It was over.
It was like one of those hate/love relationships. One where you would fight often, but keep coming back to it because it was the only thing available. Or so it seemed like. But all of a sudden over the past few months things had been getting worse and worse and you both knew things were coming to an end.
But as soon as it was said, "It's over. I'm sorry." It felt real this time. It felt like you were never going to see them again. And just in knowing that - that's when it hurt. In your stomach, in your heart - in your throat. You couldn't cry though because it had been coming for so long.
That's what it felt like yesterday when the movers came out to pick up everything. My monitor, my PC, my phone. It was so quick. Packed it all up in a box and shipped it back to the office. Thursday was my last day of work - of living the dream. Working from home, getting overpaid for something in the back of my head I knew couldn't last (but had hoped would).
I think one of the hardest parts about it is the pity party. Almost every person I've come in contact with that's known about my lay off has had an immediate, "I'm sorry" look on their face - if not also saying it and then wishing me, "The best of luck" followed up by something like, "You're young, I'm sure you'll find something." Just like the movers yesterday - telling me that I was lucky that I was still young enough to find something.
I just always think it's easy for them to say when here they are actually working still. Still pulling in a paycheck. Still, in some way, feeling useful.
Today, I went in and signed my severance papers. There is no better way for me to describe it other than, "Wham, bam, thank you ma'am". There was no ceremony, no fanfare. My exit interview and question period didn't even last longer than 5 minutes. Almost 4 and a half years and the best I got (other the severance) were a few firm handshakes and more "good lucks".
So, this is the start of unemployment. Luckily for the next few weeks I'll be busy getting some loose ends tied for the move to Charleston, and then getting settled. But after that, how I feel is anyone's guess.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Unemployment
I promised I'd write about my journey towards unemployment.
And I'm sure there's people out there who might read this and maybe gain some insight in to what they might expect. Or maybe might be feeling the same as I am right now.
For me, this is a pretty big blow. I think I've mentioned this in a previous post, but every time I think about it, it hurts a bit. And it hasn't really gone away over the past couple of months.
It sucks knowing that my peers are out there succeeding while I'm looking to start over. I hate knowing I will more than likely have a commute in the future - that I'll have to get dressed every day. That I'll lose my 5 weeks of vacation, and what little history I had built with my company.
I just feel like I don't want people to think I'm lazy - I feel like I got unlucky.
I also think that although they publish the unemployment number at almost 10% I think it's probably close to double that. I'm sure there are people out there who have given up on looking for jobs. Or they've just decided to cut back everything and live off of one income (if they're still lucky to even have that).
It's also hard to keep my head up when everyone else around me who is getting laid off is welcoming the lack of work with open arms. They can't wait to take this extended vacation. I am not one of those people. I think being without a job is embarrassing. I was hoping I would get over that feeling by this time, but I haven't. I think doing work is doing your part in this world and gives life a nice structure to it (even though many of us may hate our jobs). Also the benefits of being employed typically exceed the benefits of not being employed.
And yes, the money will be good for almost half a year. I'm going to receive a nice payout for the vacation hours I never used and then receive another 11 weeks of severance where they continue to pay me as if I was still working for the company. On top of that the amount of money I'll be receiving from unemployment was much higher than I had originally imagined.
Originally I figured that unemployment would be about 2/3rds of what I was earning while I was working. Either that or half seemed like the right amount to pay someone on unemployment.
For me, I will receive almost $2300 a month. This seemed like much more than I was going to get because I never calculated in the money that I never saw from my paycheck. I was maxing out my match to my 401K by contributing 7% a year. I was reporting "0" to the IRS because I always figured if I had it I'd spend it. I was paying towards a few benefits which I rarely ever used. And because of all that the unemployment amount will be enough for me to easily survive off of.
So you may have some questions for someone that's been through it, like I had before I gone through it.
Q: How do I apply for unemployment?
A: For Washington state residents go to http://www.go2ui.com and you can apply there.
Q: What do you have to do to continue to receive unemployment benefits?
A: After applying they require you to make 3 job "contacts" per week. To me, that means applying for 3 jobs a week. The unemployment office does have the ability to audit your applications so I have kept a record of all the jobs I have applied for. Also, you must file a weekly claim which is basically a set of yes or no questions which can also be done through the same website.
Q: How was your benefit amount calculated?
