Being Useful

Yesterday afternoon while relaxing after work, I was flipping through channels. Usually I’ll flip through the first large networks to see what they’ve got on…ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX. I stopped at NBC because Oprah had a guest I was interested in. Someone I was interested in listening to and getting a little background on: Barack Obama. Hopefully, in my eyes now, the next US president. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barack_Obama

He’s well spoken and a great writer. He’s handsome. He’s half black. He’s well educated and is optimistic about our future. Other than Denzel Washington or Oprah herself, I’m not sure how we could get a better person to lead this nation. I’m not registered to vote, so I know that some of you may point at me and say, “You have no right to say anything on this subject because you didn’t contribute to the entire election process”. And all I have to say to that is a few things. First of all, in the past, I didn’t care. My vote wouldn’t have made the difference between Bush and Gore or Clinton and Dole. I wanted Clinton (right about the time I started to realize how much a president affects this country), and he won. I wanted Gore, but in my opinion, the guy lost the election for himself.

And the only law that I felt strongly for? Was the indoor smoking ban we passed here in Washington roughly a year ago. And it passed by a large margin. Really, would me having taken a few hours of my time during election season have changed any of these things? No. It wouldn’t have. And the smoking ban was all I cared for. Now obviously this is a problem. Not only do I feel this way, but I am sure there are millions of other Americans that feel the same way. How can we call our government a “democracy” when over half of it’s constituents don’t even participate?

And this is the problem. Just like the corporate world, employees of large corporations (at least here in my company) have completely lost the sense of ownership, or pride over what their company, or their country in this instance, stands for. The gap between someone like myself and our CEO is so large that there’s no way I could relate, or even possibly have a normal conversation with her unless I somehow was able to schedule one. But even then…what would we talk about? That emotional disconnect, the apathy…that’s what is occurring in this country. And it’s been happening for years now. People just don’t care anymore. And in turn, it creates selfish, fearful creatures who won’t even wave to their neighbors in fear of offending them or getting shot. Does that sound like a place you want to live in?

I really hope that Obama makes the run for the presidency. He’s leading most democratic polls for who the presidential candidate should be, barely inking out Senator McCain. (Thanks CNN for your lovely graph). But after only watching 1 hour (42 minutes sans commercials) of him and his wife with Oprah, the emotional attachment was there again. Here’s a guy I think a lot of Americans who are tired of the cynicism can latch on to and hopefully swing their thoughts more towards hope and a brighter future.

The most interesting part of the interview (other than the laughs and awesome family anecdotes) was when Oprah asked Obama what he thought was the most important question for Americans to ask of themselves. And he responded with something like this: Are you being useful? Are you contributing to your community instead of just thinking of yourself? And he continued on saying how much better this country would be if everyone would step up and consider more than just “what’s best for me?”

And although I’m not a fan of new year’s resolutions, I wanted to try to implement this question in the coming year, and hopefully for the rest of my life. This was part of the reason for this blog. It was for personal growth and reflection, even though at times it may have just been my outlet to vent or share certain events in my life. It is giving me the ability to challenge my own thoughts/ways of life on paper to help me make a more concerted effort to evolve in to a person I love and respect (not that I don’t already, I’m just continually on the look out to better myself in any way).

So Senator Obama – If you do end up being a presidential candidate, you’ve finally driven me (after 6 years of having the ability to) to register and vote. And in the near future hopefully I won’t be forgetting your question.

Am I being useful?

Cynicism – Office Style

One of my favorite shows right now is “The Office”. The main reason is because it reminds me of where I work. And it basically makes most of my darkest thoughts while I’m in my office come true. The show lives on a constant barrage of racial slurs, “un-pc” terms and actions, and the fake enthusiasm that abounds from the higher ups but always seems to fall on deaf ears when it gets to those on the ground level of the company.

And everyone has their own reaction to how things occur in “The Office” and also in my office. There are the people that just aren’t there. The people who do their jobs, and just shrug off everything else. They are neither excited nor offended by anything that occurs in the office. On the complete opposite side of the spectrum, you have people that are the brown noses. Those that suck up to their direct manager hoping that their good office “relationship” will in fact get them somewhere in the near future. They try their best to always show themselves in the best light. Mindless drones that follow commands like my dog does for treats.

Then, there’s the group I put myself in. The cynics. The people that sarcastically laugh in the face of both of these groups (more of the 2nd type though). I take my job as it is. I do not exert more effort than is required. My job does not define who I am and my job is not my life. Now if my job was actually interesting, or if I had some sort of larger responsibility to this company (read: power, more specifically the power to change things) then just possibly the job might mean more to me. But until that point, I’m just going to cross my arms and laugh.

Let me give you an example of something I sat through today:

http://www.the212movie.com/

We were sent to an hour long meeting, half of which was pointlessly wasted on this. My hope is that many of you find this hilarious. Because really, it belongs in some sort of comedy skit. And the reason why it is funny to me? I can just imagine the guy working on this animation. Having an entire script he’s got to include on it. Making sure he’s using photos that aren’t copy written…all that hard work just so that I could give an over emotional clap at the end of it. 212 degrees. You know what else water does at 212 degrees? It burns your freaking hand. Why didn’t they show the guy in the ER with the burn blisters on his hand from spilling boiling water on himself while trying to make a bowl of chicken noodle soup? Why did they go the route of the locomotive?

I’ll tell you why: Because they’re trying to motivate us. YOU. They’re yelling at YOU. NOW is the time. YOU must take control of your destiny. I MUST HOLD IN MY LAUGHTER UNTIL THIS VIDEO IS OVER. Luckily one of my coworkers busted up first…a fellow cynic. I just followed and then continued on with the *almost* standing ovation at the end of it. Seriously, it almost brought a tear to my eye. So vague. So generic. So riveting.

And me? The cynic? PFFFTTTT…I’ll be here the same time tomorrow. In fact, I was here right after that meeting. Did that video evoke any sort of emotion from me to do better in my job? Nope. I’m doing the same job I was before. Except now I have something to add to my blog. And to continue on with the theme:

Near Thanksgiving a mass email was sent (they are all always getting sent to me about “Spirit!” and things like, “Having a Positive Attitude!”) only saying one thing. Names have been removed to protect the innocent. I am such a blatant cynic that I confront those from other groups and laugh at my conniving ways. The first email sent starts at the top:

Sent: Tuesday, November 21, 2006 1:57 PM
To:
Subject: *** 516 ***

The number 516.
You'll find out tomorrow what is special about this number!

From: Q, SETH
Sent: Tuesday, November 21, 2006 1:59 PM
To:
Subject: RE: *** 516 ***

I just heard from my doctor that I’ve only got until midnight tonight to live

Can you please tell me what this means today?

From:
Sent: Tuesday, November 21, 2006 3:05 PM
To: Q, SETH
Subject: RE: *** 516 ***


Oh my, don't kid about things like that.
If you won't be here tomorrow, I would be willing to reveal to you in email…
but only if you wont be here tomorrow!!

This is the kind of stuff I deal with on almost a daily basis. I’m glad my office can provide such great entertainment for me. And of course, I understand the root cause of all this cynicism…but that’s all too deep of stuff for me to be talking about for today. For now, just enjoy the stuff I’m sure most of us have to sit through each day…and hopefully you can laugh at it instead of hanging yourself…

Rando "Holiday" Thoughts

Since I haven’t had a post in a while, I figured I’d write one. I’d like to get out 4-6 of them before this month is over, since I only wrote 2 (2 right?) last month.

And since I haven’t had a random thoughts post in a while, I’d figure I’d go that route.

Every morning that I work, I set my phone alarm for some time between 5:30 and 5:55 am. In my phone, you can name different alarms. One says, “Vegas!”. Others say, “Lose 10 pounds bitch!” or “Time’s up”. The one I use every morning says, “Grateful”. I am in constant flux with myself, always trying to change my thoughts – adjust my attitude. I’m not sure if it’s working. And I’m not sure if even trying like these little notes to myself every morning that my alarm goes off is worth it. The unfortunate thing is, I don’t feel like changing my alarm to, “The Same”. Because I want to be grateful for today. I want to live my life like I am lucky to have today. But wanting and doing are always different things.

In the Boeing employee basketball league, we went in to our first playoff game as huge underdogs, having lost twice during the season to the team we were to face in the first round. Expecting to lose, I was surprised to see us winning with less than 2 minutes left to go. The whole thing felt very surreal. Even after we went down by a point with a minute and 30 left I knew it was over…but we hit shots like we were supposed to. We played with heart that wasn’t there during the season…and we pulled out the victory. Both sides were shocked. It was the best I’ve felt in a long time. Tonight is our next playoff game. This time an even larger underdog than before. This time I am truly expecting to lose. And just like last time, hopefully I won’t be able to sleep tonight from how well we played.

It is hard to run in the pouring down rain. Having very short hair and shoes that are not waterproof doesn’t make for a very good experience. Rain is always getting in my eyes, and my socks are soaked by the time I get home. I set a goal of losing some weight and getting more cut this year as my new year’s resolution. I’ve got 20 days left to do it. It’s not going to happen, but I’ll make a semi-effort which will obviously not be good enough, but at least I tried.

