FUCK

You know what I hate the most about myself sometimes? Is the fact that I hold myself (and others) to some pretty high standards regarding a few things.

Well, it is about time I made this post. I don’t think I’ve ever used the subject line of “FUCK” before. So here you go. In all it’s glory.

Today, while bored at work, I was looking over my previous bills, knowing that my Comcast bill was due soon. Looking over my previous payments I realized that “FUCK!” I missed out on a couple bills. So here I am, sitting now. Realizing that it is MY responsibility and no one else’s that these bills get paid on time.

I’ve worked out a pretty successful bill paying method. And because I’m OCD and bored out of my mind, I’ll write it out for you. Obviously if things don’t go this way, things get FUCKED.

1) Get bill in mail

2) Open bill

3) Be happy and/or sad and/or surprised regarding bill

4) Bring bill upstairs

5) Pay bill using http://www.becu.org/ online bill payer (actually very nifty/helpful)

6) Write the word “PAID” in big BOLD graffiti marker pen writing. I do this because it feels good and I also know for sure that the bill is paid and I no longer have to worry about it.

7) Let the bill sit on the desk until it gets too cluttered and either Michelle puts it in our “important papers” folder, or is thrown away.

So guess what. Tonight I became a person I despise. And hating yourself is the worst feeling in the world. I don’t think I will be able to sleep tonight. Mainly it is for this reason: We got no interest financing on for both our TV and our other appliances. Sweet deal. Same as cash. Pay off the entire balance by X date and don’t pay a cent extra. Just like using your own money, but making monthly installments (how I look at it).

Anyway, I looked through a pile of mail that’s been sitting on the computer desk for at least 3 weeks now. What DO YOU KNOW!!! There’s 2 different bills there. And golly gee, they’re saying I’m past due! And they’re also saying I now owe late fees! Woohoo! I’m their favorite customer now! Before it was ME screwing them out of money…well, for you econ majors out there, TIME VALUE of money. They got it all back in fell swoop of the LATE fee. Or what I like to think of it as: The punishment for being an idiot.

Wow. Awesome. I’m a complete d-bag.

Let’s break it down as to how this issue occurred:

All steps from above, 1) through 4) were followed in all of their glory.

5) Somehow 5) became PUT BILL in important papers bin.

6) Is now sit in important papers bin until past due

7) Receive a late notice in mail that is never read as it is stacked in bunch of other mail

8) Sift through unread mail

9) Sinking feeling

10) Go to look in important papers bin

11) Realize that I did receive the bills, and somehow did not pay them, also realize that it is my RESPONSIBILITY TO PAY THEM

12) Get fucking pissed that it is my responsibility

13) Go to http://www.becu.org/ and pay double what is owed on the bills in an angry rage

14) Write FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK all over the bills, 2 out of 5 which are late and which also caused me a late fee, while the companies sit there and laugh because they made an extra $70 off of my stupidity.

15) Take a picture to remember the moment so it never happens AGAIN, and also for your viewing entertainment.

See how many more steps that is? It’s much easier if I adhere to my own standards and just pay fucking bills on time and look like a smart and good customer with it’s head on it’s shoulder, not the guy, who tomorrow will call both credit companies and ask for a one time refund based off the fact I have not had a late payment the past 7 months (wow what great history) but whatever, I’m going to beg. And yes, $70 is just enough money to get me to beg for a refund. Fuck $20 would’ve been.

Wow. It’s going to be tough to sleep tonight. It’s also going to be hard to not blame Michelle. My life sucks right now. Did you want a Vegas trip post? Too bad. We drank a lot and I spent a ridiculous amount of money. Anything else you need to know? Ok. One more post for this month. That’s all you get. It’ll probably be the cold feet post next time. Oh and if you couldn’t tell or I forgot to write, that’s a picture of 5 of the monthly bills I have…it says “FUCK” all over them.

Seriously. Fuck.

So "Frickin" Picky

The shoes I own I’ve now had for more than a year and a half. In fact, in 3 months I will have owned them for 2 years. They smell horribly, look like they’ve been run through mud a few times (which they have) the soles have little traction left and they just give my entire look (when I wear them) an overall “shabby/I don’t care what I look like” look. Which, I really don’t. But still. I need new tennis and/or running shoes. Sometimes I just want to be that guy that has clean white shoes. Because clean white shoes stand out. It’s like that brand new car. You can always tell when someone’s driving that brand new car because it’s got the temporary license number in the upper left hand corner of the back window, it is spotless, and the license plate advertises the place they purchased it from.

Plus it’s got that new car smell. And I wonder how many people buy those cars just for that new car smell. I have heard it is toxic. The pleasure derived from that smell though is worth it. New shoes have a smell to them too. At least Nike’s do.

Here is the problem, as I see it: 1) I need shoes that will last me a long time. The current pair I am wearing has done a fabulous job of staying together, and compared to other pairs of running shoes I owned, really doesn’t smell that bad after a year and a half. 2) I need shoes that not everyone else has. I hate it when I see another guy with my same shoes. In this regard, you can call me a woman. 3) I am picky overall when it comes to what I wear. Most things just don’t “fit me right” or are the “wrong color”. Other than shoes, I have a minimum wait time for clothes to be included in my “daily rotation”. I guess this is why shoes are so important to me. Is because the day I get them (in the mail since I order from Eastbay because no one but Nordstrom’s carries my size 14s, and their selection sucks when it comes to my size) is the day I put them on.

I always say to myself when I find a pair of shoes I really love, “I should have bought two pairs”. Why? Here I am now, stuck with old stinky, dingy shoes, wishing I had a new pair of the same shoes. But because of my pickiness, I haven’t seen a shoe that absolutely grabbed my attention like every pair or every piece of clothing I own (other than needed stuff like jeans/khakis/socks). So now, I am waiting. Waiting for someone to put out a shoe (preferably with some white in it for that clean look) that looks good to me.

I just ordered a pair of white pumas, but of course they were backordered, only to be cancelled on me. Lovely. Every single one of my groomsmen gets a pair and I don’t get one.

And sometimes, this kind of stuff just sickens me. Because 80% of the rest of the world would just be happy owning more clothes. Or new clothes for that matter. But because I work, because I earn money, that gives me the opportunity of choice. Suddenly if I’ve got the ability to spend $200 online on a new pair of shoes, the entire world opens up to me. So many brands, so many styles…too many choices. Really, I don’t need new shoes. I just want them. For some reason there’s still that little kid in me, that believes that when I put on new shoes I can run faster and jump higher. I literally used to get home from the mall in my brand new Reebok pumps and run around the cul-de-sac feeling like suddenly I was 10-25% faster. I also used to, actually, scratch that, even to this day when I get home from being outside in my new shoes, I’ll grab a paper towel and wipe the shoes down. This will go on until about the 2-3 month mark.

I think one of the things I took from high school from one of my favorite teachers, Mr. Aetzel was that if you pay for quality, and maintain the product well, you’ll end up spending less than if you buy a crappy product but maintain it just the same. Quality will show over time.

Something I had completely forgotten about was my wedding band. I don’t know why this never crossed my mind. Michelle definitely mentioned to me that we had to go shopping for mine. And I found the one I want. I really wanted a graphite colored one. Nothing very bright at all. Of course the one I want is $1500. And it is “the one”. Unfortunately Michelle and I are too cheap to get it. So, she brought home alternate ones for me to try on. They look similar, but they just are not “the one”. I don’t know if anyone feels this way about things too. But I have to absolutely love something to buy it. It has to be perfect. This way, I rarely deal with buyer’s remorse. I guess part of what I don’t understand is how we can spend more than $10K on her ring and less than 20% of that price on mine.

Maybe this is so typical of how men and women are in the US. I think women have felt the need to be showered with material gifts to feel loved whereas men, not really. Sometimes I wonder if men even really need to feel loved at all. Honestly, I would opt out of the wedding ring if I wasn’t told I had to wear one. My dad doesn’t wear one. I’m just not a big fan of accessories at all. Never wore a watch. Never will get my ears pierced, or anything else for that matter. And a ring on my finger? Eh, ok. If I’m going to wear something for the rest of my life, at least get me something that I wouldn’t mind seeing on there.

6 days until we leave for the bachelor party. 23 days until the wedding. Should I be scared that I’m not scared? Hmmm…

PSA RE: Traffic

This is a Public Service Announcement to all bad drivers in Washington state (note: I understand that a lot of drivers here are transplants from: California. Arizona. New York. Texas. India. China. Japan. And a multitude of other areas/places. This is what makes this area so great/diverse but at the same time, overcrowded.) as if any of a majority of this area would read this post anyway. But maybe if people find it interesting and/or agree with it they could pass it along to their fellow Seattleites.

When driving on the freeway in normal traffic I have seen a rash of drivers wanting to cause slow downs and back ups. Do you like traffic? Do you like getting bad mileage on your car and not treating your engine well? Do you like sitting in the heat and smelling all the fumes of cars around you? If you do, then by all means please continue to do the following things. If not, please try reading through my check list and see if you do any of these things. Remember, if you start to feel defensive while reading, you could be guilty too. I’m hoping that all of us sharing a little common sense while driving will ease traffic issues…but probably not.

1) The left lane is the FAST lane. If you see someone passing you on the right, giving you the stare of death, or the finger, this means that you are going TOO SLOW for them. Yes. Some people are crazy and go 130 mph down the freeway. If you see them barreling towards you, and you are going 50 mph in the left lane, 10 mph slower than the speed limit, GET OUT OF THE WAY. Do not cause an accident by blocking them. Do not cause a back up by break checking them, thus causing them to lose control of their vehicle and create a 14 car pileup. We all have times when we are in a hurry. In fact, there are those out there, like myself that don’t like to waste time driving at all. Especially on the weekdays. So when you see me driving 85-90 in the left lane and flashing my brights at you it doesn’t mean I hate you. It doesn’t mean anything personal. This is my way of telling you that you are moving too slow and like the point says, the left lane is the fast lane. If you see a line of cars start to stack up behind you and you can’t figure out why? If you think that by going slower you’re keeping everyone else safe, this is incorrect. Those who are in a hurry will begin to tailgate…which brings me to...