A: You can read through this website (again for WA state residents) to calculate your benefits.
Q: How quickly do you start to receive unemployment payments?
A: As soon as I received the announcement that I would be losing my job someone mentioned that it may take up to 6 weeks to receive my first payment. Knowing this, I applied for my unemployment benefits a month before my last day of work. After speaking with someone at the unemployment office supposedly the longest I would wait after applying for benefits would be 1 week. I am not sure if the 6 week time frame is true or not but I didn't want to test it.
Q: How long will you receive unemployment for?
A: The initial period is 6 months. They give you a maximum dollar amount for unemployment for those 6 months so if you do somehow make more money during a certain week (while you are unemployed, for example doing a side job or week-long only job) they will not pay out the unemployment benefits. You can apply for extensions for the unemployment benefit up to 2 years.
Q: Will your unemployment payment decrease after the initial 6 months of payments?
A: No
Q: Will my income be affected by taxes once I start working again because I've received unemployment money?
A: No
Q: If I move out of state to try and find a new job in a new location (or move in with relatives/family/friends) will I still continue to receive my unemployment payment from Washington state?
A: Yes
Q: How do taxes work on money that is paid to you for unemployment?
A: The application gave me the ability to let the IRS take 10% of what unemployment is paying me. I believe I answered that I don't want them to take it (sad I don't remember) since I have so many deductions at the end of the year that usually I need that income to write it off against (not even sure if this makes sense). I don't really have the answer to this question until I file my taxes next year - and God willing I'll have a new job by then.
If you have any further questions please let me know. I've got a total of 7 working days left, 1 of which I only have to sign my severance papers and the others I don't really want to work. So I'll definitely have time to do some research.
After over 4 years and so many changes I've gone through in my job, it'll be weird to wake up Monday morning, August 3rd 2009 and not have a job. I'll just have to cross that bridge when I get there.
And I'm sure there's people out there who might read this and maybe gain some insight in to what they might expect. Or maybe might be feeling the same as I am right now.
For me, this is a pretty big blow. I think I've mentioned this in a previous post, but every time I think about it, it hurts a bit. And it hasn't really gone away over the past couple of months.
It sucks knowing that my peers are out there succeeding while I'm looking to start over. I hate knowing I will more than likely have a commute in the future - that I'll have to get dressed every day. That I'll lose my 5 weeks of vacation, and what little history I had built with my company.
I just feel like I don't want people to think I'm lazy - I feel like I got unlucky.
I also think that although they publish the unemployment number at almost 10% I think it's probably close to double that. I'm sure there are people out there who have given up on looking for jobs. Or they've just decided to cut back everything and live off of one income (if they're still lucky to even have that).
It's also hard to keep my head up when everyone else around me who is getting laid off is welcoming the lack of work with open arms. They can't wait to take this extended vacation. I am not one of those people. I think being without a job is embarrassing. I was hoping I would get over that feeling by this time, but I haven't. I think doing work is doing your part in this world and gives life a nice structure to it (even though many of us may hate our jobs). Also the benefits of being employed typically exceed the benefits of not being employed.
And yes, the money will be good for almost half a year. I'm going to receive a nice payout for the vacation hours I never used and then receive another 11 weeks of severance where they continue to pay me as if I was still working for the company. On top of that the amount of money I'll be receiving from unemployment was much higher than I had originally imagined.
Originally I figured that unemployment would be about 2/3rds of what I was earning while I was working. Either that or half seemed like the right amount to pay someone on unemployment.
For me, I will receive almost $2300 a month. This seemed like much more than I was going to get because I never calculated in the money that I never saw from my paycheck. I was maxing out my match to my 401K by contributing 7% a year. I was reporting "0" to the IRS because I always figured if I had it I'd spend it. I was paying towards a few benefits which I rarely ever used. And because of all that the unemployment amount will be enough for me to easily survive off of.
So you may have some questions for someone that's been through it, like I had before I gone through it.
Q: How do I apply for unemployment?
A: For Washington state residents go to http://www.go2ui.com and you can apply there.
Q: What do you have to do to continue to receive unemployment benefits?
A: After applying they require you to make 3 job "contacts" per week. To me, that means applying for 3 jobs a week. The unemployment office does have the ability to audit your applications so I have kept a record of all the jobs I have applied for. Also, you must file a weekly claim which is basically a set of yes or no questions which can also be done through the same website.
