for an hour. Weights for an hour…hitting the punching bag for an hour…the gut is definitely what I’m hoping to get rid of. I am very tired of it. The sad thing is, lots of people would say I am skinny. But the stupid BMI calculator says I’m overweight. Of course, the “lots of people” that would say I was skinny are also fatter than me, so I suppose that doesn’t count. BAH, body image is so boring to talk about.
The movie “Crash”. Highly recommend it for people that haven’t seen it yet. It’s one of those movies where people do, act, and say exactly what many of us are thinking. Can I also admit that I bawled at one point in the movie? If you can figure out what point that is, cookie for you. And it’s got that weird “karma” thing going to it too. Personally, I’m starting to believe that there really aren’t any “good” people in the world left. Most everyone is on an “even keel” doing both good and bad every day. Now, there are definitely the people who lean more to each side, and being able to recognize each type of person is a very strong tool when dealing with the rest of the human population. Where am I going with this? Religion: a tool for the masses to keep in check. Karma (yin-yang, balance, etc): a tool for the non-religious (and some religious people) to keep the masses in check. Where do people GET this notion? It’s absolutely ridiculous. Take a high enough population and things are going to happens to multitudes of people, the same way, the same time, or NOT HAPPEN AT ALL. This is my only problem with the film “Crash”. I don’t think that things come back to you, it’s just your head putting that on you. You ran over someone’s cat, and then your bird died the next morning…two completely separate events, yet for those “believers”, it “serves you right”. BS. You make up some story, some reason for the way things are…guess what, you had choices. Yes, everything happens for a reason. But, I look at this I think differently from other people. There is a reason to every action. I broke my hand. I shouldn’t have punched this wood desk (don’t worry, I didn’t break my hand). But, when “shit happens”, what is the point of just reasoning it off like that? I don’t see it…but there are SO MANY EXCUSES: “It was God’s will”, “I deserved it”, “Karma”…So funny how humans work. When things are going in their favor, it’s all their doing. But suddenly when the down swing hits, they try to excuse it away, try to make up for it, or try their best to explain it.
I hate to say it, but life is completely random. If you’re reading this though, you’re probably alive, and doing pretty well since you’ve got internet access somewhere…more than likely indoors too, warm and fed. That’s the exact description of me. And whatever sort of random placement I received here on this Earth I’m damn thankful for…but it makes it so hard questioning it. Why me? Why here? Why am I doing better than 70% of the rest of the World population (maybe 90%?)? This stupid roundabout questioning never gets me anywhere (intention of pun here…once reading over it a second time), yet I tend to do it from time to time, maybe to keep my head in check? Maybe to pull some focus away from the current task at hand? Maybe to make myself feel less significant? Who knows.
Random.
Monday, October 10, 2005
A little sweat.
Tonight, my palms sweat a little. Hold on, I gotta check to see if the rice is still cooking. Ok, back. The rice was STILL in fact cooking. Well, not really cooking but on the “keep warm” mode. That means that it’s done cooking…well, don’t ask me actually, I’m not really sure exactly how the rice maker works, other than the fact that it makes rice by heating up.
Back to the palms. This weekend has been pretty ugly gambling wise. I’m so glad I get to admit it to someone…this blog at the least, because complaining about it to other people who don’t gamble and even those that do probably don’t care to listen, think I’m a complete idiot, etc. blah blah blah. I don’t really like to other people whine, so I don’t try to whine to them. At least, petty whining about stuff that is preventable. So, party poker puts up a blackjack portion of their site. Shit. I’m screwed. And I did. I really did screw myself. But you know what though? Not really. Because since I got home from Vegas, I’m still up a RIDICULOUS amount playing blackjack. And it wasn’t my money that I lost either. That’s the scary thing.
Either way, back story: Party poker and multiple online gaming sites provide bonuses to their players just for playing. Yes, they give you money to play with. Why? They figure most of you are going to lose anyway, so might as well give them some extra money to lose. A lot of people deposit too just to get those bonuses. I am one of them. Playing break even poker I make roughly $22 an hour playing bonuses on Party poker. When I’m losing anywhere between $10-$15 an hour and when I’m winning I’ve seen upwards of $50 per hour. Well, the past 3 days I’ve been playing on Edz’s account. It’s my money, but I don’t think about it as such. In May I gave Elvin $500 for his account, and 5 months later it was $1700. Hell of a return if you ask me. $600 of it I used for Vegas, $350 of it I just lost tonight. So let’s see, that should put his account at roughly $750. Still up $250 for 6 months? Eh. Not bad, if we’re talking interest. And that’s $250 for 25 hours of work. I should be $1850 for 25 hours of work, but it’s not due to aforementioned spending/losses. Today, I worked the bonus, got finished, decided to play a bit…not just a bit, decided to play it ALL. Got up. Got down. Got up. Got down. Got down. Got broke. That’s about exactly how it went. But remember, this isn’t my bank account. That’s the thing. I don’t look at this thing at all. I can’t withdraw from it at any time. The sad thing is, I’ve got 4 accounts like this. At least a grand in each of them, and one with $2200 in it. So much of my money spread out. And I think, after 1 more $100 losing session at blackjack, I’m done with it.