2) Tailgating. Riding someone’s ass isn’t going to make them go any faster. Especially old people, and those who are completely oblivious to what’s going on around them/complete idiots trying to prove a point. By leaving less space between you and the car in front of you, you create issues for not only yourself but those in front, to the sides and behind you. Especially when tailing SUVs, trucks, or other cars where you can't in front them. Ever seen a blow out happen on the freeway before? I have. And luckily the person driving the van handled it masterfully. On top of that, they were driving in the middle lane and no one was tailing them. If a situation like this occurs, do you think you’ve left enough space in front of you to not rear end this person? From what I’ve seen in heavy traffic situations, probably not. Leave enough distance for you to stop if anything were to go wrong. And instead of tailing, why not figure out a way to pass them? There are alternatives to getting pissed off yourself, and possibly angering another driver.

3) Merging. This is the bane of my driving experience. This is what creates 70% of traffic. It is that bad. And lucky me, I now get off in time at 3 pm to see a few bad apples ruin it for the rest of us. A few things: When merging, get up to freeway speed and either get in front of someone, or get behind someone in the flow of traffic. It sounds simple enough, but the amount of times I see people fail at it time and time again…it is just ridiculous. I think the reason that people are so bad at it is because they lack guts. Balls. Aggression. It’s like that person that stops at yield signs no matter what. If your car can fit between two cars, take it. Hopefully the people you are merging in to aren’t assholes and let you in. Which is the secondary point to this. If you are driving on the freeway and see a large number of cars trying to merge in to the far right lane, and suddenly the right lane opens wide, there is a reason for this. The rest of us logical people are MOVING out of the way for the oncoming merging traffic. I don’t think there is anything worse while driving than seeing the asshole who grabs the opening in the right lane, speeds through it, only to cut off people who are merging…good job buddy, you saved yourself about a minute travel time. But back to those who have trouble merging. NEVER STOP. If you are merging in to moving traffic, you should never touch your brakes. Merging is an art form of keeping a safe distance with the people in front of you who are merging and the people next to you who are whizzing by on the freeway. If you don’t know how to do it properly, or are deathly afraid of merging, I’d recommend staying off of the freeways for everyone else’s sake.

4) One more quick note regarding freeway driving. If you weren’t aware, you have other options than the gas or the brake. I have noticed a lot of you other drivers out there only choosing one of these options: Gas or brake. Now, I’m not sure, do you think your car dies if you’re not using the gas? Have you ever heard of coasting before? You can let off the gas if you want to slow down a little bit. Just to give everyone the heads up…even touching your break causes a chain reaction. People see red lights and immediately they think they also have to slow down. When in fact, that person that is no longer touching their gas and has instead switch to “brake mode” is doing just that, not gassing, so braking. When in fact, they’ve got 10 car lengths in front of them, and even enough space to coast to a stop if need be. In fact, we should all be leaving enough room between us and the cars in front of us that if they do apply pressure to their brakes, we can coast for a little bit before deciding to brake ourselves. This will definitely help the flow of traffic.

5) The “free right”. I know. It’s counterintuitive. It’s scary. I know. But you’ve got to do it. It’s not against the law. It’s a red light you say? I know. So stop first. Look to your left. Is anyone coming? No? Then go. Other than someone almost hitting me, being stopped for no reason (whether you thought a green light meant “stop” or fell asleep at the light or don’t have the guts for the “free right”) these are the only times that I will honk. And people in Seattle seem to take the “honk” so personally! It’s not that I hate you and think that your family should die…All I’m trying to say is: LOOK! You can go! I’m waiting! Now go! That’s it. Nothing more.

And with that, I’ll get off my soapbox. That’s all the preaching I wanted to do. (For now). NINE DAYS UNTIL THE BACHELOR PARTY IN VEGAS! *So excited*

Stream of consciousness

So, I wanted to really free write. I know that I wanted to make a few points in this post, and I’m sure I’ll get to them, but I’m going to write whatever comes to mind. Because I wrote at the beginning of this month that I slacked off last month, and for that reason, I’m going to post at least once more before this month is over. And no slacker posts like the one about my physics of music notes…although it was interesting to me to see those.

We’re now past the halfway point in summer. It’s amazing how quickly it’s gone. I swear, suddenly it’ll be November again and I’ll be wondering what happened to those warm days where I could sit with the window wide open, typing this to you in my boxers like I am right now. I’m going to be wondering what happened to feeling the wind on my face as I drove down 405 with the windows rolled down. I’m going to be preparing for the first Christmas in this house. But that’s for December, so expect a post about that later.

Reflecting back on my first half of summer, I really want to remember two things. And these were very fun things. Both of course, very simple, yet for some reason to me very pleasurable.

I hated hated hated the dog at first. There are still times, like right now when she’s crying and barking and it’s 11 pm at night that I still hate the dog. Or maybe dislike is a better word now? Ok, dislike. But the dog makes me happy for two reasons. First is the fact that every time I come home (I am the first to come home) she is ready with tail wagging, going crazy, running around, jumping all over my legs, licking my hands, not holding steady when I’m putting on her collar. Because you know what? They don’t know how crappy your day was. They don’t care how tired you are. They are happy to see you and glad that you are home now. You begin to get the sense they never want you to leave. I have been the most calm this summer when Lola is calm and I am petting her. I would post a picture of her being calm right here, but I am too lazy to crop it from the 1600 X 1200 size it currently is in. Nice job, “Medium” setting on my Canon. Pffftt…

The second reason I really am enjoying Lola is how she runs. She is probably 4 inches off the ground, but she is a speedster. And only a few times have I been successful in tiring her out. Most of the time she is looking for more, and I am drenched in sweat trying to catch my breath. Why? She’s a chaser. You run, she runs after you. You stop, she stops, and you can run after her. As part of my daily workouts (let me get to that later) these past few months, I’ve been sprinting all around the house, all around the yard, and even around the neighborhood park with her. Seeing how happy she is that she caught me just makes my day. And I know it sounds cheesy, but I don’t care. The fact that she runs as fast as I sprint is great. We make for great races. Come watch us run around some time when you get the chance.

The other thing I wanted to mention is finding summer basketball heaven. Every year I’ve tried to find “that court”. The one where wannabe gang bangers don’t roll up and bump their music. The one where the lights stay on all night. The one that’s got grass surrounding it, and flat grass at that, not the one on top of the hill where the ball rolls WAY down the hill if you’re not careful or air ball it. The one with regulars that don’t talk trash and are there just to have fun like me. It may be a little far from my home, but it’s worth every penny of gas and mile on my car. I cannot get over how good this court is. This is my 4th consecutive week playing there and every time I come home wanting to go back tomorrow. But I don’t. I go once a week. It’s my little “away” time from the girls.

We used to play down here in the business parks. 3 am, no one around, just playing HORSE for money. But the court wasn’t well lit, and if we stayed for long enough, we’d get kicked off of private property. This new court I play at is a park. And it’s called “Hidden Valley” for a reason. Seriously if someone hadn’t given me directions to the place, I would’ve never found it. Perfect, secluded location. It’s like driving through a forest and BAM you’re on a park. Thank you Alex Akita for showing me the way.

I guess now for some kind of bad stuff to write about. I slacked. I’m such a loser. I totally slacked. In June I said to myself, “Ok Seth, you’ve got 2 and a half months to get in shape before the BP…DO IT…GET CUT…NO EXCUSES”. But I came up with excuses. I came up with 30 hours of poker (Without which, I wouldn’t be bringing an extra $500 to Vegas with me). I came up with taking care of Lola while Michelle was running around at weddings.

Did I mention, weddings suck? I never want to be part of one again until I’m invited to one that is not obviously my own. That is, unless the BP is going to be rocking hopefully like mine is.

Anyway, fast forward a month and a half, and I’m left sitting here 18 days away from the bachelor party, only doing my normal routine. Not pushing it at all. Not working to get cut. Just sailing along. Which during any other summer would’ve been fine. I mean, I keep up with the guys on the court just fine. But I wanted my abs back. I wanted my definition. And at this point, I have to be real with myself and just do the best I can with what little time I have left. 2 and a half months I feel is enough time to change a body. Especially one like mine where I maybe have to lose 15 pounds to be an ideal weight. And it wasn’t even about the weight with me. It was about losing my love handles (he laughs) and my beer belly. But just like in college I procrastinated, and now I’m sitting here trying to make up for lost time. Going on runs twice as long as I should be, thinking I’ll be working out all weekend other than Max and Erika’s wedding...really pushing myself with the weights. I mean by now I should’ve been on my “tone and firm” stage of the redevelopment of my body. Instead I’m on a crash course to who knows where…hopefully not sickness.

Regardless, I’m still in great shape and have been working out at least 2 days a week for the past month and a half. I really should have pushed it to 4 days a week, but now I’ll be going 6 days a week. *sigh* Why do I always do this to myself? Procrastination, you’ve screwed me over once again.

Just want to be over with it

I just paid our Comcast bill and also our bill for our appliances. Just those two amounted to more than $300.

I am a very impatient person. And because I am very impatient, it means I don’t want to make payments. I don’t want to make monthly payments to pay off things. Because every time I make a payment, that means another month has passed. And I could look back over the month and definitely see good things, fun things, good memories, but I see them less frequently than I’d like to.

