Vacations, Sick Time, Recharge

As I pass through the end of February I realize that I haven’t requested any time off. Everyone here was supposed to request time off between the 12th of February and the 1st of March. From the 1st to the 4th of March there would be a “freeze period” where no one could request vacation and bids would be processed (in order of seniority). After the 4th it is a “free for all” type of deal where you can request any sort of vacation you’d like.

This whole time I’ve been shopping for a place to get married. A place to have a reception. Somewhere inexpensive enough that I could still enjoy my honeymoon…which by the way will be driving down to San Diego and back up through Las Vegas. Thank god for air conditioning in my car! And I hope my car can make it. Should be a nice little jaunt down the coast (especially with the late summer weather) and I expect San Diego and Vegas to be as great as they always have been. This is why I am freaking out about vacation...we haven't planned this wedding yet.

The reason I am talking about vacation…is because I am dying to request some. I realized on the way home late one night the weekend before last, that this is the first time, ever, in the history of my life, that I worked on President’s day. Seem odd? I don’t think so. Most of my life has been dedicated to school. When I started working, I worked for financial institutions that recognized stupid holidays like that, and I was able to take the holiday, free and clear while getting paid my normal wages. Not true with this insurance company.

In realizing this, I freaked out…and have freaked out even more knowing that we are almost a quarter in to this new year…and I haven’t had a 3 day weekend…since Christmas? And even then…people all around me were getting 2 weeks off…people in school, people that work for Boeing…it has been rough. I am worried about the dreaded “burn out”. And it’s not so much my job as it is the traffic. Wasting 2 hours of my life every day in a car for a job that I could do from my boxers at home…is very frustrating. I would even work an extra hour every day if I could stay at home, answer calls on my cell phone and get on ICQ and send/receive emails. But, it probably won’t happen. In fact, they plan on moving us downtown. To the U-district. Microsoft bought our campus, so we should be out of here in 34 months…33 in 2 days. Should be interesting. Supposedly MSFT will be adding 1,500 new employees to work on this campus. Maybe I won’t have to leave and I can get a job with MSFT? I hope so. I hope they have some career fair for this campus. I’d definitely want to show up for that. But…I don’t want to be a programmer. I don’t want to work 70 hours a week (unless it’s worth it financially). Michelle was telling me on Friday night that I should go get a teaching degree. How awesome would it be to have that 3 months off every summer? The 3 weeks at Christmas and New Years? The weeks here and there for spring break and mid-winter break? And snow days! HAH!

But what kind of self-made millionaire would I be then? Am I not cut out to be rich? Growing up I always thought I would be. No matter how I would get there…I always knew I would be “rich”. In 2nd grade when everyone was asked what they’d like to be I said “rich”. My parents would roll their eyes when at SEVEN YEARS OLD I was telling them about how I was going to be driving a convertible Ferrari…”just you wait and see” I said to them. At the time, I had very little understanding of money…bills…life…but still, it was my dream, and for some reason I honestly think a feasible dream. It’s going to take a lot longer than I thought…as I sat there in college and drooled over all the 24 year old “on-paper” multi millionaires in Silicon Valley…suddenly thinking to myself…Oh my gosh…is it going to happen for me too? And we all know what happened to those kids…I’m pretty sure about 1% made it out of there with their money.

Hmmm, that was quite a boring piece of writing. Maybe because I am boring right now. Let’s try to make it interesting. Things I am freaking out about: Having 90% of my paycheck go to a combined account. All my life I’ve had the ability to take all the cash in my account and do whatever I want with it. And of course, all of my life, I’ve never done that. There’s definitely been times that I’ve splurged, but I’ve never been flat broke. From the first $250 I deposited on my 13th birthday in to my savings account from the money I had leftover from my birthday…all the way up until now. I’m going to keep a few grand separate from our joint account…but the rest…and I mean a lot of the rest…is going to the joint account. For some reason I am more scared about this then I was about getting engaged…getting married…buying a house. Can you tell I’m financially minded? Maybe…is this all I really care about in this world?

I think my coworker was annoyed with me this morning because I was talking about my bills with him and I told him that I try my best to spend money on things I find “relevant”. He then poignantly asked me (as the uber-gamer-nerd/I spent $2400 on my gaming system and I was at a gaming convention last week and I read sci-fi books on my breaks) what I thought was relevant. I could only seriously come up with two things: My bills (for the house and transportation) and food. I hate having clothes. If someone could say, ok…Monday through Friday, here are your five outfits. Wear them until they rip, fall apart, or get burned and you’ll be good to go. Here are your Saturday and Sunday clothes. If someone could say that to me, that would just be great. And for everyone’s knowledge, I do have two pairs of jeans still from early high school (8 years old) that have just ripped due to the fabric being so thin. I have had Michelle sow them up and on our latest “painting extravaganza” the arse ripped out of them once again, thus requiring another patch. I also still have my D.A.R.E. shirt from my “6th grade graduation” that I wear regularly…both as a joke and at the same time as a point of my utter cheapness to buy new clothes.

I am also taking pills. 4 pills in the morning, 4 at night. They are for my ulcer. I hate them. They make my mouth taste like crap because they are antibiotics. The pill popping will stop in 3 days. It has been a crappy 14 days of taking pills.

Patty Liu comes home from China in about 2 weeks. I am stoked. Hopefully I can run in to her at some party or something. She is my 2nd favorite asian girl (non-dateable) after Tien, a girl from the business school. Who definitely was dateable but I think WAY out of my league (as many women who I admire are). It is a rare occasion to find an Asian girl with my sort of mentality…laid back, NOT obsessed with brands and what kind of car I drive, overall laid back and obviously proud of their heritage. Going to UW really helped my mentality with different races, although it definitely skewed them horribly towards a few in particular…we won’t delve in to that here.
5 minutes left to my shift and I think I’ve bored myself enough with this. I promise I’ll include more exciting writing in the next post. Maybe a burglar will break in to my house and we will have a fist fight? That would be a pretty awesome story. Until then…

So Much Happens

I was actually going to write a really poignant and meaningful post, since I've got so much time to write, but actually I'd just really like to write what I really think instead of using some sort of crappy front to stand on my soapbox to tell everyone else how to live their lives. With that said, here we go:

We moved in to the new house. There are a few things wrong with it, but other than that, it's gorgeous. I am in love with it, and it definitely will be hard moving. Having a garage is the most insane thing ever, after parking my car outside for almost a year. Not having to scrape the ice off of the thing makes my life so much easier in the mornings.

The moon at 4 in the morning on a clear windy night in the middle of February makes me stand still and watch. I am afraid of people breaking into my new house so I walk around late at night with hammer in hand (best weapon available) and check every corner and closet. I haven't found anyone...yet.

Our power went out this morning. That sucked. Luckily the power kind of went out at work too so I wasn't "late". According to when the power came back on, I was "on time".

I hated myself last night, for always being that cynic. The guy that laughs at people that cry when they lose their dog. Cry when they stand in the backyard with their parents burying their pet's remains in a wood case. For the first time I experienced a pet I love pass. About 20% of my crying was me hating myself for thinking so lowly of people for being so crazy and weak about their pets. It is a part of the family. And just writing this right now makes me teary eyed. Watching Michelle last night was so heartbreaking for me. She's not a whole person right now and definitely this weekend will be so rough on her. This is why I have always loved dogs: Unconditional love. The good ones will love you no matter what. And they can always sense what you are feeling and know how to make you feel better. I think about the many days that Michelle was out shopping, or even working while I was going to school, so I dog sat Sammy, her black and tan Chihuahua while she was gone. Sure, she shit on the floor and pissed sometimes, and definitely I got angry with her, but I also remember the times where her and I would be watching "A Different World" midday and I would be petting her. Suddenly I'd stop and she'd lick my hand and come crawling in to my lap. I remember the mornings where she'd sleep with us, and of course every morning she'd climb my mountain of a comforter covered body and just stare at me until I woke up. The moment I said, "Sammy, do you need to go outside?" she was already raring to jump off the bed. I knew the dog for 2 and a half years. I probably only loved it for about 2 years. And much of that, she was in pain, her eyesight and hearing was going, along with her legs. But still, she knew when I was there, and I was always very calm and felt better when I was around her. We had to put her down last night. Her heart had enlarged and blood was getting in to her lungs. I cried for about half an hour. Michelle cried all night.

