The Losing Streak

Being the competitive person I am; I cannot win at all things, all the time. It wouldn’t be a competition if I didn’t lose some of the time. In fact, I consider myself a winner even though I’ve probably only won 60% of the things I normally compete in.

However, sometimes it gets out of hand.

Usually, it isn’t that bad. Maybe a week or two, and I’ve even experienced a little bit longer than a month long losing streak, but this one has become unbearable.

As of today, July 2^nd, 2007, I am currently looking at a losing streak of 2 months. Since the beginning of May I have lost everything I have played. I can’t win. I can’t piece it together. This is the worst losing streak I have ever experienced I believe in my entire life. I mean, sure I’ve been part of teams that have been defeated – as in didn’t win one game. But that was just one team. In other aspects of my life I was winning. But not in this streak. This streak is attacking everything that is me.

And before I go in to detail on each portion of how I am losing, I’d just like to talk about everything that goes with losing. Especially mentally and physically. Because I know these things about myself – but in order to change then – I’m not sure how to do so at this point.

And the reason I’m writing this? Is because until next Monday (unless something competitive arises before then – which I’m sure it will) I am on break from my current “major” sports right now: Softball and Basketball. The other reason was that I was part of a weekend – yesterday and the day before it – that basically solidified it’s standing of the worst losing streak I have ever experienced. Thank goodness for the holiday week and everyone wanting to take this week off. I’m not sure if I could take the beating any longer.

For those of you who have never experienced a losing streak – lucky for you. But for those of you who have, let me share part of what my experience is like. My whole mentality changes when I realize I’m in the midst of a streak. The realization starts about 3-4 days in after the initial loss.

Typically the first loss is the hardest one. Either an embarrassing blow out or a heart breaking buzzer beater defeat with the whole team riding on your shoulders to make that shot. It sticks with you. It keeps you up at night. If I had caught that ball we would’ve been going to the championship game. It angers you the next day at work. People on the team are nice to you, and nice to each other, but everyone knows who screwed up. And even then, it might not even be me. (I will admit to it being my fault that I let my entire team down in certain games – they still haunt me to this day).

But that mentality starts to drag on you. The next game you play you try extra hard not to screw up, but instead you just screw up worse. Things that came natural when you were not in your losing streak you are now fumbling with. Adjusting mechanics. Over thinking everything. Not being calm enough to wait back on that pitch…suddenly the basketball court is a foreign place to you and you feel completely lost.

You start every game expecting to lose. You know the refs and umps and everyone else and their mom is against you winning this game. You start to ask yourself what’s the point of even trying anymore – then it happens. The shoulders start to slump. The eyes glaze over. That competitive, passionate fire? Gone. And other players like yourself who can see this eat it up. They notice your body language and they start to dominate.

For me, it’s been one long swing of momentum all the way down to the sewer.

And the worst part of it is? The impending doom. You might be winning by a ridiculous amount. 12 points with 3 minutes to go in the game in basketball. 4 run lead at the bottom of the 7^th with no men on. 2^nd place in chip count with 7 people left before you’re in the money. A two touchdown lead with 7 minutes to play.

And then you start to feel it. The other team starts to surge. Suddenly shots that weren’t going in all game are now swishing from NBA range. You’ve got bases loaded from a single followed up by 2 back to back walks and now their two power hitters are up. You go card dead or start to play reckless. That long hailmary pass freakishly tips off of your fingers and in to your opponents for the touchdown. You let off the gas because you figure you’ve got the game in the bag.

It becomes a blur. The moment at which you can stick the dagger in to finish off your opponents is there for your taking but the killer instinct just isn’t kicking in. You frantically search for it and by the time you find it you’re looking up and the clock is reading 0:00. The ump is calling “Game”. People on the other team are high-fiving and not believing that they pulled off the comeback. And you’re shaking your head and wondering what just happened. What went wrong? And on your way home in your car you question everything. You try to find where you could’ve done better. And you promise yourself for next week you’ll do better.

And usually, you do. You do fine.

But not now. Not these past 2 months for me.

After starting the season with 4 straight wins, my basketball team has dropped 6 in a row. We have not changed the roster, I have not seen us play any more or any less talented teams. And yet, we just couldn’t put a win together. A majority of games we were close, and then we just let it slip out of our hands. And we got embarrassed in some of the games.

Before the losing streak, my softball team was 5-2. We ended the season with 6 straight losses to end the season at 5-8 including losing the “play-in” game to the team we were tied with for 4^th place. The team we had to beat to get in to the playoffs. And we couldn’t do it. Two of the must win games in order for us to avoid this “play-in” game we lost in the bottom of the 7^th inning. In those two weeks I experienced back to back walk-offs by the other team. As a competitor it is one of the hardest things to watch another team celebrate at home plate while you wait for them to shake hands and inform them that they played a “good game”.

Because really they didn’t. They didn’t play a good game. We just let them back in when we should’ve slammed the door shut.

And I think one thing people might not realize is that there is only 1 game per week for each of these sports. So if and when I lose, I have to wait a whole week to get back out there and hopefully “redeem” myself – but for those 7 long days I basically get to stew about how poorly I played.

I’ve tried poker unsuccessfully three times during this losing streak. Out of the three times I’ve played – they’ve all been tournaments and I’ve been close in 2 of them. 7 people out of 200 close. All I had to do was sit back and wait in order to make some nice amount of cash. But instead I wanted to take everyone out. And I got greedy. This was one of those times where I had the dagger in hand and I was just trying to end it for everyone in sight. In order to shut the door multiple times you have to open it back up too. And sure enough, I was gone in 17^th place.

And what solidified the losing streak? Flag football this weekend. The guys I’ve been playing with recently are a great group. Sadly enough, I’m one of the fastest out of the group, which should give me a nice advantage in the sport and should produce wins correct? Wrong. In the two games we played on Sunday the team I was on was ahead near the end of the game. And of course in both games the other team came back and won the game. And the kicker? I even switched teams (supposedly to the other team that beat me the first game) and we still lost. Stuff like this really wears on me because I can only point to myself and say, “I must be the reason that we lost”.

The sad thing is, I don’t feel I’ve hit rock bottom yet. Because as soon as I do – there is only one place to go from there. And although some of you who may be reading this might think this post is kind of ridiculous – I think it’s ridiculous to lose at so many different things for such a long period of time. Given the law of averages you have to win at least a PERCENTAGE of the time. But over the past two months? My win percentage has been a giant goose egg.

I’m really hoping that writing it out might fix things. But I’m sure it won’t. (See? Loser’s attitude). Even if I could just win at something I put at least 80% of my effort in to I’d feel so much better. For now though, I get to rest and wait until next Monday. God, Buddha, luck…something, anything help me out here please…this might ruin my “winning” life if it continues.