So, let’s go over the rough numbers (because I know you all care so much) I don’t really, but it’s something to talk about at 1 am on a Sunday night when I’ve got nothing better to do. And thinking about money is interesting to me. In Vegas, I lost $3700. When I got home, I won $4800, $1000 of which I left online. That grand is currently $280. The sad thing is, any money that is online ISN’T MY MONEY. I tell myself, I am more than willing to lose it, and if it’s gone, so be it. So, since Vegas, since September, I’m up $100. HAH! That is a joke. BUT, since my GOOD Vegas trip, I’m up overall. And that’s what counts, is the long haul. So this little weekend stint where I lost $500 isn’t really counting I’ve decided. It did make my palms sweat, and I’ve got 4 more accounts to play hopefully for a minimum of a $400 return.
Wow, that’s a lot of talk about online gambling and money. HOW BORING. *Yawn*
Let’s go over my last two weekends: Boring. Sit at home. Sleep. Nap. Watch TV. Watch TV until sleepy and then nap. Drink a glass of champagne to feel like you’re having a mini party for yourself. Surf the net. Punch the punching bag. Shower, sleep. Itch. Complain. Pay for food. Pay a lot for food. Worry about money. Drive, far. 2 hours round trip. Worry about gas, in turn worry about money. Enjoy fall leaves. Be depressed about not partying. Think about losing weight. Think about everyone drinking right now. Think about how the glass of champagne wasn’t enough to fool myself, but it is making me tired. Sleep. Wake up in the middle of the night not able to sleep. Gamble. Be sad while listening to Damien Rice’s “Cannonball”. Send a text message at
Thursday, September 29, 2005
A few things...
Clouds. Rain, dark. For the first time in a few months I had to turn the light on while eating breakfast in the kitchen because I couldn’t tell whether or not my 5 day old left over Denny’s breakfast had any mold on it. I don’t think it did. I still haven’t contracted any sort of stomach flu or food poisoning, as if these are things that one could contract. Anyway, I hope we’re not on the road down to dreary Seattle weather. For almost all of June this year it rained. I couldn’t believe it. May showed signs of promise promptly followed up by June which bitch slapped all the believers of the Seattle summers, which I’ve come to believe are some of the best…anywhere. But then again, if you’re not from Seattle, disregard everything I’ve said, and please, please don’t come here. Our traffic can’t handle you.
So, the reason that this post is so aptly titled is because I wanted to go over a few things. First, George Bush. I wish people would just stop ranking on him. A lot of people in Washington, specifically Seattle are just non-stop about their hatred. But, really, what has he done to them? For a while, I thought, “Oh my gosh…Bush is such an idiot”. But then, I realized, “Ok, he’s an idiot, but how is that affecting my life?” It’s really not. Sure, I see his face on TV almost every other day, but I don’t mind. In a few years he will be gone, and I’m sure people will still be complaining…about nothing. Just like they always do. I mean really, have you ever met him? Would you say those hurtful things to him? I’d be glad to shake his hand, and 20 years down the road tell my children that I shook the president’s hand. If you’re going to hate on him, at least make it funny. This weekend at Oktoberfest, I saw a shirt that said, “Good Bush/Bad Bush”. And the “Good Bush” was a picture of a woman’s lower half. That was excellent. This is a good way to make a statement, yet at the same time be a comedian, be jovial, get a response other than anger. And I also wonder, if Kerry wins this election, are things different right now? No, probably not. But, people around me whine less, so maybe that’s why I’d enjoy if we had a democrat running the show. Whatever.
The only thing I care about politically is I-901. This is the initiative in Washington to ban indoor smoking, just like they have in California. This is a great idea. Imagine going out to the clubs, the casino, or bowling, and not having to come home and take a shower because you smell like ash tray! This is my dream. I would join a freaking bowling league if this initiative passes. I am not registered to vote, but will register just to vote for this initiative. Can I do that? Can I just vote for one initiative? I wonder. I also plan on volunteering for the cause this coming month as the election is coming up in November. Please go here: http://www.healthyindoorairwa.org/ to do likewise. Oh, and for those wondering, yes, I do like bowling, but this is more from the casino aspect, where a LOT of people smoke indoors. My lungs and skin have suffered enough from playing poker in these smaller dive casinos and also at the large tribal ones, where at least 1 out of every 4 people smoke and fill the air with their carcinogenic crap. If you’re registered to vote, please vote YES on Initiative 901 for no smoking indoors!
