Side Note:

I feel like discussing a few different things tonight. Thus the title of tonight's post.

Side note: I can see the moon through the trees from my computer room. The soft light from the lamp behind me somehow keeps me warm although I am only in my boxers. Warm showers and days that I work out make for a very nice rest. I can already feel my eyes begin to droop.

Side note: Everyone has something wrong about them. Figure out what yours is and stop complaining about it.

SN ((side note) for those not following along): 90 degrees and 80% humidity is unbearable to some. Some have to use aircon.

SN: Nail pops, AKA house settling AKA WHAT THE FUCK...are there burglars in my house who are going to kill me? *scared* They are annoying. I bet if I lived in a concrete house I would be A) cold B) not afraid of my wood house and it's nail pops. Every time I hear a freaking nail pop I think someone is behind me. Luckily the shimmer off the plexi glass window in front of me reassures me that no one is behind me with a sawed off shot gun, unregistered by Washington state, ski mask and all.

SN: Reference moon SN. The moon is sinking. I once watched it "set" into the ocean. It was one of the most romantic nights of my life.

SN: "Zero percent interest for 1-X years (X being less than infinity) does not mean you never have to pay it.

SN: Seth: Hey, what you doing
Nick: Nothing
Seth: Aight, I'm coming over
Nick: Aight
*4 minutes, 38 seconds later*
Nick: Holy shit! Did you run here?
Seth: No, big wheel yatch! *points to plastic tricycle in Nick's yard*
Nick: Shit, you look hot
Seth: Yeah, got a drink of water?
Nick: Yeah, come on in.
*tv is on, Seth and Nick sit down on couch*
Seth: So what'd you do today? Fucking work man, I just worked. That's it, and biked here.
Nick: Yeah, nothing really. *itches* Umm, just studied for CPA.
Seth: You lucky bastard...better not be cheater bastard on these shits.
*Seth and Nick watch TV for 1.3 hours as Seth gets up to leave midway through "celeb hottest couples on VH1"*

Seth: Aight, I'm heading home
Nick: See you later

*high five*

SN: Running is awesome. Girls who run are hot.

SN: I am fucking excited for Vegas. However, going with Michelle is like watching my parents go. Who is asleep at 10:30 pm on every night they are in Vegas? Michelle and my parents and the rest of the AARP that goes to Vegas for who knows what reason...

Reasons I would like to go with Random Guy A with $1500 instead of Michelle (who I will refer to from here on out as RGAW/$1.5K ):

RGAW/$1.5K doesn't sleep the first night in Vegas. He drinks and stumbles back to his room at 5 in the morning and pukes on a sick bastard who is excercising (read: running) on the strip. He is pleased. Michelle on the other hand is asleep.

RGAW/$1.5K gambles with his own money. Michelle does not.

RGAW/$1.5K might win. If RGAW/$1.5K wins money he either A) buys Seth drinks B) helps pay for the hotel C) buys Seth food. Michelle "might" do C) if it's $40 or less.

RGAW/$1.5K understands that flying to Vegas is just a necessary evil that he must endure for 2 hours down there and 2 hours back. Michelle cries and pukes and scares Seth and makes him think he will die for a month leading up to the flight, while driving to the airport, while boarding the plane and while on the plane. The moment we land RGAW/$1.5K is excited to be in Vegas. Michelle on the other hand is dreading the flight home.

RGAW/$1.5K gets fucking drunk with Seth. Seth and RGAW/$1.5K pat each other on the back and talk about how they're best friends and retell stories they shared from their childhood although RGAW/$1.5K grew up in Hoboken, New Jersey, is 25 years Seth's senior and has had his nose broken 3 times from random drunken fist fights. Seth is afraid RGAW/$1.5K has been drinking too much tonight.

SN: I really want to write more about RGAW/$1.5K, but he's starting to get annoying. I was trying to prove how he was BETTER...I might have to rethink that one.

