Scared

While I was growing up

I used to lay awake in my bed

With the door open

And watch the shadow on the wall leading up the stairs.

My parents would leave the light on in the living room downstairs so it created the same shadow every night on that wall.

I wanted to make sure for as long as I could that no one - or no thing was coming up those stairs. And if they were I wanted to be ready. There were so many nights where I would do my best to fight off sleep. I was so...afraid.

And even to this day, some nights those same fears keep me up.

It's tougher here though, in this house. It's a much bigger house with less people living in it. And a few things have happened here which have really scared the hell out of me. I keep the mag lite and a louisville slugger under the bed for protection and have only had to pull them out from under the bed a couple times.

Part of me thinks that this might have been some old ancient burial ground that they built our house on. We have a pond in the backyard and it might possibly have been a good place for early pioneers or possibly Native Americans to settle. Maybe someone forcibly drowned another person in that shallow water or they found a few graves when digging the foundation for the house. Who knows.

What I do know is that my wife talks a lot more in her sleep here than anywhere else. And I have the most horrifying nightmares here too. Much worse than I ever remember having in any other living space. Some nights I'm afraid to go to sleep because I know I might wake up drenched in sweat, or screaming.

The following things you will read have really happened to my wife and me. I am not making any of this up - and the only reason I am writing this now is because something happened yesterday that has really bothered me. Some things I can just write off - or hopefully move past, but the brain likes to see patterns in things...

Major Incident 1: It is 2007. The wife and I are sound asleep one night when she suddenly jolts me out of sleep. She puts her hand over my mouth and shushes me and tells me to listen. She thinks there is someone in the house. Someone downstairs. I can hear it - it definitely sounds like voices.

Oh Shit. I think to myself. This is the real thing - what I've been worried about for years, someone breaking in to the house. I grab the flashlight and the bat and put my ear to the bedroom door to make sure whoever is in our house is not close - but I can still hear the commotion going on downstairs.

I open the bedroom door slowly and quietly, and actually try to listen harder. I can't make out what the voices are saying. I yell, "It's somebody in here?" The wife is hiding behind the 2nd unopened door of our bedroom and peeking out. I get no response.

I bound down the stairs stomping on them (hoping to scare anyone away) and when I get down there I finally figure out what's going on. There is some faint music playing - and immediately (this is how effed my mind is in this situation) I think that whoever is in the house has turned on our music docking station to drown out the sound of them moving around the house. I am now even more freaked out.

I yell up to the wife, "The docking station is on".

"Go check it out!" she yells down to me.

So I slowly walk towards the hallway light and turn it on. I see no movement, no shadows. I walk in to the living room and see that the ipod is for some reason playing and there's no one in the house to be found. I check all the doors and windows to see if they're still closed and locked. No trace of anyone. I look for the remote and there it is, sitting on top of the end table - no way that it could have accidentally turned itself on. I turn off the docking station.

This situation most people I think would just chalk up to random electronic surges, or something weird going on with the ipod. But every year that passes by where this doesn't occur again (it has never randomly turned on again) is another year that this situation freaks me out even more.

Minor Incident 1: I mentioned my wife talks a lot more in her sleep here. Recently she told me that while she was in bed she saw a lifelike person with horns on their head standing next to her in our bedroom. For some reason she thought it might have been me - but when she spoke to it and said, "Honey" (assuming it was me) and she got no response is when she freaked out. It was dark and she couldn't make out who it was but when I came home from a rec league game that night is when she came to the full realization that it wasn't me.

Minor Incident 2: Hearing things. I like to shower at night, in my own bathroom. That way I can stay up without having bother the wife while she's sleeping. One night before I hopped in to the shower I heard the sound of a little girl crying. It was very faint - a soft sob. This one I thought could possibly be our neighbors right next to us. My bathroom is one of the closest rooms to our neighbors - but when I think about how I can't hear our neighbors talk every day, or maybe even hear one of their TVs or radios while I'm in that bathroom - knowing what I heard that night is creepy.

Major Incident 2: I vacuum the house about once a month. I really take pride in how clean the house is and especially with how straight my vacuum lines are. Yesterday I vacuumed the house and this morning I was looking at the carpet and noticed what looked like some sort of hoof print in my carpet. Just one print. Out of nowhere. I took a picture of the print in my carpet - it's much easier to see in person because of the compression of the carpet there.



Can you see it? It's about 6 inches from the wall on the left, right in the middle of the picture - and there are 4 little markings which I'm assuming could be toes/claws of some sort.

After I found this marking is when I decided I had to write this post. A few things that have happened here haven't really bothered me - but this latest issue almost has me convinced that there is something going on inside this house.

Whatever it is, nothing terrible has happened to us so far. I don't want to believe in paranormal activity - I always think all of those ghost hunter shows on TV are fake - but after experiencing these things first hand it might be hard to keep ignoring it.

If anything else happens here that's out of the ordinary I'll be sure to let everyone know.

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I am having the hardest time putting up blog posts.

I don't even know if I'll post this.

I have written 4 new and unexciting blog posts over the past month and a half and when I read them I am just disappointed.

I'm at this weird point right now where I can do anything I want to during the day and I really...just...don't. I'm just waiting for my acceptance of my job offer to be accepted (yes, really) and then it will be back to work.

But for now, I'm not sure what's wrong with me. The typical stuff I put up is just not good enough...for me. Even this post is pure crap.

Ack.

You know what I realized tonight as the basketball team I played on got blown out by 20 points?

I realized that in trying to be good at a lot of things I've not become good at anything.

What a terrible freaking realization. And now I've come to a point in my life where I don't think I really have the time or dedication to become really great at something.

As usual I'm probably over thinking my life.

But it definitely leads to questions of: What did I do with my life? What was special about me? How did I leave the world a better place because I was in it?

Yes. That kind of stuff. And if I just go about as mediocre boy what good will that do?

All questions you can't answer.

Bah.

Interviews

We've been home for 2 weeks and 2 days.

I say we so naturally. As if my wife and dog are somehow writing this blog too.

I have been home for 2 weeks and 2 days.

During that time I have had 2 interviews.

I have had one call back telling me that although I am "a perfect candidate for the position" they "can't hire me because the salary is too low". Supposedly if I take a job at half of what I was making in my last job I'm bound to leave for something more within 3-6 months.

They must not know me very well.

Or

They must not know how large of a fan I am of interviewing. Because I am basically the guy who pays for floor seats with the big foam #1 finger - body fully painted in Interview's teams colors. Yes, that is me. At least when I spill my beer it is on the floor in front of me because I am a huge fanatic and overpay for the best seats in the house.

For the past few months I have lived a life that many dream of. Few chores to do every day, some errands to run, but free time while getting paid otherwise. Some of that free time has been spent applying to jobs and interviewing for them. Some of it has been spent daydreaming about get rich quick schemes and how if I make X amount of money doing Y then I won't have to work for Z amount of months...

One of the reasons why I like having a job is so that I don't have to apply and interview to other/new jobs. And for those that haven't done it lately - sending off cover letters and resumes in to the great void is just that - some black hole eats 97% of them and the other 3% tell you that you unfortunately earned too much money in a previous life. Bullhonky. Then recruiters tell me that I should follow up with companies that I apply to.

