Robot Routines

Monday through Friday I have decided I am a robot.

I am a robot with a routine. Most robots are built to have routines right? I want that one that just vacuums your house all day. I think the dog would love playing with it. And as long as I don’t get too bored with my robot routine, then I am content with my life. Ever since mid-September since they moved me from the Redmond campus and sold it to MSFT, I’ve created a routine for myself that does a few things for me: 1) It helps me keep track of time. 2) It allows me to easily continue on through each day and not struggle with the fact that it’s only Tuesday and not Friday night. 3) I can list many more things here but seem insignificant in comparison to 1) and 2) so I’ll stop.

This may seem kind of sick to those out there who believe they are truly “spontaneous”. But I don’t care. If you’ve got a job you’ve more than likely got your own little routines. Even constant spontaneity is a routine in itself…not that I think that anyone could really accomplish that. I guess the sad thing is - is that I’ve taken time to sit here and type out things I’ve noticed that I do, every day, Monday through Friday. I don’t know if I’ve analyzed them per say, but I suppose it started to happen the moment I started working at 15 years old.

It started innocently, with the chimichanga and the Capri sun. Every day I worked I brought 500 calories of frozen Costco goodness, the chicken and cheese chimichanga. So every day during that 15 minute break (I only got 1 15 minute break because I only worked part time in 5 hours shifts) I would go down stairs to the kitchen, grab my chimichanga (that’s what she said) from out of the back of the fridge (people would steal it if I kept it near the front) unwrap it, throw it on a paper plate and heat for 1 minute and 30 seconds. I’d sit at a table near the walls of the cafeteria and grab a newspaper to avoid people talking to me while I eat. (I have this thing with people watching me eat. It’s ok if you’re eating too. But if you’re just talking to me and watching me eat and not eating yourself…well eating food, not yourself that is, then I feel awkward…mainly because I chew with my mouth open and like to talk with food in my mouth).

That was how I enjoyed every 15 minute break I had. So I guess, since then, I’ve related “routine” to “enjoyment” and haven’t looked back since. And the only reason I’m making this blog post? Is because those routines have blossomed (for lack of a better word) in to many more routines…maybe it’s OCD? Possibly – probably. At least I can look at myself and realize it. And at least I don’t throw fits when the routine is thrown off.

Every morning, Monday through Friday, I wake up at 5:40 am. On my old phone, I used to be able to switch the time at which I would wake up. So as a gift to myself for making it through another day of the week, I’d change my alarm to progressively later until I got to about 5:52 am. Unfortunately, my new phone does not allow that easy of a change (there are a lot of things about my phone that aren’t as easy as my old phone, but it’s got a camera – that I never use) to the alarm, so I now stick to 5:40 am every morning.

When my alarm goes off, I reach for it and turn off the alarm. I usually get to it by it’s 3rd “beep/vibrate”. I grab it and hold it close to my skin. The cold of the phone is usually enough to wake me up. If not, I hold it in my right hand and dangle the phone over the side of the bed. Typically if I start to fall asleep again my hand goes limp and I drop the phone, thus causing a surprise sensation to my body (another failsafe to wake me up). When I do finally decide to get up, I flex my legs and stretch my arms over my head and head towards the bathroom to create urine. Typically I fart – the most satisfying fart of the day – sad that it’s done that quickly.

I head towards my office, which is where my clothes are (the master closet is taken by Michelle along with the other two bedroom’s closets) with my right eye shut. Sometimes it’s easier to be “half asleep” and only allow light in to one eye. It eases my way in to the day. With eyes half shut, I glance at an unspectacular array of business casual, basketball shorts, sweat pants and jeans. Knowing my routine people would think that I was anal about what I wore each day. Not true. I only have two real “habits” of what I wear. And those include: Wearing something green on Tuesday. I don’t know what it is about Tuesday. Again, I haven’t analyzed this…yet. But I hate Tuesdays. In my opinion, Tuesdays are the worst day of the work week. Many people would say Monday, but on Mondays I usually feel a lot more refreshed from what’s hopefully a long, relaxing weekend. Tuesdays are not even Wednesday which is the middle of the week. There’s not even any solace in thinking it is the middle of the middle of the week. Tuesday is just the day I love to hate. And this is why I am typing this out today. To take my mind off of how much of a “struggle” getting through today will be. (And trying to force ourselves through a day should be meant for another post).

But I wear something green, usually a green shirt (what someone, or me would first look at when looking at my clothing) either a green button up or a green polo. And I think I wear green because it’s hard to have a bad attitude about green. There’s just nothing you can really dislike about a normal green. Thinking back, I have actually never heard anyone saying that they “hated the color green”. There are just too many good things about the color green to dislike it. Even in the most desolate of places, the green grass grows – and covers more than 1/4th of the land. (Thank you “Planet Earth” series) And for that reason, I feel that wearing a green shirt makes everything “right” in my world thus balancing my hatred of the day Tuesday.

The only other time I make a conscientious decision to change my attire for work is on Thursdays. Thursdays are the exact opposite of Tuesdays. Thursdays are one of my favorite days of the week. Thursdays are not a struggle. I look forward to Thursdays. Growing up, I always enjoyed Thursdays. The feeling of anticipation. The “it’s almost Friday” feeling. And the feeling of accomplishment once you got done with Thursday is unparalleled with any other day. “Only one more day to go” I would say to myself while falling asleep on Thursday nights. And there was a reason growing up that I knew that Thursdays were awesome. It was knowing that in the future I’d be part of the UW business school (really I didn’t know this, I’m being sarcastic), an outstanding place…a glorious institution that understood the value of the “work-life balance” (something that many employers should start taking in to more account…*cough*) by giving everyone included in the business school each Friday of each week off. Imagine my shock and surprise when I realized that 3 day weekends due to federal holidays would now become 4 day weekends. Never before in my life (other than summers as a child – but those don’t count) was I just given a day off for nothing.

Thus began the “dress for celebration/success” Thursday. Every Thursday in business school I’d make sure I was at least wearing something that could “button up” (instead of my normal wear of sweats/flip flops). Heck, I’d even be on the verge of business casual. Sometimes for presentations (because those were given usually on the last day of the week), I’d don a tie and wouldn’t be one bit embarrassed walking through those halls. (Sometimes I feel out of place wearing a tie in places like the grocery store). Thursdays I usually bust out the black slacks (I find them “dressier” than my khakis/chinos) with shiny black belt, black leather shoes (I usually wear the brown ones with my khakis) and freshly ironed button up shirt. Dressing up makes me feel like work actually means more (than it usually does to me) and for that reason I put my full energy in to making Thursdays a very good work day for myself.

Once I’m done with the clothes I head downstairs for the food. Ugh, what a bore this is becoming, I’m only at breakfast. Every morning, I start out by washing my hands (who knows where those hands have been while I’m sleeping!), and after washing my hands I cut open a bagel. Back in college it used to be 1 pop tart, but I’ve moved away from that towards bagels. And lately, it’s been Thomas Multi Grain bagels. The stuff gets stuck in your teeth and it’s kind of fun to play with (your tongue trying to get that shit out of your teeth, kind of like popcorn). Also, I believe the multi grain bagel, even with light cream cheese is still healthier for me than a pop tart.

While the bagel is toasting (all of 2 minutes) I prepare my lunch. Everyday at work (unless we’re out) I eat 1 banana in the morning and 1 apple with lunch. Since those are the staples of my day, I get them ready along with my “juice box” (minute maid sugar water) and throw them together in a pile. I wash the apple in steaming hot water (hoping to burn off any wax that may be on it) and wrap it in a paper towel. I use two paper towels every day. 1 for the apple, and 1 to wrap the bagel. Usually at 5:55 in the morning, I’m not too hungry, so I take 3-4 bites of my bagel which usually ends up being about 35-40% of it and then I wrap it and save the rest of it for work. The reason I bring my lunch to work every day is because I am not a baller and cannot go to the metropolitan grill for lunch every day. I wash the bagel down with roughly 8 ounces of Tropicana Orange Juice, or some sort of carrot juice from Trader Joe’s. Sometimes I’ll pop a Zyrtec too to help fight my allergies if I know it’s going to be a “high pollen count” day out there. There’s something satisfying about knowing that in that small amount of liquid I’ve already consumed my daily requirement for Vitamin C, but at the same time tasting better than some multivitamin would.

