That's it.
It's gone.
What little ounce left of holiday cheer and Christmas spirit is gone.
And I knew it was gone when we watched, "Mickey's Christmas Carol" tonight and at the end everyone had that happy smile on their face when Tiny Tim gets picked up by Scrooge and then I turned to the people there and said, "Just your standard liberal propaganda." It got a couple laughs, but I was serious about it. I followed up with, "You know, this kind of stuff is meant for kids. You gotta get 'em started early."
And with that, I heard Santa sigh a little bit. Baby Jesus' cry was muffled and the Star of David turned slightly dull.
Another adult lost to the mentality of "Just another day on the calendar".
How did I get here? I used to be so excited about Christmas. And ever since that one special Christmas eve night (almost 10 years ago now), it's just become cheapened for me.
How I got here:
A) Commercialization of Christmas. Constantly trying to find the perfect gift for everyone. And knowing it'll never happen. And not getting gifts for people I know are going to get me gifts. And looking at a lot of my gifts and saying, "This is going to be a re-gift". As a kid I was definitely excited to get toys and money. But now? There is nothing I want that I don't already have. There is nothing that could really be bought for me (that someone could realistically afford) that would have actual meaning to me (other than an inside joke or something of that sort). I suppose it doesn't help that the "recession" word has been on everyone's lips for the past month.
B) Lack of spirituality. When I was younger I'd go to every single advent candle lighting. We'd have an advent calendar. I'd go down to Saint Marks because they had special Christmas season programs for the monks. I loved caroling, and even to this day I still enjoy Christmas music. On that last special Christmas, there was a hokey retelling of the birth of Jesus in our standing room only sanctuary. Where the light from an angel was a youngster willing to climb a ladder and shine a flash light down on a baby. On that Christmas the bell that rang at midnight to mark the change from Christmas eve to Christmas I felt to my core. It's an odd thing to say, but that night I felt like God was there, hugging us all. But no more. After almost 10 years of going to the midnight service, which I have continued to see dwindle every year in attendance since then (or maybe because the sanctuary is just too big and cold now) I am actually debating on going. If someone had asked me 5 years ago, there was no question I was going to be there. "This is a holiday tradition!" I would've scoffed. I have talked about living a balanced life a lot on this blog. I feel that this is one of the main things I am missing.
C) A combination of the holidays sneaking up on me and the routine just being that - routine. Being in Charleston until Halloween did not help my holiday attitude. I feel as if someone picked me up out of September and dumped me off in to the middle of December. There has been so much that has happened the past 2 months that I don't feel like I've had the chance to really settle in. And because of that, spending time with old friends and family just doesn't seem as interesting as it used to. Heck, we'll even have a white Christmas this December and instead of rekindling my childlike joy I curse the snow for screwing up the roads. I don't know how people like me put up the facade during family times, but I've done it pretty well. Or maybe not, of course no one's going to mention that they can see right through me. Hopefully they can't.
So there you go. Ba Humbug. To completely deflate myself on the way home tonight I said, "You know, if I was given the opportunity to work on Christmas, I'd put in at least 10 hours. I'd rather take the holiday pay. Heck, they're making me work on Christmas eve anyway."
It's just another day on the calendar. Nothing special. And why we put so much emphasis on that day to actually make it feel special just sets people like me up for this kind of failure later on in life.
I'll just be in the back corner counting my gold coins. Tap me on the shoulder in February when all of this holiday crap has passed. And until then you can call me Ebenezer.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Sunday, December 14, 2008
The Obligatory New Years Post
This time, before New Years!
Go figure.
I had time to write, so I wanted to put up something. Those that write blogs - ever notice that reading other people's blogs makes you want to write in yours?
It does for me. Sometimes.
And the fact that I have tomorrow off (hah in your face Monday!) I don't feel it's right to let Sunday night go so easily. Sunday nights are such a good time to write - or read. Good time to sit and reflect back on the week, or the month, or anything at all, before the cycle starts again.
And actually reading through my last new year's post gave me the impetus to write this years. I wanted to do it early for some reason. I wanted to get in in there before too much changed next year. Because of all the talk of change for 2009, I think my life will change. Not that it hasn't every year that I've been on this Earth.
So, like my January post from this year, let's recap what's been 2008, and see the things I was able to accomplish and not accomplish from what I resolved to do this year.
First off, 2008 in a nutshell:
-Made it past 25. I still exist. I am alive. I am healthy. As long as I have my health, everything is just fine.
-Made my motorcycle lesson appointment for this summer. Those never came to fruition. But I could taste it. The charge for the lessons even hit my credit card, cleared, and I paid for them. Only for them to be refunded. Yes, doing this was that big of a deal for me that it deserved a "dash".
-I've seen so many things this year. In my last new year's post I wrote that 2008 would be the "Year of Seth". It has been. I have never in my life experienced so many new things, seen so many sights, traveled the world. I drove from Seattle to Charleston and back. Here are the states I either saw, or actually stayed in: Idaho, Montana, South Dakota, Iowa, Nebraska, Kansas, Missouri, Illinois, Kentucky, Tennessee, North Carolina, South Carolina. On the way back we drove through the South and I saw Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, California, Oregon and finally back home to Washington. And that was just on the drive down to Charleston and back.
We also took a vacation and drove up the East Coast to New York. I can now say I've seen a good majority of the lower 48. And this country is amazing. And beautiful. I love road trips. A day of driving 10 hours doesn't seem bad to me any longer.
-I saw the sights in Europe over 2 ridiculous weeks. England, Germany, Italy, Netherlands, France, Austria, Switzerland. I'm probably forgetting something, but I stopped looking at a map after listing off all the states.
-Charleston. Beautiful, gorgeous, laid back Charleston. I loved it there. I miss it every day and lived almost the perfect life there. What an opportunity. I don't think I've written enough about it...so maybe I'll put up at least one more post dedicated solely to South Carolina.
Unfortunately I failed at a few things I resolved to do in 2008 because of our short term relocation. Those include: Not getting more defined abs. Sorry, people drink down there, and I had to try everything. Not just the booze, but the food too. Starting my MBA. Just wasn't going to happen while I was out of state. Unfortunately I'm not one of those online degree types.
-Run a marathon: Nope
-Earn 35% returns in the market: Hah, more like 3% (but still not losing!)
-Make more to-do lists: Na-uh
-Don't whine/complain as much: Yes! Completed!
-More driven at work/Search for other opportunities: It will be hard to top 2008 for me. I've also been involved in a few interviews this year. Add another point for me.
-Don't go to Vegas: Only 2 weeks left in the year and no plane ticket! Winner winner chicken dinner.
-Don't drink so much that I vomit: Still happening.
-Go get a pedicure: Yes, we did that for a July 4th celebration...to celebrate our independence from bad feet? I guess.
And that, in so many words, was my 2008. What a great year. If I wasn't coming out of such a gloom over the pats few weeks for coming home and then promptly getting sick, then it would look much better than it does right now.
So what's on the table for 2009. Lots. Every day is filled with plans (albeit not big) but still I will be doing at least something every day of 2009 just like I have every day of my life.
Things from 2008 I didn't accomplish that I want to in 2009:
-Start my MBA. I am planning on taking the GMAT this spring and planning to apply (and hopefully be accepted somewhere respectable - most likely Seattle University) in the fall. This is of course assuming I don't somehow get relocated again.
-After watching "The Dark Knight" this weekend, one of my resolutions for 2009 will be to be more like Batman. This entails a lot: Getting rich(er). Signing up for some form of martial arts training (I'm thinking Judo would be fun?). Signing up for those motorcycle lessons again.
-I give myself 2 nights of vomiting due to drunkenness. Why? Because 3 is too many, and 2 gives me just enough leeway to screw up at least once. This is a goal I failed miserably in 2008.
-Sports related goals: I always put up the dunk one, but I think that's out of reach now. I'll work on something more manageable. 1) Working on my short range jumpers for bball. I can shoot from the outside, I can post up and I can drive. Only one thing is missing. 2) Golf. I've got the power but I lack control. It's tough to hit a ball 250 yards if you can't find it. 3) Play raquetball for the first time ever. 4) Go to a Silvertips and Storm game. Neither of which I have been to. Possibly go down to Portland and catch a Blazers game?
-Be less cheap. I'm constantly calculating the cost of things. And what I could save if I just removed "X" out of my life. I'm doing a good job saving. I should worry less because all that saving won't do me any good if I can't enjoy it because I live a shortened life due to stress.
-Pray more. I thought I wrote this in my last new year's resolution but I didn't see it there. I think I might have written it in another post this year. That is something that I have accomplished in 2008, but I've noticed I only pray when I really want something. I'd like to expand my praying and definitely make it less selfish. I have always felt that living a balanced life was the key and the spiritual side of things has definitely been lacking recently.
-Experience more outside of my comfort zone. I am attracted to things that I've done before, because I know what to expect, and I go back to things that I like. I'm an alright fan of country, but I've never been to a concert before. I've never been to a metal or punk show before. What about the ballet? There are so many fantastic things to see and do near where I live. In Charleston I did everything in my power to go out and try new things because I knew I probably would never be able to live there again. And being given that ability to try something new every weekend if not every day was amazing. One of the many reasons that South Carolina was unforgettable for me.
-Go to Vegas. It's been 3 years. My hiatus is over.
That's good enough for now.
2008 has been such a great year for me. Sadly, I can't see how 2009 can be better but I'm going to try.
Hopefully around this time next year I can put check marks next to the entire list I've made for myself instead of just some of them. Until then, it'll be one day at a time.
Go figure.
I had time to write, so I wanted to put up something. Those that write blogs - ever notice that reading other people's blogs makes you want to write in yours?
It does for me. Sometimes.
And the fact that I have tomorrow off (hah in your face Monday!) I don't feel it's right to let Sunday night go so easily. Sunday nights are such a good time to write - or read. Good time to sit and reflect back on the week, or the month, or anything at all, before the cycle starts again.
And actually reading through my last new year's post gave me the impetus to write this years. I wanted to do it early for some reason. I wanted to get in in there before too much changed next year. Because of all the talk of change for 2009, I think my life will change. Not that it hasn't every year that I've been on this Earth.
So, like my January post from this year, let's recap what's been 2008, and see the things I was able to accomplish and not accomplish from what I resolved to do this year.
First off, 2008 in a nutshell:
-Made it past 25. I still exist. I am alive. I am healthy. As long as I have my health, everything is just fine.
-Made my motorcycle lesson appointment for this summer. Those never came to fruition. But I could taste it. The charge for the lessons even hit my credit card, cleared, and I paid for them. Only for them to be refunded. Yes, doing this was that big of a deal for me that it deserved a "dash".
-I've seen so many things this year. In my last new year's post I wrote that 2008 would be the "Year of Seth". It has been. I have never in my life experienced so many new things, seen so many sights, traveled the world. I drove from Seattle to Charleston and back. Here are the states I either saw, or actually stayed in: Idaho, Montana, South Dakota, Iowa, Nebraska, Kansas, Missouri, Illinois, Kentucky, Tennessee, North Carolina, South Carolina. On the way back we drove through the South and I saw Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, California, Oregon and finally back home to Washington. And that was just on the drive down to Charleston and back.
We also took a vacation and drove up the East Coast to New York. I can now say I've seen a good majority of the lower 48. And this country is amazing. And beautiful. I love road trips. A day of driving 10 hours doesn't seem bad to me any longer.
-I saw the sights in Europe over 2 ridiculous weeks. England, Germany, Italy, Netherlands, France, Austria, Switzerland. I'm probably forgetting something, but I stopped looking at a map after listing off all the states.
-Charleston. Beautiful, gorgeous, laid back Charleston. I loved it there. I miss it every day and lived almost the perfect life there. What an opportunity. I don't think I've written enough about it...so maybe I'll put up at least one more post dedicated solely to South Carolina.
Unfortunately I failed at a few things I resolved to do in 2008 because of our short term relocation. Those include: Not getting more defined abs. Sorry, people drink down there, and I had to try everything. Not just the booze, but the food too. Starting my MBA. Just wasn't going to happen while I was out of state. Unfortunately I'm not one of those online degree types.
-Run a marathon: Nope
-Earn 35% returns in the market: Hah, more like 3% (but still not losing!)
-Make more to-do lists: Na-uh
-Don't whine/complain as much: Yes! Completed!
-More driven at work/Search for other opportunities: It will be hard to top 2008 for me. I've also been involved in a few interviews this year. Add another point for me.
-Don't go to Vegas: Only 2 weeks left in the year and no plane ticket! Winner winner chicken dinner.
-Don't drink so much that I vomit: Still happening.
-Go get a pedicure: Yes, we did that for a July 4th celebration...to celebrate our independence from bad feet? I guess.
And that, in so many words, was my 2008. What a great year. If I wasn't coming out of such a gloom over the pats few weeks for coming home and then promptly getting sick, then it would look much better than it does right now.
So what's on the table for 2009. Lots. Every day is filled with plans (albeit not big) but still I will be doing at least something every day of 2009 just like I have every day of my life.
Things from 2008 I didn't accomplish that I want to in 2009:
-Start my MBA. I am planning on taking the GMAT this spring and planning to apply (and hopefully be accepted somewhere respectable - most likely Seattle University) in the fall. This is of course assuming I don't somehow get relocated again.
-After watching "The Dark Knight" this weekend, one of my resolutions for 2009 will be to be more like Batman. This entails a lot: Getting rich(er). Signing up for some form of martial arts training (I'm thinking Judo would be fun?). Signing up for those motorcycle lessons again.
-I give myself 2 nights of vomiting due to drunkenness. Why? Because 3 is too many, and 2 gives me just enough leeway to screw up at least once. This is a goal I failed miserably in 2008.
-Sports related goals: I always put up the dunk one, but I think that's out of reach now. I'll work on something more manageable. 1) Working on my short range jumpers for bball. I can shoot from the outside, I can post up and I can drive. Only one thing is missing. 2) Golf. I've got the power but I lack control. It's tough to hit a ball 250 yards if you can't find it. 3) Play raquetball for the first time ever. 4) Go to a Silvertips and Storm game. Neither of which I have been to. Possibly go down to Portland and catch a Blazers game?
-Be less cheap. I'm constantly calculating the cost of things. And what I could save if I just removed "X" out of my life. I'm doing a good job saving. I should worry less because all that saving won't do me any good if I can't enjoy it because I live a shortened life due to stress.
-Pray more. I thought I wrote this in my last new year's resolution but I didn't see it there. I think I might have written it in another post this year. That is something that I have accomplished in 2008, but I've noticed I only pray when I really want something. I'd like to expand my praying and definitely make it less selfish. I have always felt that living a balanced life was the key and the spiritual side of things has definitely been lacking recently.
-Experience more outside of my comfort zone. I am attracted to things that I've done before, because I know what to expect, and I go back to things that I like. I'm an alright fan of country, but I've never been to a concert before. I've never been to a metal or punk show before. What about the ballet? There are so many fantastic things to see and do near where I live. In Charleston I did everything in my power to go out and try new things because I knew I probably would never be able to live there again. And being given that ability to try something new every weekend if not every day was amazing. One of the many reasons that South Carolina was unforgettable for me.
-Go to Vegas. It's been 3 years. My hiatus is over.
That's good enough for now.
2008 has been such a great year for me. Sadly, I can't see how 2009 can be better but I'm going to try.
Hopefully around this time next year I can put check marks next to the entire list I've made for myself instead of just some of them. Until then, it'll be one day at a time.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Fantasy Football
*deep breath*
Yes, I actually for the first time searched my own blog to make sure I hadn't already written something about this. Sad.
For the first time this year, I am playing in more than 2 leagues. 3 to be exact. I know what you're thinking, wow big jump. Big woop.
But I can't wrap my head around it.
Around this pressure. Late at night, when I should be tired, I'm looking through player lists. Reading injury reports. Seeing how Santana Moss plays outdoor away games on turf in 20 to 40 degree weather.
Seriously?
And how much financially is this all worth? Because that's the the bottom line right? Am I not always pushing that aspect of things?
I am in 2 of my leagues with my wife.
Those league buy ins are $10 and $20. So multiply those by two and you get $60 total.
And I have one league that I am in on my own for $30.
Add all of those up and you come up with $90.
Sure, the payouts are nice...if you get 1st or 2nd in each league. Assuming I got first in each league (which I think has about a 20% probability of occurring) the payout would be $300. Not too shabby, but pretty unlikely. So actually, knowing that I have a 20% chance of winning $300 this year, I'm just going to say I'm probably going to win $60. Awesome, a loss of $30. Exactly the amount I spent to buy the wife in to these leagues...
We are currently in our 15th week. In fact, Chicago just beat New Orleans in overtime in a Thursday night roller coaster 27 to 24. Darn, because I just picked New Orleans to win that game earlier in my weekly NFL pick 'em I do with my friends (which is actually worth more than all my fantasy leagues combined dollar wise).
Anyway, every weekend, or throughout the week after Thursday night football starts, I sit down at the laptop, browse my current line up, figure out good matchups, good combos, take mental note of the star players my opponents are starting. I move players around, add and drop players, maybe pick up possible starters or up and coming rookies. All in total the time I spend on adjusting my fantasy line ups and reading fantasy football related news comes close to an hour every week. Which is assuming I've got something else going on in the background (reading emails/watching TV/listening to music) therefore not concentrating 100% on my team.
Now, while I was in Charleston the Hawks were not broadcast locally (except for at least one game that was nationally broadcast). So because of that I "had" to go to the local bar - D I G represent! - to catch my hawks along with 5 other games.
It was beautiful. Cheering for a lot of my players while simultaneously cheering against other players.
But all the while, there was that little stressor in the back of my mind.
C'mon Zorn! How do you run that in with Betts after Portis gets you there!
ARGGG another TD for Vincent Jackson...
Ugh, should've started Big Ben this weekend instead of Romo
And I can't decide if Fantasy Football has made the game more enjoyable for me, or made me an absolute slave to it.
Because, here's the kicker - it's not just money I'm playing for. In fact, I guess I should've included that at the beginning. Heck, I could be playing for a nickel in each league and I'd still be trying just as hard...why? Because it's about respect.
