Random Notes - February

I really do hate these. Not really. I just don’t like to “title” most of my blog posts because that gives me the ability to free write. Really, I’d like to entitle this post, “A lame attempt at filling the month of February with at least 4 blog posts”. Because it is.

It’s hard to keep up with something I wrote last week that I consider some of my “top notch” stuff. I can’t always produce stuff like that. And the sad thing is, is that I’ve got 4 different drafts written for blogs I could post at any time, and they would make sense within my blog because I talk about random things, overblown-see-way-too-much-of-the-forest-for-the-laurels-you’re-looking-at
-outside-your-5’X4”-plexiglass-window-oh-my-gosh-I-think-this-is-your-longest
-run-on-ever.

So because of that, I need “cool down” sessions that don’t need any build up, or don’t need any explanation, or, I’m looking for another “or” here because 3 “or”s makes it look and read well. Bah.

So, for my sanity, I pull together a group of one liners, a post of magnificent insignificance.

I received my bonus today. Or I didn’t receive it, but I was given the paperwork that showed the amount that I would be getting along with my paycheck March 15^th. I also received how much my raise would be. For my bonus, we were given a “median” amount of 10.8%. Since I was one of the top performers in my group (I believe the top when all was said and done for the year) I expected a swing up to 14%. That was in the “perfect world”. Let’s just say that the “perfect world” got even more perfect. More perfect than I could imagine. And my face hurt from smiling for the next hour.

Here’s an idea: People like cash right? Most, sane, greedy capitalistic American pigs like cash. Want people to work hard for you? Pay them more than they expect. Surprise them. Don’t buy them pizza randomly. Don’t shower them with gift cards to gas stations 15 miles away from their homes. Don’t patronize them by giving them the “reward” of being able to wear jeans to work. Give them cash. Cold, hard, beautiful smelling cash. Direct deposited. Maybe actually handing the physical green backs to them? If my manager walked up to me and handed me $500 today and said, “Here you go, here’s some of your bonus”, I would be ecstatic. Much more than them telling me that I would get to wear jeans every day this year. Much more than them buying lunch for us for the next 3 months. Much more than getting new computers. Key words: Cash. Handed me. Much more.

Although I am VERY happy with what I’ve been given, I hate to point out a few things: I was told the bonus would be calculated based off of the overtime I had worked last year. It wasn’t. I am hoping (really crossing fingers…really only thinking this has a 10% shot of working) that what I was told last year by a previous manager will stand. We’ll see. I was also expecting a raise of 6% at a minimum. Guess what. I got what I expected. At a minimum. C’mon! Inflation was 2.5% last year! You’re only going to give me double the inflationary rate? 7-10% would make me much happier! How about just $300 extra? That’s all I really want. Make me a round number. I’ll be discussing this with the “higher ups” tomorrow. No trip report. Because this is all I’m going to mention on this topic.

I don’t like “waiting until this show is over” to do something. There is a reason I pay an extra $10 a month for DVR. It’s so that you can tape whatever rerun of “How do I look”/”What not to wear”/”Fashion police”/”Red Carpet Fashions”/”E! Daily 10”/”Hogan knows best”/"Extreme makeover"/"Dr. 90210" or whatever the fuck else your watching. If I ask you to do something 3 times that really means I need you to do it. The 3^rd time you should be running to do it. Shit, at most I only take asking twice don’t I? And it’s just TV. TV will be there when you’re/we’re done. The same shit. Different time. Nothing new learned (unless you’re watching for educational purposes – LAUGH)

When I ask you something, I am looking for a “Yes” or “No” answer. Do you? Or do you not? In my book there are no, “Perhaps, Maybes, or We’ll sees”. Why let people hang on? What kind of shitty game are you trying to pull? Just let people know you’re intentions and quit fucking with them and especially wasting their time/energy. Sometimes I wish I surrounded myself with more decisive people. I strive to provide a good example by telling people up front, “Yes I can” or “No, I can’t”. I’d expect the same sort of treatment in the future.

Do people not update their blogs because their life is uninteresting? Or because they have nothing to write about? Or maybe they don’t write very well? Or so they think? Or maybe it’s just another one of those “I’ll start one but never keep up with it – ever” type deals. *sigh*

Alan Greenspan says that recession is coming. Makes sense. 4 years riding the Bull, gotta get eaten by the Bear sometime. Should be interesting times this summer as far as the market is concerned. Also, all the sub prime lenders and those defaulting on those sub prime loans (way to go America – land of the material wealth in trade for debt to income ratios of 1,000 to 1!) are all getting butt hurt right now – and it’s only going to get worse.