SN: It's not my fucking dog. Hind sight is 20/20.

SN: I've been flossing my teeth for the past 4 months, most of the time every other night, but sometimes every night so that my dentist will complement me on my teeth tomorrow morning at my dental appointment. I'm such a good little dog. When the dentist looks at your teeth and says, "well, I don't even have to do anything here!" you are proud but worried that your dentist is lazy.

SN: Last comic standing is hilarious. They are on their 4th season now and I wonder what happened to 4 years of my life. I watched TV for 24 minutes tonight including commercials. Perfect.

SN: Good advice given to Nick:

to dread tomorrow

is to waste today

SN: Did the color of my font change! FUCK! *too lazy to change it back*

SN: Yes, the moon IS setting. That's it, it's the end of the world.

SN: I wanted to end with something profound. But I think I really just ran out of SNs. My nipples are itchy though.

Being the "bigger" man

Just a real quick note before I hit the sack.

Tonight I did one of the biggest things I think I ever have done. At least for me. Or maybe is it one of the most mature...hmmm...I'm not sure. But things are slowly changing for me, making it easier and better for me to grasp life.

Just as an example, the other day I decided not to rush to work. Sure, I was late. I'm rarely late. Out of the 250 days, I would say I was late about 10 of them.

And by late, I mean 3 minutes. I mean, c'mon. Anyway, it's not worth my stress. If they're going to talk to me about being late less than 5% of the time, I'd love to hear it. But that's the thing I really think I'm slowly starting to grasp. I do adult things, but part of my mentality is still that of a selfish child. "GET OUT OF MY WAY! I'M LATE TO WORK!" Does anyone else on the road really give a fuck? No. They don't. And when I cut them off, I ruin their day too. When they give me the finger, they just further the stress that is so debilitating. This is the stuff that makes people break down. "Falling Down" I'd like to reference as a great movie. I always thought that something like that might happen to me. Hopefully not.

Anyway, let me share with you this story:

Tim is a balding white guy that stands about 6' and weighs 185 lbs. He looks to be in his late 20s. Every time I've seen him at the gym he's been playing basketball. The guy has a scowl that most people would be afraid of. He literally looks like he could kill you with his hands if he got the chance. I've played with him 3 times. Only once on his team. The one time I was on his team it was absolute hell. Yelling at everyone else to pick up their sorry asses. Telling them how weak they were. Telling them where to go, when to shoot and calling them idiots anytime they do anything he doesn't like. Not only does he verbally berate his own (now mind you, this is LA Fitness, this is the heart of Mill Creek. Big news in Mill Creek makes for a power outage or a T-bone at a local intersection, maybe the new opening of a sushi bar or pizza joint)...players, he also pushes the other team around, criticizes them...

Now most of you would hope that Tim was a bad player. He's not. He gives 110% every play. He scores 70% of his teams points. And yet, his teams still lose, and every time off to the sideline he goes, cursing up a storm, ignoring team mates and opponents wishing him a good game.

For about a total of 6 hours I've watched Tim play now. Before I continue, let me give you a little back story on me.

Unless I know you, I don't talk on the court. I don't talk smack, I explain my case any time there is a dispute. Tim is one of those guys that can get me to talk. He pulls out that passive aggressive side of me. He's the guy that's cutting in line and OOPS you stick your knee out and charlie horse him or OOPS you stick your foot out to trip him and push him from behind. He's the guy you're ready to throw down against. Up until today, I was waiting for that time bomb to explode. See Tim picks on people he knows either won't fight him, or he thinks he can beat in a fight. Typical bully mentality right?

Tim makes snide remarks under his breath to me. I apologize to him profusely, although 100% of the time I am being sarcastic (passive aggressive). We beat Tim for the first time tonight. It is an excellent game. We win 16 to 14. It is probably the hardest I have played basketball for 2 years. Tim is pissed. Tim is sitting, head down, not believing that he had lost once again. We beat the next team, and wouldn't you know it? Tim is back on the floor again. This time he's got more to say to his teammates and yeah, you guessed it, me too.