Fantasy Football is typically filled with guys. Out of my 3 leagues one of them is completely male, and another only has 1 female - which is the wife.
And guys earn respect by competing with other men. Well, at least some of us do. You beat me, I tried my best, you earn my respect.
But here's the problem with that in Fantasy Football. You can control your line up until the first whistle to each game blows. After that, it's completely out of your hands.
So, you do your best with what you have post draft. You scrounge the free agent bin for strays that people missed in the draft or for possible breakout seasons. Maybe a star player got hurt in the first week *cough Tom Brady cough* and now there's suddenly an opening at QB on your roster? You try your best to put together your best starting team given the players that are available for you.
And you win or lose completely based off of nothing you do while the game is actually occurring. Now, if there were live Fantasy Football where you could bench players on the spot and the online fantasy leagues could give you the ability to play any available WR for 60 minutes (assuming Randy Moss was hot late in the 4th quarter you could pull him up for 8 minutes for one of your WR slots) - wow, what an idea.
But, we don't have that. That would be way too involved. Not that it isn't already.
What I'm trying to get to though is that I can't control the fact that Brian Westbrook puts up 30 points a game for the last 3 games and then *crosses fingers* somehow rolls his ankle on the 2nd hand off from scrimmage. It's not the same in other sports I compete in where I almost have complete control over what happens in the game I am playing. I can at least control how I am playing.
I just get to feeling so helpless it's sad. Adrian Peterson puts up 10 points last week in a winning effort and I'm disgruntled because he was projected for 17. Clinton Portis falls off the past few weeks and then comes out with some strong words about his coach.
Great. So after putting in way too much time thinking, discussing and analyzing all of this it's come down to this.
Week 15.
The first week of playoffs in 2 of my 3 leagues. After drafting 2nd out of 10, 7th out of 10 and 7th out of 8 I go in to the playoffs in 2nd place, 4th place, and 3rd place respectively. I've had a solid year, and from my mostly male dominated leagues have been given respect. (At least I think I have - you know guys, we don't communicate well). But the cream has risen to the top. And now I'm playing guys that I also respect. Why? Because they've put in the same work as I have. Some have even made double the number of moves I've made. They've beat me during the regular season and have put up some scary numbers.
In the two playoff games I face this weekend I am projected to score less than my opponents. In the league I am 4th in I face the 1st seed. I am projected to score 100 points and him 125. He had Colston and Forte tonight and combined they were projected to score 26 points. Together they scored 26 points. Great. I'm playing for 3rd in that league.
In the other playoff game I am also an underdog but not by as much. 95 to 100. I'm going to need big games from Jason Campbell, Santana Moss, Dominic Rhodes, Adam Vinateri, and Indiniapolis's defense. Yes. I do have all of them starting for these 2 playoff teams. Pretty amazing how that happened.
So, good luck to my players. I'll need at least one big performance from somebody. Because making it to the playoffs is one thing. But actually getting paid for all of this "work" is another thing.
And that is exactly why I love and hate fantasy football.
Yes, I actually for the first time searched my own blog to make sure I hadn't already written something about this. Sad.
For the first time this year, I am playing in more than 2 leagues. 3 to be exact. I know what you're thinking, wow big jump. Big woop.
But I can't wrap my head around it.
Around this pressure. Late at night, when I should be tired, I'm looking through player lists. Reading injury reports. Seeing how Santana Moss plays outdoor away games on turf in 20 to 40 degree weather.
Seriously?
And how much financially is this all worth? Because that's the the bottom line right? Am I not always pushing that aspect of things?
I am in 2 of my leagues with my wife.
Those league buy ins are $10 and $20. So multiply those by two and you get $60 total.
And I have one league that I am in on my own for $30.
Add all of those up and you come up with $90.
Sure, the payouts are nice...if you get 1st or 2nd in each league. Assuming I got first in each league (which I think has about a 20% probability of occurring) the payout would be $300. Not too shabby, but pretty unlikely. So actually, knowing that I have a 20% chance of winning $300 this year, I'm just going to say I'm probably going to win $60. Awesome, a loss of $30. Exactly the amount I spent to buy the wife in to these leagues...
We are currently in our 15th week. In fact, Chicago just beat New Orleans in overtime in a Thursday night roller coaster 27 to 24. Darn, because I just picked New Orleans to win that game earlier in my weekly NFL pick 'em I do with my friends (which is actually worth more than all my fantasy leagues combined dollar wise).
Anyway, every weekend, or throughout the week after Thursday night football starts, I sit down at the laptop, browse my current line up, figure out good matchups, good combos, take mental note of the star players my opponents are starting. I move players around, add and drop players, maybe pick up possible starters or up and coming rookies. All in total the time I spend on adjusting my fantasy line ups and reading fantasy football related news comes close to an hour every week. Which is assuming I've got something else going on in the background (reading emails/watching TV/listening to music) therefore not concentrating 100% on my team.
Now, while I was in Charleston the Hawks were not broadcast locally (except for at least one game that was nationally broadcast). So because of that I "had" to go to the local bar - D I G represent! - to catch my hawks along with 5 other games.
It was beautiful. Cheering for a lot of my players while simultaneously cheering against other players.
But all the while, there was that little stressor in the back of my mind.
C'mon Zorn! How do you run that in with Betts after Portis gets you there!
ARGGG another TD for Vincent Jackson...
Ugh, should've started Big Ben this weekend instead of Romo
And I can't decide if Fantasy Football has made the game more enjoyable for me, or made me an absolute slave to it.
Because, here's the kicker - it's not just money I'm playing for. In fact, I guess I should've included that at the beginning. Heck, I could be playing for a nickel in each league and I'd still be trying just as hard...why? Because it's about respect.
Fantasy Football is typically filled with guys. Out of my 3 leagues one of them is completely male, and another only has 1 female - which is the wife.
And guys earn respect by competing with other men. Well, at least some of us do. You beat me, I tried my best, you earn my respect.
But here's the problem with that in Fantasy Football. You can control your line up until the first whistle to each game blows. After that, it's completely out of your hands.
So, you do your best with what you have post draft. You scrounge the free agent bin for strays that people missed in the draft or for possible breakout seasons. Maybe a star player got hurt in the first week *cough Tom Brady cough* and now there's suddenly an opening at QB on your roster? You try your best to put together your best starting team given the players that are available for you.
And you win or lose completely based off of nothing you do while the game is actually occurring. Now, if there were live Fantasy Football where you could bench players on the spot and the online fantasy leagues could give you the ability to play any available WR for 60 minutes (assuming Randy Moss was hot late in the 4th quarter you could pull him up for 8 minutes for one of your WR slots) - wow, what an idea.
But, we don't have that. That would be way too involved. Not that it isn't already.
What I'm trying to get to though is that I can't control the fact that Brian Westbrook puts up 30 points a game for the last 3 games and then *crosses fingers* somehow rolls his ankle on the 2nd hand off from scrimmage. It's not the same in other sports I compete in where I almost have complete control over what happens in the game I am playing. I can at least control how I am playing.
I just get to feeling so helpless it's sad. Adrian Peterson puts up 10 points last week in a winning effort and I'm disgruntled because he was projected for 17. Clinton Portis falls off the past few weeks and then comes out with some strong words about his coach.
Great. So after putting in way too much time thinking, discussing and analyzing all of this it's come down to this.
Week 15.
The first week of playoffs in 2 of my 3 leagues. After drafting 2nd out of 10, 7th out of 10 and 7th out of 8 I go in to the playoffs in 2nd place, 4th place, and 3rd place respectively. I've had a solid year, and from my mostly male dominated leagues have been given respect. (At least I think I have - you know guys, we don't communicate well). But the cream has risen to the top. And now I'm playing guys that I also respect. Why? Because they've put in the same work as I have. Some have even made double the number of moves I've made. They've beat me during the regular season and have put up some scary numbers.
In the two playoff games I face this weekend I am projected to score less than my opponents. In the league I am 4th in I face the 1st seed. I am projected to score 100 points and him 125. He had Colston and Forte tonight and combined they were projected to score 26 points. Together they scored 26 points. Great. I'm playing for 3rd in that league.
In the other playoff game I am also an underdog but not by as much. 95 to 100. I'm going to need big games from Jason Campbell, Santana Moss, Dominic Rhodes, Adam Vinateri, and Indiniapolis's defense. Yes. I do have all of them starting for these 2 playoff teams. Pretty amazing how that happened.
So, good luck to my players. I'll need at least one big performance from somebody. Because making it to the playoffs is one thing. But actually getting paid for all of this "work" is another thing.
And that is exactly why I love and hate fantasy football.
Sunday, December 07, 2008
The Worst Sports Year Ever
Well, I was waiting for this weekend to make it official.
I could have written this even a week ago. But I guess I was just lazy.
There is something in the water in Seattle. At least in 2008.
Because this has been the worst sports year ever. And it's not even that we're lovable losers anymore. It's that we now have actually had some semblance of competitiveness in each sport we play, and yet for some reason absolutely nothing has gone right for any of our teams. It's like a plague that has spread from franchise to franchise.
Looking back on it now I can't believe that before I left for Charleston in April that I told my dad that if we made a run for the pennant I'd never forgive myself for missing it. There were actually people out there that were predicting how well we were going to do. I told him that I would fly home just to catch a world series game. It's a once in a lifetime sort of deal and he said he would do everything in his power to get me a ticket if we did make it that far.
Uhhh, I guess I just jinxed us then?
But before I go down that road, let's break it down to see how this was actually the worst year ever in all of the Seattle sports I follow. And as a heads up, those sports are the NFL, NBA, MLB college basketball and football.
January/February 2008: Hawks make the Divisional playoff and lose to Greenbay. I think this is where the downturn started. Writing about this now makes it seem like it was years ago. But really, it was the beginning of this year.
However, I don't count us losing in the playoffs as 2008 though. Because we made the playoffs based off of what the team did in 2007. And the NFC west is the worst division in the league. So for us to make the playoffs...is almost like taking candy from a machine which dispenses candy for free. More on this later.
March/April (2008): There is no big dance to speak of. Even the NIT snubs us (although IMO we were definitely more deserving than at least 3 of the schools that got the invite).
Husky basketball goes 17-17 during the entire season and even loses at home in a tournament for the real suckers (W...T...F is "College Basketball Invitational"?) it was seriously an embarrassment. Which I think you'll find is a reoccurring theme throughout this past year. Husky basketball I still have the most love for. The new season started last month and we are looking better than last year, but it's still not enough. Maybe if we can somehow squeeze in to the big dance in 2009 it might make the pain from this year a little bit easier to bear.
May/June/July: There is no NBA playoffs to speak of. I go to a few games earlier in the year (so this is actually filed under the wrong section, I just wanted to mention that the Sonics weren't even CLOSE to being in contention for a playoff run), which will now go down as my last games in Key arena. I get drunk and yell profanities at Earl Watson for being the worst point guard in the history of the NBA. He really isn't but on the nights I was there he was. The sonics put up an absolutely horrendous 20 and 62 season. In fact, it was so bad that I wish they got honorable mention on this list. But alas they don't.
Oh, and did I mention the whole time that the season was occuring that there was a "battle" happening over whether or not the team would be moved to Oklahoma City? And we all know how that ended up turning out. Key Arena was such a depressing place to be this past year. I even think the storm got better turn out than the Sonics did. The only time people actually came to see the Sonics? Was when they were playing other teams that fans were interested in seeing more than the home team. Which I was definitely guilty of.
But now, they're gone. And all I have left are the memories of the 1995 NBA finals. Kemp, Payton, Dale Ellis, Schrempf, Hersey Hawkins. Heck, even the run we made in 2005. I'll throw it in there. Now, I feel like the 3 sports of city of Seattle has now become a little bit more gray. Nothing to look forward to to bring us out of winter in to these perfect Seattle summers. No more Callabro. I just kind of have to sigh and laugh about how the Oklahoma City BLUNDER are doing. They are currently 2-19 and I think trying to beat out last year's Sonic team. I hope you're happy Bennett.
August/September: The worst season in NCAA Pac-10 Football history starts. Who knew it would get this bad? I mean, I guess I could kind of see it coming...I wanted Ty out last year but everyone was telling me that he needed another year. Why? The guy is a terrible coach, terrible recruiter, and actually lost games for us just because he doesn't understand basic coaching strategy. I caught a few games on TV down in Charleston (amazed that they showed them!) and the supposed "home team" announcers questioned his decisions at least twice a game. The guy lacked everything. A winning resume. Charisma. Coaching knowledge. Good riddance.
But look where it got us? ZERO WINS. Not one. Big goose egg and a number 12 after it. There is not one other team across all 119 NCAA Division 1 football teams that lost all of their games. Except for us. Embarassment, shame, anger. Have I been a victim of some crime? No, only the association to my once proud alma mater. And this is exactly what I was waiting for. I was waiting for Cal to destroy us on Saturday. And I watched most of it. Heck, I caught more than half the season for being gone for most of it.
And I'll still remember Jake Locker running in to the end zone versus BYU and tossing that ball up. I'll remember Willingham giving up on a first half with a minute and 40 seconds to go, timeouts and the ball. I'll remember our defense which couldn't stop a 4th grade class of peewee footballers. I'll remember that heart breaking loss to Wazzu in overtime. But most of all, I will remember the worst season in PAC-10 history. Not even in UW history only. But in the PAC-10. Which is saying a lot seeing as how many of the schools have been around since the early 1800s.
October: Wasn't I supposed to be flying home at this time? To catch at least one of the World Series games? Remember dad? Remember how you said we would get tickets to my first World Series game ever?
The pitching was laughable. The hitting was nonexistant. The coaches were asleep. Fans used Safeco field more as a beer garden then an actual sporting venue. If we could've just lost a few more games we could've been part of history by joining this list. I mean we were only 15 games away from getting on that loserboard at a ridiculous 61 and 101 this year. What must it feel like to lose 100 times? I mean, I'm sure over my life time I've lost that many times given the number of things I compete in. But in one season? I think I was already calculating our "magic number" to not make the playoffs by May.
Just another pathetic excuse for a professional sports team based out of the good ole Northwest.
November-Present day: The one thing I've been able to hang my hat on the past few years is gone. At least when all else was lost I could point to the Seahawks and say: There's a team that is representing us properly. Let's beat up on all of the other weak teams in our division and make the playoffs! We've been a shoe-in since 2004. It was almost like we good just be on cruise control throughout the entire season because we knew that Arizona, San Fran and Saint Louis were just that bad. And of course we were on cruise control seeing as how often we've lost in the past 5 years any time we've gone on the road.
That was fine with me though. Because an above .500 team in the worst division in the league would be able to sleep it's way in to the playoffs. Well, I think that's what happened this year. The team just got the feeling that I had. That we could just saunter in to the playoffs like we have done in previous years.
Unfortunately that wasn't the case. Hasselbeck's been hurt. We've had walk-ons for wide receiver, offensive line and our secondary. And Arizona's finally made something out of that high powered offense. So now what? So now, we are the worst team in one of the worst divisions in the NFL. This one probably hurts the most because at least in the MLB we're in a ridiculous division where 90 wins guarantees you nothing. In the NBA our conference has been strong (or at the least respectable) for a decade. But the NFC west? It's been a joke as long as I can remember. And for us to be the cellar dwellers right now at 2-11 after another gut wrenching loss to New England today...it's too much.
This had to be written.
On the bright side - although it doesn't seem like there is much of one - there is change coming. New coaches. New managers. High picks in the draft due to a terrible previous season. New recruits. As I've mentioned in regards to other things that are going on right now - I mean really, can it get any worse that what I've endured regarding sports in 2008? I wasn't even here for half the year!
But to all of you true hometown fans out there (like myself), the more we continue to hold on through these tough times, the sweeter it will taste when we finally get that championship. Hopefully you'll see me in the crowd years down the road at the World Series/NBA Finals (go Portland)/Superbowl/Final Four/NCAA National Championship. And when we finally take one down you won't be able to wipe the smile off my face.
I could have written this even a week ago. But I guess I was just lazy.
There is something in the water in Seattle. At least in 2008.
Because this has been the worst sports year ever. And it's not even that we're lovable losers anymore. It's that we now have actually had some semblance of competitiveness in each sport we play, and yet for some reason absolutely nothing has gone right for any of our teams. It's like a plague that has spread from franchise to franchise.
Looking back on it now I can't believe that before I left for Charleston in April that I told my dad that if we made a run for the pennant I'd never forgive myself for missing it. There were actually people out there that were predicting how well we were going to do. I told him that I would fly home just to catch a world series game. It's a once in a lifetime sort of deal and he said he would do everything in his power to get me a ticket if we did make it that far.
Uhhh, I guess I just jinxed us then?
But before I go down that road, let's break it down to see how this was actually the worst year ever in all of the Seattle sports I follow. And as a heads up, those sports are the NFL, NBA, MLB college basketball and football.
January/February 2008: Hawks make the Divisional playoff and lose to Greenbay. I think this is where the downturn started. Writing about this now makes it seem like it was years ago. But really, it was the beginning of this year.
However, I don't count us losing in the playoffs as 2008 though. Because we made the playoffs based off of what the team did in 2007. And the NFC west is the worst division in the league. So for us to make the playoffs...is almost like taking candy from a machine which dispenses candy for free. More on this later.
March/April (2008): There is no big dance to speak of. Even the NIT snubs us (although IMO we were definitely more deserving than at least 3 of the schools that got the invite).
Husky basketball goes 17-17 during the entire season and even loses at home in a tournament for the real suckers (W...T...F is "College Basketball Invitational"?) it was seriously an embarrassment. Which I think you'll find is a reoccurring theme throughout this past year. Husky basketball I still have the most love for. The new season started last month and we are looking better than last year, but it's still not enough. Maybe if we can somehow squeeze in to the big dance in 2009 it might make the pain from this year a little bit easier to bear.
