The Gamble of a Lifetime

Well the first one at least.

No one but me knows how much I’ve been dying to write this post. How much I’ve been thinking about what I was going to say, what I was going to write, how long it was going to be, what I was going to include in it. If there was going to be screen shots, or pictures, or if I was going to save other things for other future blog posts.

But enough of that – of course everyone that writes in these has to put some thought in to it. That is the beauty of writing – hopefully you are thinking while you are doing it. Thinking at least about something.

The only thing that kept running through my mind was Rounders. I don’t know if you’ve seen that movie yet. I’ve seen it roughly 80 times. And mainly because I used to go on those long online poker binges where just the sound of it running in the background was soothing. And I’d watch it 5 times in one day and not really notice.

Near the beginning of the movie Mike McD says, “If you’re too careful, you’re whole life can become a fucking grind”.

For me, that really hit home. Even to this day, after working a quote un-quote “real job” (yes I actually wrote that out AND included the quotes) I still think I don’t have to grind out an 8 hour a day job M-F in order to retire when I want to. I still think I am smart enough to find money outside of working for an actual company. For a while there I thought I could make it at poker. I knew it wasn’t going to be a long term thing – because what would’ve been the reason of going to college? But it was nice for at least 3 years. And I still play pretty regularly; just now it’s not my only source of income. When I make money playing, great, when I lose it, oh well. It’s not like I’m playing to live now.

Another quote that sticks out from Rounders is when Knish says to Mike, “You’re making a run at it aren’t you? Rolling up a stake and going to Vegas”. This line has been playing over and over in my head since about May. Even though I thought it was “heading” instead of “going”. But the internet says, “going”. And I can’t get it to go away. It’s still playing in my head right now. (The “heading” version) And it’s not that I’m annoyed. I love it, in fact.

Here’s the thing: It’s not poker. It’s the stock market. I increased the line of credit on our house and I’m betting the house (literally) that I can make at least some extra money in the market on top of what I’m currently making at my job.

I wanted $100K. I’ve gone in with a friend and we’re splitting it right down the middle. I don’t feel ready to handle $100K worth of risk. But for some odd reason, I felt $50K was the right amount. Double the amount required to day trade and just enough to not end up going bankrupt if I lose it. Enough to make a decent amount of money over a year. Enough money to where a 10% gain isn’t chump change – to me at least.

And it’s funny. Because everything I’ve read about the market so far and building the bankroll in order to trade says, “Don’t finance the money you trade with. Don’t trade with money you can’t afford to lose”.

But for some reason, I know that losing might happen. And I’m ok with that. I think everyone says not to play with borrowed money because if you’re playing with borrowed money you’re more than likely a bit older than me and have less time ahead of you to make a comeback if you in fact lose.

And that was the beauty for me. For those of you questioning my actions – this huge risk I am taking on, just hear me out. I am young enough to pay off any debt that I might incur because of this. Yes. It might hurt. We have plenty of debt right now, and it hurts a lot. In fact, we’ve got negative cash flow until at least next February. Yes, believe it or not, we are spending more money than we make. But that’s just because we financed everything. No interest financing is the best – and in case you were wondering about that too: We financed $10K in upgrades to an investment property that we bought. So no. We are not dumping our money in to a depreciating asset. Thanks for asking and possibly assuming though.

I’ve just been thinking a lot lately – that the truly wealthy see opportunities and they take advantage of them. They apply their talent at the right moment and they never once look back. While the other 98% of the population grumbles every morning having to wake up, drive to work in order to pay the bills and feed the kids. Actually scratch that. I think a lot of people out there think that there’s just no other way. You work, and hopefully you save enough to retire. There is only one way to make money…I suppose luckily for the rest of us we realize there are plenty of ways to make money. They just require the extra time and effort outside of work.

One of my dreams is to work for fun. And work because I want to. So I want to get ahead. Yesterday I wanted to get ahead. The day before that I should’ve been far enough ahead that yesterday I could’ve maybe taken a little break since I was already ahead. Can you tell I’m impatient when it comes to this stuff?