It’s weird to think about exactly how many people spend 30 years in a house and pay the whole thing off. I can’t imagine doing that. I can’t imagine the person that spends 30 years in the same house, making the same payment every month and then at the end of 30 years, exactly 360 monthly payments later, gets the deed to their house and finally outright ownership. Obviously, this won’t be the case for Michelle and me. I don’t imagine us paying 360 payments to pay this house. We’re already paying over the amount we owe every month. And once we finish with our appliances and TV, we’ll be able to pay even more in to our mortgage…but…

It’s not coming soon enough. It’s not going fast enough. I don’t have the patience. I’ve been in this house for exactly 5 months as of this Friday. So that means I’ve got 356 more payments to go, because we didn’t make a payment the first month we were in here. I want to look 5 years down the road and miraculously have this thing paid off. It was the same way with my car. 5 year loan, finished in 2 and a half years. I got antsy. And yeah, sure all of those econ majors out there can point to me and say, “Well what about the time value of money?” And to that, I say, I feel better if money isn’t being sucked out of my account. I’d rather be broke and not see money come out of my account, then see lots of money come in to the account and just funnel straight out of it. For some reason that latter is much more painful to me, for reasons that would probably be pretty hard to describe.

When I was paying off my car, they expected a payment of $275 or something like that every month. But I was paying $500 a month. And on my last payment, I dumped $1200 off to them just so I could be done with it. I think here’s part of the reason, no the main reason why: Is because I hated seeing that money leave. This is the reason that I felt like writing this blog post tonight, is because I was kind of sick at this point of my mortgage coming out. And I’ve only got 29.5 years left of it. And of course, everyone can say it’s an investment. Yes, it is, I agree. Every dollar we put in to this house will come back to us hopefully double. That is barring any disaster, and assuming that we sell it. It will be hard to sell it though. The only thing I dislike about it is the school district. And that can be fixed by just plain old good parenting.
I just think about the $2800 coming out every month out of our joint account and I cringe. I mean, really, what could we do with that money? At the least save it. That was another point that I wanted to make. Is that I never wanted money so I could buy things with it. I just wanted money to have a lot of it. Because having that cushion for some reason feels really great. The moment we’ve got 6 months of mortgage payments in cash in the bank is the day that I’m going to feel better about this. And from my calculations, if Michelle and I don’t get raises (which we will) that point will be 4 years from now.

And thinking about 4 years from now is for some reason a pretty heavy weight. I mean, we could have a child by then. What then with that nest egg? Does it then go to the child? Does Michelle quit her job to stay home with child? Or do I? Are my parents or hers retired? How many days a week can they take them? Do I work part time? How long can we stay at home and how far does that push back retirement? What does a huge wind fall of money do? What happens if I get lucky?

I can’t even think about what the plan is for this coming Tuesday, 2 days from now, let alone 4 years from now. I am thinking too much. I should really think, and stress less. But it is hard. Because I want to be comfortable. And I think that being comfortable, or at least getting there takes a lot of discomfort. Was there a sign up sheet for this? I don’t remember volunteering for it.

My mind erases

Retention period: As long as needed or wanted.

Surfing through some old papers, I found this. And looking at it, I have no idea what it is at first glance.

Nothing really to talk about other than I feel like shit, but here it is...I think some smarter people may know what this used to help me with.

-Longitudnal waves deal with wiggling the air molecules back and forth in the direction of the wave.
-Transverse waves acts like the motion of a rope shaken up and down at one end. (perpendicular)
-Slope of a graph of position vs. time is equal to velocity.
-Newton’s 2nd law: F=MA
-Acceleration is the change in velocity over the change in time.
-Pressure is the application of force acting perpendicular to surface area.
-Force deals wither either a push or pull, may distort the object, changes it’s motion.
-Pressure is a force distributed over a certain area. P = F / A
-Work is done when a force is applied to an object that moves = F(D)
-Pressure of the atmosphere on our bodies is 10^5 Newtons / Meters^2 (15lbs/in^2) at sea
-Formula for a displaced guitar string: Potential energy = (2T / L)y^2 where T is equal to the tension in the string, L = length of string and Y is the distance of displacement
-Speed of sound: 343 m/s Gravity: 9.8 m/s^2 .305 meters in 1 ft
1 kg = 2.2 lbs 1 pascal = 1 N/m^2
-Difference between light and sound? About 10^6 m/s
-Kinetic energy = 1/2 M V^2 where M = mass and V = velocity
-Potential energy of a raised object = MGH where M = mass, G = gravity, H = Height
-Equation for a spring: F = -K(y) where Force (F) acts on K (spring constant) with
displacement of (y).
-Frequency of vibration is caculated: f = 1/T where T is the period of one vibration
-Frequency in hertz: f = 1 / 2(pie) * sqroot: (K / M)-Frequency of a pendulum: f = ½(pie) * sqroot (g / l) where g = gravity, and l = lenth
-Frequency of helmholtz resonator: f = [V / 2(pie)]* sqroot (a / VL) a is neck. V is
volume and L is the length of the neck.
-Tuning forks, principal mode will be struck at the bottom, clang mode near the top. Best
position to listen to a tuning fork is between the prongs at the top.
-Node: an area where there is no vibration, where sinusoidal graph intersects 0.
-One cent = 1/100th of a half-step
-Log functions are typically Logbase10, (Logbase10)100 = 2.
-(Log base 10)1 = 0 because 10^0 = 1, (logbase10)10 = 1 because 10^1 = 10
-If (log base 10)2 = .3, then we can derive (logbase10)4 by saying 2(log10)2 = .6
(logbase10)6 by saying 3(log10)2 = .9
-Frequency ratios: in logbase2, equation: 1200 X logbase2 (F2 / F1)
-Given 386.3cent, what is the frequency ratio?
386.3 = 1200(logbase2)(F2/F1)
386.3/1200 = logbase2(F2/F1)
2^(386.3/1200) = F2/F1 >>> 1.25 or 5/4
-Decibels: in logbase10, equation: 10logbase10
-Wave velocity equation: V = f(lambda) where f = frequency and lam = wavelength.
If “f” waves pass and crest at lambda meters apart^^^
-Longitudinal waves travel at v = sqroot (E / P) where E = elasticity, and P is density.
-Reflection of sound: The angle of incidence is equal to angle of reflection. The
reflected transverse wave is reflected like in a mirror when returning.

-Frequencies increase as you go towards the source (higher tone), lower when moving
away from the source.
-Speed of sound waves in ideal gas formula: V = sqroot: (Y R T / M) where Y and R are
constants for the gas, T is absolute temperature and M is molecular weight of gas.
-Doppler effect frequency: F = [Fs](V+Vo/V) where Fs is frequency of the source, Vo
is the speed of the observer, and V is speed of sound.
-If the source is in motion then the equation is F = [Fs](V/V-Vs) where Vs is
the speed of the source.
-Refraction occurs when the speed of waves changes which can result in a change in
direction or propagation.
-Diffraction occurs when waves encounter an obstacle, they bend around the obstacle.
-Frequency of modes equation to the nth mode: Fn = n(v/2L) where L is the length
of a string with both ends fixed, and N is the number mode currently in.
-In a bar or rod: fn = n/2L * sqroot: (E/p) where E is young’s elastic modulous and for
the material, p is it’s density.
-For a vibrating string: Fn = (n/2L) * sqroot: (T/u) where T = tension in the
string and u is equal to the mass per unit of length.
-Find first 2 modes of vibration of pipe .75 m long:
f1 = v/2L = 343 / 2(.75) = 229 Hz
f2 = 2v/2L = 2(343) / 2(.75) = 457 Hz
-Acoustic Impedance equation: Za = p / U where p = sound pressure to volume velocity
U. Measured in acoustic Ohms.

Lawn Care

So, I haven't written a lot lately.

I've been busy.

And at the same time, I've been lazy.

So I will make a concerted effort to write more, because otherwise I lose track of my life...I lose things I was thinking, I can't look back a year from now and say, "Hey, I remember thinking about that".

Over the past few weeks, I've been thinking a lot about how naive I was as a child. In fact, it comes up every time I water my lawn...which has been about every 3 days.

Let me tell you the story of my lawn. My lawn has been the greenest in the neighborhood since the sun started showing it's rays. I thought it was just fine. Other lawns were browning, neighbors were fertilizing and watering, shaking their heads not understanding how my lawn could be so green and theirs turning brown already. I laughed it off inside my mind and figured I was just "lucky".

Really, I wasn't. The brown caught up to me quick. I honestly thought our front yard was dead within a few weeks and that we would have to replant the grass. But before I continue down that road, I want to talk about my thought pattern as a child. I used to think how silly it was to waste all that water...on stupid grass? When millions of people don't get fresh water, we sit here and waste it on our grass...something that doesn't even provide us with shade...or at least a flower...The first time I really watered the lawn, running the sprinkler in front and watering by hand in the back, this is all I could think of. Was how as a child I used to tell people how cars were bad, how we were destroying the earth, how the rain forest was being destroyed...I used to think that I would never drive a car. I would take the bus, or even better I would run or bike to work. What happened between then and now? I can't pinpoint it. Well, maybe I can.

In a bullshit lecture I took at UW, geography 100...in fact, I think one of my first freshman classes ever that I didn't do too amazing in...We had a scale shown to us on the giant projection screen. A scale from 1 to 5. 5 being the tree huggers, someone who would chain themselves to a tree before they let it be cut down, and then the people who were 1s. Those that didn't recycle, didn't pay attention to "no burn bans", you get the point. The professor asked, "Ok, raise your hand if you are a 5". A few people raised their hands, as expected. I'd say maybe 10%. "Raise your hand if you are a 4". More people raised their hands. "3" Almost everyone in the room raised their hand. I began to put my hand up when the little class clown/sarcastic bastard inside of me yelled out, "WAIT!". So I held on, not sure what was going to happen."2". About the same amount of people as "5" had their hands raised.

He said, "Ok then, how about the 1s?"
*hand raised*
*looks around*
*realizes that no one is raising their hand*

"You sir! You!" The professor yelled up.
"Me?" as I pointed at myself
"No, him in the balcony...what's your name?"
Relieved, I realized that ONE other person had raised their hands. They were in the balcony though so I couldn't see them."My name's Forrest".

*The auditorium burst in to laughter at the irony*

"Well Forrest, why did you raise your hand?"