*FLASH*

The person that I typically am will try to push your buttons. Because there's nothing better than an angry loser right?

*FLASH*

Suddenly, I have the same realization as I had the last time I was late to work. Pissing off this guy even further is just escalating the situation. I'm out here with 8 other guys that want to have a good time. Encouraging him would just ruin what we were all there to do: Get in a good game, and get a good workout. I avoid and ignore him until the end of the game. We kill them this time as his team gives up from being yelled at so much by Tim.

Head down again, I walk up to Tim.

"Good game man."
"..."
"Hey, I said good game man."
"Yeah."
"My name's Seth"
"..."
*I stick out my hand to shake his*

"My name's Seth, what's your name man?"
"Tim."
"Tim, are you mad at me or something? Did I do something to you? Because the way you act out there towards me seems like you want to kill me."
"It's just that no one out there gives 100% effort. We would win those games if everyone tried harder"
"I know man. I know. It's tough to lose, but a lot of people are like me. They don't really care. Nothing is on the line, it's not the pros or even college. Most of us just want a good workout"
"..."
"So if you could, you know...don't act like you're going to kill me everytime I go out there. I'm just here to have fun"
"Alright man"
"Alright? It's nice to meet you Tim."
"Yeah"

And that was it. It may seem ridiculous to you, but I've NEVER done that in my entire life. Just confronted someone I was having a problem with and straight up had an adult conversation with them...that being outside of a business or friendly setting. I mean, that's like me getting cut off in traffic, getting out of my car and just discussing the situation with the driver. No emotions, no yelling, no punching. I honestly thought shit like that would never work. But it did.

I know that next week when I'm back there, Tim will be there. I'm going to shake Tim's hand, make sure he's doing alright the first thing when I see him. Because the kid's got a damn stick up his ass or maybe he works a real stressful job...and he reminded me a lot of someone...me. The person I don't want to be anymore.

I can feel my mentality changing on things and it is amazing. I get one life to live, and trying my best to stay positive and happy is the best thing for me everyday. I know that sounds cheesy, but I honestly have a hard time staying positive as I would say I'm in a bad mood or pessimistic about life 60% of the time. And it's hard living like that. Everyday feels like 3 days. And I'm getting tired of it.

So this will provide as a reminder to myself. That I can be the bigger man...in most...maybe in all situations.

Finally It Is Friday

“Fading faster and faster until it was goneFound out I was losing so much more than I knew all alongBecause everything I've been working forWas only worth nickels and dimesBut if I had a minute for every hour that I've wastedI'd be rich in time, I'd be doing fine”

-Jack Johnson

I heard this song this morning on the way to work. This kind of stuff always bothers me. Because I know it’s true. All these signs I keep seeing keep pointing to “Consume Less, Live more”. I’m so confused. Are the guys that make ridiculous amounts of money and drive their Porsches to their million dollar homes…are they really that unhappy? I don’t understand. I mean that’s the point that I want to get to right? Work hard and save and give up happiness now for greater happiness later?

I really want a motorcycle. I want to learn how to ride very well, get my license, take classes, the whole 9. Wanting this so badly…has it caused me more pain than if I had never wanted it in the first place? Is working for material things you want pointless? Because if you had not wanted in the first place, you wouldn’t have had to work, and would’ve had more time to live instead of just working?

I was talking to my manager about retirement the other day because we had a 1 on 1 question time regarding how the 401k here will work. I told him my plans of early retirement. His father at 67 years old is still working. He could retire at any time. But he doesn’t want to. The only reason why he doesn’t want to, is because he enjoys having a schedule. He enjoys having something to do. I think once people are done raising children, they kind of run out of tasks…and when your #1 is suddenly self sufficient, what are you going to do to fill your time?

