Being the "bigger" man

Just a real quick note before I hit the sack.

Tonight I did one of the biggest things I think I ever have done. At least for me. Or maybe is it one of the most mature...hmmm...I'm not sure. But things are slowly changing for me, making it easier and better for me to grasp life.

Just as an example, the other day I decided not to rush to work. Sure, I was late. I'm rarely late. Out of the 250 days, I would say I was late about 10 of them.

And by late, I mean 3 minutes. I mean, c'mon. Anyway, it's not worth my stress. If they're going to talk to me about being late less than 5% of the time, I'd love to hear it. But that's the thing I really think I'm slowly starting to grasp. I do adult things, but part of my mentality is still that of a selfish child. "GET OUT OF MY WAY! I'M LATE TO WORK!" Does anyone else on the road really give a fuck? No. They don't. And when I cut them off, I ruin their day too. When they give me the finger, they just further the stress that is so debilitating. This is the stuff that makes people break down. "Falling Down" I'd like to reference as a great movie. I always thought that something like that might happen to me. Hopefully not.

Anyway, let me share with you this story:

Tim is a balding white guy that stands about 6' and weighs 185 lbs. He looks to be in his late 20s. Every time I've seen him at the gym he's been playing basketball. The guy has a scowl that most people would be afraid of. He literally looks like he could kill you with his hands if he got the chance. I've played with him 3 times. Only once on his team. The one time I was on his team it was absolute hell. Yelling at everyone else to pick up their sorry asses. Telling them how weak they were. Telling them where to go, when to shoot and calling them idiots anytime they do anything he doesn't like. Not only does he verbally berate his own (now mind you, this is LA Fitness, this is the heart of Mill Creek. Big news in Mill Creek makes for a power outage or a T-bone at a local intersection, maybe the new opening of a sushi bar or pizza joint)...players, he also pushes the other team around, criticizes them...

Now most of you would hope that Tim was a bad player. He's not. He gives 110% every play. He scores 70% of his teams points. And yet, his teams still lose, and every time off to the sideline he goes, cursing up a storm, ignoring team mates and opponents wishing him a good game.

For about a total of 6 hours I've watched Tim play now. Before I continue, let me give you a little back story on me.

Unless I know you, I don't talk on the court. I don't talk smack, I explain my case any time there is a dispute. Tim is one of those guys that can get me to talk. He pulls out that passive aggressive side of me. He's the guy that's cutting in line and OOPS you stick your knee out and charlie horse him or OOPS you stick your foot out to trip him and push him from behind. He's the guy you're ready to throw down against. Up until today, I was waiting for that time bomb to explode. See Tim picks on people he knows either won't fight him, or he thinks he can beat in a fight. Typical bully mentality right?

Tim makes snide remarks under his breath to me. I apologize to him profusely, although 100% of the time I am being sarcastic (passive aggressive). We beat Tim for the first time tonight. It is an excellent game. We win 16 to 14. It is probably the hardest I have played basketball for 2 years. Tim is pissed. Tim is sitting, head down, not believing that he had lost once again. We beat the next team, and wouldn't you know it? Tim is back on the floor again. This time he's got more to say to his teammates and yeah, you guessed it, me too.

*FLASH*

The person that I typically am will try to push your buttons. Because there's nothing better than an angry loser right?

*FLASH*

Suddenly, I have the same realization as I had the last time I was late to work. Pissing off this guy even further is just escalating the situation. I'm out here with 8 other guys that want to have a good time. Encouraging him would just ruin what we were all there to do: Get in a good game, and get a good workout. I avoid and ignore him until the end of the game. We kill them this time as his team gives up from being yelled at so much by Tim.

Head down again, I walk up to Tim.

"Good game man."
"..."
"Hey, I said good game man."
"Yeah."
"My name's Seth"
"..."
*I stick out my hand to shake his*

"My name's Seth, what's your name man?"
"Tim."
"Tim, are you mad at me or something? Did I do something to you? Because the way you act out there towards me seems like you want to kill me."
"It's just that no one out there gives 100% effort. We would win those games if everyone tried harder"
"I know man. I know. It's tough to lose, but a lot of people are like me. They don't really care. Nothing is on the line, it's not the pros or even college. Most of us just want a good workout"
"..."
"So if you could, you know...don't act like you're going to kill me everytime I go out there. I'm just here to have fun"
"Alright man"
"Alright? It's nice to meet you Tim."
"Yeah"

And that was it. It may seem ridiculous to you, but I've NEVER done that in my entire life. Just confronted someone I was having a problem with and straight up had an adult conversation with them...that being outside of a business or friendly setting. I mean, that's like me getting cut off in traffic, getting out of my car and just discussing the situation with the driver. No emotions, no yelling, no punching. I honestly thought shit like that would never work. But it did.

I know that next week when I'm back there, Tim will be there. I'm going to shake Tim's hand, make sure he's doing alright the first thing when I see him. Because the kid's got a damn stick up his ass or maybe he works a real stressful job...and he reminded me a lot of someone...me. The person I don't want to be anymore.

I can feel my mentality changing on things and it is amazing. I get one life to live, and trying my best to stay positive and happy is the best thing for me everyday. I know that sounds cheesy, but I honestly have a hard time staying positive as I would say I'm in a bad mood or pessimistic about life 60% of the time. And it's hard living like that. Everyday feels like 3 days. And I'm getting tired of it.

So this will provide as a reminder to myself. That I can be the bigger man...in most...maybe in all situations.