*Forrest sounded high*

"Well, uhhhh...well, uhhh...yeah, you know, burning trees isn't so bad, it can give you heat and you can make s'mores and stuff"

*more laughter*

The professor tried to come up with some sort of rebuttal, but to no avail...the class had been lost at that point. Finally after calming everyone down, he pointed at me.

"Ok, now you. What's your name?"

"Seth"

"Alright Seth, well go on, tell us why your the guy that's out to kill the Earth"

"...I just figure that we're all going to die anyway right? So if we're going to die, why don't we use up all the resources we have available to us to make our time as enjoyable as possible?"

*stunned, the auditorium bursts in to more laughter...my face starts to get red*

"Oh, that's quite the ideal you've got there Seth...just the same crap that generations before us have passed down to us right? Screw the children, they can figure it out for themselves right?"

At that point, I could kind of tell he was irked by what I had said. He was probably hoping to get out of this lecture without dealing with a bastard like me. I conceded to him. It was his class.

"Yeah, sure, something like that".

And actually, other than getting a 3.2 in that class, that is the only thing I remember...that and my "group session with TA" where everyone ragged on me for looking like an idiot.

Enough of a tangent.

Obviously my thoughts on this planet changed. I'm struggling with it though. As a child how could I have been so gung ho about saving this Earth? And suddenly as I grew older, take a 180?

I water my lawn to keep the grass greener on my side. I do a little victory dance when I see major brown spots in my neighbors yards and not mine. It is horrid. The amount of water I used on my lawn tonight could've probably nourished or bathed an entire village of 200 in Africa somewhere. I left the sprinkler on for 2 hours. I can't imagine how many gallons I used...fresh, clean water. I know they don't say to drink from the hose, but that is 10 times better than drinking from a pond that animals and other humans bathe in...

So just like, or so I believe, many other Americans that are struggling with the feeling that we've got to do our part...I'm not sure what to do. I've volunteered, I've donated money, I recycle and don't waste whenever possible...but still there's that little person inside of me still thinking those idealistic thoughts...the kid that wants me to ride my bike to work tomorrow, the kid that doesn't flush unless he goes #2 to conserve water, the kid that used to tell his parents to turn down the TV so he could concentrate on his book...I miss him a lot.

But it's been this conformity that has molded me. Everyone else drives to work. Everyone else waters their lawn. And just like everyone else, I pay the bills that allow me to enjoy all the natural resources available to me. We're all a bunch of lucky SOBs.There are some other things that I wanted to talk about other than my lawn. But I suppose that will have to wait until my next write. I'm going to hold myself to writing at least 4 times this month...and with that, goodnight.

I don't see the buses anymore

I know, my last post was a bit depressing...I'll try not to continue that trend. But I have to start off with this:

On my way to work this morning, and on the way to work every morning, I see the kids standing at the end of their respective drive ways, backpacks on shoulders, hair wet from the rain, some listening to head phones, others chatting, some on skateboards, others wearing clothes that are meant for people 5 times their weight...

And sometimes I get stuck behind a bus. Usually the wait isn't too bad. Kids are good about getting on and off buses, and most of the time I'm not behind the disabled bus. Thank God for not being disabled BTW.

I realized on the way to work that I soon wouldn't be seeing the kids in the coming week. Summer break is here. The last real summer I had was probably the best. The summer between 8th and 9th grade. And of course, here are my parents telling me to get a job...at 14? HAH. "Steve has a job". Well yeah, Steve worked basically illegally for family friends at the fruit market. Steve would come over and just hang. We would just sit there until something would come along. Bike down to thrashers? Great. Play basketball? Awesome. Toss the baseball if your dad can drive us to the Kirkland waterfront? Excellent. We get invited to ride on the jet skis of my neighbors? Wow. What a great time. What an excellent summer. All I worried about was mowing the lawn. Saturday? Ok. Mow the lawn.

Looking back now, I wasted so much time. Just sitting there. Watching TV. Watching at least 3 hours of TV a day. Hell. I had nothing else to do. I used to wake up to my mom watering the plants outside and just go sit out there in the morning sun in my boxers. 9:30 am. What a perfect time to wake up. And every night. Every night, it was mariners on TV. Dad BBQing. If I had even known that in a few years I would be working 8 hours a day while the sun came up and over my head, 70 degrees out and people going off the rope swing at Saint Ed's...if I had known that I would be stuck in a cubicle all that time I would've been going non stop those summers...because I guarantee I wasted about a quarter if not half of each summer I had.

So that's what I want. I want a summer. I want 3 long months. June 15th to September 15th. Sure, I'll go back after labor day. That's fine. I can compromise. June 15th to September 3rd or 4th...whatever the Tuesday is. In the working world that's what we would call a sebattical (sp) medical leave...am I pregnant? No. I just want the ability to just "hang". Maybe I should consider going back to being a poker pro...*heh*

Waterfights. July 4th. Baseball. Pick up basketball games. Girls in short skirts and tank tops. Washing and waxing the car. Sunsets at 10 pm. Ice cream. Tan skin. Sunglasses. Flip flops. Never looking at a calendar or a clock, no schedule whatsoever. Eating outdoors. Camping.

It's unrealistic. But it's a dream that I've lived before. If only I had known how good I had had it. Maybe some day I'll get another chance to experience that kind of freedom. That feeling of the last day of school. I thought I would get it before my 2 weeks of vacation at work...just wasn't the same.

It's late. I'm screwed for work tomorrow. Going to be very tired.

Detachment

I feel so far from everyone and everything

Today at work I maybe said 15-20 words to one of my coworkers

And that's when this feeling started to settle in, I'm hoping it will go away soon, but I'm afraid it won't. I drive to work alone every morning. Even if I took the bus, rarely would I meet someone that I could talk to normally on a daily basis.

I can't even hang out one on one with people for more than a few hours. I've lost a lot of my social skills I think. And I think I can see where it might be coming from.

Competition. Everything is a god damned competition to me. The simplest things become games in my head that I've got to win. If it has to do with something between you and I, I'm going to try my hardest to make sure that you are the loser. This attitude doesn't work very well in a casual social setting. I've tricked people in to making competitions of things by "betting on it". Something has always got to be riding on it for it to be worth anything to me. But that's not even it. I feel like it's enticing for others to "bet on it" against me.

Technology. The only time I talk to anyone outside of Michelle it's through email. It's someone reading this blog right now. It's the ICQ I send to my assistant manager who sits less than 5 feet from me. It's Nick chatting with me through IM. It's my cell phone. It's random people finding me on "myspace" and then trying to suddenly catch up on the last 6 years I haven't known them for. I'd say about once every 2 weeks do I actually get to spend quality time with a group of people, and this is important: When we're sober.

Alcohol/Drugs. Could I sit and just have a normal face to face conversation with the people I normally drink with, say, for two hours? I probably could. But it would be much easier if we were drunk or stoned. And to me, that's crazy. I didn't need that before I was however old when I started drinking. When I started drinking, suddenly, wow, I had an excuse to be the wild person I like to be. And most of the time, people are laughing?

I just now realized that wordpad doesn't have any spell check. And on that note, I will stop writing because I am afraid of grammatical and spelling errors. I would write more, but I am stopping. Because what I am writing is depressing. And I don't want to be uncomfortable socially. I don't want to have to drink to have a good time. I want to be able to talk to my friends in person. Short blog post, that's probably the only thing to be happy about. It's almost Tuesday.

Side Note:

I feel like discussing a few different things tonight. Thus the title of tonight's post.

Side note: I can see the moon through the trees from my computer room. The soft light from the lamp behind me somehow keeps me warm although I am only in my boxers. Warm showers and days that I work out make for a very nice rest. I can already feel my eyes begin to droop.

Side note: Everyone has something wrong about them. Figure out what yours is and stop complaining about it.

SN ((side note) for those not following along): 90 degrees and 80% humidity is unbearable to some. Some have to use aircon.

SN: Nail pops, AKA house settling AKA WHAT THE FUCK...are there burglars in my house who are going to kill me? *scared* They are annoying. I bet if I lived in a concrete house I would be A) cold B) not afraid of my wood house and it's nail pops. Every time I hear a freaking nail pop I think someone is behind me. Luckily the shimmer off the plexi glass window in front of me reassures me that no one is behind me with a sawed off shot gun, unregistered by Washington state, ski mask and all.

SN: Reference moon SN. The moon is sinking. I once watched it "set" into the ocean. It was one of the most romantic nights of my life.

SN: "Zero percent interest for 1-X years (X being less than infinity) does not mean you never have to pay it.

SN: Seth: Hey, what you doing
Nick: Nothing
Seth: Aight, I'm coming over
Nick: Aight
*4 minutes, 38 seconds later*
Nick: Holy shit! Did you run here?
Seth: No, big wheel yatch! *points to plastic tricycle in Nick's yard*
Nick: Shit, you look hot
Seth: Yeah, got a drink of water?
Nick: Yeah, come on in.
*tv is on, Seth and Nick sit down on couch*
Seth: So what'd you do today? Fucking work man, I just worked. That's it, and biked here.
Nick: Yeah, nothing really. *itches* Umm, just studied for CPA.
Seth: You lucky bastard...better not be cheater bastard on these shits.
*Seth and Nick watch TV for 1.3 hours as Seth gets up to leave midway through "celeb hottest couples on VH1"*

Seth: Aight, I'm heading home
Nick: See you later

*high five*

SN: Running is awesome. Girls who run are hot.

SN: I am fucking excited for Vegas. However, going with Michelle is like watching my parents go. Who is asleep at 10:30 pm on every night they are in Vegas? Michelle and my parents and the rest of the AARP that goes to Vegas for who knows what reason...

Reasons I would like to go with Random Guy A with $1500 instead of Michelle (who I will refer to from here on out as RGAW/$1.5K ):

RGAW/$1.5K doesn't sleep the first night in Vegas. He drinks and stumbles back to his room at 5 in the morning and pukes on a sick bastard who is excercising (read: running) on the strip. He is pleased. Michelle on the other hand is asleep.