I feel so bad for Michelle’s parents. The whole “empty nest” syndrome really hit them hard. My parents feel partially the same way, however my sister is still at home with her boyfriend who frequently sleeps over. So it’s like I never left anyway, have two kids in the house. I can tell since I moved out that my dad misses me. He invites me over for dinner every Sunday night, and half of the time I have to decline. I am really afraid of how I will react when they finally pass on. Some people really don’t have that great of a relationship with their parents. I tell this to all of my friends and they agree that my parents are really cool.

Today is very slow. These are the kind of Fridays that I enjoy. Just nothing to do. Paid for sitting, or standing. Paid to eat my oreo cookies.

I have enough money for Vegas. Ideally I’d like to bring $5K. But that is a little overblown. I’ll be able to bring $3K, and still have a little bit of money in my bank leftover. Michelle likes to gamble with my money. She’d never put up any money to play. No. That’s just be against her. But when she loses my money, it’s not that big of a deal to her. *sigh*

Speaking of losing money…my Roth IRA, that was doing so well, up 10% over the past 2 months, is now minus 4%. This is one of my biggest fears. That the money I am putting away for my retirement will not only lose to inflation, but also lose it’s initial investment value. Now, there’s been a huge sell off in the past week, so I’m not worried about it. It’s just the market tanking due to rising gas prices along with slowing home sales due to the rising interest rate with the Fed trying their best to fight inflation.

Enough about money.

Tonight we’re going out for one of my best friend’s birthday party. I always forget when birthdays are. In fact, the only ones I remember are my sister’s, Michelle’s and sometimes a few other people. But I couldn’t name many off the top of my head. I am a horrible friend like that. Tonight I am getting him an awesome birthday present. After being fucked over by the referees in both the Superbowl and the sweet 16, I’m getting him a blow up doll and putting a referee jersey on it. That way, he can literally fuck up the refs. I just called around to get pricing, and it’s going to be about $75 to put it all together. Crap.

I am really praying that our dog gets better. We’ve had her for over a week. She’s gotten really good at peeing on the puppy pads, or going outside. But, she’s had a problem sleeping through the night and also likes to bite our furniture. I really don’t think Michelle realized how big of a responsibility having a dog was. I definitely was not ready, and it caused a lot of heartache having her for the past week. I am learning to deal, and I know it can only get better from here on out. The dog is 2 months old, so I need to learn to give it some leeway to make “mistakes”. Michelle is paying for obedience training so hopefully that helps.

Other than that, not too much else going on here.

I need new clothes to go out in. I need somewhere between business casual and casual. Because that’s what party attire is…so confusing.

Finally it is Friday. I am excited.

Mind Fuck

Today my manager informed us that he would be transitioning to another department. Mainly, he’s leaving our group because he’s no longer needed. I always thought what he did was never really needed, that we could probably use his skills elsewhere. A lot of times, I thought that we were a self run operation, and we never needed him here other than random team meetings he ran or updates on what our program would be taking on in the near future. Red flags went off in my brain, because 3 months ago he said to us, “You don’t see me leaving do you? When you see me leaving this department that’s when you’ve got to start worrying”. And here I am, 3 months later, worrying. I’ve applied for jobs, I have. For some reason I just can’t get an email or a call back. No one wants to hire someone that’s already in a company I guess? I have no idea. Maybe I haven’t been pursuing it as aggressively as I should’ve been. Here’s the weird thing though: They’ve told me I’m going to have a job until at least 2008. And more than likely I will have a job even past then. But now I am not sure of our direction. There is no one to head and represent this department when IT and Service heads come together and talk about the future of me and the rest of our department.

To say the least, I am worried.

But, let’s get to the real point of this post. The forest for the trees. This isn’t happening just to me. This isn’t just happening to half of our IT department. This isn’t just happening to my manager. It’s happening at gigantic corporations around the US and around the world. Jobs are consistently being cut, and a drive towards better, faster, and for less money is the mantra of so many people in the US. Who cares if me, let alone employee X, Y, Z, and A – 200 million other middle class workers such as myself. Where will I go with this post? I’m not really sure. But there are a few points I want to make before it’s over.