I just realized today that my mom is very healthy and probably won’t be out of my life until I’m at least 55. That is, unless she gets some sort of terminal cancer or something. I pray to God not. However, knowing that she’ll be around for a good 30 more years (again, very good chance of this, but no harm in hoping for the best right?) makes me feel very good and safe. Mama’s boy? Probably. I can’t say the same for my dad since he’s had health issues over the past 8 years, but I think no matter what, he’s lived an excellent life. I’d be very happy if my dad got another 20 years. (My dad is 59 and my mom is 49)

Kind of weird and morbid to think about this kind of stuff…but, I’m more weird than anything I guess…or a lot more realistic than a lot of other people who just, “Don’t want to discuss that sort of thing”.

For those of you following my “sports betting blog” it’s now finished. Sportsbook.com for some reason feels the need to charge me $30 to deposit and withdraw my money. The kid who gambles MAYBE $500 a year on sports? You’re going to charge me 10% to play? Isn’t taking my money when I lose enough? BOO on you. Until I find a new sportsbook that doesn’t charge me, that blog will be dead. Maybe I’ll change it to my investment blog? Now there’s an idea…

Having to pee in the morning is terrible. I wake up at 5:40 am. That’s the time my alarm goes off. However, I usually get up around 4:00 am to 4:50 am because I have to pee. I drink a lot of water before I go to bed. So usually I try to stay up as late as possible (or at least until I am tired) so that I don’t have to pee early in the morning. If I get less than 7 hours and 15 minutes of sleep, I feel great the next day (unless I only got 4 hours), and I sleep all the way through to 5:40 am the next morning. However, if I do end up getting even close to 8 hours of sleep, surely I’ve got to piss by 5:00 am. But I don’t.

I’m lazy, and I roll around in bed, squeezing my bladder, thinking, "if I just push my body pillow against the in question parts it'll stop the urge and flow", and trying to go back to sleep. And I get in this “half sleep” where I think of the day ahead of me, what I’m going to wear, what I’m going to eat for lunch, if I’ve got any meetings, if I’m going to pack clothes to lift at the gym after work…all the time, angry at my weak bladder. Sometimes I have enough of the urge to go that I just get up and I can fall right back asleep after releasing. But sometimes, it’s just on the verge. Like the time you just drank that 20 ounce Sprite at the theater during the opening scene and now…dangit – you’ve got to hold it for the rest of the movie. Theatre for you Canadians or "cooler than thou" Google employees.

This is my life. I’m so glad I’m getting this stuff out. My dream is to read it years from now and laugh at my ridiculous self. And on that note, good night.

Lent and Self Over-Analysis

Well, today is Fat Tuesday. Some people are getting drunk. Others are getting fat…ter. Some just gave up on their new year’s resolution. Others are disappointed in the way their Valentine’s day went. Some are angry that others got the day off for a non-holiday. Some people, including me, laughed hysterically at a President’s day sale at Levitz’s commercial that included a Levitz truck backing up to the front door of the White House and our President, fearless leader and commander, repeatedly saying the word “So-fa”. (I searched for about 2 minutes for a link for everyone, but if you missed it, sorry. Definitely the best commercial since I’ve seen the Superbowl – not that there were that many good commercials anyway).

So even though I’m not Catholic (really, do I know what I am? This question is obviously meant for many many many more blog posts) I still “occasionally” celebrate Lent. It’s fun to give up stuff you think you need and test your will power. Burgers. Alcohol. Gambling. I’ve done it before. And I won’t go in to all that mumbo-jumbo over what Lent is and how it came about. Everyone reading this either should A) Know what it is B) Know how to run a google search C) Side note – with the appearance of sites like Wikipedia and ehow.com will anyone within walking distance of an internet connection ever have the ability to ask an actual question (that obviously has an answer) without being responded to with an annoyed, “I don’t know, why don’t you GOOGLE it?”

I’m afraid for our generation. All of our technological advances, and rarely can I find someone refreshing that has anything to say anymore (go figure, I’m writing in my blog instead of yucking it up over a beer – yum beer)

After much run around, let’s get to part of my point. I am giving up impatience for lent. Should lent be capitalized? My spell/grammar check doesn’t come up with anything. I prefer it capitalized, like God, even though the jury is still out on whether or not a higher power(s) really do(es) exist.

After much stress over the past year of me wanting to fast forward to next year, to next week, to the next paycheck, to next May, to the next 3 day weekend per pointless holiday (but a good cause for a great furniture commercial!) I am starting to realize that it’s all going to come in due time. There’s no point in wanting to rush it because it will come. I’ll be here. Even though I was slated to die by 25 (and even I thought this and still 35% of me does – yes, you read that right. I am honestly 35% scared I will die in the next 7 weeks) I don’t think I will. I think I’ll be that old angry bastard that outlives everyone. And has memories to prove it.