This morning she cried and broke my heart...because she said, "When no one else was there, Sammy always was". And that's what loving dogs is all about. Their schedule is always clear for us. All they know how to do love. And that's what so painful about knowing she's gone now. I can't do the same thing that Sammy does for Michelle. I will try my best, but I've got to work, and I've got a schedule too on top of work. I have to stop writing about this...

The power went out while I was showering this morning. That was interesting. Today I am working a 13 hour shift. And I've got 20 minutes left of it. I found that if I added 4 hours of OT per week (like I'm doing today) then I can bump my salary up to $43K (not including bonus). Is 4 hours per week worth that to me? I don't know.

My computer is also not working properly. I hate it. It's all my fault for not plugging it in while I was moving to make sure it was up and running. What a waste. If I have to dump this thing I'm going to be really angry.

Anyway, I'm going to finish here. My coworkers are starting to talk to me. You were very much loved Sammy, and everyone misses you.

Early Morning Thoughts

Working overtime is awesome. In essence, I could almost double my salary just by working an extra 3 hours per day. Then again I would be working 11 hour or 12 hours shifts everyday…and I’m not sure that would be so much fun. Now, if I had the ability to sleep on the job I would totally do it. I’m pretty sure everyone would pick up OT if they knew they could sleep though.

I woke up this morning at 5:05, and my alarm went off right as I was starting to dream. I reached out to my alarm and switched it off and rolled over. Somehow when I do this, no matter what time it is, I always just lay there for 2-3 minutes and jump right out of bed. I’ve never been one to wake up to the alarm, roll over, and fall right back asleep. I definitely have had those nights where I forget to set my alarm and then don’t wake up at all. Something always tells me that I’ve got to get up though, so usually I still wake up within 20-30 minutes of when I was supposed to get up.

When I come in before 7 to work it’s really nice because all the lights are off. My cubicle becomes a little cave, and if it didn’t have these little plastic windows right next to my wall, or if I wasn’t next to the hall, I’d be trying to rest my eyes a little bit. Looking at a computer screen for 12 hours a day is definitely not going to be good on my eyes in the long run. Isn’t looking at LCDs supposedly better for your eyes though? Something about refresh rates…here I go talking about a topic I really no have idea about. Maybe I can do some research.

Well, the house is done. The house is, but the landscaping is not. Crap! So we are moving in to a house surrounded by mud. I only have a few gripes about the house and they are the following: 1) Our driveway is too small, people are not going to have the ability to parallel park in our driveway, and if I screw up backing out at all, BAM I’m in the grass. 2) There’s a house in my backyard. We thought we were going to have a huge backyard…nope. Turns out they’ve built a house there. Then again, it’s been there for the past 4 months…they’re hopefully going to build a fence and we wanted to put up some TALL bamboo to block them out. 3) You can see power lines from most of our upstairs windows, we are also almost exactly a mile away from an electrical sub station. Then again, they built houses within only 50 yards of the freaking thing. Good luck to all of us and not getting cancer. I hope it doesn’t affect the value of our home…and if cancer cases start popping up, it definitely will, but at least we might be able to sue the builders (or someone) like Erin Brockovich. :p 4) We have a gargantuan wall that runs throughout the house. I have no idea what we’re going to do with that wall.

Other than that though, I love this place. It’s going to be nice to have so much space…and have it nice and quiet at night and in the mornings. Living with my parents the past few months has been pretty tough because I’ve had to be so quiet at night before I go to bed, and I always wake up early any time anyone in my house woke up and was getting ready for the day.

Plans for the day: Shop around for cable and internet connection. I’m wondering if we’re going to be cool and go VOIP or be cheap and just use our cell phones. Go to our new gym tonight and hopefully survive pilates. I’m also going to make my reservations for Vegas. Flight, hotel and vacation requests.

I am hungry, but I am an hour and a half away from a break. What a boring blog post.

Real Quick

Real quick post before I go to bed, because I had someone asking me what was going on with no posts in the last week.

Tonight I had an assortment of meals for dinner. I had: BBQ Baked Lays. Dehydrated mangos. Pasta Roni. Teriyaki chicken, yakisoba and some rice. A piece of pumpkin muffin. Lots of water. Tons of water. Lots of fluid. I need it.

We also signed up for LA Fitness. Weird. I am in need of an I-pod, I-something. I need music other than the crap they play in that gym. It is hard to get a workout when I’m listening to Gwen Stefani…that is, unless it is “spiderwebs”. Doy. Anyway, this is going to be interesting. It’s $30/month, and I already ran in to Jonviray.com who works out there and also Jay’s little brother. (Isn’t his name Joon?) Should be interesting. I plan on going 15 days/month to get my moneys worth. Tuesday-Thursday in the morning.

Wow, I really lack motivation to write this tonight. It’s actually kind of sad. Usually I have LOTS to talk about. Tonight? My mind is as blank as the rest of this page.

We went snowboarding yesterday. That was awesome. I love snowboarding. The best thing about it was that it’s not like riding a bike, for me at least, where I’ve got to get back into the swing of things before I’m 100% comfortable and jumping off of curbs again. Right when I put on the board I stood up and I was ready to go. It was like running.

How much would you take in money to have your left hand cut off? This is the discussion I had with a coworker for the last 30 minutes of my 12 hour shift today. Freaking ridiculous. That is how delirious I was. There is a spot on my LCD screen because I know that my sister has been sneezing and coughing and all her phlegm and boogers get all over this monitor, and I’m afraid to scrape them off because I don’t want to scratch the screen. Once we move in to the new house I’ll give it a good cleaning. And also! It’ll be back to my GOOD computer. Not this crappy one.

So I think my ulcer is back. My stool has been black, and I’ve been feeling colder than normal and also my stomach has that dull ache to it. Women can’t complain about periods to me! Because in 9th grade, I had a bleeding ulcer, which bled for almost TWO MONTHS, and slowly dried and drained me of my life. By the time the doctors realized what was going on, they freaked out because they thought I would die in a matter of days from blood loss. A normal hematacrit (blood count level) is anywhere between 40-45. Mine was at 23 when they admitted me to Children’s Hospital. They said a few more points and I would’ve been anemic, and not only that, but in a few days I’d be dead. All I could complain about was missing the Skyview dance. Looking back on it, it was quite silly, but those dances were THE BEST.

Now, like my alopecia, I believe my ulcer is back. I guarantee if you took a crit test of me right now you’d find that I was probably floating around 34-36. It’s a really weird feeling being short of blood (and women can probably attest to this). I get really tired, and the pain in my stomach just numbs the rest of the world around me. It’s hard to be happy about anything, and my favorite spicy foods everyone tells me not to eat. Oh, and for those of you who are saying, “Hey! It’s just stress! Knock it off, cool out”. I say…no, it’s not. It’s actually a bacteria (h.pylori) that is in my stomach that somehow combines with the acid in my stomach to burn holes in the lining. Thus the blood. Thus the shit covered in blood. Thus the cramps. I knew it was in full effect when I couldn’t sleep until about 2:30 am after going to bed at close to midnight. I tossed and turned while my stomach cramped. I thought it was hunger. I was wrong. The worst part about it is I’m going to have to go to the doctor to get told what I already know, just so I can get a prescription for some antibiotics to fight the h.pylori.

What a freaking ripoff.

Anyway, this “real quick” post turned out pretty long as usual, and I did find things to write about. Don’t you wish your health situation was as good as mine? I bet you do. I can’t wait to see the doctor sometime this week or early next week. *sigh* Another day to wake up early.

In other news, the countdown to Superbowl Sunday stands at 6 days. Freaking ridiculous. When is this going to sink in that we’re going to the ‘ship? Probably kick off.

Night y’all.

Tuesdays suck

I hate Tuesdays. I can't sleep.

Here is my favorite joke for your enjoyment. I don't claim any responsibility over it, and I definitely didn't come up with it on my own.

The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have had
a really bummer day the day you died.  The policy would go into effect
at noon the following day.

So the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven.

The angel at the gate, remembering about the new law, promptly asked
the man, "Before I can let you in, I need you to tell me how your day
was going around the time you died."

"No problem," said the man.  "Well, I came home one day to my 25th
floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair.
But the lover was nowhere insight.  I immediately began searching for
this guy.  My wife was half naked and yelling at me as I searched the
entire apartment.

