The Moosey Star

Thump Thump Thump Thump Thump Thump

BOOM

Thump Thump Thump Thump Thump Thump

BOOM CRASH

This is the sound that I hear throughout the day. Sometimes well in to the early morning.

This is the sound of the Moosey Star.

Moosey Star: Noun. A tall woman with big bones, typically overweight. See Belgian Womens Volleyball Player.

The Moosey Star is amazing. I am not sure if she works at all. I am sure that she is insane. I forgot what it was like to live in a multiple unit building. It sucks. She lives right above my office our bedroom and our main bathroom.

The Moosey Star likes to pace around her house. I think she has wood floors and wears steel heeled boots. Yes. On the heel. To ruin her wood floors.

She likes to "pace" back and forth. And by "pace" I actually mean march around her house, waking me up at 2 in the morning and annoying me throughout my work day.

If there is ONE thing that I hate about living out here, it is her.

I have a few theories about what she is doing though.

-She has a very strict work out/cardio regimen which requires her to work out every 4 hours, even if that means waking up at 2 in the morning and bouncing around.

-She has a lot of cockroaches in her house that she enjoys stomping on.

-She is like Adam Sandler in the movie "Reign Over Me" constantly redoing one of the rooms in her house. Because there are times where I hear her thumps followed by a large CRASH almost as if she had dropped a large table.

-She has OCD and cannot do anything properly without taking the same steps throughout her house over and over.

-She is terrible at jump roping and is not getting better. She falls every time after 5 or 6 jumps. But one day she'll make it to 10 in a row. She'll show all those kids in school that made fun of her.

-She has a mild form of dementia where she is always looking for something and thinking she left it in the other room. Only to turn back around to think she left it in the room she just left. Frustrated, she bangs her feet in to the ground each step she takes.

-She had her feet cut off in a freak roller coaster accident (or maybe while she was a prisoner of war?) and has to move around on stumps. The sheer weight of her 250 pound body pressing down on such a small surface area creates the BOOM noise every time she steps.

-She is trying to memorize all the steps from "Stomp the Yard". Her favorite movie of all time.

-She is part of a Native American tribe and is constantly practicing. But that I have actually heard before (amazingly on a floor above me) and it sounds nothing like this.

-She likes to annoy us.

So on nights like tonight where she has been stomping around for the past 2 hours (and I'm sure will be going on well in to the night) I've decided to take it upon myself to give her a little wake up call from below the next morning.

It gives me a little satisfaction. In my passive aggressive ways...

When I hear that she is up at 2 and 3 in the morning, I make sure to wake up with the Wife at 6 AM and blast the TV. And when the TV is too loud for me I turn on the music. And I let it run for a few hours. I take the dog for a walk for about half the time the music is blaring and the rest of the time I'm downstairs (and like MY MUSIC LOUD) so I don't mind it so much. Sometimes I let my phone alarm just ring...and ring...and ring...because it is the loudest and most annoying sound on my phone, and doesn't stop until I turn it off.

I've heard her stomping around...more forcefully than usual when I've got my volume up. And in my own little twisted way, it gives me satisfaction. I hear her sometimes during the day, sometimes in the middle of the night. I've begun to think that she doesn't work...nor does she ever leave the house. A normal person does not move around their house that much. I would say in a 30 minute period she will move back and forth across her house about 50 times. Yes. It is that bad. What person does that? Who doesn't sit down and take a load off? You're supposed to relax when you're at home...Or at least that's what I do...

This Moosey Star is definitely a head case. Some days and nights are worse than others (isn't that what they say about people with mental illness?). If she was at her worst every day? I'd probably be up there banging around with her and lose my mind as well.

Love thy neighbors? How about making each of us as miserable as possible?

Tomorrow is going to be another Rage Against the Machine morning for me it sounds like...I wonder if she likes it? I shudder at the thought...