I head upstairs to clean my teeth – use the rubber pick to get out all of the bagel that’s now stuck in the cracks and crevices of my teeth and then brush my teeth until the blue toothpaste becomes baby blue – because that means I’ve been brushing for long enough and hopefully the toothpaste has done it’s job. After that, I might wet my bed-head down (since I take showers at night and if I lay for long enough on my side I get lines in my head), I could shave – which I do probably once every 4 days (one day I hope to hit puberty), maybe blow my nose one last time and then put my deodorant on and head out of the bathroom. One “Good morning” and “Have a good day – Love you darling” a kiss, and a good morning head scratch for the dog and I’m flying down the stairs.

Pack up my lunch, bagel and bottled water. Typically it’s 6:04-6:12 at this point depending on how slow I’ve been moving. Grab the clothes and shoes if I’m going to be working out after work, and then make my shoe decision. Typically the shoe decision is pretty easy. Khaki, or brown pants – brown leather shoes. Black pants, black shoes. Crazy enough, I think one of the biggest fashion mistakes that guys make is to wear white socks with black shoes. I hope that no one does that. If you do this, please stop as soon as possible. Unless you are too poor to buy black socks. But that doesn’t make any sense since you could afford white ones. I make it a point to wear black socks if I’m going to be wearing my black shoes. The shoe decision gets a little bit harder if it’s a “jeans” day. Ok, is it crappy outside? Maybe I’ll go with the Timbos. Am I wearing too much blue this morning? Maybe go for the black, orange and white Nikes. Do I not have any blue or very little blue on this morning? Or maybe I’m wearing my Adidas socks? Probably go for the brooks. I honestly believe there are certain “types” of people that can pull off the monochrome look. Not me, I like to have at least 3-4 different colors on.

Out to the garage, and in to the car as I watch the grass line carefully in my right mirror to make sure I’m backing down our driveway properly. If only I took this time to actually back in to my garage when I parked every afternoon/night, I wouldn’t have to back out in the mornings. It’s a real pain in the ass when it’s so dark out you can’t see the outline of the grass on each side of the driveway. I’ve driven in to the grass at least 3 times over the past year. The worst part is, I feel like such an idiot when I do that – driving is something I pride myself on. I might be a little bit too aggressive, but I only know of one male my age who isn’t.

I love people that drive in the mornings before 6:30 am. For some reason, I just feel like people who get up earlier are smarter about their driving. When I used to start at 9:30 am, I used to see people take their SWEET time getting to work. Is it because they were taking their sweet time to wake up? A coworker that starts at 9:30 am says that he gets up at “around 8”, makes himself an espresso, sits down to watch the news and check his email, then slowly hops in to the shower, eats a full breakfast and then moseys on in to work. On the opposite end of that, I roll out of bed and head to work basically. You can probably see how these two mentalities affect driving habits too. Anyway, it’s an excellent change of pace in comparison to what I used to go through, and it would be hard for me to ever give up this shift, or the location I’m in.

When I get to work, I try to park in the same spot every morning. Being one of the earliest morning shift – in fact THE earliest morning shift because if I worked any earlier they’d have to pay be a 10% differential (god forbid!) I get the closest spot to the front door minus all of the disabled and reserved carpool spots. It’s weird to me actually when I have to park in the spot next to “my spot”, or possibly even 2 spots down from there. When this happens, I know I was a bit later that usual. This morning, due to construction on my “usual” route to work, I decided to go down Maltby and then take the Bothell-Everett highway in. To my surprise it was just as fast as my back roads drive is, however not as fun (not as many curves). This dropped me off on the other side of the parking lot, so I decided to park in the first spot closest to the door on that side.

I guess sometimes a nice change of pace and scenery can keep things fresh. It’s terrible that these little “tweaks” I can make every day to my routine can decidedly keep me “fresh”, but I’ve got to have something that I can hold on to when I know I’ll be facing it roughly 48 weeks out of the year, 5 days a week, 8 hours a day. What I’ve just described is the beginning of my day. Imagine what the next 16 hours looks like…don’t worry for my sake at the least; I won’t include that here…yet. (Look! I used a semicolon! That’s different…)

Real Quick

Rarely do I do short posts anymore. But I just wanted to tell a story – somewhat fiction, because I like to write short stories – or at least I used to. I just hope it ends up being as short as I want it to be.

It was the first round of the playoffs. Shorthanded “Shawn Kemp’s Illegitemate Children” – yes, that was their team name – were in high spirits. First place, undefeated, and ready to roll over a team they had almost shut out during the season. A shut out! Can you believe that? In basketball? Unheard of. The one seed versus the nine seed. A total snoozer.

The game was scrappy. Pushing and shoving was going on down in the trenches. Elbows and shoulders getting thrown, someone busted in the groin had to sit out. It seemed that many of the players were going to foul out even before they had reached halftime. The refs were of no help either. Instead of letting the guys play and decide the game for themselves, they further angered everyone calling fouls when there were none, and not calling fouls when there were plenty.

He could tell the tensions were rising when he saw one of the guys put on the turbo boosters on the way down the court. This was for his pride. This was in front of his family and friends. He didn’t want to look like a fool, and there was no way the lanky kid was getting another dunk on him. Not another wide open one.

So I stood and watched. Almost in horror, almost in shock, but more of that adrenaline pumping goodness that is conflict. As I turned my back to the ball, I noticed number 61 come flying off the 3 point line to intercept a lob pass that had been thrown from half court. A couple dribbles and 2 guys chasing him – dunk it man. Throw it down. Fuck these guys, they’re a bunch of jokers.

But I knew it was coming. I knew that we were show boating a bit. Pressing with the lead of 20. Trying extra hard to crush the other team’s spirit on defense, when there was no way they could ever mount a comeback. I’d been there before. And, I’ve also had my emotions get the best of me at that point too.

Ever hear of the term pyrrhic victory? 61 was about to pay. 10 was motoring down the court, and I could already see the forearms cocked and ready. Suddenly time slowed. Or maybe it moved way too fast. 61 leaped in to the air to throw it down once more, and as he made his motion towards the heavens the two hands of number 10 pushed a little bit too hard into his lower back and 61 came crashing to the hardwood.

He let the emotion get the best of him. Good luck spitting on the face of a man with too much pride. 30 feet away, the group was running towards the commotion. Inaudible words were shot out of faces of rage. Close enough to throw punches. The thoughts raced. Keep calm. Being an adult – over 18 – assault charges – they’ve got us outnumbered 9 guys to 6. We’d never survive in a brawl. Let me get just one sucker punch in. I’d pick the skinny kid – 1 and done. Could I take 10? He’s got pretty big arms – but I’ve got the reach on him – don’t punch the skull. Peace makers arrived. I could still feel my jaw and right arm clenched.

A flagrant foul was called and 2 free throws were shot. 10 was still furious. He burned more of his energy gunning for 61. 61 sat down to avoid further injury.

Hopefully next week we’ll have enough players for a proper brawl.

Million Dollar Ideas

Ever since college (roughly about 3 years ago now) or maybe during college – I had ideas. Entrepreneurship ideas. Product ideas. And since a million dollars is a good, round number – and can earn you $60,000 a year in interest alone (before taxes darnit), I like it. And to this day, I’m still thinking up ways I can earn this much money – doing something.

So I entitled my ideas/partial dreams “Million Dollar Ideas”. And they’ve followed me everywhere. Michelle/Friends/Coworkers get to listen to them any time I come up with something. Of course I’ll never pursue them – because:

1) They’d take too much time. I don’t have the flexibility to just quit my job and take a risk like that.

2) Most of them require a million dollars to start with – just general investment capital for R&D and product development/patent/business application.

3) Rarely do I come up with an idea/product that has a lifespan of longer than 3-5 years. Sadly enough, I’d like to not be categorized with the “Pet Rock” and “Silly Putty” guys (no offense, I bet both of you are enjoying your millions…)

4) In general, I’m just too lazy. And typically, my coworkers aren’t too lazy to point out that the product has already been created – or the unlawful side of my business ideas. In my opinion it really takes someone who is very driven (and has very little to lose) to start a successful business. And I’ve heard crazy things like “90% of first time businesses fail”. I can’t take that risk with two mortgages currently hanging over my head.

So I know that this can’t be a reality – it’s still nice to day dream – and who knows, maybe one day I’ll come up with an idea that flies in the face of all my own – and others nay saying.

I remember one of my very first “million dollar ideas” – and still think it is a good idea – although I saw the product in Brookstone store (or whatever those stores are) about 4 years ago (I had this idea in late 2001). It came about when I had to get up for a 9:30 class the next morning (man I used to think 8:00 am was early – boy was I wrong), but my roommate and his friends were out in the family room playing video games – and obviously making a lot of noise to go along with it.