As a gift to us from Safeco, everyone where I work has had the ability to wear jeans since Thanksgiving until the end of the year. Because of this, I’ve had some problems as far as clothing goes. I have more business casual wear than I do jeans wear. The reason being is because the jeans wear is the “in between” section that I’ve no longer been attending to. All I have now is business casual and sweats. Neither of which would be fitting during the “jeans” month. My life is obviously a lot harder than anyone else’s. *sarcastic*

The condo (except for 2 things) is done. It’s taken us 10 days longer than we wanted, but after yesterday, we don’t have to go down there anymore. Or at least we don’t have to go down there every afternoon after work now. It was fun for about 2 weeks. Then after that it got tiring. I’ll share some photos on here once I get the time (or get home).

Since we don’t have to go to the condo anymore. I’m excited to get back to the gym. Even twice a week will be nice. I’m involved in a bet right now where I have to lose a greater percentage of my weight. I figure that working out hard 30 minutes every day and making a concerted effort to eat less and healthier instead of working out every other day for 40 minutes where I don’t try that hard, and eating as much as I want to…*breathe – run on sentence*

During a discussion this weekend with a coworker I heard that after a 2 year radiology program, most come out averaging over $60K a year. In this instance, the person coming out of school was earning $90K a year. I am obviously in the wrong profession. But then I wouldn’t get to write awesome blog posts like this while working (/inflated sense of self-worth).

The only thing about Christmas that I’m excited about is arisaldo (sp). It’s a chicken-rice soup that my mom cooks after we go to church on Christmas Eve. It’s a tradition. That and baking rolls in those Pillsbury cans. Other than that, I didn’t help out with the tree. I haven’t purchased any gifts yet. I change the channel when a Christmas song that I don’t like (about 80% of them) comes on. I guess you can say it all started when 106.9 started playing Christmas music even before Thanksgiving. Since that point, this “season” hasn’t been the same. I hope I can get in the Christmas mood in the next week or so. Otherwise, it’ll pass me by and I’ll be miserable until summer…

Sad to say, there really isn’t anything else floating around in my head right now. Usually there is. But for now, I suppose I’ll save those for later.

War of Terror

This is my favorite song right now. It is a song by John Mayer entitled “Belief”.

I’ll just include the lyrics since they speak for themselves.

Is there anyone who

Ever remembers

changing their mind from

The paint on a sign?

Is there anyone who

really recalls

Ever breaking rank at all

For something someone yelled real loud one time

Everyone believes

In how they think it ought to be

Everyone believes

And they're not going easily

Belief is a beautiful armor

But makes for the heaviest sword

Like punching under water

You never can hit who you're trying for

Some need the exhibition

And some have to know they tried

It's the chemical weapon

For the war that's raging on inside

Everyone believes

From emptiness to everything

Everyone believes

And no ones going quietly

We're never gonna win the world

We're never gonna stop the war

We're never gonna beat this

If belief is what we're fighting for

What puts a hundred thousand children in the sand

Belief can Belief can

What puts the folded flag inside his mother's hand

Belief can Belief can

Just reading the words alone, it is pretty blatant what John is getting at. However, this song changed my thoughts on the war, amazingly enough. I’ve been completely against the war in Iraq since the beginning. I pointed out to Michelle how it was completely pointless to go after Hussein when Osama was the one who orchestrated 9/11. (Or so I believe). The whole time I was saying, “We’re going after the wrong guy!” And Michelle can definitely remember the argument we had about it.

But our nation’s leaders said, “WMDs! WMDs!” And once again the American public was duped. But I don’t even know how many people were actually duped. How many of them were like me and just shrugged it off and said, “Bush is finding a way to justify this vendetta”. Funny how we didn’t have a “war” with Clinton in office (against Iraq), and yet Bush finds a way to push another one on us...

Which brings me back to this song. Everyone has their own thoughts on it. There are some of us who try to change other’s thoughts on it but it’s not going to work. We think like we do for a reason. And what makes sense to us necessarily isn’t going to make sense to another person. And yet trying to force the “other side” to think likewise is what is causing this horrible struggle…or the apathetic nature of some of us (me included). The thought is: Why try? What’s the point? Why discuss/debate with anyone else when nothing will change? There’s so much (obviously) that I’d like to say about the situation over there…but it’s pointless. What I say is not worth anything.

Do you ever remember when someone surrendered with their life on the line? This is a line in the song that is sung in the background. It wasn’t included in the lyrics attached to this post but it is the truest line in the song. Imagine if a foreign army invaded our country and tried to take our President to trial? We wouldn’t give up an inch. Every single one of us would fight back for what was ours. Why do we think that mentality changes when we apply it to other countries? So many dead for nothing…

We're never gonna win the world

We're never gonna stop the war

Inflated Sense of Self

Something I’ve been struggling with lately. Self worth. I like to think that I am worth something. Anything. I also enjoy thoughts of “deserving” things. My logic on it is that actions A, B, C correlate to rewards of D, E, and F. And by already taking those actions (for example doing well in school to get in to a good college and take a specific major that was in demand) would get a quality job which would in turn pay for the rest of my life. And so, over the past week or so, I sat here, waiting to apply for a higher up position, that I definitely felt “qualified” for and in a sense also “deserved”.

Heck, the pay was better, the hours were better, the commute was the same (which is perfect), and the job itself was more challenging. To describe it best, I am the tree currently. If I got this job, I’d be working with the forest. But after a stern “no” from a phone interview with an HR person who didn’t even know what the job was, my life/emotions caved in on itself. So much optimism. So much excitement. Such a feeling of, “Great, I deserve this…I’m moving up…I’ll be making more…every step I take up this ‘ladder’ is going to bring me that much closer to my ultimate goal of retiring early”.

But now I sit, 2 days after the phone interview, scratching my head and knowing exactly what went wrong. I didn’t have the previous experience in the position. That’s what they were looking for. Someone with previous experience. I can’t blame myself for this. In that department, this was a “2nd tier” position out of 3 tiers. What I was told is that someone like me who was outside of the department should maybe consider starting in the 1st tier instead of jumping straight in. What I was told was obviously right. But at the time, and still till today, it stings. But the only reason it does sting, is because I was so hyped up on taking this position. Everyone in the department told me I’d be a good fit. Heck, even my manager did.

Maybe this is the backlash from not getting something I desire? The only way my brain can handle itself is by punishing itself after things like this. I am definitely the type to beat up on myself after failure. With the declination through the interview process, I kept thinking to myself, “Why did I feel like I deserved that position? I did almost nothing to earn it, and yet I felt like it was supposed to be mine?” This is the inflated sense of self that I am referring to the aptly named title of this post. And I was thinking more of this last night.

What we project out to the rest of the world around us is the person that we want everyone to think we are. Yet, how many of us are faking it? And I know this has been over so many times with other writers…through songs…through movies…but what we do and what we own should not define us. But on Monday, I was falling in to that trap. “Wow, if I get this job I’m a step down from becoming a DBA…that’s what I’ve wanted to do since I learned about it in college…2 years out of college and I’m already on my way to doing what I really want to do”. And I’d define myself like that.

“Hi my name’s Seth”
“Nice to meet you Seth, name’s Charlie”
“Same to you Charlie”
“So Seth, what do you do for a living?”
“I’m actually a DBA for a large Insurance Company”

And that would be it. And the rest would speak for itself by the clothes I wore. The car I drove to the house that I lived in with the large TV that I watched. I would never have to say anything because I can just let those things define the person I am. The tastes I have. And here is where my conflict has come up. I don’t want to let any of this define me. I want to decide what defines me. I don’t want to lose the person I am to these things…to my job. And I don’t want to act the same way towards other people. Here is an example of my coworker, my assistant manager, and I jokingly (but halfheartedly serious) doing this yesterday, and it just irks me a bit now that I look back at it.

Coworker: You know that shoe store next to the Best Buy in Lynnwood?
Me: Yeah, ummm…Famous Footwear?
CW: Yeah, that’s the one.
Me: What about it?
CW: Oh, I was just planning on heading there to buy some boots and maybe some heels tonight.
Me: Sounds like a good plan.
Assistant Manager: You’re going to go to Famous Footwear to buy shoes? *incredulous*
Me: *laughs*
CW: Yeah, what about it?
AM: Well, usually they sell cheap, name brand shoes there for about $50 or less.
Me: Yeah, why don’t you spend like $120-$150 on shoes like AM and I do?
CW: Well, I just wanted some cheap boots to wear in this horrible rain.
AM: I’d recommend spending $175 on a high quality pair that will do really well in the rain.
CW: Usually I buy my shoes at target and within a year they’re falling apart.
Me: Of course, that’s the difference between a 3 year old in China making them, and a 5 year old in Thailand. That’s what 2 more years of shoe making experience will do for you.
AM: *laughs* If you come in tomorrow with your famous footwear boots, I will laugh at your lowly peasant shoes.
CW: *laughs* I can’t wait to come in tomorrow after I get my lowly peasant boots.