Now here’s where the “over analysis” section of this post comes in. Don’t you like how I make sure to partially stay on topic? I was obviously a terrible essay writer in college/high school/junior high…not really though.

I am part of a generation that cannot be defined. Sometimes for fun though, I like to label my peers. I like to label myself. Again, for fun. Because sometimes, it just fits.

And in doing so, I’ve come up with a few things in relation to my desire to give up impatience for the next few weeks. And that is that I feel that I am a part of two groups. One is the “instant gratification” group. Everyone knows this. Everything is so much faster. Everything is so much more accessible. Shit, I wanted to go buy Jim Cramer’s book tonight. Hell, I could do it online right now with the gift card I won for being such a “good little employee” in the 4^th quarter. And with that money, I could have it shipped overnight to make sure a FedEx (love the logo BTW guys) truck is ringing my doorbell tomorrow by 3 pm.

OR, I’ve got my car. I’ve got my gift card. Barnes and Noble is open I believe until at least 10 pm. I could’ve taken 25 minutes out of life, driven down and picked it up. Anything I want. Anytime I want. As long as I have the desire, it is mine. I can’t even imagine what it was like for people back in the 50s to wait for a letter from family. Within an hour of a baptism I can see pictures of my Godson (notice G) and forward it along to everyone that was there. Imagine how long it would take me to send 1 picture to one of my cousins in NYC via Pony Express? Hell, some Indians might even shoot the damn carrier down if he got unlucky (not that I know this occurred in the past, just trying to make some light of the situation, err dark?)

And not that there’s any problem with this. For the most part, I like the availability. My dream in this area is to have everything open 24 hours. I need to know that if I have a craving for a sandwich from Fred Meyer on a Wednesday morning at 2:23 AM that they’ll be there for me (unfortunately they’re not and probably due to FDA regulation bullshit they have to take all the food that isn’t purchased and chuck it).

But the thing is, all this speed, and all the availability leads to burn out. This leads me to my 2^nd point label of my generation as the “everything sucks” generation. Things are hot for a MAXIMUM of 5 years. I think even that lifecycle is getting shorter and shorter. Think of things since you were 13. Tell me how many of them are still “cool”. Even things that lasted longer than 5 years still fell off. Still struggled after that 5 year breaking point. Things grow for 5 years, things are “hot” for 5 years while the speed carries everything around and then it sucks. Suddenly just that 1 extra person found out about Jason Mraz and now he sucks. He’s overplayed. He’s not as talented as I once thought he was. Please, by all means use MySpace as an example. Heck, use this blogger. I guarantee within 5 years traffic on both of these sites will be cut in at least half.

The backlash within the “everything sucks” generation is tremendous. The hatred with which the American public/media can come at a celebrity could be unbearable. I’m amazed that more of them don’t go absolutely berserk or commit suicide. Most celebrities/things just fall away and then are discussed 9 years later through coworkers with the discussion ending in “No, Angelica Huston played that creepy metal thing with weird arms in Captain EO, here, look at the link to Wikipedia” (and your coworker emails you the link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Captain_EO)

So how does this all pertain to me? A good portion of our debt will be done May of 2008. That’s roughly 1 year and 2 months away. We’ve already finished about 20% of it…all obviously on no interest financing (I feel very smart for doing this) and it feels good to be done with part of it. I’ve gotten a little “taste” for what it feels like to have some cash just floating around, smiling at you and saying, “How would you like to spend or invest me today?”

And just the thought of knowing that raises will come. Tax returns will grow. Equity in our home will build. Bonuses and stock options will be given. Knowledge about everything will multiply. Memories will be made and shared. Life will change for the better. The future looks so bright, I want it to be here now. I see things like stocks from China going up 97% over the past 2 months. And I think to myself, if this had been 5 years down the road and I had had $50K invested it would now be $100K…and how suddenly dreams of being a millionaire…a multi millionaire…aren’t so far away.

And I can’t wait. Because waiting sucks. Remember, if I don’t get my “instant gratification” then “everything sucks”. But tonight, when searching for something to give up for Lent, this is what I came up with. I can wait. The next year will be great. Heck, we’re only 3 months away from the beginning of warmer temperatures. And I shouldn’t be pushing through each day, killing to get to 7-10 years down the road. I’m newly married, in a year I’ll be surrounded in more liquid funds than I’ve ever seen in my entire life and really won’t know what to do with it. Here’s praying at the least I’m smart about it. And if you’re thinking to yourself that I may be a little obsessed with money, that is probably true, but to me, it’s really the only worry I’ve got on my mind right now. And honestly, I feel extremely lucky to be saying that.

