Incorrigible

Some people just don’t learn or want to learn. Some people lack passion in life. Some people don’t have things that they “love to do” or at the least hobbies or “past-times”. I wonder what these people do with themselves. They watch TV all night. Attaching themselves to some sort of “drama” unfolding. Something so fake and pre-made to some jello molding that everyone loves it. Everyone eats it. And the next day at work, everyone can’t stop talking about how much they loved the jello. In fact, they can’t wait until next week when maybe they’ll come out with another flavor of jello. Why? Because their lives have become so FREAKING boring that they’ve attached themselves to this jello. Made it their lives. “Oh really? You like lime? Nah, I prefer Orange myself”.

All this time. Wasted. Over stupid, inconsequential jello that they probably won’t even remember 3 years from now. What are you going to be like when you’re 60? Looking back over a life full of nothing? I pray my life doesn’t become this. Sometimes I don’t have the will to fight it. I fall in to the trap. I’m tired from work and the commute. All I want to do is turn off and be robotic. Watch as my life slowly passes before my eyes. Another commercial? Another breaking news story? Excellent. I would cut my freaking cable subscription if I didn’t love sports so much.

But of course the people that poke holes in what I’ve said say, “But wait…you said you watch TV for the sports?” Yes, I do. You know why? Because every sport I watch on TV, I’ve played, or I can play, or I am playing. I’ve boxed, thrown the football, hit the baseball, shot the basketball, chipped the golf ball…I know what it feels like to be every single one of these people. So I can relate to them. And since they are doing it at such a higher level than I am in every situation, it is a spectacle. You can even apply it to music. I love watching concerts on PBS. Maybe this is a sort of rant about the crap that is on TV compared to the stuff I LIKE. No one cares about Dr. 90210 and how X woman has been augmented and wasted all this money and will still feel ugly afterwards. Or, oh my gosh, Jessica Simpson did what? Really people. Does anyone even wonder why no one is talking about your life? Maybe it’s because you’re not doing ANYTHING with it?

Chill out man.

Ok, chilling.

I refuse to leave this life without creating good memories and having the ability to tell good stories. I refuse to revert back to some friends or family guy episode to make it seem like my life has joy. I refuse to let my 9-5 and this traffic crush my spirit. Because deep down, I’m still a happy kid that doesn’t want to kill anyone. I know it’s still in me. Sometimes I get scared because I feel like I’m on cruise control. And then there’s that point that jerks me out of that and reminds me that not everything in life is so smooth. I’ve been on cruise control for almost 2 years now. I am afraid the longer I wait the larger the destruction…almost like the big earthquake that will hit us soon. I call it regression to the mean. Others call it karma. You find that line you walk, everyday, and you are content with it. That you can call your mean. Everything in your life will be within a certain range. However, there will be those outliers. Those are the ones we should be thankful for. The ones that change our lives, that are so far gone from the mean that they change it, or in some bad instances are completely erased…now I’m babbling.

Seriously though. How do people survive this? I guess for everyone it is different. For me it is different from everyone else. I will try my best to realize how precious my life is. Because as far as I know, I’m not getting another chance at this…and it’s just a big sleep from here on out.

I’ll get off my soapbox again.

My head is itchy, I haven’t taken a shower for two days. I probably stink. On Wednesday I’m going in for more shots for my hair. I am praying my hair grows back before the wedding. I am praying it doesn’t get worse. I have seen pictures of people who have completely lost their hair. Are completely bald. I like my hair, even though I like it super short. I think I will cut it again tonight.
I loved our soccer game. We played very well. Almost everything is moved in to the new house. I am finally starting to settle as the smell of new paint dissipates. My flat tire removal isn’t going as well as previously planned. I have 41 days left.