I’m a light sleeper – so I require either silence or very soothing music (but not too soothing!) to put me to sleep. Sleep doesn’t work well when you’ve got 3 rowdy guys down the hall screaming out profanities and all of them either skipping class the next day – or not having their first class until 2 hours later than I start mine. Either way, when this situation would occur, I’d throw on my sound blocking head phones and my MP3 player. (Rio – see, this was before the I-pod). A little Norah Jones, and I was out. But as soon as I rolled over to one of my sides (I can’t sleep only on my back or on my stomach), my head (huge if you haven’t noticed – literally) was crushing one side of my head phones. Uncomfortable, I’d have to wake up, pull off my head phones and hear once again, the sound of screaming testosterone filled men.

That’s when I thought of the pillow – filled with speakers that played music. And I know, some of you might say, “But couldn’t you just play music on your stereo or your computer next to your bed? Yes. You could. But the music wouldn’t be RIGHT in your ear like a headphone would be – and blocking out most of the sound from further away from you. Which is why a pillow MP3 player was one of my first “great” ideas – In my opinion. I’d figure it’d have a built in alarm – something you could maybe turn off by punching the thing? Hah. Anyway, I believe the product has already been created – and obviously hasn’t been that successful – but then again it’s in one of those “we’re from the future stores”, so maybe it’s not mainstream enough yet.

Another product idea I had was waterproof running shoes – that breathe. I’ve heard that these have been created too – and someone made the argument that there’s thing called scotch guard too…OK – fine. The problem with really waterproofing something is that if it’s not letting anything in, none of your sweat or heat from your feet (if you’re being physically active) is escaping either. My thought was – if I could create some sort of reservoir for hot air/sweat that was built in to the sole – and if a person could wear socks that the sweat quickly passed through (like a second skin – Under Armor socks – do they make these?) the sweat/air could pool up in the reservoir, and for every foot strike, the shoe would create a suction, sucking all the hot air/sweat out of the reservoir and down a tube and out through the heel. Therefore leaving behind all the stuff that keeps your foot hot and sweaty.

And I understand that heat rises – so if there was a way we could make the top of the shoe like a better formed pot top – you know when you boil water and all the gas goes as far as it can – to the cover – where it becomes liquid again? And when you pull the cover off of a boiling pot of water, all the drops run to the sides? Something like that. I’ll be ticked if I see Nike come out with something like this (this is a recent idea – roughly about 4-5 months ago).

I have about 5-7 more product ideas – but they are much more short lived and sillier than these. Just a taste of the kinds of products I think about which would make life a little better.

Now for a couple business ideas. These are the ones that have loomed large in my head, and the ones that would probably require at least a few million in capital:

This one I came up with last year (probably about 8 months ago or so), and is more of an investment strategy than an actual business. With the recent fall of the sub-prime mortgage lenders, and those who got in to houses they couldn’t afford by using “creative financing” – the market for foreclosed homes is going to be where the real estate deals are over the next 2-3 years. Maybe even 5. Foreclosed homes usually are sold at a discount because the banks are just trying to offload the loan – and the risk as quickly as possible. For homeowners to default on their loan payments is obviously very bad for them – but also very bad for the banking institutions. From what I understand foreclosed homes are auctioned off at the county courthouses in the counties which the homes are located in. This is where I need the capital – on the day of auction, I would need roughly 20% of the foreclosed home price available to me – in cash.

If I was given even $1 million to work with in capital (again, I know I’m dreaming – but just play along) I’d try to find a couple homes either close to foreclosing – or already foreclosed in the $200K to $400K price range. I’d start with anywhere between 3 to 5 properties, and renovate them. It’s amazing what a lot of hard work by a couple people and no interest financing at the local home and garden store can do to a house that hasn’t been loved in 15 years.

So with the people facing foreclosure, I’d buy the loan from them, and make the payments for them. I’m assuming that with most of the foreclosed homes, I’d have to do some work to bring them up to my living standards (which are pretty high in my opinion) in order to get more value out of the homes when I sold them.

In essence, after renovating these newly purchased homes, I would rent them. But here’s what would make my offer so much more enticing to people looking to rent: I’d be willing to offer a cut (I was thinking 10% - maybe 20% if they’re great renters) of whatever profit was made on the home once I sold it. That way, even though they are renting from me – as soon as I sold it, I could guarantee an amount back to them meaning they would at least get some of their rent money back (or possibly break even or earn a profit). What’s great about this system I think, is that it forces the renters to take as good of care of the house as if they had actually owned it. The better they maintain the property, the higher it will sell for in the future – and the more they would earn. Definitely a “win-win” situation.

Just as an example, I’ll run through a quick purchase: I’ve found properties near my area, a foreclosed home in the area, 4 bed 2 and a half bath and 2000 square feet for $340K. Note – the median home price in my area is roughly around $450K+ right now. Looking at the pictures, it looked like a pretty beat down place. I’d (hopefully) purchase it at the county auction – putting $70K down. I’d finance the rest ($270K) on a 5/1 ARM, roughly making my payments about $1500/month for the mortgage. I’d do whatever it takes to upgrade it to my standards – new flooring, new cabinets, new appliances, granite countertops, paint, outdoor yard/lawn work – and hopefully get the job done after working roughly 2-3 months. I’d put up the “for rent” sign and only require the renters to pay market value or less. And would even be willing to take a couple hundred dollars worth of loss every month if that’s what it took to get people I trusted in that home.

After renovating the home, (putting anywhere between $20K-$70K in to the property if it really needed it) I would assume the value of the home would raise to at least $400K, or more. Assuming a more conservative rate of home price increases (at 9% a year – we were reappraised in our house after a year and appraised at 17% more than when we purchased) and taking a conservative home pricing of $400K, after 3 years of renting the home is then worth roughly $510K. Sell the home off (and assuming Michelle gets her Real Estate license, she sells this for very little commission, we’ll say 3% to pay the RE company), and pay off the balance of the ARM ($270K) and we should be in the clear.

So, quick number breakdown on ONE of the few properties we could do this with:

Costs:

Home purchase: $340K

Renovations: $50K

$200 loss on renters every month for 36 months: $7,200 (assuming we give them a discount on rent – and pay for our own insurance on the property)

Total Cost: $400K

Profit:

Home sale: $510K

After 3% RE commission: $495K

After 15% ($15K given back to renters – for keeping up the place (almost a 30% back of what they paid in rent!)

Total Profit: $80K.

Now I know that doesn’t look like much – but when you’re doing this with 3-5 different properties, it can add up pretty quickly. And really how much work did you put in this house for that $80K? 5 months at the most. I’d say that’s a pretty good income – even for 2 people.

Now if I could just find an investor to look at this idea with me…

My next idea (and last/shorter one since this post is getting out of hand), would be to start my own insurance company. I work for one – but sometimes I don’t understand it. It’s required by law to have insurance in our state – so no matter what the demand is there. Insurance to me is like gambling against yourself. That’s why it doesn’t make much sense to me – why should I gamble against myself?

In order to start my business I’d need base capital of about $5-7 million to be safe. This is to pay out on possible claims that could get pretty nasty. Obviously in the coverages I offered to my clients, it would have the maximum amount payable on a claim written on their policies, so no one claim would take even 20% of that nest egg.

Here’s how the insurance company would work: (Please note, I’m not sure if there are any sort of state/federal regulations against opening a business like this). I’d only go for the cream of the crop. And when I talk about those types, I mean literally the perfect drivers. The people who haven’t had a claim filed their entire lives. (Or at least the last 5 years). The guy who drives his 1998 Volvo 60 mph in the right lane, always signals, gets his oil changed religiously, checks tire pressure –etc. Never been in an accident, never received a speeding ticket…Immediately I think this cuts out 90% of the driver’s on the road today though. Sad.

Then we’re going to cut even further. We’re not going to allow drivers under the age of 25. We’re not going to write policies for people that live in high crime areas. We’re not going to allow a credit score below the 600s. What this means is that these people are going to pay us – on time. And will continue to pay us. So from the 10% left of those amazing drivers, we’ll have roughly only 7% left. That 7% of people is my target for this business. I want perfect people that don’t want to pay high premiums.

And I’m talking about SLASHING those premiums. Oh, you’re paying $600 every 6 months to Pemco? Come to our company, we’ll offer you $400. $300. Because really – isn’t that money all profit? Here you have a driver who is almost guaranteed to not get in to accident or get a speeding ticket for the next 20-25 years. Why do insurance companies even charge these people money? Because they’re helping to pay for all the claims the rest of us fuck ups create. They’re an elite driver or home owner – they deserve to be with an elite company that gives them a discount for being responsible drivers. Sick – I sound like Allstate.

