FUCK

You know what I hate the most about myself sometimes? Is the fact that I hold myself (and others) to some pretty high standards regarding a few things.

Well, it is about time I made this post. I don’t think I’ve ever used the subject line of “FUCK” before. So here you go. In all it’s glory.

Today, while bored at work, I was looking over my previous bills, knowing that my Comcast bill was due soon. Looking over my previous payments I realized that “FUCK!” I missed out on a couple bills. So here I am, sitting now. Realizing that it is MY responsibility and no one else’s that these bills get paid on time.

I’ve worked out a pretty successful bill paying method. And because I’m OCD and bored out of my mind, I’ll write it out for you. Obviously if things don’t go this way, things get FUCKED.

1) Get bill in mail

2) Open bill

3) Be happy and/or sad and/or surprised regarding bill

4) Bring bill upstairs

5) Pay bill using http://www.becu.org/ online bill payer (actually very nifty/helpful)

6) Write the word “PAID” in big BOLD graffiti marker pen writing. I do this because it feels good and I also know for sure that the bill is paid and I no longer have to worry about it.

7) Let the bill sit on the desk until it gets too cluttered and either Michelle puts it in our “important papers” folder, or is thrown away.

So guess what. Tonight I became a person I despise. And hating yourself is the worst feeling in the world. I don’t think I will be able to sleep tonight. Mainly it is for this reason: We got no interest financing on for both our TV and our other appliances. Sweet deal. Same as cash. Pay off the entire balance by X date and don’t pay a cent extra. Just like using your own money, but making monthly installments (how I look at it).

Anyway, I looked through a pile of mail that’s been sitting on the computer desk for at least 3 weeks now. What DO YOU KNOW!!! There’s 2 different bills there. And golly gee, they’re saying I’m past due! And they’re also saying I now owe late fees! Woohoo! I’m their favorite customer now! Before it was ME screwing them out of money…well, for you econ majors out there, TIME VALUE of money. They got it all back in fell swoop of the LATE fee. Or what I like to think of it as: The punishment for being an idiot.

Wow. Awesome. I’m a complete d-bag.

Let’s break it down as to how this issue occurred:

All steps from above, 1) through 4) were followed in all of their glory.

5) Somehow 5) became PUT BILL in important papers bin.

6) Is now sit in important papers bin until past due

7) Receive a late notice in mail that is never read as it is stacked in bunch of other mail

8) Sift through unread mail

9) Sinking feeling

10) Go to look in important papers bin

11) Realize that I did receive the bills, and somehow did not pay them, also realize that it is my RESPONSIBILITY TO PAY THEM

12) Get fucking pissed that it is my responsibility

13) Go to http://www.becu.org/ and pay double what is owed on the bills in an angry rage

14) Write FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK all over the bills, 2 out of 5 which are late and which also caused me a late fee, while the companies sit there and laugh because they made an extra $70 off of my stupidity.

15) Take a picture to remember the moment so it never happens AGAIN, and also for your viewing entertainment.

See how many more steps that is? It’s much easier if I adhere to my own standards and just pay fucking bills on time and look like a smart and good customer with it’s head on it’s shoulder, not the guy, who tomorrow will call both credit companies and ask for a one time refund based off the fact I have not had a late payment the past 7 months (wow what great history) but whatever, I’m going to beg. And yes, $70 is just enough money to get me to beg for a refund. Fuck $20 would’ve been.

Wow. It’s going to be tough to sleep tonight. It’s also going to be hard to not blame Michelle. My life sucks right now. Did you want a Vegas trip post? Too bad. We drank a lot and I spent a ridiculous amount of money. Anything else you need to know? Ok. One more post for this month. That’s all you get. It’ll probably be the cold feet post next time. Oh and if you couldn’t tell or I forgot to write, that’s a picture of 5 of the monthly bills I have…it says “FUCK” all over them.

Seriously. Fuck.

So "Frickin" Picky

The shoes I own I’ve now had for more than a year and a half. In fact, in 3 months I will have owned them for 2 years. They smell horribly, look like they’ve been run through mud a few times (which they have) the soles have little traction left and they just give my entire look (when I wear them) an overall “shabby/I don’t care what I look like” look. Which, I really don’t. But still. I need new tennis and/or running shoes. Sometimes I just want to be that guy that has clean white shoes. Because clean white shoes stand out. It’s like that brand new car. You can always tell when someone’s driving that brand new car because it’s got the temporary license number in the upper left hand corner of the back window, it is spotless, and the license plate advertises the place they purchased it from.

Plus it’s got that new car smell. And I wonder how many people buy those cars just for that new car smell. I have heard it is toxic. The pleasure derived from that smell though is worth it. New shoes have a smell to them too. At least Nike’s do.

