It's been a long time

“We shouldn’t’ve left you, left you without a dope beat to step to”.

Not really.

For some it might have been an eternity. For others, maybe I just skipped a month? Writing in here suddenly became so hard to me. I wanted to write about things that were awesome, exciting…interesting. But I had nothing really to say. And every time I wanted to rant about something, or express my joy towards something…I just never found the time to put it in writing.

So here it is. Here is some of it. Here is the best I can do with my keyboard and my mind trying to translate what I am saying in to words.

Joy is having the best wedding of the summer. Joy is surpassing some of the best weddings you’ve ever been to but being better in the ways you wanted it to be. Joy is taking weeks off of work to travel the coast. See things I’ve heard about or seen a million times on TV but never taken the chance to see them in person. It is like the Golden Gate bridge. I have seen it so many times on TV…in movies…but until I came around that corner and saw it…until I drove over it…that was an experience I won’t forget. Joy is very hard for me to express. And I had this same frustration with music. As I’m sure most other artists have had. The medium that restrains me may have prevented me from sharing anything…everything…because words were too little. To write it out would be great to read years from now on, but even still it can’t really capture the whole of it.

I ran in to the same thing back when I was composing music for the piano. Yes, I wrote music up until about my sophomore year of high school. I became delusional with it after I wanted to make something that broke through, only to realize that every note ever played has already been played. More than likely, every chord progression has been progressed through. What is original is not and is actually just a transposition of previous compositions. People compare. They make similes. They’ve seen or heard things before. They label. How does one say a professional basketball player is like two previous basketball players mixed in one? How do people apply this notion to music? And to writing?

It must be truly frustrating for artists who try to be completely original. This is my work. This was created with my own hands. And although I do have my influences, those created who I am. Yes, these words have been used before. And of course I have read and heard them at every turn. But it is the medium in which I must communicate and therefore it is the best I can do. It’s almost a feeling of being imprisoned by knowledge…

Really though. What am I saying. I’m just getting lost in my own late night drabble.

To get on to things less serious…Online poker as we know it will now be gone in the next few weeks, months…gone. On October 13th, 2006 a bill was signed that made it illegal for any US resident to place an online wager…at least in the state of Washington. And lucky me, I live in Washington. Since before the wedding I hadn’t really been playing much as I had played a TON on the bachelor party and really if I can get a good weekend session once a month I’ll be held over just fine. But now, almost 2 months later, I sat here and looked at a blank Google screen wondering what the fuck I was going to do with myself. I traded shifts with a coworker for one day. Which means that I get to wake up 3 hours later than normal.

Lucky me. That also means if I would like I can stay up 3 hours later than normal. So that’s what I’m doing. Normally, I would’ve been asleep at the latest 30 minutes ago. I definitely feel tired enough to do so…but how many chances will I get like this of staying up and being able to wake up late? Regardless tomorrow will suck. And the day after that will be about the same. Along with every day there after. Sometimes I really wonder how people carry on. Even the most stressful jobs have their monotony…their “grind”. And I don’t understand why I’m feeling like this. I mean, I do, but I don’t really want to fight it. It just seems like a lot of the corporate culture I’ve experienced is that you’re there for the paycheck. You’re not there to change the world. Use the money you make to make yourself “happy” outside of work because obviously for the 8 hours your there, you’re just shuffling…pushing paper.

To completely change the subject…because I’ve been doing that tonight obv…I wanted to share pictures. Pictures that meant the most from my honeymoon. And I won’t include captions. You can just look at them and think what you will of them. Make up your own caption for them…whatever…but shit I’ve got to resize them for that to work. And I want them to be below this post…so that means I’ll have to post them first. *sigh*

Anyway, that is my first post back from a somewhat confused and frustrated with blogs hiatus. I mean, in my journals I used to keep with pen and paper sometimes I would just doodle and write randomly throughout the page to keep my mind working…on this computer screen I’m really enclosed to just this line…and that’ll end it. Hopefully I’ll be back.