How I do that - I should ask. Because typically I don't have a connection at the company that I'm applying to that could possibly know the hiring manager - which is the person I would assume I would be wanting to call. It's that same old song and dance, where companies are looking for people with experience for the job that they're hiring for when probably the only way to get that experience would be by working the job already. Maybe one day (when I'm working again presumably) I should apply to an opening for my same job and see what happens.

It's amazing that any of us have jobs to begin with given the lack of experience we all started with. Somewhere along the line someone saw the sparkle in your eye and decided they'd take a chance.

So

Dear Hiring Manager(s) of tomorrow morning,

Just give me a chance. I'm a good little worker bee. I promise I'll be there with a smile on my face every day spouting off my positivity and improving my effectiveness, efficiency and applying your constructive criticism.

I don't want to keep having to apply to and interview for...

Other jobs that are not yours.

End Blog Note: A friend who was laid off from the same position I was in has already been given the extension of unemployment after using the original 6 months. They were given another 6 months at the same rate of pay. Knowing this I can continue surviving on unemployment until November 2010.

But I don't want to.

Old Dog New Tricks

My parents have really impressed me over the past 2 years.

I've always thought they were old - out of touch.

You know, the whole saying, "Can't teach an old dog new tricks."

Well, I guess with older people who are willing - this is not true at all. My dad is really old - to me. He turns 63 this coming May.

And over the past year he's picked up a few things (along with my mom).

1) Texting. I remember the day we all got new phones on our family plan. I convinced my parents to sign up for texting for all of us since I am such an advocate of texting. I mean really, why do you have to call someone when all you need to say to them is one or two sentences? And saying goodbye is so annoying sometimes. Usually I just like to get my point across and be done with it. Thank you texting.

My dad was so excited to learn how to text. There we were sitting in the T-mobile store dorkily (hah at that word) texting each other back and forth so he could get the hang of it. Now I think my dad would rather text me too instead of calling - I have received more texts from him recently than calls. For him to get texting on a 10 key too (vs. an actual keyboard on a crackberry or iphone) is amazing to me - I mean, I just think about the kind of technological advances that he's seen over his lifetime - and for him to keep up and actually enjoy something like this is outstanding.

2) Facebook. Part of me still wishes that the book was still for college kids. But I knew they had to expand and with that came the parents interest in it. My parents (mainly my mom) now upload photos, tag their friends, provide status updates and comment on others. And they have no problem understanding it at all. I think that is what impressed me the most about it - I didn't have to teach them at all about even how to create an account on FB. They just did it. And yes, sure I have to be careful with what I post now - but with as many people that had access to my account I should've been careful to begin with.

3) Online poker for my dad. When my parents visited us here in Charleston during the holidays I got him started on it. I figured it was cheaper and he wouldn't have to drive anywhere to get his gambling itch in. And hopefully if he was good enough he could make some extra money too. And so far, he's loved it. Unfortunately he's not that good of a player but he's interested in learning from me (has watched me play a few tournaments already). So I'm hoping it's a steep learning curve - almost every other day I'm calling or texting him now and trying to teach him something new.

So for those of you who are afraid of your parents being part of it - don't be. With my parents wanting to be part of everything new and technologically advanced, I've never felt closer to them. Since they can connect with me like I connect with the rest of my friends it's really meant a lot to me, and I'm sure it's the same for them.

Also, just because you continue to age doesn't mean you can't continue to grow mentally. I pray that I am as open to the things to come over the next 30 years as my parents are.

February Rando

Sup

Here is your random post for February. My favorite month in regards to the spelling of the actual month.

Mainly because I like to pronounce like it is spelled - because it always helped me in spelling it correctly.

Feb brew airy

The wife is gone on a business trip and will be gone until next Tuesday. It'll be the 2nd longest we've ever been apart from each other.

So out of the almost 6 years we've been together - all 2068 days - we've been apart from each other 25 days. That means we're apart from each other 1.2% of the time. That's pretty awesome.

I like math.

You know how they say you're not supposed to drink and sit in a hot tub? Something about dehydration? Does the same thing apply to hot showers? I hope not. Because I like doing that. Having a few drinks then taking a hot shower.

There are so many things which are better after having a few drinks:

-Chips and salsa (guacamole)

*I made homemade guacamole tonight. It was ghetto.

Here's how I made it:

2 avocados
5 spoonfulls of sour cream
A dump of salsa

It was like Sandra Lee had possessed me and made me lazy? I don't know. Chopping onions and tomatoes just didn't sound too awesome at that point. Especially when I had a recently cooked BLT waiting for me...cooling quietly on the table as I watched on with salivating mouth.

And what's the deal with Semi-home made anyway? Semi implies that it is half made at home. But everything she makes is 100%, completely and entirely made in her home. I don't see her making it in a grocery store and then bringing it home to complete it. So many misnomers out there that no one really cares about - because they just don't want to put in the effort.

Corn.

You know what would be cool? Giving a portable pandora station to someone as a gift. Imagine a small wireless enabled flash drive stick which you could put 10 stations on. I don't know why I said gift - maybe because giving things typically makes them more awesome.

I realized at a recent concert that I went to after admitting it to a friend...We were talking about the show "hoarders". Have you seen this show? It is absolutely terrible. I guess they showed an episode where a woman collected her excrement. So sick. But then I was thinking about it - and I am a digital media hoarder. I have kept every email since the invention of gmail. I have kept most of my photos and I have kept all of my music. I guess it's because it doesn't really take up real life "space". It just sits and waits for me.

And if you digitally hoard like me - take some time out every few months, or maybe once a year and go back through some of your old stuff. It's highly enjoyable. Or maybe not for you. But for me it is. And that's why I save it.

CRTL + S.

That's it for now.

The Mirror

Tomorrow is my mom's birthday.

Happy Birthday mom.

One of my coworkers once said to me, "You know Seth, I'm in my late 50s. But when I look in to the mirror, I don't see that age. I mean sure, everyone else may see it, and my body and face may look it. But I don't feel like I am that old. When I look right back in to my eyes I still see that 19 year old full of energy."

I haven't had this happen to me yet thankfully.

I still see the same person in the mirror when I look in to it. I'm not having any sort of internal battle on what appears in front of me. But I know we all are getting older so I know that point is coming. For me I don't think I'll reach that point until maybe my late 40s. Hopefully no earlier than then.

People try to fight it with creams, surgery, they'll try anything to slow or reverse the "effects of aging". But how many people are they really fooling? I've always thought that no matter what you can change about your appearance - it still won't change the person you actually are.

I think people can tell when you've really lived. If you've lived a tough life, or just been down for too long. That kind of stuff not only boils a person internally - it usually steams out the top. You can only "put on a happy face" for so long.

I was just thinking about what it must be like to be my mom. Facing another birthday tomorrow - and one closer to the end of her life than the beginning. But I see a lot of life in her. I think if anyone will live to 100 years old it will be her. I wonder who she sees in that mirror?

From what I understand - dogs don't have the mental capacity to look at a reflection, picture or video of themselves and realize it is them. What would our lives be like if we had the same lack of ability? Where the only way we could tell how we looked was from the reaction we received from those viewing us?

Part of me thinks it would make us all much better people. Much less vanity and worry. Stress lines and crows feet would disappear. Or at the least we wouldn't be able to see them. And for some of us out there, we'd save a lot of time. I wonder what the original intent of the inventor of the first mirror was...

The Do Nothing A-hole

Sunday night.

The night that many employed people across the world dread.

The last few hours of freedom, then back to the dregs that are the Monday morning rat race.