But how will the claims work? You might ask. Because my client base is so small, the money flowing in can’t be as large as the other companies. You’re right. But the money being paid out on claims isn’t as frequent or as large either. Here’s why: I’m going to implement (as if the business is already existing) a 2 strikes you’re out rule. 1 claim – we’ll pay for it, and your premium will skyrocket by the way – hopefully you leave us at this point. 2 claims and you’re done. You are no longer our client. We thought you were better than that. I guess not. We’ll pay for it – as we’re throwing you out the door. Elite status card revoked.

I figure there are at least 10,000 drivers on the Washington roads right now that fit in to my business target. If I can get every single one of them with my company – and charge them a whopping $500/year (or a little bit more dependent upon what they drive - really this is a great deal for anyone who drivers fully covered) – I make $500K a year on pure profit. Sure, out of 10,000 drivers, I’ll probably pay a bit of claims out – but hopefully they won’t be large and frequent (knowing my client base) but I’ve also got the base of capital to work with – which is earning money itself. And the larger I can grow that “nest egg” for insurance, the more I can earn on my invested funds, the lower I can drop the premiums.

So those are a few of my ideas. Have at them. Please don’t steal them. Hah – I can’t believe I wrote that. I’ve thought (daydreamt) long hard hours about them – and it even took me an hour to type this all up. Dang, I wish it hadn’t taken so long…

Goodnight.

I Coulda Been a Contender

Not really. Well, yes really. Just not yet. But maybe so. In some instances. Ok, enough.

At the least, I love that saying. Before 5 minutes ago, all I heard in my head was a harsh New Jersey type accent saying that line.

I guess it’s from “On the Waterfront”. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0047296/quotes

And the reason that I like this quote, is throughout my life, I’ve partially strived to be a “jack of all trades”. It took lots of education, and lots of different work at things, and it’s still a work in progress, but I’m satisfied with where I am right now and where I’m going.

When I find something interesting, or something that I want to get “better” at, I work at it. For long hours. With lots of gusto.

After trying out the 3 major sports as a kid, and a major growth spurt at 14, I decided I might have a chance at making the NBA. Please, laugh all you’d like, for now. Ok, stop please. I was outside for 3-4 hours a night, in the pouring rain, shooting hoops on my new beloved basketball hoop that I got for Christmas. Every sane kid with any athletic ability dreamed to be Michael Jordan. But I worked at it, and realized my natural talent just wasn’t there to back up my work ethic.

But all that work got me somewhere. At least I can “play ball”. Sure, I play in the rec leagues, but at the least I can hang with guys my age. And just thinking of the entire male population, I’d have to say I’m in at least the top 35% of basketball players – that is, if we were all to have a giant one on one contest, I’d place myself at the 35^th percentile realistically. Which again, for me, is “good enough”.

Same thing with Tennis. Never thought twice about it while growing up. Looked like fun, tried it. Worked at it. Didn’t put in the same hours as I did with basketball, but I still did practice. And now I can run with people that played for 6 years throughout school – yes, they played in organized programs with coaches even.

Poker I fell in love with immediately. I can still remember the first time I lost $20 to a random group of guys less than a mile away from campus. I studied, and played, and lost some more. But during my poker heyday, I was pulling in close to a grand a month (which was a lot for me during college) and 19 people away from winning a seat to the World Series of Poker in 2005. “I coulda been a contender”.

So where am I going with this? A couple points: My dad. My dad could’ve been a contender. He’s worked his ass off for 30 years. One of his company’s best employees. And he’s seen it all. The boom and bust and the rebuild, and the layoffs, and finally he’s come to a point where he can almost retire. Really, the only reason he can’t is because my mom won’t let him. He turns 60 in May.

Before I continue the story about my dad, I’d like to mention regrets. There are those out there that say, “No regrets”. I used to be one of them. I used to try my best to live my life like that – as if every action I took I should look back on with pride and not question the route I took. But slowly I began to realize that saying to yourself that you have no regrets is fooling yourself. Ignoring your regrets, or if you don’t want me to speak for you, my regrets, sets me up for failure once again.

If I can acknowledge my regrets, I can move on, learn from my mistakes and hopefully pick the better path (notice not “right”) in the future. I have my regrets. There were things I have said and done in the past that I would change if I could. But I can’t. And having said and done those things, that places me in the position I am in today, right now. Knowing that, I’ve got to do the best with what I have left for myself at this point.

I could’ve been a contender at anything I chose. But I never felt the need to push myself that extra amount. That extra amount that contenders – those who truly love what they are working at – put in, and more. I’ve always thought, if you could say you were in the top 10% in the World – at anything – if you are better than 90% of the rest of the world at something – that really means something.

Sad to say, I think my only shot would really be breaking a world record of some sort. But still, even if I can aim for that top 25% region, I’ll be ecstatic. Obviously I’ll never meet every person in the world, but I have my peers around me to judge myself against. Averages and skill levels and ages are available on the internet at any time. As a small example I ran against 7500 other people (timed racers) in the St. Patty’s Day Dash recently. As far as my age is concerned, I was in the 46^th percentile (beating 54%). As far as other males go – I was in the 33^rd percentile. So just like everything else before, I’ve still got some work to do before I am satisfied.

Now back to my dad. My dad is 2 years away from retiring. In 2001/2002 when the stock market slumped after the terrorist attacks (and partially being overvalued/issues of fraud in major companies etc.) my dad lost more than half of his retirement money. And for those of you young people out there reading this, it may not seem like a big deal right now – mainly because you haven’t worked 25 years of your life yet to try and build something that you can hopefully live on for the rest of your life.

Here is where my regret comes in: I wish I had known. My parents asked me. I didn’t know enough. I should’ve taken the initiative. Instead I was just moved into the Seattle condo and discovering the joys of under-aged drinking. I was a stupid sophomore kid in college that didn’t give two shits about nothing except for school, drinking, basketball and girls (mainly). And that attitude continued well in to my early 20s.

My dad was 100% invested in the S&P 500 when it lost over half it’s value. He jumped ship taking with him a little over $200K and threw it in to a bond fund earning 3% a year vowing to keep what little he had left. After inflation his fund was only earning him less than 1%. Even a local bank could offer more. If I had only known, my dad’s account at a minimum right now would be close to $400K. At a minimum. It’s currently sitting at $220k with 2 years left before he wants to retire.

If I had known what I know now after only a year of extensive research on the stock market – if I had known in 2002 and given my dad advice then, I would’ve still picked a diversified mutual fund portfolio for him which would’ve turned his $200K in to close to $700K as of today. I had to just sit here for a moment to let that sink in. (Please, for those of you who laugh at a $500K difference, be thankful that you live such blessed lives. The rest of us aren’t so lucky)

And it’s been sinking in since I took the initiative 3 weeks ago. That sinking feeling – that “I wish I had known – I could’ve done something” – that terrible feeling that I could’ve been a contender – my dad could’ve been a contender. It’s harsh. And it’s what I’ve been dealing with lately.

I thought I grew up a lot after my issues in high school. I did. I grew up overnight. But I grew up for myself. My parents could’ve used my help in 2001. My dad could’ve used my help. And I regret not doing something for him. It would’ve taken literally less than an hour to change his 401K fund allocation. And 55 minutes of which would be me discussing with him why we need to take certain risks for him to get to a comfortable point.

But now, we’ve got 2 years left. 2 years left until my dad retires. I’ve got 2 years to figure out how I can get him to a point where he can live. My dad has enough capital right now to become a contender. He’ll have social security coming in, and my mom will continue to work because she loves her job (and the pay ain’t too shabby either!).

And now I get the chance to help them. Now I grow up for my parents. My dad said to me tonight that he wishes I had shown him this even 3 years ago. He was referring to his retirement company’s website which shows the yearly returns for his investment opportunities. Well I don’t get 3 years ago. I don’t even get yesterday back. I will do my best for them because this is what it’s going to take for them to live comfortably in to their old age. This is what it’s going to take so that they’re not a burden on their children if they require any kind of assisted living. And it’s not that I wouldn’t give everything for them – I would as they’ve done so for me – but I want to help now instead of looking back in 5 to 30 years and saying, “I wish…”

Sometime in the coming week I’m sitting down with both my mom and dad. And we’re going to formulate a plan. And I’ll follow through. I’ll control it. My dad was lost on it, and I needed to point them in the right direction. Hopefully I’m more wildly successful than I am realistically imagining.

Because I might get tired of being part of the working middle class. I want to live off of my money. And when it comes to money, I want to be a contender. My dad probably isn’t going to make it there, but at the least I’m going to try to insure that he has enough money to have his autumn years displayed in a golden color – Or that of his desired BMW 540.