Q: How was your benefit amount calculated?
A: You can read through this website (again for WA state residents) to calculate your benefits.
Q: How quickly do you start to receive unemployment payments?
A: As soon as I received the announcement that I would be losing my job someone mentioned that it may take up to 6 weeks to receive my first payment. Knowing this, I applied for my unemployment benefits a month before my last day of work. After speaking with someone at the unemployment office supposedly the longest I would wait after applying for benefits would be 1 week. I am not sure if the 6 week time frame is true or not but I didn't want to test it.
Q: How long will you receive unemployment for?
A: The initial period is 6 months. They give you a maximum dollar amount for unemployment for those 6 months so if you do somehow make more money during a certain week (while you are unemployed, for example doing a side job or week-long only job) they will not pay out the unemployment benefits. You can apply for extensions for the unemployment benefit up to 2 years.
Q: Will your unemployment payment decrease after the initial 6 months of payments?
A: No
Q: Will my income be affected by taxes once I start working again because I've received unemployment money?
A: No
Q: If I move out of state to try and find a new job in a new location (or move in with relatives/family/friends) will I still continue to receive my unemployment payment from Washington state?
A: Yes
Q: How do taxes work on money that is paid to you for unemployment?
A: The application gave me the ability to let the IRS take 10% of what unemployment is paying me. I believe I answered that I don't want them to take it (sad I don't remember) since I have so many deductions at the end of the year that usually I need that income to write it off against (not even sure if this makes sense). I don't really have the answer to this question until I file my taxes next year - and God willing I'll have a new job by then.
If you have any further questions please let me know. I've got a total of 7 working days left, 1 of which I only have to sign my severance papers and the others I don't really want to work. So I'll definitely have time to do some research.
After over 4 years and so many changes I've gone through in my job, it'll be weird to wake up Monday morning, August 3rd 2009 and not have a job. I'll just have to cross that bridge when I get there.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
As Old As Cain and Abel
"Just plain old jealousy".
One of my favorite lines from one of my favorite movies. Remember the titans.
Ever since I've dealt with relationships with the opposite sex, I've always been jealous.
Sure, it's gotten a lot better as I've grown older - and hopefully wiser - but I will still admit it's there.
Maybe it's because I tend to date out of my league. Always going for women I feel are better than I am - maybe it's their looks. Maybe it's how they are as a person. Maybe overall they are just a better person than I am.
And I realize that - and become insecure. Realize that the woman I am with probably deserves better than me, and how I fooled her in to staying with me is kind of beyond me. In my opinion there is always going to be some guy out there that is better for her. Better in all aspects than me.
So I can't help it. I always think that that guy is going to come waltzing in to her life and sweep her off her feet making her realize what a bum I actually am.
This doesn't happen very often with the wife. I would say it definitely happened more often in college than it does now. In college I dated girls that I always thought would find better than me. Because it was college, and there are plenty of fish in the sea. It's easier to meet people in college because of all the social activities.
So I've been alright - and still am right now. But I wanted to write about something that really blew my mind. I think I've only written about my dreams once or twice before on this blog, but what really amazed me was that one of the dreams that I had last night actually taught me something.
Which, if you stop and think about it, is really odd. It is my subconscious trying to tell me something. And I woke up this morning at 3:30 AM right after I finished that dream and had a hard time getting back to sleep because I had a hard time accepting the fact that one of my dreams made me change my mind on something.
A little backstory first: The wife has been having some issues working out lately and not being able to drop the weight like she would like to. This being the case she met on Monday with - what I'm guessing - is an old friend of hers from high school who is now a personal trainer.
Not to be gay or anything, but the guy looks good. I can admit it. After all, his profession is in personal training and he didn't start out with bad looks to begin with. So knowing the stigma around personal trainers and understanding that there are vulnerable women out there who like to see results and love the support from an attractive male - it's not hard to see where my insecurities might be coming from.
Regardless, here's the best I can do from recalling my dream last night:
It started out with me walking in to what felt like a gym. The weird thing was, they had those blue pads down on the floor - you know the ones they use for gymnastics in junior high or put up behind basketball hoops to soften the blow. The weird part about it was the gym was split in half with a giant wall down the middle. On one side of the gym they had their weights and the other side they had the cardio equipment.