Next topic: Post college depression. I didn’t think it would happen to me. Depression? Me? Never. At first, it started as missing college. As a recent graduate, I still have friends/relatives/sister attending my higher education of choice. It was hard for me. Just working. Work is different from school. All throughout school I heard people lament about their work load, the different finals coming up, how large the paper that was due tomorrow, and how tough the grading was. Rarely, was I like that. Once I got in to business school, I was the kid that I think a lot of people disliked. Because I skated through. I used to laugh about how low my grades were, and would shrug my shoulders when I didn’t do too well on tests and assignments. Was I lazy? Sure, at times. But I just didn’t get what everyone was working towards. I always though, a degree is a degree. But, I guess not. People did really well, got good internships, got extra scholarships for further education, landed high paying jobs with company cars and 6 weeks of vacation a year…blah blah blah etc. Me? I get two weeks of vacation, crappy benefits, and will be CLOSE to making $40K this year (from the job alone). Am I where I should be financially? Absolutely. I’m already above the median for Washington state (at a healthy $35K a year) and it can only go up from here.
But the thing is, the college to work transition is tough. Well, let me rephrase that, it was tough for me. School is something that I’ve always had. A place where I can goof around with kids my age. A place where I can drool over cute girls and act stupid in class and give the best presentations a class and teacher have seen. College to me was drinking every night one December. Driving down to the Intramural Activities building to play basketball until I got blisters. It was meeting people on the bus. Going out to lunch on the Ave. Leaving to play poker in Shoreline at midnight on a Tuesday. What am I really getting at? FREEDOM. This is definitely something I experienced a lot less of once I got in to my cubicle here…9 to 5:30 every morning. Clutch, shift, gas, break, clutch shift. Clutch, shift, gas, break, clutch, shift. I mean, I guess it would be better if I didn’t have almost a 2 hour commute total everyday, since I used to be able to almost walk to school…but still. Being forced to be here for 8 and a half hours a day is tough work. I have to admit though, I get paid a ridiculous amount for the 2 hours I actually work everyday, so that makes me happy. Exactly what I always wanted. To get paid for doing almost nothing. I’m constantly on the prowl for a new job though, and hopefully will be getting back to school once my new house/marriage get settled in though. I am unsure if I’m going to go straight for my basic MBA, or the new technology one in Kirkland. Either way, I know for sure the best way to get ahead is to have education and qualifications over the other guy. That way I can catch up to all the academic all-stars I met while at Ballmer high school. I give you all the updates later on, I am sure. Either way, everyone enjoy their weekends.
Want to know the weirdest thing about buying an engagement ring? I am buying the ring from my future wife’s father. I just spoke to him about when we could meet (in private so she doesn’t know) so we can go over a few stones and pick the one I want and the pricing. However, with the weird comes the “hook-up”. I am going to be getting more than half-off on this ring, and knowing that, I am stoked. And yes, I am one of those people that still say stoked. I still can’t really put together this great idea in my head of how I’m going to do it…but John Mayer, if you’re reading…do you think you’d be willing to hold a private performance? I’m pretty sure I could put together a nice little coffee shop crowd for you…and we’ll gather up the money to make sure you’re compensated well for your time...*sigh* I wish.
So, the reason that this post is so aptly titled is because I wanted to go over a few things. First, George Bush. I wish people would just stop ranking on him. A lot of people in Washington, specifically Seattle are just non-stop about their hatred. But, really, what has he done to them? For a while, I thought, “Oh my gosh…Bush is such an idiot”. But then, I realized, “Ok, he’s an idiot, but how is that affecting my life?” It’s really not. Sure, I see his face on TV almost every other day, but I don’t mind. In a few years he will be gone, and I’m sure people will still be complaining…about nothing. Just like they always do. I mean really, have you ever met him? Would you say those hurtful things to him? I’d be glad to shake his hand, and 20 years down the road tell my children that I shook the president’s hand. If you’re going to hate on him, at least make it funny. This weekend at Oktoberfest, I saw a shirt that said, “Good Bush/Bad Bush”. And the “Good Bush” was a picture of a woman’s lower half. That was excellent. This is a good way to make a statement, yet at the same time be a comedian, be jovial, get a response other than anger. And I also wonder, if Kerry wins this election, are things different right now? No, probably not. But, people around me whine less, so maybe that’s why I’d enjoy if we had a democrat running the show. Whatever.
The only thing I care about politically is I-901. This is the initiative in Washington to ban indoor smoking, just like they have in California. This is a great idea. Imagine going out to the clubs, the casino, or bowling, and not having to come home and take a shower because you smell like ash tray! This is my dream. I would join a freaking bowling league if this initiative passes. I am not registered to vote, but will register just to vote for this initiative. Can I do that? Can I just vote for one initiative? I wonder. I also plan on volunteering for the cause this coming month as the election is coming up in November. Please go here: http://www.healthyindoorairwa.org/ to do likewise. Oh, and for those wondering, yes, I do like bowling, but this is more from the casino aspect, where a LOT of people smoke indoors. My lungs and skin have suffered enough from playing poker in these smaller dive casinos and also at the large tribal ones, where at least 1 out of every 4 people smoke and fill the air with their carcinogenic crap. If you’re registered to vote, please vote YES on Initiative 901 for no smoking indoors!