See? This is the kind of crap that I am talking about. Although we were joking about it here, deep down there is an ingrained mentality that the clothes you wear represent the type of person you are. Sometimes I wonder why I feel like “dressing up” when I go out. Then I think of all the years of my parents telling me not to look like a bum and realize it’s more of a habit…that judgmental side in all of us that’s been passed down…

Ummm, yeah, I had a lot of points I wanted to make…but since it’s so early in the morning, I’m not sure if I touched on any of them. To say the least at this point, I am a bit conflicted with some of my thoughts. Hopefully some of this made sense…

Halloween 06

Halloween is here.

Here is a picture of my awesome pumpkin. I make pumpkins that 5 year olds can make.

Because my artistic skills got left behind at about kindergarten...



And we are now the proud owners of a rental property.

Wow. We've got a lot of work ahead of us.



Everything needs replacing except for the walls. Well even some walls need replacing so scratch that. Basically everything but the kitchen sink has been there since I believe before I was born. Ironic isn't it? It's going to be a very interesting November.

And unfortunately, just like September and basically all of October, expect less posts...due to a busy time in my life. Investment property...wow...somehow I feel like I'm doing a very good thing with my money...and while giving my sister a place to live! Her very own condo...

Did I talk about the death of Online poker? Maybe you've read about it. Anyway, Party Poker died for me on the 13th of October. My favorite President of ALL TIME signed a bill that basically cut one of my "leisure time" activities out. Now I have to play at a casino with people I don't like. Seeing 100 less hands per hour. Playing in tournaments with 3 to 5 thousand less people for the same buy in. Having to pay ATM withdrawal fees.

And since I'm the addictive personality when it comes to gambling...I found an old passion of mine...something I dabbled in back in my, "I'm good at blackjack and craps" days. Sports betting. No more poker online? Ok...then sports betting. Christ. Just this past weekend, I had close to $100 spread out over 12 different NFL games, 14 different college games, and even the freaking World Series...and now the NBA starts tomorrow night? Oh my achin' back...thank God I've got other hobbies...otherwise I'd be stuck in front of this monitor betting that Dwayne wade would score more than 7 points in the 3rd quarter on the road against the Nets since Richardson had switched off of him...tuned so intently in to TNT...or ESPN...or whoever the fuck is showing it live...

And that's another thing. Poker used to take a lot of time from me. When I was doing well with it (not as a profession) I was playing 2-4 hours a night. Now I've replaced that with screaming at the TV for letting me miss a Fifteen Grand parlay off of five bucks when New Orleans gets destroyed and Philly can't score a freaking touchdown to save their lives. For that Donovan, you don't get to go to the playoffs.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure I've stayed up long enough for that brownie to not give me nightmares. Hopefully I can get some picture updates (or at least words since obviously I'm now picture happy) on the condo while we work on it. Total time spent working so far: 3 hours. (not including travel time of course)

It's been a long time

“We shouldn’t’ve left you, left you without a dope beat to step to”.

Not really.

For some it might have been an eternity. For others, maybe I just skipped a month? Writing in here suddenly became so hard to me. I wanted to write about things that were awesome, exciting…interesting. But I had nothing really to say. And every time I wanted to rant about something, or express my joy towards something…I just never found the time to put it in writing.

So here it is. Here is some of it. Here is the best I can do with my keyboard and my mind trying to translate what I am saying in to words.

Joy is having the best wedding of the summer. Joy is surpassing some of the best weddings you’ve ever been to but being better in the ways you wanted it to be. Joy is taking weeks off of work to travel the coast. See things I’ve heard about or seen a million times on TV but never taken the chance to see them in person. It is like the Golden Gate bridge. I have seen it so many times on TV…in movies…but until I came around that corner and saw it…until I drove over it…that was an experience I won’t forget. Joy is very hard for me to express. And I had this same frustration with music. As I’m sure most other artists have had. The medium that restrains me may have prevented me from sharing anything…everything…because words were too little. To write it out would be great to read years from now on, but even still it can’t really capture the whole of it.

I ran in to the same thing back when I was composing music for the piano. Yes, I wrote music up until about my sophomore year of high school. I became delusional with it after I wanted to make something that broke through, only to realize that every note ever played has already been played. More than likely, every chord progression has been progressed through. What is original is not and is actually just a transposition of previous compositions. People compare. They make similes. They’ve seen or heard things before. They label. How does one say a professional basketball player is like two previous basketball players mixed in one? How do people apply this notion to music? And to writing?

It must be truly frustrating for artists who try to be completely original. This is my work. This was created with my own hands. And although I do have my influences, those created who I am. Yes, these words have been used before. And of course I have read and heard them at every turn. But it is the medium in which I must communicate and therefore it is the best I can do. It’s almost a feeling of being imprisoned by knowledge…

Really though. What am I saying. I’m just getting lost in my own late night drabble.

To get on to things less serious…Online poker as we know it will now be gone in the next few weeks, months…gone. On October 13th, 2006 a bill was signed that made it illegal for any US resident to place an online wager…at least in the state of Washington. And lucky me, I live in Washington. Since before the wedding I hadn’t really been playing much as I had played a TON on the bachelor party and really if I can get a good weekend session once a month I’ll be held over just fine. But now, almost 2 months later, I sat here and looked at a blank Google screen wondering what the fuck I was going to do with myself. I traded shifts with a coworker for one day. Which means that I get to wake up 3 hours later than normal.

Lucky me. That also means if I would like I can stay up 3 hours later than normal. So that’s what I’m doing. Normally, I would’ve been asleep at the latest 30 minutes ago. I definitely feel tired enough to do so…but how many chances will I get like this of staying up and being able to wake up late? Regardless tomorrow will suck. And the day after that will be about the same. Along with every day there after. Sometimes I really wonder how people carry on. Even the most stressful jobs have their monotony…their “grind”. And I don’t understand why I’m feeling like this. I mean, I do, but I don’t really want to fight it. It just seems like a lot of the corporate culture I’ve experienced is that you’re there for the paycheck. You’re not there to change the world. Use the money you make to make yourself “happy” outside of work because obviously for the 8 hours your there, you’re just shuffling…pushing paper.

To completely change the subject…because I’ve been doing that tonight obv…I wanted to share pictures. Pictures that meant the most from my honeymoon. And I won’t include captions. You can just look at them and think what you will of them. Make up your own caption for them…whatever…but shit I’ve got to resize them for that to work. And I want them to be below this post…so that means I’ll have to post them first. *sigh*

Anyway, that is my first post back from a somewhat confused and frustrated with blogs hiatus. I mean, in my journals I used to keep with pen and paper sometimes I would just doodle and write randomly throughout the page to keep my mind working…on this computer screen I’m really enclosed to just this line…and that’ll end it. Hopefully I’ll be back.

Honeymoon Pics 3

Honeymoon Pics 2

Honeymoon Pics 1

Honeymoon Pictures

FUCK

You know what I hate the most about myself sometimes? Is the fact that I hold myself (and others) to some pretty high standards regarding a few things.

Well, it is about time I made this post. I don’t think I’ve ever used the subject line of “FUCK” before. So here you go. In all it’s glory.

Today, while bored at work, I was looking over my previous bills, knowing that my Comcast bill was due soon. Looking over my previous payments I realized that “FUCK!” I missed out on a couple bills. So here I am, sitting now. Realizing that it is MY responsibility and no one else’s that these bills get paid on time.

I’ve worked out a pretty successful bill paying method. And because I’m OCD and bored out of my mind, I’ll write it out for you. Obviously if things don’t go this way, things get FUCKED.

1) Get bill in mail

2) Open bill

3) Be happy and/or sad and/or surprised regarding bill

4) Bring bill upstairs

5) Pay bill using http://www.becu.org/ online bill payer (actually very nifty/helpful)

6) Write the word “PAID” in big BOLD graffiti marker pen writing. I do this because it feels good and I also know for sure that the bill is paid and I no longer have to worry about it.

7) Let the bill sit on the desk until it gets too cluttered and either Michelle puts it in our “important papers” folder, or is thrown away.

So guess what. Tonight I became a person I despise. And hating yourself is the worst feeling in the world. I don’t think I will be able to sleep tonight. Mainly it is for this reason: We got no interest financing on for both our TV and our other appliances. Sweet deal. Same as cash. Pay off the entire balance by X date and don’t pay a cent extra. Just like using your own money, but making monthly installments (how I look at it).

Anyway, I looked through a pile of mail that’s been sitting on the computer desk for at least 3 weeks now. What DO YOU KNOW!!! There’s 2 different bills there. And golly gee, they’re saying I’m past due! And they’re also saying I now owe late fees! Woohoo! I’m their favorite customer now! Before it was ME screwing them out of money…well, for you econ majors out there, TIME VALUE of money. They got it all back in fell swoop of the LATE fee. Or what I like to think of it as: The punishment for being an idiot.

Wow. Awesome. I’m a complete d-bag.

Let’s break it down as to how this issue occurred:

All steps from above, 1) through 4) were followed in all of their glory.