Every weekday morning I wake up and look up at my ceiling fan. Wishing I hadn't woken up.

Because as soon as I do, it's over. I can't get back to sleep. Well not ever, but most of the time. And it is terribly frustrating just laying in bed and not being able to sleep.

Tonight I was considering sleeping pills to get me through the day. Because right now, there is no point.

I think everyone has it backwards. They dream of being at home all day while they're at work. Imagining their warm and inviting beds. Take it from someone who has had that for over 20 straight days now: It's not that warm, and the invitation wears off pretty quickly.

There is only so much reading, so much internet surfing, video game playing, walking the dog, basketball playing, weight lifting (etc) that you can do to pass the time. All the things you do in your "free time" (the time you would normally spend away from work) cannot fill your entire day forever. And sure it won't be forever - I hope, but at this point I'm stuck.

I'm stuck because I know I'm heading back to Seattle. But won't be doing so for another 42 days. And for those 42 days I've got to figure out how to burn time. How do you burn away over 1/10th of a year and hopefully come out on the other end with something to show for it?

How do I avoid not getting down on myself? I try to have things planned to do every day. I try not to think about things too much or too hard.

But sometimes it doesn't work. Sunday nights for example. Right now I feel like a do nothing asshole and I can't imagine anything better than sleeping through tomorrow morning all the way to dinner time.

I need some black out blinds.

The Obligatory New Years (New Decade) Post

You can find 2008's post here.

And darn - it was such a good post. I don't know if this one will stack up, probably because 2009 wasn't as good of a year as 2008 was. The things that stand out about 2009 tend to be negative and the days I remember most from this year are somewhat depressing.

Rundown of 2009:

-Got home to Washington and immediately missed living in South Carolina. Missing the South was probably on my mind until I found out it in April that we would be returning (and this is where I write from now).

-Shorted the market after the initial crash in October 2008 until around Dow 7600 in Q1. That's when I started buying. All the way down to Dow 6500. I seriously told people we were going there - I just didn't know we would actually make it. The problem? I started selling on the way up and got rid of 80% of what I owned by Dow 8800. Always always early. Never letting enough of it run.

-Basketball. Memories of my college days came flashing back to me. Suddenly I had access to an indoor, full court hard wood basketball gym. For about 9 months it was my own personal sanctuary and I lived there for at least 5 hours a week. Which is a lot more basketball than I had been playing since I had left college. In turn, my game has improved. Started my own basketball team in the spring. I've always been part of basketball teams in the past - but never formed them.

-Laid off from my first "real job". After 4 and a half years. Received the announcement a day before my birthday. Received a nice severance, went on unemployment for the first time, worked as a contractor for the first time and then was quickly let go. Since I turned 16, I've never been unemployed for longer than 3 months. I might break that record here pretty soon.

-Drove back across the country to South Carolina. Saw most of Chicago. Loved it. Took a much needed cruise in the Caribbean and actually found some time to relax.

So let's see what I did and did not accomplish based off of my resolution's for 2009:

-Start my MBA: My excuse was that I wasn't going to be home for the start of Fall quarter so I didn't apply.

-Be more like Batman: Definitely am more rich than I ever have been in the past. No martial arts training. No motorcycle lessons either. 1/3 points on that one.

-2 nights of vomiting due to drunkeness: Success! I only threw up once this year and that was due to seasickness. Although the feeling is very similar.

-Sports related resolutions: Mid range jumper: Worked on. Golf: Worked on. Raquetball: Not played (fail). Silvertips or Storm game: Had the chance, didn't go. Fail. 2/4 points.

-Be less cheap: Really? I thought I could put this on this year's resolution. To be completely honest I was more stingy in 2009 than I was in 2008. It's definitely getting worse. Failure.

-Pray more: There were some weeks that I would pray 3-4 times during the week. That's a lot for me, considering I hardly did any of it in 2008. I believe it really has helped my life.

-Experience more outside my comfort zone: Nope.

-Go to Vegas: Played in the WSOP with my dad! Awesome time, unfortunately we came home with less than we brought. But finally being back after such a long hiatus was perfect.

After going through all of these, I think I had too many resolutions for myself. So many that I forgot about some of them which is why I failed. Yes, I don't go back and read my posts, my new year's resolutions are usually just mental notes I hold on to throughout the year and sometimes they just don't stick.

So 2010...and new decade, here I come. I resolve to do (or try):

-Write less/higher quality posts. Somewhere along the line I thought that having 4 posts a month was a good idea. It's not. There were at least 4 months (this month included) where I'd look up and realize I had at least 2 more posts to write for that month with only a few days left. Then I felt forced to write and the stuff I put up I typically wasn't happy with. I was forcing it and I think it showed. Expect probably 20ish posts for 2010.

-Get a job, pay off our home equity line of credit.

-Put on some bulk. Sadly, I've had a skinny complex since I hit puberty. I'm wiry, I'm a stick, I get pushed around by guys with weight. As I sit right now I'm currently 190 lbs, and believe it or not, that's "filled out" in comparison to how I used to look 10 years ago. I'd like to gain 10 lbs of muscle and plan to do so by upping my protein intake and lifting more than I have been over the past few years. Included within this goal is the ability to do 10 pull ups in a row. I can currently do 4.

-Start preventative care/remove all notions of invincibility. I've read that around the age of 28 (which is what I will be turning in 2010) our bodies turn the corner and start getting worse. I've seen plenty of people in the baby boomer generation that live every day with pain. That's now how I want to be in 20-30 years. Sure, it's bound to happen (assuming no major medical breakthroughs) but I can do my best now by starting to take better care of myself now.

-Have faith. I worry way too much about too many things that are out of my control. I need to work on letting things go their course and have faith that things will either work out in my favor or just weren't meant to be (or happen to teach me a lesson). Faith in myself, my relationships, my world.

A lot has happened in the past decade. Everything can change in 10 years. In fact, I would be surprised if I was still sitting on a couch writing like this 10 years from now. Hopefully I'll be around to see.

Happy new year everyone.

A Vacation 30 Years In the Making

Not really 30 years...but that's what we were celebrating.

Happy 30th wedding anniversary mom and dad.

It was actually about a year in the making. My parents mentioned to me last December (or possibly sometime before or after that) that they wanted to take us all on a cruise for their 30th wedding anniversary.

Looking back on that - I thought it would be great. I thought it'd be great to take a much needed break at the end of the year - and I had it all planned out. By this past March I already had the vacation scheduled.

And then things changed.

Luckily, the date of my parent's anniversary doesn't change. And their plans to go on this cruise with their family didn't change either.

I wouldn't call it the greatest vacation I've ever taken - but it was definitely an experience.

We drove to Fort Lauderdale to board the Royal Caribbean's Independence of the Seas. It was an 8 day cruise with 4 of those days being at sea. We ported in St. Maarten, St. Thomas, Puerto Rico and Labadee.

Highlights from the cruise:

-Since it was stormy in Florida when we left the waves were a bit rocky for the first 3 days at sea. It took almost the entire family a day and a half to get our sea legs. Some of us even longer. The wife was in bed for basically 2 whole days - it's like the spinning drunkenness that never ends. Nor can you get off.

Our first morning on the cruise my sister's boyfriend and I thought it would be a good idea to go lift some weights. Seeing as how I was already a bit sea sick - massive exertion of energy didn't help matters. I was running to the nearest...toilet - sink, anything I could find. Luckily I was able to hold it until I got back to my estate room.