Next topic: Post college depression. I didn’t think it would happen to me. Depression? Me? Never. At first, it started as missing college. As a recent graduate, I still have friends/relatives/sister attending my higher education of choice. It was hard for me. Just working. Work is different from school. All throughout school I heard people lament about their work load, the different finals coming up, how large the paper that was due tomorrow, and how tough the grading was. Rarely, was I like that. Once I got in to business school, I was the kid that I think a lot of people disliked. Because I skated through. I used to laugh about how low my grades were, and would shrug my shoulders when I didn’t do too well on tests and assignments. Was I lazy? Sure, at times. But I just didn’t get what everyone was working towards. I always though, a degree is a degree. But, I guess not. People did really well, got good internships, got extra scholarships for further education, landed high paying jobs with company cars and 6 weeks of vacation a year…blah blah blah etc. Me? I get two weeks of vacation, crappy benefits, and will be CLOSE to making $40K this year (from the job alone). Am I where I should be financially? Absolutely. I’m already above the median for Washington state (at a healthy $35K a year) and it can only go up from here.
But the thing is, the college to work transition is tough. Well, let me rephrase that, it was tough for me. School is something that I’ve always had. A place where I can goof around with kids my age. A place where I can drool over cute girls and act stupid in class and give the best presentations a class and teacher have seen. College to me was drinking every night one December. Driving down to the Intramural Activities building to play basketball until I got blisters. It was meeting people on the bus. Going out to lunch on the Ave. Leaving to play poker in Shoreline at midnight on a Tuesday. What am I really getting at? FREEDOM. This is definitely something I experienced a lot less of once I got in to my cubicle here…9 to 5:30 every morning. Clutch, shift, gas, break, clutch shift. Clutch, shift, gas, break, clutch, shift. I mean, I guess it would be better if I didn’t have almost a 2 hour commute total everyday, since I used to be able to almost walk to school…but still. Being forced to be here for 8 and a half hours a day is tough work. I have to admit though, I get paid a ridiculous amount for the 2 hours I actually work everyday, so that makes me happy. Exactly what I always wanted. To get paid for doing almost nothing. I’m constantly on the prowl for a new job though, and hopefully will be getting back to school once my new house/marriage get settled in though. I am unsure if I’m going to go straight for my basic MBA, or the new technology one in Kirkland. Either way, I know for sure the best way to get ahead is to have education and qualifications over the other guy. That way I can catch up to all the academic all-stars I met while at Ballmer high school. I give you all the updates later on, I am sure. Either way, everyone enjoy their weekends.
Want to know the weirdest thing about buying an engagement ring? I am buying the ring from my future wife’s father. I just spoke to him about when we could meet (in private so she doesn’t know) so we can go over a few stones and pick the one I want and the pricing. However, with the weird comes the “hook-up”. I am going to be getting more than half-off on this ring, and knowing that, I am stoked. And yes, I am one of those people that still say stoked. I still can’t really put together this great idea in my head of how I’m going to do it…but John Mayer, if you’re reading…do you think you’d be willing to hold a private performance? I’m pretty sure I could put together a nice little coffee shop crowd for you…and we’ll gather up the money to make sure you’re compensated well for your time...*sigh* I wish.
Monday, September 26, 2005
OMG
So the same thing just happened to me like it happened last night.
Thank god I copied and pasted my CN. There is now way I was going to rewrite again.
I think I'm going to compose in word and then post from there from here on out. This site sucks, but I'll continue posting. It looks like it doesn't allow you to create for more than 10 minutes? 30 minutes? I don't know. But it took me about 20 to compose CN: Money.
*rolls eyes*
Thank god I copied and pasted my CN. There is now way I was going to rewrite again.
I think I'm going to compose in word and then post from there from here on out. This site sucks, but I'll continue posting. It looks like it doesn't allow you to create for more than 10 minutes? 30 minutes? I don't know. But it took me about 20 to compose CN: Money.
*rolls eyes*
CN: Money
For those not in the know, CN = Cliff Notes. Bam. Don't you feel like you're in college now? No? That sucks. It's a nice place.
So, I'm writing from work. Something that I wanted to do, but decided against because I wanted the ability to swear in my posts. I know. This sounds stupid. But getting fired for profanity online is even MORE stupid than censoring myself so I don't lose my job. And just to rub it in everyone's faces, I am making money as I type this. A leisurely activity, to come in to my head and dance around a little bit, and yet I'm getting paid.
Last night, I was bored. I was sad. But you know what the worst part about it was? Throughout the day, I had won roughly $1000. Probably $1067 to be exact. But that extra $67 isn't guaranteed because it's on one of my poker sites, and the other $1000 I've already withdrawn and it will be in my bank account by Friday.
What was/is my problem? (Last night this seemed like a much bigger problem than it does right now at work, after a few hours of sleep). I was sitting in my girlfriend's computer room, thinking "woe is me" listening to Coldplay because of stupid Oktoberfest band that covered "Yellow" which I think is my favorite song by them now...anyway, I got done playing online, and that $1000? I won it playing online blackjack. The thing is, this money is not consistent. It's not like my online poker money, where 98% of the time I win. Poker is slow, guaranteed money. Well, maybe not that slow. I typically average $75-$100 in a 4 hour session of playing. But with blackjack it's different. The money swings are horrendous. And that's what I wanted to write about, was my desensitization (sp...is this even a word?) to money. That's why this post is so aptly titled.