And the reason I wrote this post tonight is because I just finished watching Say Anything, which I admit I thought was a great movie. The writing between the two love birds along with it being taped in Seattle made it perfect for me. Near the end of the movie, Diane turns to Lloyd (WTF Lloyd? I guess the name fit him though) and she says, “Nobody thinks it will work, do they?”. And he looks at her and says, “No. You just defined every great success story”.

So I’ve got $50K to play with. Since April 2006 I’ve made a 34% return in my retirement accounts. And since I was able to do that, I figured I could apply the same sort of strategies to my real trading account.

And this Friday marked day 2. I’ve had $50K of my own property’s equity floating out on the stock market for 2 days. And although I feel like I’m jinxing myself (mainly since the market has had it’s largest sell off in 5 years over the past 3 days) in 2 days I’ve made almost ten thousand dollars. A ~20% return in 2 days. It’s not realistic at all. And it doesn’t feel real. Until I have the cash in hand – heck it may even be in my bank account this coming Wednesday if I were to withdraw the money and pay back my share of the loan – but it still wouldn’t be real to me.

And I knew how I was going to do it. And it worked almost to perfection. If I had made $4K more I would’ve been out of my mind. That’s the number I was really shooting for. But because of the market sell off I fell a little bit short of what I was hoping to make. In 2 days.

But that’s what I love about these zero sum games. Poker and the market. Now I understand that both of these might not be considered zero sum games…but I like to think of them as such. It really helps with the mindset.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zero-sum

For me, I’ve found that poker has a lot more randomness involved in it than the market does (at least I’ve yet to see the 7 of spades hit on the river for the other guy to hit the inside higher straight flush when all he’s got is the 8 of spades in his hand…over my straight flush in the market) but I’m still new to it all and sopping up as much information as possible. (Constantly reading up about it, talking about it and getting ideas from so many sources). I am a very “results oriented” type when it comes to money. I believe everyone should be paid based on output and merit. And poker and playing the market gives me that. They reward for good and smart play. They punish mistakes and crush you even further if you’re not paying attention and miss all the signs.

So really, that’s it. That’s what I’ve been wanting to write about for 2 months. And it was jumbled and I didn’t really make any of the points I wanted to strong enough…or maybe the better word I should’ve used is “eloquently” - but they’re there.

I’ve been very scared and very stressed about this whole ordeal. For a little over 3 weeks my right eye was twitching. And I know it’s a heck of a risk taking this large of a shot. But at least now I’ve got some breathing room. I’m extremely interested to see where I go from here and I promise to be content as long as I’m not losing any money. Hopefully someday I’ll roll up my stake and head to Vegas again too, maybe next time with some real cash to burn.

Rando Notes for July "Oh" Seven

I know.

I know that you’ve been dying for one of these. Well maybe not you specifically. Maybe you haven’t been following along. But if I know like I should, literally I think maybe five people follow what I write. So to those five out there, what you’ve been missing for the past two months…my lovely rando posts where I let my ADD run wild on MSFT Word to your moms I came to drop bombs I got more rhymes than the bible got psalms.

I don’t feel like notating each new point with a dash. So for this post I will just separate them by spaces. Here we go…

In the summer of 2005 I got sun burnt. At the time, I was shaving my head with the 1/8” guard (I believe the smallest guard I have available on my trusty Remington) so of course my scalp got burnt too. Embarrassed I avoided wearing black or dark colored shirts. Why? My scalp began to peel in nasty little dry skin increments – shut up I couldn’t find a better word for it. Since those days in 2005 I have used a dandruff preventing shampoo, T-Gel by Neutrogena. Even though it wasn’t even dandruff to begin with. And I didn’t even have dandruff nor have I ever had it. For those of you who disagree, my head was more than likely peeling at the time. I have never had dandruff since. But the funny thing is? I am afraid to switch back to some other shampoo. Pert, head and shoulders, even Michelle’s girly stuff I am afraid to go to for more than one day in fear of seeing that one flake again on my shoulder. When I go on vacation and use the hotels shampoo (that doesn’t even foam WTF?) I am scared I will return home with dandruff. Sometimes you just get used to a product and you just continue to go with it. Other times you continue to go with a product out of fear of the unknown.