Here is the problem, as I see it: 1) I need shoes that will last me a long time. The current pair I am wearing has done a fabulous job of staying together, and compared to other pairs of running shoes I owned, really doesn’t smell that bad after a year and a half. 2) I need shoes that not everyone else has. I hate it when I see another guy with my same shoes. In this regard, you can call me a woman. 3) I am picky overall when it comes to what I wear. Most things just don’t “fit me right” or are the “wrong color”. Other than shoes, I have a minimum wait time for clothes to be included in my “daily rotation”. I guess this is why shoes are so important to me. Is because the day I get them (in the mail since I order from Eastbay because no one but Nordstrom’s carries my size 14s, and their selection sucks when it comes to my size) is the day I put them on.

I always say to myself when I find a pair of shoes I really love, “I should have bought two pairs”. Why? Here I am now, stuck with old stinky, dingy shoes, wishing I had a new pair of the same shoes. But because of my pickiness, I haven’t seen a shoe that absolutely grabbed my attention like every pair or every piece of clothing I own (other than needed stuff like jeans/khakis/socks). So now, I am waiting. Waiting for someone to put out a shoe (preferably with some white in it for that clean look) that looks good to me.

I just ordered a pair of white pumas, but of course they were backordered, only to be cancelled on me. Lovely. Every single one of my groomsmen gets a pair and I don’t get one.

And sometimes, this kind of stuff just sickens me. Because 80% of the rest of the world would just be happy owning more clothes. Or new clothes for that matter. But because I work, because I earn money, that gives me the opportunity of choice. Suddenly if I’ve got the ability to spend $200 online on a new pair of shoes, the entire world opens up to me. So many brands, so many styles…too many choices. Really, I don’t need new shoes. I just want them. For some reason there’s still that little kid in me, that believes that when I put on new shoes I can run faster and jump higher. I literally used to get home from the mall in my brand new Reebok pumps and run around the cul-de-sac feeling like suddenly I was 10-25% faster. I also used to, actually, scratch that, even to this day when I get home from being outside in my new shoes, I’ll grab a paper towel and wipe the shoes down. This will go on until about the 2-3 month mark.

I think one of the things I took from high school from one of my favorite teachers, Mr. Aetzel was that if you pay for quality, and maintain the product well, you’ll end up spending less than if you buy a crappy product but maintain it just the same. Quality will show over time.

Something I had completely forgotten about was my wedding band. I don’t know why this never crossed my mind. Michelle definitely mentioned to me that we had to go shopping for mine. And I found the one I want. I really wanted a graphite colored one. Nothing very bright at all. Of course the one I want is $1500. And it is “the one”. Unfortunately Michelle and I are too cheap to get it. So, she brought home alternate ones for me to try on. They look similar, but they just are not “the one”. I don’t know if anyone feels this way about things too. But I have to absolutely love something to buy it. It has to be perfect. This way, I rarely deal with buyer’s remorse. I guess part of what I don’t understand is how we can spend more than $10K on her ring and less than 20% of that price on mine.

Maybe this is so typical of how men and women are in the US. I think women have felt the need to be showered with material gifts to feel loved whereas men, not really. Sometimes I wonder if men even really need to feel loved at all. Honestly, I would opt out of the wedding ring if I wasn’t told I had to wear one. My dad doesn’t wear one. I’m just not a big fan of accessories at all. Never wore a watch. Never will get my ears pierced, or anything else for that matter. And a ring on my finger? Eh, ok. If I’m going to wear something for the rest of my life, at least get me something that I wouldn’t mind seeing on there.

6 days until we leave for the bachelor party. 23 days until the wedding. Should I be scared that I’m not scared? Hmmm…

PSA RE: Traffic

This is a Public Service Announcement to all bad drivers in Washington state (note: I understand that a lot of drivers here are transplants from: California. Arizona. New York. Texas. India. China. Japan. And a multitude of other areas/places. This is what makes this area so great/diverse but at the same time, overcrowded.) as if any of a majority of this area would read this post anyway. But maybe if people find it interesting and/or agree with it they could pass it along to their fellow Seattleites.

When driving on the freeway in normal traffic I have seen a rash of drivers wanting to cause slow downs and back ups. Do you like traffic? Do you like getting bad mileage on your car and not treating your engine well? Do you like sitting in the heat and smelling all the fumes of cars around you? If you do, then by all means please continue to do the following things. If not, please try reading through my check list and see if you do any of these things. Remember, if you start to feel defensive while reading, you could be guilty too. I’m hoping that all of us sharing a little common sense while driving will ease traffic issues…but probably not.