5) Somehow 5) became PUT BILL in important papers bin.

6) Is now sit in important papers bin until past due

7) Receive a late notice in mail that is never read as it is stacked in bunch of other mail

8) Sift through unread mail

9) Sinking feeling

10) Go to look in important papers bin

11) Realize that I did receive the bills, and somehow did not pay them, also realize that it is my RESPONSIBILITY TO PAY THEM

12) Get fucking pissed that it is my responsibility

13) Go to http://www.becu.org/ and pay double what is owed on the bills in an angry rage

14) Write FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK all over the bills, 2 out of 5 which are late and which also caused me a late fee, while the companies sit there and laugh because they made an extra $70 off of my stupidity.

15) Take a picture to remember the moment so it never happens AGAIN, and also for your viewing entertainment.

See how many more steps that is? It’s much easier if I adhere to my own standards and just pay fucking bills on time and look like a smart and good customer with it’s head on it’s shoulder, not the guy, who tomorrow will call both credit companies and ask for a one time refund based off the fact I have not had a late payment the past 7 months (wow what great history) but whatever, I’m going to beg. And yes, $70 is just enough money to get me to beg for a refund. Fuck $20 would’ve been.

Wow. It’s going to be tough to sleep tonight. It’s also going to be hard to not blame Michelle. My life sucks right now. Did you want a Vegas trip post? Too bad. We drank a lot and I spent a ridiculous amount of money. Anything else you need to know? Ok. One more post for this month. That’s all you get. It’ll probably be the cold feet post next time. Oh and if you couldn’t tell or I forgot to write, that’s a picture of 5 of the monthly bills I have…it says “FUCK” all over them.

Seriously. Fuck.

So "Frickin" Picky

The shoes I own I’ve now had for more than a year and a half. In fact, in 3 months I will have owned them for 2 years. They smell horribly, look like they’ve been run through mud a few times (which they have) the soles have little traction left and they just give my entire look (when I wear them) an overall “shabby/I don’t care what I look like” look. Which, I really don’t. But still. I need new tennis and/or running shoes. Sometimes I just want to be that guy that has clean white shoes. Because clean white shoes stand out. It’s like that brand new car. You can always tell when someone’s driving that brand new car because it’s got the temporary license number in the upper left hand corner of the back window, it is spotless, and the license plate advertises the place they purchased it from.

Plus it’s got that new car smell. And I wonder how many people buy those cars just for that new car smell. I have heard it is toxic. The pleasure derived from that smell though is worth it. New shoes have a smell to them too. At least Nike’s do.

Here is the problem, as I see it: 1) I need shoes that will last me a long time. The current pair I am wearing has done a fabulous job of staying together, and compared to other pairs of running shoes I owned, really doesn’t smell that bad after a year and a half. 2) I need shoes that not everyone else has. I hate it when I see another guy with my same shoes. In this regard, you can call me a woman. 3) I am picky overall when it comes to what I wear. Most things just don’t “fit me right” or are the “wrong color”. Other than shoes, I have a minimum wait time for clothes to be included in my “daily rotation”. I guess this is why shoes are so important to me. Is because the day I get them (in the mail since I order from Eastbay because no one but Nordstrom’s carries my size 14s, and their selection sucks when it comes to my size) is the day I put them on.

I always say to myself when I find a pair of shoes I really love, “I should have bought two pairs”. Why? Here I am now, stuck with old stinky, dingy shoes, wishing I had a new pair of the same shoes. But because of my pickiness, I haven’t seen a shoe that absolutely grabbed my attention like every pair or every piece of clothing I own (other than needed stuff like jeans/khakis/socks). So now, I am waiting. Waiting for someone to put out a shoe (preferably with some white in it for that clean look) that looks good to me.

I just ordered a pair of white pumas, but of course they were backordered, only to be cancelled on me. Lovely. Every single one of my groomsmen gets a pair and I don’t get one.

And sometimes, this kind of stuff just sickens me. Because 80% of the rest of the world would just be happy owning more clothes. Or new clothes for that matter. But because I work, because I earn money, that gives me the opportunity of choice. Suddenly if I’ve got the ability to spend $200 online on a new pair of shoes, the entire world opens up to me. So many brands, so many styles…too many choices. Really, I don’t need new shoes. I just want them. For some reason there’s still that little kid in me, that believes that when I put on new shoes I can run faster and jump higher. I literally used to get home from the mall in my brand new Reebok pumps and run around the cul-de-sac feeling like suddenly I was 10-25% faster. I also used to, actually, scratch that, even to this day when I get home from being outside in my new shoes, I’ll grab a paper towel and wipe the shoes down. This will go on until about the 2-3 month mark.

I think one of the things I took from high school from one of my favorite teachers, Mr. Aetzel was that if you pay for quality, and maintain the product well, you’ll end up spending less than if you buy a crappy product but maintain it just the same. Quality will show over time.

Something I had completely forgotten about was my wedding band. I don’t know why this never crossed my mind. Michelle definitely mentioned to me that we had to go shopping for mine. And I found the one I want. I really wanted a graphite colored one. Nothing very bright at all. Of course the one I want is $1500. And it is “the one”. Unfortunately Michelle and I are too cheap to get it. So, she brought home alternate ones for me to try on. They look similar, but they just are not “the one”. I don’t know if anyone feels this way about things too. But I have to absolutely love something to buy it. It has to be perfect. This way, I rarely deal with buyer’s remorse. I guess part of what I don’t understand is how we can spend more than $10K on her ring and less than 20% of that price on mine.

Maybe this is so typical of how men and women are in the US. I think women have felt the need to be showered with material gifts to feel loved whereas men, not really. Sometimes I wonder if men even really need to feel loved at all. Honestly, I would opt out of the wedding ring if I wasn’t told I had to wear one. My dad doesn’t wear one. I’m just not a big fan of accessories at all. Never wore a watch. Never will get my ears pierced, or anything else for that matter. And a ring on my finger? Eh, ok. If I’m going to wear something for the rest of my life, at least get me something that I wouldn’t mind seeing on there.

6 days until we leave for the bachelor party. 23 days until the wedding. Should I be scared that I’m not scared? Hmmm…

PSA RE: Traffic

This is a Public Service Announcement to all bad drivers in Washington state (note: I understand that a lot of drivers here are transplants from: California. Arizona. New York. Texas. India. China. Japan. And a multitude of other areas/places. This is what makes this area so great/diverse but at the same time, overcrowded.) as if any of a majority of this area would read this post anyway. But maybe if people find it interesting and/or agree with it they could pass it along to their fellow Seattleites.

When driving on the freeway in normal traffic I have seen a rash of drivers wanting to cause slow downs and back ups. Do you like traffic? Do you like getting bad mileage on your car and not treating your engine well? Do you like sitting in the heat and smelling all the fumes of cars around you? If you do, then by all means please continue to do the following things. If not, please try reading through my check list and see if you do any of these things. Remember, if you start to feel defensive while reading, you could be guilty too. I’m hoping that all of us sharing a little common sense while driving will ease traffic issues…but probably not.

1) The left lane is the FAST lane. If you see someone passing you on the right, giving you the stare of death, or the finger, this means that you are going TOO SLOW for them. Yes. Some people are crazy and go 130 mph down the freeway. If you see them barreling towards you, and you are going 50 mph in the left lane, 10 mph slower than the speed limit, GET OUT OF THE WAY. Do not cause an accident by blocking them. Do not cause a back up by break checking them, thus causing them to lose control of their vehicle and create a 14 car pileup. We all have times when we are in a hurry. In fact, there are those out there, like myself that don’t like to waste time driving at all. Especially on the weekdays. So when you see me driving 85-90 in the left lane and flashing my brights at you it doesn’t mean I hate you. It doesn’t mean anything personal. This is my way of telling you that you are moving too slow and like the point says, the left lane is the fast lane. If you see a line of cars start to stack up behind you and you can’t figure out why? If you think that by going slower you’re keeping everyone else safe, this is incorrect. Those who are in a hurry will begin to tailgate…which brings me to...

2) Tailgating. Riding someone’s ass isn’t going to make them go any faster. Especially old people, and those who are completely oblivious to what’s going on around them/complete idiots trying to prove a point. By leaving less space between you and the car in front of you, you create issues for not only yourself but those in front, to the sides and behind you. Especially when tailing SUVs, trucks, or other cars where you can't in front them. Ever seen a blow out happen on the freeway before? I have. And luckily the person driving the van handled it masterfully. On top of that, they were driving in the middle lane and no one was tailing them. If a situation like this occurs, do you think you’ve left enough space in front of you to not rear end this person? From what I’ve seen in heavy traffic situations, probably not. Leave enough distance for you to stop if anything were to go wrong. And instead of tailing, why not figure out a way to pass them? There are alternatives to getting pissed off yourself, and possibly angering another driver.