RGAW/$1.5K gambles with his own money. Michelle does not.

RGAW/$1.5K might win. If RGAW/$1.5K wins money he either A) buys Seth drinks B) helps pay for the hotel C) buys Seth food. Michelle "might" do C) if it's $40 or less.

RGAW/$1.5K understands that flying to Vegas is just a necessary evil that he must endure for 2 hours down there and 2 hours back. Michelle cries and pukes and scares Seth and makes him think he will die for a month leading up to the flight, while driving to the airport, while boarding the plane and while on the plane. The moment we land RGAW/$1.5K is excited to be in Vegas. Michelle on the other hand is dreading the flight home.

RGAW/$1.5K gets fucking drunk with Seth. Seth and RGAW/$1.5K pat each other on the back and talk about how they're best friends and retell stories they shared from their childhood although RGAW/$1.5K grew up in Hoboken, New Jersey, is 25 years Seth's senior and has had his nose broken 3 times from random drunken fist fights. Seth is afraid RGAW/$1.5K has been drinking too much tonight.

SN: I really want to write more about RGAW/$1.5K, but he's starting to get annoying. I was trying to prove how he was BETTER...I might have to rethink that one.

SN: It's not my fucking dog. Hind sight is 20/20.

SN: I've been flossing my teeth for the past 4 months, most of the time every other night, but sometimes every night so that my dentist will complement me on my teeth tomorrow morning at my dental appointment. I'm such a good little dog. When the dentist looks at your teeth and says, "well, I don't even have to do anything here!" you are proud but worried that your dentist is lazy.

SN: Last comic standing is hilarious. They are on their 4th season now and I wonder what happened to 4 years of my life. I watched TV for 24 minutes tonight including commercials. Perfect.

SN: Good advice given to Nick:

to dread tomorrow

is to waste today

SN: Did the color of my font change! FUCK! *too lazy to change it back*

SN: Yes, the moon IS setting. That's it, it's the end of the world.

SN: I wanted to end with something profound. But I think I really just ran out of SNs. My nipples are itchy though.

Being the "bigger" man

Just a real quick note before I hit the sack.

Tonight I did one of the biggest things I think I ever have done. At least for me. Or maybe is it one of the most mature...hmmm...I'm not sure. But things are slowly changing for me, making it easier and better for me to grasp life.

Just as an example, the other day I decided not to rush to work. Sure, I was late. I'm rarely late. Out of the 250 days, I would say I was late about 10 of them.

And by late, I mean 3 minutes. I mean, c'mon. Anyway, it's not worth my stress. If they're going to talk to me about being late less than 5% of the time, I'd love to hear it. But that's the thing I really think I'm slowly starting to grasp. I do adult things, but part of my mentality is still that of a selfish child. "GET OUT OF MY WAY! I'M LATE TO WORK!" Does anyone else on the road really give a fuck? No. They don't. And when I cut them off, I ruin their day too. When they give me the finger, they just further the stress that is so debilitating. This is the stuff that makes people break down. "Falling Down" I'd like to reference as a great movie. I always thought that something like that might happen to me. Hopefully not.

Anyway, let me share with you this story:

Tim is a balding white guy that stands about 6' and weighs 185 lbs. He looks to be in his late 20s. Every time I've seen him at the gym he's been playing basketball. The guy has a scowl that most people would be afraid of. He literally looks like he could kill you with his hands if he got the chance. I've played with him 3 times. Only once on his team. The one time I was on his team it was absolute hell. Yelling at everyone else to pick up their sorry asses. Telling them how weak they were. Telling them where to go, when to shoot and calling them idiots anytime they do anything he doesn't like. Not only does he verbally berate his own (now mind you, this is LA Fitness, this is the heart of Mill Creek. Big news in Mill Creek makes for a power outage or a T-bone at a local intersection, maybe the new opening of a sushi bar or pizza joint)...players, he also pushes the other team around, criticizes them...

Now most of you would hope that Tim was a bad player. He's not. He gives 110% every play. He scores 70% of his teams points. And yet, his teams still lose, and every time off to the sideline he goes, cursing up a storm, ignoring team mates and opponents wishing him a good game.

For about a total of 6 hours I've watched Tim play now. Before I continue, let me give you a little back story on me.

Unless I know you, I don't talk on the court. I don't talk smack, I explain my case any time there is a dispute. Tim is one of those guys that can get me to talk. He pulls out that passive aggressive side of me. He's the guy that's cutting in line and OOPS you stick your knee out and charlie horse him or OOPS you stick your foot out to trip him and push him from behind. He's the guy you're ready to throw down against. Up until today, I was waiting for that time bomb to explode. See Tim picks on people he knows either won't fight him, or he thinks he can beat in a fight. Typical bully mentality right?

Tim makes snide remarks under his breath to me. I apologize to him profusely, although 100% of the time I am being sarcastic (passive aggressive). We beat Tim for the first time tonight. It is an excellent game. We win 16 to 14. It is probably the hardest I have played basketball for 2 years. Tim is pissed. Tim is sitting, head down, not believing that he had lost once again. We beat the next team, and wouldn't you know it? Tim is back on the floor again. This time he's got more to say to his teammates and yeah, you guessed it, me too.

*FLASH*

The person that I typically am will try to push your buttons. Because there's nothing better than an angry loser right?

*FLASH*

Suddenly, I have the same realization as I had the last time I was late to work. Pissing off this guy even further is just escalating the situation. I'm out here with 8 other guys that want to have a good time. Encouraging him would just ruin what we were all there to do: Get in a good game, and get a good workout. I avoid and ignore him until the end of the game. We kill them this time as his team gives up from being yelled at so much by Tim.

Head down again, I walk up to Tim.

"Good game man."
"..."
"Hey, I said good game man."
"Yeah."
"My name's Seth"
"..."
*I stick out my hand to shake his*

"My name's Seth, what's your name man?"
"Tim."
"Tim, are you mad at me or something? Did I do something to you? Because the way you act out there towards me seems like you want to kill me."
"It's just that no one out there gives 100% effort. We would win those games if everyone tried harder"
"I know man. I know. It's tough to lose, but a lot of people are like me. They don't really care. Nothing is on the line, it's not the pros or even college. Most of us just want a good workout"
"..."
"So if you could, you know...don't act like you're going to kill me everytime I go out there. I'm just here to have fun"
"Alright man"
"Alright? It's nice to meet you Tim."
"Yeah"

And that was it. It may seem ridiculous to you, but I've NEVER done that in my entire life. Just confronted someone I was having a problem with and straight up had an adult conversation with them...that being outside of a business or friendly setting. I mean, that's like me getting cut off in traffic, getting out of my car and just discussing the situation with the driver. No emotions, no yelling, no punching. I honestly thought shit like that would never work. But it did.

I know that next week when I'm back there, Tim will be there. I'm going to shake Tim's hand, make sure he's doing alright the first thing when I see him. Because the kid's got a damn stick up his ass or maybe he works a real stressful job...and he reminded me a lot of someone...me. The person I don't want to be anymore.

I can feel my mentality changing on things and it is amazing. I get one life to live, and trying my best to stay positive and happy is the best thing for me everyday. I know that sounds cheesy, but I honestly have a hard time staying positive as I would say I'm in a bad mood or pessimistic about life 60% of the time. And it's hard living like that. Everyday feels like 3 days. And I'm getting tired of it.

So this will provide as a reminder to myself. That I can be the bigger man...in most...maybe in all situations.

Finally It Is Friday

“Fading faster and faster until it was goneFound out I was losing so much more than I knew all alongBecause everything I've been working forWas only worth nickels and dimesBut if I had a minute for every hour that I've wastedI'd be rich in time, I'd be doing fine”

-Jack Johnson

I heard this song this morning on the way to work. This kind of stuff always bothers me. Because I know it’s true. All these signs I keep seeing keep pointing to “Consume Less, Live more”. I’m so confused. Are the guys that make ridiculous amounts of money and drive their Porsches to their million dollar homes…are they really that unhappy? I don’t understand. I mean that’s the point that I want to get to right? Work hard and save and give up happiness now for greater happiness later?

I really want a motorcycle. I want to learn how to ride very well, get my license, take classes, the whole 9. Wanting this so badly…has it caused me more pain than if I had never wanted it in the first place? Is working for material things you want pointless? Because if you had not wanted in the first place, you wouldn’t have had to work, and would’ve had more time to live instead of just working?

I was talking to my manager about retirement the other day because we had a 1 on 1 question time regarding how the 401k here will work. I told him my plans of early retirement. His father at 67 years old is still working. He could retire at any time. But he doesn’t want to. The only reason why he doesn’t want to, is because he enjoys having a schedule. He enjoys having something to do. I think once people are done raising children, they kind of run out of tasks…and when your #1 is suddenly self sufficient, what are you going to do to fill your time?

I feel so bad for Michelle’s parents. The whole “empty nest” syndrome really hit them hard. My parents feel partially the same way, however my sister is still at home with her boyfriend who frequently sleeps over. So it’s like I never left anyway, have two kids in the house. I can tell since I moved out that my dad misses me. He invites me over for dinner every Sunday night, and half of the time I have to decline. I am really afraid of how I will react when they finally pass on. Some people really don’t have that great of a relationship with their parents. I tell this to all of my friends and they agree that my parents are really cool.

Today is very slow. These are the kind of Fridays that I enjoy. Just nothing to do. Paid for sitting, or standing. Paid to eat my oreo cookies.

