Dear My Single Guy Friends,

Quit it.

Stop it.

Stop being single and acting like you don't care. That being single is the best thing in the world because you can do whatever you want to whenever you want to and have no one to answer to about what and when and how you do it.

I've lived alone before for a few months and it was one of the most disheartening experiences in my entire life. I don't know how many of you continue to live your lives like that. Filling it with TV, internet and alcohol.

Here's the thing: There are people out there for you. Who are more than willing to take you on a test drive. A first date. And yet you sit there and wuss out. Going home that night wondering "what could have been?". Thinking to yourself how you saw an opportunity and did completely nothing about it. Chalk it up as another failure.

I am writing this post because last night I got to a point where I was so fed up with it, that I took over. I was the guts. And I got the glory (for someone else of course).

Scenario: Softball team celebrating a win together at a bar. Majority of males at our table, half of whom are single.

A cute brunette woman (slim, long brown hair, good teeth) walks up and sits down next to us. She is suddenly the attention of everyone at the table but focuses in on single guy (SG) who will remain nameless.

SG and her are chatting it up. Smiling. Focused on each other. Everyone else realizes to lay off of her so we can give SG a chance. At love.

After what seems like 30 minutes of conversation she gets up and leaves - still seemingly happy.

So we ask SG: "What's her story?"

We get the info on her. And lead in to the question that everyone asks after a random meeting like this: "Did you get her number?"

"No."

*shocked*

"What? Why not?"

"Just...cause."

"Pffttt"

I could not believe SG is letting this girl slip away. I get up from the table and head to the bathroom and see that she is already on to her next single guy (who is much less attractive and more than likely doesn't have as good a personality/job as her first SG).

So I decide right there that I'll finish the job. I'll get the number. I've got liquid courage. The wife is there and I've already gotten clearance from her too.

So while SG is heading to the bathroom I make my move. I go over, tell her that SG thinks she's cute. She asks me if this is junior high all over again. We laugh.

Because for some of you guys, it freaking is junior high all over again. You SGs out there have so little guts you remind me of myself in 7th grade calling girls I had crushes on and hanging up as soon as I heard "hello".

I tell her about how my SG is just really nervous around girls, how he hasn't had a gf since college (which is getting pretty far away for some of us now - sad) and that if she would give him a chance I think she might like him. So who gets the number for SG? This guy.

Proud of myself I hop in the car to share the good news with SG. Only to hear complaints from him about it. Complaints? When I asked him how he was going to run in to her again he said he would stalk her at work (she works at a restaurant across the city). And that would be better than calling her? Stalking her at work? No.

Complaints invalid.

So to all you older SGs out there (you're almost 30 now): C'mon already. Grow a pair. Lonely people (hate to say just women - don't want to discriminate) out there rely on you to step it up.

That Tired Moment

Since I was so tired at work – and didn’t want to actually do work, I’m going to write this.

There is always a moment – and it first started in school for me, when you look up at the clock and realize – I can’t believe it’s only been an hour.


You don’t know if you’ll make it through the rest of the day with how slowly time has passed during that first portion of it. It seems like lunch is even weeks away. And then, the yawns start to hit you. You try to hold them in, not look tired. But it’s too hard to resist. You start to crash. All you can think of right now is that warm comfy bed. Waiting for you back home. The place you left so you could pay for the place that you left.


You think about the night before. About how you either shouldn’t have stayed up as late as you did. Or how you wish you could’ve gotten more sleep – or hadn’t been woken up so many times. Maybe how many times you tossed and turned throughout the night, trying anything to put yourself to sleep. But it’s no use. You know that tomorrow will be a disaster.


So you try different things to break you out of the eye droop.


-You get up from your desk and go for a walk. Maybe some physical activity will get you going. You roll your chair around hoping to stretch out your body.


-On your walk you run in to friends/coworkers that you don’t mind chatting with. Or that make you laugh. At this point noticing someone’s new haircut might keep you awake.


-You snack. You drink coffee. This is why corporate America is so fat. Because we’re so tired. From eating so much to keep us awake. Because we’re so tired.


-You drum on your desk. Tap your feet. Hum part of a song that’s stuck in your head.


-You constantly check your emails. Hit "Send/Receive" twice in a row to make sure that someone didn't just send you something in that millisecond between your slow double click even though you have "Send/Receive Settings" set to "Check every 1 minute(s)". Anything to read – surf the internet.


-Daydream. Placing yourself far from your cube – only in your thoughts though.


But what if all of those don’t work?


You go in to the stealth sleep mode:


-Fake itching/rubbing your eyes so you can close them for a few seconds.


-Acting like you’re stressed (you might actually be) and patting your hair down or rubbing your own neck while closing your eyes and letting out a deep sigh. Putting your entire face in to your palms while you rest your elbows on your desk, therefore covering your entire face and giving you the ability to close your eyes.


-Leaning your head against your hand and facing away from the aisle/other cubes to get some shuteye.


-Cupping your eyes like your own personal binoculars for your monitor. But not really, you don’t need a set of binoculars to see 2 feet in front of you.


-I swear some people sit on the toilet, lock that stall door and fall asleep.


-You might even head out to your car, tilt your seat back and pass out there. Yes, you might.