3) Merging. This is the bane of my driving experience. This is what creates 70% of traffic. It is that bad. And lucky me, I now get off in time at 3 pm to see a few bad apples ruin it for the rest of us. A few things: When merging, get up to freeway speed and either get in front of someone, or get behind someone in the flow of traffic. It sounds simple enough, but the amount of times I see people fail at it time and time again…it is just ridiculous. I think the reason that people are so bad at it is because they lack guts. Balls. Aggression. It’s like that person that stops at yield signs no matter what. If your car can fit between two cars, take it. Hopefully the people you are merging in to aren’t assholes and let you in. Which is the secondary point to this. If you are driving on the freeway and see a large number of cars trying to merge in to the far right lane, and suddenly the right lane opens wide, there is a reason for this. The rest of us logical people are MOVING out of the way for the oncoming merging traffic. I don’t think there is anything worse while driving than seeing the asshole who grabs the opening in the right lane, speeds through it, only to cut off people who are merging…good job buddy, you saved yourself about a minute travel time. But back to those who have trouble merging. NEVER STOP. If you are merging in to moving traffic, you should never touch your brakes. Merging is an art form of keeping a safe distance with the people in front of you who are merging and the people next to you who are whizzing by on the freeway. If you don’t know how to do it properly, or are deathly afraid of merging, I’d recommend staying off of the freeways for everyone else’s sake.

4) One more quick note regarding freeway driving. If you weren’t aware, you have other options than the gas or the brake. I have noticed a lot of you other drivers out there only choosing one of these options: Gas or brake. Now, I’m not sure, do you think your car dies if you’re not using the gas? Have you ever heard of coasting before? You can let off the gas if you want to slow down a little bit. Just to give everyone the heads up…even touching your break causes a chain reaction. People see red lights and immediately they think they also have to slow down. When in fact, that person that is no longer touching their gas and has instead switch to “brake mode” is doing just that, not gassing, so braking. When in fact, they’ve got 10 car lengths in front of them, and even enough space to coast to a stop if need be. In fact, we should all be leaving enough room between us and the cars in front of us that if they do apply pressure to their brakes, we can coast for a little bit before deciding to brake ourselves. This will definitely help the flow of traffic.

5) The “free right”. I know. It’s counterintuitive. It’s scary. I know. But you’ve got to do it. It’s not against the law. It’s a red light you say? I know. So stop first. Look to your left. Is anyone coming? No? Then go. Other than someone almost hitting me, being stopped for no reason (whether you thought a green light meant “stop” or fell asleep at the light or don’t have the guts for the “free right”) these are the only times that I will honk. And people in Seattle seem to take the “honk” so personally! It’s not that I hate you and think that your family should die…All I’m trying to say is: LOOK! You can go! I’m waiting! Now go! That’s it. Nothing more.

And with that, I’ll get off my soapbox. That’s all the preaching I wanted to do. (For now). NINE DAYS UNTIL THE BACHELOR PARTY IN VEGAS! *So excited*

Stream of consciousness

So, I wanted to really free write. I know that I wanted to make a few points in this post, and I’m sure I’ll get to them, but I’m going to write whatever comes to mind. Because I wrote at the beginning of this month that I slacked off last month, and for that reason, I’m going to post at least once more before this month is over. And no slacker posts like the one about my physics of music notes…although it was interesting to me to see those.

We’re now past the halfway point in summer. It’s amazing how quickly it’s gone. I swear, suddenly it’ll be November again and I’ll be wondering what happened to those warm days where I could sit with the window wide open, typing this to you in my boxers like I am right now. I’m going to be wondering what happened to feeling the wind on my face as I drove down 405 with the windows rolled down. I’m going to be preparing for the first Christmas in this house. But that’s for December, so expect a post about that later.

Reflecting back on my first half of summer, I really want to remember two things. And these were very fun things. Both of course, very simple, yet for some reason to me very pleasurable.

I hated hated hated the dog at first. There are still times, like right now when she’s crying and barking and it’s 11 pm at night that I still hate the dog. Or maybe dislike is a better word now? Ok, dislike. But the dog makes me happy for two reasons. First is the fact that every time I come home (I am the first to come home) she is ready with tail wagging, going crazy, running around, jumping all over my legs, licking my hands, not holding steady when I’m putting on her collar. Because you know what? They don’t know how crappy your day was. They don’t care how tired you are. They are happy to see you and glad that you are home now. You begin to get the sense they never want you to leave. I have been the most calm this summer when Lola is calm and I am petting her. I would post a picture of her being calm right here, but I am too lazy to crop it from the 1600 X 1200 size it currently is in. Nice job, “Medium” setting on my Canon. Pffftt…

The second reason I really am enjoying Lola is how she runs. She is probably 4 inches off the ground, but she is a speedster. And only a few times have I been successful in tiring her out. Most of the time she is looking for more, and I am drenched in sweat trying to catch my breath. Why? She’s a chaser. You run, she runs after you. You stop, she stops, and you can run after her. As part of my daily workouts (let me get to that later) these past few months, I’ve been sprinting all around the house, all around the yard, and even around the neighborhood park with her. Seeing how happy she is that she caught me just makes my day. And I know it sounds cheesy, but I don’t care. The fact that she runs as fast as I sprint is great. We make for great races. Come watch us run around some time when you get the chance.

The other thing I wanted to mention is finding summer basketball heaven. Every year I’ve tried to find “that court”. The one where wannabe gang bangers don’t roll up and bump their music. The one where the lights stay on all night. The one that’s got grass surrounding it, and flat grass at that, not the one on top of the hill where the ball rolls WAY down the hill if you’re not careful or air ball it. The one with regulars that don’t talk trash and are there just to have fun like me. It may be a little far from my home, but it’s worth every penny of gas and mile on my car. I cannot get over how good this court is. This is my 4th consecutive week playing there and every time I come home wanting to go back tomorrow. But I don’t. I go once a week. It’s my little “away” time from the girls.

We used to play down here in the business parks. 3 am, no one around, just playing HORSE for money. But the court wasn’t well lit, and if we stayed for long enough, we’d get kicked off of private property. This new court I play at is a park. And it’s called “Hidden Valley” for a reason. Seriously if someone hadn’t given me directions to the place, I would’ve never found it. Perfect, secluded location. It’s like driving through a forest and BAM you’re on a park. Thank you Alex Akita for showing me the way.

I guess now for some kind of bad stuff to write about. I slacked. I’m such a loser. I totally slacked. In June I said to myself, “Ok Seth, you’ve got 2 and a half months to get in shape before the BP…DO IT…GET CUT…NO EXCUSES”. But I came up with excuses. I came up with 30 hours of poker (Without which, I wouldn’t be bringing an extra $500 to Vegas with me). I came up with taking care of Lola while Michelle was running around at weddings.

Did I mention, weddings suck? I never want to be part of one again until I’m invited to one that is not obviously my own. That is, unless the BP is going to be rocking hopefully like mine is.

Anyway, fast forward a month and a half, and I’m left sitting here 18 days away from the bachelor party, only doing my normal routine. Not pushing it at all. Not working to get cut. Just sailing along. Which during any other summer would’ve been fine. I mean, I keep up with the guys on the court just fine. But I wanted my abs back. I wanted my definition. And at this point, I have to be real with myself and just do the best I can with what little time I have left. 2 and a half months I feel is enough time to change a body. Especially one like mine where I maybe have to lose 15 pounds to be an ideal weight. And it wasn’t even about the weight with me. It was about losing my love handles (he laughs) and my beer belly. But just like in college I procrastinated, and now I’m sitting here trying to make up for lost time. Going on runs twice as long as I should be, thinking I’ll be working out all weekend other than Max and Erika’s wedding...really pushing myself with the weights. I mean by now I should’ve been on my “tone and firm” stage of the redevelopment of my body. Instead I’m on a crash course to who knows where…hopefully not sickness.

Regardless, I’m still in great shape and have been working out at least 2 days a week for the past month and a half. I really should have pushed it to 4 days a week, but now I’ll be going 6 days a week. *sigh* Why do I always do this to myself? Procrastination, you’ve screwed me over once again.

Just want to be over with it

I just paid our Comcast bill and also our bill for our appliances. Just those two amounted to more than $300.

I am a very impatient person. And because I am very impatient, it means I don’t want to make payments. I don’t want to make monthly payments to pay off things. Because every time I make a payment, that means another month has passed. And I could look back over the month and definitely see good things, fun things, good memories, but I see them less frequently than I’d like to.

It’s weird to think about exactly how many people spend 30 years in a house and pay the whole thing off. I can’t imagine doing that. I can’t imagine the person that spends 30 years in the same house, making the same payment every month and then at the end of 30 years, exactly 360 monthly payments later, gets the deed to their house and finally outright ownership. Obviously, this won’t be the case for Michelle and me. I don’t imagine us paying 360 payments to pay this house. We’re already paying over the amount we owe every month. And once we finish with our appliances and TV, we’ll be able to pay even more in to our mortgage…but…

It’s not coming soon enough. It’s not going fast enough. I don’t have the patience. I’ve been in this house for exactly 5 months as of this Friday. So that means I’ve got 356 more payments to go, because we didn’t make a payment the first month we were in here. I want to look 5 years down the road and miraculously have this thing paid off. It was the same way with my car. 5 year loan, finished in 2 and a half years. I got antsy. And yeah, sure all of those econ majors out there can point to me and say, “Well what about the time value of money?” And to that, I say, I feel better if money isn’t being sucked out of my account. I’d rather be broke and not see money come out of my account, then see lots of money come in to the account and just funnel straight out of it. For some reason that latter is much more painful to me, for reasons that would probably be pretty hard to describe.