But, damn it, I couldn't find him!  Just as I was about to give up, I
happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a
man hanging off the edge by his fingertips!  The nerve of that guy!
Well, I ran out there and promptly stomped on his fingers until he
fell to the ground. But, wouldn't you know it, he landed in some
bushes that broke his fall, and he didn't die.  This pissed me off
even more.  In a rage I went back inside to get the first thing I
could get my hands on to throw at him. And, oddly enough, the first
thing I thought of was the refrigerator.  I unplugged it, pushed it
out onto the balcony and heaved it over the side. It plummeted 25
stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great
that right after that I had a heart attack and I died almost
instantly."

The angel sat back and thought for a moment.  Technically, the guy did
have a bad day, and it was a crime of passion, so he announced, "OK
sir, welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.

A few seconds later the next guy came up.  "OK, here's the rule.
Before I can let you in, I need to hear about the day you had.
"Sure thing," the man replied. "But you're not gonna believe this. I
was out on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily
exercises when I got a little carried away and accidentally fell over
the side!  Luckily, however, I was able  to catch myself by my
fingertips on the balcony directly beneath mine.  When all of a sudden
this crazy man comes running out of his apartment and starts cussing
and stomping on my fingers!  Well of course I fell.  I hit some trees
and bushes on the way down which broke my fall so I didn't die right
away.  As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move and
in excruciating pain, I see the man push his refrigerator, of all
things, over the ledge and it falls directly on top of me and kills
me!"

The angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his
story.  "I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself.

"Very well," the angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven,"
and he lets the man enter.

A few seconds later the third man in line comes up to the gate.  "Tell
me about the day you died," said the angel.

"OK. Picture this," says the man. "I'm naked inside a refrigerator..."

We going to the 'ship!

NFC CHAMPS

FIRST TIME EVER

History was made tonight and I was able to witness it.

2 weeks and we'll see if we can go even higher.

Amazing. My life is now complete.

I saw another gray hair on my head

I have two gray hairs on the right side of my head.

I think they are because of nights like these.

Over the past two and a half months, I have slowly built UP and UP and UP, close to $2500.

Tonight, I dumped almost half of that in less than an hour. ONE GRAND baby.

Blackjack owns me. Then, frazzled, I go play pokah...something I THINK I can play (people say I'm good, and not just my friends, but people I play against online)...and CAN'T WIN FOR THE LIFE OF ME. Goodbye another $600. Holy crap. 10 tournaments and I can't get in the top 3. 5 times in 4th place...3 out of those 5 very bad beats...AA vs K9, KQ vs 62, A10 vs A7

Can you guess which hand was mine each time?

*gray hair*

Wow. Yesterday I was up $1100 for the month. By some will of God I got $600 of it back before posting this...playing blackjack on ANOTHER site, so that makes it -$1000 for the night.

How can I sleep on this? I can't. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow (for my hair...what a coincidence) and I've got to be up in 6 hours. My life is AWESOME. At least I got to work out tonight though. Freaking A. What a trip. Down $1600, Up $600...and that $1900 I've made over the past 2.5 months? I've spent about $1000 of it. *sigh*

I are the suxors.

MLK Day

You know, if you add an I to that, it’s MILK day. And, MILK is good for you. So was the man. I still get shivers when I see his speech tossed around the internet. And when I hear the black women shouting, “Amen!” “Hallelujah!” In the background of that speech, I could feel like I was there…it seems to me that people in previous centuries had something to LIVE for. A purpose. And freedom to do what they wanted. I’m a goddamn hippie at heart. I guess I don’t like working that much.

Do we have a date set? I don’t know. September? You know how much this freaking wedding is going to cost? It is going to cost too much. Too much to feed people. You know, if we all went to Jack in the box drive through, it would cost about $500 to get everyone what they wanted, and everyone would be full. Of course, people would shit talk about the food and how it wasn’t fancy enough….but imagine how much money we’d save! Everyone could get really drunk then! Even the kids. And then everyone would sing the chicken song, like the one at the roller rinks, and the parents would get pissed about how drunk their 12 year olds were…but it’s legal in Italy. I think.

I am in a funky mood. I get this way when I win money and I stop playing just because I don’t want to play anymore. I guess I also get this way because I have a lot of energy sometimes that I don’t know how to…release. I. Suppose. Is. The. Word. For it.

Question for you: Do you want to get drunk and eat Mexican food and then play in a Mariachi band but sing English love songs until the patrons within the restaurant start to to boo but then you ask for a tip and then they get even more angry?

Sometimes I wish my name was Randy. “Are you Randy?” Yes. I am him.

Short post! Hope you enjoyed. I’m too lazy to go off on any more tangents. Too bad I won’t be able to sleep. What the heck! I didn’t even have any caffeine tonight!

The Mountain that Broke my Back

Saw the movie. Enjoyed it. Two masculine gay guys that love each other in a world not fit for them, beautiful scenery, and a sad ending…nuff said.

I’ve been staring at a computer screen today for so long that I’m beginning to see lines on my monitor. Or at least on this white background that is my word document. I hope my eyes are fucked because I’d rather have those messed up than this brand new LCD monitor. Heh. Not really.

Note to self: I’d like to try to remember to do the naked bike ride for the summer solstice.

Jamie Cullum is coming to town on March 1^st. I tried to buy tickets, but the only ones available are balcony ones. I am an idiot for not buying tickets right away when the presale started. I wanted to surprise Michelle, but the only surprise announcement was the fact that he was coming and we more than likely weren’t going. For those with good seats, awesome. I saw him live at Nemo’s and I think I live for the rest of my life off of that. His last CD isn’t as good as the last one I purchased, “twenty-something”, and I expect him to do a lot from his new CD…which could be interesting live. But with my bad eyesight and all, and being almost able to touch him 2 years ago, to being half a mile away for almost double the price…no thanks. Good for him though. Looks like he’s gained a good following. Now to find more new musicians that no one knows about so I can have that one intimate show at the croc or something before they make it huge…

I don’t want to go to sleep tonight. I don’t know why. I don’t feel like it. I am sore. I went for a run in the 42 degree weather. I couldn’t feel my toes and wore a beanie on my head. My head got really hot so I took it off on the homestretch. However, because I had a beanie on, I couldn’t really hear things very well, quiet noises were muffled. During my run, I passed a dog with a metal collar and its owner walking behind it, plastic poop bag in hand. When I took off my beanie I heard my keys shake, since I had to carry my keys with me on my run, and I put them in my coat pocket, and I freaked out like the dog was behind me. I sprinted for a little bit. Then I sprinted for a little bit more. Then I sprinted up a long hill back to my parent’s cul-de-sac. Then I couldn’t breathe. And I couldn’t feel my legs. And the sweat was dripping off of me. I stunk. I took an ice cold shower. Nothing better than sweating and being hot, cooling off and taking a cold shower and getting clean. I am sore.

Saturday is the first Seahawks playoff game. I pray they win. We haven’t won a playoff game since I was two years old. And back then I couldn’t even bathe myself. Come to think about it, I wish someone would bathe me even up to this day.

The house isn’t done yet. I don’t want them to rush and do a shitty job. The bank is pissed because the appraiser went 10 days ago to check out the house and they spoke with the builder who was on site. The builder asked them to come back 10 days later to check in on all the progress they’ve made. Today was day 10. Nothing was different from 10 days ago. I think, like a car, never buy a house that’s so new it’s not even built yet. We bought dirt, and this process is us eating that dirt. That expensive, late, break the bank, precious dirt. I can’t imagine what will happen if the following things occur: We lose one of our jobs. One of our cars breaks or we are involved in a car accident. We are in need of some sort of medical treatment that our insurance doesn’t cover. Fire. Flood. Eathquake. These are all things that can happen in the blink of an eye. I am not invincible to life. Sometimes I may think that I am, or may act like it, but I am far from it. There are sure to be bumps and bruises along the way. And if I make it to 50, even 40 years old I will thank whoever I need to thank, 10 million times over and make sure that I’m doing the best that I can with my stupidly blessed life.

Let’s just do a little mind rambling. Things on my head. $100. A+ Certification. MBA. Tuition reimbursement. Rats. Carpal Tunnel. Spelling. Ice tasting water. Dry lips. Bleeding ear. Bleeding ulcer. Credit card. Online bank accounts. Investments. Missing people. Hugs. Losing weight. Losing my mind. Fainting. Wind chimes. Expensive wind chimes in Cannon Beach. Sickness. Wrinkles. Electricity bill. Cold draft. Calories. Garbage. Sleep.