Flying a redeye for more than 2 hours by yourself has to be one of the loneliest experiences in the human life. Well maybe I’m exaggerating that. But if you’ve got any luck like me you’ll get placed next to the huge black guy that falls asleep immediately then starts snoring and then across the aisle from you will be the nursing mother whose baby obviously hates to fly. Now, I’ve never flown a redeye by myself. But I have flown by myself before. And I did alright. But knowing how I’d feel in that dark cabin, surrounded by strangers, me and my ipod and book…cramped in that confined space with recycled air…The thought alone makes me kind of sick. And for me, I think that is the ultimate loneliness. I felt that; sometimes in the city during one of those summers that I basically lived alone. Being surrounded by so many people, but not knowing one lick about any of them. And most of them feeling the same way you do…maybe you just ignore everyone else and they won’t bother you. I hope they get the fact that I’m buried in my book and rocking out to my music that they won’t ask me anything.

Because maybe the big fear is that people can’t carry on a conversation for more than 10 minutes. Ever had to have a conversation 1 on 1 with someone for more than 10 minutes? Someone you don’t know? It’s hard. And on a plane you really just can’t get up and walk away. That is your seat.

I wish there was a way we could just say to another person, “No offense, but I’d like this conversation to end and I’d like you to think good thoughts of me”. That would be such a life saver in those situations. I’d love to use that line at work too. Maybe we could come up with some sort of hand signal for it? Maybe?

I think that these rando posts are so good for me because first of all, I’m very scatterbrained. And second of all, I day dream a lot. And not necessarily about unrealistic things either. About simple things like that hand signal I previously mentioned that would mean, “Ok, I’m done talking now”.

Ever since moving up to the 2^nd floor in my building there has only been one thing I’ve loved about it. And that sadly enough is: the men’s bathroom. And it’s not even the bathroom itself. It’s the door to the men’s bathroom. Somehow, the men’s bathroom door handle got broken – I’m assuming from a disgruntled 2^nd floor working male. It’s now bent so that no one ever has to touch the handle – the door is always slightly ajar. To go in you push. To leave you pull a bit. And for some reason touching wood with your fist or elbow seems much more sanitary than grabbing a metal handle with your hand. This is my OCD hard at work.

I am sadly attempting a “pho”-hawk. Yes. Pho. Well, maybe not. I am not that Asian. So we’ll leave it at “Faux”. Even though I am not French. ARG! So confusing. Let’s just say a mound of hair that comes to a point in the middle of my head. Very posh and beckish…or maybe just becks. I saw my dad’s picture from the 70s and he looked badass like Bruce Lee in his tight denim button up shirt and corduroy bell bottoms. To finish off the look? Hair almost to his eyes. Now I’m pretty sure I couldn’t pull the look off. But I’m going to at least try. For a few months while I grow my hair out it’ll be in that weird point where it’s not too long and it’s not too short. And I hate to gel my hair so it’ll just look like I just rolled out of bed every day. Not that it already didn’t look like that.

I take off my wedding ring every now and then. When my fingers are skinny enough to take it off. When I’m doing yard work, working out, taking a shower, or even when sleeping. I guess sometimes I feel more comfortable, or “hand agile” when I don’t have it on. But sometimes I forget it. I leave it in the car after going to the gym. I leave it at home when I go to work. And I freak. I freak out for hours. I know exactly where it is, but I know that one of these days when I know exactly where it is, it won’t be there. And on that day is when I’m going to get castrated. I should just not run the risk and wear it all the time. I should. I love operative words.