I walked down what was a sloping gym (another weird thing about it) and picked up a curl bar and starting working my biceps. As I was lifting I looked through one of the windows to the other side of the gym and there I saw my wife riding a bike and working hard...with who else next to her but the personal trainer I had mentioned earlier.
Ok - I was fine with it, but I was a little irked at the time because she hadn't mentioned anything to me (I was thinking this in the dream) that she was going to be working out with him that afternoon.
I remember sinking my feet in to the floor padding as I was curling the bar. And I was curling, there she was, now leaving the gym - soaked through her workout clothes because she had worked hard. I thought to myself that I was in the clear because all she had done was worked out with him, and now she was leaving. Unfortunately I was wrong. As she was walking out the door - she didn't even see me there lifting - she turned around to give the personal trainer a hug. And it wasn't just any sort of friendly hug - the ones that are short lived and maybe include a pat on the back and a quick pull away. It was a hug that lasted an eternity in my dream. One where she arched her back and leaned back a little and he leaned in to her.
Watching it broke me. In my dream I leave the gym hurt and feeling that pang of jealousy. Suddenly we are walking together down a asphalt trail through a large grass park. It is her and me and 3 younger people, one of which was interested in renting our condo we have in Northgate. For some odd reason in my dream we are walking to the condo now.
When we get there we open up the front door to the entrance of the condo and we find that since there were so many retired tenants living there (this is actually true) that the homeowner's association decided to hire full time live in nurses and turn the complex in to a retirement home. Seeing all the nurses walking around brought back terrible flashbacks to the girl who had happily agreed to come check out the condo and possibly rent it and she bust out in to tears. Unstoppable and an agonizingly loud sob - and there was nothing we could do about it.
I apologized to the girl checking out the property as she walked away, completely disturbed by what we had shown her. We decided to leave after another failed attempt at trying to rent out our 2nd property. For some reason, the wife and I arrived separately so I decided to go for a run first in that area before heading home. In my dream I thought I hadn't run around that area since going to college so I should get in my work out to help me avoid traffic on the way home along with checking out all the changes that the area had gone through since I was in college.
In the next part of my dream I am running under what looks like the aurora bridge. Except it is curling upwards, almost like a multiple on and off-ramp of one of our major freeways. During my run I am running with high knees (for no reason really other than a harder workout) and I am jogging through an almost empty parking lot. I run past a few of the cars in the lot when I see that one of the cars is running. From a distance I can see that there are 2 people sitting in what is an older light blue Saturn.
I run past the car and see one of my aunts sitting in the driver's seat and my neighbor decked out in suit and tie in the passenger seat. They are talking to each other but both are in a very somber mood and my neighbor looks like he is going to cry. I find this very odd - not that they are talking and are in the same car together (because they've never met) but because they are both very sad about something.
I run past the car trying my best to avoid eye contact. One of those times where you recognize someone but hope they don't recognize you. I run to a winding set of concrete stairs which supposedly leads to one of the freeway on ramps. As I am running up the stairs I hear the voice of my neighbor yell out for me to stop.
I stop a few steps up and look down to him. I can see that he is visibly crying and has been for some time because of his swollen eyes and red running nose. In his hand he holds a small brown ceramic pot which looks to be filled with ashes.
I ask him, "What's going on? Why are you so sad?"
"Do you know who's ashes are in this pot?"
My mind starts to race. I can't believe it. Someone in my family has died and now I have to guess at who it was. In my mind I am thinking it is someone in my Aunt's family because she was in the car next to my neighbor but didn't come out to talk to me herself.
So I guess at who's ashes they are starting with her family.
"Is it Tony's ashes?"
"No."
"Kyle?"
"No."
"Oh my gosh. It can't be Ally is it?"
And that's when I realized it. At that moment in my dream I figured out that my neighbor for some reason couldn't be that sad unless it was my wife he had the ashes of. And I stood there in a state of shock. In my mind I kept thinking it can't be her...please don't let it be her. Anyone but her.
And my neighbor took the pot in his hand, and dumped the ashes over the railing we were both standing over on the staircase.
"Actually Seth, what was in the pot was just sand." He said as he emptied the contents in the slight breeze that was blowing under the freeway. "But what's amazing to me is that you were willing to give up other's lives - those in your family who were much younger than you just to make sure these ashes weren't your wives. You were actually hoping this was their remains instead of hers."