First and foremost, although a lot of people have talked about it, and I’m no economic genius or anything but I’d like to include it here: The dissolution of the middle class. Where has the middle class gone? Out sourced, no longer needed, or included in the job functions of the upper and lower classes bearing the mantra “Better, Faster, Cheaper”. Ah, the almighty dollar. The chairmen, sitting there in their lavish million dollar homes and condos, driving 6 different luxury vehicles, if they ever do drive, and setting up trust funds for their children and all the children they may be having in the near future. The board says yay or nay, the stock goes up people are happy, the stock goes down, another few hundred houses foreclosed and bankruptcy filed.

But these corporate heads could really care less right? They’re making hundreds of thousands of dollars, if not millions, and would taking a cut from their salary of even $250K be worth saving another 10 jobs for their company? No, not really. Remember, “Better, Faster, Cheaper”. And the problem with jobs in America? There’s not enough of them to go around with a consistent unemployment rate that never goes away. And as long as there isn’t jobs out there for everyone, employers can not only offer the lowest wage to people seeking employment, they can go outside of the US and look for even more desperate people who would so happy to work for even one tenth of that amount. All to drive that bottom line. And who reaps the benefits of that bottom line? The higher, higher, higher ups. Thus the dissolution of the middle class, and even part of the lower class. The supposed working heart of the United States will cease to beat in what I’m predicting the next 20 to 30 years.

You might be asking, “Well, how’s that going to happen though?”. I know this: The cheapest and fastest and most mistake-free way to do almost anything in the business world is to automate the process. Take it as you will. Automation means less human jobs, means more jobs for our computers to take on for us, maybe even the full realization of artificial intelligence and robots walking and interacting among humans?

What comes at that point? Here is my pillar of capitalism: How much can I screw the other guy out of money? Isn’t that the harsh way we all say the other word you might know, “Profit”? What happens when human minds and human hands no longer do the work? You can’t pay computers. What would they want? What would they buy with the money we paid them? To me, it is obvious that they wouldn’t succumb to the same weak desires of humans, therefore what need do they have for extra money, if at all any money?

But before we get to this point, as the business world evolves the further it automates, the less human work it needs, the less jobs will be available…suddenly everyone but those at the top are in survival mode. “Let’s see. My wife and I don’t have a job or a place to live. My children haven’t eaten in 3 days. But there goes Mr. Hotshot Highup Corporate Employee, surely taking his yacht out again on the water”. Revolution. People will not wait around while their lives waste away. They will do anything to survive. It is one of the most basic human instincts, and that is to persevere. And of course I’m not saying this will happen tomorrow. But it is happening. And it is happening very slowly. I honestly believe that although many historians will point back to the industrial revolution as one of the most amazing advancements of the human race I’m starting to think that’s where the decline began. And what happens to a species that is no longer evolving but decaying? Extinction. Those that can’t adapt will perish.

My assistant manager overheard a coworker and me discussing this whole situation and said this, “All I know is that I just want to put my blinders on and not care. I come to work Monday through Friday, I take my paycheck at the end of the week and that’s the best I can ask for. Wake me up when that changes”. That’s all great and good, but that’s exactly the attitude of those that will not adapt, that of complacency.
This is not my doomsday message. This is my outlook of the business world within my lifetime, if I live that long. A lot of it is very grey and vague, but that’s because I’m not sure. I’m not sure what happens when trillions of dollars are worth nothing, I’m not sure if the whole system of capitalism will be flipped on it’s head. I’m not sure if we’ll all die at the hands of nuclear weaponry in the next 5 years. Hell, I’m not even sure where I’ll be or what job I’ll be working in the next two months. I know it all seems a little far fetched and overblown, but it’s slowly happening all around us. The best I can do is speculate and keep the blinders off for now.