I can't not not

I don't know what my problem is.

I can't put together a post.

I get about 3 or 4 paragraphs in...then read it. Then decide it's terrible. Then click "save now" and hope to find some inspiration later to finish it.

Luckily this isn't one of those posts.

After a few big life news items today - luckily none of them happening directly to me I can't not not write.

I had to say something.

It was one of those days where unfortunately the saddest of news gives you the best of perspective.

And for those in the know and wondering - no it's not just that. Someone close - and too young to die - is approaching it all too quickly.

And it scares the heck out of me.

So the question for today was - why waste my life?

Why not be as healthy as I can be?

Why not have fun?

Why not.

I feel like I've been in a haze for over 6 months. I'm not sure what happened to me. And - because of that fog I haven't been able to write. I haven't had topics or points I wanted to make. Epiphanies.

So tonight the points is this...and it's not the "live every day like it was your last". No. Completely exhausting. And definitely way too expensive for me.

For this moment it is: Are you wasting your time doing what you are currently doing? Reading this blog is probably a waste of your time - it's a silly outlet for me though. Good way to get things out of my brain and relax a bit before having to toss and turn in bed.

Seriously though - why are you wasting your time? Are you watching the clock? The calendar? Are you waiting for someone or something?

Because it can be that quick. It can be a diagnosis and gone. It can be a few words and done. It can be a mid sized sedan running a red light and hurling towards a t-bone with a half ton truck. And yes - I witnessed all of these in the past 2 days so all the images are fresh.

And in those moments - the ones that don't come so quickly, you shouldn't have to to question yourself - Where did it all go? What happened to me?

Or even if you do, hopefully you have answers you are satisfied with.