Here’s a random Forbes articles about the top 1.5% of the top 1% of the top 1% (of top 1% - really even smaller). I would be happy if I could even get close…(Mainly I enjoyed the article title, but the article itself is a good read too IMO)

http://www.forbes.com/2007/03/20/sosnoff-bubble-burst-oped-cx_mts_0320sosnoff.html?partner=links

Here’s hoping I don’t let these thoughts keep me up any longer than they already have.

Sleep well.

Rando One Liners – March

Since I was somewhat disturbed at what happened today at work, I was reading through my older blog posts (which make me happy to know that I’ve got a past)

And I found my one liner post. Lots of entertaining one liners at that. And I remembered why I did it – because sometimes I write too much, and sometimes it’s just better to get the point across instead of rambling. So, I’m going to try my best to go for that again. I’ve got way too many things on my plate right now, in my opinion, so getting it all out (dirty) in one liners I think will help a little bit. Here we go. I apologize if there’s not enough of a description to point you in the same direction I’m going. Maybe you need to read between the lines (there’s going to be space there).

Retirement accounts.

Michelle’s retirement account has taken almost 3 weeks to setup, at the least I am frustrated.

Zecco.com is a joke – the company is young – and there’s a reason they offer $0 commission on trades.

I want to max out everyone’s roth. I live for a tax free investing world – or at least Warren Buffet’s.

My dad has lost roughly 1% a year since 2002 in his retirement account.

He could’ve been a millionaire if he had just taken a little bit more risk.

But when retirement looms, as in, it’s less than 7 years away, I might have a lot different mindset about risk.

I believe if I ever get to that point, I will have failed my main goal in life: Retire early + Whoever dies with the most toys wins.

Really? That’s my main goal? I guess – the other stuff will come naturally.

Morale is very low in my department. Another great coworker will be leaving us on April 1^st.

I put up moving cardboard boxes on my cube to make my walls bigger and avoid the others.

I have the smallest bladder out of anyone I know. I am embarrassed when someone is at the urinal peeing as I am walking in, and then I am leaving the urinal even before they are done peeing.

I do not wait. If I feel the slightest urge to pee, I go.

By the time I am done writing this and posting, I will have gone 3 times in 20 minutes. Yes, I drank 40 ounces of water before I sat down and started writing. My body doesn’t think it was a big mistake but the annoyed part of my brain thinks it is.

I am frustrated that I am not just using one sentence in this one liner post.

I have my A+ certification coming up. I am halfway through a 900 page book full of stuff I “kind of” know about already, but will still study my ass off.

I am ahead of schedule.

I am betting Michelle I will lose more weight than her by May 15^th.

To help this bet, I have set a goal to run 100 miles by May 15^th.

I am behind schedule.

I am also led to believe that I have “skinny arms”.

I am eating protein bars, and lifting twice a week now, and am upping the weight every time I go.

It will literally be a miracle if my arms get any bigger.

I get tired working out so much.

I hate having 7 different passwords that I use. Having to scroll through all of them in my head takes up way too much time. No one would want to hack my info anyway.

The Audi dealership sent me this email:

Hi Seth,

I received an e-mail inquiry from you regarding an Audi on December 31, 1969, sent you a response and have not heard back from you yet. Maybe you are not in the market for a car, have bought one already, contacted us by mistake or maybe you really do want a car. So please let me know if I can be of assistance or if you are no longer in the market let me know so I can take you off of our list. At any rate, thanks for giving us an opportunity and I will be happy to help you out any way I can.

First of all, I am not a fan of your comic sans font.

Here is my reply:

December 31^st, 1969? Hilarious, I wasn’t even born yet. Was email even around then yet? I don’t think so.

I am angry with customer service wasting my time. I notice that when I call India – oh and I know when I am – that my average call lasts 4 times as long as it would have if I had dealt with someone here in the states. Is that saving money for your company? PAYPAL?

Enjoy your $20 in fees you’ve charged me since February – PAYPAL.

Definitely not my pal. But somehow I’m paying you? Ingenious company name I guess. No wait, it should be PAYENEMY or PAYADVERSARY

Words in CAPS should not be checked for spelling.

I am a high maintenance employee, therefore I feel sorry for my manager. But not really.

Sometimes I say things when I’ve been drinking and I just get this WTF look on the faces of the people I said it to. It sticks with me. For weeks. Until the next one comes along.

This past one was, “I’m worried about the soul and spirit of this country, I mean look at us! We’re focused on bullshit like YouTube and E! News network. There’s no value in that! The entire time, India, Japan and China are all raising their children putting them through 80 hours of science and math classes a week! We’ll be looking for jobs in the far east in at LEAST 7 years!”

All this as a response to, “Yeah, I love to goof off at work”. Looks of others – stuck in brain – can’t get out – like pine tar on plastic.

I should be going to bed now, but I’m not tired.

Pain, in my leg. Amazing how much a shin splint or just random hurting of knee can cause you to slow – to labor at things you should be “good” at.

It’s hard to improve when your body hates you.

My XBOX will be worthless in 2 months. WTG buyer’s remorse.

I wanted to post a picture of my goals from the nikeplus.com website. But I couldn’t login (see the 7 passwords one liner). I don’t think it’s my fault though – AH – it worked, stupid case sensitive user IDs.

That says I am 17.7 miles behind my goal. I have run 10 miles that haven’t been loaded yet. Figures. Still 8 miles behind.

It is never finished. I am always trying to catch something that is out of reach.

It hasn’t gotten tiring yet.

And So It Begins

March Madness. Even though my beloved Huskies aren’t in it this year, I still love it. At no other time during the year can you watch 4 different games at the same time (all crazy – all madness) from 9 am in the morning to 9 pm at night.

What does March Madness mean to me?

Early memories. I remember in junior high when they would roll out the TVs during PE, and we’d sit there on the wood floor in our “PE uniforms” watching the games. I remember how they’d turn on the TV during the 10 minute “between class” breaks so we could catch the games. I remembered other kids asking if I caught the end of the Duke game, if I saw the most recent buzzer beater, or the 5 seed that got crushed by a lowly 12 seed up and new comer Gonzaga.

And it was the same throughout the rest of my school career. It was almost as if the whole world stopped for those two first round days – 32 games spread out over 12 hours…and watched. The sheer number of games alone was a spectacle in itself.

Men’s college basketball is a different game. Sure each team has it’s “stars”. But it’s still the most pure form of basketball in my opinion. No million dollar contracts (for the players). “Team” ball. Students in the crowd that have waited their entire lives to upset an undefeated team coming to their home floor (WHO’S HOUSE!), camped out at the front door of the arena in 40 degree raining weather for the past two nights only to paint their bodies in their team colors 2 hours before game time – going in half naked and starved. And the emotion shows on the court too. Bodies fly around on the floor and in the stands. One and done. Don’t let it be your team.

All for a chance at what starts today. The experts and analysts and conference champions and the ratings percentage index – none of it matters as soon as that ball gets thrown up in the air for the first tip off (today at 8:45 am PST).

One of my best memories was following my favorite college basketball team of all time (The Huskies of course) to the first round in 2005 in Boise, Idaho. After hearing that I had received tickets to the opening round and round of 32 (since I was such a loyal fan from 2000 when we were terrible), I was scrambling to get the days off from work and trying to get people to go with me. Since I had already graduated from school (I was given one extra year of eligibility as a basketball fan! :p) I wasn’t dealing with what everyone else still in school had to before the first round started: Finals.

So after rounding up a few close friends (mainly for company – and to share gas/hotel costs) we headed to Boise. Lucky for us the Blue Mountains had one of the worst snow sessions I’ve ever seen. I was literally trying my best to follow in the tracks of a semi – who was leaving me (A SEMI!) going downhill. The drive to Boise is in the top 5 “worst drives I have ever taken” list. After finally getting to Boise that Wednesday night at 10:30 pm, we were lost. And here’s the problem with Boise: Everyone that lives there can somehow tell you’re an “out of towner” (could it be the Washington plates? MAYBE) and they blatantly lie to you. I have never had so much incorrect information given to me over a 3 day period. And it’s not even that they said, “I don’t know”…

OK – quick side complaint. If someone asks you where a road – or a hotel – or ANYTHING is in the area that you live – you either know where it is and give them directions – or you don’t know – just say it! Just say, “I don’t know where that is”. Don’t try to make up some sort of directions when you have no idea what you’re talking about. You’re very nice. But your directions got us even MORE lost. And it’s not that this happened with 1 or 2 people. It happened with almost everyone we met there.

