Here are my self-censored thoughts on paper: October 2006

Halloween is here.

Here is a picture of my awesome pumpkin. I make pumpkins that 5 year olds can make.

Because my artistic skills got left behind at about kindergarten...

And we are now the proud owners of a rental property.

Wow. We've got a lot of work ahead of us.

Everything needs replacing except for the walls. Well even some walls need replacing so scratch that. Basically everything but the kitchen sink has been there since I believe before I was born. Ironic isn't it? It's going to be a very interesting November.

And unfortunately, just like September and basically all of October, expect less posts...due to a busy time in my life. Investment property...wow...somehow I feel like I'm doing a very good thing with my money...and while giving my sister a place to live! Her very own condo...

Did I talk about the death of Online poker? Maybe you've read about it. Anyway, Party Poker died for me on the 13th of October. My favorite President of ALL TIME signed a bill that basically cut one of my "leisure time" activities out. Now I have to play at a casino with people I don't like. Seeing 100 less hands per hour. Playing in tournaments with 3 to 5 thousand less people for the same buy in. Having to pay ATM withdrawal fees.

And since I'm the addictive personality when it comes to gambling...I found an old passion of mine...something I dabbled in back in my, "I'm good at blackjack and craps" days. Sports betting. No more poker online? Ok...then sports betting. Christ. Just this past weekend, I had close to $100 spread out over 12 different NFL games, 14 different college games, and even the freaking World Series...and now the NBA starts tomorrow night? Oh my achin' back...thank God I've got other hobbies...otherwise I'd be stuck in front of this monitor betting that Dwayne wade would score more than 7 points in the 3rd quarter on the road against the Nets since Richardson had switched off of him...tuned so intently in to TNT...or ESPN...or whoever the fuck is showing it live...

And that's another thing. Poker used to take a lot of time from me. When I was doing well with it (not as a profession) I was playing 2-4 hours a night. Now I've replaced that with screaming at the TV for letting me miss a Fifteen Grand parlay off of five bucks when New Orleans gets destroyed and Philly can't score a freaking touchdown to save their lives. For that Donovan, you don't get to go to the playoffs.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure I've stayed up long enough for that brownie to not give me nightmares. Hopefully I can get some picture updates (or at least words since obviously I'm now picture happy) on the condo while we work on it. Total time spent working so far: 3 hours. (not including travel time of course)

“We shouldn’t’ve left you, left you without a dope beat to step to”.

Not really.

For some it might have been an eternity. For others, maybe I just skipped a month? Writing in here suddenly became so hard to me. I wanted to write about things that were awesome, exciting…interesting. But I had nothing really to say. And every time I wanted to rant about something, or express my joy towards something…I just never found the time to put it in writing.

So here it is. Here is some of it. Here is the best I can do with my keyboard and my mind trying to translate what I am saying in to words.

Joy is having the best wedding of the summer. Joy is surpassing some of the best weddings you’ve ever been to but being better in the ways you wanted it to be. Joy is taking weeks off of work to travel the coast. See things I’ve heard about or seen a million times on TV but never taken the chance to see them in person. It is like the Golden Gate bridge. I have seen it so many times on TV…in movies…but until I came around that corner and saw it…until I drove over it…that was an experience I won’t forget. Joy is very hard for me to express. And I had this same frustration with music. As I’m sure most other artists have had. The medium that restrains me may have prevented me from sharing anything…everything…because words were too little. To write it out would be great to read years from now on, but even still it can’t really capture the whole of it.

I ran in to the same thing back when I was composing music for the piano. Yes, I wrote music up until about my sophomore year of high school. I became delusional with it after I wanted to make something that broke through, only to realize that every note ever played has already been played. More than likely, every chord progression has been progressed through. What is original is not and is actually just a transposition of previous compositions. People compare. They make similes. They’ve seen or heard things before. They label. How does one say a professional basketball player is like two previous basketball players mixed in one? How do people apply this notion to music? And to writing?

It must be truly frustrating for artists who try to be completely original. This is my work. This was created with my own hands. And although I do have my influences, those created who I am. Yes, these words have been used before. And of course I have read and heard them at every turn. But it is the medium in which I must communicate and therefore it is the best I can do. It’s almost a feeling of being imprisoned by knowledge…

Really though. What am I saying. I’m just getting lost in my own late night drabble.

To get on to things less serious…Online poker as we know it will now be gone in the next few weeks, months…gone. On October 13th, 2006 a bill was signed that made it illegal for any US resident to place an online wager…at least in the state of Washington. And lucky me, I live in Washington. Since before the wedding I hadn’t really been playing much as I had played a TON on the bachelor party and really if I can get a good weekend session once a month I’ll be held over just fine. But now, almost 2 months later, I sat here and looked at a blank Google screen wondering what the fuck I was going to do with myself. I traded shifts with a coworker for one day. Which means that I get to wake up 3 hours later than normal.

Lucky me. That also means if I would like I can stay up 3 hours later than normal. So that’s what I’m doing. Normally, I would’ve been asleep at the latest 30 minutes ago. I definitely feel tired enough to do so…but how many chances will I get like this of staying up and being able to wake up late? Regardless tomorrow will suck. And the day after that will be about the same. Along with every day there after. Sometimes I really wonder how people carry on. Even the most stressful jobs have their monotony…their “grind”. And I don’t understand why I’m feeling like this. I mean, I do, but I don’t really want to fight it. It just seems like a lot of the corporate culture I’ve experienced is that you’re there for the paycheck. You’re not there to change the world. Use the money you make to make yourself “happy” outside of work because obviously for the 8 hours your there, you’re just shuffling…pushing paper.

To completely change the subject…because I’ve been doing that tonight obv…I wanted to share pictures. Pictures that meant the most from my honeymoon. And I won’t include captions. You can just look at them and think what you will of them. Make up your own caption for them…whatever…but shit I’ve got to resize them for that to work. And I want them to be below this post…so that means I’ll have to post them first. *sigh*

Anyway, that is my first post back from a somewhat confused and frustrated with blogs hiatus. I mean, in my journals I used to keep with pen and paper sometimes I would just doodle and write randomly throughout the page to keep my mind working…on this computer screen I’m really enclosed to just this line…and that’ll end it. Hopefully I’ll be back.