No posts for September

I've got the posts lined up.

I promise I'll put them up - there will be at least 3 for September. Blogger gives us the ability now to post in to any time we'd like to so people with a minor case of OCD like myself can have their posts spread properly throughout time.

And this will kind of be a throw away post.

But I wanted to mention something that's always bothered me about this blog.

Around 6th grade or so I started to keep journals. I wanted to let my thoughts out - because I had a lot of them. I don't think I thought more things than the average kid did - It just felt better to have them down on paper.

And they're still sitting in a drawer somewhere in my parent's house. Waiting to be read again. I picked up one from junior high a couple years ago and remember the girls I wrote about and all those awkward moments in the hallways. I wrote in those journals up until I started this blog. Every night I tried to write at least a page. Handwritten. And unlike this blog, I typically had something to fill that page with. And it was because I was free.

The whole "self-censored" aspect of this blog was kind of a dig against online public blogging. Specifically blogging about your own life, or things that you experience. Because no matter how private I made this blog someone out there had the chance of reading what I wrote. Heck, I even removed my last name from the posts because I didn't like the idea of my blog posts appearing when doing Google searches for my name. I even dropped the wife's name and only refer to her as "wife" now in my later posts. If people knew about me or were close to me they can definitely feel free to read my blog (I would hope everyone feels this way). I partially write to keep them up to date with my life or provide them some reading material. But even for them I censor what I write. I have never been 100% open with the words I put on here.

And that is bothersome.

Because there are those deep, dark thoughts that I think all of us have. And the last time I let any of those out was with a pen on a college ruled 3 hole punched piece of paper. In a way it's kind of sad - but it has to be done in order to keep just that - order.

And if you're reading this and thinking that I've got some big secret to hide, I don't. It's just the stupid thoughts that we all have about anything, that if we ever said out loud (as I tend to do more so than others IMO) we would be looked down upon. Or judged. Vehemently disagreed with or even shunned. Or maybe you don't think like I do. How can I know? I'm not in your head.

It's just like any normal conversation we have. Do you say any thought that pops in your head to the person or people you are speaking with? No. You filter out your thoughts and (hopefully) find the most appropriate things to say to keep your environment in that safe zone and as sanitary as possible. That quiet ignorance of other's true thoughts and feelings that we all enjoy.

So this is the post where I want to be able to write anything. But I don't. And so it goes in all my posts on this blog.

Maybe this should've been post #1? I think I touched on it a little bit in that post too.

This post has got me thinking now though (shocking and/or ironic) about what life would be like if we played with our cards facing up. What would happen if everyone knew exactly what other people were thinking at any time. How would our relationships change? How would the world change?

I'll end with this: For those that are reading this, take some time to think about how much censorship you are placing on yourself and what your motives are for doing so. Seems like the perfect mind fuck to me.