My sister wasn't so lucky. After my feeble attempt at a workout, we decided to go grab some breakfast at what would be the running joke of the entire cruise: The all day (From 6 am to 11 pm) buffet, "Windjammer". It was basically a step up from the OCB. And for those that don't know - I am a huge fan of buffets, but only once every 2-3 months. Not 2-3 times a day...sometimes 4.

You know when you eat at a buffet and everything starts to taste the same? That happened to me by lunch time on the 2nd day of the cruise.

That breakfast though was one of the hardest things I've ever done. While I was eating I was looking at my sister across the table who looked as pale as a zombie. She wasn't eating and I knew why - anything she tried to put down would immediately come back up. And I guess even without putting anything down things did start to come back up.

We grabbed some cups for her to yak in to. I don't think many people can say they were eating a buffet breakfast while watching one of their loved ones barf in to a cup across from them. I did.

And the worst part of it was that after filling roughly 3 cups full of her nastiness, she spilled one of them on the table. It looked like there was a yoke floating around in it's slimy terribleness. Then who was right on our tail to clean up the mess? A poor Windjammer employee - probably wondering why he ever left his 3rd world country for this.

-There were other free options for food which were all decent. There was a place called Sorrento's which had pizza and they had a cafe which served small sandwiches. Every night we'd go to the formal dining area for our 3 course meals (sometimes 5 or 6 courses). I was amazed that I could order multiple appetizers, entrees and desserts. It only took a few days to stretch my stomach out (I gained 8 lbs in 9 days).

-We didn't do much on the ship for the first 2 days. It felt a bit like a floating prison but with better food and better beds (I've never been in prison before). That is, until we found the activities list. Every day there were sports tournaments (volleyball, dodgeball, ping pong, basketball, golf) a belly flop contest, trivia was held every 5 hours, there was a ship wide scavenger hunt. And unfortunately for us we didn't really start getting involved in those activities until around day 4. If I had to do it all over again I'd start with the activities immediately.

-The first port that we stopped in was St. Maarten. Everyone was so happy that the boat had stopped that all we wanted to do was lay on the beach. St. Maarten is interesting because the island is split with a French side and a Dutch side. We were taxied to the Orient beach on the French side which included a nudist colony. Unfortunately just like other nudist resorts, 95% of the people that were in the buff probably should not have been. One woman I saw laying down on the beach, I couldn't tell where her breasts stopped and the next of 4 fat rolls began. I saw a Peter Griffin too - a guy with such a fat belly that it hung down over his manhood. He obviously didn't need swimming trunks either.

-The next port we stopped at was St. Thomas. Downtown was just a mess of jewelry stores. I don't think I've ever seen that many stores that sold diamonds in one place before. The only other business I saw downtown was a hooters (obviously) and that was it. After paying an arm and a leg the day before for a taxi ride to and from the beach ($120) I haggled with a taxi in St. Thomas and got twice as long of a ride for 1/3rd the cost. I don't know why I didn't apply my haggling skills the day before.

The taxi drove us from downtown to Megan's Bay lookout (My description doesn't do it justice) and then to Coki beach. No nudity this time, but one of the best beaches I've ever been to.

-The next 2 ports we stopped in were Puerto Rico and Labadee. We walked all of old San Juan Puerto Rico and got ourselves some headaches for lunch at Senor Frogs. Labadee was basically a port made specifically for the cruise lines. It was a beach that Royal Caribbean had purchased from the Haitians and you could tell. Everything was man made and it all felt very fake. In my opinion it was an unfortunate way to end the port stops, but then again we had some of the best cruise provided food (BBQ on the beach) the entire week there.

Overall we all had a good time on the cruise. I'm not sure if I would do it again any time soon, and if I did I'd probably find a cruise with a lot less days at sea (we spent almost half the cruise at sea). Most importantly I got in a lot of quality time with my family which is definitely what I needed. Last year I didn't miss my family as much as I do this year. I blame it on the weather down here (almost as cold as it is in Seattle) and also already being familiar with a lot of things in Charleston.

While we were on the cruise my mom kept mentioning how they had gone to all of these islands 20 years ago. I kept thinking how crazy it would be for us to return in another 20 years. We just might.

Didn't Want To

...have to write this post.

But maybe it'll help me get it off my mind.

22 days ago (I'm amazed it's been that long, but I was on vacation for 18 of them) I was "let go" (I refuse to use the term "fired" as it was never mentioned to me when they "let me go") from Boeing Charleston.

Started on the 18th of September. Ended on the 4th of December.

It's really bothered me for a few reasons. One being that I made more money in those 2 and a half months than I ever have in any previous job (sans my pops in both poker and the stock market). Not only did I get paid really well, but I honestly did enjoy the work I was doing. Every day I was learning something and new problems were always being brought to my attention. I (thought) I had the power to go out and solve problems - turns out maybe I didn't.

Also, because a lot of people I know (who I consider friends) currently work for Boeing. Even the wife works for the same program I was working for and talks to a lot of the same people on a daily basis that I was training. Today she was frustrated with an issue that I was trying to fix. I feel vindicated because not only has the problem that I could have resolved within a couple weeks (by now) not been fixed, it's doubled in size.

Finally, the way I was "let go" was unethical. Because I was working as a contractor for them, they could get rid of me for any reason. And in my opinion they saw an opportunity and took it.

I wrote this email to my friends the day I was let go to explain as to why it occurred:

1) I was written an email on Tuesday from my manager which said they were cutting my overtime to 10 hours a week. I told them I couldn’t do my job in that amount of time. For the past 5 weeks I had been averaging at least 60 hours a week (sometimes working over 70). And I knew a lot of people there that were there to pick up a paycheck. So many people just sitting around chatting on gmail and checking their facebook/fantasy football teams. Everyone saying, "That isn't my job. That wasn't me. Every job was my job - I was willing to do it all. I worked through my lunches. I'd stop working in the office because people told me to go home, just to log in from home. I saw so many opportunities where work needed to be done that I felt like I could stay in this work environment for years and I still wouldn't be happy with how good the operation was.

2) My job was to provide metrics in regards to part shortages to the airplanes. Other than that, no one ever told me what my job was (EXTREMELY poor management). In the system that I built my metrics off of we had the ability to provide reason codes as to why a specific part was short. Our parts buyers were assigning parts to our engineers, meaning that the reason that the part was short was due to a problem in engineering – the only problem was that our engineers didn’t have access to the system. So once the part had been "fixed", no one (but me at this point) could take the assignment of the part away from the engineers. I brought this problem to management and they told me to create a list of parts that our engineers could work and that I would do the work in the system for them (This work alone was 50 hours a week in itself - providing status for 150 parts a day and working with at least 6 different engineers is time consuming). For 2 weeks I sent this list to our engineers and got no response. Finally I went back to an engineering manager (not my manager) who told me to go talk to the engineers that could do the work for me. I did that at the beginning of this week. The engineers were very receptive (seemingly) and were willing to work my list of parts (which took higher priority than anything else they were working on). On Wednesday I started to get responses from my engineers on parts which I then updated in the system in regards to their status. Yesterday I met with my manager again after working 14 hours on Wednesday from the list and said, “I can’t do this on my own. Either get someone to help me or let me work the overtime.” They told me no go.