Money has become nothing to me. I don't see the use anymore, other than to pay for things I need and partially enjoy (food, drinks)...but I had realized something pretty crazy last night...that the last purchase of something I wanted...just for me, was around 8 months ago. Brand new Nikes. 100+ Nike Solas'. You know what the worst part about this is? I needed new shoes. I was wearing the same running shoes for about a year and a half. The soles were ripped so that when it rained my socks got wet. The shoelaces were ripped from me wearing them untied. And I ran many many miles in them, and wore them without socks many times also, so they STUNK. But, this is the last materialistic thing I have pucharsed for myself. That and business attire, but that was required by my job, and will be required by any job that I'll be working in from here on out. I swear, this is something about how if you're making a salary, suddenly you're required to never wear sweats again. If I ever start a company that works an office I will allow sweats and pajamas. People shouldn't have to be uncomfortable while at work. Mostly they're already uncomfortable to begin with since they're at work.
Oh, and if you haven't noticed, I am not revising my sentence structure, grammar, spelling, etc. I am free "typing", and if I miss a few words, so be it. The important thing to me is that I'm getting out my ideas. One thing I remember from last night while writing this, is about how anal I am about my materialistic possessions. I've got to have things that people who are "in the know" respect and see as either rare, or even in some cases unobtainable. It's my own way of "standing out". For example, my sister's boyfriend is a manager of Champs sports. After looking at my shoes, he let me know how much he wanted a pair, and was complaining about how hard it was to get them. Indeed, I had found them in October of 2004 and had to wait two months due to a backorder. Once I ran in to someone that had the same shoes as me. It was weird. But, then again I thought the guy had great taste. HAH! So arrogant of me...but out of the thousands of kids I saw at UW with Nikes on, he was the only other person that I ever saw wearing that pair.
And that's the thing. When I'm standing in line one rainy afternoon buying frozen Totino's for dinner, and the woman who had to take her two children with her in her exploder comments on how squeaky and clean my new shoes are and how they look so "comfy"...this does not affect me. I am not flattered by her. She probably owns 30 different pairs of shoes at home, 4-5 of them which she wears, while she complains that she has no shoes to wear, and about how her feet hurt. I also went off on women last night in my disgarded post too. And this was about the point that I did so. I said something like: I hate women. They are all like this. They think, oh I can buy these shoes, and this skirt and this top to match, and for those few minutes, maybe for those few hours I will feel complete. Something will fill that void for me. But, you know what? It never does. I wonder if I will ever meet a woman who is 90% happy with the way she looks, because I have once again proven to myself that the more beautiful I think they are, the more they lack in the self-esteem department. What the hell is wrong with these women? They are completely backwards. But, as the debt piles up on these women, their self-worth gets even further crushed under the burden. Go figure.
Anyway, back to my "gambling" issues. 3 months ago, I saw more cash in one night then I've ever seen in my entire life. 3 weeks ago, I lost most of it in the same city (Las Vegas). To the tune of about $3700 (not including travel and hotel costs). Show me another recent college graduate who can stomach that loss and I'll show you a true gambler. By the time I got home from Vegas, I was over it. It was insane. I knew I had to get back to work, grinding it out like I have been doing so over the past 2 years, and I did. But, maybe that's why I've become bored with it. Because it comes consistently. And anything that is just a constant stream, the game rarely changes...it has become the grind to me. I think that is what is affecting me. Anyone else would be estatic to win $1000 in a day. I used to be.
I really just don't see the point. I think is why. Here I am struggling over purchasing a 21" LCD monitor for $470. Do I need it? No. Do I want it? Of course. Does my want exceed my need that much that I would actually break down and spend some of that money I've made? This is where I'm struggling, because most of the time I say, "No, probably not." I'm the cheapest damn bastard when it comes to myself, but I can throw so much of it away on a whim...in a weekend...on nothing. On chasing action. On being the action junkie that I am. And I know, it sounds like a gambling problem. Sure it might be. But, who quits when they're making $15-$20K of supplemental income a year? Why should I quit? I make 35-50% more per hour doing this than I do at work!
Anyway, this is the funk I am right now. The only time I am happy with my money is if I can spend it on something I need and really "pays for itself" or if I can spend it on someone else to make someone happy. Because that's all I really want to do. After winning last night I was sharing my story with a friend of mine over IM and they were short on bills. I offered to help them out without looking for any repayment (short $36) but was declined. I really, don't really care about it, unless it's making the people I care about happy, that's what I want. And I don't know if that is wrong, or sick, but I would rather buy someone else something that would really enjoy it, rather than for myself. Because all I would do is sit and think about how I didn't need it, and how I could have used the money for something else...