And as soon as I had that realization I woke up. It may be a bit confusing after reading through all this, but in the end this dream helped me realize how important my wife was to me - and how I'll have to try my best from here on out to get past all the petty jealousy that has ruined my past relationships, and even destroyed lives like in the story of Cain and Abel.
It was a moral story within my own dreams. And while I was sleeping I've become a better person. I've never had a dream like that, one where I woke up with a bit of an epiphany. But I am thankful for it and impressed by the power of my own mind.
Now it's back off to dreamland.
One of my favorite lines from one of my favorite movies. Remember the titans.
Ever since I've dealt with relationships with the opposite sex, I've always been jealous.
Sure, it's gotten a lot better as I've grown older - and hopefully wiser - but I will still admit it's there.
Maybe it's because I tend to date out of my league. Always going for women I feel are better than I am - maybe it's their looks. Maybe it's how they are as a person. Maybe overall they are just a better person than I am.
And I realize that - and become insecure. Realize that the woman I am with probably deserves better than me, and how I fooled her in to staying with me is kind of beyond me. In my opinion there is always going to be some guy out there that is better for her. Better in all aspects than me.
So I can't help it. I always think that that guy is going to come waltzing in to her life and sweep her off her feet making her realize what a bum I actually am.
This doesn't happen very often with the wife. I would say it definitely happened more often in college than it does now. In college I dated girls that I always thought would find better than me. Because it was college, and there are plenty of fish in the sea. It's easier to meet people in college because of all the social activities.
So I've been alright - and still am right now. But I wanted to write about something that really blew my mind. I think I've only written about my dreams once or twice before on this blog, but what really amazed me was that one of the dreams that I had last night actually taught me something.
Which, if you stop and think about it, is really odd. It is my subconscious trying to tell me something. And I woke up this morning at 3:30 AM right after I finished that dream and had a hard time getting back to sleep because I had a hard time accepting the fact that one of my dreams made me change my mind on something.
A little backstory first: The wife has been having some issues working out lately and not being able to drop the weight like she would like to. This being the case she met on Monday with - what I'm guessing - is an old friend of hers from high school who is now a personal trainer.
Not to be gay or anything, but the guy looks good. I can admit it. After all, his profession is in personal training and he didn't start out with bad looks to begin with. So knowing the stigma around personal trainers and understanding that there are vulnerable women out there who like to see results and love the support from an attractive male - it's not hard to see where my insecurities might be coming from.
Regardless, here's the best I can do from recalling my dream last night:
It started out with me walking in to what felt like a gym. The weird thing was, they had those blue pads down on the floor - you know the ones they use for gymnastics in junior high or put up behind basketball hoops to soften the blow. The weird part about it was the gym was split in half with a giant wall down the middle. On one side of the gym they had their weights and the other side they had the cardio equipment.
I walked down what was a sloping gym (another weird thing about it) and picked up a curl bar and starting working my biceps. As I was lifting I looked through one of the windows to the other side of the gym and there I saw my wife riding a bike and working hard...with who else next to her but the personal trainer I had mentioned earlier.
Ok - I was fine with it, but I was a little irked at the time because she hadn't mentioned anything to me (I was thinking this in the dream) that she was going to be working out with him that afternoon.
I remember sinking my feet in to the floor padding as I was curling the bar. And I was curling, there she was, now leaving the gym - soaked through her workout clothes because she had worked hard. I thought to myself that I was in the clear because all she had done was worked out with him, and now she was leaving. Unfortunately I was wrong. As she was walking out the door - she didn't even see me there lifting - she turned around to give the personal trainer a hug. And it wasn't just any sort of friendly hug - the ones that are short lived and maybe include a pat on the back and a quick pull away. It was a hug that lasted an eternity in my dream. One where she arched her back and leaned back a little and he leaned in to her.
Watching it broke me. In my dream I leave the gym hurt and feeling that pang of jealousy. Suddenly we are walking together down a asphalt trail through a large grass park. It is her and me and 3 younger people, one of which was interested in renting our condo we have in Northgate. For some odd reason in my dream we are walking to the condo now.
When we get there we open up the front door to the entrance of the condo and we find that since there were so many retired tenants living there (this is actually true) that the homeowner's association decided to hire full time live in nurses and turn the complex in to a retirement home. Seeing all the nurses walking around brought back terrible flashbacks to the girl who had happily agreed to come check out the condo and possibly rent it and she bust out in to tears. Unstoppable and an agonizingly loud sob - and there was nothing we could do about it.