I wonder

I couldn’t come up with a title, so I wrote the first thing in my head:

I wonder how many blogs die due to lack of postings? There are so many out there, and I’m sure there’s so many people that don’t have anything to write about. Like me.

I have nothing to write about. I did nothing this weekend. Watched a lot of TV. Lot of football. Ate at Applebee’s and Denny’s. Christ my heart must hate me.

I need to cut my butt hair. If there’s anywhere that my hair needs to grow, it’s on my head. Not my freaking asshole. Shit. Yuck, that is way too much information, but it is what I was thinking.

On Friday, I packed up all of my shit at work to make it look like no one worked in my cubicle. Typically I don’t have much out, but without my sticky notes, random books and tacks in my wall, it looks pretty empty. One of my ex-coworkers, who is now my idol, used to have his desk like that. Very bare. Everyone knew he hated his life, his job, was an all around sad guy. His girlfriend of X years broke up with him the weekend before he started working. He was about to propose to her. Months later he found out she lived across the street with one of his good guys friends. Turns out they were dating. He wasn’t getting over her any time soon.

I read somewhere that if you don’t have sex often, you lose the intimacy. Interesting. That’s all I’d like to say about that.

My poker career has come to a grinding halt. I made $831 last month. This month I have made $410. HOWEVER, I have spent $550 on erroneous items. When I spend on “fun” stuff I say, “Ok, it’s alright because I’ve won X amount”. But it’s not alright! Because to me, I’m down $140 for this month. Many of you might say, “But Seth! You’ve won most of that money! Who cares if you spend some of it?” I do. Believe it or not, that’s work. Since November I’ve played almost 100 single table tournaments at the $60 level. Each one takes roughly 45 minutes to an hour. I play them typically 2 or 3 at a time. So, I’ve played 50 hours over the past two months for roughly $1200. Not too shabby. But still it does become a bit of a grind at times. (Like right now).

It is tough to give it up. It is tough to give up something that you like, and that makes you money, but after 2 hours a night, you get bored of, and even at times begin to hate. The stress is unneeded. I wonder if I’m getting my ulcer back again. My stomach hurts sometimes like it is coming back. Stress for 10 hours a day at work, and then fun, yet stressful poker for 2 hours a night. 12 hours of stress.

Michelle was sick this weekend. We were boring. Hopefully we’ll get a chance to go up to the mountains sometime soon. I want to plan a vacation. I’ve got 3 weeks of vacation and Michelle has got 2. So, I have an extra 5 days that I can do whatever I want to. We are trying to plan our wedding. I should go on a diet before the wedding. Freaking lose 10 pounds or something. Sometimes I think about when I was a kid, I always thought I would be famous for something. Then I realized I was a piece of shit and would be lucky to even get my 15 minutes of fame.

I wish I had a list of things to do. Every night. And every weekend. Someone should give me a list. That just says, ok, you’ll be in “work mode” from 7:20 am to 6:15 pm today. At 6:20, rest, 6:45 eat dinner, 7:00…On and on. That would be nice. Sometimes having all this freedom is kind of mind numbing. It gets to the point of, “I should go somewhere, but where should I go? I should do something, but what should I do? Doing something would cost money, money that I need to be saving for the house. Maybe I should play poker? Naw. I should’ve gone for a run this morning, it was dry until the rain came. Damn, I’m sofa king (heh) lazy. I don’t want to watch TV or read a book or play guitar or play piano, or bug my sister, maybe when Michelle calls, she’ll have an idea in mind.” Today when she called, she said, "Can you help me move a couch?" We moved a couch we bought for the house. I think that was the most action I saw today.

But, I am alive. And, I’m not hungry. That’s saying a lot. I can’t wait to move out. I hate being cooped up in this house. Maybe it was my dinner tonight? The fact that I’m going to eat a meal from Applebee’s 3 times? Once there, once for dinner tonight and then more leftovers for lunch tomorrow? The idea of eating that crap for lunch tomorrow makes me want to puke. I have not done that since May 2004. Fucking A. Amazing, it’s 2006. So far, it’s strangely familiar to last year. Hope yours isn’t. Ok, I’m giving up. I’m going to bed now.

Frustrated, Tired, Scared

I am tired of my “friends”. What happened? I used to have a few sets of friends and now I just have one.

Oh that’s right. I’m not in college anymore.

Oh that’s right. One of my best friends made out with my girlfriend.

Goodbye two sets of friends. Say goodbye to the last one? I can’t. They’re family. What’s wrong with me? Why do I expect everyone to live up to some standard I made up for myself? Only a few people will always adhere to that standard, but when they falter it’s the most frustrating thing ever. I want to give up on this stupid thing, but I can’t. I can’t when I do it for them. Whatever happened to “do unto others as you would like to be done to you”? Does anyone even do that anymore? I don’t want to do it anymore. I love saying, “Fuck everyone else”, and have been saying it a lot lately. I imagine I will be saying it even more in the future. Is this any way to live my life? No. Can I find better people to surround myself with? No. Probably not, this is the best I’m going to get, so I’m going to have to deal with it. Shit.

I tried to put a football team together. I was frustrated. I knew it would only cause more grief and frustration, even if I was able to successfully put together a football team. I ended it before it began. I’m going to play with guys who are putting their money where their mouth is. Instead of having someone else pay up front for them and create the team for them, they’re going to pay up front for themselves and join a team. The only person they’re going to answer to is themselves. Of course it’s not as fun not playing with your “friends”, but it’s also not fun dealing with even 1 person that flakes out. And there’s bound to be that person. Even on the individual basketball teams I’ve played with through this league within 3 games have gelled together, most of us have become friends, and by the end of the season we’re ratting each other out for not making good plays, or even worse, not showing up to games. I know that I can rely on myself though, and that is what counts.

It is just so tough, knowing that I would have to depend on other people to hold up their end of the bargain. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned about people when doing this, it is to not trust anyone and to do your best with what you have. I understand, we did it all throughout college, and even I was guilty of it. Delegate a little responsibility here and there, and when people came up short, you had to cover for them…I was the one coming up short in many of those instances. I’m not going to deny it. People get busy, people forget, people just don’t care…this is all the norm and I’ve come to expect it, and it’s going to happen anytime more than 1 person is working on anything, and are not getting paid to do it. This is what has become of us. “If I see no incentive to do something, why do it?” No incentive for me? Well fuck you then. Why should it be important to me? Why should I care?

This is my downfall. This will be all of humanity’s downfall. Sure, completely overblown, but I don’t care. Will there come a point where every single person in this world is only looking out for the well being of themselves and their direct relations? I already see this happen every day to and from work. In fact, I put on this mask everyday when I’m stuck in traffic. If cutting you off means that I get home faster, so be it. But me, I’m just a scared, angry, isolationist punk. But, let’s test you. Let’s say you get home from a long day of work, and someone is sitting on your steps. Just to make it more interesting, let’s say he’s a male, and the type of sorts that you would be scared of, whether it be the bum on the corner of the street with a bottle in hand, or the black guy with baggy clothes that you passed on your way out of Safeway. Whoever it is, put him there, on your steps. Now, give me your immediate reaction. Do you feel like driving away? Turning around? Running possibly? Do you have the GUTS to go up to this guy and ask him what he’s doing on your doorstep? Do you yell from your vehicle, “Hey! Get the fuck off of my property before I call the cops?” How many of you were not scared? How many of you would’ve been willing to just say “Hello” and ask the guy what he was doing there and if he needed any help? Then, continued to open the door to your house/condo/apartment/hole in wall in front of him when he said he would be leaving soon? Or giving you that straight answer? Because, even though I’ve never been placed in this situation, I’m the guy that’s eyeing that scary looking bum on my doorstep, and trying to figure out what to do next. Even when the guy hasn’t even done ANYTHING to me yet. Anyway, I’m going off on a tangent. I don’t trust anyone, and I’m so goddamned scared of everyone else.

That’s it, everyone can hate on me now for speaking what’s true to me. Rambling over.