Seth: Where can we park? (once we got to the arena)
Parking Guy: See that road down there behind those stands? Keep following along that road and then go left past the 3rd grand stand and you’ll see a bunch of orange cones you can drive through to the booth where you can pay for parking.
(We follow the directions and get to the booth)
Booth Guy: Sorry, you’ll have to turn around and come in through the other direction (the other direction is stacked with cars trying to pay for parking). I can’t allow you to enter the parking going this way.

ARGGGHHH…(just 1 out of at least 10 examples of us getting misdirected)

And now that I’ve got that off my chest, I can talk about the “good things” about the trip. I got to see my beloved Huskies make it to the sweet 16. They didn’t play that well – but they played good enough to make it there. Obviously, I had a feeling that we’d be knocked out during the next round (ALTHOUGH LAST YEAR WE GOT SCREWED BY THE REFS! GARRR!).

We were able to walk around a lot (as it was a college campus – that sucks BTW – if you’re considering Boise State, don’t go there. There are other campuses across the country that are much better looking at the least) and immediately after the live games we were able to watch, we went immediately to the hotel to watch the rest of the games on TV – and drink. The drinking, I almost hate to say, was my favorite part. Over a 2 day period (minus the sleeping and time actually spent at the arena), 3 of us consumed over 60 beers in the hotel alone. That doesn’t take in to account the drinking we did at the local Japanese grill, red robin, chili’s…etc. When you’ve got game after game after game after game – and games shown during commercial breaks and the half time show – that’s a lot of drinking to go along with those games. I can proudly say, it has to rank in my top 5 of “most consistently drunk over a 2 day period” list. (I must have a lot of lists I guess)

And even though the weather was freezing for most of the time, and even though the city of Boise was pretty boring and full of liars – I had a blast. It was probably and will probably be one of my favorite “sports fan” experiences of all time. And I have the NCAA tournament to thank for all of that.

Good luck to all of the teams participating over the next few weeks. Especially those with the odds stacked high against them. Everyone loves to root for the underdog.

And for those of you at work on this glorious day – please do check out http://www.ncaasports.com/mmod/welcome for free streaming on demand video of most of the games on. I know that I’ll be enjoying them.

(I have pictures that could go along with this post – will try to post later).

The pros and cons of working the “early shift”

Since most actions that I take are based on a quick “pros/cons” or “opportunity cost” analysis, it would only make sense that “working early” would be one of those things. I can understand that there are those out there that are pigeon holed in to a shift – business needs – family needs – a yoga or dance class that meets 3 mornings a week, etc. But not me. No pigeons and no holes for me – yet.

So for the rest of you – if it is available, and you live in the Seattle area like I do (read: TRAFFIC) then why not? Hopefully my silly list of dashed points will help you change your mind on getting up at “dark o’clock”. I think that most people like to hear the bad before the good, or at least I do, so we’ll start with those. And I think I like to read the bad first because it makes the good that much sweeter. If the good were to go first, the bad would kind of sour the taste in your mouth afterwards. Like doing the chaser before the shot.

And as a definition of early, many of you would think “7 am”. So I’m just going to say that early is any time before that. (I get up at 5:45 am and start work at 6:30 am as of currently).

CONS of working early:

-It’s really freaking early (this is the most obvious). Most people my age can’t handle waking up before 6 am.

-It’s dark outside when you wake up (during the winter months). I associate darkness with sleep. And the world is a much colder place in the early morning. The bed is that much warmer in the winter months.

-I don’t get to “take my time” when I wake up. In order to get more sleep during the early shift, I wake up as late as possible and then rush through everything. When I used to work the “later shift”, I could slowly take a shower, cook myself breakfast, even sit down and enjoy some morning TV. I tend to forget things when I’m rushing out of the house.

-I’m sleepier earlier. It’s hard to go out on those Friday nights and even stay up until 1 am. By 11:30 pm I’m yawning and looking for my bed. Add in having a few drinks and s’ova.

-I sometimes miss important afternoon meetings or announcements after 3 pm. Most people work until at least 4, so sometimes that “last email” goes out by the time I’m already enjoying the comforts of my home.

-I crave lunch and dinner at weird times. Most people would associate lunch with noon. Usually I eat at 10:30-11:00 am. Which means that I’ll be wanting dinner by even 4:30 pm, when most people would associate dinner with 6 pm or later. Most places aren’t open at 10 am for lunch, nor are any non-24 hour places open before 6 am.

-A normal “night” activity, for example a basketball game that starts at 8:30 pm completely crushes my schedule, and I feel extremely tired the next day. I get home at about 10 pm, then have to shower, have to calm down a bit, and suddenly I look up and I’ll be getting 4 and a half hours of sleep for this night.

-Once you get your body properly waking up early everyday, it’ll want to do the same thing on the weekends. Being up at 7 am on a Saturday morning with nothing to do is not fun at all.

PROS of working early:

-Traffic. I did mention that most people my age can’t handle waking up before 6 am. I guess I should just say it’s “most people” and cut out the “my age” part. With less people awake, that means a lot less people on the roads. People who work the early morning shifts see how traffic is supposed to be: Nonexistent. As a side note: I think that early morning drivers are better drivers because they don’t want any hassle at all. They have a destination, they’re going to get there – there’s more focus on driving because there’s less focus on everything else – other drivers included. For those of you that haven’t seen the freeways at 5:30 am, wake up early one morning and go for a drive. I’m a much more calm person (by about 30-40%) ever since I got out of traffic. Not only that but I gain an extra 30 minutes to 2 hours every day that I would’ve been stuck in traffic for. TWO HOURS of my life back every day! Assuming a 50 weeks of work per year, and saving 45 minutes of traffic on average, you’re looking at almost an extra 200 hours a year (almost 10 whole days!) that are available for you to use how you’d like – since you’re not stuck in traffic anymore. I should just end the “pros” list here. This is really all that should need to be said.

-Most of the months (7+ months out of the year) there is light out (if not sun – shocking) at 6 am. What brought about this blog post was that I was noticing I could actually see the road without having to turn my lights on. Was it the full moon in a cloudless sky? Probably. But with daylight savings time coming soon on the 11th, I don’t even thing I’ll need to use my head lights. In my opinion watching the sunrise (for those of you that have windows at your place of employment) is one of the most calming and spectacular ways to start the day.

-Starting work early means getting off early. Every day I get off of work, there is that small taste of satisfaction looking at the faces of my coworkers, jealous of me “getting off already?” and then looking at their clocks and saying, “I’ve got at least another 2 hours to go!”.

-Activities after work are much more accessible. Working until 6 pm gives you very limited ability to see the “sneak preview” of “300” showing at Pacific Place at 7 pm. Good luck getting good seats when you show up at 6:55 pm. Happy hour. I actually get off work in time to enjoy the “real” happy hour. Not the one from 9 pm to close. Getting places before everyone else is like being given the secret code to a concert ticket presale. You’ve got the head start on everyone else.

-Along with the nonexistent traffic, it’s a lot like running errands on a vacation day. If I’ve got to go to the bank, pick up something at the grocery store, get my oil changed etc. I can do it right after work. And I can almost guarantee there will be no line when I get there. Or possibly the “stay at home mom” with her two kids in tow. And I can handle that. Skipping out on all the disgruntled employees who just got off of work is great on my psyche when it comes to my outlook on my community. And the same thing goes at the gym. About a fourth of the “usual” crowd that shows up around 5:30 pm to 9 pm is there. I can work out without having to wait for things.

-I take more advantage of my time after work. While working the late shift, there were days during winter that 100% of my time after work it was dark out. And I like to be outdoors. Shooting hoops, throwing the football around, going for a run or walk. It’s hard to do those things in the dark. And working the late shift, “prime time” comes right after you get off of work. After the 8 pm to 10 pm slot is up, you’re kind of scratching your head and looking for something to “waste” time from 11 pm to 1 am since you’re not sleepy yet. While I’m working the early shift, I can go to sleep at 10 pm without feeling guilty about sleeping “early” because I’ve already had 7 hours of “leisure” time after work. Getting more daylight in after work makes me more productive and also puts me in a better mood.

-I sometimes miss important afternoon meetings or announcements after 3 pm. (Since some of you would say this is a pro)

-Although I hate waking up early on the weekends (because both my dog and my body force me to) by 11 am each weekend day, I look at the clock and say, “Nice! It’s only 11 am, I’ve got the rest of the day ahead of me”. Where as before, I would sleep until 9:30 am or even 10:30 am, and by 3 pm, I’d be depressed by how much of the day had already passed me by.