When I was paying off my car, they expected a payment of $275 or something like that every month. But I was paying $500 a month. And on my last payment, I dumped $1200 off to them just so I could be done with it. I think here’s part of the reason, no the main reason why: Is because I hated seeing that money leave. This is the reason that I felt like writing this blog post tonight, is because I was kind of sick at this point of my mortgage coming out. And I’ve only got 29.5 years left of it. And of course, everyone can say it’s an investment. Yes, it is, I agree. Every dollar we put in to this house will come back to us hopefully double. That is barring any disaster, and assuming that we sell it. It will be hard to sell it though. The only thing I dislike about it is the school district. And that can be fixed by just plain old good parenting.
I just think about the $2800 coming out every month out of our joint account and I cringe. I mean, really, what could we do with that money? At the least save it. That was another point that I wanted to make. Is that I never wanted money so I could buy things with it. I just wanted money to have a lot of it. Because having that cushion for some reason feels really great. The moment we’ve got 6 months of mortgage payments in cash in the bank is the day that I’m going to feel better about this. And from my calculations, if Michelle and I don’t get raises (which we will) that point will be 4 years from now.

And thinking about 4 years from now is for some reason a pretty heavy weight. I mean, we could have a child by then. What then with that nest egg? Does it then go to the child? Does Michelle quit her job to stay home with child? Or do I? Are my parents or hers retired? How many days a week can they take them? Do I work part time? How long can we stay at home and how far does that push back retirement? What does a huge wind fall of money do? What happens if I get lucky?

I can’t even think about what the plan is for this coming Tuesday, 2 days from now, let alone 4 years from now. I am thinking too much. I should really think, and stress less. But it is hard. Because I want to be comfortable. And I think that being comfortable, or at least getting there takes a lot of discomfort. Was there a sign up sheet for this? I don’t remember volunteering for it.

My mind erases

Retention period: As long as needed or wanted.

Surfing through some old papers, I found this. And looking at it, I have no idea what it is at first glance.

Nothing really to talk about other than I feel like shit, but here it is...I think some smarter people may know what this used to help me with.

-Longitudnal waves deal with wiggling the air molecules back and forth in the direction of the wave.
-Transverse waves acts like the motion of a rope shaken up and down at one end. (perpendicular)
-Slope of a graph of position vs. time is equal to velocity.
-Newton’s 2nd law: F=MA
-Acceleration is the change in velocity over the change in time.
-Pressure is the application of force acting perpendicular to surface area.
-Force deals wither either a push or pull, may distort the object, changes it’s motion.
-Pressure is a force distributed over a certain area. P = F / A
-Work is done when a force is applied to an object that moves = F(D)
-Pressure of the atmosphere on our bodies is 10^5 Newtons / Meters^2 (15lbs/in^2) at sea
-Formula for a displaced guitar string: Potential energy = (2T / L)y^2 where T is equal to the tension in the string, L = length of string and Y is the distance of displacement
-Speed of sound: 343 m/s Gravity: 9.8 m/s^2 .305 meters in 1 ft
1 kg = 2.2 lbs 1 pascal = 1 N/m^2
-Difference between light and sound? About 10^6 m/s
-Kinetic energy = 1/2 M V^2 where M = mass and V = velocity
-Potential energy of a raised object = MGH where M = mass, G = gravity, H = Height
-Equation for a spring: F = -K(y) where Force (F) acts on K (spring constant) with
displacement of (y).
-Frequency of vibration is caculated: f = 1/T where T is the period of one vibration
-Frequency in hertz: f = 1 / 2(pie) * sqroot: (K / M)-Frequency of a pendulum: f = ½(pie) * sqroot (g / l) where g = gravity, and l = lenth
-Frequency of helmholtz resonator: f = [V / 2(pie)]* sqroot (a / VL) a is neck. V is
volume and L is the length of the neck.
-Tuning forks, principal mode will be struck at the bottom, clang mode near the top. Best
position to listen to a tuning fork is between the prongs at the top.
-Node: an area where there is no vibration, where sinusoidal graph intersects 0.
-One cent = 1/100th of a half-step
-Log functions are typically Logbase10, (Logbase10)100 = 2.
-(Log base 10)1 = 0 because 10^0 = 1, (logbase10)10 = 1 because 10^1 = 10
-If (log base 10)2 = .3, then we can derive (logbase10)4 by saying 2(log10)2 = .6
(logbase10)6 by saying 3(log10)2 = .9
-Frequency ratios: in logbase2, equation: 1200 X logbase2 (F2 / F1)
-Given 386.3cent, what is the frequency ratio?
386.3 = 1200(logbase2)(F2/F1)
386.3/1200 = logbase2(F2/F1)
2^(386.3/1200) = F2/F1 >>> 1.25 or 5/4
-Decibels: in logbase10, equation: 10logbase10
-Wave velocity equation: V = f(lambda) where f = frequency and lam = wavelength.
If “f” waves pass and crest at lambda meters apart^^^
-Longitudinal waves travel at v = sqroot (E / P) where E = elasticity, and P is density.
-Reflection of sound: The angle of incidence is equal to angle of reflection. The
reflected transverse wave is reflected like in a mirror when returning.

-Frequencies increase as you go towards the source (higher tone), lower when moving
away from the source.
-Speed of sound waves in ideal gas formula: V = sqroot: (Y R T / M) where Y and R are
constants for the gas, T is absolute temperature and M is molecular weight of gas.
-Doppler effect frequency: F = [Fs](V+Vo/V) where Fs is frequency of the source, Vo
is the speed of the observer, and V is speed of sound.
-If the source is in motion then the equation is F = [Fs](V/V-Vs) where Vs is
the speed of the source.
-Refraction occurs when the speed of waves changes which can result in a change in
direction or propagation.
-Diffraction occurs when waves encounter an obstacle, they bend around the obstacle.
-Frequency of modes equation to the nth mode: Fn = n(v/2L) where L is the length
of a string with both ends fixed, and N is the number mode currently in.
-In a bar or rod: fn = n/2L * sqroot: (E/p) where E is young’s elastic modulous and for
the material, p is it’s density.
-For a vibrating string: Fn = (n/2L) * sqroot: (T/u) where T = tension in the
string and u is equal to the mass per unit of length.
-Find first 2 modes of vibration of pipe .75 m long:
f1 = v/2L = 343 / 2(.75) = 229 Hz
f2 = 2v/2L = 2(343) / 2(.75) = 457 Hz
-Acoustic Impedance equation: Za = p / U where p = sound pressure to volume velocity
U. Measured in acoustic Ohms.

Lawn Care

So, I haven't written a lot lately.

I've been busy.

And at the same time, I've been lazy.

So I will make a concerted effort to write more, because otherwise I lose track of my life...I lose things I was thinking, I can't look back a year from now and say, "Hey, I remember thinking about that".

Over the past few weeks, I've been thinking a lot about how naive I was as a child. In fact, it comes up every time I water my lawn...which has been about every 3 days.

Let me tell you the story of my lawn. My lawn has been the greenest in the neighborhood since the sun started showing it's rays. I thought it was just fine. Other lawns were browning, neighbors were fertilizing and watering, shaking their heads not understanding how my lawn could be so green and theirs turning brown already. I laughed it off inside my mind and figured I was just "lucky".

Really, I wasn't. The brown caught up to me quick. I honestly thought our front yard was dead within a few weeks and that we would have to replant the grass. But before I continue down that road, I want to talk about my thought pattern as a child. I used to think how silly it was to waste all that water...on stupid grass? When millions of people don't get fresh water, we sit here and waste it on our grass...something that doesn't even provide us with shade...or at least a flower...The first time I really watered the lawn, running the sprinkler in front and watering by hand in the back, this is all I could think of. Was how as a child I used to tell people how cars were bad, how we were destroying the earth, how the rain forest was being destroyed...I used to think that I would never drive a car. I would take the bus, or even better I would run or bike to work. What happened between then and now? I can't pinpoint it. Well, maybe I can.

In a bullshit lecture I took at UW, geography 100...in fact, I think one of my first freshman classes ever that I didn't do too amazing in...We had a scale shown to us on the giant projection screen. A scale from 1 to 5. 5 being the tree huggers, someone who would chain themselves to a tree before they let it be cut down, and then the people who were 1s. Those that didn't recycle, didn't pay attention to "no burn bans", you get the point. The professor asked, "Ok, raise your hand if you are a 5". A few people raised their hands, as expected. I'd say maybe 10%. "Raise your hand if you are a 4". More people raised their hands. "3" Almost everyone in the room raised their hand. I began to put my hand up when the little class clown/sarcastic bastard inside of me yelled out, "WAIT!". So I held on, not sure what was going to happen."2". About the same amount of people as "5" had their hands raised.

