Halloween, but nothing to do with it.

So I didn’t get a chance to do my “weekly Sunday night” write. They are usually worn, tired, crazy and possibly delirious, depending on how late in the night it is. Last night, I didn’t write. Today, I decided to write. I figured, let’s try a whole post from work, possibly? Unless I’ve done that before? I don’t know.

Last night I washed all my dress pants (well the ones I typically wear, which amounts to THREE of them) and let them sit in the dryer. They’re probably wrinkled. And because of that, I didn’t pull any of them out this morning and iron them. Because I am somewhat lazy, and I have other business casual attire that will suffice. So they’re probably sitting there, all alone in the dryer, wrinkled and cold, wondering when they’ll see the light of day, or at least the dark warmth of my closets and all their friends. ( “Why hello there striped shirt!” ) Ok, we’re having a potluck at work today and I’ve ate way entirely too much sugar. Also, I’ve had my first taste of caffeine since Friday night. What am I? Mormon? Sheesh. Either way, I’m probably going to crash (hard) in about 30 minutes, or be up and running around until 2 am tonight.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, my pants. So, all things considered, I am having trouble breathing right now. Unlike my counterparts here, I have gone back 3 times to the potluck to grab more food. I am skipping my lunch and leaving it in the fridge so I don’t have to worry about it tomorrow. Hopefully no one else here at work eats it, although they’ve been SUPERBLY good about not eating anyone else’s food. Side note: There has been 4 different Sobes of 4 different flavors sitting at the bottom shelf of the fridge for the past 3 months. I want to scream. They are unopened, and no one has claimed them, nor have they drank them. I wonder, does someone drink one of them, but immediately replace them and make sure they are in the same order as before? I don’t think this is the case. No one is THAT anal, and if they are, it’s crazy that I would even THINK they would be like them. To get to the point: I want to drink them. I want to drink at least one. It SEEMS LIKE NO ONE IS GOING TO DRINK THEM! Three months! I mean, c’mon, at least move them or something. Get them out of the fridge and away from my wanting eyes, my pining eyes…such sweet carrot juice…elixirs of life. Part of me wants to believe that some social studies major is running some sort of experiment on relationships at work and has placed these Sobe bottles in major traffic area fridges around the nation to see how certain workplaces react and how respectful they are.

When I used to work at Eddie Bauer, my lunch was stolen about once every 2 weeks. It was disheartening. I would always complain to my manager who would also get angry. It got to the point where I was thinking that I could put my NAME on my bags of food and no one would eat them. You know what the FREAKING worst ever was though? When I was working at WAMU and dropped off HALF of my leftover Teriyaki. Someone…some DEVIL had the audacity to eat JUST THE CHICKEN, and leave the rice. Remember, this food was HALF EATEN already! I couldn’t believe it! I was shocked.

And I always said to people that would laugh at my misfortune: “If these people would just ask for some money, I would go and DRIVE them to the teriyaki place/store/etc. and BUY them the food, since they’re so BROKE and hungry they OBVIOUSLY have to eat mine”. Since that point, I’ve wanted a job where my lunch was stolen so I could secretly POISON it with laxatives, and other dubious (does this word make sense here?) items. These moochers would pay. But, until then, I’ll thank my lucky stars that most everyone I work with makes ENOUGH money to bring their own lunch, or at least buy it.

Tangent: It’s snowing up in the passes now. I talked to someone named Christine Burton today also. Burton is a snowboarding company, they made my snowboard pants. Snowboarding is coming very soon. Check back for updates about how people tell me I should be a professional snowboarder but I am content in them just telling me so. End tangent.

So, this bird flu thing. That’s kind of scary. Here I am, eating my breakfast this morning, and the news is telling me that if it comes to the states, TWO MILLION PEOPLE could die? 2 million? Ummm…doesn’t that mean one of those people could be me? It always could be me I suppose. But I hate how they use these scare tactics…and now, I’m washing my hands after going to the bathroom. Look at how the news has changed my life! *sarcastic* I’m worried about eating Turkey this thanksgiving, chicken…and maybe even pork, since it’s “the other white meat”. Wouldn’t it be funny if it was the pig flu? *chuckles* No, it wouldn’t be. And those that laughed at that joke don’t understand how much we, as 60% (or whatever it is, 95%) overweight Americans rely on pork. Those that laughed should be ashamed of yourselves. Hang your heads.