I have more “pros” but they seem as substantial as previous points I’ve made. Hopefully by writing more in the “pros” section I can persuade (yeah right) those of you reading this to switch to an earlier shift. Weakest end to a blog post ever.

Random Notes - February

I really do hate these. Not really. I just don’t like to “title” most of my blog posts because that gives me the ability to free write. Really, I’d like to entitle this post, “A lame attempt at filling the month of February with at least 4 blog posts”. Because it is.

It’s hard to keep up with something I wrote last week that I consider some of my “top notch” stuff. I can’t always produce stuff like that. And the sad thing is, is that I’ve got 4 different drafts written for blogs I could post at any time, and they would make sense within my blog because I talk about random things, overblown-see-way-too-much-of-the-forest-for-the-laurels-you’re-looking-at
-outside-your-5’X4”-plexiglass-window-oh-my-gosh-I-think-this-is-your-longest
-run-on-ever.

So because of that, I need “cool down” sessions that don’t need any build up, or don’t need any explanation, or, I’m looking for another “or” here because 3 “or”s makes it look and read well. Bah.

So, for my sanity, I pull together a group of one liners, a post of magnificent insignificance.

I received my bonus today. Or I didn’t receive it, but I was given the paperwork that showed the amount that I would be getting along with my paycheck March 15^th. I also received how much my raise would be. For my bonus, we were given a “median” amount of 10.8%. Since I was one of the top performers in my group (I believe the top when all was said and done for the year) I expected a swing up to 14%. That was in the “perfect world”. Let’s just say that the “perfect world” got even more perfect. More perfect than I could imagine. And my face hurt from smiling for the next hour.

Here’s an idea: People like cash right? Most, sane, greedy capitalistic American pigs like cash. Want people to work hard for you? Pay them more than they expect. Surprise them. Don’t buy them pizza randomly. Don’t shower them with gift cards to gas stations 15 miles away from their homes. Don’t patronize them by giving them the “reward” of being able to wear jeans to work. Give them cash. Cold, hard, beautiful smelling cash. Direct deposited. Maybe actually handing the physical green backs to them? If my manager walked up to me and handed me $500 today and said, “Here you go, here’s some of your bonus”, I would be ecstatic. Much more than them telling me that I would get to wear jeans every day this year. Much more than them buying lunch for us for the next 3 months. Much more than getting new computers. Key words: Cash. Handed me. Much more.

Although I am VERY happy with what I’ve been given, I hate to point out a few things: I was told the bonus would be calculated based off of the overtime I had worked last year. It wasn’t. I am hoping (really crossing fingers…really only thinking this has a 10% shot of working) that what I was told last year by a previous manager will stand. We’ll see. I was also expecting a raise of 6% at a minimum. Guess what. I got what I expected. At a minimum. C’mon! Inflation was 2.5% last year! You’re only going to give me double the inflationary rate? 7-10% would make me much happier! How about just $300 extra? That’s all I really want. Make me a round number. I’ll be discussing this with the “higher ups” tomorrow. No trip report. Because this is all I’m going to mention on this topic.

I don’t like “waiting until this show is over” to do something. There is a reason I pay an extra $10 a month for DVR. It’s so that you can tape whatever rerun of “How do I look”/”What not to wear”/”Fashion police”/”Red Carpet Fashions”/”E! Daily 10”/”Hogan knows best”/"Extreme makeover"/"Dr. 90210" or whatever the fuck else your watching. If I ask you to do something 3 times that really means I need you to do it. The 3^rd time you should be running to do it. Shit, at most I only take asking twice don’t I? And it’s just TV. TV will be there when you’re/we’re done. The same shit. Different time. Nothing new learned (unless you’re watching for educational purposes – LAUGH)

When I ask you something, I am looking for a “Yes” or “No” answer. Do you? Or do you not? In my book there are no, “Perhaps, Maybes, or We’ll sees”. Why let people hang on? What kind of shitty game are you trying to pull? Just let people know you’re intentions and quit fucking with them and especially wasting their time/energy. Sometimes I wish I surrounded myself with more decisive people. I strive to provide a good example by telling people up front, “Yes I can” or “No, I can’t”. I’d expect the same sort of treatment in the future.

Do people not update their blogs because their life is uninteresting? Or because they have nothing to write about? Or maybe they don’t write very well? Or so they think? Or maybe it’s just another one of those “I’ll start one but never keep up with it – ever” type deals. *sigh*

Alan Greenspan says that recession is coming. Makes sense. 4 years riding the Bull, gotta get eaten by the Bear sometime. Should be interesting times this summer as far as the market is concerned. Also, all the sub prime lenders and those defaulting on those sub prime loans (way to go America – land of the material wealth in trade for debt to income ratios of 1,000 to 1!) are all getting butt hurt right now – and it’s only going to get worse.

I just realized today that my mom is very healthy and probably won’t be out of my life until I’m at least 55. That is, unless she gets some sort of terminal cancer or something. I pray to God not. However, knowing that she’ll be around for a good 30 more years (again, very good chance of this, but no harm in hoping for the best right?) makes me feel very good and safe. Mama’s boy? Probably. I can’t say the same for my dad since he’s had health issues over the past 8 years, but I think no matter what, he’s lived an excellent life. I’d be very happy if my dad got another 20 years. (My dad is 59 and my mom is 49)

Kind of weird and morbid to think about this kind of stuff…but, I’m more weird than anything I guess…or a lot more realistic than a lot of other people who just, “Don’t want to discuss that sort of thing”.

For those of you following my “sports betting blog” it’s now finished. Sportsbook.com for some reason feels the need to charge me $30 to deposit and withdraw my money. The kid who gambles MAYBE $500 a year on sports? You’re going to charge me 10% to play? Isn’t taking my money when I lose enough? BOO on you. Until I find a new sportsbook that doesn’t charge me, that blog will be dead. Maybe I’ll change it to my investment blog? Now there’s an idea…

Having to pee in the morning is terrible. I wake up at 5:40 am. That’s the time my alarm goes off. However, I usually get up around 4:00 am to 4:50 am because I have to pee. I drink a lot of water before I go to bed. So usually I try to stay up as late as possible (or at least until I am tired) so that I don’t have to pee early in the morning. If I get less than 7 hours and 15 minutes of sleep, I feel great the next day (unless I only got 4 hours), and I sleep all the way through to 5:40 am the next morning. However, if I do end up getting even close to 8 hours of sleep, surely I’ve got to piss by 5:00 am. But I don’t.

I’m lazy, and I roll around in bed, squeezing my bladder, thinking, "if I just push my body pillow against the in question parts it'll stop the urge and flow", and trying to go back to sleep. And I get in this “half sleep” where I think of the day ahead of me, what I’m going to wear, what I’m going to eat for lunch, if I’ve got any meetings, if I’m going to pack clothes to lift at the gym after work…all the time, angry at my weak bladder. Sometimes I have enough of the urge to go that I just get up and I can fall right back asleep after releasing. But sometimes, it’s just on the verge. Like the time you just drank that 20 ounce Sprite at the theater during the opening scene and now…dangit – you’ve got to hold it for the rest of the movie. Theatre for you Canadians or "cooler than thou" Google employees.

This is my life. I’m so glad I’m getting this stuff out. My dream is to read it years from now and laugh at my ridiculous self. And on that note, good night.

Lent and Self Over-Analysis

Well, today is Fat Tuesday. Some people are getting drunk. Others are getting fat…ter. Some just gave up on their new year’s resolution. Others are disappointed in the way their Valentine’s day went. Some are angry that others got the day off for a non-holiday. Some people, including me, laughed hysterically at a President’s day sale at Levitz’s commercial that included a Levitz truck backing up to the front door of the White House and our President, fearless leader and commander, repeatedly saying the word “So-fa”. (I searched for about 2 minutes for a link for everyone, but if you missed it, sorry. Definitely the best commercial since I’ve seen the Superbowl – not that there were that many good commercials anyway).

So even though I’m not Catholic (really, do I know what I am? This question is obviously meant for many many many more blog posts) I still “occasionally” celebrate Lent. It’s fun to give up stuff you think you need and test your will power. Burgers. Alcohol. Gambling. I’ve done it before. And I won’t go in to all that mumbo-jumbo over what Lent is and how it came about. Everyone reading this either should A) Know what it is B) Know how to run a google search C) Side note – with the appearance of sites like Wikipedia and ehow.com will anyone within walking distance of an internet connection ever have the ability to ask an actual question (that obviously has an answer) without being responded to with an annoyed, “I don’t know, why don’t you GOOGLE it?”

