What am I going to do now?

That was the question I had continued to struggle with.

And I started struggling with it back on April 17th, the day I learned I was losing what I thought was my "safe" job.

Luckily for me, I got a severance. But even during that time (still currently happening) I still had this nagging thought of "What am I going to do?"

What am I going to do with my life? What am I supposed to be? What am I going to do for work so I can afford my life?

Luckily through the power of networking the wife was able to get me a job where she works. It's more money than I've ever made before. So much that I figured it would take me at least another 5-7 years of working before I had his this point in salary. I guess all of us have to get lucky sometimes.

So today marks my 7th full day of working.

It's weird being back.

The dressing up in the morning. Packing of lunch. Waking up when it's dark out (and soon to be coming home when it's dark). Feeling like I just lost out on hours of time during the workday and trying to cram in silly things like going to the bank to deposit checks - even that is a struggle with figuring out how I can get there during business hours.

These are things I haven't struggled with for 2 years.

And to make things even more odd, most days I'll drive in to work with the wife since we work in the same building (and she's got air conditioning in her car and a better parking pass). I liked having our work lives and home lives separate. Or maybe it's just because I've never worked with her before. But so far, it's OK. It's not great, it's not terrible. I guess the only gripe I've had about it is instead of meeting people for the first time and letting them get their own impression of me I receive a lot of, "Oh, I've heard so much about you!" comments. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing - I don't know, reading this actually makes me feel ridiculous for nitpicking.

I suppose it will get better once I'm fully out on my own and doing my own thing for 8 hours a day or more. It doesn't help that we work within 30 yards of each other, or that we share similar job titles.

But now that I have this job there is something new I'm beginning to struggle with. It's the "Where do I go from here?".

I read through some of the leadership's documentation today (go sharepoint admin) about the need to fill for staffing. Under the "temporary gaps" section of this specific document they had my name listed.

I mean, I know, and the company knows, that we're supposed to be here for 6 months. Just like last year. Our current contract says we'll be out of here by next February. But, what if? What if I can't find a job as easily as I did down here? What if I can't transfer back up home? What then? Do we stay until I can relocate or someone is willing to hire me?

It just one of those moments where you know things will be changing in the future again for you - that what you've got right now isn't solid, and pretty soon you're going to have to come up with something else. The "What am I going to do now?" question is coming back once again - and next time I'm pretty sure it won't come with a severance package to give me time to answer it.