It being almost August, I should really start on my marathon training. It is one of my new year’s resolutions, so I should really at least complete half of them. I’m worried though because of my shin. Randomly it’ll just start hurting. I promise I will go get it checked out. And I promise to run less hills than I was running in the past. They say you need 16 weeks to train for a marathon. Guess what? This weekend marks the start of week 1 of 16. And I haven’t gone to see the podiatrist yet. I should’ve done that last month. I should’ve.

New friends are good. However, it’s a complete feeling out process for the first few months. You have no idea where you stand with the others, and if you get a little bit too comfortable it might get uncomfortable. Sometimes I wonder about groups of friends. I have a hard time hanging out with one person from a group of friends, however when the group is together I feel just fine. Of course I could look deeper in to this, but I’m not going to.

Cutting your toenails is so weird. Think about the position you sit in when you cut your toenails. Some people do it ass on the ground, toes pointing away from them, chin on knee, arms reaching out, one to stabilize the toe and the other to cut. Sometimes I sit in a chair and cross my legs like a man (this is stupid, but I can cross them like a woman too) – but cross them a little bit further. Other times I do the same thing, but sit Indian style while on the floor. I was thinking about people who are very flexible. Or even contortionists. I bet they have a much easier time cutting their toe nails. In fact, I would wager that their feet are better cared for than an un-flexible person like myself since I’m sure they spend more time with their feet…closer to the proximity of their face at least. Or at a minimum they have the ability to just reach out and touch them at any point. Speaking of cutting your nails, I make it a point to cut my right nails first, since my left hand isn’t as skilled with the nail clippers – or skilled in general as my right hand. Therefore, I’m always leaving the easy stuff for last.

Nike’s Dri-Fit clothing is my favorite stuff right now. I just bought another shirt and I love it. The only down side about them is I “nip-out” in them. Because the fabric is so thin that you can see my giant pointy nipples. I heard that in the UK the longer your nipples are the sexier. Probably not true at all. Probably someone just making fun of me. And then when I got to the UK I’d just want to move back after they laughed at my long nipples. Yes, they are long. Freaking glass cutters. Anyway, Nike: Please make me an entire wardrobe based off of your Dri-Fit material. I am willing to pay a good amount. I understand that you make dressy golf polos, but where are the socks and pants? Some of us work during the day too. We can’t all be playing sports all the time.

I love Jim Cramer. He is on CNBC and is a stock guru. At first I was very skeptical of what he did. But now that I’m almost finished with “Real Money” and I’ve watched more of his show, “Mad Money”, I find him to be completely entertaining while he educates. I didn’t really want to pump him in my rando post, but I didn’t also want to spend 3 pages pumping him either. So here’s what you get President of Cramerica. A paragraph. You’ve helped out a lot of us little guys immensely. I hope to see your show still on in at least 3 years. I was planning on buying a bobble head for my desk because I don’t think many people know who he is at my work. And being “in the know” vs. people who have no idea what you’re talking about is an awesome feeling. Kind of like acorn socks.

Some POW (Pearls of Wisdom – Old school) from my Ninong Ramon from this weekend: “The large print giveth and the small print taketh away”. “Don’t work hard for your money, make your money work hard for you”. Words of advice from one of the richest people in my extended family. Not very helpful – since I knew this stuff already, but still from someone who’s been there done that – I’m not going to stop him if he wants to lend a guiding hand.