The Eve of Christmas Eve

Well, here I am. Almost 4:20 and 2 people left in my department including me. Everyone else was excused except for me. I think I am being punished. Ah well. I get paid an extra $37 dollars for being here, and they don’t. But is it worth my time? Meh. Maybe, maybe not. I would rather be at home playing poker. I haven’t played in almost a week. I am experiencing withdrawals. Michelle has the whole freaking holiday off (from yesterday until the 3rd) so good luck to me in trying to fit in some cards between now and then.

And you know what the sickest thing is? The most wrongest thing (I know, it’s not a word, but I had to convey my message by making your mind mess up in trying to read that word) is that there’s a tournament on PokerStars on CHRISTMAS day. $530 buy in. And I want to go try and win a satellite to get in to this damn tournament. Ham, Turkey, Roast, Presents, Christmas Music, Family, Friends, Fiance be damned! I want to go burn my money!

I’ve spent a lot of money on gifts this year. Just like I did last year. I can’t believe I bought two people Ipods. This year, I don’t know what I bought, but somehow it’s already added up to $700. And I’ve still got to buy things for 3 people, or I suppose just give them money. Looks like it’ll end up being around $900 for my Christmas this year. Yuck, goodbye to basically a whole paycheck.

Rave: I checked my 401K balance and over the past 8 months, it’s made $700! WOOHOO! Go money working for me! Go Europe and Asia! Kick some business ass and return all the money to me, not doing anything here. Anyway, what I do here at work is take TECHNOLOGY phone calls. Printer broken? Call me. Adobe not loading properly? Call me. Pop up blocker settings not allowing you to view the web site properly? Call me. In fact, just call me period. Because I’ve been taking so many damn phone calls in my life, I think I’ve taken more phone calls EVER. A typical day I wait anywhere between 10 to 25 minutes in between 5 to 50 minute long calls. Each call is different and interesting, so it’s a lot better than any previous phone job I’ve ever had (I can probably survive this for another 6 years at most, whereas I could only survive those other positions for about 2 years max). It gives you a lot of time to surf the net, read up on things, read books and joke around with your coworkers. Pretty nice. On a day like today though, it is killer. I am on my way to an hour without a call, and that’s been about the norm all day.

THERE IS ONLY SO MUCH WEB SURFING I CAN DO. I become exhausted and bored of looking at things. It is hard to shop online for things too when I don’t really have the money. Sad to say, what I was looking at was a computer desk for my new house, not even something I really want. Ah well. Also, the book I am reading, at times, reads like a text book. Great. I’m back to reading stuff that puts me to sleep. It’s all very basic and rarely makes interesting points. But I’m halfway through, so I’m dying inside to finish this stupid thing. My next book on the line up? “Rich dad poor dad”. Wow, I’ve heard a lot of great things about this book too…guess what? It’s probably going to be another sleeper. Excellent.

I’m wearing the shirt I lost in Vegas (I think). I lost this shirt, and had to buy it again. This shirt doesn’t feel as good as the last one. It’s a bit itchy, but maybe that’s because I didn’t wash it? I’m wearing it with a hoody. So that none of my coworkers tried to be over jovial today with me, I wore my hood most of the time. Some of them made comments about how I looked like a “gangster” or a “thug”. Right, like they ever knew what that looked like.

I can’t believe it’s been so long since I’ve written, I apologize. I have an hour left to my shift, so let’s see how much time I can waste in writing in this thing.

I just took a big old dump. That wasted 10 minutes. And on that note, I’ll end this, with 45 minutes left to go. So, in all actuality all of this took me 5 minutes to write. I’ll write something more fantastic on another day.

Too Early

Wow, 2 am once again. It is way too early in the morning to be awake.

Too bad I haven't gone to sleep yet.

Just wanted to say, I've got hilarious friends, and a woman that really loves me.

Funny how one night can make your mood change.

Hopefully I'm not bipolar? Maybe I was just having the Sunday night blues.

So Freaking

Bored.

That is all.

I need a new hobby or something.

Some sort of change.

Maybe a change of mentality.

All the money in the world and nothing to spend it on.

The perfect life, but not grateful for it.

The only thing that got my heart rate going tonight was sliding on black ice...going down a hill at 40 MPH and almost right in to an SUV. Luckily he swerved. I didn't cross over that far though.

That's the first time I've felt excitement in about 2 weeks.

Short Sunday night post.

"If you're bored, you're boring"

It's the "Holiday Season"

I’m going to write whatever I want to. And writing like this is easier than by hand I’ve found. Definitely, it’s less personal, but at least your wrist doesn’t hurt after writing 3 pages.

The holes in my hair suck. I want to bic my head just so I can get rid of them. I wonder what people think of it. Usually I don’t care. But, it is weird. And it takes explaining. I was listening to NPR the other day on the way home and they were talking about the woman in France who had her face transplanted after her dog had attacked her late one night and basically destroyed her face. She was taking (just like all transplant patients) anti-rejection medication so that her body doesn’t fight her newly grafted face. The way it works is it prevents white blood cells (the good ones that I have too many of) from attacking the new skin/muscle etc. That way, the body accepts the foreign object(s) and you can live with that new metal hip in your side, or in this case a new nose, cheeks, lips and forehead. Anyway, I was thinking, hey! Maybe if I took that medication my cells would stop killing off my hair and focusing on better things. Who knows? I suppose it is worth a shot.

I freaked out about Christmas shopping (YES CHRISTMAS) a few days ago, concurrently going through a rough patch in poker. After a month long $1000 up-tick I quickly lost $400 in 2 days. I said fuck it and took the whole roll out. I’ll try again after Christmas. I’ve got presents for half the people I need to buy them for…Christmas is freaking expensive. Oh, and all you mother fucking bitches that complain and whine about being politically correct, STFU. Really, no one cares. Great, we’re offending 4% of the United States population that DOESN’T celebrate Christmas. Did they ever complain before? Not really, maybe a quiet “Sorry, I don’t celebrate Christmas”. But, of course the “non-celebrators” (truly, unhappy people with nothing better to do) had to stand up for people that I’m pretty sure didn’t need or want any standing up for. Go fuck yourselves. Life really must be horrible for all of you. They’ve even started coalitions for both sides *rolls eyes* And I prolong this ugly circle by complaining about it myself. So, I’m stopping.

Quick survey (I guess for people reading). If you had the chance to purchase time, I suppose at a rate that was negotiable, would you? What would your hourly rate be? Would you do things differently if you knew you could purchase time? And by purchasing time this could mean plenty of things…prolonging your life, prolonging a certain day, or event that you were involved in. My now fiancé and I have a saying of “we’ve got more time than money”. But, if you had enough money, would you purchase time? I guess it all depends on your situation.

Bellagio is holding the World Poker Tour championship in April. The large tournament is a $25,000 buy in. I’m wondering if I can get in through a satellite online. That would be pretty insane if it was possible.

It is hard shopping for parents. It is hard shopping for me. The only things I want you’ll need a loan for. I think that also goes for most parents. Like Lucy on the Charlie Brown Christmas special last night, “My parents get me all these clothes and toys and stuff…but what I really want is some Real Estate!” I used to love the Charlie Brown Christmas. Now that I watch as an older person, I can see that Schulz was trying to get across the over commercialization of it all…the play that had nothing to do with Christmas, Snoopy wins the Christmas light contest, people complaining about toys they’ve received…ok, boring I know, sorry.

Thank God tomorrow is Thursday.

That’s all for tonight. I’ve seriously had a lack of things to write about.

One Liners

I’m not tired. And I’m listening to trance music through Pandora so I’m just going to stay up and write one liners until I feel like I can easily fall asleep.

Bass lines are key in almost all music, thank God I can play the tuba.

Semicolons are idiotic, just like many other rules in the English language.

Lazy Americans should just make a language called “American”.

I can stay up and keep playing poker, but the games get tougher the later it gets, more rounders and delirious maniacs.

I try to cutoff my play around 1:30 am.

Overall I’ve lost $40 tonight.

I emptied Elvin’s bank account.

Next, I plan to empty Mo’s, my mom’s account and Greta’s.

It will be weird to have all my money back.

Rarely is there any sense in playing –EV games, yet somehow I always get sucked in and think I’m having fun.

I’m actually bored with them.

I love my headphones.

I am worried about Christmas, not having enough money to get everyone what they want.

My legs, specifically my calves, ache today for no reason.

I hide my warm slippers in my room because my mom tends to throw them in to a closet where it takes 10 minutes to find them.

I can’t wait to move out.

The longer they push back the house, the more angry and depressed I get about being here.