May/June/July: There is no NBA playoffs to speak of. I go to a few games earlier in the year (so this is actually filed under the wrong section, I just wanted to mention that the Sonics weren't even CLOSE to being in contention for a playoff run), which will now go down as my last games in Key arena. I get drunk and yell profanities at Earl Watson for being the worst point guard in the history of the NBA. He really isn't but on the nights I was there he was. The sonics put up an absolutely horrendous 20 and 62 season. In fact, it was so bad that I wish they got honorable mention on this list. But alas they don't.
Oh, and did I mention the whole time that the season was occuring that there was a "battle" happening over whether or not the team would be moved to Oklahoma City? And we all know how that ended up turning out. Key Arena was such a depressing place to be this past year. I even think the storm got better turn out than the Sonics did. The only time people actually came to see the Sonics? Was when they were playing other teams that fans were interested in seeing more than the home team. Which I was definitely guilty of.
But now, they're gone. And all I have left are the memories of the 1995 NBA finals. Kemp, Payton, Dale Ellis, Schrempf, Hersey Hawkins. Heck, even the run we made in 2005. I'll throw it in there. Now, I feel like the 3 sports of city of Seattle has now become a little bit more gray. Nothing to look forward to to bring us out of winter in to these perfect Seattle summers. No more Callabro. I just kind of have to sigh and laugh about how the Oklahoma City BLUNDER are doing. They are currently 2-19 and I think trying to beat out last year's Sonic team. I hope you're happy Bennett.
August/September: The worst season in NCAA Pac-10 Football history starts. Who knew it would get this bad? I mean, I guess I could kind of see it coming...I wanted Ty out last year but everyone was telling me that he needed another year. Why? The guy is a terrible coach, terrible recruiter, and actually lost games for us just because he doesn't understand basic coaching strategy. I caught a few games on TV down in Charleston (amazed that they showed them!) and the supposed "home team" announcers questioned his decisions at least twice a game. The guy lacked everything. A winning resume. Charisma. Coaching knowledge. Good riddance.
But look where it got us? ZERO WINS. Not one. Big goose egg and a number 12 after it. There is not one other team across all 119 NCAA Division 1 football teams that lost all of their games. Except for us. Embarassment, shame, anger. Have I been a victim of some crime? No, only the association to my once proud alma mater. And this is exactly what I was waiting for. I was waiting for Cal to destroy us on Saturday. And I watched most of it. Heck, I caught more than half the season for being gone for most of it.
And I'll still remember Jake Locker running in to the end zone versus BYU and tossing that ball up. I'll remember Willingham giving up on a first half with a minute and 40 seconds to go, timeouts and the ball. I'll remember our defense which couldn't stop a 4th grade class of peewee footballers. I'll remember that heart breaking loss to Wazzu in overtime. But most of all, I will remember the worst season in PAC-10 history. Not even in UW history only. But in the PAC-10. Which is saying a lot seeing as how many of the schools have been around since the early 1800s.
October: Wasn't I supposed to be flying home at this time? To catch at least one of the World Series games? Remember dad? Remember how you said we would get tickets to my first World Series game ever?
The pitching was laughable. The hitting was nonexistant. The coaches were asleep. Fans used Safeco field more as a beer garden then an actual sporting venue. If we could've just lost a few more games we could've been part of history by joining this list. I mean we were only 15 games away from getting on that loserboard at a ridiculous 61 and 101 this year. What must it feel like to lose 100 times? I mean, I'm sure over my life time I've lost that many times given the number of things I compete in. But in one season? I think I was already calculating our "magic number" to not make the playoffs by May.
Just another pathetic excuse for a professional sports team based out of the good ole Northwest.
November-Present day: The one thing I've been able to hang my hat on the past few years is gone. At least when all else was lost I could point to the Seahawks and say: There's a team that is representing us properly. Let's beat up on all of the other weak teams in our division and make the playoffs! We've been a shoe-in since 2004. It was almost like we good just be on cruise control throughout the entire season because we knew that Arizona, San Fran and Saint Louis were just that bad. And of course we were on cruise control seeing as how often we've lost in the past 5 years any time we've gone on the road.
That was fine with me though. Because an above .500 team in the worst division in the league would be able to sleep it's way in to the playoffs. Well, I think that's what happened this year. The team just got the feeling that I had. That we could just saunter in to the playoffs like we have done in previous years.
Unfortunately that wasn't the case. Hasselbeck's been hurt. We've had walk-ons for wide receiver, offensive line and our secondary. And Arizona's finally made something out of that high powered offense. So now what? So now, we are the worst team in one of the worst divisions in the NFL. This one probably hurts the most because at least in the MLB we're in a ridiculous division where 90 wins guarantees you nothing. In the NBA our conference has been strong (or at the least respectable) for a decade. But the NFC west? It's been a joke as long as I can remember. And for us to be the cellar dwellers right now at 2-11 after another gut wrenching loss to New England today...it's too much.
This had to be written.
On the bright side - although it doesn't seem like there is much of one - there is change coming. New coaches. New managers. High picks in the draft due to a terrible previous season. New recruits. As I've mentioned in regards to other things that are going on right now - I mean really, can it get any worse that what I've endured regarding sports in 2008? I wasn't even here for half the year!
But to all of you true hometown fans out there (like myself), the more we continue to hold on through these tough times, the sweeter it will taste when we finally get that championship. Hopefully you'll see me in the crowd years down the road at the World Series/NBA Finals (go Portland)/Superbowl/Final Four/NCAA National Championship. And when we finally take one down you won't be able to wipe the smile off my face.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
A Historical Election
So I think a bit of the dust has settled now.
And so many other bloggers have mentioned something about it, so without much else to write about (or nothing else that I thought would be interesting to read) tonight I've decided to put it on here.
Good job Barack.
You beat a pretty feeble opponent in McCain.
With Oprah's backing alone you basically won the presidency. She does after all have about 30 million faithful followers. I'm not saying that every single one of them voted for you because of her - but I'm just going to say that it definitely helped more than it hurt (the millions that she gave you aren't anything to scoff at either).
It's really tough living in the Northwest. Everyone is so damned emotional about their politics. And God forbid that anyone think differently - or out here - conservatively.
I don't connect well with most people when it comes to politics. This is one of those things that I am not black and white on. People think that you either have to be a democrat or a republican. And then when you belong to a specific group you have to share the same basic values; vote along party lines.
Well, here are mine:
I relate most to the fiscal conservatives. I believe in as low as taxes as possible and as little government as possible. But, I am liberal when it comes to basically everything else. I believe in the legalization of gay marriage, marijuana, right for women to make the decisions for their bodies - in fact, right for anyone to do anything to their own bodies. My saying was always, "As long as you are not harming others" you can basically do anything you please.
So where do I fit? Nowhere really.
Which is why I don't vote - and I've mentioned this before. 4 years from now I've decided to vote though. There are too many local initiatives that will affect my life that I'd like to have a say on.
But the president? There's no way my 1 vote out here in the bluest state of them all would even count.
I hated hearing the "don't forget to vote". Seeing all the emails. The commercials. The signs on the side of the road. What waste. Obama was a lock. And for people not to see that is kind of crazy. Yes. I even bet money on him. That's how sure of it I was. Sure, I had made a previous bet when I didn't even know the name "Barack", but that was back then.
And here we are now. Less than 2 months away from a new presidency.
There are a few things I'd like to say about the upcoming presidency.
-I am a big believer in timing. In my opinion, any charismatic, well educated and spoken person with the proper people behind them could take this country out of the shit hole we've got ourselves in. And seriously? It is not that bad (I've mentioned this before). When people talk about who the best president of this country ever was - they mention FDR. He did after all bring us out of the great depression. But you know what? Could he have just been the right guy at the right time? Imagine if FDR was born 30 or 40 years later. Would he be the best president in American's minds then? Sure, it's a bit of a weak argument because anyone could argue timing - but Barack is taking over at a great time. And it's only because it can't really get that much worse. Sure it can, but a lot of the pain from the initial shock has already hit - and any more pain will be met with a bit of numbness or maybe a callous.
-Which is exactly why what Barack might be doing is a bit dangerous. If people Hope for Change what are they actually hoping for? I was laughing to myself on election night because they showed Harlem on TV. People cheering, people crying. Guess what? All of those people had to go back to Harlem that night. The unemployed, the homeless, the hungry, they all returned to where they came from the same way. Nothing had changed for them. Will anything change for you and I? People get the economy and politics mixed up all the time. But our economy goes boom and bust every decade. And yet, every decade we continue to attribute a good economy to the current presidency, and on the flip side blame the presidency when things aren't going our way. Everyone pointed to the republicans this election, but did everyone forget that we've had a great ecomony (albeit inflated by home prices) from '02 to '07? People quickly forget things (in a year) when things start turning south. I'm sure 5-7 years from now I'll be writing about how everyone has already forgotten about how "bad" it was in '08 and '09. So, wake up, as usual your life is what you make it. You have no one to blame but yourself and blaming those (or thanking those) in office is just downright silly.
Hope is an interesting thing. It's something that this country has stood upon for decades.
Personally, I hope that at the end of this that we have more than just hope. The weight of so many livelihoods rests on the shoulder of a new presidency. A new party.
So somethings will change.
I hope that the greatest empire ever to have lived on this Earth is either still in growth phase or at least treading water. I do not want to be part of the demise...
And so many other bloggers have mentioned something about it, so without much else to write about (or nothing else that I thought would be interesting to read) tonight I've decided to put it on here.
Good job Barack.
You beat a pretty feeble opponent in McCain.
With Oprah's backing alone you basically won the presidency. She does after all have about 30 million faithful followers. I'm not saying that every single one of them voted for you because of her - but I'm just going to say that it definitely helped more than it hurt (the millions that she gave you aren't anything to scoff at either).
It's really tough living in the Northwest. Everyone is so damned emotional about their politics. And God forbid that anyone think differently - or out here - conservatively.
I don't connect well with most people when it comes to politics. This is one of those things that I am not black and white on. People think that you either have to be a democrat or a republican. And then when you belong to a specific group you have to share the same basic values; vote along party lines.
Well, here are mine:
I relate most to the fiscal conservatives. I believe in as low as taxes as possible and as little government as possible. But, I am liberal when it comes to basically everything else. I believe in the legalization of gay marriage, marijuana, right for women to make the decisions for their bodies - in fact, right for anyone to do anything to their own bodies. My saying was always, "As long as you are not harming others" you can basically do anything you please.
So where do I fit? Nowhere really.
Which is why I don't vote - and I've mentioned this before. 4 years from now I've decided to vote though. There are too many local initiatives that will affect my life that I'd like to have a say on.
But the president? There's no way my 1 vote out here in the bluest state of them all would even count.
I hated hearing the "don't forget to vote". Seeing all the emails. The commercials. The signs on the side of the road. What waste. Obama was a lock. And for people not to see that is kind of crazy. Yes. I even bet money on him. That's how sure of it I was. Sure, I had made a previous bet when I didn't even know the name "Barack", but that was back then.
And here we are now. Less than 2 months away from a new presidency.
There are a few things I'd like to say about the upcoming presidency.
-I am a big believer in timing. In my opinion, any charismatic, well educated and spoken person with the proper people behind them could take this country out of the shit hole we've got ourselves in. And seriously? It is not that bad (I've mentioned this before). When people talk about who the best president of this country ever was - they mention FDR. He did after all bring us out of the great depression. But you know what? Could he have just been the right guy at the right time? Imagine if FDR was born 30 or 40 years later. Would he be the best president in American's minds then? Sure, it's a bit of a weak argument because anyone could argue timing - but Barack is taking over at a great time. And it's only because it can't really get that much worse. Sure it can, but a lot of the pain from the initial shock has already hit - and any more pain will be met with a bit of numbness or maybe a callous.
-Which is exactly why what Barack might be doing is a bit dangerous. If people Hope for Change what are they actually hoping for? I was laughing to myself on election night because they showed Harlem on TV. People cheering, people crying. Guess what? All of those people had to go back to Harlem that night. The unemployed, the homeless, the hungry, they all returned to where they came from the same way. Nothing had changed for them. Will anything change for you and I? People get the economy and politics mixed up all the time. But our economy goes boom and bust every decade. And yet, every decade we continue to attribute a good economy to the current presidency, and on the flip side blame the presidency when things aren't going our way. Everyone pointed to the republicans this election, but did everyone forget that we've had a great ecomony (albeit inflated by home prices) from '02 to '07? People quickly forget things (in a year) when things start turning south. I'm sure 5-7 years from now I'll be writing about how everyone has already forgotten about how "bad" it was in '08 and '09. So, wake up, as usual your life is what you make it. You have no one to blame but yourself and blaming those (or thanking those) in office is just downright silly.
Hope is an interesting thing. It's something that this country has stood upon for decades.
Personally, I hope that at the end of this that we have more than just hope. The weight of so many livelihoods rests on the shoulder of a new presidency. A new party.
So somethings will change.
I hope that the greatest empire ever to have lived on this Earth is either still in growth phase or at least treading water. I do not want to be part of the demise...
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Reap What WE Sow - Part 2
You can read Part 1 here.
So now everything's come down.
Those that had too much greed were placed in positions of too much power.
And just like before, when things became too good to be true, the invisble hand came through and bitch slapped a lot of people.
Unfortunately a lot of us small people (as I like to refer to someone like me) got hurt in the process.
So remember those people that couldn't afford those houses that I mentioned in Part 1?
Well, someone smart had an idea that they could package up those loans and sell them to someone else, who offered them to willing investors who were offered amazing returns with very little risk.
Because Joe Schmoe was surely going to pay for his mortgage when his 5/1 ARM ballooned up from 5% to 18% right? I mean there is no way in hell Sally Schmoe (of no relation to Joe) was going to lose money on her home investment! Look at how much housing prices had risen in the past year! Of course she could be $0 down on a neg am loan. I mean what does "neg am" really mean anyway? That she could get that monthly payment down to a manageable amount and own the house of her dreams. Finally she was living the American dream.
And we all know how that's going to end. Or do we?
So we got caught up in the housing bubble.
And now no one can pay their mortgages.
And they packaged those mortgages in to investments.
Which they then sold on the street.
Which they then used to invest in a market that was also bubbling at 50 to 1 margin. So for every $200K home loan that the Schmoes knew they couldn't afford, John Schmuck was out there trading $10 million dollars in who knows what.
But I'll tell you this much: Not many people make money in a bear market. Even bears tend to get a little bit bullish when the market's fallen that standard 20% to represent a "true" bear market. Sorry if they got in 20% too early...that's going to sting when not only have we lost the Schmoe's original loan amounts but we've lost an extra few million on top of it. Now remind me how much 20% of $10 million dollars is for each loan a bank sold for $200K? So you're telling me you lost how much?
All the while consumers continue to rack up debt...not seeing the horrible multi car pile up that's coming miles down the highway. Now they've lost 40% in their 401Ks. The half a million dollar house they bought 2 years ago is now worth half of a half of a million dollars. They realized all of the 0% interest credit cards were only for a promotional period and forgot to pay them. Joe's company is getting downsized and Sally's been on unemployment for 2 months already. This is definitely not going to be a happy Christmas!
And they're scared. The giant feed back loop that is the media is doing nothing to assuage the fears - rather massage them. Nothing better than ratings right? Telling us about how bad everything is out there.
But it's not that bad. I'm sitting here in my half million dollar house. Which is warm from the heat I can afford to pay for this house. In front of my TV which has been paid off from my 0% promotional credit card. I put on clean, gently used clothing tonight which was my own which was paid full price for. And I ate a hearty meal of chicken tacos and salad and will be having cake shortly.
This is not the great depression. Personally I'd love to see another depression because we needed some sense slapped in us. Admittedly a lot of us would suffer a great deal (definitely including me) if we went through something like that again. 25%+ unemployment rate. Food banks with lines around the block. Nothing but salted, boiled water to eat again for dinner tonight. And probably breakfast. And someone's got to chop down that last evergreen out front to make kindling for the fire tonight. Living through something like that might change American's consumption habit...or at the least overconsumption.
I am interested to see where this does go though. All the bailouts that are occuring could be the start of something good again for this country - or in a few years we may point back to this time and realize what idiots we were. For the sake of the majority, I pray it's the former.
For now though we have to let time work out it's course. In my opinion we all are to blame (admittedly some more than others) so in our own ways we will all suffer.
The recession hasn't been technically decalred yet. And the layoffs are just starting now.
Is it time to move from the "greatest nation on Earth" to one of the "greatest empires to ever exist on Earth?"
Unfortunately I don't think the word hubris was meant to be applicable only to the ancient Greeks.
So now everything's come down.
Those that had too much greed were placed in positions of too much power.
And just like before, when things became too good to be true, the invisble hand came through and bitch slapped a lot of people.
Unfortunately a lot of us small people (as I like to refer to someone like me) got hurt in the process.
So remember those people that couldn't afford those houses that I mentioned in Part 1?
Well, someone smart had an idea that they could package up those loans and sell them to someone else, who offered them to willing investors who were offered amazing returns with very little risk.
Because Joe Schmoe was surely going to pay for his mortgage when his 5/1 ARM ballooned up from 5% to 18% right? I mean there is no way in hell Sally Schmoe (of no relation to Joe) was going to lose money on her home investment! Look at how much housing prices had risen in the past year! Of course she could be $0 down on a neg am loan. I mean what does "neg am" really mean anyway? That she could get that monthly payment down to a manageable amount and own the house of her dreams. Finally she was living the American dream.
And we all know how that's going to end. Or do we?
So we got caught up in the housing bubble.
And now no one can pay their mortgages.
And they packaged those mortgages in to investments.
Which they then sold on the street.
Which they then used to invest in a market that was also bubbling at 50 to 1 margin. So for every $200K home loan that the Schmoes knew they couldn't afford, John Schmuck was out there trading $10 million dollars in who knows what.
But I'll tell you this much: Not many people make money in a bear market. Even bears tend to get a little bit bullish when the market's fallen that standard 20% to represent a "true" bear market. Sorry if they got in 20% too early...that's going to sting when not only have we lost the Schmoe's original loan amounts but we've lost an extra few million on top of it. Now remind me how much 20% of $10 million dollars is for each loan a bank sold for $200K? So you're telling me you lost how much?