I am worried about earthquakes. So much so that I might call our insurance company tomorrow and see how much earthquake insurance is. Recently, there was a large earthquake in Japan, and within 3 days there was one in Oakland. For some reason I felt it was moving up the coast – and in all honesty I think the “big one” if we ever have it, could destroy this region. Seattle is built on top of old Seattle. Everything would crumble. And if I don’t have earthquake insurance, this investment that I’m sitting on right now could be worth nothing. Just thinking about what would happen if a huge earthquake hit us scares the heck out of me. It could possibly cripple all of Seattle. I am thinking Katrina-like disaster here…would we all end up in Vancouver BC or Portland? Would there be a mass exodus from Seattle while it was getting rebuilt? Could people ever come back to this area if they had lost loved ones? There are so many questions I’ve thought about because I honestly think we’ll have the big one soon here. And I’ve been through 2 puny earthquakes in my lifetime, and each time I was just amazed at how unprepared we all were…what makes me think we’ll do any better when something of real magnitude hits us…I’m not really sure how I’m going to end that sentence. Regardless, I hope/pray it doesn’t come within my lifetime. But just seeing that large earthquake in Japan followed by the one in Oakland just made me open my eyes a little bit to the possibility…Sometimes I feel like I can be lulled in to a sense of security when nothing bad happens for awhile…If earthquake insurance is $200 or less than it’ll be worth it for me. I should call…should.

Bare Buns Fun Run 2007

I streaked up Tiger Mountain with hundreds of other people.

And I was sober.

I got 3^rd place in the 20-29 group. I have no idea how I did that.

And it was awesome.

I’ve never felt so physically self-conscious and then within an hour felt completely fine.

And I was getting burnt.

The run was the hardest 5K I’ve ever done. Literally half of the run was basically straight uphill.

And I was tired.

It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. The nudist colony is definitely all older people.

And it’s too bad more young people aren’t as comfortable with their bodies. Or maybe they just didn’t know about it?

It was a lot of fun. I’m not sure if I’d ever do it again.

And an old fat woman wanted me to come back next year and the year after that. Gross.

Side story: One girl wrote on her body, “Happy Birthday!”. When asked who’s birthday it was, she replied, “It’s EVERYONE’S birthday! We’re all wearing our birthday suits!”

Totally weird, totally out there and at the same time totally refreshing. But not in the sweaty balls type refreshing.

It’s almost unfortunate that the weirdest day of this summer has now come and gone. Like all new experiences, the hours flew by.

I wanted to keep this short. I wanted to write down that I did it. Obviously I’ve got the shirt and 3^rd place plaque to prove it. But if I ever make a book of my life, I wanted this to be one of the pages. It’ll be hard to forget for sometime.

Now what next…

An Open Letter To Weeds

Weeds,

This is a letter written to you, to all of you, to cease and desist.

We’ve known each other for a long time. Back when I was 11 years old, I was introduced to your terrible attitudes, unwavering persistence and all the pain you cause. And for a time there, I didn’t mind at all. Because I was rewarded at the end of your lives. A movie. A dinner out. $10 to spend however I pleased.

But that was because my mom had experienced the hatred for too long. And had to pass that hatred along to me. For those summers, I went along with it, because Nintendo games, Magic cards and Janet Jackson’s CD can’t just wait for Christmas time. Money is something that I didn’t have, and you were part of the answer.

So I worked under the table. Pulling you. Digging you out.

Back then, my young back and arms could handle your de-beautification of our walkways and our flower beds. But today felt like the last straw.

Oh, and I know it won’t be. You thought you were getting off that easy? Maybe after two summers of experiencing my wrath you thought I would give up?

I know you’ll be back for more. And when you are, I’ll be just as unready and unwilling as I was today.

Now, the reward at the end of pain is gone. The only satisfaction I get from tearing your little legs out of the ground is just that. Knowing that in your little weed like ways, you’re screaming. But I can’t hear you. I can only hear the cool breeze on my neck while I think to myself, “Yeah! WHAT! Don’t you be comin’ back around now ya hear?” While I wrap both of my hands around your leaves and rip you apart. Piece by innocent piece.

And don’t think I don’t see your little white roots you weeds. Just like the snake – you only chop part of it off, it’ll grow back. No. I am going to dig my fingers in to the ground until I get every last inch of you. And yes, that’s you flying across the yard in to the blackberry bushes. To be strangled by thorns thrice your size or picked up by a bird and used to create a nest. I hope they shit on you. Oh, and make room for your mom, dad, and all your little brothers and sisters – your cousins too. Just like you did, they will all fall.