I drink one gulp of sprite, and chase it down with water. That is weird, but I like it because I feel it washes that sugary aftertaste down my mouth and prepares me for another sip of POP.
Ok, so I didn’t really get to touch on the things that I really wanted to talk about: Finally paying for the engagement ring, the great time I had at a couple’s party on Friday night, and how much of a pain moving is…but maybe when I feel like complaining and talking about things that we feel like we SHOULD be interested in, I’ll let y’all know. Until then, remember that drinking sprite out of a straw is better for you because it doesn’t touch your teeth. Unless…you’re one of those weird people that swishes it around in your mouth like Listerine. Because there are definitely those people out there. Just try not to be one of them.

Hump Day

So this should tell you something about the day I'm having today: I brushed my teeth with my pointer finger.

That's right ladies and gentlemen. No tooth brush for me! No sir. My girlfriend basically thought the idea of me borrowing her tooth brush was "gross". And that brushing my teeth with her toothbrush was more gross than me doing so with a finger. I just want to let you all know, for those that haven't tried it yet: It doesn't really work. The paste gets all over your lips, your teeth, you don't really feel clean, your finger is sticky even after long rinsings. Yeah, it's not that great of an idea. The toothpaste doesn't even foam up! I mean, how can you get clean just by "applying" toothpaste to your teeth? I don't know if you can or not. Which sucks, because I have a dentist appointment next Tuesday, and of course I've been doing a great job of flossing, brushing for at least two minutes (and trying to do so softly) and also using the rubber pick to strengthen my gums. My teeth should be in the best shape of their lives as I usually floss about once a month maybe, instead of the once to twice a day I've been doing for the past month and a half now. I mean, honestly after this whole flossing hoopla I can successfully say that I floss my teeth “every couple of days”. That’s right. 1 month straight of flossing once to twice a day makes up for the rest of the year not flossing. Gross. I know that’s what you’re thinking. I don’t care. There are people in this world that don’t even take showers…let’s not even talk about dental hygiene!

Today I played in a multi table tournament for $30 on Party Poker. I placed 32^nd out of 720 people for a whopping $118.00. But, it sucked almost 4 hours out of my day and I felt completely drained and emotionally wrecked. That’s what “going deep” in MTTs (multi-table tournaments) do to me. You have to be on the ball 100%. 1 misstep in a no limit tournament and you’re gone. That’s what is so stressful about it. I definitely made a few errors, raising when I shouldn’t have, folding when I should have called, but somehow I still made it in to the money. Skilled players can make it to the money. Skilled players who have luck on their side can make it to the final table. That is the difference.

The only reason I am writing tonight is because I am not tired. I thought I was tired, but got a second wind. I guess all these nights of staying up until 2 am during my “bereavement leave” have set my body clock to that. Unlucky for me. I have to wake up at 7 tomorrow when I’m used to getting up at 9:30 and 10:00 am now. The rain sure has a way of putting a damper on things. I need to pay off my credit card. Stupid credit card. Why do I pay for basically EVERYTHING with it? I’ve got cash in my wallet. I’ve got my check card which will pay for it with basically cash. But no, I’ve got to let a little $150-$2500 (my credit limit) hang over my head every month just so I can feel like I’m “building credit”. BUILDING CREDIT? Please. I’ve had a credit card since I was 18. That’s 5 years of doing this. Over these 5 years I’ve paid off two cars. The first one co-signed, the 2^nd fully under my name. When they ran the credit check on me to apply for a $400K loan on our house, mine was next to perfect. I think they told me the only way I get any better is if I pay off a mortgage and am over 25…40 something old like that.