But until the weekend, until next may, until retirement and beyond, each day is working towards that point. And I want to make it a point for this Lent season to stop a little bit when I start to feel myself rushing. To take a deep breath when I notice my daydreaming start to excite me about my future. To take Wednesday for what it’s worth and not wish I could be at Friday already. There’s a reason I’m here tonight writing this and a reason as to why I’ve got to sit through another 3 days until I’ve got another weekend. I should be savoring this time instead of wishing I was further along. I don’t want to look back at 40 and say I wish I hadn’t hurried so much.

Now is a great time for me to take advantage of my situation. The anticipation of what’s to come is just icing on the cake of what is the present.

And jokingly, for those that really don’t know what Lent is: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lent (link is serious)

Bittersweet Symphony + Extraordinary

"I'm tired of being ordinary".

Someone told me this once. Complaining that their lives were sham. That there was no point.

That what they did on a day to day basis made no difference whatsoever. That if suddenly they were to die, sure their small group of friends, family and acquaintances would all miss them and die, but what would their legacy to the human race be? None really.

"Well do something that makes you extraordinary then."
"Like what?"
"I dunno."

On the road home, stuck in 50 minutes of traffic for 12 miles...a song came on the radio that absolutely spoke to me.

And I know it has spoken to me for sometime. It just didn't come through as clear as it did that June afternoon. 92 degrees and hundreds of cars in front of me...stuck.

Trying to make ends meet
You're a slave to money
Then you die

I'll take you down the only road
I've ever been down

All struggling to get home. Faces on hands. Listening to the radio.

Just to be home to sit on the couch and watch the TV.

Well at least, for most, it's a lot easier than "work". It's a lot more comfortable than sitting in your business casual and crappy office chairs from the 80's.

And you're free to do what you'd like at home. I guess that's the comfort of it.

But how do we all continue on? How do you find purpose in your life? Are the distractions of "shiny objects" or the daily rumors about so called "celebrities" enough for you to hold on to?

Sure, those with children, I can understand. You have children. You have lives that are your responsibility. I can see the purpose in a parent's eyes.

But what about me? Where does my purpose come from? No other lives truly depend on mine. And the difference I make in this world when I'm all said and done will be very little, if at all any.

So what. I want to be extraordinary. How I become "extraordinary" is up to me though. And that's the tough part. I want to be a good force in this world. I want to do more good for it than I do harm. And I just want that to be a portion of who I am, because no matter what, I have to be selfish in the end. Even though I feel like I've got to take care of things outside of my control, I've also got to take care of myself. And making myself a better person doesn't immediately translate in to making this world a better place.

And it's all "wants" and there's very little "do"s. And that's why this is my blog. Because I get to write things out on paper that I've been thinking of. How punching a clock makes me really sick sometimes. But how other people are going through the same thing and somehow they push on day after day. Yet, some people never have this same realization that I do. And that I have this feeling every couple of months...

But I'm doing just fine. A change isn't required. Most people would say I was doing better than fine. But sometimes good enough isn't good enough for me. Ugh, I've been thinking too much today.

Happy President's Day.

Running and Goals

I’m not sure what happened to me.

I’ve been a runner ever since cross country in high school, but ever since high school I’ve been running sporadically. Maybe once a week during the summer, and not at all during the winter.

I figured I had enough running with the long hours I used to spend at the IMA playing basketball. And I was fit. So it’s not like I needed the extra workout. But then alcohol came along. And Dick’s at 3 in the morning, or maybe A pizza mart. Extravagant (not really) trips to whistler that included eating out every 4 hours on top of a drink with every meal. Work. Work happened.

And somewhere along the line, I went from being a “skinny” 190 lb kid to a “beer bellied” 205 lb guy. And I know. I know it’s not that big of a difference. I know that people would look at that and say, “Well I know X guy who’s gained 100 lbs since high school”. But I’m not that guy.

So I set a few goals for myself. By 2008 I will be dunking with at least 1 hand. I’m working on my vertical leap (I only need to add about 3 inches – sounds a lot easier than it actually is) and I want to run the Seattle Marathon. What the fuck, this will be my “quarter life crisis” since I’ll be turning 25 in April anyway. Run 26 miles to bring on the 26^th year in my life? Sure. Sounds like a good idea.

What started it all: I’m back in the gym. Sports is the reason why I work out. Some people work out to look good. Others just do it just because it’s “something to do”. Some people set resolutions for themselves to “lose weight this year” but I wonder the percentage of people still sticking to their resolution by March 15^th? This is partly the reason I stayed away from the gym for most of January…to avoid the “non-regulars” the “seasonals” as I like to call them.