1) The left lane is the FAST lane. If you see someone passing you on the right, giving you the stare of death, or the finger, this means that you are going TOO SLOW for them. Yes. Some people are crazy and go 130 mph down the freeway. If you see them barreling towards you, and you are going 50 mph in the left lane, 10 mph slower than the speed limit, GET OUT OF THE WAY. Do not cause an accident by blocking them. Do not cause a back up by break checking them, thus causing them to lose control of their vehicle and create a 14 car pileup. We all have times when we are in a hurry. In fact, there are those out there, like myself that don’t like to waste time driving at all. Especially on the weekdays. So when you see me driving 85-90 in the left lane and flashing my brights at you it doesn’t mean I hate you. It doesn’t mean anything personal. This is my way of telling you that you are moving too slow and like the point says, the left lane is the fast lane. If you see a line of cars start to stack up behind you and you can’t figure out why? If you think that by going slower you’re keeping everyone else safe, this is incorrect. Those who are in a hurry will begin to tailgate…which brings me to...

2) Tailgating. Riding someone’s ass isn’t going to make them go any faster. Especially old people, and those who are completely oblivious to what’s going on around them/complete idiots trying to prove a point. By leaving less space between you and the car in front of you, you create issues for not only yourself but those in front, to the sides and behind you. Especially when tailing SUVs, trucks, or other cars where you can't in front them. Ever seen a blow out happen on the freeway before? I have. And luckily the person driving the van handled it masterfully. On top of that, they were driving in the middle lane and no one was tailing them. If a situation like this occurs, do you think you’ve left enough space in front of you to not rear end this person? From what I’ve seen in heavy traffic situations, probably not. Leave enough distance for you to stop if anything were to go wrong. And instead of tailing, why not figure out a way to pass them? There are alternatives to getting pissed off yourself, and possibly angering another driver.

3) Merging. This is the bane of my driving experience. This is what creates 70% of traffic. It is that bad. And lucky me, I now get off in time at 3 pm to see a few bad apples ruin it for the rest of us. A few things: When merging, get up to freeway speed and either get in front of someone, or get behind someone in the flow of traffic. It sounds simple enough, but the amount of times I see people fail at it time and time again…it is just ridiculous. I think the reason that people are so bad at it is because they lack guts. Balls. Aggression. It’s like that person that stops at yield signs no matter what. If your car can fit between two cars, take it. Hopefully the people you are merging in to aren’t assholes and let you in. Which is the secondary point to this. If you are driving on the freeway and see a large number of cars trying to merge in to the far right lane, and suddenly the right lane opens wide, there is a reason for this. The rest of us logical people are MOVING out of the way for the oncoming merging traffic. I don’t think there is anything worse while driving than seeing the asshole who grabs the opening in the right lane, speeds through it, only to cut off people who are merging…good job buddy, you saved yourself about a minute travel time. But back to those who have trouble merging. NEVER STOP. If you are merging in to moving traffic, you should never touch your brakes. Merging is an art form of keeping a safe distance with the people in front of you who are merging and the people next to you who are whizzing by on the freeway. If you don’t know how to do it properly, or are deathly afraid of merging, I’d recommend staying off of the freeways for everyone else’s sake.

4) One more quick note regarding freeway driving. If you weren’t aware, you have other options than the gas or the brake. I have noticed a lot of you other drivers out there only choosing one of these options: Gas or brake. Now, I’m not sure, do you think your car dies if you’re not using the gas? Have you ever heard of coasting before? You can let off the gas if you want to slow down a little bit. Just to give everyone the heads up…even touching your break causes a chain reaction. People see red lights and immediately they think they also have to slow down. When in fact, that person that is no longer touching their gas and has instead switch to “brake mode” is doing just that, not gassing, so braking. When in fact, they’ve got 10 car lengths in front of them, and even enough space to coast to a stop if need be. In fact, we should all be leaving enough room between us and the cars in front of us that if they do apply pressure to their brakes, we can coast for a little bit before deciding to brake ourselves. This will definitely help the flow of traffic.

5) The “free right”. I know. It’s counterintuitive. It’s scary. I know. But you’ve got to do it. It’s not against the law. It’s a red light you say? I know. So stop first. Look to your left. Is anyone coming? No? Then go. Other than someone almost hitting me, being stopped for no reason (whether you thought a green light meant “stop” or fell asleep at the light or don’t have the guts for the “free right”) these are the only times that I will honk. And people in Seattle seem to take the “honk” so personally! It’s not that I hate you and think that your family should die…All I’m trying to say is: LOOK! You can go! I’m waiting! Now go! That’s it. Nothing more.

And with that, I’ll get off my soapbox. That’s all the preaching I wanted to do. (For now). NINE DAYS UNTIL THE BACHELOR PARTY IN VEGAS! *So excited*