Ok, now I remembered what I really wanted to talk about. I always used to say, “There are no absolute truths in life”. Someone corrected me by saying, “Yes there is, it’s death”. So, I stand corrected. The only absolute truth in life is death. Everyone that is living right now will die. What you do between the moment you are born and the moment you die is more or less up to you. Having said that, the inevitability of time was quite disturbing to me as I was lying in bed and not being able to sleep tonight. I thought to myself, “God, the last time I worked was more than a week ago. What happened to 7 days? Why is it that when I’m working the week seems to move ever so slowly, yet when I’m free to do as I please, here I am, 7 days later with not very much to show for it, but at least more to show than if I had been working? 7 days.” Just yesterday I was thinking about how well the Seahawks played and how excited I was to have 3 more days off. Just yesterday I was eating Applebee’s with Michelle and telling her how nice it will be to have 5 days off. Just yesterday I was discussing with my manager how much time I could take off. You won’t believe this, but they gave me the option of a month. They’d only pay me a week, but still, I could take a month off. That would definitely be nice. So, I took what they would pay me for. Any drop in income right now would hurt a lot. And that’s what is scary about not having a job to me. Every month we’re going to basically have $1000 between Michelle and I after the mortgage and bills. Somehow we’ve got to build up some sort of nest just in case one of us loses our jobs…has some sort of mental breakdown…has to buy a new car…enough to get by while we’re scrambling to find something basically…this is scary to me. Definitely one of those “high risk high reward” type of deals. Something I am used to I suppose.

Wednesday is hump day. I didn’t do any humping today. Definitely with the brushing of teeth with finger, but definitely not with the humping. For those that haven’t seen it, NYC beats Chicago in Nike Basketball Battlegrounds. Of course they win, NYC always freaking wins. And that’s why we hate them. Chicago had a huge lead going in to half and they blew it. I think one of their main guys got hurt though. Also, I watched about 6 episodes of “Breaking Bonaduce” while playing poker. That guy is a trip, and his wife deserves an award for sticking by him as she’s done. I guess it’s tough with the kids and all. Last I checked, the Houston Astros were up 5-1 in the 8^th inning, so unless Pujols hits some sort of grand slam + 1 I don’t think they’re going to be playing another game. ‘Stros ‘gainst the chi’sox for the World Series. What a sleeper. Sox in 5.

Did I mention I was on the road to losing weight and getting “cut”? Yeah, that’s happening by new year’s eve. I’ve cut out a lot of drinking over the past few weeks (even though it was already at an all time minimum) and I’ve been working out at least every other day, and worked out a lot during this vacation. I’d like to get rid of the gut first, but it’s shrinking very slowly. I guess it’s a lot easier to put it on then get it off. I’d like to end tonight’s post with something memorable or at least witty. On this desk there is stationary with fish on it and a cat swimming with the fish with scuba gear on. The title reads, “Fishy Business”. I laughed that “one laugh” at it the first time I saw it. Like that one “Hah!” you let out when you see something like that. Wish me luck at my next two days of work, I’m sure they’re going to suck.

Sunday nights + Random

The Sunday nights are always the toughest. Always the loneliest, always the longest, shortest, most dreaded. The only thing I can hear is typing. Quiet whine of the computer beside me. I’m starting to learn that I lack focus. That I can do great at things if I just keep my mind focused and driven. But sometimes those thoughts sway, my mind wanders. And for that split second that I’m not paying attention, things that could go wrong…can. Not that I’m saying that they do. I’m just saying that suddenly things swing against me that I can’t control…bah, it’s not all bad at all. The only reason that I write in here is out of sheer, complete boredom.