All the while consumers continue to rack up debt...not seeing the horrible multi car pile up that's coming miles down the highway. Now they've lost 40% in their 401Ks. The half a million dollar house they bought 2 years ago is now worth half of a half of a million dollars. They realized all of the 0% interest credit cards were only for a promotional period and forgot to pay them. Joe's company is getting downsized and Sally's been on unemployment for 2 months already. This is definitely not going to be a happy Christmas!
And they're scared. The giant feed back loop that is the media is doing nothing to assuage the fears - rather massage them. Nothing better than ratings right? Telling us about how bad everything is out there.
But it's not that bad. I'm sitting here in my half million dollar house. Which is warm from the heat I can afford to pay for this house. In front of my TV which has been paid off from my 0% promotional credit card. I put on clean, gently used clothing tonight which was my own which was paid full price for. And I ate a hearty meal of chicken tacos and salad and will be having cake shortly.
This is not the great depression. Personally I'd love to see another depression because we needed some sense slapped in us. Admittedly a lot of us would suffer a great deal (definitely including me) if we went through something like that again. 25%+ unemployment rate. Food banks with lines around the block. Nothing but salted, boiled water to eat again for dinner tonight. And probably breakfast. And someone's got to chop down that last evergreen out front to make kindling for the fire tonight. Living through something like that might change American's consumption habit...or at the least overconsumption.
I am interested to see where this does go though. All the bailouts that are occuring could be the start of something good again for this country - or in a few years we may point back to this time and realize what idiots we were. For the sake of the majority, I pray it's the former.
For now though we have to let time work out it's course. In my opinion we all are to blame (admittedly some more than others) so in our own ways we will all suffer.
The recession hasn't been technically decalred yet. And the layoffs are just starting now.
Is it time to move from the "greatest nation on Earth" to one of the "greatest empires to ever exist on Earth?"
Unfortunately I don't think the word hubris was meant to be applicable only to the ancient Greeks.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
30 Minutes
Of free writing.
Ready, go.
I've been reading blogs for the past 30 minutes. And when I do that, I like to write in my own. Or maybe I had a feeling that I wanted to write something tonight, but instead I sat down and read other blogs instead.
When I read other blogs sometimes I get jealous. I think to myself, "Damn, I sometimes think that too. Why didn't I write that?"
But I don't write it because I feel like it would partially be plagiarism even though I would try to write it in a way that would sound like I was saying it.
I've been told that before. That I write like I speak. Or at the least that people can hear my voice when they read my words. I find that interesting. Maybe it's because I'm saying the words in my head as I am typing them?
Maybe.
I wanted to write for 30 minutes because I didn't want to sleep yet. I have been tossing and turning lately when I go to bed, even though I might be physically exhausted. Ever since I got back to Washington my right eye has been twitching. I wouldn't say I'm under a lot of stress, but maybe it's just a lot of little stresses that are messing with me. I wanted to write "stressers" or "stressors" but neither of them are actually words. Dumb.
For example, our garage is full of our crap right now. Or at least crap we haven't figured out where to put yet. When we left for Charleston I don't remember thinking we had packed that much and yet we had come home with more. Or at least it felt like more. Or at least when I got home I felt just fine with the things I had when we got here, then another 700 pounds of crap showed up one rainy night.
Oh I love the rainy night such a beautiful sight.
Not really.
So with all the crap in the garage we get to fit one car in there, and of course the brand new car goes in the garage so mine gets to sit outside...and I get to scrape off the frost tomorrow and freeze my hamstrings off tomorrow morning. See, little things.
I check the weather in Charleston every day and day dream about walking the dog (sad) down to the river.
Instead I get to walk her up to power lines that run to the substation almost a mile away. And have to cover my hands and ears with clothing because I am afraid they'll fall off. Not really, I'm being dramatic.
I try to rub the stress out of my twitching right eye but it doesn't work. I looked up causes and solutions to it but the internet - as it is probably about a third of the time I use it, was not completely helpful.
I mean, when was the last time any of us said, "I know for a fact that X". Where "X" equals something you know stone cold and hasn't been disproven (which blogger says isn't a word). I can hardly say it. I have to preface things with, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure that X". Why? Because Wiki will probably provide us with the answer. Who needs a brain (or Jeopardy?) when you've got wiki? And yes, I know even wiki can be wrong.
Wow, 9 minutes and I feel like I've gone down the wrong path on this post. I want to make a u-turn but I don't want to go back to what I originally was writing about.
We completely redesigned my "office" this past weekend. Paint. New shelves. Movement of furniture. New track lighting. All assuming that I'll be moving home with my job soon. I got a pretty sweet graphite or dark sand looking paint color in my room. I added this gold fleck to remind me of that dark sand color - sometimes you'd see the sand sparkle in the sun/moonlight when I was at the beach.
I was just thinking before I wrote this post - and as I was reading all the different blogs I follow that there's just too much out there. There's too much information available to us every day. Too many TV channels. Millions of web sites. So we put blinders on, or we try to condense as best as possible. It has almost become a chore for me to keep up on things I "enjoy". I don't think it's supposed to be that way. Jeez - that sounds like one of those questions that people ask you in regards to depression. "Do the things that you would normally enjoy not seem fulfilling any longer? Depression doesn't hurt just you, but it also hurts those around you."
I like to think that this is going to prevent the tossing and turning tonight. I like to think that all of the thoughts that keep me up at night I can throw out on this. I like to think I'll wake up tomorrow feeling refreshed. I like broccoli.
16 minutes. And at least 2 of them wasted looking down at the keyboard and trying to listen to my thoughts.
I am thinking that I wish I had written in the earlier part of this post about how some bloggers have this way of writing about things outside of themselves. How they do such a good job describing things and including very little about their own thoughts. I was thinking about how my blog is not even close to that - although sometimes I try. I was thinking how I didn't want to write this at this portion of this post because reading this now makes it seem like I'm scatterbrained. Which at times I can be.
For the past 4 days I've meant to call my dentist. For the past 8 years I've meant to give them my phone number instead of my parent's phone number. Then again, my parents could always give my dentist my phone number too. But maybe they like that little portion of parenting they have left. Every 6 months they get to call me and remind me that I've got a dentist appointment coming up. I get along with my dentist because 1) He is Asian (albeit Japanese) 2) He went to UW 3) He loves the Seahawks and actually helps track stats at every home game for them.
So like every good man to man relationship, we can always talk sports. Or, at least I can try my best to talk while my mouth is open. I wish I could get a cleaning every other week instead of once every 6 months. Within a couple days I feel like my teeth have reverted back to their old dirty ways (not really, I floss every other day and brush twice daily).
I've turned around a couple times because I see the reflection in the TV that's sitting on the desk in front of me. I think someone is creeping up behind me. But really it's just the movement of my fingers typing.
And then for some reason I was thinking about watermelons talking while I was writing about my dentist. I don't like to eat watermelon and people think I am crazy. I don't like the taste or the texture. It's kind of like a flimsy pear that was injected with water to me but with not that great of flavor. Give me an apple any day please.
But can you imagine walking in to a Top Foods (random store I know) and going in to the produce section and all of the watermelons were just chatting it up. All they had were mouths and when they talked you could see in to what I guess would be their throats. I would be creeped out seeing people throw watermelons in to their carts. I wonder what they would say when they were separated from the others.
Pretty good for 25 minutes so far.
Now on to the home stretch.
I have way too much crap that's got sentimental value. I wish things would be like this blog. Full of interesting stuff (for me to read) and it doesn't take up any of my own space at all. Like I wish I could send in something like my Bear Stearns Squeeze Bear which sits proudly atop my office desk - send it in to some company where they crush whatever you have way down to something that's maybe a millimeter thick and they place it in to a lock box for you. You pay a yearly fee of something like $25 and they just hold your compressed crap like that. Maybe someday you're thinking to yourself that you'd like to bring back some good memories by looking at your sentimental stuff so you go to them, pick out the things you'd like to see and they, I guess, reanimate them for you. Bring them back to actual size.
And when you're done having a jolly reminisince you can tell them to crush it back down to size and keep it for later.
I'm going to spend the next 1 minute reading back through this post.
Yes, I never denied being weird.
Ready, go.
I've been reading blogs for the past 30 minutes. And when I do that, I like to write in my own. Or maybe I had a feeling that I wanted to write something tonight, but instead I sat down and read other blogs instead.
When I read other blogs sometimes I get jealous. I think to myself, "Damn, I sometimes think that too. Why didn't I write that?"
But I don't write it because I feel like it would partially be plagiarism even though I would try to write it in a way that would sound like I was saying it.
I've been told that before. That I write like I speak. Or at the least that people can hear my voice when they read my words. I find that interesting. Maybe it's because I'm saying the words in my head as I am typing them?
Maybe.
I wanted to write for 30 minutes because I didn't want to sleep yet. I have been tossing and turning lately when I go to bed, even though I might be physically exhausted. Ever since I got back to Washington my right eye has been twitching. I wouldn't say I'm under a lot of stress, but maybe it's just a lot of little stresses that are messing with me. I wanted to write "stressers" or "stressors" but neither of them are actually words. Dumb.
For example, our garage is full of our crap right now. Or at least crap we haven't figured out where to put yet. When we left for Charleston I don't remember thinking we had packed that much and yet we had come home with more. Or at least it felt like more. Or at least when I got home I felt just fine with the things I had when we got here, then another 700 pounds of crap showed up one rainy night.
Oh I love the rainy night such a beautiful sight.
Not really.
So with all the crap in the garage we get to fit one car in there, and of course the brand new car goes in the garage so mine gets to sit outside...and I get to scrape off the frost tomorrow and freeze my hamstrings off tomorrow morning. See, little things.
I check the weather in Charleston every day and day dream about walking the dog (sad) down to the river.
Instead I get to walk her up to power lines that run to the substation almost a mile away. And have to cover my hands and ears with clothing because I am afraid they'll fall off. Not really, I'm being dramatic.
I try to rub the stress out of my twitching right eye but it doesn't work. I looked up causes and solutions to it but the internet - as it is probably about a third of the time I use it, was not completely helpful.
I mean, when was the last time any of us said, "I know for a fact that X". Where "X" equals something you know stone cold and hasn't been disproven (which blogger says isn't a word). I can hardly say it. I have to preface things with, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure that X". Why? Because Wiki will probably provide us with the answer. Who needs a brain (or Jeopardy?) when you've got wiki? And yes, I know even wiki can be wrong.
Wow, 9 minutes and I feel like I've gone down the wrong path on this post. I want to make a u-turn but I don't want to go back to what I originally was writing about.
We completely redesigned my "office" this past weekend. Paint. New shelves. Movement of furniture. New track lighting. All assuming that I'll be moving home with my job soon. I got a pretty sweet graphite or dark sand looking paint color in my room. I added this gold fleck to remind me of that dark sand color - sometimes you'd see the sand sparkle in the sun/moonlight when I was at the beach.
I was just thinking before I wrote this post - and as I was reading all the different blogs I follow that there's just too much out there. There's too much information available to us every day. Too many TV channels. Millions of web sites. So we put blinders on, or we try to condense as best as possible. It has almost become a chore for me to keep up on things I "enjoy". I don't think it's supposed to be that way. Jeez - that sounds like one of those questions that people ask you in regards to depression. "Do the things that you would normally enjoy not seem fulfilling any longer? Depression doesn't hurt just you, but it also hurts those around you."
I like to think that this is going to prevent the tossing and turning tonight. I like to think that all of the thoughts that keep me up at night I can throw out on this. I like to think I'll wake up tomorrow feeling refreshed. I like broccoli.
16 minutes. And at least 2 of them wasted looking down at the keyboard and trying to listen to my thoughts.
I am thinking that I wish I had written in the earlier part of this post about how some bloggers have this way of writing about things outside of themselves. How they do such a good job describing things and including very little about their own thoughts. I was thinking about how my blog is not even close to that - although sometimes I try. I was thinking how I didn't want to write this at this portion of this post because reading this now makes it seem like I'm scatterbrained. Which at times I can be.
For the past 4 days I've meant to call my dentist. For the past 8 years I've meant to give them my phone number instead of my parent's phone number. Then again, my parents could always give my dentist my phone number too. But maybe they like that little portion of parenting they have left. Every 6 months they get to call me and remind me that I've got a dentist appointment coming up. I get along with my dentist because 1) He is Asian (albeit Japanese) 2) He went to UW 3) He loves the Seahawks and actually helps track stats at every home game for them.
So like every good man to man relationship, we can always talk sports. Or, at least I can try my best to talk while my mouth is open. I wish I could get a cleaning every other week instead of once every 6 months. Within a couple days I feel like my teeth have reverted back to their old dirty ways (not really, I floss every other day and brush twice daily).
I've turned around a couple times because I see the reflection in the TV that's sitting on the desk in front of me. I think someone is creeping up behind me. But really it's just the movement of my fingers typing.
And then for some reason I was thinking about watermelons talking while I was writing about my dentist. I don't like to eat watermelon and people think I am crazy. I don't like the taste or the texture. It's kind of like a flimsy pear that was injected with water to me but with not that great of flavor. Give me an apple any day please.
But can you imagine walking in to a Top Foods (random store I know) and going in to the produce section and all of the watermelons were just chatting it up. All they had were mouths and when they talked you could see in to what I guess would be their throats. I would be creeped out seeing people throw watermelons in to their carts. I wonder what they would say when they were separated from the others.
Pretty good for 25 minutes so far.
Now on to the home stretch.
I have way too much crap that's got sentimental value. I wish things would be like this blog. Full of interesting stuff (for me to read) and it doesn't take up any of my own space at all. Like I wish I could send in something like my Bear Stearns Squeeze Bear which sits proudly atop my office desk - send it in to some company where they crush whatever you have way down to something that's maybe a millimeter thick and they place it in to a lock box for you. You pay a yearly fee of something like $25 and they just hold your compressed crap like that. Maybe someday you're thinking to yourself that you'd like to bring back some good memories by looking at your sentimental stuff so you go to them, pick out the things you'd like to see and they, I guess, reanimate them for you. Bring them back to actual size.
And when you're done having a jolly reminisince you can tell them to crush it back down to size and keep it for later.
I'm going to spend the next 1 minute reading back through this post.
Yes, I never denied being weird.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Home Sweet...Weird
You know that weird feeling...
When you run in to someone from your past
And they look oddly familiar to you
But you can't place them
And here they come...up to you...shaking your hand, giving you a pat on the shoulder, remembering your name and asking you how someone significant in your life is doing.
Yet you can't figure out their name. You can't figure out where you've spent time with them before. But you know you have.
And yes - how crazy it is that we run in to each other here of all places! Ha ha!
And finally you give in. You don't want to walk away from this conversation not knowing who this person was that was familiar.
Sometimes it completely clicks. You put it together. They've changed their hair! They've lost weight. Or maybe a complete wardrobe makeover.
Or, sometimes you're still at a complete loss. They try to explain it to you further. C'mon! Don't you remember me from summer camp 1997? Remember how we got stuck in that tree that we were climbing and we had to get a counselor to get a ladder? Hilarious right?
Still nothing. You're searching your memory.
That's how the past few hours have felt for me. I walked in to a house that I've spent a great amount of time in in the past. Things looked perfectly familiar, but in the slightest ways either they had changed or my memory never took proper pictures of them. More than likely the latter.
Things that weren't in my memory now confused me.
I don't remember the toilet bowls being so round. And small. I thought they had plastic handles, not metal. And the flushing is pretty weak. Do I remember them being this weak? Maybe. But it seems like so long ago.
The carpet is thinner and not as soft as I remember. When I was playing with the dog I got down on all fours and touched the carpet with my hands for the first time today. It looks the same, but it feels completely different. Is this my house or is this a copy of my house? That's exactly how I felt.
The couch sunk a lot. And I'm not sure if that was our renter sitting in it way too much, or maybe how I had sat on a very hard microfiber couch for the past 6 months. I asked the wife to look in to re-stuffing it when 6 months ago I didn't have one problem with it. In fact I specifically remember thinking how great it was to just throw my fat ass in to it after work.
The sink is shallow. Or maybe is it because the sink in Charleston was so deep. These are the things I can't decide. Did I think the sink was shallow before I left? Because I don't remember it being this shallow.
The pantry slides faster than I remember. When I opened it this afternoon I almost broke one of the folding doors because I slammed it up against the wall. Wasn't it harder to open this when I left? Did our renter grease the tracks? It was the same thing with the fridge. Almost as if the fridge had gone on a diet and lost weight while I was gone. It was scary how easy it was to open one of the fridge doors - and no I have not been lifting more than often.
The paintings and pictures that hang on the wall are crooked to me now. It's almost as if a minor tremor had shaken them from their spots - of what I remember. But did I ever notice if they were off-center before we left? I don't remember thinking that I should adjust anything that we had hanging.
The garbage. Wow, we have to separate out our garbage again. Washington State has curbside recycling pick up. And not only that, but instead of just bringing my trash bag to the garage to dump off I've got to put it in my trash can which has to be rolled to my curb once a week. It's amazing that I had forgotten about this after bringing the trash to the curb since I was a teenager. And if you knew how far away my curb was from my house you would know why this is somewhat shocking to me.
Our stove and microwave suck. The set up we had in Charleston was much better. Bigger. More technologically advanced. I didn't realize how spoiled I was to have a "reheat plate" setting on my microwave. Through 5 days of being back home I have had to either stop the microwave because of exploding food or reheat something because I didn't warm it up for long enough. The wife is already shopping for a new range.
The first time I needed silverware I looked in 3 different drawers before finding them. I could not believe it. I kept saying to myself, "Now, if I were me, where would I logically put the silverware?" I was embarrassed in my own house at the gap that was in my memory.
The house is much colder than I remember. And yet we have the heater on at 68 degrees while we're home. Just like we had it before we left. Is it because it's not 80 degrees outside? Is that why I'm so cold?
