It’s amazing I don’t have more nose bleeds.
Typically I can attribute a nose bleed to the dry climate. I usually get them in Vegas,
I’ve always just had this assumption that nose bleeds occurred from thinking too hard – or too much. Too much blood in that area of the body – it’s gotta get out somewhere. I’m sure that’s completely false, but whatever.
My commute is 10 minutes. 12 minutes on a bad day. For me to have such life altering self-analytical thoughts is just too much (maybe?).
Which got me thinking – I think I think – or over-think way more than I should. My mind is too active (definitely).
This post is supposed to be short because I started it later than I wanted to. And I wanted to get in at least 3 posts for November to try and keep up with getting close to that set goal I had for myself of blogging at least 4 times a month.
Anyway, as soon as I left work and got in my car here was my thought stream:
I was thinking about how people who have jobs have in some way sold their souls. They’ve put a price tag on the value of their time – and mainly their life and energy. How much are you worth on an hourly, monthly or yearly basis? Are you dead inside? Am I dead inside?
And how is that we all continue to lie to ourselves? The lie that more is always better? Or am I the only one that thinks this could possibly be a lie? Am I the only one that thinks of this kind of stuff while driving home on a Tuesday afternoon? Maybe I am thinking way too much.
But seriously though. What lies do we tell ourselves that help us make it through each day? Maybe it’s about your health, or your finances. Possibly your relationships with your friends and family or the satisfaction from your recent payment for your soul. Is it that things are better than you think they are? Or maybe worse than you perceive? That perception – it’s a tricky thing. Always brings me back to, “If you a tell a lie enough, it becomes truth/people begin to believe it”. Or however that saying goes. I can tell myself plenty of times that being in that cubicle for 8 hours a day is the best use of my time. A lot of the other people I know are doing it. But do I believe it’s the best thing I could be doing right now?
My coworker said something interesting yesterday. We were commiserating about how gloomy of a Monday it was, and how it all felt very isolated – just us and our monitors. And she said something interesting that has stuck with me, which I was also thinking about on the way home.
She said that she was “Wishing it was Wednesday already”. Well, maybe those weren’t her exact words. Maybe it was Thursday – or the weekend. But I like to think Wednesday, because it’s optimistic, but not too ahead of ourselves. But what I remember of our conversation is what caught me. While we sat there and continued to sell our souls – we were wishing time to move faster – forward – skip ahead - we were actually wishing our lives away. Shouldn’t we take Monday, or any day for what it is? Not try to discount it or look past it? Could it be possible that after so many wishing away of Mondays-Thursdays we could wish for them back in future? As a kid I wished I was a teenager. A teenager wishing to be an adult. Very soon that wishing is going to catch up with me I’m afraid.
And then I was home. And opening the garage. And parking the car.
Getting out of the car, closing the garage. Opening up the door to the house.
And thinking about how there probably aren’t very many people out there who question their state of mind – their thoughts on their own life as much as I do on their afternoon commute. I even had my radio on to hopefully drown out these “meaning of life” questions that tend to haunt me from time to time to no avail. I still have no answers for many of my questions. And I honestly feel that questioning myself like this can leave me in a bit of turmoil.
Thank God I get to write it all out to confirm my looney bin escapee status.
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