If I let my water sit long enough it starts to taste like ice.

I think when people aren’t expecting something from behind them they turn to their head to the right.

Maybe that is based on what hand you are.

It is taking forever to setup Michelle’s stupid Neteller account.

It is weird to call someone a fiancé and to be someone’s fiancé.

The drugs don’t work, because I don’t do any anymore.

I am consistently sober.

I killed a baby spider tonight, I wonder if that is alright.

There is a song that ends in “Symphony” but I cannot think of what it is right now.

It is one of my favorite songs because of one line.

Today all I did at work was play poker against my coworkers.

They weren’t very good and got angry at me for taking their money.

A car just drove in to my cul-de-sac at 1:30 AM.

I must not have a lot of friends because of my overly competitive personality.

I get very tired of competing.

Too many people care too much about status, hopefully everyone will notice that those who are truly ahead of everyone else only measure up to themselves and their own expectations.

My finger nails are too long, I will cut them tomorrow after taking a shower.

I was invited to play flag football tomorrow, I don’t know if I will play as I have this sinus infection that causes me to cough.

People who play the harp are idiots, learn a more useful and readily available instrument.

When I retire I plan on buying a cello and learning how to play a few concertos.

I try not to look at this word document so much, the white hurts my eyes.

Check out Bireli Lagrene, John McGlaughlin, excellent guitarists who will make you smile.

Last Friday I watched “Chicago” for the first time, B+.

I wonder the percentage of people out there who have a foreign chemical in their systems right now, only for the US.

I would put the number at 34%.

I watched FareinHYPE 9/11 tonight, talk about *yawn*.

Just thinking of that stupid rebuttal movie makes me want to sleep.

Sometimes I keep my poker UIs up just to taunt myself in to playing more, I have pretty good will power.

On the night I asked Michelle to marry me, I requested the pianist at Canlis play “Autumn Leaves” as it is my favorite jazz standard.

I owe $500 on my credit card, mostly from the proposal, gas and food.

I just checked the calendar and freaked out because I thought I had lost a day.

In fact, it’s just past midnight, so we’re early on in to Saturday.

I had a massage on Wednesday, the lady said I might have scoliosis, never before have I thought about my spine this much since she mentioned it.

I use my blog to tell anyone random things since no one is going to talk to me at 2 am in the morning unless I’m drunk with them, I write until I am bored of myself.

So to sleep I will go.

10%, Cough drops and water, Amazing and crazy dreams

What a weird day and night. Go to church. Get preached to on how I’m in the top 10% of those who are truly blessed. I’ve got all my necessities covered. Food, shelter, clothing…love. So thank you. Thank someone. Because I am truly blessed. And to think of myself as in the top 10% of this world as far as just those necessities goes is a little wake up call to stop worrying about not driving a brand new S4, and to stop worrying about how my future wife isn’t getting a 2.5 carat diamond because I couldn’t afford it. Because I am so much better off than so many people right now. There are kids who are going to go to sleep afraid right now that they’re house will be bombed, invaded by a rebel army, or in school tomorrow that they’ll become hostages. Some will die of starvation or disease, things that I have never experienced. I really don’t know who to thank for all of my luck, but this is why I believe that wasting time is such a crime. If you’re not happy, do something about it. Or at least try to dissect everything little fucking thing to figure out what’s causing you anguish, like I do. Because there are the 90% out there in the rest of this world that would give up everything to have the opportunities you are given once you have the basics covered.

Enough preaching. I love cough drops. They prevent me from coughing or so I think. I wonder how many I can have of these. I’ve eaten about a fourth of a bag already. It’s even better because I drink water to chase down the cough drop and it tastes really cool on my sore throat. Just like drinking water after brushing my teeth. I’ll fill up a whole glass of water and then only take a sip before I go to bed. I do not know why I do this. I guess it is just comforting to know that there is an entire glass of cold water waiting to be drunk any time throughout the night I feel parched at all. However, it bothers me that dust and fabric and who knows what floats through the air and more than likely lands on the top of my water. Once, I was in a room with brand new carpet and had an open glass of water. I set it down for 30 minutes and when I went back to drink it, it felt like I was drinking a hair ball, but was actually tons of tiny little pieces of fabric. I coughed.

Why do I sign on to instant messenger? No one talks to me. I am always the one to start the conversation. I suppose I will stop using instant messenger. My cough drop is crunchy.

I don’t know if the family guy was new tonight or not, but there was a part that almost killed me, e.g. I was laughing so hard that I almost coughed up a lung…maybe there was blood in my phlegm? I’ll have to check the next time…Anyway, Peter comes home unhappy for some reason, and Brian is sitting on the couch. He tries to cheer him up by dressing up in a banana suit and shaking maracas and rapping something about “Peanut Butter Jelly Time!!!” and it said that across the bottom of the screen. The way he rapped and Peter’s non-reaction were priceless. Those definitely made my night along with an early Thanksgiving.

My parents decided to do the turkey tonight. I can’t believe that I’m not asleep right now. Usually turkey puts me right to sleep. Anyway, my mom (the best cook ever, combined with my dad) is going to be working till about 8:30 pm on Thanksgiving, so we won’t be having the turkey (or will we) on Thursday. Therefore, we decided to have a few family members over for turkey tonight. It was the best turkey my parents have made in 3 years. Maybe because it was a fresh turkey? This one wasn’t frozen. Or maybe it was because I was so hungry?

I am closing up my Halls Defense bag of 50 cough drops so that I don’t have anymore. I knew I shouldn’t have bought these. D’oh. A day and a half left until my partial vacation starts. And then no more vacation until NEXT AUGUST maybe? Wow. Am I going to go insane? Naw, I’ll just call in sick for some much needed 4 and 5 day weekends. Heh.

I want to write something awesome. I want to write something crazy. So I will try to do so before I go to bed. While in church this morning, I was thinking about my grandma who recently passed on. As I was doing so, I was looking around at all the people seemingly worship and sing their hearts out to a song I was slowly picking up on. I wondered how many people were there because of a promise made to them. A promise of heaven. I wonder if my grandma made it there seeing as my grandparents were some of the most devout religious people I have ever met.

Almost a week ago, I had a dream that I had died and gone to some sort of heaven. Call me crazy, but this heaven was a food court, and in one corridor of the food court it had a few receptionists working. I walked up and was greeted by a, “Hello Seth, we’ve been waiting for you, welcome to heaven”. I was amazed by this dream because as of right now, I’m torn between wanting to believe and not believing, or at the least having “faith in something”. In this dream, the receptionist took me back to a hallway of doors. Each door was white, and behind each door I could look in and see beautiful scenes of my best memories. The woman receptionist squeezed my hand tighter as we moved from door to door and I could see so many wonderful things about my life on Earth. The last door as we made our way back to the receptionist’s desk was a black door, and I knew this is where all my skeletons and demons were held. I opened the door to see things that scared me, times when I felt numb and like I wasn’t me, embarrassed, angry…but the most shocking thing is the receptionist was gone and suddenly I was in this room, alone with so many things swirling around me. And I heard God’s deep rumbling voice which said something to the effect of, “So you didn’t believe in me did you?” I couldn’t see him, but it was like he encased the whole room and was watching for my reaction. I slowly started to cry and screamed out loud that I was, “So sorry I didn’t believe, I just didn’t know!” And that is when the dream ended. I woke up and my pillow was wet from my crying, and it took me an hour to go back to sleep, but by then the rest of the house was already getting up.

I am a big believer in my dreams. And I don’t think that déjà vu is your mind thinking too fast. I know when I have dreamt scenes in my life. I also have dreamt now twice that Michelle will bear a baby girl. Both times she was a gorgeous little girl. Hopefully the next time I dream of her I will find out her name…I don’t care if this sounds cheesy, this kind of stuff is the core of my being. I hope for any sort of dream when I sleep and every time I wake up I scan my brain and try my best to remember at the least snippets of my dreams. That wasn't that amazing or crazy, but at least I tried. Now can I go to bed?

Money Isn't Everything

A short post by me. 12:14 am and I wanted to be asleep 2 hours ago.

Ah well.

I was tired. Now I am delirious.