It took me about 3 weeks of living in Charleston to get used to our living space and where everything was. And since we just received the shipment from Charleston of all of our household goods I'm assuming it will take me just as long now that I'm home. I've stashed away a lot of things today that I am sure I will need within the next 3 to 6 months. Then I'll sit there and scratch my head and wonder if I lost it in Charleston or if it's buried deep under my pile of crap somewhere in the corner of a closet that hasn't seen any action in the last 3 to 6 months.
But when that time comes, I'll deal. And until then, I will require time to readjust - get reacquainted. It was kind of tough for me to come home to such fanfare and celebration - because I don't feel comfortable here yet. And I don't want it feel like home just yet.
For those reading - I'd recommend looking around at the place you call "home". What are things that you just don't even recognize where you are? The color of the walls, the placement of furniture or art. The characteristics of your appliances. These are things I just kind of expected. Nothing I ever paid any attention to until now. I guess there wasn't enough room in the brain for it all, and I am afraid I've already pushed out some of Charleston to make room for Bothell.
I guess the best way to put it would be that it feels comfortable - but in a sense like a 4 or 5 star hotel. The realization that I might be here for a solid amount of time still hasn't sunk in yet. I'm waiting to get that email that says, "Want to go back to Charleston?"
And I might be waiting for a long time.
When you run in to someone from your past
And they look oddly familiar to you
But you can't place them
And here they come...up to you...shaking your hand, giving you a pat on the shoulder, remembering your name and asking you how someone significant in your life is doing.
Yet you can't figure out their name. You can't figure out where you've spent time with them before. But you know you have.
And yes - how crazy it is that we run in to each other here of all places! Ha ha!
And finally you give in. You don't want to walk away from this conversation not knowing who this person was that was familiar.
Sometimes it completely clicks. You put it together. They've changed their hair! They've lost weight. Or maybe a complete wardrobe makeover.
Or, sometimes you're still at a complete loss. They try to explain it to you further. C'mon! Don't you remember me from summer camp 1997? Remember how we got stuck in that tree that we were climbing and we had to get a counselor to get a ladder? Hilarious right?
Still nothing. You're searching your memory.
That's how the past few hours have felt for me. I walked in to a house that I've spent a great amount of time in in the past. Things looked perfectly familiar, but in the slightest ways either they had changed or my memory never took proper pictures of them. More than likely the latter.
Things that weren't in my memory now confused me.
I don't remember the toilet bowls being so round. And small. I thought they had plastic handles, not metal. And the flushing is pretty weak. Do I remember them being this weak? Maybe. But it seems like so long ago.
The carpet is thinner and not as soft as I remember. When I was playing with the dog I got down on all fours and touched the carpet with my hands for the first time today. It looks the same, but it feels completely different. Is this my house or is this a copy of my house? That's exactly how I felt.
The couch sunk a lot. And I'm not sure if that was our renter sitting in it way too much, or maybe how I had sat on a very hard microfiber couch for the past 6 months. I asked the wife to look in to re-stuffing it when 6 months ago I didn't have one problem with it. In fact I specifically remember thinking how great it was to just throw my fat ass in to it after work.
The sink is shallow. Or maybe is it because the sink in Charleston was so deep. These are the things I can't decide. Did I think the sink was shallow before I left? Because I don't remember it being this shallow.
The pantry slides faster than I remember. When I opened it this afternoon I almost broke one of the folding doors because I slammed it up against the wall. Wasn't it harder to open this when I left? Did our renter grease the tracks? It was the same thing with the fridge. Almost as if the fridge had gone on a diet and lost weight while I was gone. It was scary how easy it was to open one of the fridge doors - and no I have not been lifting more than often.
The paintings and pictures that hang on the wall are crooked to me now. It's almost as if a minor tremor had shaken them from their spots - of what I remember. But did I ever notice if they were off-center before we left? I don't remember thinking that I should adjust anything that we had hanging.
The garbage. Wow, we have to separate out our garbage again. Washington State has curbside recycling pick up. And not only that, but instead of just bringing my trash bag to the garage to dump off I've got to put it in my trash can which has to be rolled to my curb once a week. It's amazing that I had forgotten about this after bringing the trash to the curb since I was a teenager. And if you knew how far away my curb was from my house you would know why this is somewhat shocking to me.
Our stove and microwave suck. The set up we had in Charleston was much better. Bigger. More technologically advanced. I didn't realize how spoiled I was to have a "reheat plate" setting on my microwave. Through 5 days of being back home I have had to either stop the microwave because of exploding food or reheat something because I didn't warm it up for long enough. The wife is already shopping for a new range.
The first time I needed silverware I looked in 3 different drawers before finding them. I could not believe it. I kept saying to myself, "Now, if I were me, where would I logically put the silverware?" I was embarrassed in my own house at the gap that was in my memory.
The house is much colder than I remember. And yet we have the heater on at 68 degrees while we're home. Just like we had it before we left. Is it because it's not 80 degrees outside? Is that why I'm so cold?
It took me about 3 weeks of living in Charleston to get used to our living space and where everything was. And since we just received the shipment from Charleston of all of our household goods I'm assuming it will take me just as long now that I'm home. I've stashed away a lot of things today that I am sure I will need within the next 3 to 6 months. Then I'll sit there and scratch my head and wonder if I lost it in Charleston or if it's buried deep under my pile of crap somewhere in the corner of a closet that hasn't seen any action in the last 3 to 6 months.
But when that time comes, I'll deal. And until then, I will require time to readjust - get reacquainted. It was kind of tough for me to come home to such fanfare and celebration - because I don't feel comfortable here yet. And I don't want it feel like home just yet.
For those reading - I'd recommend looking around at the place you call "home". What are things that you just don't even recognize where you are? The color of the walls, the placement of furniture or art. The characteristics of your appliances. These are things I just kind of expected. Nothing I ever paid any attention to until now. I guess there wasn't enough room in the brain for it all, and I am afraid I've already pushed out some of Charleston to make room for Bothell.
I guess the best way to put it would be that it feels comfortable - but in a sense like a 4 or 5 star hotel. The realization that I might be here for a solid amount of time still hasn't sunk in yet. I'm waiting to get that email that says, "Want to go back to Charleston?"
And I might be waiting for a long time.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
I Remember - Charleston Style
It's crazy to me that 6 months ago, I was on the road driving through a lot of states I had never seen before. And in a couple days I'll be doing the same thing, but this time heading to a place I've been my entire life.
So knowing that, I wanted to write about a few things that stuck out in my mind before I leave. Things that hopefully I will remember forever (regardless of how random they are) but if not I can come back to this blog and read about it again.
I remember:
-The first night we finally got to Charleston. Of course I got to see my very first Southern storm. The rain in the south is not like the rain I was used to in Seattle. Even when the wind whips around in Seattle that rain isn't as hard as it is in Charleston. It was almost like the rain drops were bigger than I was used to. And I remember driving to our hotel that first night, barely being able to see out the windshield and suddenly hearing this loud CLAP and BOOM immediately afterward, seeing as how a bolt of lightning had either just struck the car, or had hit somewhere very close to us. I thought it was a fitting welcoming party.
-Trying to unpack that night. Trying to pull all of the luggage and everything else out of the car in a downpour. Only to check in to a hotel we absolutely hated and moved out of the next morning.
-Losing my ass in the market during the drive out to Charleston. Only to make back everything while trading from a hotel room at the Residence Inn in North Charleston. Sitting there, waiting to move in to our house which still had renters in it. I remember the free beer and free food they had at the Residence Inn. I guess this is something they did at most of the hotels down here. Free breakfast - and not just your standard bagels and muffins, but actually pancakes, waffles, bacon, sausage and eggs. And free happy hour dinner. Free keg of beer, and typically a BBQ dinner.
-Taking the dog on a walk around the hotel and her getting bitten by ants. At that point I realized I had to take the "critters" down here a lot more seriously than I did at home.
-Going to the most empty Costco I had ever seen in my entire life. Granted, it was during working hours, but the parking lot was almost empty. I remember sitting in the car and eating a Costco hot dog (which wasn't as good as back home) and a salad in the sun and feeling that nice breeze.
-Getting my car shipped to the hotel and driving to the house we'd be living in for the next 6 months. Windows rolled down, blasting the music and driving through the gorgeous lowcountry. That turn off of the 526 to Daniel Island surprised me the first time. It was almost a 90 degree turn that I thought I would be run off the road by.
-Going to the Isle of Palms for the first time. And looking around and thinking to myself, "This is what a Carolina beach is supposed to look like. I can't believe we live so close to this." And immediately understimating the power of the sun and getting burned. I remember swimming in that ocean - tiny waves but still a lot of fun. Cheaping out on an umbrella that would constantly fly away on us.
-Sitting by one of the many community pools on the "DI" and reading my book. Wishing I was retired down here.
-Being so scared the day I left for Europe. Which was only 10 days after moving in to our new house. It was storming throughout the morning and the wife was so afraid to be alone in a new place.
-Having my cousin that had lived down here for a few months introduce us to all his favorite places to eat. Jim and Nick's, Sushi Hiro, Home Team BBQ. There were so many great places to eat in Charleston - Tsunami, King Street Grill, Fatz, Huddle/Waffle House (not really), Five Guys, Dog and Duck, Gene's Haufbrau, Virginia's on King, Joseph's, Seabiscuit, Boulevard Diner, Bookstore Cafe, Sweetwater Cafe and Fulton Five only to name the restaurants I can think of.
-The food down here. Collared greens. Shrimp and Grits. Fried Chicken...and waffles. Fried green tomatoes, pickles, and okra.
-Downtown Charleston. All the shops. All the old homes. Battery Street. King Street. East Bay Street. Calhoun. The frustration from the lack of a grid system and too many one way streets in the wrong places. The bar scene downtown off of Market and the way people dressed up down here to go out. Walking across the Arthur J Ravenel bridge. The Farmer's market they held every Saturday morning. The crepes, the mini-doughnuts, the live music, art and fresh farm produce. All the churches and graveyards, the cobblestone drives, the government buildings that had survived generations. The ghost tours - one on boat and one by foot.
-Going to Florida multiple times to visit the wife's Grandma. Realizing each time how much better a city Charleston was than Tampa Bay. But happy to play golf for free. Watching an old projection screen TV each time until we conviced her to go out and buy a new LCD. Being stuck to leather couches in a house that was 82 degrees. Swimming in an outdoor pool that wasn't much better.
-Discovering the surrounding areas and all their small town Southern charm. Hilton Head, Beaufort, Savannah, Columbia, Folly Beach. It's nothing like where I'm from. Each town has it's own character. That's something I'll definitely miss coming from the land of strip malls filled with Quizno's, Target and Starbucks circa 1990s. There are buildings and houses down here that are centuries old. There's something about knowing that generations of people have walked the same path as I have. New buildings definitely have their benefits but after seeing what history has to offer I just think they lack soul sometimes.
There is definitely more memories in this head of mine. When I get them out on paper I'll post them up in October.
So knowing that, I wanted to write about a few things that stuck out in my mind before I leave. Things that hopefully I will remember forever (regardless of how random they are) but if not I can come back to this blog and read about it again.
I remember:
-The first night we finally got to Charleston. Of course I got to see my very first Southern storm. The rain in the south is not like the rain I was used to in Seattle. Even when the wind whips around in Seattle that rain isn't as hard as it is in Charleston. It was almost like the rain drops were bigger than I was used to. And I remember driving to our hotel that first night, barely being able to see out the windshield and suddenly hearing this loud CLAP and BOOM immediately afterward, seeing as how a bolt of lightning had either just struck the car, or had hit somewhere very close to us. I thought it was a fitting welcoming party.
-Trying to unpack that night. Trying to pull all of the luggage and everything else out of the car in a downpour. Only to check in to a hotel we absolutely hated and moved out of the next morning.
-Losing my ass in the market during the drive out to Charleston. Only to make back everything while trading from a hotel room at the Residence Inn in North Charleston. Sitting there, waiting to move in to our house which still had renters in it. I remember the free beer and free food they had at the Residence Inn. I guess this is something they did at most of the hotels down here. Free breakfast - and not just your standard bagels and muffins, but actually pancakes, waffles, bacon, sausage and eggs. And free happy hour dinner. Free keg of beer, and typically a BBQ dinner.
-Taking the dog on a walk around the hotel and her getting bitten by ants. At that point I realized I had to take the "critters" down here a lot more seriously than I did at home.
-Going to the most empty Costco I had ever seen in my entire life. Granted, it was during working hours, but the parking lot was almost empty. I remember sitting in the car and eating a Costco hot dog (which wasn't as good as back home) and a salad in the sun and feeling that nice breeze.
-Getting my car shipped to the hotel and driving to the house we'd be living in for the next 6 months. Windows rolled down, blasting the music and driving through the gorgeous lowcountry. That turn off of the 526 to Daniel Island surprised me the first time. It was almost a 90 degree turn that I thought I would be run off the road by.
-Going to the Isle of Palms for the first time. And looking around and thinking to myself, "This is what a Carolina beach is supposed to look like. I can't believe we live so close to this." And immediately understimating the power of the sun and getting burned. I remember swimming in that ocean - tiny waves but still a lot of fun. Cheaping out on an umbrella that would constantly fly away on us.
-Sitting by one of the many community pools on the "DI" and reading my book. Wishing I was retired down here.
-Being so scared the day I left for Europe. Which was only 10 days after moving in to our new house. It was storming throughout the morning and the wife was so afraid to be alone in a new place.
-Having my cousin that had lived down here for a few months introduce us to all his favorite places to eat. Jim and Nick's, Sushi Hiro, Home Team BBQ. There were so many great places to eat in Charleston - Tsunami, King Street Grill, Fatz, Huddle/Waffle House (not really), Five Guys, Dog and Duck, Gene's Haufbrau, Virginia's on King, Joseph's, Seabiscuit, Boulevard Diner, Bookstore Cafe, Sweetwater Cafe and Fulton Five only to name the restaurants I can think of.
-The food down here. Collared greens. Shrimp and Grits. Fried Chicken...and waffles. Fried green tomatoes, pickles, and okra.
-Downtown Charleston. All the shops. All the old homes. Battery Street. King Street. East Bay Street. Calhoun. The frustration from the lack of a grid system and too many one way streets in the wrong places. The bar scene downtown off of Market and the way people dressed up down here to go out. Walking across the Arthur J Ravenel bridge. The Farmer's market they held every Saturday morning. The crepes, the mini-doughnuts, the live music, art and fresh farm produce. All the churches and graveyards, the cobblestone drives, the government buildings that had survived generations. The ghost tours - one on boat and one by foot.
-Going to Florida multiple times to visit the wife's Grandma. Realizing each time how much better a city Charleston was than Tampa Bay. But happy to play golf for free. Watching an old projection screen TV each time until we conviced her to go out and buy a new LCD. Being stuck to leather couches in a house that was 82 degrees. Swimming in an outdoor pool that wasn't much better.
-Discovering the surrounding areas and all their small town Southern charm. Hilton Head, Beaufort, Savannah, Columbia, Folly Beach. It's nothing like where I'm from. Each town has it's own character. That's something I'll definitely miss coming from the land of strip malls filled with Quizno's, Target and Starbucks circa 1990s. There are buildings and houses down here that are centuries old. There's something about knowing that generations of people have walked the same path as I have. New buildings definitely have their benefits but after seeing what history has to offer I just think they lack soul sometimes.
There is definitely more memories in this head of mine. When I get them out on paper I'll post them up in October.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Recession Preparedness
The market is typically early to the party. My guess about 6 months early.
Which means that recession is headed our way. A true, defined recession of at least 2 quarters of negative GDP. We haven't been involved in a technically defined recession yet, but I feel like it's been slow to come on, and we will definitely be slow to come out of it. In my opinion the economy has been in recession since about February of this year.
Knowing this, it's important that we all be prepared. I by no means am prepared and the questionnaire I'm writing is more for my own enjoyment (partial daydreaming or thinking about how much worse it could be for me). Also, given the current economic landscape I feel a calling towards financial planning for people who have gotten themselves in to trouble. I haven't seriously looked in to a position like that though.
Below is the questionnaire. Score along if you'd like to see how you stack up. You may need a calculator and your bank and credit card statements to help you out.
Question 1:
When I add up all of my necessary monthly bills which I need to pay in order to live (mortgage/rent, utilities, food) they equal which percentage of my monthly income?
A) 20% or less
B) 35%
C) 50%
D) 70% or more
Question 2:
Assuming the possibility of a 10% unemployment rate (or higher) the likelihood of me losing my job is:
A) Highly Likely or already lost my job
B) Likely
C) Unlikely
D) Will not happen or I am my own boss and wouldn't lay myself off
Question 3:
When someone asks me about my health I say:
A) I eat well and exercise regularly. I am almost never sick, have a good family history and am drug and disease free
B) I try my best to eat well, but time constraints make me cut corners and skip workouts
C) I don't watch what I eat and walking up the stairs in my house is enough exercise for me
Question 4:
When I look at the things I pay for on a monthly basis which are not necessary in order for me to live they equal what percentage of my monthly income?
A) 10% or less
B) 20%
C) 30%
D) 40% or more
Question 5:
If I were to pay off all of my credit cards right now - allowing your bank account to possibly go negative - how long would it take to get back to your current financial standing?
A) I feel that I could never get back if I paid off all of my credit cards.
B) It might take me two to three years.
C) One year or less.
D) I don't have any credit card debt to pay off.
Question 6:
My savings habits look like the following:
A) I am barely scraping by making minimum payments on my credit cards and might possibly default on my loans. It is not possible for me to save a dime.
B) I set up this thing called a 401K through my employer. Not sure what that is though.
C) I contribute the amount my company will match to my 401K and have started an IRA for anything extra I can afford to save.
D) I contribute the amount my company will match to my 401K, max out my IRA every year and put the rest in to a cash nest egg to be used for emergencies only.
Question 7:
The amount I have saved (non-retirement):
A) I have enough cash to afford my life for a year or more without any income to supplement it.
B) I have enough cash to afford my life for 6 months without any income to supplement it.
C) If I really cut back my spending lifestyle and sold a few things I might be able to survive 2 or 3 months without any income.
D) You mean you have more than $0 in your bank account?
Final Question, Question 8:
How concerned are you with the current economy and the economy over the next 2 to 3 years?