With Michelle introducing back in to organized basketball in the Boeing league, I’ve got a reason to be in shape. I don’t want to be the guy getting left when someone charges hard from 25 feet out to the key. I don’t want to be the guy, during playoffs that’s bent over on the bench, almost about to puke from running so hard. I’ll admit, our team isn’t in the top division, but even in the lower divisions over the past 2 seasons (past 2 quarters) we’ve barely been about .500. I’ve wanted that to change. I’ve wanted our team to run hard, play tough D and win. I don’t claim to be the reason we’ve done so well this season, but I’ve felt much better during our games and we’re off to our best start ever, 4-0.

Running is an interesting thing for me. It’s like “optional work”. I don’t know if anyone feels like I do almost every morning, but every morning I wake up, I say to myself, “I don’t really want to go to work, but I have to.” So I do. With running, it’s completely my choice. Maybe I should say it’s more like a college class. I don’t really have to go if I don’t want to, but wouldn’t I feel better about spending my time learning in the class room setting taking advantage of the money that was spent to pay for that tuition?

Just getting started is the hardest part. Gathering up my running clothes, getting changed, setting up my nike+ (my new favorite toy!)…and mainly just having so many different excuses to not go running is the hardest part about running. Getting out and going there. And when my schedule isn’t the same every week, that makes it tough too. The schedule is this: Lift at least twice a week. Run at least twice a week. Basketball once a week.

The problem with the schedule? There’s no set time or dates for any of it. It’s all very “free form” because it is my “free time”. I just wish I could have that feeling every time I finished. I wished I could know that feeling immediately as I began running. That feeling of accomplishment. The feeling that I pushed myself.

And it’s weird, because I know that feeling. I’ve felt it many times. It’s just having that desire to get to that point that holds me up.

But once I get started (when I do get started) that 30 minutes of running that I do is great. The first 10 minutes I usually spend clearing my head. I’ve constantly got about 3-4 things on my mind. Bills I’ve got to pay. Jobs I’ve got to apply for. Something mean that someone emailed to me and why it affected me emotionally…But once I hit that 5-10 minute mark, it’s clear. My mind is “clean” for lack of a better way to describe it. My focus suddenly shifts.

It shifts to my breathing. The rhythmic in and out of my breath. My foot strikes. Am I using too much toe? Am I rolling my left foot from in to out too much? What’s my speed like right now?

By the end of my run, my focus turns to muscles burning. Which muscles are hurting me right now? My calves, my thighs…can’t stop now…more than halfway finished…here comes the hill, push hard until the top and then you can coast down the back end. This is me hustling to the ball faster than them. This is me out lasting them. What was that sound? Imagine that dog barking is chasing you…run faster…

It’s all very weird self-talk shit that I put myself through. You get a lot of silence (I don’t listen to music when running) when you’re out there on the road in 30 degree weather by yourself for 30 minutes. My neighbors probably think I’m crazy because I typically end my runs with a half-sprint where I come in to our cul-de-sac looking half dead and stripping off my clothes while stretching out.

But I love it. And the fact that it’s good for my body makes it all the better. If I could just help other people with my running, people in need, it would be the perfect act. Wait, I can run marathons and have people sponsor me per mile to donate to good causes right? My life is over…

The idea of running a marathon – and doing well, not having the ambulance drive me across the line as many have proposed – seems like a very daunting task. I was reading up about training for it and some of the web sites suggested running 10 miles in the morning, 10 miles at night. TEN MILES. My normal run right now is 3.2 miles, and that’s still a bit tough for me. My hope was to build up to 10 miles by this summer, have the ability to run 10 miles and just GO, and then do that every other day during the week. After running those every other day, I want to run the full marathon amount (~27 miles) over the weekend.

But just thinking about that makes me kind of freak out. 27 miles? Seriously? I don't think I've ever run that far over 10 miles...and that was in High School...

And I was thinking today about caloric intake. 27 miles would be more than 4 hours straight of running. Right now I run 3.2 miles in 30 minutes and burn 500 calories. Multiply that by 8 and you've got a burn of 4000 calories. A dieter's dream...so I was asking my doctor today (I got a physical) and she said that my "body would adjust" and would try to balance out everything I was burning.

Just for that fact alone, I am interested to see how I do at running 27 miles. And I've got 9 months and counting to properly train. Everyone's been telling me that I need at least a year to train properly. I think that I can usually accomplish tasks (when I dedicate myself to them) at a much faster rate than the average person...

I hope I don't get hurt/injured...