2a) In a standard work environment, a manager tells an employee what needs to be done. This was done in my situation. In a standard work environment an employee might possibly question management's decision and ask for explanation as to why the decision was made. Management in this situation will provide a logical response (we would think) and the the employee would abide by the change. If the employee did not then that would be grounds for firing. In my situation I brought up the question as to why I could not continue working this overtime and was in turn "let go".

3) Today I was pulled aside and told that it was completely unacceptable to work those hours and that I had overstepped my bounds in regards to my job. It was my job to run the metrics and nothing else. It wasn’t my job to “manage” the engineers even though management had originally directed me down that path.

4) The day before I was let go I was involved in a non-advocate review. This is where another department from Boeing comes in and judges the performance of your department and then provides suggestions for improvement. One of the most shocking things for me was that when I looked around the room at the people that were being interviewed in this review - they were all-stars from the other departments I had worked with. And there I was too - only 2 months in. I was told to "tell the truth" and I did. To put it kindly, I ripped the program a new one. Communication within the entire organization was the worst I've ever seen. Everyone played the blame game, pointing fingers at each other instead of working together. Not only between departments, but even within departments. The systems were complete garbage. When I mentioned to the review board that I had roughly 70% confidence in the data that I was working with their mouths dropped. I knew that people were manipulating the data to make themselves look good and I let them know (looking back on this now this is another reason I was let go - someone has to tell the truth at some point though). In my opinion to even have a chance at doing something as specialized as building airplanes you have to have 98% certainty or better in your data. And finally, there was no training. It was a fly by the seat of your pants environment where we were changing and creating work flows on a weekly basis. And people were so damn scared to screw up and get fired (obviously) that they never asked questions and therefore never did things right. During the 2 months I was there, I was the 6th person to either be fired or relocated - just within my own department of probably 40 people. If that isn't a recipe for disaster I don't know what is.

So, I am sure by Friday word from the non-advocate review team had gotten around to my management team which is another reason they probably let me go. Again, completely unethical in my eyes - you don't shoot the messenger for providing you bad news.

5) On Wednesday I wrote to everyone that I would be leaving for vacation next Friday. Seeing as how I don’t get paid while I was on vacation I had asked my manager if any hours of OT I had been working could be rolled to straight time for the weeks I was going to be gone. Looking back on this now I’m thinking that the vacation may have been part of it.

*big breath*

So that's where I stand (sit) right now. Once again jobless. And a complete 180 from the last time I lost my job - where I was given 4 months notice and then paid a nice severance to see me on my way. This "letting go" was completely unexpected and the only thing I received was my last paycheck while I cruised off to the Caribbean.

The dilemma for me is that I saved almost every dollar that I earned during those 2+ months. And the amount of money that I earned was equal to almost a full year's salary in my previous position. So, it's kind of tough for me right now to be diving in to a job search because: 1) We'll probably be heading back to Seattle now once the wife's contract is up 2) I don't need money (seriously) from a job for the next 6-9 months (or up to 2 years if really need be).

I learned a few things though during my time contracting: 1) Getting paid as a contractor is the best - as long as you have a spouse who is covering you benefits wise. 2) The nail that sticks out gets hammered - big time. The next time I'm in a corporate environment like this I'm shutting my mouth, ducking management and being as much of a "Yes" man as possible. 3) I was always interested in lean manufacturing ever since college. In fact, operations was the only class I got a 4.0 in. Now that I've had a taste for it I want to work in a similar environment for at least a few years until I get bored of it. Trying to find something like this might be challenging though.

I keep dreaming in the mornings that I've got an excel sheet that needs to be worked, or that someone will call me back in realizing what a mistake they've made. Unfortunately those are just dreams. Moving on has been tough, but it will get done.

Rando Post Dec 09

Wow.

4 more posts to go this year and then it's over.

I've got a lot swirling around in my brain right now.

Things I can talk about. Things I go OFF on. But, the people that need to know, already know and once the dust has settled a bit I can really let loose (expect a post later on this month once I'm back from vacation).

First off, this:

The Story of Stuff

Please watch the videos. This is exactly the kind of thing I've been writing about in this blog for years. Let's STOP (or at least cut back) our consuming. Because when you take the consumer out of the picture the entire chain falls on it face. But what then? What are we left with then?

I would love to see.

Anyway, please watch the 2 videos that are available on that website. Real change starts with each one of us - not Mr. President just talking about it.

I was checking my google analytics today because another blog I read had mentioned search terms which lead readers to his blog. I couldn't find where those terms were - but what I did find was something itneresting: The amount of visitors to my blog has increased a great deal. 10 fold.

And I really don't know why. I don't use tags. I don't make my blog easy to find. I've rid this blog (I think) of everything that would give people the ability to figure out who I was (unless they really wanted to search for my true identity). But anyway, to the 132 of you since November 9th who have visited my site - and the 60 of you who actually read something - what do you think? I rarely get comments, but I think comments are some of the best parts about blogging. This is what it's all about right? The most open form of communication?

It's weird to think about how cold it is right now in Washington. In Charleston I have our air conditioning on to keep it at 70 degrees or below. Yes, I am sitting here in my bball shorts right now.

I also tend to trip out on it currently being 8 pm on the west coast too. Everything is so much later on the east coast.

I was involved in a conversation today where someone had said the next big thing in regards to transportation was going to be personal aircraft.

I have to disagree. Personally I think the future will be all about automation. We are so much closer right now to having cars drive for us then we are getting everyone to learn how to fly.

Since they have cars that can parallel park for you - and cars that automatically brake for you when you're in trouble - the next step is just getting the car to drive on it's own.

And I know it's coming. They've been working on it for a few years now.

So imagine if we could get a majority of people to use the automated driving system. Or be forced to use it during peak driving hours. We could have computers making all the "correct" decisions for us while driving and traffic would be minimized. After only 11 years of driving, rarely do I feel the desire to really drive anywhere - just to drive. I would say 90% of the time I'm hitting the road I'd prefer to just type in a destination in to my GPS and let my car drive me there while I enjoy my music/TV/etc.

Have you ever listened to someone snore and then get tired yourself?

That's what I'm going through right now. I guess not really a rando post for me - not enough topics, but it'll have to do. Caribbean here I come!

Most Unrelaxing Thanksgiving Weekend Ever

The In Law Grandma.

Imagine George Costanza’s mom. That’s what she sounds like. Nasally – scratchy voice. She’s 80 years old and doesn’t give an EFF about anyone but herself. Quick with the tongue, and just tries to get in to shouting matches with people – again because she doesn’t give an eff. And if it’s silent? She has to talk. She has to say something and most of the time it’s complaining. She’s super hypocritical and thinks her opinion is the bible. God forbid you disagree with anything she says. And if you actually start talking with her? She has to OVERTALK you and her voice gets louder the more you talk.

Examples of her terribleness which made my weekend hell:

-She walks through the door, first thing – “I’m thirsty. Can I have some water?” “Yes.” “Where are your cups.” “In the cupboard.” “Is it OK if I use one of these glasses?” “Yes.” “Are you sure?” “Yes.” “Ok, do you drink out of the tap here? I don’t like to drink tap water.” “No, we have a Pur in the fridge” “Oh, well I have a Brita at home, I think it tastes better. You guys should buy a brita instead.” *starts to grab our pur water* “Ohhh jeez, this thing is heavy! I don’t think my Brita is this heavy. I think the shape of my brita makes it less awkward to lift – for us old ladies and all.”

That’s just a glass of water.