I apologized to the girl checking out the property as she walked away, completely disturbed by what we had shown her. We decided to leave after another failed attempt at trying to rent out our 2nd property. For some reason, the wife and I arrived separately so I decided to go for a run first in that area before heading home. In my dream I thought I hadn't run around that area since going to college so I should get in my work out to help me avoid traffic on the way home along with checking out all the changes that the area had gone through since I was in college.
In the next part of my dream I am running under what looks like the aurora bridge. Except it is curling upwards, almost like a multiple on and off-ramp of one of our major freeways. During my run I am running with high knees (for no reason really other than a harder workout) and I am jogging through an almost empty parking lot. I run past a few of the cars in the lot when I see that one of the cars is running. From a distance I can see that there are 2 people sitting in what is an older light blue Saturn.
I run past the car and see one of my aunts sitting in the driver's seat and my neighbor decked out in suit and tie in the passenger seat. They are talking to each other but both are in a very somber mood and my neighbor looks like he is going to cry. I find this very odd - not that they are talking and are in the same car together (because they've never met) but because they are both very sad about something.
I run past the car trying my best to avoid eye contact. One of those times where you recognize someone but hope they don't recognize you. I run to a winding set of concrete stairs which supposedly leads to one of the freeway on ramps. As I am running up the stairs I hear the voice of my neighbor yell out for me to stop.
I stop a few steps up and look down to him. I can see that he is visibly crying and has been for some time because of his swollen eyes and red running nose. In his hand he holds a small brown ceramic pot which looks to be filled with ashes.
I ask him, "What's going on? Why are you so sad?"
"Do you know who's ashes are in this pot?"
My mind starts to race. I can't believe it. Someone in my family has died and now I have to guess at who it was. In my mind I am thinking it is someone in my Aunt's family because she was in the car next to my neighbor but didn't come out to talk to me herself.
So I guess at who's ashes they are starting with her family.
"Is it Tony's ashes?"
"No."
"Kyle?"
"No."
"Oh my gosh. It can't be Ally is it?"
And that's when I realized it. At that moment in my dream I figured out that my neighbor for some reason couldn't be that sad unless it was my wife he had the ashes of. And I stood there in a state of shock. In my mind I kept thinking it can't be her...please don't let it be her. Anyone but her.
And my neighbor took the pot in his hand, and dumped the ashes over the railing we were both standing over on the staircase.
"Actually Seth, what was in the pot was just sand." He said as he emptied the contents in the slight breeze that was blowing under the freeway. "But what's amazing to me is that you were willing to give up other's lives - those in your family who were much younger than you just to make sure these ashes weren't your wives. You were actually hoping this was their remains instead of hers."
And as soon as I had that realization I woke up. It may be a bit confusing after reading through all this, but in the end this dream helped me realize how important my wife was to me - and how I'll have to try my best from here on out to get past all the petty jealousy that has ruined my past relationships, and even destroyed lives like in the story of Cain and Abel.
It was a moral story within my own dreams. And while I was sleeping I've become a better person. I've never had a dream like that, one where I woke up with a bit of an epiphany. But I am thankful for it and impressed by the power of my own mind.
Now it's back off to dreamland.
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
A Hairy Evening
Getting older is pretty bad.
I think one of the worst things about being a man and getting older is what happens to us physically. Specifically - going bald.
This afternoon I wanted to head out to the driving range after my terrible showings the past couple of outings on the course. It's been getting a little bit better with some practice, so I'm happy about it.
However, what I wasn't expecting was to see a previous acquaintance from high school working the front desk at the range.
I walked up, didn't even look twice until he took my name down for the membership verification.
"I thought you looked familiar" he said after I handed him my credit card.
And that's when I really stopped and looked at him.
Do you ever really look at the employees if nothing about them really strikes you as "different"? I don't.
"What's my name?" he asked me as he covered up his name tag.
I took what seemed like 5 seconds before the name tumbled out of my mouth.
"Pete!"
"Yup."
"I didn't even recognize you."
"..."
Then we talked about how he's been doing, what I've been up to, etc. And he did his job, getting me my bucket of balls, talking about golf, etc.
But why didn't I recognize him?