He said, "Ok then, how about the 1s?"
*hand raised*
*looks around*
*realizes that no one is raising their hand*

"You sir! You!" The professor yelled up.
"Me?" as I pointed at myself
"No, him in the balcony...what's your name?"
Relieved, I realized that ONE other person had raised their hands. They were in the balcony though so I couldn't see them."My name's Forrest".

*The auditorium burst in to laughter at the irony*

"Well Forrest, why did you raise your hand?"

*Forrest sounded high*

"Well, uhhhh...well, uhhh...yeah, you know, burning trees isn't so bad, it can give you heat and you can make s'mores and stuff"

*more laughter*

The professor tried to come up with some sort of rebuttal, but to no avail...the class had been lost at that point. Finally after calming everyone down, he pointed at me.

"Ok, now you. What's your name?"

"Seth"

"Alright Seth, well go on, tell us why your the guy that's out to kill the Earth"

"...I just figure that we're all going to die anyway right? So if we're going to die, why don't we use up all the resources we have available to us to make our time as enjoyable as possible?"

*stunned, the auditorium bursts in to more laughter...my face starts to get red*

"Oh, that's quite the ideal you've got there Seth...just the same crap that generations before us have passed down to us right? Screw the children, they can figure it out for themselves right?"

At that point, I could kind of tell he was irked by what I had said. He was probably hoping to get out of this lecture without dealing with a bastard like me. I conceded to him. It was his class.

"Yeah, sure, something like that".

And actually, other than getting a 3.2 in that class, that is the only thing I remember...that and my "group session with TA" where everyone ragged on me for looking like an idiot.

Enough of a tangent.

Obviously my thoughts on this planet changed. I'm struggling with it though. As a child how could I have been so gung ho about saving this Earth? And suddenly as I grew older, take a 180?

I water my lawn to keep the grass greener on my side. I do a little victory dance when I see major brown spots in my neighbors yards and not mine. It is horrid. The amount of water I used on my lawn tonight could've probably nourished or bathed an entire village of 200 in Africa somewhere. I left the sprinkler on for 2 hours. I can't imagine how many gallons I used...fresh, clean water. I know they don't say to drink from the hose, but that is 10 times better than drinking from a pond that animals and other humans bathe in...

So just like, or so I believe, many other Americans that are struggling with the feeling that we've got to do our part...I'm not sure what to do. I've volunteered, I've donated money, I recycle and don't waste whenever possible...but still there's that little person inside of me still thinking those idealistic thoughts...the kid that wants me to ride my bike to work tomorrow, the kid that doesn't flush unless he goes #2 to conserve water, the kid that used to tell his parents to turn down the TV so he could concentrate on his book...I miss him a lot.

But it's been this conformity that has molded me. Everyone else drives to work. Everyone else waters their lawn. And just like everyone else, I pay the bills that allow me to enjoy all the natural resources available to me. We're all a bunch of lucky SOBs.There are some other things that I wanted to talk about other than my lawn. But I suppose that will have to wait until my next write. I'm going to hold myself to writing at least 4 times this month...and with that, goodnight.

I don't see the buses anymore

I know, my last post was a bit depressing...I'll try not to continue that trend. But I have to start off with this:

On my way to work this morning, and on the way to work every morning, I see the kids standing at the end of their respective drive ways, backpacks on shoulders, hair wet from the rain, some listening to head phones, others chatting, some on skateboards, others wearing clothes that are meant for people 5 times their weight...

And sometimes I get stuck behind a bus. Usually the wait isn't too bad. Kids are good about getting on and off buses, and most of the time I'm not behind the disabled bus. Thank God for not being disabled BTW.

I realized on the way to work that I soon wouldn't be seeing the kids in the coming week. Summer break is here. The last real summer I had was probably the best. The summer between 8th and 9th grade. And of course, here are my parents telling me to get a job...at 14? HAH. "Steve has a job". Well yeah, Steve worked basically illegally for family friends at the fruit market. Steve would come over and just hang. We would just sit there until something would come along. Bike down to thrashers? Great. Play basketball? Awesome. Toss the baseball if your dad can drive us to the Kirkland waterfront? Excellent. We get invited to ride on the jet skis of my neighbors? Wow. What a great time. What an excellent summer. All I worried about was mowing the lawn. Saturday? Ok. Mow the lawn.

Looking back now, I wasted so much time. Just sitting there. Watching TV. Watching at least 3 hours of TV a day. Hell. I had nothing else to do. I used to wake up to my mom watering the plants outside and just go sit out there in the morning sun in my boxers. 9:30 am. What a perfect time to wake up. And every night. Every night, it was mariners on TV. Dad BBQing. If I had even known that in a few years I would be working 8 hours a day while the sun came up and over my head, 70 degrees out and people going off the rope swing at Saint Ed's...if I had known that I would be stuck in a cubicle all that time I would've been going non stop those summers...because I guarantee I wasted about a quarter if not half of each summer I had.

So that's what I want. I want a summer. I want 3 long months. June 15th to September 15th. Sure, I'll go back after labor day. That's fine. I can compromise. June 15th to September 3rd or 4th...whatever the Tuesday is. In the working world that's what we would call a sebattical (sp) medical leave...am I pregnant? No. I just want the ability to just "hang". Maybe I should consider going back to being a poker pro...*heh*

Waterfights. July 4th. Baseball. Pick up basketball games. Girls in short skirts and tank tops. Washing and waxing the car. Sunsets at 10 pm. Ice cream. Tan skin. Sunglasses. Flip flops. Never looking at a calendar or a clock, no schedule whatsoever. Eating outdoors. Camping.

It's unrealistic. But it's a dream that I've lived before. If only I had known how good I had had it. Maybe some day I'll get another chance to experience that kind of freedom. That feeling of the last day of school. I thought I would get it before my 2 weeks of vacation at work...just wasn't the same.

It's late. I'm screwed for work tomorrow. Going to be very tired.

Detachment

I feel so far from everyone and everything

Today at work I maybe said 15-20 words to one of my coworkers

And that's when this feeling started to settle in, I'm hoping it will go away soon, but I'm afraid it won't. I drive to work alone every morning. Even if I took the bus, rarely would I meet someone that I could talk to normally on a daily basis.

I can't even hang out one on one with people for more than a few hours. I've lost a lot of my social skills I think. And I think I can see where it might be coming from.

Competition. Everything is a god damned competition to me. The simplest things become games in my head that I've got to win. If it has to do with something between you and I, I'm going to try my hardest to make sure that you are the loser. This attitude doesn't work very well in a casual social setting. I've tricked people in to making competitions of things by "betting on it". Something has always got to be riding on it for it to be worth anything to me. But that's not even it. I feel like it's enticing for others to "bet on it" against me.

Technology. The only time I talk to anyone outside of Michelle it's through email. It's someone reading this blog right now. It's the ICQ I send to my assistant manager who sits less than 5 feet from me. It's Nick chatting with me through IM. It's my cell phone. It's random people finding me on "myspace" and then trying to suddenly catch up on the last 6 years I haven't known them for. I'd say about once every 2 weeks do I actually get to spend quality time with a group of people, and this is important: When we're sober.

Alcohol/Drugs. Could I sit and just have a normal face to face conversation with the people I normally drink with, say, for two hours? I probably could. But it would be much easier if we were drunk or stoned. And to me, that's crazy. I didn't need that before I was however old when I started drinking. When I started drinking, suddenly, wow, I had an excuse to be the wild person I like to be. And most of the time, people are laughing?

I just now realized that wordpad doesn't have any spell check. And on that note, I will stop writing because I am afraid of grammatical and spelling errors. I would write more, but I am stopping. Because what I am writing is depressing. And I don't want to be uncomfortable socially. I don't want to have to drink to have a good time. I want to be able to talk to my friends in person. Short blog post, that's probably the only thing to be happy about. It's almost Tuesday.

Side Note:

I feel like discussing a few different things tonight. Thus the title of tonight's post.

Side note: I can see the moon through the trees from my computer room. The soft light from the lamp behind me somehow keeps me warm although I am only in my boxers. Warm showers and days that I work out make for a very nice rest. I can already feel my eyes begin to droop.

Side note: Everyone has something wrong about them. Figure out what yours is and stop complaining about it.

SN ((side note) for those not following along): 90 degrees and 80% humidity is unbearable to some. Some have to use aircon.

SN: Nail pops, AKA house settling AKA WHAT THE FUCK...are there burglars in my house who are going to kill me? *scared* They are annoying. I bet if I lived in a concrete house I would be A) cold B) not afraid of my wood house and it's nail pops. Every time I hear a freaking nail pop I think someone is behind me. Luckily the shimmer off the plexi glass window in front of me reassures me that no one is behind me with a sawed off shot gun, unregistered by Washington state, ski mask and all.

SN: Reference moon SN. The moon is sinking. I once watched it "set" into the ocean. It was one of the most romantic nights of my life.