I have enough money for Vegas. Ideally I’d like to bring $5K. But that is a little overblown. I’ll be able to bring $3K, and still have a little bit of money in my bank leftover. Michelle likes to gamble with my money. She’d never put up any money to play. No. That’s just be against her. But when she loses my money, it’s not that big of a deal to her. *sigh*

Speaking of losing money…my Roth IRA, that was doing so well, up 10% over the past 2 months, is now minus 4%. This is one of my biggest fears. That the money I am putting away for my retirement will not only lose to inflation, but also lose it’s initial investment value. Now, there’s been a huge sell off in the past week, so I’m not worried about it. It’s just the market tanking due to rising gas prices along with slowing home sales due to the rising interest rate with the Fed trying their best to fight inflation.

Enough about money.

Tonight we’re going out for one of my best friend’s birthday party. I always forget when birthdays are. In fact, the only ones I remember are my sister’s, Michelle’s and sometimes a few other people. But I couldn’t name many off the top of my head. I am a horrible friend like that. Tonight I am getting him an awesome birthday present. After being fucked over by the referees in both the Superbowl and the sweet 16, I’m getting him a blow up doll and putting a referee jersey on it. That way, he can literally fuck up the refs. I just called around to get pricing, and it’s going to be about $75 to put it all together. Crap.

I am really praying that our dog gets better. We’ve had her for over a week. She’s gotten really good at peeing on the puppy pads, or going outside. But, she’s had a problem sleeping through the night and also likes to bite our furniture. I really don’t think Michelle realized how big of a responsibility having a dog was. I definitely was not ready, and it caused a lot of heartache having her for the past week. I am learning to deal, and I know it can only get better from here on out. The dog is 2 months old, so I need to learn to give it some leeway to make “mistakes”. Michelle is paying for obedience training so hopefully that helps.

Other than that, not too much else going on here.

I need new clothes to go out in. I need somewhere between business casual and casual. Because that’s what party attire is…so confusing.

Finally it is Friday. I am excited.

Mind Fuck

Today my manager informed us that he would be transitioning to another department. Mainly, he’s leaving our group because he’s no longer needed. I always thought what he did was never really needed, that we could probably use his skills elsewhere. A lot of times, I thought that we were a self run operation, and we never needed him here other than random team meetings he ran or updates on what our program would be taking on in the near future. Red flags went off in my brain, because 3 months ago he said to us, “You don’t see me leaving do you? When you see me leaving this department that’s when you’ve got to start worrying”. And here I am, 3 months later, worrying. I’ve applied for jobs, I have. For some reason I just can’t get an email or a call back. No one wants to hire someone that’s already in a company I guess? I have no idea. Maybe I haven’t been pursuing it as aggressively as I should’ve been. Here’s the weird thing though: They’ve told me I’m going to have a job until at least 2008. And more than likely I will have a job even past then. But now I am not sure of our direction. There is no one to head and represent this department when IT and Service heads come together and talk about the future of me and the rest of our department.

To say the least, I am worried.

But, let’s get to the real point of this post. The forest for the trees. This isn’t happening just to me. This isn’t just happening to half of our IT department. This isn’t just happening to my manager. It’s happening at gigantic corporations around the US and around the world. Jobs are consistently being cut, and a drive towards better, faster, and for less money is the mantra of so many people in the US. Who cares if me, let alone employee X, Y, Z, and A – 200 million other middle class workers such as myself. Where will I go with this post? I’m not really sure. But there are a few points I want to make before it’s over.

First and foremost, although a lot of people have talked about it, and I’m no economic genius or anything but I’d like to include it here: The dissolution of the middle class. Where has the middle class gone? Out sourced, no longer needed, or included in the job functions of the upper and lower classes bearing the mantra “Better, Faster, Cheaper”. Ah, the almighty dollar. The chairmen, sitting there in their lavish million dollar homes and condos, driving 6 different luxury vehicles, if they ever do drive, and setting up trust funds for their children and all the children they may be having in the near future. The board says yay or nay, the stock goes up people are happy, the stock goes down, another few hundred houses foreclosed and bankruptcy filed.

But these corporate heads could really care less right? They’re making hundreds of thousands of dollars, if not millions, and would taking a cut from their salary of even $250K be worth saving another 10 jobs for their company? No, not really. Remember, “Better, Faster, Cheaper”. And the problem with jobs in America? There’s not enough of them to go around with a consistent unemployment rate that never goes away. And as long as there isn’t jobs out there for everyone, employers can not only offer the lowest wage to people seeking employment, they can go outside of the US and look for even more desperate people who would so happy to work for even one tenth of that amount. All to drive that bottom line. And who reaps the benefits of that bottom line? The higher, higher, higher ups. Thus the dissolution of the middle class, and even part of the lower class. The supposed working heart of the United States will cease to beat in what I’m predicting the next 20 to 30 years.

You might be asking, “Well, how’s that going to happen though?”. I know this: The cheapest and fastest and most mistake-free way to do almost anything in the business world is to automate the process. Take it as you will. Automation means less human jobs, means more jobs for our computers to take on for us, maybe even the full realization of artificial intelligence and robots walking and interacting among humans?

What comes at that point? Here is my pillar of capitalism: How much can I screw the other guy out of money? Isn’t that the harsh way we all say the other word you might know, “Profit”? What happens when human minds and human hands no longer do the work? You can’t pay computers. What would they want? What would they buy with the money we paid them? To me, it is obvious that they wouldn’t succumb to the same weak desires of humans, therefore what need do they have for extra money, if at all any money?

But before we get to this point, as the business world evolves the further it automates, the less human work it needs, the less jobs will be available…suddenly everyone but those at the top are in survival mode. “Let’s see. My wife and I don’t have a job or a place to live. My children haven’t eaten in 3 days. But there goes Mr. Hotshot Highup Corporate Employee, surely taking his yacht out again on the water”. Revolution. People will not wait around while their lives waste away. They will do anything to survive. It is one of the most basic human instincts, and that is to persevere. And of course I’m not saying this will happen tomorrow. But it is happening. And it is happening very slowly. I honestly believe that although many historians will point back to the industrial revolution as one of the most amazing advancements of the human race I’m starting to think that’s where the decline began. And what happens to a species that is no longer evolving but decaying? Extinction. Those that can’t adapt will perish.

My assistant manager overheard a coworker and me discussing this whole situation and said this, “All I know is that I just want to put my blinders on and not care. I come to work Monday through Friday, I take my paycheck at the end of the week and that’s the best I can ask for. Wake me up when that changes”. That’s all great and good, but that’s exactly the attitude of those that will not adapt, that of complacency.
This is not my doomsday message. This is my outlook of the business world within my lifetime, if I live that long. A lot of it is very grey and vague, but that’s because I’m not sure. I’m not sure what happens when trillions of dollars are worth nothing, I’m not sure if the whole system of capitalism will be flipped on it’s head. I’m not sure if we’ll all die at the hands of nuclear weaponry in the next 5 years. Hell, I’m not even sure where I’ll be or what job I’ll be working in the next two months. I know it all seems a little far fetched and overblown, but it’s slowly happening all around us. The best I can do is speculate and keep the blinders off for now.

Overtime

Overtime is wearing down on me

I am wearing down over time

Yesterday, as I was driving home in the ridiculous traffic that is 405, I was going delirious. Right now I could be in Vegas watching pros play in the $25K buy in WPT championship at the Bellagio. 4 million dollars to the winner.

But instead, I’m working OT so that I can afford to go to Vegas in a month. Just pray that I don’t burn it all.

Why do I love Vegas? There’s so much to do there. There’s so many people there. There’s gambling, drinks and naked women everywhere you turn. In no other town can I find such awesome things so close. But at the same time, it’s not some run down hole in the wall place either. It’s classy. They make you feel rich there. Even the poorest of people get hooked up. And stories abound each time I go. And it’s always tough leaving.

And that’s why I’m working OT. Because every hour I work is half of a blackjack bet. But the moment I’m sitting down at those tables, full of liquor and beer, I’m not thinking of that. I’m thinking of how great it is to be in Vegas. How awesome it is to see all the drunk people around me, having a non-stop party. How no matter what, I’ll always go back to working anyway, and we all die some time so we might as well have fun.

Maybe part of the reason, other than my lack of funds, my settling down and getting married, my moving out of the city and in to the burbs…maybe one of the other reasons is because no other party holds up to Vegas. Yeah, getting together with your friends and drinking and watching TV is a good time. But is it Vegas? Of course not. Maybe everything pales so much in comparison with the parties I’ve had in Vegas, stumbling around the strip drunk…that I’ve just completely giving up on trying?

Maybe.

Can you tell I love Vegas? Probably not. Last year, for a long time, before the engagement ring, I wanted to take a shot. I wanted to take $5K and see what I could do. Start at $8/16 at the Mirage and see if I could build to the $300/600 at the Bellagio. Bah. I’d get known. I’d become a regular just like I did at BS $3/6 at Goldie’s. People would learn my style of play and would watch out for me. It’d be tough to beat the higher games.

And the draw…the draw of table games. The draw of the sportsbook…I don’t know how I could handle myself. A lot of pros can’t even handle themselves. That’s why they have “backers”. Investors that take a ridiculous cut every time they win. I could never give away any of my winnings (although I have before…to other players, to charities…to buy ridiculous things).

Tomorrow is my 2 year anniversary with Michelle. I was planning on getting her something nice, something sweet. I can’t believe. Two years. How does 2 years go so quickly? I’m afraid that the rest of life will be like this. This past winter was seriously the shortest winter I have ever seen. And really it wasn’t that exciting. When you give almost 11 hours each day to a job though…suddenly time starts flying. They are laying off by the bunches here. People in our IT department. Positions I once though I could have a chance of moving in to are disappearing by the handful. Now with a mortgage hanging over my head…let’s not talk about it.
Other than that, not too much else to report. I’m enjoying my uh oh oreos, I’ve got 30 minutes left to my final OT shift for the week. A good friend of mine is going to Vegas and I’m ridiculously jealous. My cousin is having a baby boy. I’m working on getting cut for my bachelor party. I’ve given up on trying to get more technical certifications for the time being. I can’t wait to sleep in tomorrow. I’m going to love this weekend. Smiles across the board. :)

23...24

(This was supposed to be posted last night)

Last post before I turn 24

Let’s go over my year (in 15 minutes)

Big ones

Got a job that pays me almost what I feel is adequate. Got engaged. Bought a house.