-My guest bathroom. We told her not to lock the hallway bathroom door so we could go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. She locked it on her first night here. I had to hold my p33 from 3 am to 5:30 am when she finally woke up and I could get in through her bedroom.

-Since there were 5 of us, we could all fit in one car. Not once did she offer the front seat to either me or the wife's mom (the 2 biggest people out of the 5 of us). So I was always crunched in the back seat with one of us sitting yatch. She “deserves” to ride in the front seat from all those years of being an awesome mom/grandma. *rolls eyes*

-She didn’t pay for ONE meal. The wife and I and her parents split them. She didn’t pay for ONE tank of gas. The wife's parents FLEW to tampa to pick her up because flying is “Such a pain” for her. We gave her a Christmas present (glitter painting of her dog) because we knew we wouldn’t be seeing her over Christmas. She gave us nothing.

-We went to the beach after our good thanksgiving meal (it was 72 degrees and sunny here). When we got there she immediately started complaining because the wind was making her cold and she wouldn’t even leave the car (after stepping out and feeling the STANDARD coastal breeze). We had asked her if she was sure she had wanted to go to the beach before we left.

-After climbing the stairs to our apt once she sat down in a huff (super out of shape) and said, “Phew! If I walked like that everyday (from the garage to our apt) I would feel 100% better! (Captain obvious statements like this all weekend)

-When she ran out of things to complain about, she’d start complaining about restaurants she – NONE of us have ever been to. “Look at that place over there (we’re walking downtown) I bet that place has 100 things on the menu and they’re all CRAP. I mean, how does a place like that stay in business? Why does the community support them?” Me: Well you don’t have to eat there if you don’t want to. “I won’t!”

-We took her to the farmer’s market on Saturday morning. For the people that have gone, IMO it’s pretty cool. Good time. Get out, see the locals, try out some good food. Her: Do you like these sort of things? Me: Yeah, I think it’s fun. Her: It’s just so much work though. Me: Really? Her: Yes, I used to work one of these down in Florida twice a year. Me: Wow. Must’ve been tough. Her: It was a thankless job for a stupid art community.

Destroyer of fun.

-5:30 am on my first day off (thanksgiving morning): We’re sleeping out on the floor. She comes out and turns on the BRIGHT kitchen light, still sees us sleeping and says, “OOOPPPS” really loud (IMO trying to wake us up) and then proceeds to ground her coffee beans. Later that morning, “Did I wake you guys up? Cause I didn’t mean to wake you guys up. I was just going nutty in that room on my own without my coffee!”

I think I've had enough for the next couple of years. Hope to see you in 2011 grandma.

TBT

It's been a long time since I've given financial advice.

Probably because I've cut back my day trading to swing trading and am making such small plays that my heart isn't completely in it. Ever since the crash and rebound I've gone through some unsteady financial times myself (losing my job mainly) so I didn't feel like I had the ability to play big - really put some "dry powder" to work in something I believed in.

Also, believe it or not, there are people out there that actually read my blog for the finance/market aspect of it. They've told me personally. Shocker, I know.

Anyway, on to my idea.

TBT is the...well...I think if I explained it your eyes might start to gloss over. So you can gloss over the description here (from Google Finance/Reuters):
"ProShares UltraShort 20+ Year Treasury (the Fund), formerly ProShares UltraShort Lehman 20+ Year Treasury, seeks daily investment results that correspond to twice (200%) the inverse (opposite) of the daily performance of the Barclays Capital 20+ Year U.S. Treasury Bond Index (the Index). The Index includes all publicly issued, the United States Treasury securities that have a remaining maturity greater than 20 years, are non-convertible, are denominated in United States dollars, are rated investment grade (at least Baa3 by Moody's Investors Service or BBB- by Standard & Poor's (S&P)), are fixed rate, and have more than $250 million par outstanding. The Index is weighted by the relative market value of all securities meeting the Index criteria. The Fund takes positions in securities and/or financial instruments that, in combination, should have similar daily return characteristics as –200% of the daily return of the Index. The Fund’s investment advisor is ProShare Advisors LLC."

You can learn more about it here.

In my words (and again, I by no means am a professional in this area), as yield prices on the 20 year bonds rise, prices go down. Therefore, a double short on the price of 20 year bonds will go up - in this situation, double.

So why would I buy this?

The market will demand higher rates in the coming months. Rates have been "historically low" for too long. Pretty soon with all of the printing of money from the stimulus inflation will be coming. Sure, inflation has been stagnant for now, but once the economy starts to turn a little (and it already is - how far we turn is an entirely different post) we're going to start tightening rates again.

The Fed can give us as much lip service as they want to keep this government-stimulated rally alive - but as standard - actions speak louder. Bernanke has told us that rates won't rise until "sometime next year". For those of that haven't noticed, "next year" is less than 40 days away. Kind of scary, I know.

As long the market doesn't crash again in to a double dip recession, and we avoid all other disasters (major earthquake/fires/floods/terrorist attacks) I can see the economy stabilizing slowly - and the rates starting to make a come back.

Meaning TBT only has one place to go from here - up. I've waited on this for a few months - I got others in to it at $43. But I finally pulled the trigger yesterday and bought some March $47 calls for under $2/contract. Now I'll just continue to build my position between now and early February and watch the money roll in.

Price target for TBT: $58 (35% return if you buy the ETF at $45, I'm looking for roughly 600% return on my option).
Target Date: 2/18/2010
Price release point: $39 (-15% for the ETF, date dependent percentage loss on the option).

For those of you that have questions on this play, please let me know. I love to talk money with those as interested in making it as I am.

The Writing On The Wall

My 200th post! Wow.

That's a lot of boring stuff to read.

And assuming my OCDness of having 4 posts per month, that means I've been writing for probably close to 50 months.

Weird.

That can't be right.

Today was a ground breaking ceremony for the company I am currently working for. It's a big deal down here in South Carolina, where the unemployment rate is still going up and is currently I believe at 12.8%.

Because it means one thing: Jobs. A way to pay for a family - to buy a house, buy food, enjoy life. A means.

But since this company chose South Carolina - specifically North Charleston as their new home for this new warehouse, that means they didn't chose my old home.

Sure, it was all in the making.

I could see the writing on the wall.

The business climate is just not good where I'm from.

The traffic is terrible. The government can't get anything done. Taxes are high and really you don't get much out of it. But the talent pool is strong - which then again means that the average wage is going to be higher.

So, all I can see there are CONS.

If there is one thing I've learned from trading the market it's always to look at trends. Look ahead. Get in before the crowd and get out before the crowd.

So here's the trend: Will Everett - a place that is 10 miles from my "home" become the next Detroit?

It started slowly. Detroit scoffed at the idea of people in Tennessee building cars.

But look at the auto manufacturers now. They go where it's cheap. They leave unions in the dust to rot. And in turn, entire communities, supporting businesses and home prices.

Being down here I can see this economy turning around. Companies will flock now that they've seen someone take the lead. I feel like I could have a guaranteed job for possibly even 20 years. And if I continued working like I am right now (more on that in another post) - I could be well ahead of my early retirement goal.

And all I can see up north is a great exodus. And because our families are anchored there, we'll be left holding the bag.

Sure, it's a bit chicken little of me to be saying all of this, but I'll be kicking myself 5-10 years down the road if what I predict comes true.

I just can't see it working out for the Tacoma to Everett area. Where I can see excitement, an eagerness to work and a new energy down here.

