Just want to be over with it

I just paid our Comcast bill and also our bill for our appliances. Just those two amounted to more than $300.

I am a very impatient person. And because I am very impatient, it means I don’t want to make payments. I don’t want to make monthly payments to pay off things. Because every time I make a payment, that means another month has passed. And I could look back over the month and definitely see good things, fun things, good memories, but I see them less frequently than I’d like to.

It’s weird to think about exactly how many people spend 30 years in a house and pay the whole thing off. I can’t imagine doing that. I can’t imagine the person that spends 30 years in the same house, making the same payment every month and then at the end of 30 years, exactly 360 monthly payments later, gets the deed to their house and finally outright ownership. Obviously, this won’t be the case for Michelle and me. I don’t imagine us paying 360 payments to pay this house. We’re already paying over the amount we owe every month. And once we finish with our appliances and TV, we’ll be able to pay even more in to our mortgage…but…

It’s not coming soon enough. It’s not going fast enough. I don’t have the patience. I’ve been in this house for exactly 5 months as of this Friday. So that means I’ve got 356 more payments to go, because we didn’t make a payment the first month we were in here. I want to look 5 years down the road and miraculously have this thing paid off. It was the same way with my car. 5 year loan, finished in 2 and a half years. I got antsy. And yeah, sure all of those econ majors out there can point to me and say, “Well what about the time value of money?” And to that, I say, I feel better if money isn’t being sucked out of my account. I’d rather be broke and not see money come out of my account, then see lots of money come in to the account and just funnel straight out of it. For some reason that latter is much more painful to me, for reasons that would probably be pretty hard to describe.

When I was paying off my car, they expected a payment of $275 or something like that every month. But I was paying $500 a month. And on my last payment, I dumped $1200 off to them just so I could be done with it. I think here’s part of the reason, no the main reason why: Is because I hated seeing that money leave. This is the reason that I felt like writing this blog post tonight, is because I was kind of sick at this point of my mortgage coming out. And I’ve only got 29.5 years left of it. And of course, everyone can say it’s an investment. Yes, it is, I agree. Every dollar we put in to this house will come back to us hopefully double. That is barring any disaster, and assuming that we sell it. It will be hard to sell it though. The only thing I dislike about it is the school district. And that can be fixed by just plain old good parenting.
I just think about the $2800 coming out every month out of our joint account and I cringe. I mean, really, what could we do with that money? At the least save it. That was another point that I wanted to make. Is that I never wanted money so I could buy things with it. I just wanted money to have a lot of it. Because having that cushion for some reason feels really great. The moment we’ve got 6 months of mortgage payments in cash in the bank is the day that I’m going to feel better about this. And from my calculations, if Michelle and I don’t get raises (which we will) that point will be 4 years from now.

And thinking about 4 years from now is for some reason a pretty heavy weight. I mean, we could have a child by then. What then with that nest egg? Does it then go to the child? Does Michelle quit her job to stay home with child? Or do I? Are my parents or hers retired? How many days a week can they take them? Do I work part time? How long can we stay at home and how far does that push back retirement? What does a huge wind fall of money do? What happens if I get lucky?

I can’t even think about what the plan is for this coming Tuesday, 2 days from now, let alone 4 years from now. I am thinking too much. I should really think, and stress less. But it is hard. Because I want to be comfortable. And I think that being comfortable, or at least getting there takes a lot of discomfort. Was there a sign up sheet for this? I don’t remember volunteering for it.