So, yeah. This is my cliff notes post on my deleted money post from last night. Don't you wonder how long the original post of this was? I do. I am already having problems with stupid blogger. Thanks a lot for deleting all that writing last night. Anyway, expect more when I have more to complain/comment/question about. Hope you are all enjoying your work.
So, I'm writing from work. Something that I wanted to do, but decided against because I wanted the ability to swear in my posts. I know. This sounds stupid. But getting fired for profanity online is even MORE stupid than censoring myself so I don't lose my job. And just to rub it in everyone's faces, I am making money as I type this. A leisurely activity, to come in to my head and dance around a little bit, and yet I'm getting paid.
Last night, I was bored. I was sad. But you know what the worst part about it was? Throughout the day, I had won roughly $1000. Probably $1067 to be exact. But that extra $67 isn't guaranteed because it's on one of my poker sites, and the other $1000 I've already withdrawn and it will be in my bank account by Friday.
What was/is my problem? (Last night this seemed like a much bigger problem than it does right now at work, after a few hours of sleep). I was sitting in my girlfriend's computer room, thinking "woe is me" listening to Coldplay because of stupid Oktoberfest band that covered "Yellow" which I think is my favorite song by them now...anyway, I got done playing online, and that $1000? I won it playing online blackjack. The thing is, this money is not consistent. It's not like my online poker money, where 98% of the time I win. Poker is slow, guaranteed money. Well, maybe not that slow. I typically average $75-$100 in a 4 hour session of playing. But with blackjack it's different. The money swings are horrendous. And that's what I wanted to write about, was my desensitization (sp...is this even a word?) to money. That's why this post is so aptly titled.
Money has become nothing to me. I don't see the use anymore, other than to pay for things I need and partially enjoy (food, drinks)...but I had realized something pretty crazy last night...that the last purchase of something I wanted...just for me, was around 8 months ago. Brand new Nikes. 100+ Nike Solas'. You know what the worst part about this is? I needed new shoes. I was wearing the same running shoes for about a year and a half. The soles were ripped so that when it rained my socks got wet. The shoelaces were ripped from me wearing them untied. And I ran many many miles in them, and wore them without socks many times also, so they STUNK. But, this is the last materialistic thing I have pucharsed for myself. That and business attire, but that was required by my job, and will be required by any job that I'll be working in from here on out. I swear, this is something about how if you're making a salary, suddenly you're required to never wear sweats again. If I ever start a company that works an office I will allow sweats and pajamas. People shouldn't have to be uncomfortable while at work. Mostly they're already uncomfortable to begin with since they're at work.
Oh, and if you haven't noticed, I am not revising my sentence structure, grammar, spelling, etc. I am free "typing", and if I miss a few words, so be it. The important thing to me is that I'm getting out my ideas. One thing I remember from last night while writing this, is about how anal I am about my materialistic possessions. I've got to have things that people who are "in the know" respect and see as either rare, or even in some cases unobtainable. It's my own way of "standing out". For example, my sister's boyfriend is a manager of Champs sports. After looking at my shoes, he let me know how much he wanted a pair, and was complaining about how hard it was to get them. Indeed, I had found them in October of 2004 and had to wait two months due to a backorder. Once I ran in to someone that had the same shoes as me. It was weird. But, then again I thought the guy had great taste. HAH! So arrogant of me...but out of the thousands of kids I saw at UW with Nikes on, he was the only other person that I ever saw wearing that pair.
And that's the thing. When I'm standing in line one rainy afternoon buying frozen Totino's for dinner, and the woman who had to take her two children with her in her exploder comments on how squeaky and clean my new shoes are and how they look so "comfy"...this does not affect me. I am not flattered by her. She probably owns 30 different pairs of shoes at home, 4-5 of them which she wears, while she complains that she has no shoes to wear, and about how her feet hurt. I also went off on women last night in my disgarded post too. And this was about the point that I did so. I said something like: I hate women. They are all like this. They think, oh I can buy these shoes, and this skirt and this top to match, and for those few minutes, maybe for those few hours I will feel complete. Something will fill that void for me. But, you know what? It never does. I wonder if I will ever meet a woman who is 90% happy with the way she looks, because I have once again proven to myself that the more beautiful I think they are, the more they lack in the self-esteem department. What the hell is wrong with these women? They are completely backwards. But, as the debt piles up on these women, their self-worth gets even further crushed under the burden. Go figure.
Anyway, back to my "gambling" issues. 3 months ago, I saw more cash in one night then I've ever seen in my entire life. 3 weeks ago, I lost most of it in the same city (Las Vegas). To the tune of about $3700 (not including travel and hotel costs). Show me another recent college graduate who can stomach that loss and I'll show you a true gambler. By the time I got home from Vegas, I was over it. It was insane. I knew I had to get back to work, grinding it out like I have been doing so over the past 2 years, and I did. But, maybe that's why I've become bored with it. Because it comes consistently. And anything that is just a constant stream, the game rarely changes...it has become the grind to me. I think that is what is affecting me. Anyone else would be estatic to win $1000 in a day. I used to be.