A) Don't know, don't care. Ignorance is bliss.
B) I read the news every now and then, hasn't affected me personally and therefore I have not changed my lifestyle.
C) I have educated myself on what is happening in the economy and have taken the necessary steps to insure I avoid any future financial stress.
D) What the media has been saying has made me very nervous. I have taken all of my money out of the bank and stashed it under the mattress. Here comes the next great depression!
Scoring Key:
Q1: A.4 B.3 C.2 D.1
Q2: A.1 B.2 C.3 D.4
Q3: A.4 B.3 C.1
Q4: A.4 B.3 C.2 D.1
Q5: A.1 B.2 C.3 D.4
Q6: A.1 B.2 C.3 D.4
Q7: A.4 B.3 C.2 D.1
Q8: A.1 B.2 C.4 D.1
Scoring Guide:
8-16: You are in a deep world of hurt and may know this, or may have just ignored it for too long. Take a serious look at your current financial standing and take action. Make a plan to take control over your own financial well being or consult a professional who can help guide you through the economic turmoil.
17-25: You are doing better than those that are really hurting out there. You are financially stable but if you or your partner were to lose your job for a few months it would really hurt. You are trying your best to save but it always seems like a struggle just to have enough in order to enjoy the money you work for every now and then.
26-32: You are recession proof. A financial all-star. Kudos. Somewhere along the way either you figured it out or someone who has lived through hard times before pointed you in the right direction. You have very little to worry about financially, and even if there is an issue that arises you've got enough padding for a very soft landing.
Author's note: Personally I scored a 22. Which puts me in the middle to upper range in the 2nd category. I am alright with being there - but obviously it can be better and I will continue to push to get to "recession proof" status. Good luck to all of us over the next few years as we navigate these rough economic waters. And by luck I mean when excellent recession preparedness meets the possible coming recession.
Which means that recession is headed our way. A true, defined recession of at least 2 quarters of negative GDP. We haven't been involved in a technically defined recession yet, but I feel like it's been slow to come on, and we will definitely be slow to come out of it. In my opinion the economy has been in recession since about February of this year.
Knowing this, it's important that we all be prepared. I by no means am prepared and the questionnaire I'm writing is more for my own enjoyment (partial daydreaming or thinking about how much worse it could be for me). Also, given the current economic landscape I feel a calling towards financial planning for people who have gotten themselves in to trouble. I haven't seriously looked in to a position like that though.
Below is the questionnaire. Score along if you'd like to see how you stack up. You may need a calculator and your bank and credit card statements to help you out.
Question 1:
When I add up all of my necessary monthly bills which I need to pay in order to live (mortgage/rent, utilities, food) they equal which percentage of my monthly income?
A) 20% or less
B) 35%
C) 50%
D) 70% or more
Question 2:
Assuming the possibility of a 10% unemployment rate (or higher) the likelihood of me losing my job is:
A) Highly Likely or already lost my job
B) Likely
C) Unlikely
D) Will not happen or I am my own boss and wouldn't lay myself off
Question 3:
When someone asks me about my health I say:
A) I eat well and exercise regularly. I am almost never sick, have a good family history and am drug and disease free
B) I try my best to eat well, but time constraints make me cut corners and skip workouts
C) I don't watch what I eat and walking up the stairs in my house is enough exercise for me
Question 4:
When I look at the things I pay for on a monthly basis which are not necessary in order for me to live they equal what percentage of my monthly income?
A) 10% or less
B) 20%
C) 30%
D) 40% or more
Question 5:
If I were to pay off all of my credit cards right now - allowing your bank account to possibly go negative - how long would it take to get back to your current financial standing?
A) I feel that I could never get back if I paid off all of my credit cards.
B) It might take me two to three years.
C) One year or less.
D) I don't have any credit card debt to pay off.
Question 6:
My savings habits look like the following:
A) I am barely scraping by making minimum payments on my credit cards and might possibly default on my loans. It is not possible for me to save a dime.
B) I set up this thing called a 401K through my employer. Not sure what that is though.
C) I contribute the amount my company will match to my 401K and have started an IRA for anything extra I can afford to save.
D) I contribute the amount my company will match to my 401K, max out my IRA every year and put the rest in to a cash nest egg to be used for emergencies only.
Question 7:
The amount I have saved (non-retirement):
A) I have enough cash to afford my life for a year or more without any income to supplement it.
B) I have enough cash to afford my life for 6 months without any income to supplement it.
C) If I really cut back my spending lifestyle and sold a few things I might be able to survive 2 or 3 months without any income.
D) You mean you have more than $0 in your bank account?
Final Question, Question 8:
How concerned are you with the current economy and the economy over the next 2 to 3 years?
A) Don't know, don't care. Ignorance is bliss.
B) I read the news every now and then, hasn't affected me personally and therefore I have not changed my lifestyle.
C) I have educated myself on what is happening in the economy and have taken the necessary steps to insure I avoid any future financial stress.
D) What the media has been saying has made me very nervous. I have taken all of my money out of the bank and stashed it under the mattress. Here comes the next great depression!
Scoring Key:
Q1: A.4 B.3 C.2 D.1
Q2: A.1 B.2 C.3 D.4
Q3: A.4 B.3 C.1
Q4: A.4 B.3 C.2 D.1
Q5: A.1 B.2 C.3 D.4
Q6: A.1 B.2 C.3 D.4
Q7: A.4 B.3 C.2 D.1
Q8: A.1 B.2 C.4 D.1
Scoring Guide:
8-16: You are in a deep world of hurt and may know this, or may have just ignored it for too long. Take a serious look at your current financial standing and take action. Make a plan to take control over your own financial well being or consult a professional who can help guide you through the economic turmoil.
17-25: You are doing better than those that are really hurting out there. You are financially stable but if you or your partner were to lose your job for a few months it would really hurt. You are trying your best to save but it always seems like a struggle just to have enough in order to enjoy the money you work for every now and then.
26-32: You are recession proof. A financial all-star. Kudos. Somewhere along the way either you figured it out or someone who has lived through hard times before pointed you in the right direction. You have very little to worry about financially, and even if there is an issue that arises you've got enough padding for a very soft landing.
Author's note: Personally I scored a 22. Which puts me in the middle to upper range in the 2nd category. I am alright with being there - but obviously it can be better and I will continue to push to get to "recession proof" status. Good luck to all of us over the next few years as we navigate these rough economic waters. And by luck I mean when excellent recession preparedness meets the possible coming recession.
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
30 days
I can't believe it.
Really I've been counting down since 45 days, but who does that?
I do.
But, it would seem kind of weird to post 45 days out (although I did want to).
We had some friends visit us from Seattle - they actually had come to visit us about a week before we left for Charleston too.
And it's so weird to think, that just 5 months ago I was sitting in my living room thinking about what Charleston would be like. What it would be like to drive across the country and pack up most of our stuff and have it shipped 3,000 miles. What the weather would be like and whether or not I'd feel comfortable out here.
And now, with 30 days left, I don't want to leave. And sadly, everyday I feel like I do this place a little injustice by doing the same things I've done the past 5 months. Work Monday through Friday, 9:30 am to 6 pm. Take the dog out on long walks in the morning and the afternoon. Enjoy great food at restaurants we've never eaten at - and possibly may never eat at again. It's like graduating all over again. You do everything in your power to hold on to that last little bit of time - you write out your memories hoping to relive them through your words and take pictures to remind yourself what it looked like - but the whole time you're trying to hold on, to create more memories, it just goes that much faster. I honestly think I might cry when I leave this place - having to return home after seeing what a beautiful part of this country has to offer.
I've already talked to the wife about coming out here maybe 5 or 10 years from now for vacation. To see what's changed. What's different. Or what's still the same. But just like 6 months ago how I couldn't imagine what October would look like - here I sit not being able to imagine what 5 years from now will look like.
So, I'm a little depressed. But it's that sad type of smile that's on my face - to know that I was lucky to have the financial freedom to take a trip like this. And looking back on the last 5 months - everything was better than I ever expected it to be. Once again the beauty of being a pessimist (but leaning towards more of a realist).
Here I am. Continuing to count down. Times like these I wonder why I had ever wanted time to move faster. I could hear nothing better right now than we were staying for maybe another 2-3 months. But I know I'd just be fooling myself. Like the high school senior couple that's breaking up because one of them is going to college out of state. That one extra kiss will just make it that much more painful to go.
29 days starting tomorrow.
And then it's on the road again and back to a familiar gray.
This month is definitely going to be hard on me.
Really I've been counting down since 45 days, but who does that?
I do.
But, it would seem kind of weird to post 45 days out (although I did want to).
We had some friends visit us from Seattle - they actually had come to visit us about a week before we left for Charleston too.
And it's so weird to think, that just 5 months ago I was sitting in my living room thinking about what Charleston would be like. What it would be like to drive across the country and pack up most of our stuff and have it shipped 3,000 miles. What the weather would be like and whether or not I'd feel comfortable out here.
And now, with 30 days left, I don't want to leave. And sadly, everyday I feel like I do this place a little injustice by doing the same things I've done the past 5 months. Work Monday through Friday, 9:30 am to 6 pm. Take the dog out on long walks in the morning and the afternoon. Enjoy great food at restaurants we've never eaten at - and possibly may never eat at again. It's like graduating all over again. You do everything in your power to hold on to that last little bit of time - you write out your memories hoping to relive them through your words and take pictures to remind yourself what it looked like - but the whole time you're trying to hold on, to create more memories, it just goes that much faster. I honestly think I might cry when I leave this place - having to return home after seeing what a beautiful part of this country has to offer.
I've already talked to the wife about coming out here maybe 5 or 10 years from now for vacation. To see what's changed. What's different. Or what's still the same. But just like 6 months ago how I couldn't imagine what October would look like - here I sit not being able to imagine what 5 years from now will look like.
So, I'm a little depressed. But it's that sad type of smile that's on my face - to know that I was lucky to have the financial freedom to take a trip like this. And looking back on the last 5 months - everything was better than I ever expected it to be. Once again the beauty of being a pessimist (but leaning towards more of a realist).
Here I am. Continuing to count down. Times like these I wonder why I had ever wanted time to move faster. I could hear nothing better right now than we were staying for maybe another 2-3 months. But I know I'd just be fooling myself. Like the high school senior couple that's breaking up because one of them is going to college out of state. That one extra kiss will just make it that much more painful to go.
29 days starting tomorrow.
And then it's on the road again and back to a familiar gray.
This month is definitely going to be hard on me.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Millionaire Daydreaming (Part 2)
So making the money is maybe half the fun.
The other half is deciding how to use it.
When you hear about people winning the lotto or a large sum of money, you usually hear about the things they buy immediately afterward.
I have also heard of the depression or suicide that may even come after a large windfall like that. This usually results from poor money management. Those who didn't know what to do with their money before they won the lotto usually aren't going to know what to do with the money after they win.
But they mostly do what they would think people who had just won the lotto do: Spend. Keep spending. New million dollar-plus house in a nice neighborhood chalked full of all the most expensive furniture, cookware, electronics. New cars. A boat maybe. Jewelry. Brand new wardrobe.
And by the time they look up, they've got all the best stuff, but now most of the money is gone - and maybe the emptiness inside arises from them not feeling like they deserved any of this. And of course they've quit their jobs because what was the point in making a mere fraction of what they had just won?
Well, this would never happen to me.
Mainly because I don't buy lotto tickets. But assuming I had made that ridiculous overnight win of over $1.4 million in a Goldman Sachs option, here's what I would do:
-Wake up the next morning and check my "Total equity" statement. Check my "Day trader buying power" which allows me a 4:1 ability on the funds in the account. Be amazed by both of the numbers.
-Immediately withdraw $1.2 million of it leaving the account with $250K to trade with. The ideal amount I've always wanted. Enough to keep my standard of living currently for a few years without going broke (in the market).
-Of that $1.2 million I would take $400K of it and put it in a 6 month CD yielding 4%. I would do this for tax purposes. By putting the money in a CD it would guarantee that I didn't touch that money until at least March of 2009, when I could take it out and make sure it went to the IRS. Thanks a lot for almost nothing in return by the way.
-The next thing I would do is handle my loans. We currently hold 4 loans in order of size: Our main 30 year fixed mortgage on our primary residence. A 5/1 ARM on our rental property. Our HELOC. And finally our car loan.
-Of the $800K I would take $100K to pay off our HELOC. This would allow me to refinance our primary residence mortgage. I would take another $150K to apply to our 30 year fixed mortgage and refinance it to a 15 year fixed. This would provide us not only with a lower monthly payment on our house, but it would also insure that with at least one of us working that we could afford the mortgage. We could also get the mortgage paid off sooner with a shorter loan time frame. I understand that paying down your mortgage isn't the smartest thing to do with your money, but given the times we're in right now I want to be safe.
-I would take another $50K and apply it toward our rental property's mortgage. I would also refinance that property in to a 15 year fixed loan. This would make for a much smaller monthly mortgage payment than we are paying now. We could then drop the rent on any future renters (or even our current ones assuming they stay after their year lease is up) and as long as we kept tenants we could make a nice profit over the next 15 years - even assuming we didn't sell at the end of 15 years.
Still keeping up? We're down to $500K now. Money goes fast when you're spending it.
-I'd take care of the cars. My dad always talks about getting his BMW 540. Well the 540 is no more, but we can get him a brand new 535. Out the door we're looking at around $65K full loaded. I imagine driving it home to him one day, red bow on top and all. Personally I've always dreamed of driving an Audi S4. It has been my dream car for the past 8 years. But then again I've never test driven one before - don't want to tempt myself because I can afford one - I just couldn't afford any gas for it or the insurance. But now that I've got cash available, why not? Out the door I'm looking at another $55K.
-Since I got the car, and the wife already had a nice car previously, we're going to keep her car. But of course we're going to have to spend a good chunk on her too. Only fair right? I'd allot up to $50K to her, but I'm sure she'd even have a hard time spending it. Or maybe not. You never know until you put someone in that sort of situation. I'm sure she'd get all the upgrades she wanted on the house. That is if I was able to talk her in to not getting a new house entirely. Notice how I was happy paying off the house we currently own? And not taking $300K of this money and putting it down on a million dollar home near the water? Yeah, that would be her blog post of how to spend a million dollars...not mine. Anyway, I'm sure she'd get the hard woods in most of the house (which is mostly carpet), upgrade the kitchen (our microwave sucks) and probably find more furniture. Also, she'd be free to spend at all the designer places that charge way too much for everything - without any guilt. Don't even get me started on the possibility of jewelry...
-Of course I can't forget my mom(s). Plural now. We'd have to find something nice for both of our sets of parents. They're all pretty frugal so I'm assuming they'd be happy with spending about $25K for each of the sets of parents. We could probably do a nice big family cruise with all of us.
-Split up another $100K to siblings. $50K to my sister and $25K each to the wife's brothers. I'd like to see the money spent properly though. Almost like mine - sure take a little off the top for a little fun, but save or invest the rest.
$180K to go now. We're almost there...all of this spending is getting tiring. But I definitely would not mind having to make these decisions.
-I would of course throw a huge party for all of my friends. Take them all out. But I don't have hundreds of friends. So at the most I think we could ever spend for a ridiculous party would be maybe $5-$10K. What I really want to do for them though is I want them to share the same love for money making that I had. I want them to hit it big like I had. Or at the least give it a shot. So for 4 of my friends - whoever wanted to, I would give them the ability to trade my money. I'd dole out $30K to 4 different people. Allow them to lose 20% ($6K) on me - which would drop them under the day trading requirement amount anyway. Once (if) they lost that $6K they could give the money back to me, no hard feelings. Anything they made though would be there's to keep, but once they had doubled their money, I'd like my initial start up capital back. If they never doubled it, no big deal. Just having them trading with me would be a lot of fun - having the ability to bounce ideas off one another, making a mini-competition of it, hopefully all becoming wealthy together. That is another place where lotto winners go wrong. They give out the money to friends and just like the lotto winners, those friends blow that money and come back looking for more. I want my friends to make money off of the money that I give to them.
-With the last portion of the money I would max out a 529 account for none other than myself. In the near future I'll be getting my MBA, and of course that's going to cost a good chunk of money. Why get my MBA when I had made so much money? Almost a million and a half dollars is a nice chunk of change for a guy in his mid-20s, but it's definitely not enough to retire comfortably for the rest of my life (obviously given what I would do with the money). In fact, although I might call in sick for a couple days after making that trade to celebrate, I'd still willingly go back in to work afterward. Nope, unfortunately to retire comfortably right now I'd need $5 million. It's never enough is it? Well maybe someday it will be.
After reading through this you might be thinking that I didn't do anything fun with the money. You're exactly right. That's where previous big money winners in the past have gone wrong.
But if I were to do something completely different I'd consider starting my own hedge fund and be open to accepting OPM (Other People's Money). Or I could launch a set of Five Guys franchises in Washington. I could go out and pick up 3 or 4 foreclosed homes on the cheap and hopefully sell them in 5-10 years. There's obviously so many things I could do, but I like to live like my parents - allergic to payments, intolerable of debt.
At the least though, it's nice to dream.
The other half is deciding how to use it.
When you hear about people winning the lotto or a large sum of money, you usually hear about the things they buy immediately afterward.
I have also heard of the depression or suicide that may even come after a large windfall like that. This usually results from poor money management. Those who didn't know what to do with their money before they won the lotto usually aren't going to know what to do with the money after they win.
But they mostly do what they would think people who had just won the lotto do: Spend. Keep spending. New million dollar-plus house in a nice neighborhood chalked full of all the most expensive furniture, cookware, electronics. New cars. A boat maybe. Jewelry. Brand new wardrobe.
And by the time they look up, they've got all the best stuff, but now most of the money is gone - and maybe the emptiness inside arises from them not feeling like they deserved any of this. And of course they've quit their jobs because what was the point in making a mere fraction of what they had just won?
Well, this would never happen to me.
