What it Means to be a Man

Now that I’m 25, I’m starting to realize that my thought process on things isn’t changing much anymore. When I was younger (12-18) I let every little opinion or article or book I read affect my mood or thoughts on things.

Since about 16, I’ve slowly built my foundation with things I’ve felt were important. Things that would have other people be proud of the person – man I am – or have become.

I’m not saying it’s stopping here. I’m just saying that at this point I’ve got a list of things that I think every man should strive for. Some of them are silly and really just showcase manhood to other men, and some of them are more serious. I understand this is almost a preaching post – but don’t let it be. These are things that I think about or do in my everyday life to adhere to my own standards. I received one of the best complements the other night from my wife and it was simple: “You are a good man.”

I shoot for nothing less.

In no particular order – what it means to be a Man by me:

-For the rest of my life I plan on driving a manual. A stick shift. I don’t care if US automakers have cut production of manual cars down to 10% and shrinking. Every car I own will be a manual. And if not manual then I’ll at least have some form of electronic shifting. Driving a stick is about a few things: Control of your vehicle. Don’t let a computer do the work for you. Do the work yourself. This is about putting forth effort when it’s not really needed but it’s about respect. (More on effort and respect later).

Knowing how to drive a stick can save lives. My parents were the first to push me to drive a stick after I informed them of my desire to own one. My mom always said that in case of emergency it’s always best to know how to drive every type of car. Believe it or not, I’ve already been in a handful of situations where a friend was not able to drive (hurt leg, too drunk, too sleepy) and they drove a stick. If it wasn’t for me knowing how to drive a stick, we’d just be stuck there. Waiting for the ambulance to come. Waiting for them to sober up so they could drive. Waiting as they napped. I could go on, but I believe I already made an entire post as to why I believe automatics are for “disabled drivers”.

-Length of grass, hair, name (among other things). These three things are a direct extension of you (shutup, this is my blog). For those that own property: Take pride in your castle. The grass shows how much you care about the appearance of your home. The appearance of your life basically. The greener, the fuller, the better. Everyone knows this. Homes that have grass that has grown to become a jungle – or those that have grass with giant gaping holes in it – or have been completely browned out are just too lazy. They don’t have the time, the energy, or even possibly the know how. Lawn care is a science, and one that I will admit to not having mastered yet. Still, my lawn is above average in comparison to my neighbors. And for now, that’s good enough.

Your hair. Thanks a lot Adam Morrison/Michael Bolton/Fabio/skater guys/rocker dudes. You have all inspired some of us to grow our hair past out ears. Mullet? Cool, that’s your thing. But just mop top? No. Shave your head. What does it meant to me when I see a guy or a kid with long hair? A few things: They are lazy. They obviously don’t sweat because their hair would annoy them so much they’d just cut if off. If they do sweat all that sweat STAYS in their hair and they stink like a laundry hamper full of my socks. They’re trying to make a statement. Please – seriously the anti-establishment anarchy shit was so past decades. Find something new to bitch about – and before you do, cut your hair. They’re trying to hide something. Yes! Probably all the acne from all of your greasy hair! Maybe your giant forehead or dumbo ears? (Ok – I have these – but even still don’t have long hair). Just once in your life – buzz it all off. The freedom you feel, especially on those hot summer days I’m sure you’ll be amazed by. (Please don’t take this advice if you burn easily). Let the women have the long hair. You don’t want other men to be attracted to you…or maybe you do?

Names. I don’t care what your name is. Find some way to make it one syllable. Nobody should have to waste any more breath in getting your attention. If you require more than one syllable at the most just make it initials. There’s just something that makes me cringe when I hear names like “Bartholomew” or even “Christopher”. I know – those can both be shortened. So allow them to be. Don’t force people to call you something they don’t want to. For efficiencies sake.

-Earn enough money to pay for your life. This is self-explanatory. Nut up and get a job. I don’t care what people do as long as they make enough money to not have to mooch off friends, family or the government. See a recurring theme yet? Real men are not lazy (for very long periods of time). Therefore real men are not broke. Making more than you need? Be generous. Give back to those that gave to you. Donate money. Pay for food and drinks. Accept only thanks in return.

