What a weird day and night. Go to church. Get preached to on how I’m in the top 10% of those who are truly blessed. I’ve got all my necessities covered. Food, shelter, clothing…love. So thank you. Thank someone. Because I am truly blessed. And to think of myself as in the top 10% of this world as far as just those necessities goes is a little wake up call to stop worrying about not driving a brand new S4, and to stop worrying about how my future wife isn’t getting a 2.5 carat diamond because I couldn’t afford it. Because I am so much better off than so many people right now. There are kids who are going to go to sleep afraid right now that they’re house will be bombed, invaded by a rebel army, or in school tomorrow that they’ll become hostages. Some will die of starvation or disease, things that I have never experienced. I really don’t know who to thank for all of my luck, but this is why I believe that wasting time is such a crime. If you’re not happy, do something about it. Or at least try to dissect everything little fucking thing to figure out what’s causing you anguish, like I do. Because there are the 90% out there in the rest of this world that would give up everything to have the opportunities you are given once you have the basics covered.
Enough preaching. I love cough drops. They prevent me from coughing or so I think. I wonder how many I can have of these. I’ve eaten about a fourth of a bag already. It’s even better because I drink water to chase down the cough drop and it tastes really cool on my sore throat. Just like drinking water after brushing my teeth. I’ll fill up a whole glass of water and then only take a sip before I go to bed. I do not know why I do this. I guess it is just comforting to know that there is an entire glass of cold water waiting to be drunk any time throughout the night I feel parched at all. However, it bothers me that dust and fabric and who knows what floats through the air and more than likely lands on the top of my water. Once, I was in a room with brand new carpet and had an open glass of water. I set it down for 30 minutes and when I went back to drink it, it felt like I was drinking a hair ball, but was actually tons of tiny little pieces of fabric. I coughed.
Why do I sign on to instant messenger? No one talks to me. I am always the one to start the conversation. I suppose I will stop using instant messenger. My cough drop is crunchy.
I don’t know if the family guy was new tonight or not, but there was a part that almost killed me, e.g. I was laughing so hard that I almost coughed up a lung…maybe there was blood in my phlegm? I’ll have to check the next time…Anyway, Peter comes home unhappy for some reason, and Brian is sitting on the couch. He tries to cheer him up by dressing up in a banana suit and shaking maracas and rapping something about “Peanut Butter Jelly Time!!!” and it said that across the bottom of the screen. The way he rapped and Peter’s non-reaction were priceless. Those definitely made my night along with an early Thanksgiving.
My parents decided to do the turkey tonight. I can’t believe that I’m not asleep right now. Usually turkey puts me right to sleep. Anyway, my mom (the best cook ever, combined with my dad) is going to be working till about
I am closing up my Halls Defense bag of 50 cough drops so that I don’t have anymore. I knew I shouldn’t have bought these. D’oh. A day and a half left until my partial vacation starts. And then no more vacation until NEXT AUGUST maybe? Wow. Am I going to go insane? Naw, I’ll just call in sick for some much needed 4 and 5 day weekends. Heh.
I want to write something awesome. I want to write something crazy. So I will try to do so before I go to bed. While in church this morning, I was thinking about my grandma who recently passed on. As I was doing so, I was looking around at all the people seemingly worship and sing their hearts out to a song I was slowly picking up on. I wondered how many people were there because of a promise made to them. A promise of heaven. I wonder if my grandma made it there seeing as my grandparents were some of the most devout religious people I have ever met.
Almost a week ago, I had a dream that I had died and gone to some sort of heaven. Call me crazy, but this heaven was a food court, and in one corridor of the food court it had a few receptionists working. I walked up and was greeted by a, “Hello Seth, we’ve been waiting for you, welcome to heaven”. I was amazed by this dream because as of right now, I’m torn between wanting to believe and not believing, or at the least having “faith in something”. In this dream, the receptionist took me back to a hallway of doors. Each door was white, and behind each door I could look in and see beautiful scenes of my best memories. The woman receptionist squeezed my hand tighter as we moved from door to door and I could see so many wonderful things about my life on Earth. The last door as we made our way back to the receptionist’s desk was a black door, and I knew this is where all my skeletons and demons were held. I opened the door to see things that scared me, times when I felt numb and like I wasn’t me, embarrassed, angry…but the most shocking thing is the receptionist was gone and suddenly I was in this room, alone with so many things swirling around me. And I heard God’s deep rumbling voice which said something to the effect of, “So you didn’t believe in me did you?” I couldn’t see him, but it was like he encased the whole room and was watching for my reaction. I slowly started to cry and screamed out loud that I was, “So sorry I didn’t believe, I just didn’t know!” And that is when the dream ended. I woke up and my pillow was wet from my crying, and it took me an hour to go back to sleep, but by then the rest of the house was already getting up.
I am a big believer in my dreams. And I don’t think that déjà vu is your mind thinking too fast. I know when I have dreamt scenes in my life. I also have dreamt now twice that Michelle will bear a baby girl. Both times she was a gorgeous little girl. Hopefully the next time I dream of her I will find out her name…I don’t care if this sounds cheesy, this kind of stuff is the core of my being. I hope for any sort of dream when I sleep and every time I wake up I scan my brain and try my best to remember at the least snippets of my dreams. That wasn't that amazing or crazy, but at least I tried. Now can I go to bed?
No comments:
Post a Comment