Money isn’t everything. That is the title of this post. I would just like to say, that the more money I make, the more I spend. What would make me happy? Being able to go to sleep at a decent time and then wake up whenever I wanted to. The FREEDOM to wake up at any time I believe is worth some amount of money…possibly a lot? How much do we pay to wake up late? Some probably more than others. Do you put a price on your time? I hope not. Doing so could drive a person insane. Unless you were super greedy like that, or infatuated with money.

I woke up at 5 am this morning, praying it wasn’t 7. It wasn’t. But I was still awake and couldn’t sleep. But I was trying to sleep and couldn’t.

I have a sinus infection. Coughing up yellow shit is not attractive to anyone. In last night’s finale/marathon of Laguna Beach I heard a song by Keane that I like. Tonight’s episode of Real World wasn’t that good. I stopped watching halfway through. I saw my first episode of House tonight, and…meh. Do I watch a lot of TV? I guess. What a waste of time. Too tired and too much of s i n u s headache to do anything else.

Free pizza tomorrow at work. Nice. Hump day, get on over that hump and roll down it. New book, “The world is flat” (and many other biased world views in a multitude of pages and small simple facts and anecdotes leading to a roundabout way of making some semblance of a point).

I don’t understand the Firefox logo. It is a fox on fire that is surrounding the World. Like World Wide Web I suppose. It is all too literal. Whoever came up with it must have said, “This is it, this logo is perfect”. Guess what logo-comer-upper-guy? THERE’S NO MYSTERY TO IT WHATSOEVER! Don’t you want to be hip chic post-mod W in ’06 stylin’ wilin’ out and high ballin’ it ta death? Well, you could have made it MORE CONFUSING so that people could feel like they were part of this hip indy rock crew that everyone for some reason thinks they’re in, but really not because everyone is the same when they’re naked and scared of dying. Look at me, I’m bitching at the Firefox logo guys.

And this has turned in to a much longer post than I wanted it to be. 7 minutes though. Not bad as far as wasting time tonight.

ION I started off the post wanting to talk about money because I’ve lost $500 since last Thursday. Half my paycheck! Woohoo. Not really. Welcome to my life, post-bonus. Trying to play for real is hard. But, I’ve just got to adjust, and I’ve already made a mini-comeback tonight of $100. How do you make the Euro sign? Because that would be like EURO 67 or something like that. They kick our ass where currency is considered.

OK, I’m going now. Seriously. Evening y’all.

So Much Negativity

I’ve realized, I think a couple nights ago after my last blog post that there’s a TON of negativity in here. That’s not that fun to read, I think, so I’d like to spend the next few minutes writing about stuff I love, enjoy, and that overall make me happy, because there are plenty of them and of course naming them off just has a good all around affect on me and possibly people reading. So, instead of rants for today, let’s try raves. These are in no specific rank, I’ll just pop ‘em off as they come along.

Craig’s list. I love craig’s list. Never before have I seen the internet come to such an immediate reality. Usually I email, browse web forums (like craig’s list), read the news, sports, blogs, and everything else possible on the web, but craig’s list is like immediate gratification at it’s finest, and not in a sick way. For example: About two months ago, a $5 computer I bought from Sharebuilder broke on me. The hard drive crashed. It started making weird “clicking” noises, and bam, game over. This I was ok with because it more than served it’s purpose, and had a return on investment of about 1000%. Yes, the investment was still $5, but still, I don’t know of any other investment that could possibly give you that kind of return in that short of time. Return on investments make me very happy, but that will be listed later. Anyway, craig’s list. I posted up my broken computer + monitor for free and within one day it was out of my house. Craig’s list is a great place to get rid of trash. And knowing that the service is free, and people are so trustworthy of others using it that I think really amazing things can happen. In fact, really amazing things are happening through the intarweb every day. But in general, I think Craig’s list is meant for the good.

A good, competitive game. There is nothing better than watching two teams, or two people battle back and forth. It could even be rock paper scissors for all I care. But if both of the parties involved are putting their entire being, their whole hearts in to the game, it means everything to them, and to me. Regardless of the outcome, I love to play and watch…almost anything. And yes, I may be overly competitive sometimes, but I blame my upbringing. Everything was a damn competition with the kids I grew up around. We even made a competition out of punting a soccer ball…throwing a football over the light pole…silly idiotic things like this. But thinking back on these things makes me very happy, and even last night, watching an intramural flag football game that was extremely close…I could do this at least once a week if I had the chance. Here’s hoping that my ex-football team the Athletic Supporters makes it to the championships this year. We were one game away last year!

Chocolate and cookies in general. I love chocolate. In fact, I have a mini crunch bar sitting on my desk right now that I’m going to peel open and consume. Cookies I think are the perfect dessert. Typically they don’t get the consumer very dirty, no utensils are needed, and they go great with milk. How many things go great with milk? A few I’m sure, but more than likely a cookie tops that list in so many books.

Music. Listening and playing. I was just thinking about this on the way home from work the other night. I know, I am a complete dork, but I don’t care, I’m going to admit it: While pulling out of the parking garage last night, I had my music tuned in to 106.1. I’m a total pop star fan boy, but I don’t care about admitting this either. The second latest Gorillaz song “Fun Inc.” I think it’s called was on. Suddenly while taking a left turn at my first light, I was in a club in pioneer square and imagined myself gyrating my hips and moving my shoulders and head in my awkward fashion. Oh yeah, I was stylin’ and singin’ along. Awesome. Also, I like to figure out piano and guitar songs that I hear and can’t get out of my head. It makes me happy to dissect things that everyone else thinks are the “best song ever” but when you plunk it out on the piano everyone thinks you’re some sort of genius, but in fact the music is really simple (maybe this is why they might be geniuses? Who knows.) Music and just sounds in general serve so many purposes for me. I think I might have to die if I were ever to go deaf.

I’ve been taking a shower downstairs ever since I moved home. Why? My sister and I wake up at the same time, and we both take showers right when we get up. So, I go downstairs. I like to say it’s because that shower has a taller nozzle (it does) but there is something I especially like about the downstairs bathroom: there is a window right next to the tub. I especially like this in the winter months. Why? Because I open that sucker wide open and I can feel the frigid air (40 degrees and below) blowing in and out of the bathroom. The mixture of that and a warm shower makes for an interesting time. Sometimes the gusts of wind will come and hit my back, but I flip around and let the water run down my back…ahhh, feels so good. So refreshing. Another great part of it is that once I’m done, I open the shower curtain to the window side and get a little bit of an air dry. But it is a freezing air dry. Right above the window though, there is a heater pointing downwards, and there is no way to describe this feeling…but imagine, you’re wet, you’ve just come out of the shower and you’re grabbing for your towel. Suddenly two gusts of air hit you, one from your right side and one from above you. I guess you can compare it to those bathrooms that have those blow dry machines. I like the way those feel. Add that to the list of “good feelings”.

Pounding hard on the clutch, shifting and flooring it. This is probably the only reason I drive a stick. Is to feel this rush. To have the ability to red line it through each gear I choose to and burn ridiculous amounts of fuel. When you’re stuck in traffic for 10 hours a week, once you get some open space whether it be on the side streets or on the freeway on ramp on a Friday night all you want to do is gun it. I don’t think automatic drivers can ever understand this feeling because…they just couldn’t. It’s almost like, with a manual, the car has become a living extension of you. How you control the engine is up to your feet and your hands. All the reports I’ve been reading has me thinking that the manual is the thing of the past which makes me very sad. I do not want to be lazy like everyone else, and the tiptronic or flipper pads are just as boring as an automatic would be. There is just something to be said about having the ability to “drop the hammer”. And burn outs? One of the most fun things to do when bored. *sigh* If we ever get to a point where there aren’t any more sticks I’m just going to buy old cars.

Ok, so I’m continuing on this rave post 24 hours later. I’ve got an hour left to my shift, so let’s see what I can come up with.

Discounts and sales. I love getting stuff cheap. If something is 50% off it almost doesn’t matter what exactly it is. 36E Padded bra? Sure. I might need that some time. Thank you discount! But seriously, if I get a coupon or rebates of any kind, I’ll look for any excuse to use them. You probably might find me in Linens and Things (although very late at night) with my $10 off $50. Online shopping is notorious for having major discounts (probably due to the lack of actual employees selling you the item and low overhead) and I like to do a lot of my purchases through online stores. Plus, then I have the ability to pine over things just by going to the web site. The last purchase I made was for my 20” LCD monitor. I thought about it for THREE WEEKS before I bought it and would stare at the picture online every night until I mustered up the strength to buy it. And I couldn’t have been happier.