This guy had a lot of hair when he was younger. One of those guys that even when his hair was short it even had a wave to it because there wasn't enough room to fit on his head if it was straight.
But looking at him now, it was almost like he was a shell of his previous self. He seemed shorter (he always was somewhat short), and less filled out almost. Like he had shrunk over the past *gasp* 9 years since I had last seen him. And it was all because of the barren wasteland that now was his head, left with only tumbleweeds - not even a memory of what his hair used to look like.
And it reminded me of another friend from college I saw a couple weekends ago who had gone completely bald up top and all he had left was on the sides. I couldn't help but feel sorry for the kid.
But as I was getting my hair cut tonight I was thinking of both of them. In the past I've always said that balding was a sign of age, and hopefully in my case, more wisdom and therefore should be embraced and respected.
Now after seeing 2 guys my age really lose a lot up there (almost everything in 1 case) I'm starting to reconsider my foolish pride.
I don't want to lose my hair. With as big of a watermelon I have on these shoulders it will look absolutely terrible when I lose my hair. Yes, I have had my head completely shaven in the past, and no I don't have a problem with it, but even then I still had a quarter inch of hair on every part of my scalp. Having no hair is completely different.
So, I've decided to make an effort to keep my hair. I've noticed my hairline receding (or maybe thinning) I'm not sure. Maybe I've just been a little paranoid about it recently. But I plan on using a special shampoo I've been given (before it's too late) and if it comes to it even looking at certain types of surgery that can be done to keep my head full of hair. Because although when I do get older seeing bald men my age won't be as surprising as it is now, I still think I'll look like less of a man without my hair.
27 years and still doing well. Maybe I'll change my mind if it starts falling out at 40. Until then, worrying about it can only speed up the process.
I think one of the worst things about being a man and getting older is what happens to us physically. Specifically - going bald.
This afternoon I wanted to head out to the driving range after my terrible showings the past couple of outings on the course. It's been getting a little bit better with some practice, so I'm happy about it.
However, what I wasn't expecting was to see a previous acquaintance from high school working the front desk at the range.
I walked up, didn't even look twice until he took my name down for the membership verification.
"I thought you looked familiar" he said after I handed him my credit card.
And that's when I really stopped and looked at him.
Do you ever really look at the employees if nothing about them really strikes you as "different"? I don't.
"What's my name?" he asked me as he covered up his name tag.
I took what seemed like 5 seconds before the name tumbled out of my mouth.
"Pete!"
"Yup."
"I didn't even recognize you."
"..."
Then we talked about how he's been doing, what I've been up to, etc. And he did his job, getting me my bucket of balls, talking about golf, etc.
But why didn't I recognize him?
This guy had a lot of hair when he was younger. One of those guys that even when his hair was short it even had a wave to it because there wasn't enough room to fit on his head if it was straight.
But looking at him now, it was almost like he was a shell of his previous self. He seemed shorter (he always was somewhat short), and less filled out almost. Like he had shrunk over the past *gasp* 9 years since I had last seen him. And it was all because of the barren wasteland that now was his head, left with only tumbleweeds - not even a memory of what his hair used to look like.
And it reminded me of another friend from college I saw a couple weekends ago who had gone completely bald up top and all he had left was on the sides. I couldn't help but feel sorry for the kid.
But as I was getting my hair cut tonight I was thinking of both of them. In the past I've always said that balding was a sign of age, and hopefully in my case, more wisdom and therefore should be embraced and respected.
Now after seeing 2 guys my age really lose a lot up there (almost everything in 1 case) I'm starting to reconsider my foolish pride.
I don't want to lose my hair. With as big of a watermelon I have on these shoulders it will look absolutely terrible when I lose my hair. Yes, I have had my head completely shaven in the past, and no I don't have a problem with it, but even then I still had a quarter inch of hair on every part of my scalp. Having no hair is completely different.
So, I've decided to make an effort to keep my hair. I've noticed my hairline receding (or maybe thinning) I'm not sure. Maybe I've just been a little paranoid about it recently. But I plan on using a special shampoo I've been given (before it's too late) and if it comes to it even looking at certain types of surgery that can be done to keep my head full of hair. Because although when I do get older seeing bald men my age won't be as surprising as it is now, I still think I'll look like less of a man without my hair.
27 years and still doing well. Maybe I'll change my mind if it starts falling out at 40. Until then, worrying about it can only speed up the process.
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