Mainly because I don't buy lotto tickets. But assuming I had made that ridiculous overnight win of over $1.4 million in a Goldman Sachs option, here's what I would do:
-Wake up the next morning and check my "Total equity" statement. Check my "Day trader buying power" which allows me a 4:1 ability on the funds in the account. Be amazed by both of the numbers.
-Immediately withdraw $1.2 million of it leaving the account with $250K to trade with. The ideal amount I've always wanted. Enough to keep my standard of living currently for a few years without going broke (in the market).
-Of that $1.2 million I would take $400K of it and put it in a 6 month CD yielding 4%. I would do this for tax purposes. By putting the money in a CD it would guarantee that I didn't touch that money until at least March of 2009, when I could take it out and make sure it went to the IRS. Thanks a lot for almost nothing in return by the way.
-The next thing I would do is handle my loans. We currently hold 4 loans in order of size: Our main 30 year fixed mortgage on our primary residence. A 5/1 ARM on our rental property. Our HELOC. And finally our car loan.
-Of the $800K I would take $100K to pay off our HELOC. This would allow me to refinance our primary residence mortgage. I would take another $150K to apply to our 30 year fixed mortgage and refinance it to a 15 year fixed. This would provide us not only with a lower monthly payment on our house, but it would also insure that with at least one of us working that we could afford the mortgage. We could also get the mortgage paid off sooner with a shorter loan time frame. I understand that paying down your mortgage isn't the smartest thing to do with your money, but given the times we're in right now I want to be safe.
-I would take another $50K and apply it toward our rental property's mortgage. I would also refinance that property in to a 15 year fixed loan. This would make for a much smaller monthly mortgage payment than we are paying now. We could then drop the rent on any future renters (or even our current ones assuming they stay after their year lease is up) and as long as we kept tenants we could make a nice profit over the next 15 years - even assuming we didn't sell at the end of 15 years.
Still keeping up? We're down to $500K now. Money goes fast when you're spending it.
-I'd take care of the cars. My dad always talks about getting his BMW 540. Well the 540 is no more, but we can get him a brand new 535. Out the door we're looking at around $65K full loaded. I imagine driving it home to him one day, red bow on top and all. Personally I've always dreamed of driving an Audi S4. It has been my dream car for the past 8 years. But then again I've never test driven one before - don't want to tempt myself because I can afford one - I just couldn't afford any gas for it or the insurance. But now that I've got cash available, why not? Out the door I'm looking at another $55K.
-Since I got the car, and the wife already had a nice car previously, we're going to keep her car. But of course we're going to have to spend a good chunk on her too. Only fair right? I'd allot up to $50K to her, but I'm sure she'd even have a hard time spending it. Or maybe not. You never know until you put someone in that sort of situation. I'm sure she'd get all the upgrades she wanted on the house. That is if I was able to talk her in to not getting a new house entirely. Notice how I was happy paying off the house we currently own? And not taking $300K of this money and putting it down on a million dollar home near the water? Yeah, that would be her blog post of how to spend a million dollars...not mine. Anyway, I'm sure she'd get the hard woods in most of the house (which is mostly carpet), upgrade the kitchen (our microwave sucks) and probably find more furniture. Also, she'd be free to spend at all the designer places that charge way too much for everything - without any guilt. Don't even get me started on the possibility of jewelry...
-Of course I can't forget my mom(s). Plural now. We'd have to find something nice for both of our sets of parents. They're all pretty frugal so I'm assuming they'd be happy with spending about $25K for each of the sets of parents. We could probably do a nice big family cruise with all of us.
-Split up another $100K to siblings. $50K to my sister and $25K each to the wife's brothers. I'd like to see the money spent properly though. Almost like mine - sure take a little off the top for a little fun, but save or invest the rest.
$180K to go now. We're almost there...all of this spending is getting tiring. But I definitely would not mind having to make these decisions.
-I would of course throw a huge party for all of my friends. Take them all out. But I don't have hundreds of friends. So at the most I think we could ever spend for a ridiculous party would be maybe $5-$10K. What I really want to do for them though is I want them to share the same love for money making that I had. I want them to hit it big like I had. Or at the least give it a shot. So for 4 of my friends - whoever wanted to, I would give them the ability to trade my money. I'd dole out $30K to 4 different people. Allow them to lose 20% ($6K) on me - which would drop them under the day trading requirement amount anyway. Once (if) they lost that $6K they could give the money back to me, no hard feelings. Anything they made though would be there's to keep, but once they had doubled their money, I'd like my initial start up capital back. If they never doubled it, no big deal. Just having them trading with me would be a lot of fun - having the ability to bounce ideas off one another, making a mini-competition of it, hopefully all becoming wealthy together. That is another place where lotto winners go wrong. They give out the money to friends and just like the lotto winners, those friends blow that money and come back looking for more. I want my friends to make money off of the money that I give to them.
-With the last portion of the money I would max out a 529 account for none other than myself. In the near future I'll be getting my MBA, and of course that's going to cost a good chunk of money. Why get my MBA when I had made so much money? Almost a million and a half dollars is a nice chunk of change for a guy in his mid-20s, but it's definitely not enough to retire comfortably for the rest of my life (obviously given what I would do with the money). In fact, although I might call in sick for a couple days after making that trade to celebrate, I'd still willingly go back in to work afterward. Nope, unfortunately to retire comfortably right now I'd need $5 million. It's never enough is it? Well maybe someday it will be.
After reading through this you might be thinking that I didn't do anything fun with the money. You're exactly right. That's where previous big money winners in the past have gone wrong.
But if I were to do something completely different I'd consider starting my own hedge fund and be open to accepting OPM (Other People's Money). Or I could launch a set of Five Guys franchises in Washington. I could go out and pick up 3 or 4 foreclosed homes on the cheap and hopefully sell them in 5-10 years. There's obviously so many things I could do, but I like to live like my parents - allergic to payments, intolerable of debt.
At the least though, it's nice to dream.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Millionaire Daydreaming (Part 1)
A lot of people say, "If I just won the lotto - it'd be so nice".
And they like to daydream about what they would do with all the money they won.
How they'd quit their job, buy their dream car - the works.
I have the same dreams, but unlike the lotto ticket winners I see the big money in the market. Every once in a while I'll see trades where I say to myself, "Wow, if I had put in a few thousand dollars in to this trade I would've made a lot of money." Of course that is all backwards looking - which is the beauty of it all. It keeps me daydreaming.
Recently I saw one of the largest pops I've ever seen from a trade. But I'm going to be as realistic about it as possible. In my wildest dreams the amount of money I could have made from this trade is roughly $4.4 million before taxes.
But I've only caught the bottom and top in a trade a few times. And never at that magnitude.
I was having problems posting to the blog and since this is something easy for me to write I decided to go with it.
Last week was one of the most volatile weeks I've seen in the market since I've been following it. Financials were getting crushed. Goldman Sachs (the company that this trade is on) had fallen from an average price around $140 a share to around $100. On Wednesday, September 16th I mentioned to my friends that I couldn't believe that GS had fallen below $100. It was a great buy then. I don't know what the options movement would've done but someone could've made a quick chunk of cash as GS closed easily above $100 on that day.
Thursday was worse. Down, down, down it went.
The low it hit on Wednesday was $97. So I would've gotten in around $95 on the $100 call option. I usually wait until a stock breaks below a previous low to jump in. I think a lot of people do this - they wait to see an imaginary support line broken before they make their move. And I would have, putting in about $2500 in to the $100 call option at $1.25. 20 contracts.
And yet the stock continued to slide. Over the next 50 minutes GS went from $100 to $86. My option went from $1.25 to a low of $.40. The way I buy options though is I like to average in when I'm losing. And I average in by doubling my positions at lower costs. For some reason I like to double my option postion after I've lost 20% on it. The option would've blown through my $1.00 limit order and left me cringing down $500 on the trade and 40 contracts deep.
And once I get that deep I like to reach for whole numbers in contract size. Chalk it up to my OCD. I know it's weird but it just looks better to me. The contract then moved through my "half point" at $.70 and I'd pick up 60 more contracts now to give me a whole number of contracts at 100 and down $1700 on the trade. At a contract price this small I sometimes continue to double because it's not much further from $.70 to $0.00.
So throw on another double of my contracts to bring the total to 200 at $.55 and then another 200 contracts when I can't believe my bid gets hit at $.45 and the bids go as low as $.40. At this point I cannot believe I am in this deep. I am sweating in my chair not focusing on anything else other than the tick movements on the stock, miniscule moves of $.13 up and down and whispering profanities under my breath. I just sent the wife an email telling her that I am losing my ass and I am looking for guidance.
The world has gone numb to me and everything just is just a bit more muted. I am now in to the $100 GS call GSIT for 400 contracts at an average price of $.72 a share. In the option now for a total of $28,700 and down $8,800 on the trade. I've got my finger on the sell trigger ready to get rid of 100 contracts at $.35. Just hid that bid and I'll get out.
And suddenly everything starts to turn.
Goldman starts to lunge upwards...Suddenly we've blown through $90...then $94...$96...oh it seems to be cresting a bit.
I've hit the "positions" button to check my option again. In a span of 20 minutes the option's tripled from $.40 to almost my original buying price of $1.20. Wow. I'm up almost $20K on my 400 options. Got to get out...have to reduce exposure. But I'll wait. I'll wait for at least a double before I let some go.
I check back to my watch list and GS is at $98.
I can't believe this. I rode it all the way in to the bottom and stuck it out. I want out of 50 contracts. Maybe 100. Maybe I'll wait until I'm in the money. Yes, I'll do that. Get me out of 50 contracts when I'm in the money.
And there it went. It moved so quickly upwards that I ended up selling 50 contracts at the market for $2.65 a contract when GS flew through $100 up to $101.38. Sold for a profit of
There I was. Shocked at what I was doing. Just locked in profits of $9600 before taxes and still had another 350 contracts profiting me another $65K.
And yet the stock continued to rise. $105...
And closed at $108.
The option closed at $8.90. I had 350 contracts that had gone from being worth $25,200 to now being worth $311,500. I couldn't sell. I didn't know what to do with myself going in to the close. It moved so quickly from $30K to $100K that I was stunned. I kept hitting the preview order button and the option wasn't keeping up with the underlying price...the ask kept going higher.
I couldn't focus on work. I wanted to run and scream about what I had done. The dog didn't understand so I had to wait until the wife got home so I could show her. I told her I had a surprise for her and she didn't understand when I was pulling out the laptop and signing in to Zecco. I couldn't even mask my excitement.
So we went out for dinner. We dressed up and went to the nicest Seafood place in town - Hank's. Or at least that's what we had been told. We both got market priced dishes and felt pretty ridiculous knowing that on paper I had just made $300K dollars. Enough to live off for a long time. We didn't talk about anything else but that and when I got home on a full stomach and almost a full bottle of wine I still couldn't sleep.
Of course, given the weeks movements in the market I was definitely worried about what was going to happen Friday morning. But at the least I knew I could pull out of this making at least $80K. I hoped.
I finally got to bed around 1:30 AM that night, but I still tossed and turned. I don't remember what time I ended up falling asleep but I remember thinking I'd like to pull out all the money in one dollar bills just to feel that enormity of cash in my hands. It seems silly, but for a kid who's never seen that much money before - you've got to understand.
The next morning the first thing I did was to turn the TV on to CNBC like I normally did. The wife ended up working from home since we had a late night the night before - and she wanted to see what happened with the money this morning too.
I screamed.
"Honey!"
"What?"
"You're not going to believe this."
"Oh jeez...what?"
I dropped the remote. My jaw dropped with it.
On CNBC they had announced that this morning the SEC had come out and announced a ban on short selling of almost 800 different securities. A majority of them financial. And one of them was mine. I watched GS scroll by on the ticker at the bottom of the screen. GS 300@$139.40 +31.40.
Someone just short covered my stock up to almost $140. I could not believe it. An overnight move of more than 30%. How did what happened yesterday get that much better? How is this possible?
I signed in to Zecco to make sure I still had the 350 contracts and it wasn't some mistake or I hadn't sold all of the contracts with the first 50. No. They were still there...and still worth $311K. Seeing that much green next to the +1236.11% number made my cheeks hurt from smiling so much.
And still the opening bell was 2 and a half hours away. The market was going wild, up over 400 points and it seemed like shorts couldn't cover fast enough.
"Want to go out for breakfast?" I asked my wife. So we ended up as one of the first couples to arrive at one of our favorite breakfast spots - Seabiscuit, a small family run place about a quarter mile from the atlantic.
After an excellent breakfast we went to walk on the beach because I still had time before work - and before the market opened. We didn't say much. Just held hands and walked through the waves that washed up on the beach.
On the way home we talked about what we would do (more on this in part 2). As soon as we arrived I was signing in to Zecco - about 20 minutes early. And I watched as all the financials were popping. Everything across the board that had been beaten down were now part of a short covering rally. Overnight from trough to peak GS had moved over 60% and my option was going to move at least another 4000%.
In the background the TV was blaring CNBC. Every day I have it on - mainly just for the noise - but this time around I had the volume turned up - making sure to catch the opening bell. Then I heard the countdown...and the bell rung.
Usually options take 3-5 minutes to get trading. Sometimes after big news the option markets open up immediately. Given what had happened overnight as soon as that bell rang and I hit the "positions" button my option changed. I had a plan for selling. I wanted to get most out right away. GS had opened up at $142 so I knew my option had to be worth at least $40. I typed in my limit order to sell 200 contracts at $40, I placed the order and it immediately filled at $43.50. An overnight profit of over $850K on those 200 contracts.
150 contracts left and I knew I wanted to get out at a lowest $35. I watched GS top near $145 and immediately start coming down. The rush of people wanting to get out at that price was huge. And suddenly we broke $140. And that's when I knew I had to get more out. I hit a market order for another 100 contracts. Executed at $39. A profit of over $380K on those 100 contracts.
Already GS had fallen off it's highs and continued to tumble. We were through the major move in GS for the morning. It was 10 AM and I was sitting there thinking about what my purchasing power would look like tomorrow morning. Over 2 million dollars in buying power would look ridiculous to me. I kept saying that to myself again and again to hopefully make this try and sink in. Not that I needed to. I'm sure as soon as the euphoria wore off the reality of having made that much money would sink in.
I sat back, and set a stop limit (which I hate because they only work for me about 30% of the time) at $35 for my last 50 contracts. Then I immediately canceled it when the option easily "jumped" my price down to $34. Get out get out get out I was saying in my head as I was typing in the option name and hitting preview order for a market order...crap, $33.50 now bid..."send order" - executed at $33.20.
And that was it. It was all gone. I no longer had any dollar signs or green percentages on my screen. Just a blank slate staring back at me almost mocking me in a way that said, "Nothing really just happened here."
But it did.
I started the morning making a little over $9,500 from the night before on my sale of 50 contracts.
For the rest of the 350 I sold for profits of $850K on 200 contracts, $380K on the next 100 and on my last 50 contracts a profit of $160K. All in total a smidgen over $1.4 million dollars. Overnight I had become a millionaire.
I wondered to myself if many of the "successful" traders had gotten their start this way. How many of them had had one HUGE day and then had the confidence to just trade with that money from there on.
I had so many plans...so many things I wanted to do with the new found windfall. I'll be sure to map them all out for you in Part 2.
(Author's note: This post was not proofread. Therefore, if I've switched tenses or points of view or made any sort of error, I apologize.)
And they like to daydream about what they would do with all the money they won.
How they'd quit their job, buy their dream car - the works.
I have the same dreams, but unlike the lotto ticket winners I see the big money in the market. Every once in a while I'll see trades where I say to myself, "Wow, if I had put in a few thousand dollars in to this trade I would've made a lot of money." Of course that is all backwards looking - which is the beauty of it all. It keeps me daydreaming.
Recently I saw one of the largest pops I've ever seen from a trade. But I'm going to be as realistic about it as possible. In my wildest dreams the amount of money I could have made from this trade is roughly $4.4 million before taxes.
But I've only caught the bottom and top in a trade a few times. And never at that magnitude.
I was having problems posting to the blog and since this is something easy for me to write I decided to go with it.
Last week was one of the most volatile weeks I've seen in the market since I've been following it. Financials were getting crushed. Goldman Sachs (the company that this trade is on) had fallen from an average price around $140 a share to around $100. On Wednesday, September 16th I mentioned to my friends that I couldn't believe that GS had fallen below $100. It was a great buy then. I don't know what the options movement would've done but someone could've made a quick chunk of cash as GS closed easily above $100 on that day.
Thursday was worse. Down, down, down it went.
The low it hit on Wednesday was $97. So I would've gotten in around $95 on the $100 call option. I usually wait until a stock breaks below a previous low to jump in. I think a lot of people do this - they wait to see an imaginary support line broken before they make their move. And I would have, putting in about $2500 in to the $100 call option at $1.25. 20 contracts.
And yet the stock continued to slide. Over the next 50 minutes GS went from $100 to $86. My option went from $1.25 to a low of $.40. The way I buy options though is I like to average in when I'm losing. And I average in by doubling my positions at lower costs. For some reason I like to double my option postion after I've lost 20% on it. The option would've blown through my $1.00 limit order and left me cringing down $500 on the trade and 40 contracts deep.
And once I get that deep I like to reach for whole numbers in contract size. Chalk it up to my OCD. I know it's weird but it just looks better to me. The contract then moved through my "half point" at $.70 and I'd pick up 60 more contracts now to give me a whole number of contracts at 100 and down $1700 on the trade. At a contract price this small I sometimes continue to double because it's not much further from $.70 to $0.00.
So throw on another double of my contracts to bring the total to 200 at $.55 and then another 200 contracts when I can't believe my bid gets hit at $.45 and the bids go as low as $.40. At this point I cannot believe I am in this deep. I am sweating in my chair not focusing on anything else other than the tick movements on the stock, miniscule moves of $.13 up and down and whispering profanities under my breath. I just sent the wife an email telling her that I am losing my ass and I am looking for guidance.
The world has gone numb to me and everything just is just a bit more muted. I am now in to the $100 GS call GSIT for 400 contracts at an average price of $.72 a share. In the option now for a total of $28,700 and down $8,800 on the trade. I've got my finger on the sell trigger ready to get rid of 100 contracts at $.35. Just hid that bid and I'll get out.