I don't know if I'm even able to make big decisions like that or not...

Scared

Tonight

Laying in bed

The wife said to me,

"You know, a year from now, you might be taking care of our 1 month old baby."

It was the most scared I've been in years.

Moving on to the next step is coming a lot sooner than I thought it was. And it's not that I didn't know it was coming. It's kind of like it's never felt that real to me.

Many days I look at myself and still see the teenager looking back in the mirror.

So there's a lot of personal growth that's going to be done, and a lot of new responsibility.

But what I continue to hear from every new parent out there (since we're of that age now): The good far outweighs the bad. Even my neighbor's son who is a little over 2 years old now - even though he was taught to say, "I love you (name)." When he says that to us, nothing can be wrong in the world.

And when I look back on my life and how awesome it has been - a smidge (not actually a word - boo) over a quarter of it, why not bring someone else in to enjoy the fun - someone we can mold in our own image and someone that can hopefully do better than us. Make us proud, give us hope and love. Always a future to look forward to.

First Retirement Milestone

I feel like it's taken forever to get here - seeing as how I've worked since I was 15 and a half...but we're here now.

Just as of this past month, my wife and I combined broke what I considered our first major retirement milestone: $100K saved. Between 2 401K accounts, 2 Roth IRA accounts and 1 joint savings account.

I figured this was a blog more steered towards my #1 goal in life and it's been some time since I've updated everyone on my/our status. Well, not really, I guess I did talk about the market falling off less than 2 months ago. And I still think we've got farther to drop once all of this stimulus runs it's course through the market...

But I wanted to mention this to everyone because even though you may think we're doing alright - I'm unfortunately not as far ahead as I'd like to be.

This is one of my favorite retirement calculators.

Years ago I wanted to retire by 42. Then I kind of pushed it back seeing as how that was 15 years from now. Sure, I can still get lucky, but the chances of making it there are slim.

So I pushed it back a few years. I figured 45.

But the spending ended up being a lot higher in my life than I expected it to be (unfortunately not much of my doing) and my income hasn't really picked up until lately.

Now, since my layoff at the beginning of August I've decided 45 may just be a pipe dream (amazing how quickly I can change my dates - and all within a few years). I'm now pushing back my retirement age (for both me and my wife) to 52. I know, that is so far away - and from everyone I've spoken with that is nearing that age (or older) they laugh at me and say "that's so young!".

I know it is - but it's not really "retirement". It's "financial freedom". So every day instead of having to go to work, I will want to go work. And if I don't want to? No big deal. And with the days zooming by lately (anyone see where the past 2 months went?) I think my 30s and 40s will be gone before I know it (very scary).

So, per the calculator I linked, we have an 86% chance of making it to our goal of retirement at 52 and not out living our money with a life expectancy of 90. But that's assuming so many things (which is also scary). That assumes we continue to both have jobs and earn good money. It assumes a 7% yearly return on investment (IMO unlikely). It assumes inflation won't run rampant - which I think it will even within the next 3-5 years.

There are so many "ifs" right now that it's an extremely daunting task trying to account for them all. So the best I can do is just to continue to check off those milestones. Next up, $250K, $500K then our first cool million. My mini-goal is to be a millionaire in cash by the time I'm 40. It's unlikely but a boy's gotta have dreams right?

Typical Skeptic

I've always questioned 9/11.

But seeing this clip has solidified my belief that it was all part of a master plan - that the terrorists were just an easy scapegoat.

You can read more about it on wiki and the whole reason I got in to this - Charlie Sheen's 20 Minutes with the President.


I'd recommend getting straight to the numbered points that he makes.

Just remember - you are always expendable. Things are always just a "coincidence".

Rando Thoughts October 09

Haven't had one of these in some time.

So

Here we go.

Sometimes when I am petting my dog I expect her to look up at me and say, "Thanks."

Or something more than that. But just a couple words because, you know, an entire sentence might be a little too much to take on at that point.

I imagine myself freaking out. Dancing around the room. Going to grab my camera to record some video of her talking. Although I think it would be awesome and we'd probably become super famous millionaires from all the publicity, I kind of like the amount of non-talking she does. Even though her bark is enough to drive me mad.

That reminds me of the news I watched in Florida this past weekend. They showed a dog who could read. I didn't get it. Or, I was trying to figure out a way that the owner could've trained the dog to read without really reading. Like if he had the flash cards in the same order every time. Or if he was making secret gestures or changing his body language every time he changed a card. Because dogs can pick up on stuff like that. They have to. They can't talk. Or read. Yet.

My cousin emailed me this link. I try to do my part to help out with the environment. I hardly ever consume anything (cause I'm cheap). I don't drink bottled waters. I recycle even though they don't do curbside pick up here. Yes, I have to bring my recycling all the way to the local recycling center here. After letting it pile up for 2 weeks it's usually time to bring it in.

But seeing this kind of stuff is heart breaking. I know I shouldn't care, heck I ate probably an entire chicken today - but these birds were free. Not like farm raised animals who are going to be killed regardless.

I see stuff like this and think, "It's useless. We're screwed." But then I wonder if one of my theories about the human race will become true. If we'll start to decay as a species instead of evolving. And because of the decay there will be less of us, therefore less consumption. Throw in the whole drive for leaner, more efficient processes = less jobs = less money to buy food = war possibly? Probably not - they'll probably be some talking head on TV pounding the table about the "resiliency of the human race". See how I changed those last two words there? Because in the future it'll be different. A little.

I saw my senior manager and her husband at the grocery store this evening. And it was kind of odd seeing as how I was just busting my arse for her a couple hours prior. It was almost like seeing your teacher at the grocery store. Kind of awkward...but not as bad. It's easy to run in to coworkers out here because they take over half of the property that we're currently living in.

As we walked out of the grocery store I was thinking, "I wonder where those two stand in their circle of friends and family?" Being a senior manager at one of the largest companies in the world is definitely going to have it's perks. And her husband works there too. She's already talked to me about her 401k cause I had shared that I had an interest in finance related things. So I know where she stands there (and I'll leave the readers hanging on for something that I won't publish) but I don't know how she stands socially.

I mean, from what I've seen she's really given up a lot of her life/soul in to this company - and I see it in my wife's mother too. Both women sticking with their jobs for over 20 years - companies that have paid for their lives, but at the same times have taken a majority of it away from them. Terrible to think about it that way but...I do.

Anyway, I couldn't help but look at them in the grocery store and almost see a 30 year reflection of the wife and me. Would that be us in 28 years? Are they happy? Obviously they're still together so they must have done something right.

But every story is different. And the best I can do is take the good from other relationships and try to apply it and leave out the rest.

I'm getting no sleep. I feel like I nap every night. Usually I get 6 hours a night of sleep and that's "good enough". I like to get 7. But now I'm getting 5 at most, sometimes 4. Because I'm still trying to live my "pre-overtime" life outside of work, fitting in all my standard activities (blogging *cough*) while working all day.

I am always told, "You can't keep burning the candles on both ends."

It's, "I can't" never did anything. It's "did" that did it.

Probably screwed that up, because I always do.

I am struggling with buying this Garmin GPS. Why? Because it's almost late October. Which means November is coming up. Which means that Black Friday/ridiculous holiday deals are almost here.

But here's the problem: We have family coming in for Thanksgiving. We'll "need" the GPS by the time they get here. ("Need" is in quotations because we've lived without it this far, so why do I need it now? Ugh...)