Cuddling. I love to cuddle. Before Michelle and I were dating, we went to a LOT of concerts. That was like, “our thing”. And I think the way I snagged her (in my drunken state) was with a lot of cuddling. I needed someone to stay with me. Going home alone and drunk is one of the worst things ever, but let’s leave that out because this is a happy thread. So, I’d have her stay with me and cuddle until 2 and 3 in the morning until she was starting to fall asleep and then she would get up and leave. But cuddling with her is the best. Sometimes I laugh out loud when I’m cuddling with her because it’s so good. When that happens, I feel so lucky to be cuddling with her. Just talking about it makes me feel stupendous (I’m running out of adjectives here! My vocab sucks the past few days).

Q-tips. I don’t care. They say don’t stick them in to your ear, but I KNOW a lot of you guys do. Well, me too. I call them “eargasms”. Oh, so good. Cleaning out your inner ear. Who knows what kind of damage I’m doing, I don’t care. It just feels so good though. Almost like a massage for your ear.

Scaring people. This might not be that great for them, but I LOVE to scare people. Well, I like to get scared too, but getting scared but other people is fun afterwards, but it sucks right when it happens. Anyway, I like to sneak up on people, and my mom is notorious for this. She turns up the radio when she’s at home alone, and might be washing the dishes. I quietly open the lock on the door, slip off my shoes and glide on the wood floor until I’m right behind her. Then I grab her shoulders and yell, “MOM!” and she usually screams and tries to smack me a few times as I flee from her slaps and pinches laughing very hard. I do this to a lot of people though. Scaring people in general (because most people don’t expect it!) is a great thing to do. If one of your friends goes to the bathroom, just hide around the corner outside the bathroom and as they’re walking out, jump out at them. I once tried to do this at QFC, you would think that no one else would be in that bathroom, but I accidentally scared an older woman who dropped her purse and grabbed her chest. At the time I was HUGELY embarrassed and apologized profusely, but now that I look back on it, I can’t stop laughing about it.

Which brings me to my next point: Reminiscing. There is something to be said about having history with people. “Remember when?” I think is one of the greatest openers when you’re between friends that have multiple inside jokes and plenty of stories to tell. This is what is awesome about being friends with people for your whole life. When I look back on all the great times I’ve had, I realize that if I was forced to die today, I can say that I’ve lived a full enough life and definitely have been a lot more lucky than MANY people in this world.

Rewarding myself. I did this a lot in college, a lot less so now that I’m working. But, believe it or not, I worked my ass off in college. I may have seemed like a slacker, but I definitely put my work in when I felt like I needed to. And when I was finished with that last final, every quarter, I celebrated in my own ways. Maybe going out to party. Maybe having a few drinks with the roomy. Maybe going out to a good dinner on the Ave or downtown. There is this amazing feeling you get when you’ve worked so hard on something, and the moment you’re done with the test, or turned in that paper, or finished presenting, it feels like this giant weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Almost like you can fly. And I try to ride that feeling as long as possible.

Ok, that took 30 minutes. I’ve got 30 minutes to go. I think I can surf the web for that long. I’ve definitely got more to my list, but I’m not sure if I can accompany each of them with an explanatory paragraph. Maybe I will just list them.

http://www.pandora.com/
Popsicles followed by Gatorade followed by ice water on a hot day
Getting my hair cut/shaved
Pay day
3 day weekends
Fixing things/taking apart things with tools
Drinking cold bottled waters
Dancing with my headphones on
Sweet love
Comfy couches and beds
Warm slippers
Having the ability to be half naked most of the summer
Picking big boogers
Eating fast food/Applebee’s happy hour late in to the night/hot dogs/onion rings/tartar sauce
Mom’s home cooking
New shoes along with new shoe smell/new car smell
Wearing sweats
Going for a long run
Really soft Kleenex
Hot cocoa and a good book at SBUX
Grumpy old guys that call the seahawks “seachickens”
U-village mall because Jamba Juice being right next to the ram which is near Pottery Barn. Eat, drink a smoothie and then go rest on cool couches.
Massages, half the fun is paying to get naked (under towels!)
5 for $5 or 10 for $10…anything. Mrs. Field’s cookies, totino’s pizza…you name it, I’ll buy it.
Clothes that no one else has.
Pictures
Eavesdropping and people watching
Flamboyantly gay people along with homophobes
Christmas lights, Candle light (when the power goes out)
Not tying my shoes
Getting lost/traveling

And…now it’s time to go home. Maybe I should keep this list going? Probably not.

Annoying Things/Rants/Complaining

Ah, finally, a direct, full on rant post. Have you been waiting for one of these? Probably not. Most of my posts are the same thing anyway, so it’s not much different. But now it is time to give a “shout out” to all the little things that get my heart rate going at an accelerated rate, and my blood pressure a little bit higher. Look out heart attack! Here I come.

Tail gaiting in traffic. Traffic in general actually. Why do people DO THIS though? This morning, I’m driving down highway 9 and it’s backed up for at least the next 3 miles, with cars stop and go at about 5 miles per hour, MPH if you will. Now, unlike 85% of the rest of this lazy ass country I drive a stick. I’m an anal purist like that. Driving without a stick is not driving. It’s disabled driving. It gives you the opportunity to eat, smoke, do your makeup, talk on your cell phone and change the radio station while making sure your GPS navigation system is all working at the same time. When you drive a stick, good luck on doing HALF of that at the same time. Yes, sure, sometimes I drive with my knee. But still, I guarantee if we break it down when we look at accidents, the number of accidents per stick driver compared to the number of accidents per slush pump driver…the difference I think will shock people. Maybe we should just all switch back to manual! Imagine what a difference that would make on traffic. Probably none, because people are still idiots no matter what kind of car they drive.

Free right turn on red. People are turning LEFT in front of you jackass. NO ONE is coming. Just TURN. You’ve made a full and complete stop for the past MINUTE and watched as NO TRAFFIC IS COMING YOUR WAY. Just GO. I am on the horn about this one constantly. Way to go Mr. No Free Rights. You win the award for safest driver. And for those of you questioning these rants, here’s a little freaky statistic you might want to think about the next time you’re waiting at a stop light: Americans on average spend FIVE YEARS at stop lights. FIVE YEARS OF YOUR LIFE WASTED. I’ll probably end up above the average because of how bad traffic is around here, but at least I’m trying my best to keep close to the average.

Going 55 in the left lane. (this must just be a traffic rant then? Sure.) The left lane is meant for PASSING. Drive faster. Someone wrote in to the Seattle Times last month and said they camp in the left lane for a reason. “To make the highways safer for my fellow Seattlelites.” BULL HONKY! There’s a reason that people flash their brights at you and honk.

The best though are the people that cut you off and then give you the finger. I don’t think there’s anything better than this.

This reminds me of the family guy episode when Peter is a correspondent that does the segments about what really pisses him off.

To continue: People that receive emails, voicemails, text messages, and DON’T RESPOND. Why do you people do this? I’m leaving a voicemail, writing a text message, sending you an email for a reason. I’m LOOKING for a response. I want to know what you’re thinking, how you’re feeling, what your opinion is of something, whether or not I can meet up with you, grab my eye-glasses that I left there, where we’re going to meet for the night…I think this is the whole “one track mind” thing. And no, it’s not just guys that do this if that’s what y’all are thinking since I mentioned that. Everyone does it. Even I am guilty of it from time to time. But, I think I try harder than a LOT of people. There are those out there that get REPUTATIONS for never calling back, emailing back, texting back. I do not want to be one of these people.

People who are close minded about food. If you’ve never tried it before, how can you know whether or not you like it? Something that really irks me when I’m sitting in a Japanese or Chinese restaurant…hearing a woman, probably in her early 20’s next to us asking her boyfriend seriously, “Don’t they have fries or burgers here?” What the heck! What are you? There’s a reason that people eat the type of food that they do. It’s probably GOOD FOOD. And from what I’ve noticed, trying something new rarely kills a person. I think this kind of fear of the unknown is just unwarranted.

This is amazing, at this point I have run out of things to whine about. I will take a break writing until I think of more.

(3.72 hours later)

Have you seen that Passat commercial with the boom box at the edge of the garage roof and the song playing, “All By Myself”? That is an awesome commercial and that song is stuck in my head right now. That is all.