Redefining Freedom

When I think of the word freedom, I think of the freedom of speech. The ability to move about freely and do whatever I would like to (typically within the law) without facing any hassle.

I never looked at having a job as freedom.

I thought I was giving up my freedom in return for money. In turn giving me the ability to enjoy much more freedom once I could be financially free, or to enhance the time that I had to use my freedom when I wasn't working.

On Friday afternoon, a day after my 27th birthday, I found out that the company I had given my first few years out of college to was getting rid of me. As I sit right now my final day with the company is July 31st. After that I have a few more months of severance pay and whatever else I have left saved over from the vacation I haven't used. I was shocked. Dumbfounded. I kept wondering if the announcement I had just been a part of had really happened.

And in an instant my definition of freedom was permanently altered.

For some reason I figured I was safe. The acquisition had cleared and those that were set to be laid off had already received their notices.

Also, I thought the company would need somebody in my position. I thought I was working in a necessary role. I thought.

But, it was a "business decision". I knew our office was closing, I just figured I could continue working virtually, or if I had to, I could relocate to a new building.

Instead they decided to chop us all off with an axe.

I had it all planned out too. There were people in my department that had worked the same job for years - many more than I had put in. Never wanting to move, or possibly wanting to and not having the ability. But really, how tough was my job? How bad was it that I could continue to receive raises and project my financial life out over the next 3, 5 or 10 years from now?

I had drawn a parabolic line. One that gradually rose over time never stopping to think it could all come to an abrupt end.

Sure, in my mind I had run the risk of disasters. Flood. Fire. Health problems. Debilitating car accident. Life is completely random and I don't plan for these types of things, but as an adult I understand they happen and I can try my best to deal with them when they occur.

But do you see something missing on that list? What about unemployment? I never thought twice about it because I've never not had a job. From the moment I needed money, I worked. And it was just something I did.

So maybe that's the reason why this hasn't hit me like a wheel barrow full of bricks yet. Because I know that I'll be able to find something - hopefully soon - that I can live with as my next job. That the imaginary line I have in my head doesn't have to have a big break in the middle of 2009. Every few hours though I'll get to thinking about it too much and it's like the knife continues to turn and stab away at my insides.

I've told friends and family not to start worrying until 2010. A full 7 months from now. Which by then, if I haven't found a new job, will be time to panic.

The wife is extremely optimistic, which is interesting to me. She spins a completely different perspective on the issue - that this will be an opportunity for me. And that it was time for me to stop slacking off. Not that she said that, but it's how I feel.

So this is how I am redefining my freedom. I am including security and stability. Having that steady income. That paycheck every two weeks. I see more freedom in a job now than I ever did. Because when I have my finances taken care of - when I am comfortable with that imaginary line again - when I can plan my vacation dates 9 months from now and not worry whether or not I'll have a job at that time - that's the next time I'll feel free again.