Let’s see, what to talk about this week: I’m about halfway through my bereavement vacation. It’s been nice to have some time off from work. I definitely have taken as much advantage of it as I’ve wanted to. The past few nights I definitely wanted to go out…well out more than I did, but not doing so is better for me. I’m on a mission to cut 5 pounds by the end of this month, and get more “cut” (period) by the end of the year. That was my new year’s resolution, I slacked, sure, but I’ve still got time left. BAH. The typical mind of the procrastinator. Either way, the past few days, now that I’ve had time off, I’ve been doing 2 and 3 hours of working out, and not just cardio…but cardio for an hour. Weights for an hour…hitting the punching bag for an hour…the gut is definitely what I’m hoping to get rid of. I am very tired of it. The sad thing is, lots of people would say I am skinny. But the stupid BMI calculator says I’m overweight. Of course, the “lots of people” that would say I was skinny are also fatter than me, so I suppose that doesn’t count. BAH, body image is so boring to talk about.

The movie “Crash”. Highly recommend it for people that haven’t seen it yet. It’s one of those movies where people do, act, and say exactly what many of us are thinking. Can I also admit that I bawled at one point in the movie? If you can figure out what point that is, cookie for you. And it’s got that weird “karma” thing going to it too. Personally, I’m starting to believe that there really aren’t any “good” people in the world left. Most everyone is on an “even keel” doing both good and bad every day. Now, there are definitely the people who lean more to each side, and being able to recognize each type of person is a very strong tool when dealing with the rest of the human population. Where am I going with this? Religion: a tool for the masses to keep in check. Karma (yin-yang, balance, etc): a tool for the non-religious (and some religious people) to keep the masses in check. Where do people GET this notion? It’s absolutely ridiculous. Take a high enough population and things are going to happens to multitudes of people, the same way, the same time, or NOT HAPPEN AT ALL. This is my only problem with the film “Crash”. I don’t think that things come back to you, it’s just your head putting that on you. You ran over someone’s cat, and then your bird died the next morning…two completely separate events, yet for those “believers”, it “serves you right”. BS. You make up some story, some reason for the way things are…guess what, you had choices. Yes, everything happens for a reason. But, I look at this I think differently from other people. There is a reason to every action. I broke my hand. I shouldn’t have punched this wood desk (don’t worry, I didn’t break my hand). But, when “shit happens”, what is the point of just reasoning it off like that? I don’t see it…but there are SO MANY EXCUSES: “It was God’s will”, “I deserved it”, “Karma”…So funny how humans work. When things are going in their favor, it’s all their doing. But suddenly when the down swing hits, they try to excuse it away, try to make up for it, or try their best to explain it.

I hate to say it, but life is completely random. If you’re reading this though, you’re probably alive, and doing pretty well since you’ve got internet access somewhere…more than likely indoors too, warm and fed. That’s the exact description of me. And whatever sort of random placement I received here on this Earth I’m damn thankful for…but it makes it so hard questioning it. Why me? Why here? Why am I doing better than 70% of the rest of the World population (maybe 90%?)? This stupid roundabout questioning never gets me anywhere (intention of pun here…once reading over it a second time), yet I tend to do it from time to time, maybe to keep my head in check? Maybe to pull some focus away from the current task at hand? Maybe to make myself feel less significant? Who knows.

Random.

A little sweat.

Tonight, my palms sweat a little. Hold on, I gotta check to see if the rice is still cooking. Ok, back. The rice was STILL in fact cooking. Well, not really cooking but on the “keep warm” mode. That means that it’s done cooking…well, don’t ask me actually, I’m not really sure exactly how the rice maker works, other than the fact that it makes rice by heating up.

Back to the palms. This weekend has been pretty ugly gambling wise. I’m so glad I get to admit it to someone…this blog at the least, because complaining about it to other people who don’t gamble and even those that do probably don’t care to listen, think I’m a complete idiot, etc. blah blah blah. I don’t really like to other people whine, so I don’t try to whine to them. At least, petty whining about stuff that is preventable. So, party poker puts up a blackjack portion of their site. Shit. I’m screwed. And I did. I really did screw myself. But you know what though? Not really. Because since I got home from Vegas, I’m still up a RIDICULOUS amount playing blackjack. And it wasn’t my money that I lost either. That’s the scary thing.