The weed and feed seems to be working somewhat. Or maybe it was that dry scorching heat that I haven’t given you any reprieve for. But today, you were easy. You were enjoyable. The ground couldn’t hold you down. It became dust. And I bet you saw that bag of fertilizer and thought that it meant that we were going to be feeding you. My my, were you ever so wrong. You browned out while my beautiful lush, green and controlled grass grew up strong all around you.

And what did you do? You tried your best to spread – to crawl like the coward you are. But you didn’t make it far enough, fast enough. And now you’ll be like a broken branch. Or the bones of someone 4 times my age. Dried, brittle and praying that God have mercy on your soul when you meet him.

For you, I can’t say. But for now, you’ve got at least 2 more months of scorching hot hell while you lay atop the canopy of what real plants should look like. I hope you serve as an example for your brethren. But you’re like me, I understand. You’re stubborn. And really, I know you can’t read so I have no idea how this letter will affect you at all.

But if could read this - just know for now. If you’re looking for a death wish, please be my guest and stop by. I promise I’ll make your stay as uncomfortable as possible. Just make it easy on both of us and die from fear.

Your death dealer and sworn life enemy,

Seth

The Losing Streak

Being the competitive person I am; I cannot win at all things, all the time. It wouldn’t be a competition if I didn’t lose some of the time. In fact, I consider myself a winner even though I’ve probably only won 60% of the things I normally compete in.

However, sometimes it gets out of hand.

Usually, it isn’t that bad. Maybe a week or two, and I’ve even experienced a little bit longer than a month long losing streak, but this one has become unbearable.

As of today, July 2^nd, 2007, I am currently looking at a losing streak of 2 months. Since the beginning of May I have lost everything I have played. I can’t win. I can’t piece it together. This is the worst losing streak I have ever experienced I believe in my entire life. I mean, sure I’ve been part of teams that have been defeated – as in didn’t win one game. But that was just one team. In other aspects of my life I was winning. But not in this streak. This streak is attacking everything that is me.

And before I go in to detail on each portion of how I am losing, I’d just like to talk about everything that goes with losing. Especially mentally and physically. Because I know these things about myself – but in order to change then – I’m not sure how to do so at this point.

And the reason I’m writing this? Is because until next Monday (unless something competitive arises before then – which I’m sure it will) I am on break from my current “major” sports right now: Softball and Basketball. The other reason was that I was part of a weekend – yesterday and the day before it – that basically solidified it’s standing of the worst losing streak I have ever experienced. Thank goodness for the holiday week and everyone wanting to take this week off. I’m not sure if I could take the beating any longer.

For those of you who have never experienced a losing streak – lucky for you. But for those of you who have, let me share part of what my experience is like. My whole mentality changes when I realize I’m in the midst of a streak. The realization starts about 3-4 days in after the initial loss.

Typically the first loss is the hardest one. Either an embarrassing blow out or a heart breaking buzzer beater defeat with the whole team riding on your shoulders to make that shot. It sticks with you. It keeps you up at night. If I had caught that ball we would’ve been going to the championship game. It angers you the next day at work. People on the team are nice to you, and nice to each other, but everyone knows who screwed up. And even then, it might not even be me. (I will admit to it being my fault that I let my entire team down in certain games – they still haunt me to this day).

But that mentality starts to drag on you. The next game you play you try extra hard not to screw up, but instead you just screw up worse. Things that came natural when you were not in your losing streak you are now fumbling with. Adjusting mechanics. Over thinking everything. Not being calm enough to wait back on that pitch…suddenly the basketball court is a foreign place to you and you feel completely lost.

You start every game expecting to lose. You know the refs and umps and everyone else and their mom is against you winning this game. You start to ask yourself what’s the point of even trying anymore – then it happens. The shoulders start to slump. The eyes glaze over. That competitive, passionate fire? Gone. And other players like yourself who can see this eat it up. They notice your body language and they start to dominate.

For me, it’s been one long swing of momentum all the way down to the sewer.