I’m afraid for our generation. All of our technological advances, and rarely can I find someone refreshing that has anything to say anymore (go figure, I’m writing in my blog instead of yucking it up over a beer – yum beer)

After much run around, let’s get to part of my point. I am giving up impatience for lent. Should lent be capitalized? My spell/grammar check doesn’t come up with anything. I prefer it capitalized, like God, even though the jury is still out on whether or not a higher power(s) really do(es) exist.

After much stress over the past year of me wanting to fast forward to next year, to next week, to the next paycheck, to next May, to the next 3 day weekend per pointless holiday (but a good cause for a great furniture commercial!) I am starting to realize that it’s all going to come in due time. There’s no point in wanting to rush it because it will come. I’ll be here. Even though I was slated to die by 25 (and even I thought this and still 35% of me does – yes, you read that right. I am honestly 35% scared I will die in the next 7 weeks) I don’t think I will. I think I’ll be that old angry bastard that outlives everyone. And has memories to prove it.

Now here’s where the “over analysis” section of this post comes in. Don’t you like how I make sure to partially stay on topic? I was obviously a terrible essay writer in college/high school/junior high…not really though.

I am part of a generation that cannot be defined. Sometimes for fun though, I like to label my peers. I like to label myself. Again, for fun. Because sometimes, it just fits.

And in doing so, I’ve come up with a few things in relation to my desire to give up impatience for the next few weeks. And that is that I feel that I am a part of two groups. One is the “instant gratification” group. Everyone knows this. Everything is so much faster. Everything is so much more accessible. Shit, I wanted to go buy Jim Cramer’s book tonight. Hell, I could do it online right now with the gift card I won for being such a “good little employee” in the 4^th quarter. And with that money, I could have it shipped overnight to make sure a FedEx (love the logo BTW guys) truck is ringing my doorbell tomorrow by 3 pm.

OR, I’ve got my car. I’ve got my gift card. Barnes and Noble is open I believe until at least 10 pm. I could’ve taken 25 minutes out of life, driven down and picked it up. Anything I want. Anytime I want. As long as I have the desire, it is mine. I can’t even imagine what it was like for people back in the 50s to wait for a letter from family. Within an hour of a baptism I can see pictures of my Godson (notice G) and forward it along to everyone that was there. Imagine how long it would take me to send 1 picture to one of my cousins in NYC via Pony Express? Hell, some Indians might even shoot the damn carrier down if he got unlucky (not that I know this occurred in the past, just trying to make some light of the situation, err dark?)

And not that there’s any problem with this. For the most part, I like the availability. My dream in this area is to have everything open 24 hours. I need to know that if I have a craving for a sandwich from Fred Meyer on a Wednesday morning at 2:23 AM that they’ll be there for me (unfortunately they’re not and probably due to FDA regulation bullshit they have to take all the food that isn’t purchased and chuck it).

But the thing is, all this speed, and all the availability leads to burn out. This leads me to my 2^nd point label of my generation as the “everything sucks” generation. Things are hot for a MAXIMUM of 5 years. I think even that lifecycle is getting shorter and shorter. Think of things since you were 13. Tell me how many of them are still “cool”. Even things that lasted longer than 5 years still fell off. Still struggled after that 5 year breaking point. Things grow for 5 years, things are “hot” for 5 years while the speed carries everything around and then it sucks. Suddenly just that 1 extra person found out about Jason Mraz and now he sucks. He’s overplayed. He’s not as talented as I once thought he was. Please, by all means use MySpace as an example. Heck, use this blogger. I guarantee within 5 years traffic on both of these sites will be cut in at least half.

The backlash within the “everything sucks” generation is tremendous. The hatred with which the American public/media can come at a celebrity could be unbearable. I’m amazed that more of them don’t go absolutely berserk or commit suicide. Most celebrities/things just fall away and then are discussed 9 years later through coworkers with the discussion ending in “No, Angelica Huston played that creepy metal thing with weird arms in Captain EO, here, look at the link to Wikipedia” (and your coworker emails you the link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Captain_EO)

So how does this all pertain to me? A good portion of our debt will be done May of 2008. That’s roughly 1 year and 2 months away. We’ve already finished about 20% of it…all obviously on no interest financing (I feel very smart for doing this) and it feels good to be done with part of it. I’ve gotten a little “taste” for what it feels like to have some cash just floating around, smiling at you and saying, “How would you like to spend or invest me today?”

And just the thought of knowing that raises will come. Tax returns will grow. Equity in our home will build. Bonuses and stock options will be given. Knowledge about everything will multiply. Memories will be made and shared. Life will change for the better. The future looks so bright, I want it to be here now. I see things like stocks from China going up 97% over the past 2 months. And I think to myself, if this had been 5 years down the road and I had had $50K invested it would now be $100K…and how suddenly dreams of being a millionaire…a multi millionaire…aren’t so far away.

And I can’t wait. Because waiting sucks. Remember, if I don’t get my “instant gratification” then “everything sucks”. But tonight, when searching for something to give up for Lent, this is what I came up with. I can wait. The next year will be great. Heck, we’re only 3 months away from the beginning of warmer temperatures. And I shouldn’t be pushing through each day, killing to get to 7-10 years down the road. I’m newly married, in a year I’ll be surrounded in more liquid funds than I’ve ever seen in my entire life and really won’t know what to do with it. Here’s praying at the least I’m smart about it. And if you’re thinking to yourself that I may be a little obsessed with money, that is probably true, but to me, it’s really the only worry I’ve got on my mind right now. And honestly, I feel extremely lucky to be saying that.

But until the weekend, until next may, until retirement and beyond, each day is working towards that point. And I want to make it a point for this Lent season to stop a little bit when I start to feel myself rushing. To take a deep breath when I notice my daydreaming start to excite me about my future. To take Wednesday for what it’s worth and not wish I could be at Friday already. There’s a reason I’m here tonight writing this and a reason as to why I’ve got to sit through another 3 days until I’ve got another weekend. I should be savoring this time instead of wishing I was further along. I don’t want to look back at 40 and say I wish I hadn’t hurried so much.

Now is a great time for me to take advantage of my situation. The anticipation of what’s to come is just icing on the cake of what is the present.

And jokingly, for those that really don’t know what Lent is: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lent (link is serious)

Bittersweet Symphony + Extraordinary

"I'm tired of being ordinary".

Someone told me this once. Complaining that their lives were sham. That there was no point.

That what they did on a day to day basis made no difference whatsoever. That if suddenly they were to die, sure their small group of friends, family and acquaintances would all miss them and die, but what would their legacy to the human race be? None really.

"Well do something that makes you extraordinary then."
"Like what?"
"I dunno."

On the road home, stuck in 50 minutes of traffic for 12 miles...a song came on the radio that absolutely spoke to me.

And I know it has spoken to me for sometime. It just didn't come through as clear as it did that June afternoon. 92 degrees and hundreds of cars in front of me...stuck.

Trying to make ends meet
You're a slave to money
Then you die

I'll take you down the only road
I've ever been down

All struggling to get home. Faces on hands. Listening to the radio.

Just to be home to sit on the couch and watch the TV.

Well at least, for most, it's a lot easier than "work". It's a lot more comfortable than sitting in your business casual and crappy office chairs from the 80's.

And you're free to do what you'd like at home. I guess that's the comfort of it.

But how do we all continue on? How do you find purpose in your life? Are the distractions of "shiny objects" or the daily rumors about so called "celebrities" enough for you to hold on to?

Sure, those with children, I can understand. You have children. You have lives that are your responsibility. I can see the purpose in a parent's eyes.

But what about me? Where does my purpose come from? No other lives truly depend on mine. And the difference I make in this world when I'm all said and done will be very little, if at all any.

So what. I want to be extraordinary. How I become "extraordinary" is up to me though. And that's the tough part. I want to be a good force in this world. I want to do more good for it than I do harm. And I just want that to be a portion of who I am, because no matter what, I have to be selfish in the end. Even though I feel like I've got to take care of things outside of my control, I've also got to take care of myself. And making myself a better person doesn't immediately translate in to making this world a better place.

And it's all "wants" and there's very little "do"s. And that's why this is my blog. Because I get to write things out on paper that I've been thinking of. How punching a clock makes me really sick sometimes. But how other people are going through the same thing and somehow they push on day after day. Yet, some people never have this same realization that I do. And that I have this feeling every couple of months...

But I'm doing just fine. A change isn't required. Most people would say I was doing better than fine. But sometimes good enough isn't good enough for me. Ugh, I've been thinking too much today.

Happy President's Day.