The Angry Kid

I’m going to go take a shower to clear my head. BRB.

Ok. I’m back. Short and simple for tonight because it’s late.

I am an angry kid. I have always been an angry kid. Growing up my parents always asked me what I was so mad about. I never really could place it. It just was the way I was. Every now and then it would rear it’s ugly head and I might get close to getting in trouble.

Or I’d just stew about it for hours, days, let it burn inside.

And honestly, I realized tonight that I lost it a bit. That burn inside of me. I got the wife, the dog, the house, the job. The stability. And all of that calmed me. A lot. Because I knew what to expect day in and day out. Nothing threw me off guard and I’ve been fortunate in the stable life so far.

My right eye has been twitching since I got home from NYC. Michelle said it’s because of the stress. I believe it. I’ve just had too many things on my plate, once again, and the supposed “fun” things are not helping me relax at all like they usually do.

Tonight during my basketball game, there was a punk ass wannabe Iverson kid who was flailing his arms around. My teammates took it. Like they should. Like I should have. But I said something to him. I wasn’t going to take the cheap holding and the show boating of this kid who was probably 5 years younger than me lightly. Finally with 30 seconds left in the game with one foul to give, I went up for a lay in and he held me down. On the way down, I pushed him with both hands. Just hard enough to let him know I wasn’t fucking around.

And of course I was out of the game. He was half my size and was just dicking with me. That was part of his game. He finds the one guy to get technicals on and rides him. Unfortunately that ass tonight was me.

But on the way home, wanting to punch my steering wheel, wanting to punch SOMETHING, I realized that there isn’t a viable outlet for kids like me. Sure, I can bitch on this blog here, but writing this out isn’t really helping, other than making me tired.

I guess that was supposed to be something I learned as I grew in to an adult? How to handle my anger in healthy ways? Everything I read about the topic is complete bullshit to me. I would honestly like to beat the shit out of any one that pisses me off. But because I can’t, I beat the shit out of punching bags.

But what happens when I don’t have a punching bag? What happens when all of those kids out there like me don’t have their outlet? I don’t even know how to answer this.