We drove across the country with a borrowed GPS - one not as cool as this one, but still pretty awesome. And it made life a little bit easier. I was skeptical at first, but after it got us to 3 destinations properly (without any crazy u-turns) I trusted it.

So...to put it in list form:

Pros: "Need" to drive around (for vacations, back across the country)
Saves time/paper by not needing to print up directions anymore
Saves time by not getting lost anymore after reading said printed directions
Saves anger/frustration from getting lost (which happens about 10% of the time - e.g. really lost and having to ask directions)
Gives us the ability to find healthier options/more interesting for food on road trips instead of just going to the nearest McDonalds.

Cons: Money. Always the money. Can I buy this cheaper in a month?
MSN direct services is free for 3 months after puchase. Wouldn't I want this service on the drive home from Charleston to Seattle? If yes, shouldn't I wait until at least December (assuming we go home in February?)
I've lived so long without one, why purchase one now?
A better one will always be coming out 2-3 years from now and I'll be wishing I had a new one which = more $$$
Sometimes the voices in the GPS are annoying/they don't have any funny ones (for free).
More distractions in the car = higher probability of accidents.

Seriously. I have been thinking about making this purchase for a month. This is how painful it is to be me in regards to spending on something I don't need.

That's it for now. Time to brush my teeth and get my 4 and a half hours of sleep. Usually when I write this fast I miss key words in my writing so...yeah.

Business Acumen

I've been thinking a lot about my first year at my previous job a lot lately.

Because one of the things that kept popping up out of probably one of the smartest guys I've ever worked with was his drive to constantly build his business acumen.

Sure, I understood what the words meant, but admittedly 5 and a half years later I still don't feel that I've gotten to that same point that he was at. To me it was like he was chasing something that couldn't be caught.

Within a year he was moving on to something better - and I missed him as a coworker, but I knew he couldn't stay in such an easy position. He was bored and unhappy. I was bored and loved getting paid for doing barely anything. I got in to a routine and I left "well enough" alone.

I worked with people I never felt really challenge me. Rarely did I ever learn on the job, and although it was fun and easy going most of the time - I'm starting to now realize what I was missing out on.

In my new position, every day I am impressed.

People that surround me get things almost immediately. They communicate effectively and concisely.

There is no time to waste. There are deadlines to meet, stress levels are high, and every day feels like a battle.

Every day in my last job felt like a retirement home in comparison. Waking up, reading the newspaper, checking what's on the menu for lunch and dinner tonight. Maybe watch a couple of old movies on Turner Classic and then get in my prime time law and order. Yes. That is what it will be like to be old.

The problem is that I've been stuck in a position for so long dealing with people who (sadly) I believe are at or below my level that I've got a lot of catching up to do. Not only do I have to learn the language (the company has their own online acronym dictionary), I have to take up a critical role within this company down here - after never being with the company before, this being midway through my 5th week with them.

The learning curve has been steep. And I've said to everyone I've shaken hands with, "I'm here to help out. I'm a sponge and I'm going to soak up as much as possible as quickly as possible."

Because no one wants to take time out to train the "new guy" and get him up to speed. In my last job we had books on how to learn the job we did. There was nothing for me. It was, "Get in, get your hands dirty and learn as you go." I've heard that's how training has been for everyone - but in this type of environment I'm not so sure.

So today, one of the things I was impressed by was the level of communication. And sure, it was just employees talking to one another - but it reminded me of my 8th grade English teacher, Mr. Schultz. Who talked to us using what I like to refer to as "big words". And how using more descriptive/precise words would help us out in the future someday. Unfortunately for me that someday is yesterday and to this point I haven't implemented any of the vocabulary I've learned over the past 27 years.

So my face turns bright red when I'm sitting in the middle of a meeting table, my senior manager in front of me and the room being filled with all of her direct reports - the 4 top managers at the factory. She poses a question directly to me, which I had an answer for. But...it sounded stupid. That's the only way I can put it. I gave her part of the right answer (where another manager picked up from) but in comparison to everyone else that was speaking at the meeting I sounded like a 5th grader in a college lit class. I'm sure no one else other than me took it that way (they were all buried in their blackberrys anyway) but still, there's no reason I should feel that way.

As an example (and maybe this is standard at your office, but at my previous one it was not) here are some vocabulary words I heard in the meeting today:

-Indignant
-Prescient
-Galvanize
-Tertiary
-Inflammatory
-Languid
-Reticent

I don't know if any of you use these words in your daily dialogue, but I sure don't. So maybe that's one part of this "acumen" thing I've always wondered about.

One might say it's piqued my curiosity on the subject. Or at least I can hope to avoid feeling "stupid" in front of people in the future.

Dear My Single Guy Friends,

Quit it.

Stop it.

Stop being single and acting like you don't care. That being single is the best thing in the world because you can do whatever you want to whenever you want to and have no one to answer to about what and when and how you do it.

I've lived alone before for a few months and it was one of the most disheartening experiences in my entire life. I don't know how many of you continue to live your lives like that. Filling it with TV, internet and alcohol.

Here's the thing: There are people out there for you. Who are more than willing to take you on a test drive. A first date. And yet you sit there and wuss out. Going home that night wondering "what could have been?". Thinking to yourself how you saw an opportunity and did completely nothing about it. Chalk it up as another failure.

I am writing this post because last night I got to a point where I was so fed up with it, that I took over. I was the guts. And I got the glory (for someone else of course).

Scenario: Softball team celebrating a win together at a bar. Majority of males at our table, half of whom are single.

A cute brunette woman (slim, long brown hair, good teeth) walks up and sits down next to us. She is suddenly the attention of everyone at the table but focuses in on single guy (SG) who will remain nameless.

SG and her are chatting it up. Smiling. Focused on each other. Everyone else realizes to lay off of her so we can give SG a chance. At love.

After what seems like 30 minutes of conversation she gets up and leaves - still seemingly happy.

So we ask SG: "What's her story?"

We get the info on her. And lead in to the question that everyone asks after a random meeting like this: "Did you get her number?"

"No."

*shocked*

"What? Why not?"

"Just...cause."

"Pffttt"

I could not believe SG is letting this girl slip away. I get up from the table and head to the bathroom and see that she is already on to her next single guy (who is much less attractive and more than likely doesn't have as good a personality/job as her first SG).

So I decide right there that I'll finish the job. I'll get the number. I've got liquid courage. The wife is there and I've already gotten clearance from her too.

So while SG is heading to the bathroom I make my move. I go over, tell her that SG thinks she's cute. She asks me if this is junior high all over again. We laugh.

Because for some of you guys, it freaking is junior high all over again. You SGs out there have so little guts you remind me of myself in 7th grade calling girls I had crushes on and hanging up as soon as I heard "hello".

I tell her about how my SG is just really nervous around girls, how he hasn't had a gf since college (which is getting pretty far away for some of us now - sad) and that if she would give him a chance I think she might like him. So who gets the number for SG? This guy.

Proud of myself I hop in the car to share the good news with SG. Only to hear complaints from him about it. Complaints? When I asked him how he was going to run in to her again he said he would stalk her at work (she works at a restaurant across the city). And that would be better than calling her? Stalking her at work? No.

Complaints invalid.

So to all you older SGs out there (you're almost 30 now): C'mon already. Grow a pair. Lonely people (hate to say just women - don't want to discriminate) out there rely on you to step it up.