-Like sports. Or a sport. Real men can play at least one sport. And if you can’t play, at least try. And if you don’t want to try at least have the ability to talk about one sport. In my opinion, sports are the 2nd “go-to” conversation after the weather when dealing with another man you’ve never met before. Sometimes maybe even the first? Be prepared. Seriously it only takes an hour a week to keep up on one team. Read the local newspaper sports section. Watch an hour of ESPN. And for your health – both physical and mental – get out and play. Anything. I don’t even care if it’s badminton (which I’ve been craving to play recently). As long as you are moving, your heart rate is up, and you’re having fun – that’s what counts. So hopefully when a man you’ve never met before shakes your hand, introduces himself and you complain about the shitty weather – when he fires back with the question of, “Whoo! Did you see Lebron last night? Amazing!” You can at least reply with, “Oh yeah! Wow. I had a game like that last weekend in badminton – completely on fire, nothing could get past me”. See? Even if shuttlecock guy had no idea about Lebron or what this Lebron character did (scoring 29 of the last 30 points in a double OT superhuman finish which escalated the cavs to the NBA finals 2007) he could at least switch the topic to something sports related (important) and continue the conversation on a topic he was educated on (also very important). As a man, sports are much more important to me than I sometimes realize. And I could go of about tradition, father – son bonding, etc. But that’s all emo shit and meant for another post.

-Like beer. This just goes with sports. You can’t do shots all the time. You’ll look like the idiot at the house party of your friends when you decline the only type of drink they have at their house – instead bringing your fifth of Limon for you to shoot by yourself. Shots are meant for the club. The bar. Whisky? Ok – maybe if you’re twice my age. But I’m not. Don’t be the odd man out when everyone orders a draft and you get a vodka tonic. Toasting with other guys that are drinking beers only to sip from your straw just looks idiotic. Man up. People that say beer tastes like piss have either had a terrible prank pulled on them or have only had a minimal amount of experience with beer. Through my first month with beer I hated it. Every sip I took was bitter and I almost had to force it down. I can’t believe I was such a wimp at 18 when I had my first cup from a keg – Mac and Jacks. And now that I look back at that night – I can’t believe myself. Mac and Jacks is now one of my favorite beers (and I’m hungry right now so I actually wouldn’t mind one).

-Quit watching your weight. This has to go along with beer. A beer, or 10 beers every now and then is not that bad. Eating beef is not that bad. Men do not get fat. Except for those really obese guys. Men go from being “big” to being “obese”. There is no in between. Remember, you are a man. For you, it is ok to be overweight. Have a belly. Sure as a woman you’d be frowned upon and be a total mess anytime you went to the mall shopping for clothes – but as a man we’ve got sizes to fit you. XXL. And all that loose clothing hides any rolls you might have too. So be a man – don’t be ashamed that you’re 40 pounds overweight. Opt for the prime rib instead of the salad. Have a beer or two to wash it down. And then go play your sport of choice (curling for my Canadian pals) to burn it all off.

-Be strong. Physically and mentally. For those that are close to you – be their rock. Be their foundation. If there is one defining feature about real men that I’ve seen it’s that they are so strong in these aspects. As far as the physical side is concerned – men should be able to lift someone three-quarters their own weight (assuming lifting a significant other) a minimum of 30 yards, or be able to hold them while treading water (all for safety purposes). The mental strength is obviously more important then. When instability surrounds mentally strong men they raise their heads and accept the challenges that life presents them. People look to them for strength in their times of need. And even though it may be hard to present that side at the toughest times in life – this is when it is needed most. As I mentioned previously – be the rock that everyone can rely upon. Be the light that leads everyone through that dark tunnel and when you get through to the other side you’ll have everyone’s love, respect and admiration.

-Some forms of chivalry are not dead. I agree that in modern relationships, there has to be some sort of compromise. Dinner, movie, and drinks are just too expensive for a man to be constantly paying for – especially if the couple has been together for a longer period of time. One of chivalry’s definitions is, “Courtesy towards women”. People only say that it has died because men no longer adhere to such strict standards as they had even 5 decades ago. Figure out how you think a woman should be treated and set yourself at a step above that. Seriously though? I only open doors for all women, and try my best not to be gross when I’m around them.

-Do not ever hit a woman – unless given the proper circumstances. And by proper circumstances I will allow these few exceptions: Love taps. Random “slug bug” games (what happened to these? And corners? These have to make comebacks). A boxing match for entertainment. Your life is being threatened by a weapon. Or possibly limbs or other extremities? The woman you are hitting is your sister. Please provide your own examples of hilarity here as the rule does not apply universally (obv).

On a more serious note - if any of you ever catch another man truly hitting a woman - this man needs a proper beat down. Apply it thoroughly and make sure he remembers what it feels like to really get hit.

I have more definitions of what is required of men – however this post is getting a bit long winded and its late now. Remember this list is always evolving, and hopefully in 5 years I’ll be able to tell you what it means to be a man at 30. So I’ll finish what I consider an unfinished list with this final standard:

-Love and respect your family and friends. They did more to shape who you are as a man than you may not ever realize. And for that you owe them more than just love and respect. You owe them everything.