And suddenly everything starts to turn.
Goldman starts to lunge upwards...Suddenly we've blown through $90...then $94...$96...oh it seems to be cresting a bit.
I've hit the "positions" button to check my option again. In a span of 20 minutes the option's tripled from $.40 to almost my original buying price of $1.20. Wow. I'm up almost $20K on my 400 options. Got to get out...have to reduce exposure. But I'll wait. I'll wait for at least a double before I let some go.
I check back to my watch list and GS is at $98.
I can't believe this. I rode it all the way in to the bottom and stuck it out. I want out of 50 contracts. Maybe 100. Maybe I'll wait until I'm in the money. Yes, I'll do that. Get me out of 50 contracts when I'm in the money.
And there it went. It moved so quickly upwards that I ended up selling 50 contracts at the market for $2.65 a contract when GS flew through $100 up to $101.38. Sold for a profit of
There I was. Shocked at what I was doing. Just locked in profits of $9600 before taxes and still had another 350 contracts profiting me another $65K.
And yet the stock continued to rise. $105...
And closed at $108.
The option closed at $8.90. I had 350 contracts that had gone from being worth $25,200 to now being worth $311,500. I couldn't sell. I didn't know what to do with myself going in to the close. It moved so quickly from $30K to $100K that I was stunned. I kept hitting the preview order button and the option wasn't keeping up with the underlying price...the ask kept going higher.
I couldn't focus on work. I wanted to run and scream about what I had done. The dog didn't understand so I had to wait until the wife got home so I could show her. I told her I had a surprise for her and she didn't understand when I was pulling out the laptop and signing in to Zecco. I couldn't even mask my excitement.
So we went out for dinner. We dressed up and went to the nicest Seafood place in town - Hank's. Or at least that's what we had been told. We both got market priced dishes and felt pretty ridiculous knowing that on paper I had just made $300K dollars. Enough to live off for a long time. We didn't talk about anything else but that and when I got home on a full stomach and almost a full bottle of wine I still couldn't sleep.
Of course, given the weeks movements in the market I was definitely worried about what was going to happen Friday morning. But at the least I knew I could pull out of this making at least $80K. I hoped.
I finally got to bed around 1:30 AM that night, but I still tossed and turned. I don't remember what time I ended up falling asleep but I remember thinking I'd like to pull out all the money in one dollar bills just to feel that enormity of cash in my hands. It seems silly, but for a kid who's never seen that much money before - you've got to understand.
The next morning the first thing I did was to turn the TV on to CNBC like I normally did. The wife ended up working from home since we had a late night the night before - and she wanted to see what happened with the money this morning too.
I screamed.
"Honey!"
"What?"
"You're not going to believe this."
"Oh jeez...what?"
I dropped the remote. My jaw dropped with it.
On CNBC they had announced that this morning the SEC had come out and announced a ban on short selling of almost 800 different securities. A majority of them financial. And one of them was mine. I watched GS scroll by on the ticker at the bottom of the screen. GS 300@$139.40 +31.40.
Someone just short covered my stock up to almost $140. I could not believe it. An overnight move of more than 30%. How did what happened yesterday get that much better? How is this possible?
I signed in to Zecco to make sure I still had the 350 contracts and it wasn't some mistake or I hadn't sold all of the contracts with the first 50. No. They were still there...and still worth $311K. Seeing that much green next to the +1236.11% number made my cheeks hurt from smiling so much.
And still the opening bell was 2 and a half hours away. The market was going wild, up over 400 points and it seemed like shorts couldn't cover fast enough.
"Want to go out for breakfast?" I asked my wife. So we ended up as one of the first couples to arrive at one of our favorite breakfast spots - Seabiscuit, a small family run place about a quarter mile from the atlantic.
After an excellent breakfast we went to walk on the beach because I still had time before work - and before the market opened. We didn't say much. Just held hands and walked through the waves that washed up on the beach.
On the way home we talked about what we would do (more on this in part 2). As soon as we arrived I was signing in to Zecco - about 20 minutes early. And I watched as all the financials were popping. Everything across the board that had been beaten down were now part of a short covering rally. Overnight from trough to peak GS had moved over 60% and my option was going to move at least another 4000%.
In the background the TV was blaring CNBC. Every day I have it on - mainly just for the noise - but this time around I had the volume turned up - making sure to catch the opening bell. Then I heard the countdown...and the bell rung.
Usually options take 3-5 minutes to get trading. Sometimes after big news the option markets open up immediately. Given what had happened overnight as soon as that bell rang and I hit the "positions" button my option changed. I had a plan for selling. I wanted to get most out right away. GS had opened up at $142 so I knew my option had to be worth at least $40. I typed in my limit order to sell 200 contracts at $40, I placed the order and it immediately filled at $43.50. An overnight profit of over $850K on those 200 contracts.
150 contracts left and I knew I wanted to get out at a lowest $35. I watched GS top near $145 and immediately start coming down. The rush of people wanting to get out at that price was huge. And suddenly we broke $140. And that's when I knew I had to get more out. I hit a market order for another 100 contracts. Executed at $39. A profit of over $380K on those 100 contracts.
Already GS had fallen off it's highs and continued to tumble. We were through the major move in GS for the morning. It was 10 AM and I was sitting there thinking about what my purchasing power would look like tomorrow morning. Over 2 million dollars in buying power would look ridiculous to me. I kept saying that to myself again and again to hopefully make this try and sink in. Not that I needed to. I'm sure as soon as the euphoria wore off the reality of having made that much money would sink in.
I sat back, and set a stop limit (which I hate because they only work for me about 30% of the time) at $35 for my last 50 contracts. Then I immediately canceled it when the option easily "jumped" my price down to $34. Get out get out get out I was saying in my head as I was typing in the option name and hitting preview order for a market order...crap, $33.50 now bid..."send order" - executed at $33.20.
And that was it. It was all gone. I no longer had any dollar signs or green percentages on my screen. Just a blank slate staring back at me almost mocking me in a way that said, "Nothing really just happened here."
But it did.
I started the morning making a little over $9,500 from the night before on my sale of 50 contracts.
For the rest of the 350 I sold for profits of $850K on 200 contracts, $380K on the next 100 and on my last 50 contracts a profit of $160K. All in total a smidgen over $1.4 million dollars. Overnight I had become a millionaire.
I wondered to myself if many of the "successful" traders had gotten their start this way. How many of them had had one HUGE day and then had the confidence to just trade with that money from there on.
I had so many plans...so many things I wanted to do with the new found windfall. I'll be sure to map them all out for you in Part 2.
(Author's note: This post was not proofread. Therefore, if I've switched tenses or points of view or made any sort of error, I apologize.)
Monday, September 08, 2008
No posts for September
I've got the posts lined up.
I promise I'll put them up - there will be at least 3 for September. Blogger gives us the ability now to post in to any time we'd like to so people with a minor case of OCD like myself can have their posts spread properly throughout time.
And this will kind of be a throw away post.
But I wanted to mention something that's always bothered me about this blog.
Around 6th grade or so I started to keep journals. I wanted to let my thoughts out - because I had a lot of them. I don't think I thought more things than the average kid did - It just felt better to have them down on paper.
And they're still sitting in a drawer somewhere in my parent's house. Waiting to be read again. I picked up one from junior high a couple years ago and remember the girls I wrote about and all those awkward moments in the hallways. I wrote in those journals up until I started this blog. Every night I tried to write at least a page. Handwritten. And unlike this blog, I typically had something to fill that page with. And it was because I was free.
The whole "self-censored" aspect of this blog was kind of a dig against online public blogging. Specifically blogging about your own life, or things that you experience. Because no matter how private I made this blog someone out there had the chance of reading what I wrote. Heck, I even removed my last name from the posts because I didn't like the idea of my blog posts appearing when doing Google searches for my name. I even dropped the wife's name and only refer to her as "wife" now in my later posts. If people knew about me or were close to me they can definitely feel free to read my blog (I would hope everyone feels this way). I partially write to keep them up to date with my life or provide them some reading material. But even for them I censor what I write. I have never been 100% open with the words I put on here.
And that is bothersome.
Because there are those deep, dark thoughts that I think all of us have. And the last time I let any of those out was with a pen on a college ruled 3 hole punched piece of paper. In a way it's kind of sad - but it has to be done in order to keep just that - order.
And if you're reading this and thinking that I've got some big secret to hide, I don't. It's just the stupid thoughts that we all have about anything, that if we ever said out loud (as I tend to do more so than others IMO) we would be looked down upon. Or judged. Vehemently disagreed with or even shunned. Or maybe you don't think like I do. How can I know? I'm not in your head.
It's just like any normal conversation we have. Do you say any thought that pops in your head to the person or people you are speaking with? No. You filter out your thoughts and (hopefully) find the most appropriate things to say to keep your environment in that safe zone and as sanitary as possible. That quiet ignorance of other's true thoughts and feelings that we all enjoy.
So this is the post where I want to be able to write anything. But I don't. And so it goes in all my posts on this blog.
Maybe this should've been post #1? I think I touched on it a little bit in that post too.
This post has got me thinking now though (shocking and/or ironic) about what life would be like if we played with our cards facing up. What would happen if everyone knew exactly what other people were thinking at any time. How would our relationships change? How would the world change?
I'll end with this: For those that are reading this, take some time to think about how much censorship you are placing on yourself and what your motives are for doing so. Seems like the perfect mind fuck to me.
I promise I'll put them up - there will be at least 3 for September. Blogger gives us the ability now to post in to any time we'd like to so people with a minor case of OCD like myself can have their posts spread properly throughout time.
And this will kind of be a throw away post.
But I wanted to mention something that's always bothered me about this blog.
Around 6th grade or so I started to keep journals. I wanted to let my thoughts out - because I had a lot of them. I don't think I thought more things than the average kid did - It just felt better to have them down on paper.
And they're still sitting in a drawer somewhere in my parent's house. Waiting to be read again. I picked up one from junior high a couple years ago and remember the girls I wrote about and all those awkward moments in the hallways. I wrote in those journals up until I started this blog. Every night I tried to write at least a page. Handwritten. And unlike this blog, I typically had something to fill that page with. And it was because I was free.
The whole "self-censored" aspect of this blog was kind of a dig against online public blogging. Specifically blogging about your own life, or things that you experience. Because no matter how private I made this blog someone out there had the chance of reading what I wrote. Heck, I even removed my last name from the posts because I didn't like the idea of my blog posts appearing when doing Google searches for my name. I even dropped the wife's name and only refer to her as "wife" now in my later posts. If people knew about me or were close to me they can definitely feel free to read my blog (I would hope everyone feels this way). I partially write to keep them up to date with my life or provide them some reading material. But even for them I censor what I write. I have never been 100% open with the words I put on here.
And that is bothersome.
Because there are those deep, dark thoughts that I think all of us have. And the last time I let any of those out was with a pen on a college ruled 3 hole punched piece of paper. In a way it's kind of sad - but it has to be done in order to keep just that - order.
And if you're reading this and thinking that I've got some big secret to hide, I don't. It's just the stupid thoughts that we all have about anything, that if we ever said out loud (as I tend to do more so than others IMO) we would be looked down upon. Or judged. Vehemently disagreed with or even shunned. Or maybe you don't think like I do. How can I know? I'm not in your head.
It's just like any normal conversation we have. Do you say any thought that pops in your head to the person or people you are speaking with? No. You filter out your thoughts and (hopefully) find the most appropriate things to say to keep your environment in that safe zone and as sanitary as possible. That quiet ignorance of other's true thoughts and feelings that we all enjoy.
So this is the post where I want to be able to write anything. But I don't. And so it goes in all my posts on this blog.
Maybe this should've been post #1? I think I touched on it a little bit in that post too.
This post has got me thinking now though (shocking and/or ironic) about what life would be like if we played with our cards facing up. What would happen if everyone knew exactly what other people were thinking at any time. How would our relationships change? How would the world change?
I'll end with this: For those that are reading this, take some time to think about how much censorship you are placing on yourself and what your motives are for doing so. Seems like the perfect mind fuck to me.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Short Story
I didn't want to go to sleep yet. It is too early.
Plus my allergies are acting up so I'm going to stay awake until I feel like I've got them under control.
Besides, if I go to bed now, assuming my normal 7 hours of sleep I would be waking up at 6 am tomorrow. And I don't want to wake up at 6 am. I want to wake up at at least 7:30 am at the earliest. But I know that won't happen. I'll probably be up at 7 am. Ah well, what's another 30 minutes?
And I am going to post this in August. Because I didn't get a chance to write my 4th post in August because of the vacation I took.
So here goes my imagination...
Murphy stood there, hands grimy from all the oil and car parts he had been working with all day. On his hips, they smudged off a bit of the crap on to his uniform. Looking across the garage and out in to the world he could see the storm front rolling in. And when he looked up again it was like God had tipped over the bucket and was trying to create another river where his business stood...or maybe an ocean.
Damn this hurricane season he thought to himself as he shook his head in disgust.
The storms down here in Georgia had been frequent, but luckily not as strong as they had seen a few years ago. In a way he kind of enjoyed the fact that a few more storms and hurricanes would be rolling in over the next 2 weeks because he knew what it meant for his business. Plenty of flooded engines. Damaged cars from falling trees, hail storms and just plain old bad weather driving.
22 years ago he had taken over the business from his father - rest his soul - after he had come down with lung cancer. And even to this day Murphy was still trying to break the habit himself.
Guess it's time for a smoke break.
Looking behind him standing under the section of the porch that somehow didn't get wet in even the craziest sideways rain he smiled and thought about how this business had grown from just helping out a few friends and neighbors with their vehicles to now the largest and most reputable car service company in town. They did everything from oil changes and tire rotations to full on body work and engine repair. He understood he was a big fish in a little pond, but he liked it that way. People knew and respected him in town and he wouldn't have had it any other way.
"Hey Murph!" shouted a voice from behind him.
"Yeah?"
"Hey bud, think I'm gonna be headin' out of here before the road washes out." Jim said to Murphy as he pulled on his coat and patted him on the back. "Don't you think you should get goin' yourself?"
"Yeah, just wanted to see if this wall of water was going to break any time soon..." his voice trailed off as the drops beat down harder on the pavement almost in mocking fashion of what Murphy had just said.
"Alright buddy, I'll see you maybe tomorrow then?"
"For sure. Oh and don't bother coming in if it's like this tomorrow too. I'm sure we'll have plenty to do when this weather clears up."
"Can't wait." Jim said chuckling, knowing full well if he wasn't going to come in tomorrow there was going to be some overtime to make up for it.
Author's note: I can't decide how I want to end this short story. I can end it like it is...almost as if it's just an open ended story. Normal end of work conversation.
I was thinking I could end it like this:
Alternate ending: Little did Jim know that those were the last words he would ever say to Murphy.
Author's note: But I think that was a little bit harsh - plus I think even I would want to know what had happened to Murphy in that storm on the way home. And really, I'm not a big fan of trying to come up with something that seems normal yet interesting enough. And the story could really go from a short one to a medium one given that I continued writing. So to prevent that I'll leave it open ended.
Plus my allergies are acting up so I'm going to stay awake until I feel like I've got them under control.
Besides, if I go to bed now, assuming my normal 7 hours of sleep I would be waking up at 6 am tomorrow. And I don't want to wake up at 6 am. I want to wake up at at least 7:30 am at the earliest. But I know that won't happen. I'll probably be up at 7 am. Ah well, what's another 30 minutes?
And I am going to post this in August. Because I didn't get a chance to write my 4th post in August because of the vacation I took.
So here goes my imagination...
Murphy stood there, hands grimy from all the oil and car parts he had been working with all day. On his hips, they smudged off a bit of the crap on to his uniform. Looking across the garage and out in to the world he could see the storm front rolling in. And when he looked up again it was like God had tipped over the bucket and was trying to create another river where his business stood...or maybe an ocean.
Damn this hurricane season he thought to himself as he shook his head in disgust.
The storms down here in Georgia had been frequent, but luckily not as strong as they had seen a few years ago. In a way he kind of enjoyed the fact that a few more storms and hurricanes would be rolling in over the next 2 weeks because he knew what it meant for his business. Plenty of flooded engines. Damaged cars from falling trees, hail storms and just plain old bad weather driving.
22 years ago he had taken over the business from his father - rest his soul - after he had come down with lung cancer. And even to this day Murphy was still trying to break the habit himself.
Guess it's time for a smoke break.
Looking behind him standing under the section of the porch that somehow didn't get wet in even the craziest sideways rain he smiled and thought about how this business had grown from just helping out a few friends and neighbors with their vehicles to now the largest and most reputable car service company in town. They did everything from oil changes and tire rotations to full on body work and engine repair. He understood he was a big fish in a little pond, but he liked it that way. People knew and respected him in town and he wouldn't have had it any other way.
"Hey Murph!" shouted a voice from behind him.
"Yeah?"
"Hey bud, think I'm gonna be headin' out of here before the road washes out." Jim said to Murphy as he pulled on his coat and patted him on the back. "Don't you think you should get goin' yourself?"
"Yeah, just wanted to see if this wall of water was going to break any time soon..." his voice trailed off as the drops beat down harder on the pavement almost in mocking fashion of what Murphy had just said.
"Alright buddy, I'll see you maybe tomorrow then?"
"For sure. Oh and don't bother coming in if it's like this tomorrow too. I'm sure we'll have plenty to do when this weather clears up."
"Can't wait." Jim said chuckling, knowing full well if he wasn't going to come in tomorrow there was going to be some overtime to make up for it.
Author's note: I can't decide how I want to end this short story. I can end it like it is...almost as if it's just an open ended story. Normal end of work conversation.
I was thinking I could end it like this:
Alternate ending: Little did Jim know that those were the last words he would ever say to Murphy.
Author's note: But I think that was a little bit harsh - plus I think even I would want to know what had happened to Murphy in that storm on the way home. And really, I'm not a big fan of trying to come up with something that seems normal yet interesting enough. And the story could really go from a short one to a medium one given that I continued writing. So to prevent that I'll leave it open ended.
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