Either way, back story: Party poker and multiple online gaming sites provide bonuses to their players just for playing. Yes, they give you money to play with. Why? They figure most of you are going to lose anyway, so might as well give them some extra money to lose. A lot of people deposit too just to get those bonuses. I am one of them. Playing break even poker I make roughly $22 an hour playing bonuses on Party poker. When I’m losing anywhere between $10-$15 an hour and when I’m winning I’ve seen upwards of $50 per hour. Well, the past 3 days I’ve been playing on Edz’s account. It’s my money, but I don’t think about it as such. In May I gave Elvin $500 for his account, and 5 months later it was $1700. Hell of a return if you ask me. $600 of it I used for Vegas, $350 of it I just lost tonight. So let’s see, that should put his account at roughly $750. Still up $250 for 6 months? Eh. Not bad, if we’re talking interest. And that’s $250 for 25 hours of work. I should be $1850 for 25 hours of work, but it’s not due to aforementioned spending/losses. Today, I worked the bonus, got finished, decided to play a bit…not just a bit, decided to play it ALL. Got up. Got down. Got up. Got down. Got down. Got broke. That’s about exactly how it went. But remember, this isn’t my bank account. That’s the thing. I don’t look at this thing at all. I can’t withdraw from it at any time. The sad thing is, I’ve got 4 accounts like this. At least a grand in each of them, and one with $2200 in it. So much of my money spread out. And I think, after 1 more $100 losing session at blackjack, I’m done with it.

So, let’s go over the rough numbers (because I know you all care so much) I don’t really, but it’s something to talk about at 1 am on a Sunday night when I’ve got nothing better to do. And thinking about money is interesting to me. In Vegas, I lost $3700. When I got home, I won $4800, $1000 of which I left online. That grand is currently $280. The sad thing is, any money that is online ISN’T MY MONEY. I tell myself, I am more than willing to lose it, and if it’s gone, so be it. So, since Vegas, since September, I’m up $100. HAH! That is a joke. BUT, since my GOOD Vegas trip, I’m up overall. And that’s what counts, is the long haul. So this little weekend stint where I lost $500 isn’t really counting I’ve decided. It did make my palms sweat, and I’ve got 4 more accounts to play hopefully for a minimum of a $400 return.

Wow, that’s a lot of talk about online gambling and money. HOW BORING. *Yawn*

Let’s go over my last two weekends: Boring. Sit at home. Sleep. Nap. Watch TV. Watch TV until sleepy and then nap. Drink a glass of champagne to feel like you’re having a mini party for yourself. Surf the net. Punch the punching bag. Shower, sleep. Itch. Complain. Pay for food. Pay a lot for food. Worry about money. Drive, far. 2 hours round trip. Worry about gas, in turn worry about money. Enjoy fall leaves. Be depressed about not partying. Think about losing weight. Think about everyone drinking right now. Think about how the glass of champagne wasn’t enough to fool myself, but it is making me tired. Sleep. Wake up in the middle of the night not able to sleep. Gamble. Be sad while listening to Damien Rice’s “Cannonball”. Send a text message at 1 am to people who know the song. Get one reply and one jealous girlfriend. Question life. Stare at the ceiling. Be numb. Wear colors that don’t show dandruff. Realize you’re going to get 6 hours of sleep tonight. Maybe less if you keep writing. Not care. Sneeze. Blow your nose, look at the snot, throw snot rag away. Vacuum. Eat cake. Desire to be elsewhere, doing other things. Daydream. Walk the dog, carry the dog, laugh at carrying the dog, run away from bears in the forest, but not really bears, probably a squirrel falling out of a tree. Eat Costco hotdogs. Eat Mongolian grill. Huskies bye and a rare Seahawks win in a different house. What not to wear, nudity and more sleeping. A hurried exit. A short phone call. Text messages. Sweaty palms. Boredom quickly followed by depression. And, here we are, catharsis. So good to be writing again, although I wish it was in my journal. Ah well, this will have to do. Do I write too much? Do I write too little? This quote always runs through my head, it’s one that often bothers me too: “If you’re bored, you’re boring”. If A, thus B. Unfortunately, I must be. Sleep is the only thing I can do to avoid it I think.