SN: "Zero percent interest for 1-X years (X being less than infinity) does not mean you never have to pay it.

SN: Seth: Hey, what you doing
Nick: Nothing
Seth: Aight, I'm coming over
Nick: Aight
*4 minutes, 38 seconds later*
Nick: Holy shit! Did you run here?
Seth: No, big wheel yatch! *points to plastic tricycle in Nick's yard*
Nick: Shit, you look hot
Seth: Yeah, got a drink of water?
Nick: Yeah, come on in.
*tv is on, Seth and Nick sit down on couch*
Seth: So what'd you do today? Fucking work man, I just worked. That's it, and biked here.
Nick: Yeah, nothing really. *itches* Umm, just studied for CPA.
Seth: You lucky bastard...better not be cheater bastard on these shits.
*Seth and Nick watch TV for 1.3 hours as Seth gets up to leave midway through "celeb hottest couples on VH1"*

Seth: Aight, I'm heading home
Nick: See you later

*high five*

SN: Running is awesome. Girls who run are hot.

SN: I am fucking excited for Vegas. However, going with Michelle is like watching my parents go. Who is asleep at 10:30 pm on every night they are in Vegas? Michelle and my parents and the rest of the AARP that goes to Vegas for who knows what reason...

Reasons I would like to go with Random Guy A with $1500 instead of Michelle (who I will refer to from here on out as RGAW/$1.5K ):

RGAW/$1.5K doesn't sleep the first night in Vegas. He drinks and stumbles back to his room at 5 in the morning and pukes on a sick bastard who is excercising (read: running) on the strip. He is pleased. Michelle on the other hand is asleep.

RGAW/$1.5K gambles with his own money. Michelle does not.

RGAW/$1.5K might win. If RGAW/$1.5K wins money he either A) buys Seth drinks B) helps pay for the hotel C) buys Seth food. Michelle "might" do C) if it's $40 or less.

RGAW/$1.5K understands that flying to Vegas is just a necessary evil that he must endure for 2 hours down there and 2 hours back. Michelle cries and pukes and scares Seth and makes him think he will die for a month leading up to the flight, while driving to the airport, while boarding the plane and while on the plane. The moment we land RGAW/$1.5K is excited to be in Vegas. Michelle on the other hand is dreading the flight home.

RGAW/$1.5K gets fucking drunk with Seth. Seth and RGAW/$1.5K pat each other on the back and talk about how they're best friends and retell stories they shared from their childhood although RGAW/$1.5K grew up in Hoboken, New Jersey, is 25 years Seth's senior and has had his nose broken 3 times from random drunken fist fights. Seth is afraid RGAW/$1.5K has been drinking too much tonight.

SN: I really want to write more about RGAW/$1.5K, but he's starting to get annoying. I was trying to prove how he was BETTER...I might have to rethink that one.

SN: It's not my fucking dog. Hind sight is 20/20.

SN: I've been flossing my teeth for the past 4 months, most of the time every other night, but sometimes every night so that my dentist will complement me on my teeth tomorrow morning at my dental appointment. I'm such a good little dog. When the dentist looks at your teeth and says, "well, I don't even have to do anything here!" you are proud but worried that your dentist is lazy.

SN: Last comic standing is hilarious. They are on their 4th season now and I wonder what happened to 4 years of my life. I watched TV for 24 minutes tonight including commercials. Perfect.

SN: Good advice given to Nick:

to dread tomorrow

is to waste today

SN: Did the color of my font change! FUCK! *too lazy to change it back*

SN: Yes, the moon IS setting. That's it, it's the end of the world.

SN: I wanted to end with something profound. But I think I really just ran out of SNs. My nipples are itchy though.

Being the "bigger" man

Just a real quick note before I hit the sack.

Tonight I did one of the biggest things I think I ever have done. At least for me. Or maybe is it one of the most mature...hmmm...I'm not sure. But things are slowly changing for me, making it easier and better for me to grasp life.

Just as an example, the other day I decided not to rush to work. Sure, I was late. I'm rarely late. Out of the 250 days, I would say I was late about 10 of them.

And by late, I mean 3 minutes. I mean, c'mon. Anyway, it's not worth my stress. If they're going to talk to me about being late less than 5% of the time, I'd love to hear it. But that's the thing I really think I'm slowly starting to grasp. I do adult things, but part of my mentality is still that of a selfish child. "GET OUT OF MY WAY! I'M LATE TO WORK!" Does anyone else on the road really give a fuck? No. They don't. And when I cut them off, I ruin their day too. When they give me the finger, they just further the stress that is so debilitating. This is the stuff that makes people break down. "Falling Down" I'd like to reference as a great movie. I always thought that something like that might happen to me. Hopefully not.

Anyway, let me share with you this story:

Tim is a balding white guy that stands about 6' and weighs 185 lbs. He looks to be in his late 20s. Every time I've seen him at the gym he's been playing basketball. The guy has a scowl that most people would be afraid of. He literally looks like he could kill you with his hands if he got the chance. I've played with him 3 times. Only once on his team. The one time I was on his team it was absolute hell. Yelling at everyone else to pick up their sorry asses. Telling them how weak they were. Telling them where to go, when to shoot and calling them idiots anytime they do anything he doesn't like. Not only does he verbally berate his own (now mind you, this is LA Fitness, this is the heart of Mill Creek. Big news in Mill Creek makes for a power outage or a T-bone at a local intersection, maybe the new opening of a sushi bar or pizza joint)...players, he also pushes the other team around, criticizes them...

Now most of you would hope that Tim was a bad player. He's not. He gives 110% every play. He scores 70% of his teams points. And yet, his teams still lose, and every time off to the sideline he goes, cursing up a storm, ignoring team mates and opponents wishing him a good game.

For about a total of 6 hours I've watched Tim play now. Before I continue, let me give you a little back story on me.

Unless I know you, I don't talk on the court. I don't talk smack, I explain my case any time there is a dispute. Tim is one of those guys that can get me to talk. He pulls out that passive aggressive side of me. He's the guy that's cutting in line and OOPS you stick your knee out and charlie horse him or OOPS you stick your foot out to trip him and push him from behind. He's the guy you're ready to throw down against. Up until today, I was waiting for that time bomb to explode. See Tim picks on people he knows either won't fight him, or he thinks he can beat in a fight. Typical bully mentality right?

Tim makes snide remarks under his breath to me. I apologize to him profusely, although 100% of the time I am being sarcastic (passive aggressive). We beat Tim for the first time tonight. It is an excellent game. We win 16 to 14. It is probably the hardest I have played basketball for 2 years. Tim is pissed. Tim is sitting, head down, not believing that he had lost once again. We beat the next team, and wouldn't you know it? Tim is back on the floor again. This time he's got more to say to his teammates and yeah, you guessed it, me too.

*FLASH*

The person that I typically am will try to push your buttons. Because there's nothing better than an angry loser right?

*FLASH*

Suddenly, I have the same realization as I had the last time I was late to work. Pissing off this guy even further is just escalating the situation. I'm out here with 8 other guys that want to have a good time. Encouraging him would just ruin what we were all there to do: Get in a good game, and get a good workout. I avoid and ignore him until the end of the game. We kill them this time as his team gives up from being yelled at so much by Tim.

Head down again, I walk up to Tim.

"Good game man."
"..."
"Hey, I said good game man."
"Yeah."
"My name's Seth"
"..."
*I stick out my hand to shake his*

"My name's Seth, what's your name man?"
"Tim."
"Tim, are you mad at me or something? Did I do something to you? Because the way you act out there towards me seems like you want to kill me."
"It's just that no one out there gives 100% effort. We would win those games if everyone tried harder"
"I know man. I know. It's tough to lose, but a lot of people are like me. They don't really care. Nothing is on the line, it's not the pros or even college. Most of us just want a good workout"
"..."
"So if you could, you know...don't act like you're going to kill me everytime I go out there. I'm just here to have fun"
"Alright man"
"Alright? It's nice to meet you Tim."
"Yeah"

And that was it. It may seem ridiculous to you, but I've NEVER done that in my entire life. Just confronted someone I was having a problem with and straight up had an adult conversation with them...that being outside of a business or friendly setting. I mean, that's like me getting cut off in traffic, getting out of my car and just discussing the situation with the driver. No emotions, no yelling, no punching. I honestly thought shit like that would never work. But it did.

I know that next week when I'm back there, Tim will be there. I'm going to shake Tim's hand, make sure he's doing alright the first thing when I see him. Because the kid's got a damn stick up his ass or maybe he works a real stressful job...and he reminded me a lot of someone...me. The person I don't want to be anymore.

I can feel my mentality changing on things and it is amazing. I get one life to live, and trying my best to stay positive and happy is the best thing for me everyday. I know that sounds cheesy, but I honestly have a hard time staying positive as I would say I'm in a bad mood or pessimistic about life 60% of the time. And it's hard living like that. Everyday feels like 3 days. And I'm getting tired of it.

So this will provide as a reminder to myself. That I can be the bigger man...in most...maybe in all situations.