And the worst part of it is? The impending doom. You might be winning by a ridiculous amount. 12 points with 3 minutes to go in the game in basketball. 4 run lead at the bottom of the 7^th with no men on. 2^nd place in chip count with 7 people left before you’re in the money. A two touchdown lead with 7 minutes to play.

And then you start to feel it. The other team starts to surge. Suddenly shots that weren’t going in all game are now swishing from NBA range. You’ve got bases loaded from a single followed up by 2 back to back walks and now their two power hitters are up. You go card dead or start to play reckless. That long hailmary pass freakishly tips off of your fingers and in to your opponents for the touchdown. You let off the gas because you figure you’ve got the game in the bag.

It becomes a blur. The moment at which you can stick the dagger in to finish off your opponents is there for your taking but the killer instinct just isn’t kicking in. You frantically search for it and by the time you find it you’re looking up and the clock is reading 0:00. The ump is calling “Game”. People on the other team are high-fiving and not believing that they pulled off the comeback. And you’re shaking your head and wondering what just happened. What went wrong? And on your way home in your car you question everything. You try to find where you could’ve done better. And you promise yourself for next week you’ll do better.

And usually, you do. You do fine.

But not now. Not these past 2 months for me.

After starting the season with 4 straight wins, my basketball team has dropped 6 in a row. We have not changed the roster, I have not seen us play any more or any less talented teams. And yet, we just couldn’t put a win together. A majority of games we were close, and then we just let it slip out of our hands. And we got embarrassed in some of the games.

Before the losing streak, my softball team was 5-2. We ended the season with 6 straight losses to end the season at 5-8 including losing the “play-in” game to the team we were tied with for 4^th place. The team we had to beat to get in to the playoffs. And we couldn’t do it. Two of the must win games in order for us to avoid this “play-in” game we lost in the bottom of the 7^th inning. In those two weeks I experienced back to back walk-offs by the other team. As a competitor it is one of the hardest things to watch another team celebrate at home plate while you wait for them to shake hands and inform them that they played a “good game”.

Because really they didn’t. They didn’t play a good game. We just let them back in when we should’ve slammed the door shut.

And I think one thing people might not realize is that there is only 1 game per week for each of these sports. So if and when I lose, I have to wait a whole week to get back out there and hopefully “redeem” myself – but for those 7 long days I basically get to stew about how poorly I played.

I’ve tried poker unsuccessfully three times during this losing streak. Out of the three times I’ve played – they’ve all been tournaments and I’ve been close in 2 of them. 7 people out of 200 close. All I had to do was sit back and wait in order to make some nice amount of cash. But instead I wanted to take everyone out. And I got greedy. This was one of those times where I had the dagger in hand and I was just trying to end it for everyone in sight. In order to shut the door multiple times you have to open it back up too. And sure enough, I was gone in 17^th place.

And what solidified the losing streak? Flag football this weekend. The guys I’ve been playing with recently are a great group. Sadly enough, I’m one of the fastest out of the group, which should give me a nice advantage in the sport and should produce wins correct? Wrong. In the two games we played on Sunday the team I was on was ahead near the end of the game. And of course in both games the other team came back and won the game. And the kicker? I even switched teams (supposedly to the other team that beat me the first game) and we still lost. Stuff like this really wears on me because I can only point to myself and say, “I must be the reason that we lost”.

The sad thing is, I don’t feel I’ve hit rock bottom yet. Because as soon as I do – there is only one place to go from there. And although some of you who may be reading this might think this post is kind of ridiculous – I think it’s ridiculous to lose at so many different things for such a long period of time. Given the law of averages you have to win at least a PERCENTAGE of the time. But over the past two months? My win percentage has been a giant goose egg.

I’m really hoping that writing it out might fix things. But I’m sure it won’t. (See? Loser’s attitude). Even if I could just win at something I put at least 80% of my effort in to I’d feel so much better. For now though, I get to rest and wait until next Monday. God, Buddha, luck…something, anything help me out here please…this might ruin my “winning” life if it continues.