Sometimes I think one of my bigger fears is to become narcoleptic. During a meeting I was involved in last week - not really involved, just sitting and nodding of...I mean my head - there were a few times where my eyes took too long to blink (seriously) and my head bobbed and felt like it was headed straight for the desk in front of me. You know when you fall asleep in the car but your head isn't resting on anything? And how your neck suddenly relaxes and timber there goes your head? Yeah, that's what it felt like.


So being a narcoleptic who freaks out about falling asleep. That would be terrible. But at the same time, if I was able to randomly fall asleep I would probably feel much more rested.


That being said, I can't wait to get in to bed.

Why Being Drunk Is Awesome

I need to get some posts in for this month.

So here goes a worthless one.

I had 3 pitchers to myself this evening.

Just as a little frame of reference.

But so many people bad mouth substances. Cigarettes, alcohol, other drugs.

Not me. I figure as long as you can do your own thing and keep others out of danger then you're cool. I definitely live in the "whatever you want to do as long as it doesn't harm others" camp.

So back to the title of this post. Let's create a list.

Why Being Drunks Is Awesome (in no particular order):

-Inhibitions are thrown out the window. You can say whatever the eff you want whenever the eff you want to. You know why? Cause you've been drinking. And people know that. So they

-Excuse you. I don't know how many times people have told me I've done something stupid while drinking and not remember. But in their book it's fine because they all know that you were trashed at that point and couldn't control yourself which brings me to...

-Great excuse. Well, I guess it's not great, but it's easy to say (after a night of effing up) "OMG I was so drunk. I'm pretty sure I blacked out."

-Everyone (not just women) look so much better. It's like your brain relaxes on the alcohol and so does everywhere else. When sober a 6/10 might not be too enticing. But pump some alki in to it and all of a sudden that 6 becomes an 8. I'll be loving those beer goggles.

-Truth Serum. Love getting people drunk who can hardly hold in their secrets. Why? Bec ause by the end of thd drinking session you're learning things you shouldn't have even known.

-Blacking out. Maybe this isn't for everyone. But trying to piece together certain things from the night before sometimes makes for a good time. All the investigation - where was I during this point of the day during which day. Sometimes it's fun to put things together like a giant life puzzle.

-Liquid courage. Honestly I don't know if I'd be married right now if it wasn't for liquid courage. Liquid courage got me holding hands with the wife even bef0re we were "dating". Liquid courage has never let me down. In fact, if I could thank liquid courage for my life I would. Someone should come up with a mascot or something for liquid courage.

-It's a pain pill in a few drinks. Screw advil. Give me 3 beers all day for whatever is ailing me. And luckily for me there isn't much ailing often.

I'm sure there's more but I'm starting to go cross eyed looking at this screen. But for now, that's good enough. In conclusion - so far, being drunk is awesome.

What am I going to do now?

That was the question I had continued to struggle with.

And I started struggling with it back on April 17th, the day I learned I was losing what I thought was my "safe" job.

Luckily for me, I got a severance. But even during that time (still currently happening) I still had this nagging thought of "What am I going to do?"

What am I going to do with my life? What am I supposed to be? What am I going to do for work so I can afford my life?

Luckily through the power of networking the wife was able to get me a job where she works. It's more money than I've ever made before. So much that I figured it would take me at least another 5-7 years of working before I had his this point in salary. I guess all of us have to get lucky sometimes.

So today marks my 7th full day of working.

It's weird being back.

The dressing up in the morning. Packing of lunch. Waking up when it's dark out (and soon to be coming home when it's dark). Feeling like I just lost out on hours of time during the workday and trying to cram in silly things like going to the bank to deposit checks - even that is a struggle with figuring out how I can get there during business hours.

These are things I haven't struggled with for 2 years.

And to make things even more odd, most days I'll drive in to work with the wife since we work in the same building (and she's got air conditioning in her car and a better parking pass). I liked having our work lives and home lives separate. Or maybe it's just because I've never worked with her before. But so far, it's OK. It's not great, it's not terrible. I guess the only gripe I've had about it is instead of meeting people for the first time and letting them get their own impression of me I receive a lot of, "Oh, I've heard so much about you!" comments. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing - I don't know, reading this actually makes me feel ridiculous for nitpicking.

I suppose it will get better once I'm fully out on my own and doing my own thing for 8 hours a day or more. It doesn't help that we work within 30 yards of each other, or that we share similar job titles.

But now that I have this job there is something new I'm beginning to struggle with. It's the "Where do I go from here?".

I read through some of the leadership's documentation today (go sharepoint admin) about the need to fill for staffing. Under the "temporary gaps" section of this specific document they had my name listed.

I mean, I know, and the company knows, that we're supposed to be here for 6 months. Just like last year. Our current contract says we'll be out of here by next February. But, what if? What if I can't find a job as easily as I did down here? What if I can't transfer back up home? What then? Do we stay until I can relocate or someone is willing to hire me?

It just one of those moments where you know things will be changing in the future again for you - that what you've got right now isn't solid, and pretty soon you're going to have to come up with something else. The "What am I going to do now?" question is coming back once again - and next time I'm pretty sure it won't come with a severance package to give me time to answer it.