Those are pretty big. I think this year has been very good. Turning point? Probably. But it was bound to happen anyway. I was waiting for it to come along. And it’s come.

So here I am. I’m giving myself (seriously for some reason) one more year to be a “mid 20’s” care-free type of dude. 25 is another turning point for me. I want to have children. But I don’t want them that soon. I’m thinking maybe 27? Then I’m 45 by the time my kids are in college? That sounds good. I should be making some good money by then. Wow. 18 years. I can’t imagine how much my life or this world will change in 18 years. Will we still be alive as a human race? Will I still be living in the most dominant and powerful country in the world? Will my kids even go to college? So many future questions, every single one of them lacking answers.

I’m banking on it. The future. But a scary thought to think that you might not be around even for the next 10 years. Why save? Why pay the mortgage? Why work? What a mind fuck.

Another day lost working OT. Trading my time for some dollars. April 11, 2006 come and gone. How many people were born today? How many died? Another drop in the ocean.

I am hoping 25 will be less stressful. I am hoping that after the wedding I can kind of hang out for the little bit. Not have anything but the bills hang over my head. Since 9th grade, the last time I didn’t work a summer, I’ve been saying to myself, “One of these summers, I’m just going to completely veg. Just completely be lazy, wake up whenever I want, do whatever I want to, hang out at the parks, the oceans, read books, barbecue and roast marshmallows over a campfire.” Hasn’t happened. Probably won’t happen for a while. That’s ok. The idea of it being a possibility for every weekend is enough for me.

My birthday. Then one of my favorite weekends of the year, the weekend I always make as “memorable as possible”. Then it’s here. Another summer.
I am praying it doesn’t rain this weekend. Hook me up a little, someone up there? If not, eh. Wasn’t meant to be. What a year though. It’s actually hard to write about because I am scared I would go on for at least…a year. But, work’s over. Gotta go now.

Too Lazy

I am too lazy to post in my blog.

But look, I am doing it. I am very tired and sore from working out. How do people freaking do it? There are people at the gym that I see there every time. Do people seriously keep up this sort of dedication? There are some days that I just don’t want to go.

I want to make this short, because I don’t really have much to share.

Why don’t they make an alcoholic drink that gives you no side effects? Like, doesn’t fill you up, doesn’t give you a hang over, doesn’t make you sick, doesn’t hurt your liver, doesn’t make you fat…now that my friends, is an idea. Is that why they came up with the oxygen bar? I should try that sometime. I think I will the next time I am in Vegas. Stupid though, those people look so dumb doing that.

I am on an investment kick. In the past 3 weeks, I have invested more money than I ever have before given the same time period. I am trying to max out my Roth IRA that I started less than a month before the deadline for the year. That is ridiculous. I am ridiculous. I am a money hungry/grubbing bastard. I check on my checking accounts and investment accounts and 401k at least once a week. Just so I can drool over how much stupid money I’m not using. It is crazy. Finally, for the first time in my life, I’ve got some extra cash to burn (invest). Between Michelle and I, could we hit a million dollars before we are 30? Highly unlikely. Would I like us to? Of course. Maybe that will be a goal. 1 million dollars net worth by the time I am 30. HAH! Lofty. But I’m crazy enough about money that it could happen. A little luck wouldn’t hurt either.

I had a dream the other night that I won the million dollar guaranteed tournament on Poker Stars. First place is typically anywhere between $170K to $215K. I was dreaming that I was withdrawing, once a week, the maximum allowed to go to my Neteller account ($10K a week). I was going to surprise Michelle with a new car, buy myself a motorcycle and maybe figure out other investment strategies for that money. It was a sweet dream. But I think, that is all it is. Just a dream. I think that because I had daydreamed about that happening so much that I actually dreamt it. Kind of sucked waking up that morning. Kind of sucks waking up any morning. But we do it.

I would like to work over time. I want to try to burn out. There are stories of past coworkers that worked 2 months straight of 60 hour weeks. I want to beat that and do 3 months…5 months…a year. I calculated it out, and by working 60 hours a week, with 20 hours of overtime each week, I would almost double my salary…definitely money we could use. And I’m young. I feel like I can do it.

I’m going to end here, without really making any point. I think that I should write more often at night. My writing is more creative and less brain fried and…yeah, I’m leaving from work now.

Time and Money

I think these two things are some of the most important things to me. I don’t know why. I’m really not that uptight.

But let me give you an example of something I think about, almost on a daily basis:

It takes Michelle 20 minutes to get to work and 30 minutes to get home. I takes me 50 minutes to get to work and an hour to get home.

The difference? 1 hour. Let’s say that Michelle and I work 50 weeks in a year, taking 2 off for vacation. 1 hour a day X 5 days a work week X 50 weeks = 250 hours. That’s 10 whole days of extra time that Michelle gets to spend doing whatever she’d like, a year. Granted, that extra time she basically spends sleeping, but still that’s better for you than driving in traffic. Let’s say that we both work 33 years before we retire. That ends up being 330 days, and not just 12 hour days where you’re awake, but 330 whole, 24 hour days. That’s a whole extra year of my life, gone to traffic. Sure I get to listen to the radio and music I enjoy on the way home, and yes I would’ve wasted that hour just vegging on the couch in front of the TV anyway…but still, I’d rather be at home doing nothing than stuck in traffic.

Money. The goal is to become the first cash millionaire I know. I know, making $40K a year and living in probably a close to $100K household income isn’t going to get us there very quickly, but I plan on changing some things by the time I’m 28 which will hopefully bump us up to a higher earn rate. Also, once I get more of my funds working for me, it’ll be smooth sailing from that point onwards. It is tough to start saving when you’ve got such a small amount to start with, but I heard on the radio yesterday that the average 30 year old has $3,000 in liquid cash available to them. I was shocked at that number. I am definitely blessed to be in the position I am in and plan to take full advantage. I’m hoping to build up a good nest egg for my future children…because I want either Michelle or I to work a part time job while they’re in school so that we’re there to send them off, and there after school for them. I know how much help that was to me, knowing that I would always see my mom when I got home from school every day.

Ok, off of boring topics and on to more boring.

I bought onion bagels. I had them once before at work when I was starving and they were excellent. They are not good for breakfast. The reason they are not good for breakfast is because they completely negate brushing your teeth. I have staved off from eating these bagels in the morning, and until after I get to work because my breath really stinks, and the taste in my mouth is horrible. It tastes so good going down, but the after taste is just ridiculous. Even 3 tic tacs can’t solve the issue.

I would write more, but it’s starting to pick up here. That’s why I’m working overtime. Just wanted to make my weekly (weak) post. I promise I’ll write more interesting things next week. There are things I’d like to write about…my new TV, our soccer team, the Huskies game, but don’t feel I have the time to. So I’ll stop here for now.

Reminiscing

So, since my computer exploded

And then I spent a butt load of money to get it fixed

But only half the amount I spent to get a brand new crappy one that still ran twice as slow as my computer

When I got it back, everything worked just fine. Just dandy. But I remember when I was back on the network with EJ that I locked down my pictures because I had some scandalous ones in there that I didn’t want him to see. No, I wasn’t smart in just creating a totally separate folder for them all and locking that one, I locked the whole god damned picture folder. All 20+ gigs of it. Excellent and beautiful photos. Videos that bring me back to that point. Bring a smile to my face. Bring a tinge of sadness to me from missing my last loved vehicle, or friends I haven’t talked to in years or girls that will never talk to me again. Trips we took to the gorge. To Cannon Beach. To Vancouver. Drunken parties at the condo. In California. In Vegas. Boxing, dunking, driving, singing, dancing, laughing…it’s all there. All good memories, even the sad ones. But now I can’t get access. I am going to try a lot of different things, because data retrieval would otherwise cost about a thousand dollars. Are my pictures worth that to me? Yes. They are priceless. I have had my camera since December of 2002, and my picture taking didn’t really drop off until about a year ago. I’m not sure why it dropped off. I just felt like I was taking too many pictures…at every opportunity I was asking people to pose…and was posing myself. So I let it drop off. But while I was living in Seattle…those were my pictures.

Just thinking about that, made me really want to look back at the time I spent in Seattle. And something that helped me continue on today was thinking about the summers I had in Seattle. Now there is the BEST SUMMER ever, the ones between my senior year of high school and my first year of college. But then there are the last few summers. And grouped together, thinking about each one, although they mud together I can still point out things and say “this was awesome. My life was great at these points”. And I’ve got the pictures up in my head. But I’m scared they’ll go gray or ever fade out as more pictures enter my head. That is what I’m afraid of.

What I remember from those summers: Getting home on a Thursday afternoon after school in May. Getting off the warm bus and having my MP3 player blast out something amazing while I watch the cherry blossoms fall to the slight breeze. Seeing girls walk around the quad in skirts and tank tops. Watching guys in sunglasses throw the Frisbee around. People out sunbathing.

Playing basketball. Playing basketball at Green lake as the sun goes down and is reflecting off of the water. The black hard top still warm from the days rays. Families, couples, children skating by and dogs panting, all stopped to sit and watch some basketball and lap in the rest of the day’s orange light. Sitting at Denny Court in the shade of the giant trees from the 1800s, drinking from a stone water fountain that is probably just as old. Watching sorority girls in bathing suits playing volleyball right next to the court. I remember sitting in the long warm, green gas with Don. Waiting for the next game to start up when a short boxer, a dog, came walking up to us out of nowhere. Before we knew it, we didn’t even care about the basketball because we were petting the dog, having him play fetch with a stick we had found. I remember one June afternoon, I had skipped out of a study session from the MSC (math study center) to go play ball. It was too nice of a day to stay locked in the basement…studying calculus. And I remember, it was me, and 3 of my guy friends from the class who I had convinced to go play. And that was 1:30 pm.