I really just don't see the point. I think is why. Here I am struggling over purchasing a 21" LCD monitor for $470. Do I need it? No. Do I want it? Of course. Does my want exceed my need that much that I would actually break down and spend some of that money I've made? This is where I'm struggling, because most of the time I say, "No, probably not." I'm the cheapest damn bastard when it comes to myself, but I can throw so much of it away on a whim...in a weekend...on nothing. On chasing action. On being the action junkie that I am. And I know, it sounds like a gambling problem. Sure it might be. But, who quits when they're making $15-$20K of supplemental income a year? Why should I quit? I make 35-50% more per hour doing this than I do at work!
Anyway, this is the funk I am right now. The only time I am happy with my money is if I can spend it on something I need and really "pays for itself" or if I can spend it on someone else to make someone happy. Because that's all I really want to do. After winning last night I was sharing my story with a friend of mine over IM and they were short on bills. I offered to help them out without looking for any repayment (short $36) but was declined. I really, don't really care about it, unless it's making the people I care about happy, that's what I want. And I don't know if that is wrong, or sick, but I would rather buy someone else something that would really enjoy it, rather than for myself. Because all I would do is sit and think about how I didn't need it, and how I could have used the money for something else...
So, yeah. This is my cliff notes post on my deleted money post from last night. Don't you wonder how long the original post of this was? I do. I am already having problems with stupid blogger. Thanks a lot for deleting all that writing last night. Anyway, expect more when I have more to complain/comment/question about. Hope you are all enjoying your work.
What the hell
Test...
I am so pissed.
I wrote for about 40 minutes last night. Going off about money, self-esteem, materialistic worth...other things that I like to think about, how I like to overanalyze everything going on in my life to make sure things are on an even keel...kosher if you'd like.
Of course, I click "publish" and what do I get? A blank white screen. Nothing. No posts. And of course, it was late last night and I didn't do a CTRL + C, CTRL + V thing in some notepad document. No, I had to lose my entire composition.
*Angry*
I will provide you all with cliff notes though. All 2 of you that read this. But thanks for being fans anyway. Not really fans, but sort of stalkers.
I am so pissed.
I wrote for about 40 minutes last night. Going off about money, self-esteem, materialistic worth...other things that I like to think about, how I like to overanalyze everything going on in my life to make sure things are on an even keel...kosher if you'd like.
Of course, I click "publish" and what do I get? A blank white screen. Nothing. No posts. And of course, it was late last night and I didn't do a CTRL + C, CTRL + V thing in some notepad document. No, I had to lose my entire composition.
*Angry*
I will provide you all with cliff notes though. All 2 of you that read this. But thanks for being fans anyway. Not really fans, but sort of stalkers.
Friday, September 09, 2005
The first post
I am extremely tired. My eyes are burning for looking at my computer screen for the past, oh, 16 hours? Yup, that sounds about right.
Since everyone else has a blog, I want one too! Can't I be interesting and fun? We'll see. I'll have to share stories though that won't get me in trouble (with people and the law mainly). I just read through A WHOLE YEAR on another person's blog. I remember telling this person (the blogger) a very amazing thing on Halloween night. After reading through her blog I found nothing. I was drunk. She was drunk. Is this why she didn't remember it? I remembered it. SHIT. Halloween (I hate the spelling of this psuedo holiday) was memorable for me, obviously not for her. I scanned her whole freaking blog just to see if she had written anything about that night. NOPE! And, since you probably all think I'm some sort of sex pot, sex addict, sex maniac pervert, this is not it. Just a one liner I dropped on an "aquantaince" of mine that "made her day". And I read through her WHOLE FREAKING BLOG, that's right, from September 2005 to October 2004 to see if my name was mentioned at all. Because that's who I am, a self-centered, self-righteous, son of a bitch. Because we all want attention, and that's what blogs are great for. Wow, I feel energized writing this. Is this why all of you self-centered bastards do this? Full well knowing that other people, people that KNOW you, and people that DON'T know you will read this and think "hey, that's pretty cool" or "hey, that guy is a freak!"? Awkward.
I guess I should include spaces in my blog entries. Otherwise your eyes will get tired, oh so tired like mine are, and then you can't read very well anymore. And then you'll go blind. And then you'll sue me. You'll sue the internet. You'll win. I just hope after your legal fees you actually come out ahead. Damn lawyers, them and the politicians are the only ones really making money in this country. Everyone else has to play by their rules, or get sued until a new rule is implemented, which if not followed, will be fined, and while being sued, also paying aforementioned lawyer fees. *BREATH*
Anyway, I'll try my best to write, keep you up to date about NOTHING because that's what I like to write about:
(see...nothing)
But some pretty big things are coming up in my life. So big, that I've got an interview tomorrow for a different position, a different company, maybe more money, maybe more stress, that's why I'm at home, bored, because I needed to get my suit and tie. Look spiffy. Because people like that right? I wonder if people think I think less of them because "hey, I'm wearing a suit and way over dressed for ANY sort of occassion (sp?) in today's world!" And obviously, I'm typing way too fast that I could be missing connecting words like "the" "and" "I" semi-important words that make what I'm writing make sense...but screw it, I'm not going to edit it.
