I was actually going to write a really poignant and meaningful post, since I've got so much time to write, but actually I'd just really like to write what I really think instead of using some sort of crappy front to stand on my soapbox to tell everyone else how to live their lives. With that said, here we go:
We moved in to the new house. There are a few things wrong with it, but other than that, it's gorgeous. I am in love with it, and it definitely will be hard moving. Having a garage is the most insane thing ever, after parking my car outside for almost a year. Not having to scrape the ice off of the thing makes my life so much easier in the mornings.
The moon at 4 in the morning on a clear windy night in the middle of February makes me stand still and watch. I am afraid of people breaking into my new house so I walk around late at night with hammer in hand (best weapon available) and check every corner and closet. I haven't found anyone...yet.
Our power went out this morning. That sucked. Luckily the power kind of went out at work too so I wasn't "late". According to when the power came back on, I was "on time".
I hated myself last night, for always being that cynic. The guy that laughs at people that cry when they lose their dog. Cry when they stand in the backyard with their parents burying their pet's remains in a wood case. For the first time I experienced a pet I love pass. About 20% of my crying was me hating myself for thinking so lowly of people for being so crazy and weak about their pets. It is a part of the family. And just writing this right now makes me teary eyed. Watching Michelle last night was so heartbreaking for me. She's not a whole person right now and definitely this weekend will be so rough on her. This is why I have always loved dogs: Unconditional love. The good ones will love you no matter what. And they can always sense what you are feeling and know how to make you feel better. I think about the many days that Michelle was out shopping, or even working while I was going to school, so I dog sat Sammy, her black and tan Chihuahua while she was gone. Sure, she shit on the floor and pissed sometimes, and definitely I got angry with her, but I also remember the times where her and I would be watching "A Different World" midday and I would be petting her. Suddenly I'd stop and she'd lick my hand and come crawling in to my lap. I remember the mornings where she'd sleep with us, and of course every morning she'd climb my mountain of a comforter covered body and just stare at me until I woke up. The moment I said, "Sammy, do you need to go outside?" she was already raring to jump off the bed. I knew the dog for 2 and a half years. I probably only loved it for about 2 years. And much of that, she was in pain, her eyesight and hearing was going, along with her legs. But still, she knew when I was there, and I was always very calm and felt better when I was around her. We had to put her down last night. Her heart had enlarged and blood was getting in to her lungs. I cried for about half an hour. Michelle cried all night.
This morning she cried and broke my heart...because she said, "When no one else was there, Sammy always was". And that's what loving dogs is all about. Their schedule is always clear for us. All they know how to do love. And that's what so painful about knowing she's gone now. I can't do the same thing that Sammy does for Michelle. I will try my best, but I've got to work, and I've got a schedule too on top of work. I have to stop writing about this...
The power went out while I was showering this morning. That was interesting. Today I am working a 13 hour shift. And I've got 20 minutes left of it. I found that if I added 4 hours of OT per week (like I'm doing today) then I can bump my salary up to $43K (not including bonus). Is 4 hours per week worth that to me? I don't know.
My computer is also not working properly. I hate it. It's all my fault for not plugging it in while I was moving to make sure it was up and running. What a waste. If I have to dump this thing I'm going to be really angry.
Anyway, I'm going to finish here. My coworkers are starting to talk to me. You were very much loved Sammy, and everyone misses you.
No comments:
Post a Comment