Usually Denny court didn’t pick up until the latest afternoon classes were over at 3:30 (before the evening group) but by the time we got to the court we had found that plenty of other guys had had the same idea as us. Screw finals, we’re young and you only get perfect June days like this to play ball with your friends so often. And we played. We played all night. I remember the lights coming on around 7 and being so hungry. But the games were so good, the weather so perfect, and every time I thought people were ready to be finished and go eat dinner, more guys showed up.

Then I found the games at BF Day. To me, they were like the little basketball oasis in the middle of nowhere. I knew there were courts down there. I just had no idea that there were 12 to 15 guys that were all friends. All knew each other. All understood their own “code”. It was like I had stumbled upon “The Sandlot” for adults, and instead of baseball, it was basketball. I guarantee to this day, you head down there on a Tuesday through Thursday afternoon, right about 5 pm? You’ll run in to these guys. And the best part about it is, they play every where. While I was in Seattle, I dreamed of finding other places like this. Little hole-in-the-wall courts where everyone knew how to play, and were all good friends by the end of the day. All looking for a competitive game, and knew how to enjoy the sun. I only found one other one, and that was at North Seattle Community College before they ripped that outdoor court down too. But I ran in to a few of the same guys at NSCC as I did at BF Day. Later on one summer during the 3 on 3 Hoop it up challenge I ran in to plenty of them.

But enough about basketball in the summer. I remember finding that perfect open parking spot in front of the first floor window, or waiting until it opened up. Then turning up the music on my computer, dumping the speakers off right on my window sill, parking the car, grabbing the hose and just spending hours washing and cleaning the Civic. For me there was almost no better feeling then having the cleanest car…windows rolled down, and just driving anywhere, for any excuse. Back then gas didn’t seem too expensive for me. And being broke was alright because I had everything I needed or wanted.

Playing golf at the 3 par. Eating happy hour at Duke’s. Eating a red mill burger with the sun setting on Phinney Hill. Wondering if the dry cleaners on that weird corner was ever open when I went running. Watching the lights twinkle below in Ballard as I drove towards Taco Bell in Ballard for an excellent and healthy dinner. The Aurora bridge and the slight wind that all those cars zooming by seemed to make. Blue Star chicken fried steak doused in gravy on an early Saturday morning. Nick finally getting his head shaved after so much coercing. July 4th atop the condo roof. So many memories are so vivid in my head. I fear I’m losing them slowly.

But hopefully this is what I’ll think of when I remember my summers in Seattle.

I heart the government *cough*

My part time job is illegal

http://today.reuters.com/investing/financeArticle.aspx?type=bondsNews&storyID=2006-03-15T174222Z_01_N15403811_RTRIDST_0_CONGRESS-FINANCIAL-GAMBLING.XML

That’s a long freaking link!

Synopsis: The government hates the fact that close to 12 BILLION DOLLARS is wagered online every year by Americans. And not one of those suckers in DC (or even the local governments here) are seeing one cent of it. They are sick. They can’t believe that US dollars are going offshore. *big surprise* Wow! Really? You mean Americans are spending 60% of their hard earned dollars (after taxes, which by the way are not DOING ANYTHING) on what they want to? Entertainment? And your PISSED OFF because we’re not getting taxed on our spending? Our winnings? Our entertainment? Guess what, here's how I'm sticking it to you. By continuing to contribute funds and investing in overseas operations. They're the only ones making money anyway.

The poor governemtn. Boo hoo. Seriously. Don’t you feel like you’ve ripped us off enough?

You know, before college I was this hippy. Some kid that thought that these welfare programs, and all this government aid…this is a great thing for people. As I got older and went through college, and now have graduated and am realizing that I could be earning 30% MORE CASH if it wasn’t for the god damned government that does nothing for me I’ve moved towards a more conservative view of things. Purely financial.

I can’t think of this stuff. It’s absolutely sickening. The amount of corruption and screw ups across the board. And the thing that makes me ever sicker? All of these people bashing Bush. Is that the best that you can come up with? Do you realize that your hard earned tax dollars are going to a majority of white guys in suits that just show up for work and say “yay or nay” and the hardest thing they had to do to get elected for the LEAST WORK TO PAY RATIO JOB was to get elected. By whom? Not by me. I’m so disturbed by the whole system that I want to puke. I want to scream. Let’s see, I make about TWENTY TIMES LESS THAN SOME GUY THAT HEADED UP THE MONORAIL PROJECT. That’s right. If you weren’t aware, he was awarded a RAISE for doing NOTHING from about $680K to $750K. Don’t quote me on that number, that’s what I remember seeing this past summer in the Times. Ok, so I pay close to $10K in tax every year…it would take 75 OTHER HARD WORKING AMERICANS to pay this guy’s salary? Oh, and remind me about how much has been done on the monorail this past year? That’s what I thought.

The worst part of it all…the worst part of it…and I have to repeat this to make sure everyone understands…is the apathy. There’s just so much to deal with, and all of us are completely useless that we end up not caring. People are shocked when they read or hear or sense my anger regarding these situations when I tell them I don’t vote. What does ONE vote out of MILLIONS matter? If I had voted in the last election would it have changed anything? No. Do I live in a county with 150 other people where a vote could be decided by my vote? No. I don’t. And voting for these people is just prolonging this idiotic system of just paying blindly. I drive by these hilarious signs every day that say, “Your Nickel At Work”. HAH! My NICKEL? MINE? Only 5 cents? It looks like I only put in 5 cents because all you did was RUIN THE GODDAMNED ROAD AND NOW I’M STUCK HERE WATCHING SOME TEENAGE KID EARN A BETTER HOURLY RATE THAN ME BECAUSE HE’S GETTING PAID BY THE STATE AND ALSO RECEIVES HAZARD PAY. Look, he just flipped the fucking sign from “STOP” to “SLOW”. Well done sir. I hope you die of cancer from my fumes.

So, I’m almost off of work. I will stop venting now. Every now and then…like a boiling pot full of water…steam must get out. Before I go, I’d just like to say: Dear Government: Thank you for trying to make laws to ensure I live a miserable life. Thank you for stealing from me. Thank you for being worthless. But most importantly, and to completely switch up this post: Thank you for protecting my right to voice my opinion.
That is all.

Incorrigible

Some people just don’t learn or want to learn. Some people lack passion in life. Some people don’t have things that they “love to do” or at the least hobbies or “past-times”. I wonder what these people do with themselves. They watch TV all night. Attaching themselves to some sort of “drama” unfolding. Something so fake and pre-made to some jello molding that everyone loves it. Everyone eats it. And the next day at work, everyone can’t stop talking about how much they loved the jello. In fact, they can’t wait until next week when maybe they’ll come out with another flavor of jello. Why? Because their lives have become so FREAKING boring that they’ve attached themselves to this jello. Made it their lives. “Oh really? You like lime? Nah, I prefer Orange myself”.

All this time. Wasted. Over stupid, inconsequential jello that they probably won’t even remember 3 years from now. What are you going to be like when you’re 60? Looking back over a life full of nothing? I pray my life doesn’t become this. Sometimes I don’t have the will to fight it. I fall in to the trap. I’m tired from work and the commute. All I want to do is turn off and be robotic. Watch as my life slowly passes before my eyes. Another commercial? Another breaking news story? Excellent. I would cut my freaking cable subscription if I didn’t love sports so much.

But of course the people that poke holes in what I’ve said say, “But wait…you said you watch TV for the sports?” Yes, I do. You know why? Because every sport I watch on TV, I’ve played, or I can play, or I am playing. I’ve boxed, thrown the football, hit the baseball, shot the basketball, chipped the golf ball…I know what it feels like to be every single one of these people. So I can relate to them. And since they are doing it at such a higher level than I am in every situation, it is a spectacle. You can even apply it to music. I love watching concerts on PBS. Maybe this is a sort of rant about the crap that is on TV compared to the stuff I LIKE. No one cares about Dr. 90210 and how X woman has been augmented and wasted all this money and will still feel ugly afterwards. Or, oh my gosh, Jessica Simpson did what? Really people. Does anyone even wonder why no one is talking about your life? Maybe it’s because you’re not doing ANYTHING with it?

Chill out man.

Ok, chilling.

I refuse to leave this life without creating good memories and having the ability to tell good stories. I refuse to revert back to some friends or family guy episode to make it seem like my life has joy. I refuse to let my 9-5 and this traffic crush my spirit. Because deep down, I’m still a happy kid that doesn’t want to kill anyone. I know it’s still in me. Sometimes I get scared because I feel like I’m on cruise control. And then there’s that point that jerks me out of that and reminds me that not everything in life is so smooth. I’ve been on cruise control for almost 2 years now. I am afraid the longer I wait the larger the destruction…almost like the big earthquake that will hit us soon. I call it regression to the mean. Others call it karma. You find that line you walk, everyday, and you are content with it. That you can call your mean. Everything in your life will be within a certain range. However, there will be those outliers. Those are the ones we should be thankful for. The ones that change our lives, that are so far gone from the mean that they change it, or in some bad instances are completely erased…now I’m babbling.

Seriously though. How do people survive this? I guess for everyone it is different. For me it is different from everyone else. I will try my best to realize how precious my life is. Because as far as I know, I’m not getting another chance at this…and it’s just a big sleep from here on out.

I’ll get off my soapbox again.

My head is itchy, I haven’t taken a shower for two days. I probably stink. On Wednesday I’m going in for more shots for my hair. I am praying my hair grows back before the wedding. I am praying it doesn’t get worse. I have seen pictures of people who have completely lost their hair. Are completely bald. I like my hair, even though I like it super short. I think I will cut it again tonight.
I loved our soccer game. We played very well. Almost everything is moved in to the new house. I am finally starting to settle as the smell of new paint dissipates. My flat tire removal isn’t going as well as previously planned. I have 41 days left.