Oh yeah, back to what I was saying, the big things coming up: Buying a way too expensive house and a way too expensive engagement ring. In the famous words of my life, "set for life".
For the end of my first post (and the whole reason I got started on this was because of stupid Facebook while I was bored tonight at midnight and found someone in facebook that tried to befriend me, but I just ended up reading their stupid xanga looking for my name...) I'm going to include one of my favorite quotes that I found on my facebook profile, that I had completely forgotten was on there (since I check facebook about once every 3 months). George Orwell writes:
"It's not a matter of whether the war is not real, or if it is, Victory is not possible. The war is not meant to be won, it is meant to be continuous. Hierarchical society is only possible on the basis of poverty and ignorance. This new version is the past and no different past can ever have existed. In principle the war effort is always planned to keep society on the brink of starvation. The war is waged by the ruling group against its own subjects and its object is not the victory over either Eurasia or East Asia but to keep the very structure of society intact."
Now, I'm not sure if I understand this quote or not. I like to think I do, but then again I always think I'm smarter then I actually am. Then when it comes down to it, I get butt hurt when someone smarter comes along and punches me in the face.
Can I just say I love punching and getting punched in the face? Ok, goodnight.
Since everyone else has a blog, I want one too! Can't I be interesting and fun? We'll see. I'll have to share stories though that won't get me in trouble (with people and the law mainly). I just read through A WHOLE YEAR on another person's blog. I remember telling this person (the blogger) a very amazing thing on Halloween night. After reading through her blog I found nothing. I was drunk. She was drunk. Is this why she didn't remember it? I remembered it. SHIT. Halloween (I hate the spelling of this psuedo holiday) was memorable for me, obviously not for her. I scanned her whole freaking blog just to see if she had written anything about that night. NOPE! And, since you probably all think I'm some sort of sex pot, sex addict, sex maniac pervert, this is not it. Just a one liner I dropped on an "aquantaince" of mine that "made her day". And I read through her WHOLE FREAKING BLOG, that's right, from September 2005 to October 2004 to see if my name was mentioned at all. Because that's who I am, a self-centered, self-righteous, son of a bitch. Because we all want attention, and that's what blogs are great for. Wow, I feel energized writing this. Is this why all of you self-centered bastards do this? Full well knowing that other people, people that KNOW you, and people that DON'T know you will read this and think "hey, that's pretty cool" or "hey, that guy is a freak!"? Awkward.
I guess I should include spaces in my blog entries. Otherwise your eyes will get tired, oh so tired like mine are, and then you can't read very well anymore. And then you'll go blind. And then you'll sue me. You'll sue the internet. You'll win. I just hope after your legal fees you actually come out ahead. Damn lawyers, them and the politicians are the only ones really making money in this country. Everyone else has to play by their rules, or get sued until a new rule is implemented, which if not followed, will be fined, and while being sued, also paying aforementioned lawyer fees. *BREATH*
Anyway, I'll try my best to write, keep you up to date about NOTHING because that's what I like to write about:
(see...nothing)
But some pretty big things are coming up in my life. So big, that I've got an interview tomorrow for a different position, a different company, maybe more money, maybe more stress, that's why I'm at home, bored, because I needed to get my suit and tie. Look spiffy. Because people like that right? I wonder if people think I think less of them because "hey, I'm wearing a suit and way over dressed for ANY sort of occassion (sp?) in today's world!" And obviously, I'm typing way too fast that I could be missing connecting words like "the" "and" "I" semi-important words that make what I'm writing make sense...but screw it, I'm not going to edit it.
Oh yeah, back to what I was saying, the big things coming up: Buying a way too expensive house and a way too expensive engagement ring. In the famous words of my life, "set for life".
For the end of my first post (and the whole reason I got started on this was because of stupid Facebook while I was bored tonight at midnight and found someone in facebook that tried to befriend me, but I just ended up reading their stupid xanga looking for my name...) I'm going to include one of my favorite quotes that I found on my facebook profile, that I had completely forgotten was on there (since I check facebook about once every 3 months). George Orwell writes:
"It's not a matter of whether the war is not real, or if it is, Victory is not possible. The war is not meant to be won, it is meant to be continuous. Hierarchical society is only possible on the basis of poverty and ignorance. This new version is the past and no different past can ever have existed. In principle the war effort is always planned to keep society on the brink of starvation. The war is waged by the ruling group against its own subjects and its object is not the victory over either Eurasia or East Asia but to keep the very structure of society intact."
Now, I'm not sure if I understand this quote or not. I like to think I do, but then again I always think I'm smarter then I actually am. Then when it comes down to it, I get butt hurt when someone smarter comes along and punches me in the face.
Can I just say I love punching and getting punched in the face? Ok, goodnight.
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