Just Like That...

It was over.

It was like one of those hate/love relationships. One where you would fight often, but keep coming back to it because it was the only thing available. Or so it seemed like. But all of a sudden over the past few months things had been getting worse and worse and you both knew things were coming to an end.

But as soon as it was said, "It's over. I'm sorry." It felt real this time. It felt like you were never going to see them again. And just in knowing that - that's when it hurt. In your stomach, in your heart - in your throat. You couldn't cry though because it had been coming for so long.

That's what it felt like yesterday when the movers came out to pick up everything. My monitor, my PC, my phone. It was so quick. Packed it all up in a box and shipped it back to the office. Thursday was my last day of work - of living the dream. Working from home, getting overpaid for something in the back of my head I knew couldn't last (but had hoped would).

I think one of the hardest parts about it is the pity party. Almost every person I've come in contact with that's known about my lay off has had an immediate, "I'm sorry" look on their face - if not also saying it and then wishing me, "The best of luck" followed up by something like, "You're young, I'm sure you'll find something." Just like the movers yesterday - telling me that I was lucky that I was still young enough to find something.

I just always think it's easy for them to say when here they are actually working still. Still pulling in a paycheck. Still, in some way, feeling useful.

Today, I went in and signed my severance papers. There is no better way for me to describe it other than, "Wham, bam, thank you ma'am". There was no ceremony, no fanfare. My exit interview and question period didn't even last longer than 5 minutes. Almost 4 and a half years and the best I got (other the severance) were a few firm handshakes and more "good lucks".

So, this is the start of unemployment. Luckily for the next few weeks I'll be busy getting some loose ends tied for the move to Charleston, and then getting settled. But after that, how I feel is anyone's guess.